The BIGGEST dementia advice for YOU
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- čas přidán 7. 09. 2024
- Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.) Every Sunday, I share a video to help you in your dementia caregiving journey.
In today’s video, I talk about one of the most basic and important pieces of dementia caregiving advice. I recorded this video on a whim after someone commented under one of my instagram video that they do something with their mom that I don’t recommend and her mom responds fine. Hear my response to this inside this video and how you can tell if you are using a good approach or not.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. In my job, I help people with dementia, and their caregivers, by visiting them in their own homes and helping them cope through the many struggles of caring for someone with dementia. I have always wanted to help more people than is possible for me in a work day. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I do this in my spare time. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver
My sister and I will comment, "ugh, that's so annoying when you can't remember"; or share a time of when we've forgotten something. It usually makes her feel better that we can relate. The hard times are when she is aware of how bad her memory is. That is the heartbreaker for all of us.
Asking or testing your loved one with multiple questions is like teasing a child to frustration.
My 86 year old mom has moderate dementia but is still able to successfully complete at least three difficult crossword puzzles each day. She struggles however when speaking, attempting to find words that convey her thoughts and just stops when she cannot retrieve the word she is searching for in her mind. I always laugh and tell her that the tables are turned and I am now the one trying to fill in the verbal blanks. I’ll tell her it is her last word puzzle, not crossword puzzle. We play this guessing game in every conversation and have lots of fun laughing and recognizing that she cannot always come up with the perfect word but that’s OK. I’ll tell everyone we see that she, my mom, is the master of the written word and I am the master of the spoken word and that together we may get a sentence or two out correctly. Lol
With kindness...I really enjoy your dementia advise. I am very depressed, but you make me chuckle a little every time you say "right". :) Right, everybody???
Am depressed to my mom is very hard and aggressive
@@vickydaskalakis6093 a this was 2 months ago, I must say I am more out of the rabbit hole of depression. The daily routine is a constant up and down. With all being said and done, I am extremely happy that I kept my wife home. Caring for a mom dad or sibling is completely different things, I have learned from this site. I will care for her at home till the end.
Thanks so much for all of the positive support, information and love. And especially for giving us all permission to not be perfect. I rarely mention dementia but sometimes she will say she thinks she is becoming like her mom, who did. So we will talk honestly about it. She does "shrink" a little and fears being a burden but it grateful she is not alone in the journey..... Then she forgets the entire conversation...lol. From all of the comments I have read on these videos and the Facebook group, I know I am very fortunate that she is so easy to get along with. She is teaching me to just live in this day. I know things will get harder as it progresses, but we are making the most of each day for now.
Thank you for this reminder and perspective. My mom and I are the same way. In those conversations, I feel connected to her and it’s a bit cathartic for me, but I’m so grateful she forgets the conversation anyway in case it does bum her out.
I am so thankful that you exist for CZcamsrs that need guidance in every possible way to handle this illness. You sounding so concerned & sincere makes me trust and follow the advises you give. Most of them I’ve tried & worked. I hope u continue to be my go to person for guidance in dealing with dementia.
I thank you so very much.
I'm glad the videos are helping.
You are wonderful. My mom passed away last month. She was 95, and I miss her so much and love her so much. It’s been difficult. I cared for her two years in my house. When she needed 24/7 care she went into assisted living {beautiful} then a nursing home {total nightmare}. I’d say she was in each facility 6 months a piece. Anyway, she lost her appetite, had swallowing and chewing problems a few weeks before she passed so my family and I were aware of that.
You’re great. Is there a way you can easily explain to me how it is that people with dementia lose ability to eat, swallow, etc.? Thanks.
I have been doing things wrong from the start but didn’t know it until I joined this care blazers online with Dr Natalie.
Me took still learning, thank God for Natali
Me too!
Please don't be hard on yourself, you weren't doing it wrong. You were responding in a natural, sensible way to a difficult situation. We do our best & now you are doing extra well learning & sharing
Boy, I needed to hear this video. Sometimes I feel like screaming out "you have V Dementia" then get control of myself. My HWD was diagnosed 9/2020 however is in complete denial. I have come a long way as a CG spouse as up until he was diagnosed I used to get frustrated and say" I told you this yesterday, or I told you this 5 times already." It's time for HWD to go back into a skilled living/memory care but he refuses. HWD also has a terminal illness with high pain levels on top.
Love to you JD. be well. Tough road to be on. Your not alone.
Thank you SO MUCH for this clarification, Dr Natali. When I speak with my mom, I always ask her how she's doing, what she's done, even what she had for lunch. It has nothing to do with testing her memory, rather simple conversation that has all to do with being interested in her. Of course, this doesn't mean she doesn't have "mood swings"; she always had them, they're just worse now. Maybe she does think/feel I'm testing her 🤔or it has become challenging for her to answer. Yes. That's it. I noticed she gropes for words and gets pretty upset. Now, I understand. She used to enjoy this sort of exchange, the 5Ws, showing interest, but maybe it bothers her now 🤔
Thank you so much. I can’t afford your class but I really appreciate the free content you post. Thank you.
Thank you for making this free class on caring for loved ones with dementia. I signed up after learning that mom's memory loss was diagnosed today. My siblings and I will hopefully learn how to better care for our mom and avoid some of the pitfalls we are sure to encounter.
Thank you for this series my Aunt who is literally my role model growing up has stage Late 6 almost 7 LBD. This helps me know how to talk to her. She can’t get many understandable words out. Not sure how she intakes what I’m saying. I don’t acknowledge her direct disease asked by other family “disability “ is preferred. She’s coming back home with help from Hospice. They so far have been God Sends. Installing a hospital bed in her home a lift to assist her with help from bed to chair. I’m not sure if she’ll make the 6 month mark. But thank you for sharing these they’re so helpful
As I understand it, you should always be truthful... but tempered always with kindness. Truthful doesn't mean you say everything you think, however.
Thank you Dr Natali. You’re such invaluable support ❤️ I’m signing up again to do this workshop again. I need to reinforce my brain, to train it, to not respond they way I knee jerk respond to her most of the time. I get myself in such difficult conversations with her for nothing serious enough to warrant it. Uff 😨 I’m better, but not as good as I could be - for both our sakes. Thank you!
Great video . I agree to not one size fits all . You have to figure it out . It takes time but when it works it joyous
You are so awesome Dr Natalie!! The great advice helps so many!!My lo has been gone for four years now and I still have GD nightmares!!But every day is paradise when it's all over!! Hang in and be strong!! Love and respect Tamsen Roberts in Riverside California
You are a really nice person 💗 I hope you are very lucky in your life!
I signed up for your class on Feb 10, 2022. I’m looking forward to learning new creative ways to respond to my husband’s dementia behaviors. I lose my patience and sometimes have a meltdown, which is the worse reaction I can have!
Thank you for the review. My wife is ok with saying she has mild dimentia, it helps her deal with all the frustration. She does have days where she does not know who I am (husband of 32 years). Bottom line thank you for reviewing the main points.
My biggest problem has been trying to reason with my dad while he is lucid.
I will show him a video after he has fallen, because after he falls it takes about two weeks for him to get normal again, we have to feed him, change him, do everything.
So I would show him a video, to remind him not to get out of bed by himself.
I guess I’ve been doing everything wrong.
And I’m not completely sure he has dementia, there are some days he does not know where he’s at, but he has peripheral dementia I believe
Will be there Thursday. Always ready to learn more!
hank you so much N - you are doing God's work and I still listen to you in the background even if not active so much on FB. Cheers 'n luv. Cal Thomas
Thank you so much !!! My mother I’ll be using ( kindness or Truth)❤️❤️❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
As always excellent practical and useful information. Thank you 😊 💓
Thanks for your videos we think my brother has Kosakoff dementia It’s so scary and sad he goes to the neurologist on Feb 23
My 94 year old mother has stage 5 Alzheimers and has lived on her own for 32 years. Mother is in complete denial of every aspect of her condition. She refuses to accept much of the help from her carers who come twice a day. Mother has so many issues which require assistance from external sources, but she refuses to consider them. Getting her into a Care Home would be the answer, but like everything on her Alzheimers journey, she has flatly refused to comply.
I really needed this class . I will be taking my 85 yr old mom to her Lung Dr appt. at that time. I'm having outside interference from her husband that I had to remove her from be used of neglect . He will not leave her alone by her phone . When I take the phone away it makes things worse .
I'm at a loss and need help. Her lung disease has made this Dementia worse .
I would have loved to see this are you offering it again,
Hi Janet, I'm doing it again this week. You can save your spot here: go.careblazers.com/class
Great Advice Dr. Natalie
I registered for the class. Thanks so much!
I wish there was a way to find out what causes a behavior like spending compulsively buying things they can't use. Leading to late and overage fees.
Dad gets to where he won't get dressed unless it's " check day " then he is up and going and not as hateful or mean. It's a long story. My sister and I are going to see lawyer about FPA and getting house out of mom & dads name. Mom is afraid she'll loose the house when dad has to go in long term care. I've signed up for your class. My dad definitely has anger issues and I really need ideas to help me deal with it.
Registered! Can't wait. Thanks
Your classes help me so much. I am signed up!
Wonderful! See there there!
Thanks fo the problem r the toileting advice my LO is starting to have #2 in his pants and due to your videos I stay calm and deal wth it so thanks
You are the best!
Signing up super helpful
Thank you
What advice do you have for a care giver who gets their elderly parent with dementia to the doctor and have them wig out to the parking lot and yell for the police, and then get arrested. Asking for a friend.
Any mistakes available to make, I've made them. But I'm improving
Thanks 😊👍😊🙏💜😇
My mother has advance memories issues. She cannot walk or barely feeds herself. My dad died in September. She ask for him no less that 10 times a day. I was telling her he is in heaven, but she doesn’t get it. My question should I tell her the truth. Or star fabricating I never want her to feel he left her by his choice. That were married 70 years, mom is 90 years old.
This is a hard one! My mum always asks for her mum. My dad made the mistake of telling her she had passed away 30yrs ago and she was inconsolable and started wearing black too. We learned our lesson that day so never again have we said that she's no longer with us.. Her mum is always out or visiting family. Mum does get upset thinking her mum never visits her but it passes and at least doesn't go into mourning.
@@passionatesingle Yes, redirect to something else. Like, she is visiting someone, perfect.
How are we supposed to know if they are at their baseline if we don't ask them what they know?
I finish my husband sentences, because he can't find the words, esp. When on the phone. Is this wrong?? How honest must you be, when discussing their loss of memory and what's impacting it e.g alcohol. TIA
Hi Michelle, I actually did a few videos on related topics you may find helpful:
czcams.com/video/VBujKHME814/video.html
czcams.com/video/Y27rXgfGjG0/video.html
Wishing you and your husband the best!
Want to sign up for this class...but spouse has a doctor visit at that time. Will this be offered at another date and time?
I would love to attend the class but can’t make it at 2pm PST on a workday. Will it be made available for review later I hope? Thanks!
Yes, there will be a replay
I’m so sad I can’t join because I dint have an email that works…UGH
I tried the link to join your class, but keep getting an error message. Did I miss the class? Will there be other opportunities to join?
Hi Marva, I am offering a free behavior class on 2/17/22. You can register for it here: go.careblazers.com/webinar52997920
What works today doesn't necessarily work tomorrow.
I’m in the position that she won’t go to the doctor bc she thinks everything is okay but it isn’t. She needs the diagnosis and I’m worried - a vibe that doesn’t help in this situation. Any advice? Anyone?
The time for the doctor will present itself, or not. Go with the flow, sometimes that flow changes every day, maybe once a week. Different for all LOWD.
Sounds like your close to the beginning of things. You hang in there, let it happen, try not to force it. Be well.
I read a book that says use another health need from present or even past or encourage them that a trip to the doctor is a check up "I think they give them every 5 years, I just had one". So "I'm helping you dress because of your bad shoulder/ you can't remember because you're tired/ this pill helps with your cholesterol/ its just a follow up on your [whichever condition] & you beat that didn't you?" Then it's their doctor that gave a diagnosis they might accept & not you
I don’t have a active email so I can’t join..UGH
How do you deal with a love ones death
If you mean they're asking for someone who's passed away then help them choose the answer that helps them feel better. Try different answers, write them down & rate them for which they liked best if you like & share it with anyone else they may ask. It's very hard, can feel like lying but it is often possible to find an answer you're comfortable with. A careblazer comment was "I say he's in Ohio because that's where he's buried & she believes in the afterlife". The question might give you a clue. My dad might ask if I have his mother's/ old girlfriend's number, he thinks she's sick so I can say " oh I know for a fact she's not sick, aren't you a good son, looking out for her? I went with her to her hospital appointments then we'd go shopping..." Reassuring, praising, distracting with a story about shopping. Then he doesn't ask again for 2 months. If they're asking for mother it is often because they want something that you can help with. When dad wants home he actually wants to know he's got a bed
She talks all night long . We can't get any sleep. Help
When I forgot something, I don't need reminding I fell short. Get stuffed. Leave me alone.