Unraveling The Source of Our Sexual Shame: Jay Stringer Deconstructs Purity Culture
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- We’re starting a new series that is going to be fire-it’s For the Love of Dating, Sex and Relationships. We’re going to cover a lot of territory over the life of this series-and with this episode we’re going to start with a question; what was it that you learned about sex during the most formative years of your life? Because whether you realize it or not, this can greatly shape how you approach sex as an adult. Maybe you’ve been unraveling what it is you think about sex, how you think about your body, what sex means to you-and you’re tracing it back to what you learned as teenager or young adult-and maybe that education wasn’t positive. To help guide us through making those connections to our early sexual education and how we view sex today is therapist Jay Stringer-returning for his second appearance on the show. Jay pulls back the curtain on the teachings many of us got about sex when we were young. Even if you never were a part of movements like “True Love Waits,” or received lessons on purity culture by your church, or other religious organizations-perhaps there was a rigid sexual space in the childhood home you grew up in. We’re speaking to all the ways sex might have been presented to us with messages of shame. Jay encourages us to look at our sexual stories, seeking ways to find healing and wholeness toward a healthy view of sex. And bonus-for you parents who find talking about sex with your kids akin to a slow, painful death, Jay and Jen talk through ways can engage our kids around sex without the shame approach that a lot of us experienced, and to have those conversations in a loving, age-appropriate way by being open and responsive.
Content Warning: This episode talks extensively about sex, sexuality, and unwanted sexual behaviors, so it may not be suitable for young listeners.
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CHECK OUT Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
➤ Unwanted: How Sexual Brokeness Reveals Our Way to Healing - Jay Stringer - www.barnesandn...
➤ Addressing Broken Sexual Behavior with Jay Stringer - For the Love Podcast Episode - jenhatmaker.co...
➤ The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended - Sheila Gregoire - www.barnesandn...
➤ Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life - Emily Nagoski - www.barnesandn...
➤ Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less - Greg McKeown - www.barnesandn...
➤ Dr. Dan Allender - theallendercen...
CONNECT with Our Guest!
➤ Website: jay-stringer.com
➤ Facebook: / jaystringerunwanted
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➤ Twitter: / _jaystringer
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“Go down into grief so that beauty might emerge“. Thank you for giving me language around my journey. I can often times feel guilty that the last couple of years have been full of deconstruction, grief, anger, sorrow, and regret..but knowing that it’s part of the process of allowing beauty to emerge, gives me so much hope.
I need to do that too I need to go through a process to peel off all my layers of shame Gill sin acting out and clean this two marriages that I was irresponsible to be involved with
It harmed me, and it took me until my early 40s to get through it (mostly). I am still so angry about this. It's truly abhorrent that they did this to us growing up in Southern Baptist churches.
Great episode! Jen, I would absolutely LOVE it for you, Glennon, and others who are boldly discussing issues around sexuality to mention to your audience that there is also a very valid sexual orientation spectrum called asexuality - it's the often forgotten and misunderstood "A" in LGBTQIA. The sad thing is that so many of us who are asexual are told that there is something wrong with us or that we are "broken" because we don't experience sexual attraction (even though many of us do experience romantic, aesthetic, or sensual attraction). Some aces even enjoy and engage in sex -- it's just that they lack the same kind of attraction allosexuals do. You may want to invite Jasmine Benoit, Megan Carroll, or other Ace activists to come on the podcast! :) So many discussions around sex revolve around the allonormative experience (allosexuals are the dominant group in the population who experience sexual attraction). So much bullying and dismissal of the asexual experience out there... would love for you to validate us! Asexuals make up about 1% of the population, compared to about 5% of the population being LGBT.
First of all, I love the hat! My mother used to have a place in Port Aransas. So many fond memories there.
Second, thanks for bringing Jay Stringer back for a second podcast. He's so insightful and I've learned so much and I understand my history more. I also liked what he said about talking to your children. All three of my children are adults now (2 boys, 1 girl). All of them have been comfortable talking to me about sex, which I'm grateful for. It's hard to have the conversation since I grew up with a stepmother who was quite prude; however, I am there for my kids and I listen and answer questions for them. I think it's healthier for them and I feel like I've done something right in all of this. Thank you!
Looking forward to the rest of the series!
I really appreciated this discussion, but would appreciate lending more visibility to the experience of single people (we didn't all get married at 22!) who have struggled with this, along with LGBTQIA inclusiveness. As a single woman in most churches you become basically invisible and undesirable once you are age 30+. And there are so many of us that have suffered through all this shame, repressivness and pain as single people. It's a very difficult and dark place.
Ooo the mention of Rob Bell at the end just made me wonder if Jen and Rob have ever done anything together? I don’t think they have?
I've only listened to a couple of your podcasts. Have enjoyed them have you listened to Richard Rohr or read his book falling upwards.
It writes very clearly about what you two were trying to explain. The 2nd half of spirituality
Jen hatmaker Can you do one about rape and healing What God says about healing and not holding that shame. That Whe we are hurt God still loves us. I dont know maybe it wilk helo others.
For a great spoken word poem about this, check out Thank God I’m a Virgin by Emily Joy
#DrObahistoricalherbs.
Ugh. Just start the videos and stop the annoying pre-talk already.