Wife Won’t Experiment in Bed (What Should We Do?)
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- čas přidán 1. 07. 2024
- Wife Won’t Experiment in Bed (What Should We Do?)
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This guy is totally me 5 years ago. He's still thinking about sex pornographically, as an objective act, positions, body parts, etc. He's got to start seeing it how his wife probably sees it, as an expression of their love and connection. She doesn't want to be his object, and she shouldn't be.
women need to learn to obey
Why should men convert to the feminine? There are women that enjoy what he enjoys. He needs to move along and let her find a boring husband. He is missing out on so much fun by staying with her.
No one expects her to be a porn star but things can get plain if ur just into straight up normal and not looking for creative things to try
Yeah I disagree with this, he seems really sincere with trying to go about this the correct way, but he has needs too. If he can't be vulnerable about his wants and needs with his wife then there's literally no safe place for his thoughts.
Perfectly stated.
Porn has destroyed men.
Just like social media has destroyed women.
And women
Over sexualization has inflicted damage on men and women. Porn has damaged men. Toys have damaged women.
I've too often had the same women tell me how men are perverted, to then spend hours fantasizing about men in grey sweatpants and how hot channing Tatum is.
Porn destroyed everyone. I've seen plenty of women with the bbc fantasy on their mind.
And women
So I’m not a good wife if I don’t want to do weird stuff in the bedroom and like it. He says he wants to make her smile, it doesn’t make her smile.
Let him use your face
What is your definition of weird tho?? I'm really asking!!
Like are you seriously unwilling to do ANYTHING other than missionary ciz everything OUTSIDE of that is WEIRD???!!
@@bluebellcrushedvelvet missionary and no oral lol
@@bluebellcrushedvelvet there's a wide expanse between missionary and whatever this guy might be asking her to smile about doing lmao.
@@CrystalM1917 go on! Which would be???
He wants to make her smile better by wanting to force her into doing something she doesn’t want to? How odd!
And where did he say he wants to force her?
@@georgemubanga1878 He wants her to be excited about things she is never going to be excited about.
My thought exactly.
But he needs it. And Dr. John is correct, she doesn't know him. They may not be compatible in that way. I hate to say it like this but she may need to buck up and get on the horse. Or.. they find other people who they feel more comfortable with
@@royh2618 Agreed. They're most likely simply not sexually compatible. Welcome to religious marriages where virgins get married.
My husband wants to act/dress up like a female during sex. I’m not attracted to females. From the comments I’ve read here, I should go along with it and be happy to do so. I can’t because it feels creepy and gross.
Watch out, I don't trust him.
Don't trust these commenters lol. I, personally, would throw out an equally crazy idea( my fantasy is for you to dress up like a dog and act like one) and see his reaction..😮
Sis that's a whole different situation lol
I would not be surprised if he comes popping out of the closet one of these days. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Dress like a man, wear a beard, and see how he likes it. Unfortunately, so many men simply cannot put themselves in another person's shoes. Not all, I hasten to add - but then they would be the type of men who want to look attractive to their wives, not repel them. Really it's assisted masturbation - not very thrilling!
I think Delony’s call that the husband wants to use his wife like he used porn, to get off, was on point. Then the caller wanting her to smile as someone put it, is also the porn template, that a woman gets degraded, but then has to appear grateful and having enjoyed that degradation.
I suspect that the wife is concerned about enabling his addiction and escalating requests, maybe fears that she may be humiliated in the process as well. Easy to speculate, hard to know.
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Yeah, I’m big on giving people the benefit of the doubt but something about this guy skeeves me out.
Yes. ❤
There were some thing I told my husband I won’t do because they feel degrading and impersonal to me. That was the end of that. We do other things that aren’t like that.
@@Bav92 If a man finds it degrading to buy his wife things (because she is a full grown adult and not a child) and to perform sexual acts she wants - he should just tell her to accept it?
People that watch porn get an unreal expectations of what normal sex is between a normal couple. It’s so sad I feel bad for her. When I got married that was something that I would not tolerate was pornography.
@samanthacrump1976... That's me also.
Thank you for telling me that you want to be divorced before we are even married.
I'd have more respect for him if he told me before there was the smallest notion of a relationship so I could save us both some time (and him money).
Exactly
YES
Yes, and people who partake of romances get an unreal expectation of what normal relationships are between couples. Romances are something I will not tolerate. 😎
@@kellygreeniilol agree
She’s vanilla, he’s now into bdsm / kinks / fetishes. He can’t make her not be vanilla. Becoming no longer sexually compatible is an issue many face, but he needs to respect the fact she doesn’t want any part of whatever kink or fetishes he now has and apparently needs in their sex life to be satisfied. That’s his newfound issue, not hers.
She’s stuck by him despite all of this, and he still isn’t happy. If his fetishes matter more than the marriage and family unit then they need a discussion about where to go next, because you can’t make anyone participate in kinks they’re disgusted or turned off by. There’s plenty of things he’d be unwilling to do for her if she suddenly asked for it. He needs to respect her no and her being vanilla.
Porn isn’t reality, he may get all these acts / fetishes etc fulfilled, and still be as unsatisfied and unhappy. It won’t be a magic cure.
Thank you.
She may also desire more of an emotional/intimate connection with him but he keeps pushing lustful/ surface level physical stuff.
Why do you think experimenting means being into crazy adult stuff like BDSM
This!
@@omotayosatuyi252 Because that is what porn is about. It is not about LOVE. It is about USING women, exploiting & degrading them. It does not cherish the woman like a husband should.
No one can compete with your fantasy. You've really hurt her.
Doesn’t sound like he’s asking her to compete. He’s asking her to be the main attraction.
He wants to repair all the hurt through kink.
@@byefelicia8632and that's not ok
@@bgcyrus she's human not attraction. Want attraction , go to circus and stop making women participate in your own circus. It's no women's fault you guys have no idea about healthy intimacy since youre brains have been destroyed by porn for years
@@bgcyrus 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Do they not understand that being a wife in this situation means that she never knows whether her husband is thinking about porn fantasies and the women in those fantasies, or whether he’s thinking about her?
Is the wife the object of his love, or is it the fact that he wants her to recreate and play out his fantasies? The problem comes because the only person who really knows the answer is the husband! Basically, the wife ends up feeling used for his pleasure…. Especially, if he is so insistent on engaging in it whether she likes it or not. Why is no one here discussing how the wife must feel?
exactly
Because there’s this situation.. and then there’s married couples who swing for fun. You might find that disgusting, but there’s a lot of lifestyles in between that extreme level and what these 2 have. The point is.. people shouldn’t get married if they are not sexually compatible.
She is the object for his love, that’s why he provides and protects. The fantasy part shouldn’t be a problem. If he buys her a maid or burglar lingerie outfit, what’s the problem. Also, he said vanilla sex, hoe about having sex anywhere other than the bedroom? Also, missionary is great, but other positions are really cool as well. I don’t see a problem.
@@svietka202 how is this any different than with vanilla sex? He could just as easily be thinking of the grocery store clerk when being intimate with his wife.
The wife feels awful and thinks he doesn't give a damn which makes her feel worse
I think the part where he says he wants her to smile, be happy about doing these sexual acts is what gets me. Didn’t he say she would go along with it, at least sometimes? Damn dude, she’s doing what you ask, isn’t that enough? It’s unlikely she’ll ever be happy about doing things she finds demeaning. Cut her some slack
Agreed!
Typical female
As someone who has experienced "duty sex" or starfish or whatever you want to call it, there is nothing worse than sex with someone who is actively not enjoying it. It's more depressing than not having sex. If my girlfriend even begins to approach what my marriage was like, I'm dumping her. It's been almost 5 years still and she wants it more than me... The reality is after a dead bedroom for nearly a decade in marriage. My experience in marriage has left me unwilling to marry again because I want a good sex life, and don't want to split assets again to pursue it.
@@ChadVanKlompenburgright like who wants to live like that 😅
right when I was about to say he watches too much porn the video starts and he discloses that. because I use to watch porn and the smiling he wants seems very porny. That's what porn actresses do. They smile while doing the most degrading things. They make them smile so the viewers can think they are enjoying it. Real life sex is not always smiles and giggles
I was in a relationship with a man who had a porn addiction. It completely ruined our 4 year relationship. Could have married him, honestly. Listening to this call is just another confirmation that I dodged a huge bullet.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️ I hope you're better now
Same
U dumb if the relationship was good and end it over a movie lol all men watch you just don't know they do lol
Yep
You absolutely did (dodge a bullet).
This guy in the call AND so many men in the comments are so focused on "she wont let me do kinky stuff" they totally missed the point. He only came for tactics to push his wife into doing things shes uncomfortable with, not real advice involving working on the relationship.
1000%. These callers make me never want to get married. He needs to cleanse his mind and realize that a wife is not an on--demand prostitute. Also, every sexual desire is not good. I'm sick of people acting like the spouse who is uncomfortable is the problem when the kinky one probably needs therapy.
@@sometimesising1016 He is treating his wife like a blow-up doll.
I think he does want to work on the relationship, but he doesn't yet know how to go about it in a healthy way. He's still dealing with the brainwashing the porn industry performed on him. I think they should go to couple's therapy, and he might need to deal with his issues with an individual counselor, as well.
@@sometimesising1016
I mean why cant you want to be kinky but also love the person you are doing kinky stuff with?
You are basically saying all kinky people are bad?
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist Why can't people enjoy normal sex and fix their distorted sexual perspective?
I’ve never been disappointed with Deloney before.
He never asked what the guy was asking his wife to do that she was *afraid* to do.
There is certain places John can’t cross especially being these are on the internet. Several of these platforms have very firm guidelines when it comes to graphic content. Plus nobody wants that in their head.
Either too afraid…or too repulsed to do.
Exactly. I think he wants her to do the most vile things involving certain areas on the body that can be painful and just disgusting to ingest. Things that can lead to infections/STIs with e coli involved
@branver1172.. He didn't NEED to.
Most women have an idea.
SHE doesn't feel safe!
That's on him.
They can work it through but not at the pace he may want.
Probably because of trying to keep a “G rating” for youtube.
Some of us are not interested in experimental “ fun”. Vanilla is my favorite flavor…so what?
THANK YOU 😂
Same. I like sex to not feel stressful. Oral is fine, but I don’t like uncomfortable lingerie ever!
No caramel swirl?
That means that you haven’t allowed yourself to experience real pleasure and truly discovered your sexuality. So what? You’re simply boring. Thats about it.
Vanilla is meant for baked goods. It has no place in the bedroom.
Homeboy trying to replace one addiction with another. Just because it’s with your partner now doesn’t mean it’s any less an addict from what it was 😶😶
🗣🗣🗣
Amen
Yes! That’s exactly right
To those of you justifying the pornography and acting like the wife is obligated to do whatever perverse things this guy came up with, you are the reason women don’t want to marry you.
Or have sex with you it she does get tricked into marrying you 😬
Men understand not marrying a woman is the best possible move you can make in life.
She’s not obligated. However he isn’t obligated to suffer in a household with a woman who can’t forgive and feel as if anything he may suggest or ask for is a symptom of a problem she feels he has. Women love saying “this” is the reason nobody wants to marry men as if women actually control who gets married and who doesn’t. It’s cool anyone with a brain Conan hear hurt even through words on the screen. Figure out who hurt you and forgive them and live the life you would deserve if you decide you’re in control of it
There are plenty of women who think outside the box in the bedroom… you can’t just collectively put all women in the same category as his wife. Compatibility in the bedroom is very important. Some married couples literally watch that stuff together for inspiration.
We don’t even know what he wants is perverse because John didn’t ask.
I am addicted to drugs and my wife won't do drugs with me.
Vs
I am addicted to porn and my wife won't do porn sex with me.
How dare you try to pull your wife into your addiction. You have ruined your sex life with unattainable expectations of what sex should be and now you want to poison her too!
Then don’t get mad or hurt when he goes to cheat and get what he wants.
@@byefelicia8632 Then he doesn't deserve her, because he is too selfish to be in a marriage. He wants a porn star, not a decent woman he will grow old with.
@@mi2lq933 Are you projecting on me with that loaded question?
That's true, I think there's a compromise here that can go either way@@byefelicia8632
@@teresavoegele5114 You make women sound like some sort of a prize that a mans life needs to revolve around. People (men and women) have needs and in this situations the needs are not similar. He’s open minded and she’s closed. Thats it. Don’t shame people for wanting to explore pleasure.
I think the fact that they were both virgins is a point being missed by John. The guy has missed important steps in maturing. Hes skipped the entire bit where teen boys grow up and realise pornography isnt real. That women arent robots. The wife doesnt seem to have the sexual confidence to ask for what she likes. The bit where he said about her smiling is a bit if a red flag to me. Hes not making love to his wife. Hes reenacting porn using his wifes body. They need a sex therapist. Someone needs to flat out explain to him how women tick.
He doesn't deserve her. He should just get a blow-up doll, that is all his wife is to him.
@@teresavoegele5114 I guess the problem there is you are basically saying he can never change. He has never had a real opportunity to learn. Brother my first several relationships were a trainwreck... but also SO SO SO vital to help me learn how to maintain a healthy relationship, this guy has never gone through those steps and it sounds like instead of you recommending he get on a path of learning... you DON'T want him to change and just continue doing what he is doing with a blowup.
@@teresavoegele5114yep that’s all he wants
No. She should leave and he should either buy prostitutes or a sex doll. She's nothing to him but a kitchen appliance with holes for him to use. If she stays, he WILL cheat, and use porn as his excuse: "She doesn't look like those women, she doesn't act like those women, and those women are how women are supposed to act."
I mean there are some kinky women out there too. (Me?) xD
Sexual compatibility is important.
I think a lot of people view sex negatively, and thats why people are afraid to even discuss what they want years into a marriage? This would be better if discussed before marriage. A lot of people shame people if their tastes are not as normal as theirs are.
We need to stop being so damn shy about the topic.
Ya'll are in the comments talking about how you watch porn daily and think you're okay...dude no you're not. If you feel like you need to watch porn you need to find some real connections with real ppl.
Whats healthier? watching porn and have a low partner count because you have high standards and looking for long term success.
Or having lots of sexual relationships short term because they are meeting your short term needs?
If you feel like you need other people you are codependent.
@@tobiramasenju6290 You mean HUMAN. Humans are literally wired for human connection. We are social creatures.
💯
@@tobiramasenju6290no one said latch on to someone’s arm and leg, we are social creatures. The greatest way to connect and understand people is by talking to them, for centuries we never needed videos to understand sex, it’s in our nature to desire it already. If this guy just talks and listens to his wife instead of analyzing other women’s pleasure and expecting her to feel the same he’d have a healthy sex life. He’s creating his own world of problems by not listening to his wife and the reality of their situation. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’s faking getting off at this point. The internet has people constantly faking smiles and laughs, in reality we know people aren’t like that everyday, we can sense when someone’s have a good or bad day from prior conversations. Reality is in the real world, talking to your family, spouse, friends and children.
Lol, it's just sex man, 5 minutes if you're lucky. It's not the be all end all. It's also not going to be anything but sex until you become vulnerable and just love her and decide good sex is a giving of love. Sex takes, love gives.
Typical female response....
And the prophet speaks
@stormypuurl very well said
In both directions.
If it's 5 minutes long.. no wonder she's not looking forward to it lol
She was “innocent”. Then what is she now? Spoiled, guilty, stained?? Typical guilt attitude that’s so damaging to women. No wonder she doesn’t want to try anything if the whole thing sounds dirty to her. One thing I wished dr. John would ask these callers if she’s getting a proper release. If that’s not happening they need to start from basically scratch.
What do you mean by release?
@@natiasamuels4170 Orgasim
He said she played along but did not enjoy it…. Well She tried - did not put a smile on Her face
@@natiasamuels4170having an orgasm i presume
@@natiasamuels4170orgasm. I will bet She never had one when they had sex. Maybe alone lol
Porn addiction is serious. It ended my 16 year marriage. Its a shame my now ex husband didnt talk to me. It was our young son who found something out on our family laptop and then me doing some digging that I found out. The doctor diagnosed him. Unfortunately he didnt want any help. It really changed him from a "family man" to someone withdrawn, abusive and losing weight. It completely shattered our world.
Lived that too. It was awful ✋
@blueseptember2174 I'm sorry you have been through it too. Its so destructive.
My husband took off in the end. Our son was 11. He hasn't spoke to his son for nearly 7 years now. He moved in with a woman and her son off Tinder.
Our son was 11 when this happened. He's 19 now and hasn't had his father in his life.
No doubt he took off out of being ashamed. That or the fact he just wanted to avoid and carry on what he was doing 🤷♀️ All I know is my son and I have both suffered from depression because of it. Sons doing well now but I still feel like I'm back there.
@@rosewest5168 Lust is a pit. "Good men" become like drug addicts and grow resentful to the one they love who rightfully push back. Which causes callous speech, then sometimes violence. Eventually they act on their desires and cheat. It's just awful all around. P@rn is so evil.
I commented about this too, I was in a relationship with a man with an addiction. He ended up marrying someone else and I'm so thankful I didn't stick around.
God this is awful I hope you're well ( and I hope he is too)
The problem people that watch corn fail to realize is that corn is not real sex… it’s made for gratification of the (majorily) male ego. That’s what sells. You are being catered to by the producers so they can make a buck. I’m not saying that as a 100% blanket statement, because there are plenty of women who enjoy role playing and fantasy, but there is nothing “wrong” with someone for not being aroused by it. What IS wrong is you expecting someone to do it simply to appease you, and being upset if they don’t enjoy it. They are not a robot. They are not an actress for your satisfaction. If you want an actress, go hire one.
Yes! Glad you said it.
Not all women are the same!
All these comments saying girls cant be are just blaming men, like… no we can like wild things too.
Then demonizing me for my tastes. Haha
Porn ruins relationships.
No it doesn't!!
Speak for yourself!!!
@@bluebellcrushedvelvetit does in most cases.
Porn can often be the result of a sexless relationship. Sex life is important for a reason. Nothing hurts more than someone u sacrifice and dedicate everything for to make u feel undesirable.
@@AnthonyAlvarado78 Have you tried being romantic? Written her love poems? Brought her a flower from the garden? Opened car doors for her and kissed her? Told her how much you love her, or how beautiful she is to you? Seduced her by giving her a back rub that turns into a front rub? Put your arm around her or held her hand while walking? Been affectionate without expecting sex? Showed her that you appreciate her, cherish her?
Lack of communication destroys relationships, porn, does not
Poor baby (sarcasm). He’s whining about what he got them both into. She’s hurt and grossed out and rightfully so. He still needs to get himself in check. It’s all on him!!
I give this guy props for calling in. However porn ruin sex for him, end of story. Porn sex is not real sex.
BS !!! He is BETA - just a DOOFUS she married for $$$. IMO
No it's not captain obvious. That doesn't mean that porn is bad. I watch movies with billioners and ripped guys with 12 six pack., I don't feel like fat unsucessfull looser after watching it, i know it's a movie. :-)
The combination of guild from religion + porn + real life ruins peoples mentality.
Porn sex is real. It’s just not real with the one you love that loves you back.
It’s very real with the one you like that likes you back. The only problem is the woman that can give porn sex is a woman you can never trust therefore you can never love her.
Feels pretty real when I do some raunchy stuff to the one I love.
“I’m doing this to put a smile on her face, but she’s just not into it.”
Dude, that right there just shows that you’re doing it for your own selfish pleasure. If she’s not into it, then STOP IT!! She knows you’re getting these ideas from your addiction and that’s gross of you to make her complicit in your fantasies.
Also, what’s “boring” to him, might not be boring for her, yet because of his addiction, what she’s comfortable with is not enough for him.
Bingo. She doesn’t like it and he’s mad. Then it’s no longer FOR HER
The 'smile on her face' part creeped me out too. Because it was not about her smiling because of her pleasure, but because he just wanted to turn her into a real life 'porn girl'.
Good point👍
It really depends on what he's asking of her. She's probably disgusted with what he's requesting because it's probably hard core. Then it's no longer fun for her or maybe she's ashamed to do that.
I agree, I think context is super important. There's an ocean of difference between things that are a little "cheeky" or "naughty" and things that can be psychologically or physically damaging. I know John doesn't have a huge amount of time with callers, but the vagueness has my guard up.
Ok how about this. Oral sex.
What about if it’s actually not extreme at all and it’s the bare minimum that other people consider normal.
@@DansyoungDude how old are you??? Let me tell you what someone obviously forgot to tell you.
First and foremost and ALWAYS, it is HER BODY, she ALWAYS RESERVE THE RIGHT to decide what can AND CANNOT be done to HER BODY.
It does NOT matter what other people consider "normal". IT'S HER BODY.
POINT
BLANK
PERIOD
Some men like to pee on women or have the women to pee on them. Idgaf who thinks that is "normal" or not that big of a deal, if the woman says No, it's a No.
Idgaf how many women are ok giving Bjs, for any woman that says No, to putting a man's anatomy in her mouth, it's a NO.
POINT
BLANK
PERIOD
@@aprilwashington3150 37, two kids. I think you misunderstand the big picture here. This woman isn’t attracted to him. Yes of course her body her choice, her actions show she is not attracted to him, so he should leave and find a woman who is.
His life, his choice and he shouldn’t waste it on someone who is using him and isn’t willing to work on the relationship.
Ps I have excellent personal control, that’s why I stay far away from modern females with this insane logic thinking they don’t need to put effort into relationships. The ultimate thing men want in life is peace. Avoiding abrasive women and conflict is the ideal situation.
I understand what she means. My first husband and I were very adventurous sexually together, and when I found out it was all due to porn I was disgusted and embarrassed. I no longer wanted to do anything with him. It’s always in the back of your mind, is he doing this with me because he wants me? Or is he thinking of her and I get to be his sex toy.
Exactly!
I’m curious, what is acceptable concerning learning material in regard to sexual adventure?
For example, would you be fine if you husband read it in a book or friend told him, etc or would you still be disgusted?
@@standground8284 no I wouldn’t. Why I find porn disgusting is because it’s no different than going out and sleeping with all those women, it shows you have 0 respect for women, you feel it’s perfectly fine to use them to fulfill your own sexual desires. I also think what kinda creep wants to watch others have sex? It’s like being a peeping Tom or sitting in the room while people have sex and you watch and jerk off. It’s gross. It’s no different than a woman who sleeps around, most men don’t want to be with a woman’s who’s been around the block and I don’t blame them. It shows a major lack in character imo.
My wife lived to be my sex toy AND my wife 😂
Women just do not understand porn. He’s not watching it for the woman in the porn. He’s jerking off to the act of sex. He might even be thinking about you while watching porn.
As a woman who watched porn myself, I assure you it’s not about the person you’re watching. It’s about sex in general. It’s really about sexual release honestly. Not even about anything else. It’s an impulse. Like scratching an itch.
I find it really strange that women make it about themselves. But it makes sense because you’ve never watched it. Or if you do watch it, you actually insert yourself into the scenes. Most ppl don’t really do that. Only really lonely obsessive ppl do that with specific porn stars or cam girls.
If he keeps trying to talk her into doing things she isn't comfortable doing, he is going to become an ex husband.
I really hope so, but it`s very clear that they are ultra religious and these communities tell women to "please their husbands" and that divorce is a terrible stain on somebodys life.
@anthill1510 well if he is a Christian he needs to understand vanilla sex is pretty much the standard for sex. All these kinks,fetish,and fantasy are all sin. especially since they likely came from his porn watching.
If you can't handle a man's sex drive why you get married sex is expected. A man got to be dumb if he gets married tbh
If she keeps being a dead fish lay with a narrow mind, and never into sex, she's going to become an ex wife
So if a wife is trying to talk her husband into spending money that he doesn’t want to spend, he should also divorce her right?
I agree with John on not labeling himself as an addict and not letting that be his entire identity, but what I don't agree with John and the husband on is the fact that they're both questioning why she doesn't wanna do these "spontaneous" sexual experiments. Like maybe she just.... doesn't want to, and if she doesn't want to do all that fancy stuff he's seen in porn, then she doesn't have to that's her right. And let's be honest the only reason the husband wants to do all that fancy sexual stuff is because he's seen it in porn and wants her to be a freak, well have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't want to be a freak and do all that extra unnecessary stuff? Maybe she just wants to be made love to and feel valued instead of being seen as some freak in the sheets just because you've seen it in porn. This is why it's important for men to not get addicted to porn cuz when they get into relationships they start expecting that of their girlfriends or wives when in reality that's all it is, porn, it's not real, it's an erotic fantasy. I had that exact same problem with my ex-husband, he watched so much porn that he started expecting me to do all those things like the girls in the videos and even said at one point, "no you're doing it wrong you're not doing it like the girl in the video" to which I frustratingly replied back, "I'm NOT the girl in the video I'm ME", an actual person who doesn't want to do all that extra crap just cuz you seen it in porn, anyways stay away from porn people, it'll have you having unreal expectations sexually from your partner and just make the relationship worse off for it.
👏👏👏
I think a lot of people don't know that the girls in those videos are usually on drugs to make them more relaxed and not feel any pain. It's a big issue in that industry that isn't really talked about that's why so many of those girls are drug addicts. There is a woman that was in the industry that did a big thing about it when three women she knew from her porn days died from over dose in like the span of a moth or so.
Thats the entire point of "questioning it". Its possible she is like that. But if you dont question and explore it, you really have no clue. John is spot on here
Seriously??? You lot sound dull as fuk!!! It's like, anything OIT of vanilla old boring missionary style is out of the question with you!!
Doing other positions other than that does NOT make you a freak!!! Honesty wtf is wrong with you boring lot!!
It's like you are shaming anything that comes naturally, to people who just, do other positions in bed!! It doesn't have to be the same old boring ONE position for the rest of your life!! Goad you guys sound so fk:ing narrow minded and stiff!!
Also, in porn it really isn't all that freaky for God's sake!! What so a cowgirl, rev. Cowgirl or doggy is now porn exclusive??!! Get a reality check!! People have done those positions for the centuries of time!!!
What is so outrageously weird for you that you won't step into more experimental aspects of love making!!
You put waayyy too much emphasis on.what porn does when in actuality, people can experiment and try things and it don't mean fuk all to do with porn!!
"I am a masturbatuation and porn addict." How often? Weekly! This is so sad, he doesn`t have an addiction, he is totally normal and the only people who think looking at porn once a week is some kind of problem or religious lunatics in the US. And it`s really crazy to think there is anything wrong with masturbation itself. I mean it´s concerning if he NEEDS porn to masturbate, that`s just a sad lack of imagination.
Fellas let’s get off the computer and in the gym and be the men we know we want to be
YES PLEASE
She tried the things he wanted her to try but she didn'tike them. He not only demands that she must continue to do the things that she doesn't like but also he demands that she must pretend to like the things that she doesn't like. And he thinks that if she doesn't want to do the things that she has already tried and disliked while pretending that she likes those things then she must have some sort of problem.
She doesn't want to give into his pornified mind, she doesn't want to feel like a porn star. Simple as that!
🎯
He's lucky he has such a great woman to who stood by him to this point. Appreciate her dude!
I wouldn’t say he’s lucky if he’s married to someone that doesn’t fulfill his sexual needs, that sounds terrible. That sounds like they didn’t dive into that topic enough before getting married.
Clearly he doesn't, and the men in the comments agree with him that she should be forced to do whatever he wants no matter how horrible it is for her and pretend to enjoy it.
@@Eric_BassettThey got together as virgins so how much can they discuss?
@@anndeecosita3586 expectations and boundaries…
She should leave him. He's disgustingly selfish.
Alot of people are saying it depends on what he's asking her.
I say, no it doesn't.
First and foremost and ALWAYS, it is HER BODY! She reserve ALL RIGHTS to what can AND CANNOT be done to HER BODY.
POINT
BLANK
PERIOD
Thank you. There are some people in the comments sounding like 🍇ists
Fine, it’s his body, which he uses to earn money that funds the household. The difference is he wouldn’t use that to coerce her into something she doesn’t want.
@@phipsdeus2
Your comment exhibits you have the emotional and intellectual capacity of a 2 yr-old.
To say anything more would be futile. ✌️❤
She has the right to say no obviously. But anyone I’m with can go ahead and be boring elsewhere with someone boring. Life is too short to have a boring sex life.
@@aprilwashington3150 Wooooooow. That was so passive aggressive and arrogant. I can't help but wonder if you might be projecting...
I can't help but think that this man's real problem is that he has a fetish for the taboo and for guilt. And he has a wife who thinks that him engaging in things that are taboo is utterly disgusting.
Which drives him crazy with desire for her, and makes her want nothing to do with him.
Correct
Yea they clearly aren’t a good match. They should divorce and find people they are on the same page with. Life’s too short to be living like that.
Rough way to go, Eric, but to your point, why having to be with a person isn’t on the level with you for the rest of life. That is a terrible way to live.
Yup
I’m really starting to dislike the term “vanilla” when referring to sexual intimacy. Married couples who aren’t influenced by watching other people have sex don’t view their regular routine of traditional lovemaking as “same ole, same ole, vanilla.” It’s exciting and fun every time because you’re expressing your love to your spouse. I don’t blame his wife one bit for not wanting to participate in whatever her husband watches on a computer screen, which is probably very selfish. Sorry dude, but this is your problem, not hers. You need to reframe your definition of intimacy, if that’s even possible. As long as you keep watching porn, you have zero chance. Poor wife.
A wife makes her husband (or vice versa) a casserole every night for dinner. She's expressing her love for him by making him dinner every night AND he's getting nourishment and what his body needs to function through food. That being said, it doesn't mean he doesn't get damn tired of eating casseroles every night for dinner. Your argument is not strong and only takes her into consideration.
@@ryanarcher7574 You’re absolutely right…when he has been used to sprinkling heroin on his food for years, her “made with love” meals cannot compete. Lesson? Don’t make eating a drug, and you’ll be amazed at how satisfied and delighted you can be with just a simple casserole cooked by the one you love.
I dunno. As a cook, vanilla is critical for making all sweetened baked goods aromatic and delicious. I think ppl make it seem like vanilla is boring but I see vanilla as being essential. It is in all baked sweets. It has a wonderful fragrance. Ppl need to stop thinking of vanilla as a negative but more the main essential flavor of things. You need vanilla first before trying other things out.
You know nothing about their actual sex life. You are only assuming that what he considers “experimenting” is somehow deviant.
Eh… your view of sex is a bit too idealistic. Sometimes you have to have a quickie because you’re too busy. You can’t even really have that deep of a connection but you both know you have physical urges that need to be fulfilled. There are the moments you can have those really deep sensual experiences (usually before kids are in the picture) and then you have the “let’s squeeze this quickie in before we never have any time again because we have kids” sex. There’s different flavors of sex. They’re not always this deep romantic thing. Not everyone has time for that lol.
He has been unfaithful to his wife for years and can't understand why hus wife doesn't want to jump off that brudge. He has betrayed her trust. He must build trust back and think of her instead of himself. Ultimate selfishness.
You think porn is unfaithful? Yikes I mean it depends on who you are I guess, and it should be a discussion before marriage I suppose.
What exactly is crazy in bed? Beating the hell out of each other? These callers make it like they're asking for something obscene.
I like tying down with my suit ties, blind folding, role play me as a masseuse, hot candle wax
@@GR-uc1gq Wild
He sounds like he has been told it is abnormal
They do....they want to push the envelope and turn women into jungle monkeys.
That's a fair question, because it's hard to know what he's asking for without giving any examples. It sounds like both this guy and his wife were victims of "purity culture" growing up, and they may be of the mindset that anything outside of missionary, under the covers, with the lights off is taboo.
Ugh the amount of people in the comments who sound like 🍇ists is disturbing. I hope the wife leaves him, because he doesn't want to change or humanize her.
So she doesn't want E coli salad in her mouth or other vulnerable places. Shocking! Something that could cause horrible infections in her body. How is she wrong? Sad he can't ask for specifics and then there are acts involving asphyxiation that could literally end her life if done... A lot of people are not understanding how far some corn* content has gone.
It really just depends on how far he wants her to go outside of her comfort zone. If he just wants to try a different position of otherwise normal PIV sex (like doggy or rev cowgirl), then yeah, she’s rather vanilla. If he wants to try blindfolding her or him or using toys during sex, then that’s still pretty vanilla to me, but maybe it’s too much for others. If he wants to try anal, then that starts getting further into things she would likely feel uncomfortable with, but there are plenty of people that enjoy it. But if he’s wanting to be pegged or he wants to choke her or he wants to go @$$ to mouth, then yeah, now we’re getting into things that the vast majority of people will not do and it’s mostly only in porn. But still, it’s what gets him off, so he can ask. But she has every right to decline. And if it’s too much for him, then they need to have a discussion about it. And if he can’t get past it, then maybe this relationship just isn’t going to survive. And maybe he can meet someone that’s also “recovering” in one of his groups and they can fulfill each others fantasies and be more open to those things bc of their past. 🤷🏻♂️
😂😂😂e.coli salad
Asphyxiation doesn't end your life if done right. Stop judging people when you literally know nothing about it.
@@JaZmine147Let me bring your attention to a very important point you made, IF DONE RIGHT. You said, IF DONE RIGHT.
I don't even know the act you all are talking about, but that in and of itself would be an ABSOLUTE NO for me.
@@aprilwashington3150 It's like saying driving a car could literally kill you. So therefore you don't like driving a car. But that's just you. Be and let be without this judgmental undertone, right? All the best for you.
"Wife doesn't want to experiment and do those things"
Well, that's an open and shut case. Just get over it, man. That's the solution right there.
Get over her. And then under a few other ones who are actually into it. Problem solved...
@@anisenkrill6179 i meant for him to get over himself. That isn't grounds for a divorce.
But a man that divorces a woman for a reason like that is probably doing her a favor ultimately
@@anisenkrill6179you mean get a divorce. Then yes problem solved
Exactly. Then she can find a guy who she has genuine desire for and wants to experiment with if she hasn't already. Win-win.
@@anisenkrill6179 not everybody wants to experiment at all, though. It's not a desire thing
For the love of god.. do not marry someone you aren’t on the same page with s3xually… life’s too short.
You can say that again.
Yeah, sadly a lot of people are judging the more sexually active community harshly.
Things should be discussed before marriage, but because of how society views sex, I think people are scared hoe their partner will view them, as some kinks can definitely get pretty intense to a normal person, and some kinks have laws around them even. XD
They were both virgins when they married, so how were they to know?
@@davinasquirrel7672 we can’t confirm that just by watching this, people lie. People leave out details.
@@Eric_Bassett Of course, always a possibility they lied. If I were to take that bet, I'd say he was less than 'innocent'. By definition, with the porn thing, hardly 'innocent'.
He's 31, and he's been watching porn since he was a teenager and he wants us to believe he ONLY watch it once a week🤔🤔🤔
Right. Weekly is not an addiction.
Why would he lie? It’s an anonymous…
@@tylersones6661I bet he watches it 5 times a week ..
@@tylersones6661 A person would lie out of the fear of being "discovered".
He shouldn’t be shaming himself
The problem with porn is that it gives men a false sense of what sex is. The actress is always ready and willing and sex lasts way longer than in reality. There's no real connection between people. Pornography never shows real life. In real life, both parties are working hard, may have kids, have problems that effect sex. It's unrealistic to think that pornography reflects an actual scenario and it sets unrealistic expectations. Pornographys value is it's only useful for masturbation.
The same is true of romance novels for women.
@@Alexander44665you are single or in an unhapy relationship, correct ?
@@calmingbabysleep1256 I'm single. So what? I have two eyes, two years and have lived on this rock called earth for over 40 years-I'm bound to notice a few things.
Am I not allowed to notice what's going on around me?
@@Alexander44665 lol of course you are. I'm a female and pretty jaded about the world too. I use that exact phrase all the time. Buttttt if you expect a woman worth a relationship just to have sex with no romance, prostitution is a better choice for you than ever having a relationship
@@calmingbabysleep1256 When did I bring up prostitution? When did I say there should be no romance? Just like women have needs, so too do men. I guess we are not allowed to talk about that.
Especially love the part about rebuilding by starting slow. Courting, holding hands, French kissing. Let’s rediscover each other. And this would be after they have that open discussion a few times.
How about being romantic? Opening the door for her, telling her that he loves her, bringing her a flower from the garden, drawing goofy stick people cards for her, writing her a poem or song that describes how much he loves her.
That is why the Beatles became so popular with girls, because they could write romantic love songs
Yesss ❤️ Sometimes I feel like I'm the only Gen-Z (22) who loves the old, simple chivalry. Trusting God for a wonderful gentleman when my time comes 🙏🏿
@@reneeantwi-boasiako3974 I am about to celebrate 51 years of marriage with my best friend. He still does these kinds of things for me. True love is not about having kinky sex, it is about loyalty, mutual respect, trust, taking care of each other, standing with each other through the rough times, having each other's back.
When we were first dating, we didn't have much money. He would take me to a lovely park surrounded by flowers and he would play his guitar for me and sing some of the love songs that were so popular in those days (1970's)
You think a hardcore porn addict, watching men pummel women to tears thinks holding hands and French kissing is exciting?? Lol The romance in this relationship is dead on arrival.
@@teresavoegele5114preach!!! When men find out that loving women in a non-sexual way makes women more sexually attracted to them, they'll have it figured out.
The comments at the end are Gold!!! Men need to remember sex for women is soooooooo much more than just about 'the act'. Women Need to know they can relax, women need to know they are loved , respected and have a good partner.
Women sleep around constantly
Even women are varied, you have vanilla ice cream which is fine.
I can do some crazy things in the bedroom and know that no matter what is said or done, I still love my partner and they love me.
Find someone you match with on a sexual level before marriage, ask your partner what they like, actually push. I like more than vanilla.
It always cringe to me when people appropriate diseases or addictions as their own. “My addiction”, “my cancer”, “my depression”. There’s something much deeper going on when you identify with these things…you become comfortable with them, you can lose yourself in them. This guy needs to heal and he needs to not use his wife’s body as the means to cope. I feel bad for her.
As a nine-year cancer patient, I have only said “my cancer” by accident. I immediately corrected myself. I learned early on to not claim it as part of my body. It does not belong here.
I’m sick to my stomach.
That doesn't really apply to depression, especially for people who have cyclical depression that goes away but also always comes back. If it's been with you for years, it's yours.
After 20 years … sex is the best bc you don’t care about all that extra jazz… you do you. Connection is the thing.
Being abused or other things can slow down the fun of enjoying your spouse 100% . Having said that, I’m convinced that sex at the age of 80 will be better than now even.
My man was a very patient man. Dealing with a spouse that had been sexually abused.
One day while loving each other he said to me , “ thank you for opening up to me” when he said that something broke off of me and o have been able to enjoy him since 💯.
This poor guy so desperately wanted to connect deeply to the one and only woman he deeply loved. I too desperately wanted to receive all of him. For me, but also for him.
Oh my! How beautiful 🥹❤️ I thank God you are blessed with an amazing husband
@mynameisjo1949... Thank you for sharing your story. That is how I've always imagine it would be if a couple goes it for years and is patient.
My sister once told me, "Everything I learned about love, I learned from my husband".
That was in year 4 of their 11 year marriage and she was the one who had confused sex with intimacy. ("Wham! Bam! Thank you, mame!" That was what she thought it was. 😞)
I'm so glad that, like her, he was gentle and loving enough with you that you eventually wanted to give yourself to him wholly.
Men have no idea the quiet power they can posses in the lives of women who LONG TO feel/be safe with them if they will try to put themselves in their place.
I am so,SO happy for you both. ❣️
@dcarr-kr7hk oh, these beautiful love stories are making my heart sing ❤️ 💕
How beautiful it can be ❤
That is beautiful. Thankyou for spreading some hope in this comment section. God bless your marriage❤❤❤
Porn ruins relationships, find a partner that has your same sexual language. Find a spouse that loves to experiment with you. Because this addiction will make your desire less, and less for your spouse as the years go by. Ask your spouse to pleasure you instead of going straight for the porn. If you’re in the shower, call your spouse and have them take care of you. It’s a shame he made this his identity and kept it from his spouse. Don’t waste nobody’s time if you don’t have the same sexual energy. She or he could have moved on to someone else who has the same energy and live a happy marriage. Just my opinion.
Very Well Said
John is a great therapist. Love how he can pivot between frat bro relatability to empathic insight to tough love.
@3:30 John asks, What is referring to yourself as an addict getting you?
My guess is, by referring to himself as an addict, he gets to escape accountability as he is "powerless" over his addictive behavior(s).
Delony was hung up on the addict part, thinking the wife just shut him down because of his past. He didn’t ask the guy how kinky he was wanting his wife to be. He said she was vanilla and he obviously wasn’t, since the things they wrote on the envelopes of what they were wanting/willing to do sexually didn’t even overlap. She might be vanilla, but he was obviously wanting things way out of her comfort zone and Delony didn’t even delve into that. For all he knew, the husband was wanting some BDSM stuff and the wife was like heck no! Who knows. She obviously didn’t want to be his next porn star and feed into his addiction. I really wanted more clarity on how far apart they were sexually and if there was even any room for compromise or common ground.
I'm with you here. I was highly disappointed that Deloney didn't ask anything about what he has been suggesting in bed. Or address how much or how often he is pressuring her. I was disgusted honestly. Too many men today have been with this guy. Consent is a thing, even in marriages.
What if what he is asking for are deal breakers for her. There are things I will do in a committed relationship and there are things that I hate. Some that I just hate because they are just not good. Some things are not good and in addition to not good i always feel good about my decision not to do it when I refuse and I feel bad the very few times in the past when I did do it and I got treated with less respect by my significant other when I did give in. So my advice to women is if you hate something don't do it. Have respect for yourself and other women who then have to deal with these entitled spoiled men who feel like kinks are somehow owed them . Men need to be greatful for vanilla and get over it. We are NOT toys we are human beings worthy of respect.
Absolutely. They will push you to it and then hate you after. Keep your dignity and don't feel pressured.
Exactly that's what I figured out after years of being my ex boyfriends sex toy. And besides they are never satisfied, they pursue something that just doesn't exist in reality. Remember women , you're not the problem, it's their problem , you just suffer the consequences of their distorted mind
For me personally - I need an emotional connection - so I need that as well as being willing to try new things together and both be willing to do positions, role-playing, oral and both willing to initiate. Not into any butt stuff- so if that is a need of hers it isn't going to work but other than that pretty open to other stuff. So we have that conversation early in the relationship. I definitely don't want a woman I am with to feel pressure but know that if she doesn't like things that are important to me the relationship won't work which is way better than lying to each other and eventually resenting each other or stepping out on each other.
There are kinky women out there?
That is okay if you are not one of them.
I have very wild tastes to the normal, I understand though what happens in the bedroom is bedroom play. I still love my partner, and they love me.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist I think 🤔 we really need to examine what is kink and what is bad and occasionally some things that are maladaptive and need to be rewired for the people who perform them and receive them to truly heal and become the best version of themselves
Yes, because there's nothing that makes us feel more loved, desired, and attractive than being someone's source for their fix (*hard eye roll). Sex/Porn addiction is prob one of the worst IMO because it can reduce the human body to a "vice". I surely wouldn't smile if someone made me feel that way.
Why is it that some people think you cant be kinky, but still love your partner?
I get that its not going to be for everyone, and a lot of kinks will disgust most people, but the comments here are putting down entire communities.
Filled with men and women.
Yeah... I'm not agreeing with John on this one. He spent half the conversation more or less trying to convince this man that he's not an addict, that he's simply missing connection. Which may be true, but the connection with his wife was taken most likely by the addiction. So which came first?
🎯
I used to be willing to be more experimental in the bedroom, but my husband became too pushy about it and guilted me all the time, even when it was causing me a lot of pain, I eventually started to HATE sex entirely. I genuinely felt used and started to become depressed and felt like a terrible ‘wife’.
I finally told him we simply couldn’t do that anymore because it’s making me really dislike sex, he was first upset but eventually apologetic, so now our sex is just vanilla as the caller said, I’ve come to start enjoying it and initiating it again.
Every now and then my husband still makes the comment about certain sexual acts and I immediately get anxious and immediately turned off. I assume my husband watches porn and developed these fetishes when he was young, so try to get over it quickly. Thankfully he seems to still really enjoy the vanilla stuff and I think it’s because he can tell I enjoy it and that’s quite reassuring.
Yeah, that can be hard.
I would say kudos to at least trying some stuff, but definitely shouldnt push boundaries to painful or uncomfortable.
Sadly I think its hard to find people that we connect with on a sexual level sometimes. I think partially because people demonize sex, and you usually dont find out what a person is into, until time has been invested in the relationship.
Things would honestly be better if we could cut through BS in my opinion, and say, hey I like A B C on politics, D E F, on kids, G H I on bedroom stuff, finances, and religion.
I think things would be way better. I hate the superficial way some people act.
Though I also feel like I cant be myself because I know I’m into some crazy things that many here in the comments seem to demonize kinky people.
defending watching porn once a week is crazy. yes, its not as bad as daily, but did you all miss the part where he said he's married? i view that as him cheating on his wife. also do you not understand how addiction works? porn is addictive and it can easily become once a week, to twice a week or more, to daily. also i really don't think viewing porn should be considered normal at all.
If you consider it cheating to watch porn while you are married. You should also consider the fact it is emotional abuse to make no effort to satisfy your partner.
@@Dansyoung yes, I do agree with that. he is probably a lonely guy that feels unheard and i dont think that's fair. but we also didn't hear the wife's perspective in this phone call.
@@cryptopox Unfortunately that is the dynamic that is missed. ALOT of the time the wife isn’t attracted to her husband. She likes his finances and provisions, she likes that he’s consistent and reliable, he’s her best friend, and will have children with him. But there isn’t lust or willingness to put in more effort like she would with a man she’s extremely attracted to.
@@Dansyoungyou could just as easily say HES not making the effort to satisfy HIS partner by NOT RESPECTING shes uncomfortable doing things he picked up from porn
@@bleudiamondbleu Ok, and that’s why I would tell a man to stay single and not waste his time if the relationship does not have two partners working together.
They can be really good friends who don’t have sex, no sense being married.
When you ask young men if they have watched sexual content at least once a week, 9 out of 10 will raise their hands. When you ask them if they have watched more than once a week, 8 of 10 will raise their hands...
Sad truth
@@prettywhitney17 I'm curious. Why do you think that? I didn't think that's a sad thing to do 🤔
@@thomascho3318because porn is a pathology
A movie with a little sexual content compared to a video of full blown porn are both considered porn although the latter is more intense and less modest
@@prettywhitney17
Nothing wrong with it? I might join my partner in watching together?
Like people acting like women cant be kinky either.
Pornography doesn't enhance relationships, it drives a wedge in between the couples, turning sex into something base and filthy instead of sublime. I'm so glad that me and my fiance' are on the same page with this, that it is about interpersonal, Loving connection, instead of going with every urge and kink that, rather than heightening intimacy, distracts from it. The thrill should come with the knowledge of being blessed to be with the one you Love.
I believe his need stems from a symptom of watching pornography. Many of the wild fantasies he may want to try with his wife, or that he might attempt with her, are things he has seen in movies. However, it's important to remember that these movies don't reflect reality. The intense scenes we see in pornography aren't what happens in real life, or what real women enjoy in bed. Unfortunately, his desire is a result of years of consuming these videos, which have created unrealistic fantasies that don't align with real-life experiences. This is a common issue that affects the sexual lives of many individuals and couples. Unrealistic fantasies based on entertainment movies can be confusing and damaging. Good luck to us!
Some of it does happen in real-life though. I can't think of anything I've every seen in porn that doesn't happen in real life. Some of it might be over-wrought or exaggerated but folks do some things out here..
Right. It's called Adult ENTERTAINMENT for a reason.
@aclb2045... Yeap!
Umm thats not exactly true… girls can like kinky things too. I certainly should know.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist your comments are shadow hidden
Once a week seems tame but people are forgetting the part where he can't stop himself.......that's the "addiction" aspect. It's the fact that he can't stop himself. Like smoking a cigarette once a week, if you can't avoid it, it's a problem.
Stop stop stop 🛑
I seriously have an issue with the fact that you challenge his recovery tool box, if he internally came to that conclusion through his own internal investigation.
I absolutely love your videos!! Huge fan!!!
HOWEVER , when you tell someone that they need to stop referring to themselves as an ADDICT when they themselves has come to that conclusion with years of personal turmoil and experience, you cross the line is professional!!!
I’m really gonna try and put this video aside and just listen to the similarities and not the differences because that’s what my program taught me,
BUT I will tell you when you take that away from him when he trust you and you challenge that that identity in himself that’s allowed him to seek help,
Allowed him to find connection,
Allowed him to stop his addiction
You are playing with fire and you will not have to deal with the consequences if he in turn relapses!!
I know you’re direct, but that is crossing the line it’s professional I’m shocked.
Most professional encourage recovery because the tools, community and resources it gives someone.
This video made me sick to my stomach with worry for that man and what struggles he is about to face.
Calling himself an addict takes all the responsibility off himself. he can claim to have no self control and no responsibility for his actions because he's an addict. And dumps it all on her.
I'm not sure she is safe in that marriage to him. The only thing that matters to him is getting his kinks fulfilled. And it's not even enough that she does his kinks for him. He wants her to do it with a smile.
Gives me serial apist, unaliver, victim chained up in a cage in the basement vibes. Chained up victim in the cage won't smile. Now he's got to get her to do that.
Wife needs to get out and run fast and far. He has no respect for her as a human being.
You're being ridiculous.
He gave off zero vibes of a bad creeper.
Just sounds like he has u realistic fantasies
He gave pff total creeper vibes.
How adventurous are they outside the bedroom.
Hobbies?
Do they connect through common interests?
When is the last time they screamed and laughed outside the house with their clothes on?
Also for those downplaying once a week?
Yeah a drug addict starts off with a so called harmless amount too.
Turn off the computer and turn up getting out the house. ❤
With this dude, the answer is none. Hes not stimulating her in ways she needs outside the bedroom.
What are you trying to say?
@@omotayosatuyi252 that he needs to spend quality time with her
@@omotayosatuyi252 He's trying to say exactly what he said: marriages die when couples don't make time to connect emotionally and intellectually as well as sexually, and also porn is toxic and the guy needs to ditch it.
As a recovering heroin addict.. i find it so offensive to call these bad habits addiction. You won't be shaking and vomiting without porn.. its not a real addiction in my opinion
“Don’t over-therapize this” incredibly powerful statement. My respect for John continues to grow every time I listen to one of these clips
No is no women need to be loved for their individual selves not tricks in bed.
Tricks in the bed are underrated 😂
Who says you cant have both? Some of the comments are a bit narrow minded honestly.
I like kinky things, but it doesnt mean I value myself or my partner any less than you do yours.
I think you are not seeing what I am saying. And I think that constant reevaluation is necessary for the health of every relationship. However while sexual intimacy is almost always a part of long-term romantic relationships. It is not healthy to base that around kinks. With a kink there is always some weird unaddressed wiring around it . Kind of like the child still sucking their thumb at age five. If you are into a safe kink and it really and truly is not something that demeans or hurts your partner then doing it causes no physical harm, but if you do it with our truly examining why you want to it will eventually destroy a lot of your core self. There are things that I like that some think are odd because I am wired a bit differently nerve ending wise so it is actually very easy if you no which kind of touches and where to get me going. But at the same time alot of the stuff that alot of men. have been taught is necessary for pleasing women is overstimulating or feels uncomfortable or bad to me. It took me years to figure out what is normal and healthy for most people and what is healthy and normal and good for me. And I have also learned that fourty percent of men have not been taught how to please women properly and appropriately and think that some stuff is ok when it is absolutely not because women have surcomed to social pressures from men so very long that they think the ONLY way to get a man's love is to pretend convincingly enough to like to do and receive things they really don't like. Thirty percent of women do this. And fourty percent of men have unrealistic unfair expectations in the bedroom because they have looked at stuff that is not fair instead of learning what is really enjoyable for both.
Its hard to break free from something that you identify yourself being chained to.
This is a conversation that needs to be had a whole lot more. There are so many spouses who dont open up to their spouse for 10+ yrs about this stuff and more. That's crazyyy
It's like asking his wife to try something he's tried with another woman, not food 🤦. You can't compare porn addiction to food or alcohol addiction.
I completely get his wife's apprehension to not want to try something he picked up from watching porn.
I'd want nothing to do with it either because I would feel like I would be being compared to those women who feely perform ways I may not like to do, or not perform to his expectations of what porn has taught him.
Good point he should’ve never brought up the porn and just asked his wife can we try some new things
So say his wife loves flowers, and loves getting flowers as a gift. He doesn’t like flowers, and thinks they are a waste of money.
Should he not meet his wife in the middle and get flowers sometimes because it’s not all about him and his partner is important to him?
Exactly
@@Dansyoung you can't compare that at all.
@@Momtojoshcanpark Why not? That is an extremely fair comparison. In a relationship both parties should be working together as a team to meet each others needs and desires.
This man should be giving his wife huge props for staying with him, despite his use of pornography. He betrayed their most intimate relationship. Now he doesn't understand why she does not want to participate in those activities that he betrayed her with? The only question should be, how could she stay with this man in the first place? He may be a good man, but he is not a good husband.
Well-said. He’s been unfaithful their entire marriage and has tainted their sex life. He’s lucky to have one at all!
She should leave
He chose her becoise he can manipulate her
Ppp
Know why they chose a spouse
She needs to say no
And get a divorce
He is ubsesed with a certain fantasy
And is kind of forcing it on her
Lots of non religious couples watch porn its not that big of a deal outside of your little bubble.
@@firefly9838the point is that they weren’t watching porn together. It was something he did alone, and hid from her. Naturally, she feels betrayed. Why would she want to personally emulate the acts in which he betrayed her with?
@@firefly9838 It's not about religion. It's about being with someone else sexually in your heart and mind. For many couples, that is betrayal. Lots of couples also include multiple partners in their bed. That doesn't mean it is not a big deal to other people.
Classic man. Completely ignoring boundaries.
*The thing about addiction is that you're trying not to repeat the same old behaviors and patterns. And admitting that you're powerless over sex doesn't mean you include someone else in your own fantasies and/or behaviors. While the caller seemed well-versed and polite, in the end I was hearing, "Go ahead and include your wife in well thought out fantasies as she will welcome those too."........NOT.*
Eh, nothing wrong with being kinky and wanting excitement.
Being extra polite is a manipulation type
Sex is the biggest addiction in usa
Im with Delony here….i was in treatment close to double digits for marijuana and had to address myself as an addict. Inpatient treatments, outpatient, prison treatment. All for marijuana. I havent been in treatment for over a decade and i still consume marijuana. I do not believe i am powerless to it, is it addictive? Yes……i do not consume on weekends when i have my daughter, i own 2 businesses, i run 2 miles 6-7 days a week, i workout 6-7 days a week. I do like marijuana and it can be a problem. Understanding that and understanding yourself is where the power lies, we are not powerless to anything. The mind is a great great powerful thing
Caller, if you’re reading the comments, I hope this helps. As women, if we experience something we find to be traumatic, we tend to get PTSD reactions when we find ourselves in similar emotional situations. I believe this happened to her when you told her about your pornography problem. She had painted a saintly type picture of you in her head, and when she found out that picture wasn’t a reality, and she felt like you lied to her and betrayed her, that feeling became engrained in her because she realized how naive she had been with you. This isn’t just a YOU issue. This is her unknowingly battling the problem of her naivety and wondering how she could have missed the signs. She also doesn’t believe anymore than she is special to you and of high value. I believe that she needs therapy to realize that none of this has to do with her being less valuable, it has to do with her naivety about the world. Until she addresses that issue, you will keep cycling. Keep working on yourself and trying to be a good man day by day. Over time, she will learn to trust herself and you again.
A great insight. I also think that a woman will no longer feel safe, and suspect that her husband's attitude to women is unpleasant and unkind. We don't know what type he was watching, but it is unlikely to be a great experience for a woman. He needs to examine how he felt about what he saw, how he would regard the women filmed, etc. I know I would think - why would he not have the same underlying attitude to me? I think he should focus on romance, sensual touch (not sex) until she is relaxed enough to be the one to take some of the initiative. He needs to imagine what he would be feeling if she had been lusting over men who were better endowed, more desirable than he is and how it would affect his performance
@@pixie3458 agreed! This a great addition to my comment above. Many times men will gloss over how they might feel if the shoe was in the other foot, but they are unable to do so in this situation unless they view their own wife in the place of the woman in the porno. Or even worse, if it was their own daughter….
The word PTSD is thrown around way too much lately. PTSD is something that people who have real trauma experience. His wife doesn't have PTSD-she just isn't attracted to him.
The wife is using his use of adult content as an excuse. Even if it wasn't an excuse (and it is), it really demonstrates the fact that men shouldn't be honest with their wives about their struggles-the woman will always use it against them.
@@Alexander44665 I don’t believe this to be true. She might not be attracted to him in this moment, but it has to do with her emotional attraction and feeling safe with him. Not physical attraction. Healthy Women need emotional safety and emotional connection to want to have sex with their partner. She doesn’t feel that right now in this moment.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b this is exactly right. He isn’t the spawn of Satan for wanting to be more adventurous, but it’s not the right timing. They both need to be patient and grow from this individually.
What about the fact that viewing pornography and self pleasure is selfish on your part and is infidelity in her eyes? She needs trust and security restored. I pray she heals as you are trying to do.
Lmao "infidels" is what the arab terrorist scream... maybe wake up and realize your living in 2024 and nobody cares
The thing is anything can be considered vanilla compared to an extreme. We dont know if what the caller was asking his wife was reasonable or safe.
This guy is emblematic of the problems we’re facing as a society.
I love dr John. It is so evident he genuinely cares about callers ❤️
You are underestimating his wife's pain.
John “Honey, get the jumper cables” Delony
I just died 😂😂😂
I haven't tried jumper cables yet. Thanks the the idea. 😂
Great comment
🤣😂
It sounds like you're saying she has to change just because he wants something. She has been hurt and needs to be allowed to move on when she's ready, not just because he thinks he is ready.
Respect her.
What about her respecting him?
@@aydinsha I don't think you know what respect is.
@@KidCity1985 I don't think you know what he's even asking for them to do it any of the details, so you're jumping to conclusion.
Sometimes part of a relationship is give and take and doing things you might not enjoy or feel comfortable with out of respect for the other person. Goes both ways. Obviously neither of us know what he's asking for so it's hard to say. Maybe he just wants more than missionary, or maybe he wants to tie her up and do anal. Obviously those are two very different levels of expecting the other person to "respect" your desire at the expense of their own comfort zone.
Either way if they're not sexually compatible this isn't going to end well.
One thing I do agree on is that it's bs that he says he wants to make HER smile when she's clearly not into it.
Perhaps she is demeaned by your fantasy. Do you want to traumatize her???
the thing with recovering from pornography, is that you have to cleanse your mind from what you’ve seen. it’s unfair and disrespectful to make your wife an object to perform your possibly unsafe and perverted sexual fantasies upon. it sounds like he doesn’t love her because he can’t stop proposing these things to her; for him, sex isn’t an act of love, it’s just something to get him off. addicts aren’t fulfilled by ‘normal’ sex and he needs a deep detox from everything that triggers fantasies or thoughts.
I'm glad to hear John say that it's not okay to call yourself an addict. That's always been my main issue with 12-step programs.
The recovery programs are telling both of them that the situation is worse than it actually is. They need to get away from the "recovery groups" and talk.
He's been wacking off to p*** since he was a teenager and he's 31. You really think he only watch once a week? 😑
I think it's more than he's comfortable sharing.
Intimacy honesty #1, sex needs/wants, why not talk? Making love, having fun playing, so important ❤
Great call
First step to getting help is realizing you have a problem. That’s a great thing for him to own up and to want to change that. John is so good at pulling all the little elements from a story that make the bigger picture, there’s always something causing these feelings and producing these urges.
Men with these addictions are CREEPY. Maybe she thinks he’s gross.
😮
I definitely do. My husband use to have a porn addiction and he gave it up. I’m proud of him and I love him more than anything in this world, but sometimes I can’t help but feel repulsed by him and like he’s discussing. It’s no different than men who feel the same way about women who sleep around. It’s gross and degrading.
Agreed.
agreed, it makes me sick
@@Black_Samurai-fish
AGREED. I would love to hear the wife's point of you, because I guarantee he's asking for something really deviant.
I don’t think this guy has a problem, I think it’s a spousal compatibility issue but he’s so determined to see his sexuality as a symptom of addiction he can’t or won’t see it.
Most men do have issues with porn and sex though. Men want to force women into doing this performative porn sex, and we don't want to do that all the time. Even women in porn are getting paid because most women don't wanna do all that, plus most of it is NOT pleasurable. Did you know P in V sex is women's least liked sex act? Penetrative sex is not that great for women. Sorry to men.
Out of all comments I agree with this one the most.
I agree! I think he made a mistake lying about his desires to himself and marrying someone who didn’t match who he really is! He could’ve easily found someone who believed in God but still watches or has watched porn and he could be himself around! It’s like he trying to avoid his dark side by clinging to the church for self esteem and just ends up resenting them and his wife for not being allowed to express who he really is and wants to be
Addiction is generally tied to harm or negative outcome. “I can’t stop eating donuts and it’s causing me to gain weight” is a food addiction. I don’t think anyone colloquially would consider “I eat one donut a week” to be a food addiction. This guy was probably raised religious conservative so he carries a lot of guilt
"He could’ve easily found someone who believed in God but still watches or has watched porn..."
Except that he was smart enough to know that that wasn't the kind of woman he wanted to marry. Despite what he shared, he knew that pornography (he called it his "dirty little secret") was harming him and it was for that very reason that HE HID IT!!!
Had he genuinely loved her?
He would have told her before they got married (something I once asked a young man to do upon his eengagement) and she could have made an "informed" decision.
Why did he not do that?
Because he understood that he might have been risking her not marrying him.
See. Everyone of us is already selfish. (It's evident as we watch a couple of toddlers slug it out over a toy -- sometimes when there is an entire room full but they both want the same one. 😄)
But pornography?
Pornography is the epitome of selfishness.
He conducted himself as his indulgence in pornography had taught him to do.
Now it's time to grow up and out of it's influence.
Absolutely love the pushback on the 12 step programs. Went to probably a thousand meetings and feel the same way
Im more freaky than my girlfriend and it is a struggle. Me and my ex would do everything under the sun and it was great but she was crazy. Sometimes you have to pick between a great girl or a freak
That’s not really mutually exclusive. It’s not like you get Vanilla or crazy…
There are plenty of great people who are also freaks in the sheets…
My father-in-law was married to a woman with histrionics and borderline personality disorder. Apparently she was a total freak in bed!! Screamed a lot… everything. But the other crazy was CRAZY… stole all the inventory in his business, kidnapped their kid, and burned their business to the ground. Wasn’t worth it…. 😂
Don't try to make women who don't make sex their entire personality do things that they don't feel loved doing.
Yup, there's a reason why crazy pants women are never single
@ifinditinteresting.8709 You sound like you've got some baggage. It's not that serious lmao.
Man I really should call in... Yall would have quite the time with my situation lol
Call
Maybe you should call then
You just gonna leave us hanging like that?
@@jelenasuzic824 I’m guessing he just means he jerks off a lot haha
Ok ok ok fine I submitted my question to them online. We shall see if they want me on...
I think it depends on what he wants to do… some men watch porn and the females are pretending to like it so they assume women will like it… but a lot of it is disgusting and uncomfortable/painful.
Ye there are many delusional males who even think it will make the woman like them more or improve their sexual relations somehow…
Great hair cut John !
It wasn’t until the age of 40 (male) that my memory of being exposed to pornography as a child (age of 7) surfaced. In my 20’s I was in a relationship for a few years with a woman that was also exposed at a early age also, when she randomly found my history of a porn web address in the browser bar she crawled into a closet and had a breakdown until I found her. I had no idea what was wrong until she told me.
The best advice I can give is a lot of men and women have porn addictions and damage because of exposure at an inappropriate age. I’m not defending the caller or the use of porn but It’s not always our fault and it doesn’t make us bad people. Be honest and open with your partner in every aspect of your relationship.
So in conclusion people be honest. Because if you misrepresent yourself the other person has every right to either leave you or expect you to make good on your lies.