How To Feel Safe After Emotional Abandonment I Inner Child Healing I Inner Work Library [79/500]
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- čas přidán 21. 07. 2024
- How To Heal Your Inner Child & Abandonment Wounds? This video explores Inner Child Work, Inner Child Psychology, and How to Heal The Inner Child. We'll explore the importance of earned secure attachment (according to the principles of attachment theory) to help you heal from Childhood Trauma and Abandonment Trauma.
I've done my best to speak into this issue from several perspectives, but Inner Child Healing and Emotional Abandonment are complex issues with many areas of unresolved discussion.
Feel free to get involved in the comments section if you think I've missed something.
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⏱️ TIMESTAMPS ⏱️
00:00 Inner Child Healing
03:22 Read These Trauma Books
09:30 What Is Emotional Abandonment?
16:46 How To Reparent Yourself
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Topics explored: inner work; how to do inner work; jordan thornton; how to heal yourself; trauma healing; how to heal trauma; trauma therapy; healing childhood trauma; somatic healing; inner child work; how to heal the inner child; how to heal inner child; inner child healing; childhood trauma; how to heal childhood trauma; how to heal from trauma; how to love yourself; abandonment wounds; how to heal abandonment; emotional abandonment; childhood abandonment; abandonment trauma; abandonment; wounded inner child;
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DM me for 1:1 consultations & private mentoring.
#trauma #innerchild #traumahealing
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*1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*
It's an absolute pleasure to film these CZcams videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.
I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.
Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.
To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.
Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.
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*READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*
I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.
Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.
I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.
I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.
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*HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*
Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.
This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.
If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).
These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my CZcams videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.
If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.
I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.
I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.
I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.
By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.
I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.
CZcams is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.
Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.
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*SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*
The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7,400 GBP or approximately $9,400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.
Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.
If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.
IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.
"No one is coming to save you" Those words actually saved me in a very dark moment of my life. I was that little boy asking for love and waiting for someone to come. I talked to that "inner child" and toldhim "hey I'm here for you, I can take care of us and give us nuturing deep love" . Thank you for sharing, this was my "sunday moment" greetings from South America
I remember your comment from last week, happy to be here right on time!
@@jordanthornton Thank you, please keep doing and sharing this healing work !
Dysfunctional family can really mess you up . I’m on this healing journey for years and wish the healing is faster than this. The more healing work I do only leads me to more work. Sometimes my consciousness tell me the right action to do but my body feels paralyzed to take that step. Thank you Jordan for raise this topic. Another important thing to this healing journey I guess is patience and having faith on oneself ❤
Exactly this mindset 🌲
I am 52 and still struggling. I know no one is coming nor my husband will love or protect as I expect. Wounds don’t heal but we reach a level of acceptance learning to navigate life not letting them control us
Wow making the connection between being emotionally abandoned as a child and abandoning myself by giving up on my dreams and goals is eye opening. This is so helpful. Thank you Jordan
You are so welcome - it can be a hard connection to spot, happy to have opened the awareness 🌲
took me more than 3 decades to realise how important it is for the little kid to see parents hold hands with each other or kiss each other's cheek in the morning. And show any kind of human interaction with each other. It will be the blueprint the kid will take into the world when they are ready
Exactly this, it’s important for example setting.
I applaude your ability to verbalise the inner parenting process! You chose a perfect example of how to lovingly speak to ourself when failing to lift a weight at The Gym of Life. Thank you for having done the work required to generate and share this example.
Very nice perspective here - I also like the sounds of the gym of life hahaha
YES!!! You Heal, Lead, Save, You! Emotional abandonment is the legacy I was gifted via generations of self-abandonment. Learning about inter-generational and inherited trauma gave me the lens, language and awareness to witness the patterns and choose to disrupt them. I've also learned that I couldn't avoid, hate, or hold anger, towards the stories that shaped me and expect to heal in any meaningful way, because it was impeding the necessary shadow integration that actually stops the looping. Self Acceptance and self forgiveness has been instrumental in building the self trust needed to not self abandon and break the cycle. God willing I will have the awareness to witness and mother my future children, in ways that will fundamentally restructure my family DNA.
Wonderfully written comment! Thank you for taking the time to share here, inspirational.
“And there’s Charles Whitfield with his supportive face on the back”. That’s hilarious.
Everyone goes through a childhood crucifixion of our connection to the feeling life of our bodies. The good news for us as adults is that the worst part is over…and we didn’t die.
That’s behind us now and Healing to get our bodies back and our connection back online for a fulfilling life from a place of open hearted secure attachment within ourselves….never an easy or simple path but it is a worthwhile one.
Nicely phrased, especially the open hearted secure attachment - thank you.
I just watched the film All Of Us Strangers and scrolled through your channel to find a video that could help me gather and expand my vocabulary to encapsulate my thoughts about the film. I think it touches a lot on deeply unresolved childhood trauma, trauma bonds, spiritual familial fantasies, & how the heart calcifies over time when the healing work isn’t achieved. I think you’d enjoy the film! Very raw performances and heavy demonstration but it really makes you think.
Powerful and considerate comment here, thanks for sharing and welcome again to the channel too. Wishing you the very best with your next healing steps.
I remember calling my parents Mummy and Daddy until the day they passed away. My childhood was not perfect but I felt their love. You’re amazing! I’m reading home coming just now to understand my nieces, they call their parents by their first name since they began to speak. I never heard the phrase “I love you” being said by either the patents or the girls.😢 I want to understand such family dynamic. Thank you!
Fascinating, it’s interesting to reflect on these dynamics for sure! 🌲
Recently it seems you're creating new videos in exact alignment with whatever theme is most in awareness for me at the time... sometimes the Universe is hilarious in its lack of subtlety 😅😊
Thank you for this wonderful reminder, and for giving words to these often ineffable experiences. (e.g. the healthy conditional respect of the masculine in flow with the unconditional love & compassion of the feminine... something I've deeply understood in so many ways, but struggle for words to express it this clearly... thank you!). This video in particular has given me a lot to sit with & reflect on 🙏☺
I am recently returned to my hometown, re-experiencing a number of old wounds & patterns relating to my mom, after 3 years living abroad & being essentially "adopted" by the most warm, loving mother figure I've ever known. It was so deeply special to have that conscious, unconditionally loving dynamic with my "mom" 💚 I'm finally able to grieve that my own mom & I never had this kind of relationship, and make peace with the truth that it is highly unlikely we ever will.
It is sometimes very challenging & I miss my "mom" very much, yet I now hold such conscious awareness, self-compassion, and inner understanding, comparatively speaking, and have access to a plethora of inner tools & resources - that I did not have before - to support healing through these painful childhood experiences of emotional abandonment and apathy toward me.
Piece by piece recognizing how little it has to do with me personally & how much it has to do with her own traumas, as well as how much I have internalized over the years. Piece by piece, reparenting that sad, scared little girl who was desperate for her mother's love & bewildered as to why she never got it. Piece by piece building the kinds of safe, connective, loving relationships in my life that I've always wanted.
It is indescribably liberating, unlearning all the "unworthy" BS to "save" myself instead of always looking elsewhere 😌🙏And I feel far more capable of holding these powerful, loving energies for myself - the inner mother & father 😌
Point being... this absolutely hits home. I've rewatched a couple times already.
Thank you again, Jordan, for "reading my mind" & just doing what you do 🙏
It is such a gift to receive what you are offering ☺
I've bought these books - I'm excited to begin reading today!
Much love, warmth, & gratitude your way 😊
Thank you for sharing some of your story - I’m sure somebody will read this and appreciate your growth. Here to keep providing more insights / book suggestions for your next steps - keep going, you got this 🌲
As informative as ever Jordan. I look forward to your videos each week, even more so as I have completely come off Instagram and all social media (thanks for the encouragement!) which provides more time to read your book recommendations.
'No one is coming to save me', sits well with me now, and I guess this shows my growth and the trauma/inner child work is helping as for most of my life I still thought someone was, be that my parents changing, or a girlfriend or a friend. I particularly liked the inner Dad and Mum dynamics you described.. I've never heard that before.. and it makes sense how they are entwined.. I experience that too..
I commented on a video a couple weeks ago and you encouraged holding/hugging myself and swaying/moving. I want to report this is really helping my very early developmental 'needs'..
Keep up the great work Jordan
Comment of the week! Truly grateful that you’ve been making these positive shifts and accessing deeper healing space - inspirational 🌲
oh my.. "No one is coming to save you" Tears streaming down my face... you've triggered me... Both wounds..............
I hope that this was an ultimately liberating clearing. I understand the process, and wishing you all the best 🌲
Absolutely love this video! I truly appreciate the time you took to make this! I look forward to more
Glad you enjoyed it! Many more videos to come.
I have the same story, I didn't have emotional sercurity, feeling unseen, unheard and unwanted. Learning to heal my inner child wounds as a wounded healer. By changing my agenda about who I am.
We’re all working on it, thanks for commenting 🌲
My heart goes out to you, Jordan. Thank you.
All good, hope the video helps!
@@jordanthornton Dear Jordan, you're always a help.
This was a really good one for me, Jordan. I love my parents . . . but they were really crap in a lot of ways. Mostly emotionally absent, waaaaay over developed punishment mindset, contempt as a method of "encouragement," expectation of adult-level, sometimes life-risking, physical work done by children, belief that children could be deliberately wicked (not make mistakes). Needed some good recommendations for books. Did plenty of barefoot freedom (rural/farm background) and that's still where I "find" my inner child (when she's happy and not triggered).
I can relate to much of what you've shared here, thank you. Good to know of your healing journey, I appreicate your share.
This is a response to the role play you took on, Jordan - I am seeing now that good parents are a good couple - where there's a balance of masculine and feminine within themselves and between each other. Not just the stereotypical extremes, which is what many of us would have experienced. I see that my father is strongly conditional with his respect and unexpressive, and my mother is a bit too giving and compassionate with no boundaries, losing herself in the family - a common cultural story in so many families. A balance would be if the father figure willing to be more feeling, expressing compassion for themselves and the family, and the mother balancing her compassion with condition so she is taking care of herself and not sacrificing herself for the family. I see this only now...while I am asking questions on marriage, partnership, parenting, at a crossroads - setting intention for what I want in my future. This is to overlay a more balanced inner parent for ourselves, to imagine something beautiful for the images of our own parents as well maybe...
What a rich video this one is... I have to go back to these aspects. Bradshaw is king, it's speaking a language that both the child and adult understand, but I will definitely try mr. Whitfield as well.
Thank you!
You’ll love Whitfield - worth it 🌲
Thank you for the perspective of the inner child not being the "true self"... I think I've been stuck on this aspect, not truly understanding how to then "get back" to the true self even when putting in the work, when it makes so much MORE SENSE that a child version of ourselves couldn't possibly be our true self since we weren't even fully developed yet!
You are so welcome! It’s such a missed aspect of the work - I will keep talking about this!
I was cringing so badly when you described the woman acting as her inner little girl in a relationship as it brought back so many flashbacks. In past relationships, I couldn’t figure out why I felt absolutely powerless around my partner. Whenever we were home together, it would feel like we were in our own little world- literally. It was as if the outside world did not exist. At times we had a sweet/playful dynamic and would even spend entire weekends loving each other. But the only way I truly felt loved/secure was when I had every ounce of his attention for the entire day. This idea makes me physically ill now. The dynamic was extremely toxic and lead to a lot of self betrayal and reenacting of childhood traumas 😔🤕. It all makes a lot more sense after watching this video.
I am extremely grateful for your content & looking forward to reading these books you’ve recommended! Thank you Jordan
Honest reflections, and the kind which are hard to admit to ourselves - thanks for setting an example here 🌲
I’m a first born. I called my parents by their first name, until they got embarrassed when a guest I should have respectfully called ‘Auntie’ had a big reaction to me calling her by her first name. She is my mom’s oldest sister. I’m guessing she had a talk with my mom. Then my parents instructed me to call the Mother Mommy or Mom, and Father, Daddy, or Dad. This also points out our parents didn’t play with us and try to teach us our first word is Mom or Dad.
Thank You for your mind and work, and some personal sharing, Jordan. It’s very helpful. Also makes me feel less alone. My abuse started in infancy. I have no ‘before and after the abuse’. It’s always been upsetting people assume everyone has a ‘before the abuse’ reference point.
Thanks for sharing some of your story here, I appreciate your effort 🌲
I can relate.
I remember looking into the cabinet to see if there was some of the chemicals in our cleaners that i could get high og. Back then i didnt really care, deep down i didnt want to live. I remember downing 3 pints at 10 years old just because i wanted to feel something different. I was a being treated by every authority figure with a look of discernment and i was usually only allowed to my peers house once before people decided they didnt want me around. I Understand, i cant think of a worse behaving kid than i was. My mother treated me with sweets and crisps, tv and videogames. My dad came over once a week to make new rules for our house which i always managed to make my mother abandon within minutes after he walked out the door. My dad always saw me as his redemption, the one who was gonna be the doctor. He tried to teach me equations when i was still in kindergarten. Without all the love, but with all his driveness i naturally learned to hate him and there were times when he went to the hospital for certain things that i wish that he wouldnt make it, so that i could be free. I remember saying to myself every schoolyear that this would be the year i would pull my self together, never happened. I remember feeling my painbody being activated the first day of elementary school for a couple seconds before the clock on the wall became my best friend, for the next 10 years.
Initially just wrote this as a way of allowing my grief to come up and out. Its crazy how everything changes once the load is out of the system, pun intended.
Heavy stories, I’m sorry to hear this but glad that you seem to be making good healing steps - keep going 🌲
Watching your video and having a good cry. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Healing tears, I hope. Thanks for doing the work 🌲
That's so me.... I also used to call my mother by her name, and as a 2 yr old child i was often told, often beaten and scolded harshly to change my behavior... Which again another kind of trauma.. But god i remember all of that... Huhhh...
Thanks! Painfully interesting! Wow i got issues, even the word "re-parent" grates on my ear. How about re-mentor, or just mentor. Re the benchpress analogy, how about "Do it again, right away, but with less weight" I'm going for The Soul Of Discipline
Good suggestions!
If you made a Playlist on healing the inner child, the ACoA community (Adult Children of Alcoholics) would appreciate it.
Great idea, thinking of what I can do.
Thank you Jordan 💚🙏🏽
Hope you find value here!
@@jordanthornton Yes! It's a bit heavy, but the portion on creating inner family to be joyful is point on.
I always knew I had to parent myself and now I know how to do it well. 👍🙏🏽 I have to transform my inner-voice into an encouraging one. I have experienced unconditional montherly love in real life during my childhood, so I have a healthy feminine inner voice. I struggle with the masculine inner voice. I cannot calibrate how much is healthy. I have never seen or experienced good fathers around me so much.
I will definitely read the recommended books. 👍🙏🏽
Jordan, thank you very much
for the recommend books on parenting. Could you please add more recommendations on good parenting books? A grateful 🥹 mom in her early forties. Greetings from Germany
Playful Parenting and The Soul Of Discipline are both good ones!
Thank you 🙏🏾
Any time! 🌲
I'm just on the beginning of the video, but I'm really surprised of your clarity and purpose of each video
Question:
Do you find there are any correlations between a fear of success and inner child trauma?
Undeniably, yes. Screenshotted this and will also make a full video response when I can.
@@jordanthornton That would be wonderful!! Thank you!!✨🙏😇✌️💖🕯️✨
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Happy to help across the channel 🌲
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This video made me so sad.
I'm not sure how this plays out in relationships. Isn't a man still supposed to give a woman a sense of love and acceptance? Isn't that getting your needs met. I seem to attract men who are cool and aloof or not emotionally available. What conditions does the masculine set? Doesn't femenine energy also set conditions? Can you clarify if there is a book or video that talks about this.
You will find value in a few of the conscious relationship videos I've made, if you find them here - should answer some of your questions more appropriately than I can in a single comment. Good luck!
@@jordanthornton Thanks. Yeah I'll check it out.
I thought the eggs crack was pretty good
Same, made me smile 😊
This has no substance at all but I love the cheetah print maybe leopard print lmao you get it.. i feel like men should wear animal prints more. They can be masculine!
#appreciateit 🤘🏻🤍 thank you for all the amazing work you put here on YT. It is helping 💜#relating I love the way how you explain stuff, articulation, words... I just wanted to say that I am glad that I have found your channel. 🥰 #healing is a PROCESS. ✨
Here for you and your next steps - thankful that you took the time to comment! 🌲
I could only find a book called " a gift to my self "is that the same book as the first one you recommended ?
Clearly not, they should be easy to find! Good luck 🌲
Its by charles whitfield and its the same cover just different name thats why im confused
@@jordanthorntonThank you for NOT having Amazon links to the books. 🙏. It's one of the things I appreciate about you.
(Amazon has taken over in many ways, so I appreciate you doing your part to encourage people to follow their ideals and buy wherever they are led to buy them.)