John Branyan - The Three Little Pigs
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- čas přidán 28. 11. 2011
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Ever wondered what "The Three Little Pigs" would sound like if it had been written with a more classic, robust command of the English language? John shows you in this very funny stand-up bit.
Here's the electric cigarette John uses!
www.johnbranyan.com/greensmoke/
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#!/jbranyancomedy - Komedie
My daughter's creative writing class watched this. She came home and said, "Woe! Woman who hath birthed me, tis I, thy favorite advanced student entering upon the threshold of thy humble abode! I pray thee that thine will let me screen a video upon computer monitor from an internet website that will make you guffaw with great joy at the sight of it!" When I watched the video, I was very confused, then I realized that my daughter had a way better vocabulary then I did, and now I know where she got it. Thank you comedians!
Yes, I am very articulate.
thou art in possession of high wit and whither. Yonder.
Is it pretentious of me to point out that “thine” should rather be “thou”? 😉
@@lizw6301 I, too, was tempted to say thus.
Liz W
“Pretentious of ONE” maybe...
He had me at: "In times past though not long ago, there lived pigs--in stature, little; in number, three-- who being of an age, both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune, did set about to do thusly."
As pig three puffed out his chest and tapped it with a hoof, he replied: "It's American made."
I almost died laughing.
+Amanda Lyons I did die laughing.
I died 3 times that day...
it was bad
Hecho en America por Mexicano.
I did this for a Talent Show at school.....and nobody understood it but the English teachers. I still won the grand prize.
Cameron Priest I wanna see that
Very like unto a boss art thou, truly.
Glad 4 ya, Olde English is KOOL been reading Hamlet as of late and various bits of
Shakespeare, Branyan is a bloody riot!
@@alisontibbens2155 Touche'
Sad
Causing Pig Two to cry out in dismay, "Well, this knots my knickers!"
HILARIOUS!!!
Now that is how you use a thesaurus
5
"I wrote in, they wrote back - Dinosaurs are dead." ~Brad Stine~
@@Moviefan2k4 "What? no I'm kidding, he couldn't read"
😂
This is beyond funny. Tears of laughter describes my reaction. I really appreciate comedy that does not have to resort to shock value or endless profanity laced with sexual innuendo.
Great Job, John Branyan, brilliant to say the least!!!
Ralph Raabe same here
What did you say about my mama?
I'm addicted to this routine. He's awesome.
My good sir, thou hast my sincerest thanks, for I doth, with audacious vigor, must simply declare, without guile or fraud, that this amusing spectacle so sent by your hand, hath fallen upon my eyes and ears to no small delight, and shall indubitably tickle my fancy for at least a fortnight.
"Indubitably." Reminds me this of particular video, wherein the Three Stooges were forcing confession, as Officers of the Peace are wont to do, when the Suspect when prompted with this question; "Did you do it?" responded "Indubitably!" Whereupon the Leader of these Characters three did riposte with this one sentence: "Oh, you're holding out on us, eh?" Prior to this moment, that word had never passed mine ears, nor been sighted by mine eyes; and, as such is often the case in times of heightened emotional excitement, a memory was made, that will thenceforth remain in the inner recesses of the mind, to be called forth with the utterance of this one word: indubitably.
I doth concur.
Yep
"...splattered second swine shack and shortened his sanctimonious scolding simultaneously!"
alliteration at its best
Shakespeare would have been so proud.
how he kept himself from becomin' tongue-tied is IMPRESSIVE!!!!!!!!!
I'm in college now, and i've had to show this to every english teacher since 9th grade
How on earth can one remember such exquisite vocabulary.
They use their brains more actively, instead of becoming addicted to computerized phones or tablets.
You would need to be familiar with Olde English
I am a 60 year old Mom who home schooled all three of my kids; and they all read Shakespear. All I can say to you, kind sir, is that You Nailed It!!!! Great Job!!!
In time past, though not long ago, there lived pigs, in stature, little, in number, three, who, being of an age both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune did set about to do thusly:
When they had traveled a distance, pig numbered first spake saying, “Harken Brethren, heed this tempestuous realm! Tarry we long from hearth and home, we shall fair, I fear, *snort* not well!”
And so being collectively agreed, but individually impelled, the diminutive swine set about each to erect for himself an abode.
Pig numbered one did construct his house from straw. Pig numbered two did likewise, though rather not from straw but instead from sticks.
Meanwhile, unique in his imaginings, pig numbered three did erectus his domicile stalwart and garish a structure made from brick entirely.
Soon there happened along, as is frequently the scenario in classic tale of protagonist pig or red hooded child - a wolf.
Carnivorous nature in full season, he called out to the straw staunched swine saying, “Pray thee, little pig, grant me entrance.”
But pig one recalled with sage foreboding that he is mad who trusts in the tameness of a belly pinched wolf and responded immediately, “Nay it shall NOT be indeed! Not by wit or whiskered jowl!”
Prepared for this most expected response, the wolf replied immediately, “Then steal thyself, little pig! Forthwith shall I endeavor by employing means both huffing and puffing to dismantle yon flaxen fortress!”
Where upon there issued forth from the wolf an exhale of gale proportions that quickly rendered straw hovel to dregs and dross and carried aloft piglet and shattered quarters both.
Exposed now to claw and fang, piglet one made haste, wolf in pursuit, to the stick festooned sanctum of peccary secondary.
Causing pig two to cry out in dismay, “Well, this knots my knickers! The marshaling of feral wolf to my doorstep is nowhere among those endeavors amenable nor congenial!”
“A thousand pardons!” Squealed one. ”T’would seem the beast’s baneful breath has purged me of home and sound judgment alike!”
The mighty maelstrom of the wolf’s exhale…splattered second swine’s shack and shortened his sanctimonious scolding simultaneously.
“Low and behold!” Squealed two, “stand we now amid wooded wreckage, tremulous and vulnerable with nary a strategy for eschewing the canine devourer looming in deadly proximity!”
“Strategy?” Squealed one, “While ‘tis noble to contemplate tactical particularities, pressed as we are with the time restraint forbidding detailed strategical conversations, I would URGE WE RUN!”
Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee!
Whether by their own fleet footed competence or the wolf’s windless attitude, the diminutive swine arrived at their ultimate kindred neighbor’s inexpugnable brick ingress unscathed.
Upon the third pig’s door with urgent hooves they pounded calling out, “Unbar this entrance and with haste, we beseech thee!”
The third pig haled from the American colonies,
And possessing a vocabulary substantially less robust than his impromptu visitors replied, “Say what?”
“Seek we sanctuary!” They implore on the verge of hysteria, “Lest we fall forthwith to the ravenous appetency of yonder approaching carnivore!”
Still confounded by their importunate words, Pig three did render ajar his portal whereupon one and two spilled through and collapse beyond the threshold, enervated.
“So y’all just wanted to come in? You could’a said that.”
The sinister hiss of the wolf could once again be heard outside, “Pray thee pigs, grant me entrance!”
“The wolf!” said one and two.
“Wolf?” said three, “What’chya suppose he wants?”
“He seeks to gain purchase within, indeed he would occupy this very alcove were he but afforded the most meager of opportunities!”
“Right…I’m just gonna go ask him what he wants.”
“Under no circumstances!” Squealed two flinging self bodily against the portal, “there is naught to be gained accosting external opponent save our immediate demise!”
“What did you say about my momma?”
House and occupants were again engulfed in a malevolent blast of wolfish wind. The foundation shook, the frame rattled, and low, to the astonished eyes of piglet and encroaching scoundrel alike, stood the third pig’s lodging undaunted.
(Good news for you, pig fans.)
Aghast and dismayed, pig two quarried of three, “How does, against such relentless and torrential onslaught, this domicile endure?”
Pig three, puffed out chest, tapped a hoof to the hearth and responded, “It’s American made.”
Some spelling and word changes.
"hearken, brethren"
"We shall fare"
"erect as his"
"straw-ensconced swine"
"then steel thyself"
"lo and behold"
"hailed from"
"And lo, to the"
"pig two queried"
@Sugar&Spice It is in book form. A fellow teacher got it for me as a gift about 3 years ago.
Save our *own* immediate demise
Other then that its perfect bravo
I was going to look up the text, but found he had it as a book 🥰
I've watched this a hundred times and still love it!
I'm still waiting for Shakespearean version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Red Riding Hood, and Jack and the Bean Stalk.
+Chris Herring
Great minds think alike, Chris! John published a book version of the Three Pigs. And then he followed it up with his version of Goldilocks that he illustrated himself... You can check them out here: czcams.com/video/OxoUUbMii7Q/video.html
Amanda McKinney I can't get the link to work
If he does them I'd buy them all 😄❤️ We bought this one and my children love it 😄❤️
@@amandamckinney928 I can't get the link to work, but thanks for sharing this, as now I can look it up ❤️
@@amandamckinney928 Oh, wow.
I keep watching this over and over and over...
+Andrea Davis Me too!
Andrea Davis
me too. I love it.
Andrea Davis we played it in social class before I graduated and I actually got to see this live once! It was brilliant
Never gets old.
Most beautiful version of this story, I have yet to hear. As well, HELL YEA! AMERICAN MADE BABY
"NOT BY WIT OR WHISKERED JOWL!"
This guy is so awesome.
This is not Elizabethan English but a clever parody of it. Bravo!
I will soon be an uncle. The child will hear this story... often.
Did you buy said child the book? My niece and nephew love it :)
I use this and his book in my High school English class to teach teach Shakespeare. it introduces the language in a form the kids can grasp...
As a hardcore story junky and lover of fairy tales and nursery rhymes and Shakespeare in pure form, I say this is by far the best version of the three little pigs that I have ever heard. John Branyan--you are brilliant! and your lexicon is greatly expanded and I thoroughly have enjoyed this bit!!! Thank you thank you! Hilarious.
Would love it if you create a whole album of nothing but nursery rhymes like this. Hilarious! Also would love to see the effect of someone who actually speaks Queens English to someone who claims they only read the King James Version. It would be a great social experiment.
I AGREE WITH YOU AND WE HAVE THE,SAME FIRST NAME HILARIOUS LOL
Does it make me a nerd if I understood him perfectly?
Liam Silva it would make me a nerd too
That makes my mostly a nerd (I understood most of what he said.
nope. Not at all. I understood it perfectly as well
I understood it but I wouldn't have told anyone I do. Not sure why!
Half of it at best for me though the only reason I understood even that was because I know the 3 little pigs story
I love it when comedians crack themselves up!
It is a brilliant comedy routine. John has published it as a delightfully illustrated booklet you can order from him.
my language arts teacher went to school with this guy
The moral of the story is, make sure your house is American made
OMG
First saw this in Grade 10 English class. Still brilliantly humorous to this day.
Yeah me too. I couldnt help but search it.
Grade 7th drama.
Excellent .175 people wonder if it comes on DVD .
I remember him performing this bit at a church in Virginia and the silence was deafening
I'm an English teacher and I'm totally going to show this in class :D
Have to view this ever six months or so for a superlative giggle :D
Is it just me, or is Piglet #3 actually Ron White in disguise?
Yes
Good call.
This is hilarious! I would love to have a whole book of stories written in this style--love it.
Oh please rewrite and create a colection of all fairy tales, please.
Still watch this. It cheers me up so much on a bad day; and is a delight on a good one.
The best presentation of John Branyan's "Shakespearian Telling of the Three Little Pigs". He has done this comedy for many years and a number videos of it are on You Tube. This one, in my opinion, is the best....
[giggling] Lovely job. ^_^
I actually grew up reading classics-my mother thought they were necessarily appropriate for children to read, so I'd get handed Ernest Hemingway while being forbidden to read Goosebumps. My stepfather and brother and others would mimic archaic style and verbiage but completely mess it up-they mangle syntax or word usage or something. Branyan obviously had a clue and was using it on purpose. Not the easiest to do. Kudos to him for that. :)
My class watched the and counted the different ways of saying house. We got 12/13 without the double ups
He does such a brilliant job of vocalizing each character.
what'd you say about my momma? lol
How long do you think it took him to practice that.
conner baldwin about as long as it took me to reply to this comment from when you first posted it
LOL
hi. I love this. I wish you would do the rest of the fairtales like this. As historians and linguists I and my friends would love more of these.
as a man who just loves humor, I would love this,
One of the best comedic bits ever created. Epic and gets me every time, God bless.
I love vocabulary, and I love how John kept laughing as he thought ahead on what ridiculous things he was about to say. :P
AWESOME! Now, do Goldilocks and the Three Bears
I don't care if it's not "Old English", this is wonderful and I love it! (BTW: keep up the Poddy Time podcasts, Tim!!!)
LOVE this! Never fails to make me laugh until my sides hurt!
I've seen this a hundred times and it makes me laugh every single time.
this is the 2nd time I've listened to it.
You are to be commended. This was fantastic. I may have peed myself a little.
I say old chap. thwas extraordinarily well executed. Bravo.
i've seen this several times, and it's always achingly funny. Not just the language, but the delivery. He's a marvel.
One of the funniest things I have watched in quite a while. This made my morning!
Amazing.
Tho I was compelled to adjust the delivery to a slower pace, I must declare that if Shakespeare had been introduced
in this fashion to me as a child I would probably have become a professional historical languages wordsmith.
By far one of my favorite videos of his!
One of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. John Branyan must have done this hundreds of times. You can in later versions that the performance is more polished.
Every time I listen to this routine, I always wonder how many hours it took him to get it perfect. It's a classic!
It was after midnight in a motel room with some other girls from science club when one of them looked this up on my computer. We had just checked in, and were supposed to get up early to get to my state's Science Olympiad to compete. Obviously, we were exhausted, but also wired. So we decided to watch/share a couple of our favorite CZcams videos before going to sleep. In those days, kids would know CZcams, but no one bothered to get an account because it wasn't worth it. We just remembered some cool stuff and shared it with friends if it came up.
So probably 10 years ago.
Naturally, we had to watch it a couple times to get all the giggles out before we actually went to bed. But the bedtime story did the trick. We were up on time and ready to go before the chaperones and the boys. 10/10 will always recommend, even 10 years later.👍
This was... hilarious! My English teacher showed us this today, and I was laughing so much, that I fell out of my seat and laughed under my desk for a few seconds. She thought I was dying.
I've listened to this more times than I can count and I laugh every time. Good stuff!
I saw this live last night. I loved the part where he said "Say what." xD Best part.
he needs to make this into a book. I would buy it
That was the absolute best version I ever saw/heard!!!
that shakespearean nursey tale was awesome
Thine Love for ye old classics and the good hearted nature of thine old English language maketh me love thy study of linguistics be thus RENEWED!
I have seen and heard several tellings of the story. This is one of my favorites.
Sir I applaud you. This piece now stands in my estimation paramount among its rivals in comedic performance. *claps*
Never gets old, love it!
What joy doth this bring to mine ears! Truly, an encouragement to increase the size and facility of our vocabulary.
We watched this in my english class and it's still funny to this day 😂😂
Splattered second swines shack and shortened sanctimonious scolding simultaneously
Saw this bit live yesterday. Funniest segment of the whole show! Well done.
OMGSH LOOOOVE THIS!!! I love his facial expressions and how serious he is and then he turns around and does a 180 on us when it comes to pig 3 haha
It’s been AGES since I’ve watched this video but I’m so glad I randomly remembered it today
Exhale of strong proportions!! Love it!!
That was amazing XD. I couldn't remember the first 3 lines let alone the whole story XD.
That was the greatest story EVER!!! Definitely buying the book! VERY creative, it was AWESOME!!!
We just saw John Branyan tonight for the first time. He appeared with Tim Hawkins in Carmel, Indiana. We LOVE Tim Hawkins! John is hysterical as well! One of the highlights of the evening was John's telling of the 3 Little Pigs in Shakespeare-like vocabulary. We laughed so hard we thought we'd pee ourselves!
That is absolutely awesome!
Wow this was awesome! And hysterical as a fan and amateur student of linguistics.
Still one of the best videos ever.
I loved this - fabulously creative and inspired! Thank you John! I have just sent this link to all my friends in the UK.
OMG!!! Tooooo Funny!!! Love it!!! Great Job, Mr. Branyan!
wow I was suddenly intensly captivated by the story of the three little pigs... I never knew it could sound so epic.
Best version ever!
Terrific, thank you. I'm still laughing !
This brings forth melodious laughter from my proginy and myself. I cried out but not in dismay! Come up to the great white north and let us pay homage to your craft by attending a concert here.
This was HILARIOUS!
This is so fantastic
What a refeshing intellectually stimulating, prolifiricating and enjoyable performance! Give me more.....
Absolutely fantastically funny!
Upon hearing this story one would be delighted. This is a new and illuminating point of view, for a mere story about three little piglets.
Nothing short of brilliant!
Hilariously awesome! Great job!
His wolf voice is great! XD This is amazing! I wish I could learn something like this off by heart!
You know what's weird? I have no idea what he just said nor could I repeat it. Yet...I understand every bit of that story. Lol
That was the most awesome thing I have seen in 2011. Thank you!