When it's NOT about gender
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- čas přidán 5. 02. 2017
- When someone accepts you as you are, it frees up a ton of emotional energy for you to have a better experience.
When I don't have to think about my non binary gender, I am a happier and more present version of myself.
For educational videos about discovering and working through your own gender identity, check out the Gender Resources playlist:
• Gender Resources
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Ashley Wylde is a queer and gender nonbinary writer, activist, and travel enthusiast. Wylde publishes CZcams videos weekly on her channel Ashley’s Wylde Life, and is the creator of The Gender Tag Project, a project exploring the complex ideas of sex, gender roles, gender identity, and gender expression, which has inspired over 750 individual videos responses.
Her work on The Gender Tag Project also sparked an invitation to speak at TEDxCSU 2016, and she continues to give speeches and facilitate workshops on the subject to university audiences.
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Acceptance is vital. Unfortunately society is still catching up! In early days when I still wasnt read as male, I had a group of friends who were "safe" in that they saw me as male and bolstered my identity so even if the world outside that safe bubble was still getting me wrong, I could retreat to my accepting friends for safety and acceptance. Now my needs are different, I am read as male all the time but there are times where Im with cis males and I just dont feel I can fit, I dont know how to act, and so I am constantly thinking about my being trans. However, when I am with my trans friends, I stop thinking about being trans, which is rather ironic! But it is exactly for the reasons you discuss, I have total acceptance from them, I can be me, I dont have to second guess myself, the way I act, or worry I will say something that "gives me away". Having such people in our lives is crucial to developing a strong sense of self and identity so that when in less accepting places we can be stronger to deal with that. Great video, thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story, Finn! I'm glad you enjoyed the video :)
sounds like you're a beta wimp
Thank you for helping me to realize that my throat isn't sore. Honestly I can really appreciate that. Also my nose isn't stuffy. Whenever I have a cold I have a hard time remembering how is was when I could breathe so clearly!
you put it into WORDS! that sore throat analogy is perfect. so far I only have one person like this, but it's amazing.
i am 2 scared To be me bc my parents won't exept me 😢
Damn. I relate to you so hard. Sometimes I get so mad when I can't stop thinking about gender. My thoughts about gender are always heightened when I am in a gender specific situation like having to use a public restroom or just when I'm talking to a new person cause I'm afraid they will call me "sir" and then things will be awkward. It's so freakin annoying though that we allow strangers to cause us so much anxiety when the reality is that we will never see these people again in our entire life.
You had mentioned in your previous video that you are working with kids now. Can you talk about how it is with them and if they use the correct pronouns, etc? I identify as female, I am just a masculine female, so kids will constantly be confused about my gender. A few years ago when my own cousin was 6 he straight up asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I just thought, "damn, I've been in your life for 6 years and you still don't know if I'm a boy or a girl lol." It was interesting though, because he asked me when it was just us. It's like he understood that he wasn't supposed to ask that type of question in front of other people or he knew that it could be considered a rude question. I just told him I was a girl and tried to school him on the fact that girls can have short hair too.
Gender euphoria is really cool indeed :) As usually you achieve to put into words the things I've been experiencing so perfectly. I'm purely exhausted by cis people society.
same, cis people are so clueless to our struggles yet they feel the need to speak on them, they preach about body positivity and self acceptance yet they don't even realise that trans people are not at the same level of comfortability as them until we are relieved of dysphoria!!!
Your sore throat analogy is gold. When anxiety flares up for me, it always starts in the throat. It feels like my throat is closing in on itself, and it's painful. I crave being around the people who validate me; they make it easier to give less fucks when I'm out in the world on my own, and easier to adopt a "take me for what I am" attitude.
This video is a Delight and I'm so happy for you that you've found a space that works for you. I also recently found a space like this, where I don't have to defend my pronouns or my gender presentation or worry about all of the things that come along with being a nonbinary person, and it is such a relief.
also I really dig the intersectionality of your conclusion bit and I think it's really great way to foster empathy with people who might not otherwise understand how all encompassing the gender thing can be
anyways, great video and I'm glad you're back! I missed seeing your videos in my subscription box (:
Lately, I've been think a lot about my gender because I don't really know if I'm female, male or a unicorn.
Anyway, I don't want to be thinking about it because it's quite tiring and I'm not able to focus on things I should be.
Thanks for this inspirational video, I've recently discovered your channel and I love it!
This video brightened up my day, thank you! 💗
Love this video. I am working on surrounding myself with people who allow me to not think about my gender as well. It is such a freeing feeling :)
I get really anxious when I come across videos of people talking about how being non binary isn't real or when people talk about how you need to absolutely hate your body to have "real" dysphoria. For a very long time I've been very uncomfortable with being seen as a girl more than with my body itself. I really want to be seen as neither but I don't completely hate my body. Knowing the fact that my body dysphoria is very limited makes me insecure about what the community or professionals might tell me. But I know that I'm still learning and I don't need to rush myself
Thank you for helping people understand. I'm a mom trying to understand these things. You are so smart and explain things so well!
That's a refreshing video, I can't wait until those moments of clarity are the norm and not the outlier. Nothing better than just being accepted as you are and free to be whoever that is. :)
Being non-binary can be really hard... especially when people try to fit you in a box on what’s male and female. Like if I act more feminine, people will just assume I’m a woman because I was born female. Like you have to act different to prove your identity is valid. Stereotypes... thank you for this!
Thank you
yasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Ashley. I'm still on my journey to where I don't have to think about my gender. Kaiser is so unbelievably cuteeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! I just saw my name in the description and I got so happy, yay. xxxxx
Glad to hear it! Keep up the good work :)
Great video! (as usual)
Also, loving your shirt
I just found this video and I know it's old but I felt like commenting it: I cried at the end.
I'm always thinking about my gender and how I'd like others to see or treat me. In my language there's only feminine and masculine pronouns and I'm always separed with the girls for any activity at my school and it makes feel strange and lost. I really hope I can find a situation or people to be comfortable with, to be able to stop worrying about my gender.
Thank you for this video ^^~
You look really good shaved 👍🏼 I've had mine for about a year now I love it no stress
this is so important to fortify self-esteem and confidence
Ash, I hope you respond to this comment...I have a question, I was scrolling down CZcams the other day and I came across a video where a non-binary person was being made fun of with a cartoon like characterisation and the problem as I understood was that this person posts photos on instagram and fb and tags them as transgender, FTM, non-binary etc... and the person making the bulling video is as I understand by the content and the person is a FTM individual who thinks its ok to shame and bully a person who thinks has the right to tag the photos on its instagram with transgender tags because for them transgender is an unbrella term which contains all the other terminology. Well to not make this too long..I was wondering, is it an umbrella term or no? is it ok for transgender people to shame and bully another person who is not intrinsically affecting them by posting those tags, but in their eyes it is affecting them cause others don´t take transgender issues that serious because of these people?? I got really upset at this channel in CZcams because I feel that it is not ok to make me feel less trans just because I am not willing to transition or as in for theis person who got shamed and all..just because they are non binary..they cant post ftm tags. I dont know if you get my point..my english isnt the best sorry!
Transgender is an umbrella term, and no one has the right to police anyone else's gender, or to tell them that they are or are not trans.
Come to Chicago and I will treat you with the unconditional friendliness that you deserve
Love the hair!
Nice video. I can relate. :)
Preach!
Sweet vid
So relatable
I just found you on the youtubes (and if you're single) please marry me.
you need to work out if you want to look like a man. those girly arms aren't fooling anyone 😉