6 Types Of Toxic Family Dynamic
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2024
- Most families have that one family member or relative who people try to avoid. But, toxicity can also describe family systems. In this video, we talk about some examples of toxic family dynamics.
What makes a family toxic? Check out our video on the signs of a toxic family: • 7 Signs of a Toxic Family
DISCLAIMER: If you can relate to any of these signs, please do not take this feedback as an attack on your character. This video was meant to be a self-improvement guide for those of you who have been feeling a little stuck.
Writer: Sara Del Villar
Script Editor: Caitlin McColl
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: / amandasilvera
Animator: Tris Canimo
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
REFERENCES:
@justgirlproject. (2021). 7 types of toxic family dynamics. Instagram. Retrieved December 8, 2021, from pCWR0JpCJMNm/.
Faubion, D. (2018, June 13). Toxic family dynamics: The signs and how to cope with them. ReGain. Retrieved from www.regain.us/advice/family/toxic-family-dynamics-the-signs-and-how-to-cope-with-them/.
Henry, J. (2021, June 29). 7 types of toxic family dynamics. Medium. Retrieved from alchemisjah.medium.com/7-types-of-toxic-family-dynamics-8bbcc54cef22.
Hutchinson, T. S. (2020, February 8). The source of toxic family relations | psychology Today. Psychology Today. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/silencing-your-inner-bully/202002/the-source-toxic-family-relations.
Vincenty, S. (2021, November 2). Is your family toxic? Oprah Daily. Retrieved December from www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a29609819/signs-of-toxic-family/.
I love how parent's say "I keep an roof under you're head" "I pay the Bill's in this house" "I feed you" isn't that what you're supposed to do💀 that's literally what being an parent is about!
Watch fences
I cannot tell you how many times I heard this.
@@Rose-gy1cc Same here !
It's all well and good saying all that didn't our parents forget to say they love us lol
I'll probably never forget when I hit 14... AND this "speech" got repeated for probably the 10,000th time... AND I retorted "We both know what you did to get me here in the first place. Maybe you should've thought about this before you SCREWED UP SO BAD!"
...AND then I slammed the door behind me on the way out to my moped... and took off... ;o)
And don't forget the "protect the abuser and criticise the victim" type of family....
It‘s narcissism
Aka Gaslighting Brains family.
This is so accurate.
Family I have rn and makes me contemplate homicide and suicide at the same time
I have to deal with that lol. Not fun but it could be worse!
1- Picture perfect family 0:32
2- Disconnected family 1:23
3- Chaotic family 2:02
4- Child-Parent dynamic 2:44
5- Messy slit family 3:44
6- Co-dependent 4:17
Have a good day everyone !
Thank you!!!!😁😘😇🙏
Ty!
What ever your going through I understand czcams.com/video/w5gujIbQSNI/video.html 🖤🙇🏽♂️🔥❗️🤘🏽
THIS VIDEO HAS BEEN OUT FOR 50 SECONDS
@@hardgem7768 lmao that what I’m saying 🤣
Mine's the disconnected family. It's like we're strangers living in the same house.
I FEEL U MATE it’s so FRUSTRATING & PAINFUL 😩😭
Exactly same here
Eh. If you're the type that values his peace over toxic communication it's more than enough. If anything they give you a fair amount of freedom and independence. Just don't expect guidance that is. It's a bit lonely but I've always preferred quiet harmony and solitude to being gaslighted and constant disparaging.
Mine is a mix of picture perfect and disconnected.
When people visit, everything looks great. But when visit would leave, you could have 3 people in the same room not talking to each other, doing their thing.
You wanna talk to any of them? "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?!?!" while their screen shows Sims 4.
I moved out and only visit like 3 or 4 times a year, during Birthdays and Holidays so I can give or get my presents.
@@blacklight1104 Agreed. I preferred being home alone, than having my family around. I'd feel anxious when any of them would go into the same room, I was always waiting for a nasty or snarky comment about myself, my style, my music, or my likes.
“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles it takes away today’s peace” ♥️
Love it.
Beautiful quote 💜
*Cough*intagram*cough*
I kinda thought it was from the Bible
@@Adham_Gawdat google
The amount of times I keep looking for different cameos/references from other medias is hilarious now.
Hahaha same! 😅
Same!
The encanto one at the end was adorable lol
When my sister and I were young, our parents pitted us against each other as proxies to the grievances between themselves- because of this we fought and argued constantly. After some time away from each other (and our parents) due to college and etc., we all got back together again for a big family Christmas, and- sure enough- her and I began arguing again.
....and then we stopped, and both began laughing- we didn't have to do this anymore!😂
WE actually liked each other, and had outgrown the need to 'perform' for our parents. Our parents (unsurprisingly) were not amused by our personal growth and discovery, and spent much of the holiday in a snit, but we didn't care- we had outgrown our toxic childhood. Good luck and best wishes, everyone!
That's beautiful ^^
Oh my god me and my little brother used to be like this. The way you put it “performing” to the parent(s)/caretaker to gain their love and support and stuff is really accurate. Families these days are so toxic and abusive and it’s normalized for no reason.
good job. victory. major W. 👍
Growing up with my parents I experienced 5.5/6 traits. No wonder why I feel so disconnected from the world and can ever seem to hold down friendships or relationships very well as well as being a military family this says a lot about my parents.
For me my family is toxic sometimes but i feel like im a dissapointmet to them or a burden for not making happy for them or able to have trust or even just have a good time
Absolutely correct and if around others they pretend to be the best parents and siblings. If no audience, their true side of self serving ways as well as not accepting of the child. A codependent child develops.
What ever your going through I understand czcams.com/video/w5gujIbQSNI/video.html 🖤🙇🏽♂️🔥❗️🤘🏽
I hate how true this is 😕
this is the family i’m in right now. some ppl in my family will talk to me around others like they love me and are so nice to me when other ppl are watching, but then when in private and not around those ppl, they talk badly about me and stuff and idk what to do. it’s just weird it feels like i’m being used as a pawn by them to look good in front of others.
@@khalilahd. Me too. Just remember you are worthy of respect. We all are. The less time around those people the better. It is hard to do if they are immediate family members. But all the more better to
show that we are tougher than we think and know our worth. It has taken me way too long to realize what this is. I will not beat myself up anymore. I am improving myself. Good luck to you and hope you find your way through whatever you are or have dealt with.
@@ghostingwo Me too. Don't give up, you know your worth. It is not your fault and you are worthy of respect. I am still in healing process and working my way through to bettering myself. It is not an easy way but the less time around those people the better. Good luck and don't give up on yourself. You are stronger than you think.
Disconnected 👋🏻 As crappy as it was, and still is because I’m in therapy for it, I learned to take care of myself at an early age and be ok in my own company. However, I find it hard to trust anyone and expect to be let down in some way or another
By expecting to be let down you can not be let down. Don’t expect anything from anyone. It took me most of my life to figure this out. I’m 46 now.
Glad to see you’re growing from it and I’m sorry you had to experience this 🥺
@@picklep9812 Yeah, what I meant by that is I’m not surprised when/if it happens. I’m more surprised when it doesn’t happen actually
@@picklep9812 same.. im 47. Expect nothing from no one and you'll never be disappointed.
My family used to be disconnected, but through tons of therapy that we’re still in today, we’re doing much better than before. It may be better, but it doesn’t mean that I still have issues from it. I also had an abusive grandma in my house, so that added to the stress in my childhood, but it’s better now. Also, said grandma is with the stars now.
I'm sorry to hear about that man
@@MAR-bite1987 It’s all good, it’s been a while since my family has been toxic, so life is better at home. 🙂
Same
@@jforquick834 I hope you are doing better now. 🙂
Chaotic family survivee here. I think you guys hit the nail right on the head and it’s honestly a reliefs. Now I understand why I am the way I am. I’m working through these issues and trying to heal from them. I wish the same for others who related to anything of these dysfunctional family dynamics. It’s hard but healing is possible 💜
This video really open our eyes to what we and others experienced in their childhood home. Thanks for sharing
69 likes guys
It’s hard to describe which category my experience fell under, and it took a very long time for me to recognize that the family I grew up with was toxic. My parents were never married and I ended up being raised by my mom’s side of the family, but I saw my dad quite often.
My mother was always busy and didn’t spend much free time with me as much as she did with her close friends and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend…was someone who always made me feel uncomfortable being in the same building as him, and there have been experiences I couldn’t share here. The worst part was that my mom enabled these toxic and abusive behaviors towards me, and most of the time I was the one to be scolded or told that I was the one at fault and not the abuser. My grandma used to be someone that I could go to for comfort and have someone to be safe with when I couldn’t see my dad, but in the past couple of years she had changed and I was so alone in that house.
This had went on for most of my life and I was in a dangerous low point until I took a chance and left that house. My life isn’t easy being away from friends and the family that still matters, but at the least I am still alive. However, there are some days that I think back to those years and I end up pinning the blame on myself, believing that my parents would have been happier if I hadn’t existed.
You're wrong for believing that life would've been better off without you, I believe you're a traumatized soul who didn't deserve to be treated like shit by your family (mainly your "mother" and her bf). I don't think you are to blame at all in any situation, it was all their fault
So sad to hear ur story.. I felt the same in my family 😔😑
I really appreciate you taking concern of yourself and doing what was necessary for you. I'm proud of you.
It's probably the disconnected I think? I'm sorry you had to go thru all that but guess what everyone who's commenting relates somewhat to you!
My family is toxic. That's why I have nothing to do with them.
I wasnt parentified in a chore and responsibility kind of way but I certainly feel like the only emotionally sane person in the house who understands how destructive everyone is towards each other- and everyone cant see it!! no matter how much I try to tell them, to intervene to offer advice to be the one on one therapist, but a punching bag when a group fight breaks out- and when Im trying to be the middle man I get scapegoated again and again and again. Everyone is to blame, but I am somehow more to blame even if I am the only one apologizing for my faults and shortcomings.
families are really just a lottery at this point. You either win big or regret trying to have one at all.
I hope you're doing alright now, I don't know if you like to be sympathized with, but I truly feel sympathy for you, that you had to endure such a household
No matter how much I try to explain it to them, at the end of the day I am the troublemaker. Everytime when they say things without even thinking that perhaps I really do care or understand, it really hurts.
My parents "think" we live in the picture perfect, but have no issues starting something in public and just pretending nobody sees it.
Grew up with a co-dependant family which also seemed picture perfect then we ran away and it turned into every single other toxic traits (mainly child-parent dynamic and chaotic)
That part of the trust issues of the codependent one really exposed my ptsd
One of the most famous sentences in literature is the opening of Leo Tolstoy's novel Anna Karenina: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
As a person with a *very* toxic family, this is true
A lot of these fit my family dynamic actually, and it's true, I deal with these problems a lot, and it's caused me to not really make any close or long lasting friendships or anything
My family when my cousin had undiagnosed ADHD: “he might have autism”
My family when I had undiagnosed ADHD and BPD: “she might have autism”
My family when my brother had undiagnosed autism: “HES PERFECT! GOLDEN CHILD!!!”
Welcome to double standards.
Oh trust me my friend I live in that same dynamic between Me,my 18 y/o cousin and my lil almost 18 year old half sister being undiagnosed for our ADHD for years and my half sister still hasn’t gotten it diagnosed yet but we both know she has it it’s just our mom that refuses to get an actual diagnosis and my partner has Autism and D. I.D and Their parents choose to ignore that they have those symptoms or diagnosed by a doctor and a licensed psychiatrist and just choose to treat them like their a normal kid like no yes it’s ok to not baby them granted but at least acknowledge there are some things that are hard for them to deal with and that their will be some set backs especially when you’re frustrated with them and they have autism don’t yell at them cause yelling at them doesn’t help them it hurts them talk to them be more understanding and listen to what they have to say 🙄
I have undiagnosed adhd its hard ti lived with this shit i just wanna to lived not to suffer
@@zaireenalexiapedres2398 how old are you? I’d recommend getting it diagnosed asap so you can see if meds work for you.
For the cherry on top, your parents convince themselves that actually autism isent that bad because people with autism display some positive attributes.
Awe, I really want to give that girl in dynamic 3 a hug. Actually, I want to give them all a hug, because I relate to all of these except for 5, but I still very much want to give that one a hug.
What about families that overly interfere/ invade a grown up child's personal space, impose their opinion rather than understanding, and instead, blames the child when he/she tries to have an open conversation about the family relation issue?
I'm think you grew up in an oppressive household, I'd say that it's also narcissistic because they rather have their opinions than listen to anyone else's, but I might be wrong ^^"
(TW) *My family all get along great except for me* because I seem to be the only one who has an issue with the fact that my older brother who’s a ped0phile for grooming his 13yo sister-in-law until she was 18 then murdered my dog of 12years is walking around Scott free and everyone still loves him and blames his victims, also he’s literally stabbed many people. But then my abusive parents who abused me for years then when I finally cut them out of my life I’m the toxic one not to mention everyone knows my mother is besties with my m0lester and I’m the problematic one for having an issue with them????? I always put family first and dedicated my dreams to them and now I tell everyone my parents died when I was a kid and I don’t have any known relatives
I hope you can get out of that situation soon mate, no one deserves that
Sounds of things... you're better off. Who wants to get along with a dumpster fire??? ;o)
Dude, your family is disgusting. I'm happy you're out of that shithole.
My cousin when he was like 13 or 14 started molesting me when I was 10. The entire family just swept it under the rug. If this infuriated me, I don't want to imagine the rage you go through.
Get help to heal from all that! Some families are ok living a lie but you don't have to. Best of luck to you stick with the right therapist!
Oh my god! I am sorry you had to go through this... This too shall pass, don't worry it's going to be alright pal
My cousin sent me a text message out of the blue that I am toxic and she no longer wishes to continue a relationship with me. I watched the video and there's nothing that is of me in the videos. I think all in all, my cousin doesn't feel good about herself that's why she says I'm toxic. Thanks for the video.
Maybe you should ask what your cousin sees in you when calling you toxic. Your cousin isn't immediate family so it won't look the same- So I'd suggest just asking them what might make your relationship better.
@@queen_zj6136 Definitely agree. It doesn’t mean that they are right or wrong, but it’s important to at least ask for their point of view
Just ask them what you did wrong, though their answer might not be a reasonable one or you just might not see it from your point of view but it is important to just listen to what they have to say to you. Maybe you can work things out and continue having a healthy relationship with them
Ask them to explain. DONT, I MFing REPEAT, DO NOT ARGUE!!!!!!!!!!!
Listen...then say: "okay...i repect your wishes, let me know if we can work something out."
Dont argue. Dont argue. Just open your ears!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont plea...dont persuade....dont do sh1t, other than listen and respect their words.
Thanks for the replies.
I can attest that a good amount of foreign parents check every single one of these boxes (minus the divorce one). It wasn't until I moved out that I realized how much healing I had to do from 20+ years of living this way and believing it to be completely normal.
2 years have gone by now since I've left and the healing has been done & I've come to accept it all, but the scars will never go away. Best we can do is not to pass-on all that's been passed down to us 👌🏾
Growing up I was in a disconnect family and my friend was in a parent-child family. As we both knew the struggle of lacking love from parents, we both clicked of soon and are still best friends.
I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW EULA, DILUC AND AMBER
My family sound like the disconnected type, I pray we become closer and more United 🙏🏽!
My parents have been divorced about 14-15 years now. Even when living with the parent that doesn't trash talk the other all the time and seeing the other every week it is difficult. Especially when you receive contradictory information and have to decide which one is lying. I turn 21 this year and I am very careful about who I open up to (except anonymously on the internet) and who I trust, for better of for worse. I don't like lying but some people in my life don't want to hear the truth, so I have developed a vague way of answering certain questions which protects my integrity without causing an argument that I know I can't win.
I can relate to the picture-perfect and disconnected family. I've hidden a secret that will get my own Mother in trouble if my Father finds out about it... It'll be a chaotic roller coaster at home. The worst part is both of them aren't the "Best" but what can I do? But I am grateful that they've brought me into this world. They may not be perfect but they're still my parents at the end of the day.
Ooh we're cutting it close to home tonight!
But, in all seriousness, despite me being in my mid 20s, over the past several years I've had to take on a parental role to my mom and it's gotten to a point where I'm sacrificing all of my happiness and experiences to take care of her. I recognize that it's toxic, but with my mom's physical condition deteriorating so rapidly in a short amount of time, I can't just leave the situation. I'm the only one she has.
Yeah... That sucks... Just got through the 10 year (more or less) hiatus for my mother's end of life care... It's an uphill battle you can't "win"... There's no "win". There's only good days and bad days... and then the end of the days...
You're not alone. Some of us know how hard it is not to blame yourself when that time comes to pass. You're only doing your best...
Try to take care of yourself, too. You can't help anyone when you're in worse shape than they are.
...AND for better or for worse, this too, shall pass. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 thank you, I really needed this. It's been difficult and I can't help but feel like I'm alone, so it's nice to know that I'm not
@@HELyasss Yeah... Well, you're ALWAYS welcome.
I think pilots call it "tunnel vision"... that phenomenon where you feel completely alone in the moments... In some ways it can (sort of) be a benefit for no outside distractions getting through to interfere with your concentration... BUT it can be a double-edged sword... feeling completely alone... and then there's "target fixation" and the approaching disaster is all you can see...
It can eat you up if you let it. I think those of us who have been through (even some of) it before should speak up once in a while. Maybe no two journeys are quite the same, and there really is NO "being ready for it"... There can be plenty said for preparing what you can of yourself before you're "in it up to your neck"...
In any case, I see you... I'm still refining quite what it is to get my own sh*t back together again... AND that light at the end of the tunnel really seems like the headlamp of an oncoming train, but it's not. You WILL be able to get back up and recover. It's a natural order of things. Yesteryears' generations are MEANT to come to pass, and we are TODAY'S generation... AND when we come to pass there will be TOMORROW'S generation(s) to rise and take our places as well. It's only natural that we were created just resilient enough to "take it" and keep on ticking. That's not going to make it easy... BUT such is life. There is no "easy"... just a bit simpler and (usually) more painless than we expected... We still get dinged up as life marches on.
You DO deserve your "me time"... Take it whenever you can. I believe in you. ;o)
You can have my 84 year old toxicly EVIL MOTHER... THEY get worse when their in their ate up 80'$
Chaotic in my case unfortunately. Being in a family consisting of 6 people with one being physically unwell while everyone is financially and mentally struggling isn’t great. The pressures of being the oldest and the only person old enough to work isn’t the best feeling either. Hopefully everyone else is having a better life heh
By this video alone, it looks like my family dynamics seem to have gone through being 5 types of toxic families at the same time.
When the eldest son of an abusive family married the eldest daughter of another abusive family, he wanted a picture perfect family where his entire family bends over to the abuse from his own family.
This snowballed into a neglectful father who prefers focusing on work than actually making time to be with his family.
The mother raises parentified children, does not control herself and her wasteful way of spending, causing the family to delve into chaotic family,
eventually boiling over to codependency where both parents prefer to abuse each other constantly (in the emotional aspect).
Sure, they didn’t resort to physical violence, but the level of emotional abuse in that house is suffocating and both parents are very stubborn ppl who don’t see that they themselves need to change before they can expect anyone to change for them.
Sweet name you have and it's very nice to meet you. I agree that emotional abuse or even verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and I'm sorry that you had to endure all of that.
Literally any type of abuse is intolerable, and I wonder how you managed to survive such a toxic household, hoping you have a better situation than before 😨
that just described my story pretty well except with the physical abuse
My family is in quite the chaotic state. It kinda started when we moved from our home in AZ to one in MI. We stayed there for two years and then moved back, which is...already a lot. And this year has been really rough on us, we had a close family member die, and now we're moving again. My parents have always argued before, but it just seems so immature now, one's got anger issues and the other instigates. I'm sick of moving, sick of these fights, and I'm just glad we won't be moving for awhile after this.
Y'all completely deserved the 9 Million followers. You are doing amazing and helping me a lot. Good work, I appreciate it.
parentified children… that reminds me of when my brother died, both of my parents started drinking heavily. my brother died about 8 years ago & my parents are still alcoholics. i had to hide my parents car keys from them ever since i was younger so that they wouldn’t drive to the liquor store while drunk. my mom got so mad one time that she threw a glass bowl at me. i was like 14-15 during that time. she doesn’t remember it, but i remember everything.
now my parents tell me that i’m the most stable out of all of my siblings because of how “mature” i act during life or death situations. so i handle stuff like the guns, in case of an emergency, & i know i’ll have to take care of my autistic brother when my parents die bc my oldest brother is unstable.
i’m only 20 now, but i feel like i’m 60 bc i never had a childhood. i’ve just been on constant “go mode”
thank you for making this video i'v just realized that i'v been living around toxic people my hole life and I am more mature than my age from the things that I have to deal with at home and the things i learned from trying to be a kid and i have been tramitysed for 4 years because of it.
I can relate to the picture perfect (though my family is FAR from that), the disconnected, and chaotic types. It was at their highest peaks in the earlier years of my life when my dad was barely there as much, and whenever he was there, it was just to make himself feel like the family was so great, and that he was the greatest ever even though it was far from the truth.
Parent-i-fied....yep. I've definitely experienced this for. Avery long time.
And devoted parents too. 🥺
Totally missed out on the single parents who have an emotionally incestuous relationship with the child ! Thanks!!!! To those people who had this you’re not alone I hope you see my comment. I love you ❤️
What does that mean? What kind of dynamics do the parent-child have?
Is this the one where the parent puts emotional burdens on the kid that should be reserved for a partner or other adult?
Like the parent has debt issues and instead of venting with another adult, they drop it on their child. Of course, the subject is too harsh for the kid and they go into full panic "Mom has no money, we're going to starve, we won't have a house" etc
@@thebrokeweeb2661 I'd imagine that would come with a fair amount of codependence, possessiveness and controlling behaviors mixed in.
@@thebrokeweeb2661 It's when the parent grooms the child to be the partner (emotional, sexual, etc.) they always wanted but never had. Usually comes up, at least in my case it did, when the parent is unsatisfied with their spouse and turns to their child for satisfaction. My BPD mother expressed this with me growing up, especially in my teens and twenties. She would often make sexually inappropriate comments about my appearance; ask me about sex and talk about it all the time; take me out on mother-son "dates" (yes, she called it that) often since dad was rarely around; and many more incidents I can list out if anyone wishes me to. I didn't even know it was going on until one night, after my parents finally got divorced, she kept trying to get me to stay the night at her apartment during Christmas and something inside of me kept screaming "GET OUT! WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT STAY THE NGIHT HERE! GO BACK TO YOUR DAD'S HOUSE! NOW!". I thought that was really weird, but when I back to my dad's house it hit me like a freight train. It's absolutely revolting whenever I think about it, and honestly I don't really know what to do about it going forward. My dad still maintains a friendly relationship with my mother, despite knowing all the things she did to me and my sister, so he doesn't provide a very sympathetic ear. I'm also in the military, and talking to anyone, professional or otherwise, about psychological issues is a big no-no that could get you discharged. Kind of isolating , really, which I guess is why I'm writing this long post. Anyway, that's what emotional incest is. It sucks, it's disgusting, and it absolutely ruins kids as they grow up.
@@blacklight1104 Correct. My mother definitely displayed all of those to various degrees.
The first one hits home ... mainly with my sister. My mom and sister argue with eachother over silly things, and even when it bugs me, I'm supposed to keep quiet about it because CPS might get called again. My sister also tells me to keep things a secret, like when she broke her phone screen cause she threw it against the wall cause she was mad ... yet she lied to my mom about how she dropped it...
I'm so tired of keeping secrets of my family, I'm so tired of being the one the secrets have to be told and kept to ... I'm tired ... I just want to tell someone that this is wrong...
Of course my family loves me ... but they have their abusive ways...
Damn, my childhood relates way too well with the chaotic family style. To an almost disturbing extent.
I have a disconnected, chaotic and split family. I have difficulties conecting with others and extreme trust issues. It's hard, but someday I'll leave this mess😪❣️
I’ve been growing up in a child-parent family with my dad ( my parents are divorced) I remember having to ask him how much he were drunk and putting him in bed at 4am when I was 8yo and this happened several times.. even now.
When you realize at least 3 of these is what you grew up in.
Growing up in 2 different households (technically didn’t live in one just spent a lot of my childhood there)
Both of these fitting into these categories
Household 1 was the child parent dynamic, I ended up doing most the cooking cleaning,etc obviously all they did was get money for the bills
Around this time school was stressing me aswell, bullying and other things that aren’t relevant,
I did not like spending time there school on top of being a parents parent was incredibly stressful.
Household 2 Which was the disconnected and the chaotic family. (Great pair 💀👍)
Mostly just spent my time in my room, then they would blame me for not spending time with them (despite them making absolutely no effort into a relationship)
Struggling financially didn’t help either, driving them into they’re work even more making a relationship even less possible
To put it simply this was a trauma dump, household 2 sucked and household 1 was better even if I was a parent at 8
Done this took to long to type
Oh man, when they say "You don't spend time with me" my aunt is like that.
She constantly wanted me in the same room as her, but would ignore me completely. If I tried to talk to her "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?!?!?!" But I wasn't allowed to leave. If I opened up to her, she always made me feel at fault for what happened, including getting sxually assaulted at 13.
But as soon as I decided to be in my room, or do something productive in a different area of the house, she'd kick in the guilt trip gear. "I spend the whole day alone in the house, and you come here and don't spend time with me, after everything I do for you. Don't you love you auntie who puts so much effort for you?"
And i thought 1 and 2 couldn't coexist. Wow dude. Props to you for making this far and getting thru that. I hope happiness and peace follows you thru whatever you're dealing with.
There's benefits to growing up with adversity. Pressure makes diamonds💪💎💎💎
My family isn't any of these things and it's sad that some people aren't as fortunate.
I’m 24 and I was raised by a covert narcissist, and when I finally escaped I decided to go live with family that was never in my life previously, now I’m wondering if I made a mistake because they seem to be that “looks good on paper” or “picture perfect” type. I’m really disappointed that after all my life of going through a bit of hell, I thought I could finally be at a better place than I ever was in before, but I only lived with them for 3 months and I wanted out. Conditional love truly sucks. Just move forward from people who will only love you when it benefits them folks, even if they’re family
I have an picture perfect, disconnected, co-dependent family
Mine is the picture perfect family to the extreme. Not only are any arguments either ignored in public or made to make me look like the villain, but I'm also constantly forced to get 90+ percentages in all of my subjects. Even my worst ones. And when my parents found out that I won 4th place in Canada in a contest, my dad just burst into my room and begged for my certificate. I got like 7 of those but I don't want him to have it, because he's either going to flex it in front of other Facebook parents or I'm never going to get it back. I told him like four times that he can't have it but he went "But I'm your dad!" and left.
Or both flex it in front of the Facebook parents and never get it back.
Not sure if it's possible to experience more than one toxic family dynamic. But could definitely relate to the Disconnected, Chaos and Child-Parent ones.
Congratulations on hitting 9million subs you always help us and people who are depressed thanks a lot for being here for us
Omgggg thank you for this. This hits so close to home. I understand now 😩 chaotic family 👋🏼
Omg this is the earliest I’ve ever been! I love this channel so much!
ugh, i relate to the first one where my parents hide issues and then bring it up to us when they have to which is a shock to us and expect us to be fine with it. lowkey, my dad is the second one. and i relate to the third family kinda
I grew up in an extremely toxic family environment. My mother was the abuser and my father failed to protect his four children from her. The Disconnected family section stood out to me. The children in my family were "maintained," like farm animals. Fed, watered, clothed and sheltered. No love and no emotional support. Treated as if we were burdens and unloveable. We wound up being four extremely damaged adults, limping around through life and estranged from each other. Any relationship with any family member is too triggering to each of us.
I needed to hear this more than you could know....thank you 💜💜♥️
My mom grow up as a child-parent, she had to take care of her whole family since she was ~8-9. And in result she has some issues, so we have the chaotic family, plus them divorcing when I was 6 and my dad dying 1 year ago (I'm 15 rn). I respect my mom for going through so much but I am scared of her at the same time because when she snaps at really small things (most of the time not even related to me), she treats my horribly...
This summarizes my life. Especially number 4.
Now we just need a video on how to deal with resentment and anger towards your parents. Nobody can mess up your life quite like them.
i have all 6 toxic family dynamics in my family. at first i thought it was just one but, now that i've seen this video I now know how wrong I was.
Not sure which one I am. Since I was around 4, I and my parents kept moving around southeast Asia, but that didn't prevent them from arguing and fighting multiple times a week. Heck, they would yell, scream, and throw things, and I just sat there, either trying to sleep, or sitting on the couch watching shows with my dad, or in the kitchen, sitting in silence or crying for them to stop. My dad also had a long shift at his job working for Wipro, so yeah, it was mainly me and my mum.
When I moved back to my old home, my dad went to China for his job, and I and my mum went to live with my grandparents, where I am now. Occasionally, my dad would come over to visit, but a lot of the time it didn't go well, seeing as once he stormed from the house and had brought his father with him to visit me. I felt a lot of guilt, thinking that my mum was awful, or that I had caused the fights.
When I was 8, my mum told me that she and my dad were divorcing. I didn't know what to feel - relieved that the fights were over or upset because my dad would no longer be completely part of the family. However, I ended up crying myself to sleep.
Now, at age 11, I and my dad barely speak. Sometimes I forget he exists until my mum tells me to call him on Skype, and 75% he's not there, or I just don't call him, because I don't feel like it.
My grandparents also constantly fight over timings - my grandfather defending himself over 2 glasses of beer before dinner, and my grandmother constantly victimizing herself in front of everyone. I feel stuck in the middle.
When people tell me they're sorry that my parents are divorced, I tell them 'It's fine!', but I'm not sure whether I ever tell them the truth about how I feel.
Picture-perfect and disconnected. Trust and authenticity issues. I have the peace of understanding, finally.
After watching this I was shook. Realizing that my family owns everyone of those numbers. it’s unsettling and disturbing. Pysh2go u and all of ur vidoes have changed my life ❤
I fall in between the codependent and disconnected family dynamic because after the death of my grandmother my mom and dad got divorced they were emotionally disconnected. And when my parents are at work it makes me feel emotionally neglected
i personally have the “picture - perfect family.” and everyone thinks were perfect when everything is falling apart.
Its funny because I've had to deal with 3 of those types. Parents always presenting the 'Normal everything is fine' face. The room mate instead of parent because one was emotionally detached and the other is swapping the parent child relationship because he acts like a malicious child. Wrapped up in the pretty bow of 'your parents are perfectly right to do this shut up and be happy'.
Once again another video that checks all if not most of the boxes of my relationship with my mom.
I relate to all of them 😣😭 but thank you educational making these videos they definitely help
I have a combination of messy split and chaotic family. It sucks. I've been in therapy for years now. Not alot of progress has been made unfortunately.
thank you for making this video. Now I understand why my relationship with my partner didn't work out because they came from a disconnected family I'm assuming.
In my Family ,we argue every day , but we love each others
Points 2 and 5 disconnected and messy split family - they describe what was like to live with just Mom
Me and my middle brother were disconnected from my parents. My oldest brother and oldest sister are more connected to them because while they were in Vietnam, it seems my parents were more caring tending to them. But when we immigrated to the USA, I remember my middle brother and I spent a lot of time alone. My brother and sister were off with friends and my parents were off at work for long hours. When they were home, they were tired and don’t want to interact with us.
I was sexually abused by a neighbor when I was in kindergarten and I believe my middle brother was as well. I didn’t know it was sexual abuse. It stopped when my parents moved the family. I grew up very introverted even though I was told I was very extroverted as a kid in Vietnam. These days, my parents don’t contact me and I don’t talk to them. I visit on occasion every 1-2 months but they never really was curious about my life or anything like that. My middle brother feels they are like strangers to him; they didn’t accept that he was gay and he moved out and never spoke to them again. It’s been 11 years
Mine is a disconnected family...like no one cares until it comes to my grades....they don't care about my wellbeing or anything...so i just pretend that i am busy too, because whenever we spend time all they ask about is studies and work and then guilt trip me that how i dont work hard and if I continue at this pace then i will fail in my life (even though I work hard they refuse to acknowledge it and criticize me for my past grades and my works)...it makes my heart and my had hurts,it feels like i am walking on eggshells and i can set them off any time...they didn't praise me when i did good,they didn't acknowledge any of my mental struggle,as a child i crave for their attention and unconditional love but well,their love changes with my grades... anything below an A and it's on.... I had some mental issues last year and when i confronted them with it they were like you should go and see people who are struggling in floods without food and shelter,and your problem is nothing and stop overreacting and that's how they shrugged it off....you see;for most of the time tehy were emotionally unavailable..also they physically abused me until 10 and now it's verbal and emotional..
You guys are lucky if you have parents that are emotionally and physically available to you guys...
It’s the Encanto reference at the end for me 🥺☺️🦋✨ I LOVE THAT MOVIE SO MUCH it owns my heart
This is describing my family right now and it’s so sad how my parents (mostly my dad) doesn’t communicate at all..
Disconnected mum always had me somewhere, she thought I had to deal with everything on my own, and when something did not suit she screamed and hit me which resulted in trying that I thought I had to grow up quickly and I couldn't cope with anything in my life and until now I don't understand my emotions
I think this is helping me understand my friend better. . .
The algorithm is strong with this one. 🤔 My family just had a HUGE argument in the family group chat. Worst I've seen from them yet.. I go to CZcams & this is the first recommended video. 😳
Im just gonna say it
It really helped me like THANK YOU SOO MUCH
I think my family is that bad that there is no words to explain them . my life is very tough tbh
When I see others with their family, their parents still together and their annoying younger or older siblings in the household, I can't help but feel jealous...I grew up alone, like my older brothers and sister never existed. I was home alone with a drunken and emotionally abusive mother. On the weekend I was home with a distant father who praised my achivments for one day and then shut me out no matter how much I begged him to not take me back. I was scared of making a mistake and when I did I would and still do deny it. I act fake while inside it's like my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I just want my family's love and support but it's hard when they put so much expectations on your shoulder and even more burden you with the thought of failing. I was compared and just mentally tortured, nothing I do makes me satisfied without approval from others, I can't hand in a English story exam without getting it checked by a bunch of people and hearing the approval.
My family is probably one of the most toxic family ever. As sad as it is I had to break the contact to them. I suffered more than long enough and it affected me as a person heavily negative as well. To grow up as a person so I can create for example a healthy relationship I had to do that step and I finally learned that this is the best for all of us. I am a way better person now but still far away from being the person that I want to be.
Wild to think about how people can have like all of these dynamics at once. It's so great to talk about this especially for people who don't even realize they experienced a shitty childhood
I deadass didn't know I was being abused until I heard something tell me to leave the house and until everyone in my class stared at me like a moron when I asked a question one time. It's a trip, especially when you find out that the reason you were treated so horribly was the parent got a normal child and not an autistic one like me!
@@anglepsycho i completely understand this. The after effects are slapping me hard and it's crumbling to watch your little version of yourself gasp for hair
Mine was a mix I was a parent to my siblings and was essentially treated like I didn't exist unless we were around outside people then we were "perfect" I only got power back when my parent figure ended up with dementia and I kicked out the abusive man child she'd been enabling to hurt everyone when I took over the family income and care since at that time I was the only one with a Job after my mom passed there was a period of grief from everyone but now we're all mentally, physically,or financially doing better than we ever could have hoped growing up
I have 2 of these, disconnected emotional attachment and a broken up family. And also some stuff is going horribly wrong
My mother was a part of a messy split family which later manifested in creating my Chaotic family. I am quite independent, and have been since a young age, but never really feel safe or sure of myself. My father left, my mother was burdened by financial and personal struggles which made her quite verbally abusive towards me. My aunt gave me PTSD, and my grandmother doesn't believe in mental health. (My m has since cut ties with our family so it's just me her and my dogs).
It has definitely made life harder for me because I never grew up with healthy examples of how to process my emotions. It's hard for me to trust anyone, and I find myself being anxious over any little mood change I sense I'm a person.
You're not alone, we are going through the same thing! ❤️
Survivor of Picture Perfect + Disconnected + Chaotic + Co-dependent family here.
Growing up till now, dad doesn't really communicate, its either i have to keep repeating or only a few words and will just direct me to just read newspaper or go talk to mum. He often struggles with temper management and cigarette addiction.
Mum, on the other hand, likes to micromanage and attempts to control any aspects of both me and dad's life that she can have her hands on. She blames and nag on every thing big or small, huge source of verbal & emotional hurtful words. Family culture has very strong blaming, criticizing and i rarely hear any encouragement words from them (could count with one hand).
There was once i was robbed and my phone was snatched away, got home and got blamed instead. I also got bad allergic reaction to certain medication syrups during my child days, i will vommit badly everytime i consumed but the worst thing that happenned was i got caned everytime it happenned.
Thanks for the video and also allowing anyone who go through the same ordeal to voice their thoughts here. Have a good life everyone!
Definitely grew up in child parent dynamic and messy split family. Still struggle to trust people and to develop relationship. People think that we are 4 late bloomers but we are 4 broken minds, trying to live.
Psych2Go has been at it since ive been in highschool prob even longer. You guys are great! I hope you continue to impact more generations because it has and continues to help me.
My family is the co-dependent one
My mom is the abusive both physically and emotionally while my dad is an enabler but he isn't scared of her
He just doesn't think what she's doing is that bad
Yes he tries to stop her at times but it's the bare minimal
I have disconnected family and chaotic family causing for me to develop an ocd, ADHD, depression, anxiety trust issue,and fear of losing someone that really means to me....
Perfect timing.. reading Butterfly Reign rn
2:41
“SPEACK PROPERLY”
me remembering ever time my mom has told me to “move my mouth” or “annunciate my words” or just grabbing my mouth to “move it for me” and even though it put me down a ton, I thought it was normal
Picture perfect family? Yep! There you go. You've defined it.
Even if you believe that your family is really good, there will be a few instances where you feel vulnerable and helpless at times. And it's especially bad when you wanna talk about it to your parents, they'll just say "you're thinking too much, it's all rubbish" or "get out of here, i don't wanna listen to your lecture on self-healing and self-love". Virtual hugs to all who experience this❤️