MATTHEW PERRY: The One With the Addiction ~ The pain of loving an alcoholic
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- čas přidán 26. 07. 2024
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MATTHEW PERRY, the beloved actor who played Chandler Bing for 10 seasons on the iconic sitcom "Friends", tragically passed on October 28 at the age of 54, drowning in the hot tub of his Pacific Palisades home. Despite his fame and wealth, he was immeasurably lonely, and never married or had children. Matty openly discussed the fact that he was admitted to rehab 15 times, detox 65 times and nearly lost his life when his colon burst after 14 abdominal surgeries - all related to his alcoholism and pill addiction. He revealed that he was so out of it that he did not even remember filming 3 seasons of the show. So many of his friends tried to help him, and likely feel some measure of guilt for not being able to. If you are struggling with loving an alcoholic or addict, this book by my guest Meredith Beardmore, LMHC is an excellent resource:
amzn.to/49tEtrA
Meredith's CZcams channel: @mendwithmere
• Actor and author Matth... -Elizabeth Vargas sits down with actor Matthew Perry for an emotional conversation recorded during his book tour for his bestselling book, “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing.”
#matthewperry #friends #selfhelp #selfhealing #selfhelpbooks #selfhelpbook #alcoholic #alcoholism #alanon #lawyer #lawyerreacts #addiction #addictionrecovery #substanceabuse #recovery #therapy #therapist #therapistreacts #memoir #author #authortube #sober #soberlife #relationship #letsendaddiction
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Thank you for this, Melanie. As a recovered Alcoholic and a child of alcoholic parents, Matty’s story hit home for me. 💔
Same here, my friend ❤ - to ALL of what you said.
@magicalmary congratulations on your recovery ❤
Thank you again for showing Mathew for what he achieved in fighting his addictions When my husband died I took to the booze , but I stopped because it didn’t help my grief , I never drank since.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
33 years clean and sober and this was awesome and very important. Thank you!!!!
That’s a huge accomplishment- bravo 🙌
Congratulations ❤ Stay strong my friend 🙏
7 years in December,so excited!!
@@lorrainehughes-smith199 Congratulations 👏👍 That's awesome!! I'm very proud of you! Keep up the great work! 💜🧁
My son, Matthew, turned 54 Sunday. I loved Matt Perry. Broke into tears when I heard Sunday morning. Friends is the last TV show I watched from episode 1.
I’m watching this on replay, Melanie. I’ve had addiction in my family and it is so very difficult to deal with the guilt of removing yourself from their life to save your own. No one in my family had an opioid addiction, but I have seen it in some friends. They want so badly to kick it, but it’s a beast. Matthew fought, ravaged his body, and regardless of the ultimate C.O.D. I believe opioids/drugskilled him. So very very sad to lose someone so loved.
Maybe. Anything we do in life can ultimately kill us. There’s a virus rn making hard in the near future for the vulnerable. So, I like to think he had his victory in terms of battling and trying help others, and some peace that he survived to his last breath with honesty to himself. No one can take that self measure from him.
I raised my granddaughter, she's now 25, because of my daughters addiction. I've stayed awake nights planning her funeral. So far, i haven't had that happen and i pray i don't. The ripple affect is huge.
Sending love and strength, Donna. You are an amazing mother & grandmother.
Praying for you and your daughter, and especially your grandchild. I lost my brother who would have been 53 last week, 19 years ago. My Mother has never recovered.🙏🏻
My dad was a Alcoholic and even did jail time he’s gone now and it was hard to deal with
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Addiction is so horrifying and sad.
I am so 💔 with Matthew Perry's passing. Thinking back when my now ex and his addiction to drugs & alcohol.
I thought I could change & save him. And this was in the 90's all the while watching Friends and not knowing that Matthew Perry was addicted. This is bringing back so much now. After 15 years I had to accept the truth and face reality. I walked away and it wasn't easy because as much as I loved him and felt like I was abandoning him I had to love myself. Wouldn't wish this on anyone!!
Yes, Gina, so hard to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive...💔
Thank you Melanie for this powerful video. I have lost family members, dear friends, and even a fiancé to addiction and alcoholism. I can also personally relate to Matthew’s story because it took me years of being in and out of rehab, sober living, etc. before I was finally able to stay clean and sober long term. I now have over a decade of sobriety and I am so incredibly grateful to have the life I live now. Rest in peace Matthew Perry. 🌹
Congratulations on your recovery ❤
Great live Melanie! Thank you for being so real ❤❤
As as life long addict my heart hurts just thinking about how hard it was for Matthew to hide his addiction or at least the depth of his addiction from friends..family..Hollywood. Matthews addiction was so deep. Most addicts have low self esteem..don't feel that they are good enough. Oddly enough most addicts feel alot of empathy towards everyone. It is a disease. People who think..just stop..or have just 1 mean well but it shows that they have no understanding of what addiction is. No one wants to be an addict. Because addiction will eventually destroy every relationship u have. What happens is us addict will begin to seclude themselves from family..friends..because we do not want them to see us like that.
Thank you for your insight ❤️
It’s sad. Alcohol and drugs tear families and Friends apart. Lived in a place of drugs and alcohol. Married an alcoholic. He was a “happy” alcoholic 😢😢😢. Better than the mean kind. But equally destructive. That quote!😮 My brother’s death was no surprise. He threw away his children.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your brother 🙏
I just finished his book. I still can't believe he's gone. Addiction is a bitch. It runs hard in my family, both parents were alcoholics and my mom abused benzos and pain meds, my brother is a heroin addict, I've battled my own and so have my children. Thank God that myself and 2 of my children are now clean, my oldest is still battling his
Kimberly it’s awesome to hear your recovery and two of your children to
It is awesome and encouraging- so thank you
more power to you
Wishing you all the best hey
Meredith and Melanie paint a true picture of living with an addict😢! So sad for the addict, they’re loved one and family. It’s a very akin to dealing with mental illness. The stigma should be adressed! God bless you both🙏🏻
I have dated an alcoholic/drug addict, was married to an alcoholic, helped my children cope with having an alcoholic as a dad, I have a sister who is a drug addict and she has small children. I myself have been off of pain meds for a year after being on them for 12 years. It’s so hard for both sides of the addiction.
Thank you for bringing attention to this disease. This Saturday, we will bury my brother, an alcoholic to the end. He loved his children (19 and 22), held down a job (how I don't know), was philosophical, poetic, and musically talented, but was controlled/trapped/tormented by his disease.
He was the kindest, most compassionate human being. Even though lung cancer took his life in the end, he still drank a bottle of vodka a day. We did not judge, just supported him through his final stages of life. And bought him vodka (his medicine). Cancer sucks, but alcoholism is cruel. The stigma attached to the disease is far too real and sadly framed his final months.
In NZ he was told he could receive hospice care at home, but not go into hospice to receive 24 hour care because he was an alcoholic. He was offered immunotherapy, which was the only treatment available to him, but would have to stop drinking during treatment. Clearly, he couldn't. ❤
I am so so sorry for your loss 💔
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother 🙏
I'm so very sorry. He honestly sounds like a wonderful man.
So very sad. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful brother💔Alcoholism is so powerful. Amazing how many were so loved but they dont see it/feel it,
My heart goes out to you and your family
Please give those two young adult children a hug
Remember the good times
Wishing you all the very best
Alanon was and is the best organization to learn how to become whole. It builds tools to use for the rest of your life. No one can teach you to stay in your own lane until you see the bigger picture.
After awhile, you stop loving the addict. Well, at least I did. And I can’t stand being with anyone who is drunk. Thirty years later, I still don’t know what was real and what was addiction.
That is understandable.
Yup
I totally understand. My wife became alcoholic some years after we married. She went from love of my life to my worst enemy.
I found a lot understanding and serenity in Al-anon. Today, I have love and compassion toward my wife, who is still drinking.
@@jazamaraz8029 you have patience and understanding, and it sounds like you’re at peace. Once I divorced my husband, I never looked back. I didn’t want to waste anymore energy on him. He wasn’t worth it.
Thanks for this. I have an addictive personality, so I have always avoided drinking too much, or taking drugs. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholics, so I spent most of my life hearing stories from my parents. It was very hard for them.
It was really sad that he lost his fight after struggling for so long. I hope he has found peace at last. ❤
Melanie that title. 💔💔💔. We all really did 😭
😭 I’m so affected 💔
@@AttorneyMelanieLittle me too
Melanie, Thank you kindly for bringing this issue out in the light. Most people do not get help because of shame. I have learned a lot about this disease. People feel bad for cancer patients. People do not feel the same way towards an addict. Alcoholism is a disease too. A disease that cruelly convinces the afflicted one that you never had an issue to begin with. I have lost a lot of my family, on both sides, to this disease. Powerlessness for the alcoholic/addict and the people that love them are powerless too.
But yes, the disease is progressive but thankfully so is the recovery. RIP Matthew.
Thank you, Melanie
many addicts HAVE to get the drug or drink so they don't get sick. Over time its not about getting high..its about not getting sick.
This! 🤕
Truth!!
Thank you Melanie. My mother died of alcholism in 2002. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or miss her.
I'm so sorry for your loss...💔
“PIVOT!!! Best scene ever on Friends 😢❤ So loved watching Chandler every night reruns while I made dinner for my family. 😌
Wow! That saying that you read that he wrote in his book about the “passing would be a shock, but not surprising” is so true. He speaks not only for himself but for all those people that he lived with and shared stories with during rehab . He knew their stories and shared their suffering down to the cold , raw bottomless pit of emptiness .
Sadly and deeply painful as it is , we can’t and aren’t able to do anything about them nor their pain.
We’re just as helpless over this disease as they are.
Even though they have arrived into peaceful place ? We’re all left with questions , guilt and anger.
Melanie, your beautiful words and your thoughtful insights describing this tragic loss verifies your great sense of right and wrong and your compassion, empathy for others and your heartfelt sense of pain only proves one thing! Your Negative viewers have unfortunately don’t possess any of the goodness you have within you and they are most likely coming from a place of fear, ignorance and self judgement.
Isn’t “POINTING THE FINGER “ a heck of a lot easier than “looking in the mirror”? You are just AMAZING! Your children are so incredibly lucky to have such a smart , loving, caring , thoughtful mother . I’m absolutely sure that your years of being a lawyer has enabled you to open up your heart and eyes to see what is important and what isn’t! ❤
Thank you for your kind words, Olyvia!❤️
I’m so sorry he’s gone. It is a disease. My 33 year old daughter is an alcoholic. She’s been in the longest stage of recovery for 3 years. She could quit cold turkey. She had to wean off of it.
They say it's very dangerous to quit cold turkey - too much of a shock to the system ...
@@AttorneyMelanieLittle ya that’s what I meant. 😊 she could not quit cold turkey. And so far 3 years sober. We are so proud of her but know she could relapse anytime.
@@Star-hk6gcgood for your daughter that’s so cool
And good on you too mum
I refer to drug/alcohol addiction to invasion of the body snatchers. It looks, walks, talks like my loved one, but is nothing but a drug in my loved ones skin suit. I Invision like on Men In Black the bug puts on the Edger suit.
So true 💔
Couldn’t agree more
I have family member with me now
5 months into recovery
Have written a bit of a blurb here in the comments about that
Point being though I remember saying to this person about 2 years ago
I can not talk to you like this, I would like the real person back and I will happily and willingly talk to them
Seriously it was something else in their skin and I was not willing or going to interact with that bug!
But I admit wasn’t willing either to stop reaching out to the real person
The functional loving person they are when the bug wasn’t in control of the suit
At the moment and God willing permanently they’re back
Yahoo
Catching the replay.RIP Matthew. Thanks for all you did to help others.
So sad 😢
So sad
Its a thousand mile journey between the heart and the head, especially for alcoholics and addicts. Im in recovery as well. Something about His story that breaks my heart ,is his desire to “Give it away and help others” but ❤💔maybe forgetting how much he deserved care as well. So heart breaking
❤️❤️❤️
Congratulations on your recovery! 👍👏🧁
@@MissDonnaMarie0 ❤️❤️❤️
Such a good discussion on the topic of addiction. I almost couldn't listen because of a couple nerves it hit. I needed to hear this.
Thanks for covering this❤
Melanie, thank you for you message. I meant every word and it was all true.
I believe that due to the damage done to his body and all the surgeries he had, it was probably just a matter of time before his body would succumb to this disease.
Thank you again and “ JUST BE YOURSELF! EVERYONE ELSE IS TAKEN!”!! ( a quote I read ). ❣️
Watching replay and Melanie, you nailed this. Love with an addict is hell. I loved Matthew Perry and am devastated that he died. I'm not a celeb stalker, so it's odd this has affected me. I always wished he'd find happiness and sobriety. I hope he is truly at peace now. He will be missed. My ex husband.. Not missed at all. Love you Mel❤
Profoundly sad but not surprising nor shocking. Addictions destroys lives of everyone around. Having lived alongside several addicts, all of this is typical. There are some that they call "incurables". Clearly he was one of them.
Can I say personally I don’t except the notion of the ‘incurables’
It’s said here a few times Mathew felt lonely
That’s another way of saying he felt unloved and valueless
For the addict to find the antidote to that within themselves can be extremely extremely difficult but not impossible
Hi Melanie 👋😢😢
Love to hear your program especially this one it was sad but very encouraging. Keep up the good work
Thank you ladies for talking about this. families are affected by this forever. Add to it domestic violence by a drunk person. Of course they the drunk person never wants to remember or admit any of it.
He tried as hard as he could to fight it. He was one of the most talented actors on television and I think many people will miss him.
I couldn’t get back into the chat . When I hit the thumbs up 😢
If that happens again, close out of YT and then try coming back. YT has been having some crazy glitches lately. 💕
When I lived in Las Vegas in the late 90s, I worked on the movie FOOLS RUSH IN and Matthew was so nice.
I love that!
I also love Keith Morrison, Prayers to him and Matthews Family and Friends
There is a scary side to Hollywoodland. Ive been there, pretty high up. I left. If that was all he did, Wow. Most do much more. Im so sad he didnt get out of there. (Of course, its the person here not the entertainment creeps. Theres a lot of guilt- putting up with their gsrbage & not being able to say anything.) Too much to live with. His load was too heavy. Sad. RIP.
Sometimes, the demons won't die until you do...
So sad!
My brother was an alcoholic and heavy smoker (like MP), he started drinking in the army . He finally stopped drinking after he found the woman of his dreams, unfortunately cardiac arrest took him at 45.
I on the other hand am just the opposite, I tried smoking & drinking as a teen and hated the smell of cigarettes & the taste of alcohol. I would vomit.
Yes! I see my loved one still in there
My Dad would always say "This Too Shall Pass"
SENDING HUGS TO YOU MEREDITH BEARDMORE I'm ordering your book.
Sooooo Sad😞💔True Celebrity Has Gone 👼 Troubeled One ☝️
There are a lot of books written about families of alcoholism and one of them was written by Bill W's wife called Lois remembers. There's a chapter in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called the family afterwards🎉
Happy Holidays
HUGS TO YOU TOO MELANIE
PS And thank you. 🥰
These days, alcohol is everywhere even zoo’s & glorified at sports events. It must be very hard for folks to remain sober.
I am 61 years old I am an alcoholic I have 9 years sober
It is not easy you have to understand you have to change your lifestyle
Congratulations- that is a huge achievement- one day at a time!
WOW
I loved friends and Chandler was definitely my favorite character.However, it’s hard to feel sorry for someone who had everything in life and talks about himself as a victim. Drinking and using drugs is a choice. If anyone had the resources of to overcome addiction, it was him. Also, I don’t agree you can’t cure it. There are plenty of recovered alcoholics and ex drug addicts. As Meredith said with other words, addicts are extremely selfish. They will lie and take down their own family to get what they want. If you care for others, you simply don’t put your loved ones through that.
LOVE BUTTON XOXO
Fear and other uninvited guests does another great book Harriet Lerner wrote tremendously in the 90s what is so incredible is Al-Anon and alateen use pretty much the same book Alcoholics Anonymous because the program works for the Al-Anon and the alaattin you take out the word alcohol and you substitute it with people places and things. A complete psychic change happens with the power of the 12 steps and going to meetings for each and every Allen on an alcoholic. It goes on every day throughout the world. Italy received the translation in the mid-80s. Russia received the translation in the early 90s
Miss Melanie, please share an email address. This is so sad, and I want to share my experience, but privately only. Many thanks bc once again you are awesome and carry yourself w such style and Grace. 🙏💕💕
My Mom was an alcoholic...I went to adult children of alcoholic
Mom is passed now
Dad took Mom to AA meeting. She walked in and walked out the back went and got a bottle ... finally he got a divorce
So sorry, Cate...💔
Thank goodness Matthew didn't end up in the "27 Club"
Would it be wrong to record an addict when they are in the depths and show them the next day? But not share with anyone else?
That’s a difficult one
I have a family member with me now 5 months into recovery
I have a friend who’s son saw a Christmas video of himself and that was enough That was seven years ago. Seven years sober isn’t that awesome
However there is a video here on the tube a young man took of himself (and posted) he took his own life 2 weeks later with a deliberate OD apparently because of what he saw
So I guess it depends on the person
Seriously I don’t think you can push, guilt, convince, reason or shock someone into recovery
What if it is with an adult child?
okay but like when are we gonna start questioning hollywood for all these celebrity “addicts” passing away in some kind of tub of water? … i’ve grown up with addicts and you can’t pay them mf to shower lol
Seems impossible! It’s not! It’s crazy! I have seen it first hand. It’s possible!
Unfortunately he is very wrong about the anonymity and the anonymous part of Alcoholics Anonymous. "anonymity is the spiritual Foundation of all of our Traditions ever reminded us to place principles before personalities" AA is a large dose of humility. The program.... "...demands rigorous honesty or our chances are less than average". Our literature was written in 1935. And it has worked for millions of people to have a daily reprieve from alcoholism.
The irony is anonymity might have just saved him. The key is willingness getting sober is a family disease. And it is hard. For everybody but boy is it worth it
May he rest in peace.
Addiction is evil and so unfair
Sadly the addict comes off as so selfish, Yet they really aren't in control?
True so true
FORTITUDE?
Vicious Cycle
I'm pretty sure the Old Spice guy was Jennifer Anniston's father.
No. John Perry (Matty’s father) was the guy in the Old Spice commercial. Jennifer Anniston’s father was on Days of Our Lives soap.
@magicalmary2706 thank you for the correction