how to be your own dream girl + decentering men
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- čas přidán 14. 06. 2023
- 👚Merch - shopisla.co
✨All other links - beacons.ai/manifestelle
Welcome to the Spoiled Girlie Support Group podcast! In this episode, Elle shares some valuable insights and strategies for women who want to become their own dream girl and center their own desires. Elle starts by discussing the Dream Girl theory and how it can be applied in everyday life. Listen in as she talks about the value-investment curve and how to know when you are his dream girl.
The conversation then shifts towards developing your own dream girl. Elle offers some practical tips on how to change your reality to change your mindset. She emphasizes the importance of treating yourself with love and doing things that someone who loves her would do. Curating your circles is also a crucial aspect of becoming your own dream girl. Elle shares some powerful insights on why you need to surround yourself with people who uplift you and how to drop the pickme girlfriends, the scarcity mindset girlfriends, and the negative girlfriends. Elle also introduces the concept of having a delulu day, where you embody the woman you want to be and schedule activities that are normal for your dream girl. This helps you slowly morph into your own dream girl and make your dream life a reality. Establishing boundaries is also key to creating your own dream girl. Listen in as Elle shares some powerful insights on why you need to be stronger with your boundaries and surround yourself only with the people who are embodying their dream selves.
Toxic self-improvement is another important topic of discussion. Elle talks about the self-improvement fatigue and how to recognize when you're doing too much and it's actually starting to harm you. She also emphasizes the importance of always being in discernment. Finally, Elle reminds listeners that life has seasons and sometimes you're in a changing season, sometimes you're in a flowering season, and sometimes you're in a hibernating season. It's important to give yourself grace and remember that you're doing all of this for YOU.
So tune in now and get ready to become your own dream woman. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more content like this!
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Chapters:
1:09 what is a dream girl?
03:49 the value-investment curve
04:55 how do you know you are his dream girl?
06:09 what happens when you are his dream girl
06:26 the dream girl theory and business
07:24 decenter men = center yourself
08:15 how to become your own dream girl
08:27 step 1 - change the reality to change the mindset
10:18 step 2 - curate your circles
12:36 step 3 - have a delulu day
13:34 step 4 - establish boundaries
18:41 toxic self-improvement? - Jak na to + styl
![women should NEVER pay on a date [tinder date mad she had to split the bill”]](/img/n.gif)
Just because you're NOT HIS dream girl it doesn't mean YOU AREN'T a dream girl. Know your worth!
True!
THIS! My mom dated a guy who left her for a 16 year old when she was 20….2 months later she met my father! She hasn’t worked since, he paid off her student loans, financially put her through school, has taken care of me, my mom, and my sister till this day, and I’ve never seen her go without flowers or little gifts!
Also because I’ve seen girls say that only guys 10 years + older will do this for them, my dad is only 2 years older than my mom. She was just his dream girl!
IKR
so true, she may not even realise herself that he was not her dream man either but put too much effort sadly
Yes ma'am! I am THE dream girl and I had to leave men behind that didn't understand how to embrace me and my love. YOU ARE ALWAYS THE PRIZE. HE HAS TO BE RIGHT FOR YOU!✔️ EMBRACE YOUR LOVELINESS❤❤❤
“You are not put on this earth to suffer for the benefit of others” Wow 😭
Despite what the manosphere would have you believe .... 😂
Isn't that a job??? All our jobs can't be the dream job and even a dream job works with imperfect and bad people sometimes. We suffer while working but we make it to the end of the day and it didn't end up killing us and sometimes makes us a better person going through tough experiences.
1. Change the reality to change the mindset
2. Curate your circles
3. Have a delulu day
4. Establish boundaries
💅🏽
What is delulu?
@@jessica3218delusional lol
Im deluded everyday , its a personality trait.. x
@@jessica3218ok glad I’m not the only one sitting here like “did I miss the Delulu explanation…?” Lol
"If he's not sure, he DOESN'T want you "
Women simply cannot function without her internal male gaze. 😢 Free my sisters
🥺🥺
Yup am beginning to see how toxic that male gaze mindset is.. it is literally the water we have been swimming in and wasting our precious time on 😢😢
I am women. 😢 Watching bc I just told my guy friend this morning that I need to chill on secks. I realize-the hard way!-that I over give and even tho it’s amazing I am resentful. 😑
“If you know you can do better, then do better. “ Much love to allllll my sisters centering yourself. You’re the one you need. 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
🖤🤍🪷🤍🖤
unrelated but you're gorgeous
Can I just thank you for introducing the concept of decentering men?? The amount of mental peace this brings me is unbelievable. I'm someone whos done a lot of inner work throughtout the past few years but for some reason I noticed how much I started to put provider men on a pedestal as if this was the ultimate goal to achieve in life. And most of these feminity content coaches definitely put men on a pedestal. Well, now I'm in a position in life where i got the provider man and as the months go by I noticed how much I'm letting of myself go. Time to get back on track with my own purpose. God is the ultimate provider 💕
thank you for sharing bestie 🫶🏽🫶🏽
THIS! Thank you for shedding some light on this bc I feel like a lot of us do put provider men on a pedestal.
I like what you said there. What luck that I found this channel!
I’ve got a bf and he’s great. I noticed I focus a lot on him and sometimes have a hard time focusing on the things I love. I’m on my journey to decentering my bf. It can only make the relationship healthier.
Thank you so much for your comment coz you put to words and gave me an epiphany of exactly how I feel. It’s so validating. You said “making the provider man an ultimate goal” and that is just so been my reality for a while. I think now hypergamy has been so pushed forward that it’s become a chasing goal. But the root for girlies with provider men is their self concept and them knowing their worth. If you haven’t had a provider men around it becomes such a pedestal that you lose your sense of self, but for me I’m taking a month off dating and focusing on self concept and then learning to hold on to it when they come bk
Once I started seeing myself as my own dream girl, I became comfortable in being single. Male attention should never be a metric used for evaluating how cool, beautiful, attractive, or successful you are. YOU decide that. YOU give that value to yourself. Be the person YOU want to date.
I loved the “change your reality to change your mindset”
🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
True here. Becuz as someone who is very stubborn, I really cant change my mindset😂I need some tangible solid prove so that my minds actually believe in it😂😅
also so many men in the dating pool rn are low value bc of the way men are conditioned many are emotionally unavailable/stunted, don’t know what they want/how to take care of themselves it’s sad but I’d rather prioritize myself than ever entertain another “talking stage” in my life my 20s are def dedicated to unlearning that conditioning and decentering men/romantic relationships esp coming from someone w/ an old anxious attachment/abandonment trauma I feel so fucking freee 💯
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽ty for sharing bestie ✨ cheers to doing what is best FOR YOU
literally same
im just gonna copy paste that in my notes real quick
Damnnnn so true
9:19 the way I do this is taking care of myself the way I would my child if I had one or my dog. I don’t feel like eating etc but if it was my child or my dog I would get up and make sure they eat a good breakfast, take a shower and are ready for the day. I shower them with love - I deserve the same love I give them.
this 🥺🥺🥺
this also works for mental health issues like self h*rm and depression- my breakthrough moment was realizing I would never treat an animal or stranger the way I felt so comfortable treating myself and I stopped.
Love this!!
that's a great way to achieve self love. seeing myself as a child that i love and care for has changed my life.
Your channel saved me today. A guy asked me out over text and I came specifically to this video for moral support in saying no to him and I am so glad I did. He pushed back twice after I declined 🙃. I am SOOOO glad I said no and didn't let my people pleasing or "there's no harm in getting to know someone" ways blind me today. GROWTH BABY GROWTH!
Kudos to you for this
@@athulyasurendran7639 thank you!!
yes girl, slay
So a guy invited you on a date and you rejected him, and that's called growth now? What am I even reading lmao
@@19LuLe96yes. Why the fugg do you expect women to always say yes to everything? NO is a valid answer, whatever the reason. When you grew up with the mentality of being a people pleaser, being assertive is a BIG step in the right direction. #WomenAreALuxury and not everyone can afford one. Period.
It's so important to listen with our ears and not are triggers. That's why journaling and therapy is so key❤
exactly 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It’s so true to LISTEN to a man when he talks about himself. I’d go so far to say to listen closely to ANYBODY, at least at first (some people are full of bs and will waste your time) since we can learn so much from others. However; if a man says “I’m a piece of 💩,” or “I have THIS [insert major red flag that should have you running away]”, PLEASE listen to him and DON’T proceed. Unless you want the pain and disappointment of him failing you down the line. Because he WILL.
Oh! And if he says he doesn’t love or like himself, or he HATES himself-be prepared for the relationship to crash and burn, even years down the line, or just have a toxic struggle. Learned that the hard way 😭
He said “You deserve better” and he was right. Believe people when they tell you who they are.
You become someones dream girl by being your own. The peace that comes within from loving yourself and doing what’s best for you. Center yourself. 💅
i want to be skinnier. I want to get abs and lose weight. i will only want to date somone once i feel confident, lose weight and get fit, because of the fact that i want a man who is also fit.
Me and you both.
Girl tell em !
Same!!
I wannna gain weight
same, hope all of us achieve this!🙏
You are shining so much that you outdo the sun when you center yourself in your life, and the providers can and WILL adore your when you do it. That's one of the most magical thing I've ever seen. The rumors about changing your mindset will change your LİFE is %100 true.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽100 %
You are a gift to the feminism movement, a breath of fresh air ✨️
It's not about feminism. Feminism strives for equality. We are are into feminity. Feminity reminds women that we are the PRIZE. We dont dont bring anything to the table because we are the TABLE! Feminism is never going to get you the bag sweetheart. Feminism will give you 50/50 at the most...LOL
We are not doing feminism. We are doing elegant feminity! Learn the DIFFERENCE.
Absolutely 😩🍻
Exactly, I think Estelle is opening a kind of fourth wave of feminism with her content because it is so revolutionary and clear.
I love the idea to schedule a "delulu" day to pack all your dream girl activities in. I love your videos and the fact you're pushing the idea to decenter men from the girlies' lives. Keep doing you!💪🏾😌
thank you bestie 🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽
what are your favorite delulu day activities@@therealmanifestelle ?
I am my own dream girl & don’t need a man or fake friends to show me otherwise. This year and further on I will live my life how I want to live and if you don’t want to be in it that’s not my problem 😌
OMG thank you for making me realise that the pick me girl-friend of mine who slowly disappeared from my life (despite I and our other friend tried so much to keep our friendship) is actually a blessing! I dont have to cut her from my life, she did it herself!
Basically she prioritise the boy she likes over us (her best friends who always support her during her lowest) and when she gets the boy she completely left us.
Me too. I cut off a pick me girlfriend who had a difficult relationship with a narc abusive mother. At one point I even got my mom to talk to her mom, I can't believe I roped in mom into that BS because I thought I was helping her.
😢
I love the narrative of becoming my own dream girl way more than becoming someone else's dream girl, because at the end of the day everything I do should benefit ME the most. Tysm for this video I hope you keep these types of contents up for the future!
Love the thought leadership. Also, a Man who is lukewarm about you should NOT have access to you. Period.
I love the sales comparison! I had an ex who was the “cheap” shopper. He would take me to dinner and get me gifts but it was always a complaint 🥹 my new bf now ENJOYS it and wants to provide and give me things and experiences.
generous >>>>>
Wowwww 👀❤️
As he should 🤠💖
I was with someone for two years telling me I’m his dream girl. Don’t listen to his words, see his actions, or lack of. And check in with yourself. Are you drained, are you being invested in, are you being cared for, does he take you on dates, do you feel like you’re too different/weird/not enough? He said I was his dream girl. But everything else said otherwise. So don’t just listen to what he says: definitely hear the negative stuff and act accordingly/run, but if he’s inconsistent or it doesn’t match to his actions, what he is saying is BS. Anything negative he says and does, that’s what counts. Guilty until proven innocent is my motto now
Dream girls deserve heaven. If he ain't giving his girl that, she should leave.
I've been watching your videos for a few weeks, and I feel the impact of your words. I'm an older lady who has spent most of my life (and wasted youth) as a pickmeisha. I have spent the last few years taking a break from men, and instead centering myself and my spiritual growth. My last relationship left me depleted and broken, and feeling older than I am. Since then, I have grown so much through doing the inner work of healing childhood trauma, building myself up, finally taking care of myself - and becoming my own dreamgirl. It might be too late for me to be anyone else's dreamgirl, but I'm more than okay with that. Being my own dreamgirl is what I really longed for all along.
Another thing that occurred to me watching this video for the 2nd time - is that you're channeling straight Venus energy
I'm so sad to hear that you may be too old to be someone else's dream girl 😢
Why should you? There is love at all ages!
I always wanted to be a "dream girl" and went way over my boundaries to become someone elses dream girl. Thanks to you and other youtubers (and therapy) I find so much strength to show myself vulnerable and finally find myself, only to slowly realise I didn't have to change from the beginning, there was nothing wrong with me, it was just my environment that didn't nurture my growth. Thanks
Yes to delulu days, honey! 💅🏾 Let’s go! 🥂
💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽
How does one schedule how often you celebrate a delulu day?
@@BadBadtzMARUU I’m not sure what she’d say, but my advice is to have a delulu day as often as your budget allows ☺️
If I need to swap out a few Postmates orders so that I can afford a relaxing facial, then that’s a worthy sacrifice, you know
@@BadBadtzMARUU I think she said one day a week!
‘A lot of us listen with our triggers and not our ears.’
Never a ‘pick me’ and I would like to add that some men will gather your weaknesses to use against you. Be careful who you share anything with, especially insecurities. Work on you first!
Honestly great video. Gives advice that is less about becoming pleasing for men and more about how to live in this world and get what you want out of life.
🫶🏽🫶🏽
Aiming to be someone else' dream is a path to toxic relationships with people who will judge you against their expectations.
A good partner (regardless your gender and orientation) will see your actualization and be both attracted and inspired.
this
I especially appreciate the toxic self-improvement segment because I’ve been struggling with it sm!😫
Honest to God, this has helped me so much when dealing with a male friend. We have no romantic interest in each other but this helped me re-evaluate the friendship. He treats me like a low investment friend despite me doing so much for him. I'm done catering to this manchild's needs.
I had delulu day today. Nails done. Nice lunch alone. Skincare. Declined a date as it was less than attractive.
U and Shera are my aspirational goals.. I like how both you preach a similar message but in different ways. U have a book-smart way to you and Shera has like a street-smart vibe. Killer combo for my morning routine!!
Shera comes across as a grifter, though.
@@VeeKayGreenerGrass she ain't a grifter, she's a financial advisor for young women.
Shera is an appallingly deluded fraud.
@@sapphire_blue3657she teaches women to go after married men for the bag tho...while elle teaches us to be a girlies girl
@@VeeKayGreenerGrassit’s not a grift if you ain’t paying 😂🎉
Once you love yourself, you are turned off by men that are hot and cold about you, or just cold in general. You stop chasing them.
This just made me realize I actually went through that whole process but didn't up my boundaries, and it explains so so much, thanks for saving me ❤❤
Girl, you are preaching today! After kissing many stingy frogs, I finally found a man who loves my Dream Girl. He literally worships and OBEYS me. His money is my MONEY. He gave me his dual credit card after our 5 week romance and no, I did not have any sex with him until I had my BAG, gifts and my bills paid each month! I achieved this all by being my own Goddess and he in turn saw the Goddess in me.
LADIES...be your own Goddess, Dream Girl, Queen, Princess and the right man will embrace all of your AMAZINGNESS. Always be extra ordinary and he will NEVER forget you!
As a man this is truly disheartening to read
@@bro918 As a woman, I promise we are not all like this...
@@jl4260 Hahaha that is good to hear. This is so bizarre
@@jl4260The dick riding is messy and apparent 😂😂 You’ll be fucked over as a single mom, boo ❤
1. Why the f**k did 65 people like this shit post??
2. what you seem to have is not a relationship, but a money slave and it disgusts me to no end. He "obeys" you? Do you actually have a few screws lose? Are you okay?
3. I hope men know that this is bs and not what 'women want'
Okay it’s been months since I watched this but it was the best thing that has ever happened to me cause I applied every.single.thing Elle said in this video. It is truly life changing I can feel myself believing to myself that I am my own dream girl like the concept is tooo good. I recommend this video to every single girl in the world out there. Life changing when you apply it!!!!!!
Elle, I love your content so much! I've become a spoiled girlie and I am never going back. Thank you so much!!
I'm glad you're here bestie ✨
Thank you Bestie. You're the best. new motto everyday: don't get mad, get paid
I've come to a lot of these conclusions myself, bt you are adding a lot of value to that, really great. thanks so much
you're really explaining the concepts well... I love this video!
I followed you on TikTok & Karla Elia recommended your video. I’ve been in my healing / dream girl journey for the past year and a half. I am ready to do more work. This video was so helpful and I can’t wait to watch more of your videos 😍
I just found you yesterday and you are so on point, i think ure my favourite person on the internet right now!!
This is the best channel on yt, i wish i had a friend like you
This is a real wisdom~! Your are reminding me important values that I already knew. Actually, I already established these things to build my point of view like more than 10 years ago, but while struggling with all the foolishness around me and while being confused by those foolishness, I inevitably forgot everything that I've learned and built for my entire life. So I really needed this coming from somebody elses mouth and I appreciate it so much!
Just found you today I love the way you explain things in your videos in such an easy way to understand and also your vibe 😊
I really need this. Been a good, good girl and those men just treated me unfairly. Let's go!❤❤ Thank you.
Hi Elle from another Elle! I love how thorough your videos are, and how you provide high quality, intelligent and well researched content. Bravo!
i love you! no sugar coating, this is what i need!
I would love if you wrote a short book on economics including dating, I love how you keep mentioning marketing because it’s true. Keep up the fabulous work queen 💖
I’m obsessed with your channel babes
You appeared in my recommendation page today and I immediately subscribed after seeing this video because I knew that you will post future gems for us spoiled girlies. Keep up with the amazing content ❤
🥹thank you bestie i appreciate you 🫶🏽
Same. Love it here... Just today.
Listening to this while cleaning the house now getting ready to hang the laundry. I'm going to be making progress on me because you have reminded me that i love myself and i have to care for me
I love you so much!! Yet another thought-provoking and amazing video!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼💖✨✨
🥹🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽thank you bestie
you’re amazing! I’m so glad I found your channel ❤
Thanks Bestie, I've learnt to put myself first and have fewer social contacts but much happier these days. Boundaries are key
I love your content. You are great, after two films i am so motivated and i needed that so bad!!! Thank you bestie ❤
*That awkward moment when all of your friends are pick me’s and you’re the only one who isn’t*
Yesssss..... feeling like the only grown a$$ woman in the room! You want to talk about the Earth, financial investments, science, and all their convo revolves around men. The convo ALWAYS go back to men.
This is a very valuable reminder I need to hear today.
You changed of how i view alot of things i can't thank you enough❤
Delulu Day is such an amazing idea!!!
I am inspired. this is such a great idea, can't wait to schedule delulu day xThank you 💕
thanks girl, you have no idea how much you've helped! Rate you.xx
Whenever i fear like i haven't decentered men enough, i always come back to this. It's a crazy fear to have but I'm all for taking care of these fears. This video really centers me bsck to where i should be
I love it! Love your work! Love your voice!
I that intro put into an actual long video. It brings me motivation for some reason, hearing you're not his dream girl, empowers me to do better for my own self
Thank youu ❤️❤️ Everything you said makes perfect sense.
Best vid of yours ive seen yet, ty for sharing practical ways to implement this! Delulu day is every day for me haha, but now I’m gonna have one extra special delulu day per week to speed things up and I’m gonna love the heck out of it!
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. This video has helped me more then I could ever explain in words. Thank you so much beautiful sister. You are beyond incredible!🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️
I need this energy in my life! I hope you make heaps more videos, I'm so here for it 💃
thank you!!!! i appreciate you 🫶🏽🫶🏽
This is far one of my favourite episode ❤
Pink on you is EVERYTHING
Dayum girl, distribution curve to explain this- love it .. we are in a new era
You are brilliant. I absolutely love your content!
You're so pretty. Thanks for the advice girl. 💅🏾
Wow, this explains a lot! It hurt's, but we have to accept this truth.
I so needed to hear this today. I told myself these few hours ago.....related to the craziness and ungrateful people surrounding me. I have finally decided that I am coming first.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I'm rooting for you bestie
♥️♥️♥️ you make me love being a women, we are so strong
This was so helpful and sincere, your words at the end really made me feel seen ❤ur healing the community
thank you 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
I doubted to watch your video but it was the best decision ever. I'm gonna stablish my boundaries and prioritize myself now that I'm an ex-pickmeisha, thank you for sharing this information with us! 💓💓💓
you are most welcome ✨ ✨
Hi girl, can I ask why did you write stablish rather than establish?
@@pauka9470 oh yeah, it was a mistake, english isn't my first language, I searched the difference between "stablish" and "establish" and stablish isn't correct, thank you^^
@@chokenbako890 no the thing is it acctualy may be 😅 there is a place in London that has STABLISH written on the walls and I was wondering why stablish and not establish but couldnt find a cause. Thought you might know why 😀
@@pauka9470 well, I don't know if that word is written in old walls but when I searched the difference, I founded that "stablish" is the old way of establish and it's an archaic word in disuse so isn't modern anymore. Maybe it's like "thou" instead that "you" in old books ^^
Market driven dater and friend, good tip. Ppl will drain your energy when they find you appealing
YOU ROCK AND ROLL GIRL
I just loved this video 📸... First time here and you saved me ,, thank you big sis ..👑👑💌🤗🤗💞💞
Thank you soooooo much for your video! My 20 mins well spent. Fresh and new information that I do not explore myself. Thank you! ❤
thank you bestie
hard to let go of long time friends who you just want to lift up, but if you have to go to a lower vibe to preserve the friendship, you're not helping them
Thanks for the disclaimer 👏🏼
this video was very helpful 💕
The little cuts/breaks in between the steps ("establish boundaries") with the dramatic music made me giggle 😄
I didn't know you had a CZcams channel. Yay.✨️
Delulu life is the best life.♥️
purr bestie ✨
Just found this channel, loved this video! I will binge watch the rest of your videos 😁
purr bestie 💅🏽
I’ve been guys’s dream girl a few times, it’s not all that lmao, also looove your videos I just discovered your channel and I love it and actually feel like my mindset is changing I love it!!
I love your channellll ❤
Watching this while getting ready >>>>>
slayyyy💅🏽
Love the content. Love the energy. You earned a new subscriber babes. Can't wait to enter my sprinkle sprinkle era 🥰💖
🥹🥹i appreciate you 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Your content is sooo fun and informative.
I appreciate your advice, bestie! :);
Wow I loved this so much. Please please make more about friendships. I really enjoyed this podcast.
thank you bestie. noted 🙏🏽
when i quit tiktok i started looking for your channel because i enjoyed your videos so much but i guess you didnt have an account yet, now you pop up on my recommended & i didnt even realise its you until i clicked on it and started watching, im glad youre on youtube now too!
hi bestie happy you're here
Love this love everything you said!!!
I started out w/ playing this in the BG, ended up hyperfocused and realising a couple of names I should've already cut from my circle of people. 💀
Pretty insightful
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽