Here are a few thoughts 1. Migration is very disruptive socially and it illuminates what may have been living in the dark. If you didn’t have strong relationships with your kids before migrating, migration may break you 2. Asy, you’ve hit the nail on the head that most people miss in this debate. Middle class Africans tend to have helpers involved in childcare at home and find it challenging when they migrate abroad and suddenly they’re working full time and are primary carers of their kids. If you have PR, why not migrate with grandma? My daughter was born in 2014 and 3 months later grandma came and is still here with us 3. On the issue of beating your kids. The law (section 43 Criminal Code) allows parents to do so if it is reasonable. As a matter of law it is permissible however, the issue becomes what is reasonable. My experience has been that child protection orders against parents disproportionately affect Indigenous people and people from migrant backgrounds. That unfortunately the reality of how social workers and the legal system rely on racist stereotypes to target these groups. A lot of research has been done on this topic. 4. Regarding her co-worker and manager meeting here is a very handy tip. Kindly ask the manager if she can bring a lawyer to the meeting. Western society depends on you knowing and asserting your rights and migrants typically don’t know how to do both and become victims of targeting by the system. 5. Dropping your child in Nigeria will probably develop abandonment issues that will have lifelong impacts 6. Parents who migrate must do the work of building social circles for their kids. Join a church, join sport clubs, drama clubs, public speaking, music. I have father-daughter activities every week and there’s lots of free stuff you can do. The African model of the family is the extended family and in the west it’s the nuclear family. Therein lies the problem. The solution is to create an extended family for her in Canada and if possible make that family multiracial. 7. Private schools in Canada are an option some parents never consider. Because private schools are self selecting on income and academic ability it means kids are generally surrounded by kids from a similar background. And private schools have behavioural expectations and enforce disciplinary codes public schools can’t. It will cost you but is the price not worth it? 8. Finally, look outside the Nigerian community for ideas. For example, here in Australia, the Chinese community started migrating around 1870 so they have more than a century of experience living in Australia. Chinese-Australians are disproportionately represented in medicine, law, arts, engineering etc. We all live, work and parent in the same country yet they do so much more successfully than every group including white Australians. PS. My daughter and I are glued by the hip. The boundary I have drawn is that she is not my best friend, she’s my daughter and that distinction creates room to discipline her if the need arises. Because we are so close , her biggest fear is disappointing me
Good day ASY,listening and watching from New York.words are falling me to express my gratitude for the wisdom you impart to families who might be struggling with raising their kids in so called elite world.please keep up admonishing parents who may be lost in this and other areas.May God continue to bless you for the love and time you put in saving families.God in his grace will reward you through Prince MICAH.For he waters others will also be watered Amen 🙏
Abroad o....I talk to my 2y+, I do the african mama look that she now understands and I pray for her laying hands on her head and declare over her life...praying with her daily....i also do a little bum/diaper tap...I talk to my 16yrs American Nigerian god daughter alot...Raising good kids is by God's grace. Puberty hits different for every child...
Your daughter needs to vent if she is unhappy with certain situations. Spare time for her to socialise, pamper and spoil her by getting her new things. Befriend her, take some of your own ... to her. At other times we can be vulnerable with them. Do not be so strong, your weakness can break her.
When you relly on physical violence to train children, this is the result. She wasn't raised to do the right thing because it is right and good for her but because she would be beaten otherwise. Now, no beaten, so no reason to behave well.
She is struggling, I’m sure there maybe some bullying involved. As mentioned, the mother is working long hours. The daughter also is going through puberty. So, her attitude will change. The next door neighbour is evil.
Personally I feel she should hv a hearty conversation with the daughter and also find out what exactly she might be going through emotionally or otherwise or maybe she is not just happy with the whole relocation thing nd still trying to adjust to both the weather nd new friends might be overwhelming her. So she needs to talk things the with her nd just find out wat exactly is her problem and see if they would be a change or she can try bringing her more close to know why exactly she is flaming up over minor issues
This child needs love and listen ear respect you need to communicate with her and not only command and order and allow her to express herself this what works here try it and thank me later ❤
So complicated. Struggling mother, and a disatified daughters. Can you go for counselling, getting professional help. Head knowledge could be inadequate at this stage. Professional unbiased inputs will help. Cost, your family is worth much more.
Sending her away might end up being messy. Momma be patient with her and have a hearty chat with her. All d advice shared and what you added Asy makes sense.
Bringing her back won’t solve anytin rather it will create more hatred in her mind against her mom nd might even push her to start mingling with the bad sets of friends in boarding sch ,because i feel there is much that her parents can do ,every thing still boils down to her the mother
I totally agree with you. Right now, she needs her daughter back before she loses her totally. Much more, she should ask God for divine guidance on how to navigate this properly. Sending her to boarding school for now is a No No… Besides, the woman should find a way to check out of that neighborhood cos her family’s unsafe. The neighbor is nosy and can be a threat to her good parenting. Also, she can enroll her daughter in extra curricular activities like dance, swimming, taekwondo or stuffs like that. And be her friend cos she’s probably going through teen crisis.
My auntie sent my cousin back coz of this for 2 years told her when you feel like you can respect me you will come beck omo my cousin lent the hard way she only went back after 3 years she did change and has a good relationship with her mum sametimes it’s hard especially if you are trying as a parent… I have teenaged and sametimes they can be samething else but all I can say find a line to meet and make sure they still have respect and so do you as a parent talikg helps a lot.
That’s not true! I don’t think her case is that bad. She may be home sick. Also if she takes time to talk to her daughter, she may find out that she actually wants to go to boarding school. Which makes it an easier decision
As an avid follower, I understand and agree with a lot of the points you raised, except that you said the boy will join "Jamo Boys." This has a racist connotation and is a typical example of stereotyping. It's important to be aware that the words we use at home or in closed communities can be seen as offensive when spoken abroad or in wider society. Young people can be influenced by many different factors or people, not just Jamo.
Your daughter is going through a phase, you have to build a trusting relationship with her. Sending her away will not solve it. Try a different approach, ask her if she has problems in school, like bullying .
@@AsyDarlynVlogsThe best thing for any parent that wants to japa to do, is to first sit your children down and talk to them in naija. Show them real life situations where children reported their parents for scolding them and they ended up being taken by the government to Foster homes. Explain to them that even though beating Isn't allowed, you have the right to correct them when they are wrong for their own good. And tell them you still love them and want the best for them. Children need to be shown real life stories of the consequences of not listening to their parents abroad. The last option for me is to take her back to naija to grow up there if the problem still persists. She obviously has a lot of growing up to do. Sending her back is better than being arrested or being embarrassed on a daily basis by that child. She is obviously either mixing with bad friends already, or has some issues in school that she can't share yet. Treat her like a friend so she can be free to gist with you. That way you will know some of the things she faces in school. Anyhow, sit her down and talk with her. Best to do so at a park with snacks and all to avoid the nosy neighbour listening and forming biased conclusions.
I’m only at the start of the story but why is she “monitoring” or bathing her 12 year old daughter that has started her period? She might be trying to make sure she does bathe, but that will just build resentment and the daughter feel smothered with lack of respect for privacy. Many Nigerian parents will say which privacy in MY house that I gave birth to you etc, but it’s important to give breathing space. The daughter hiding used pads is a big symptom she does not feel she can talk to or trust her mother. I used to hate my mother knowing or asking me about my period when I was younger and would talk to everyone but her about it because I felt she was always lecturing me. I hope this lady finds a solution that works for her and her daughter. Also, her daughter not being aware that they are going to Nigeria or putting her in boarding school is a BAD idea. She should communicate with the girl or things will get worse.
This is not right to be bathing a 12 year old girl who is already going through puberty. She needs her privacy. My 7 year old is bathing herself with my supervision. Both mom and dad need to connect and build rapport with her.
I'm sorry but bathing a 12 year old is a no no! In my opinion... this mother needs to loosen her grip, before she loses her child forever. Sending her child to boarding school in Nigeria will simply communicate to the child that her mother prefers to outsource for solutions, rather than deal with it herself. This is such a sensitive time in her daughter's life... being a preteen/teenager is not easy. Remember we were once there too oooo! Please don't lose this girl because of Nigerian mentality! This woman will regret it if her daughter resents her forever.
Asy, I came to America at 13 years old. It was the most difficult thing. I went having everything, a driver taking me back and forth to school to taking public busses. The move destroyed my family and parents marraige that was already shaking. 💔. I never got to know my mother until I cane to the US. We didn't spend time like that back hone. It was very difficult especially dealing with my mom.
Here are a few thoughts
1. Migration is very disruptive socially and it illuminates what may have been living in the dark. If you didn’t have strong relationships with your kids before migrating, migration may break you
2. Asy, you’ve hit the nail on the head that most people miss in this debate. Middle class Africans tend to have helpers involved in childcare at home and find it challenging when they migrate abroad and suddenly they’re working full time and are primary carers of their kids. If you have PR, why not migrate with grandma? My daughter was born in 2014 and 3 months later grandma came and is still here with us
3. On the issue of beating your kids. The law (section 43 Criminal Code) allows parents to do so if it is reasonable. As a matter of law it is permissible however, the issue becomes what is reasonable. My experience has been that child protection orders against parents disproportionately affect Indigenous people and people from migrant backgrounds. That unfortunately the reality of how social workers and the legal system rely on racist stereotypes to target these groups. A lot of research has been done on this topic.
4. Regarding her co-worker and manager meeting here is a very handy tip. Kindly ask the manager if she can bring a lawyer to the meeting. Western society depends on you knowing and asserting your rights and migrants typically don’t know how to do both and become victims of targeting by the system.
5. Dropping your child in Nigeria will probably develop abandonment issues that will have lifelong impacts
6. Parents who migrate must do the work of building social circles for their kids. Join a church, join sport clubs, drama clubs, public speaking, music. I have father-daughter activities every week and there’s lots of free stuff you can do. The African model of the family is the extended family and in the west it’s the nuclear family. Therein lies the problem. The solution is to create an extended family for her in Canada and if possible make that family multiracial.
7. Private schools in Canada are an option some parents never consider. Because private schools are self selecting on income and academic ability it means kids are generally surrounded by kids from a similar background. And private schools have behavioural expectations and enforce disciplinary codes public schools can’t. It will cost you but is the price not worth it?
8. Finally, look outside the Nigerian community for ideas. For example, here in Australia, the Chinese community started migrating around 1870 so they have more than a century of experience living in Australia. Chinese-Australians are disproportionately represented in medicine, law, arts, engineering etc. We all live, work and parent in the same country yet they do so much more successfully than every group including white Australians.
PS. My daughter and I are glued by the hip. The boundary I have drawn is that she is not my best friend, she’s my daughter and that distinction creates room to discipline her if the need arises. Because we are so close , her biggest fear is disappointing me
Thank you, I gained a lot
I went to Nigerian navy sec school borokiri 😂😂😂
Asy! I feel like the comments you read and your analysis are perfect for the situation stated. I have no extra comments. Y'all have done a great job.
The first comment you read out has said it all. I give it 100% approval.
Good day ASY,listening and watching from New York.words are falling me to express my gratitude for the wisdom you impart to families who might be struggling with raising their kids in so called elite world.please keep up admonishing parents who may be lost in this and other areas.May God continue to bless you for the love and time you put in saving families.God in his grace will reward you through Prince MICAH.For he waters others will also be watered Amen 🙏
Abroad o....I talk to my 2y+, I do the african mama look that she now understands and I pray for her laying hands on her head and declare over her life...praying with her daily....i also do a little bum/diaper tap...I talk to my 16yrs American Nigerian god daughter alot...Raising good kids is by God's grace. Puberty hits different for every child...
Boarding school won’t help her but will make her worse. Let her be a day student.
True! Maybe a day student in a strict school for balance but board in her senior years for independence
Your daughter needs to vent if she is unhappy with certain situations. Spare time for her to socialise, pamper and spoil her by getting her new things. Befriend her, take some of your own ... to her. At other times we can be vulnerable with them. Do not be so strong, your weakness can break her.
Let both mother and father speak with one voice when it comes to your children.
When you relly on physical violence to train children, this is the result. She wasn't raised to do the right thing because it is right and good for her but because she would be beaten otherwise. Now, no beaten, so no reason to behave well.
Gentle parenting has produced worse
We need a balance
What do you think gentle parenting is all about @bernicehatsu3022
Yes. I agree with all you’ve said.
She is struggling, I’m sure there maybe some bullying involved. As mentioned, the mother is working long hours. The daughter also is going through puberty. So, her attitude will change. The next door neighbour is evil.
Omo! Parents need to realise even when we sacrifice sometimes the extra hours can’t compare to staying at home for an extra hour with one’s child
Personally I feel she should hv a hearty conversation with the daughter and also find out what exactly she might be going through emotionally or otherwise or maybe she is not just happy with the whole relocation thing nd still trying to adjust to both the weather nd new friends might be overwhelming her. So she needs to talk things the with her nd just find out wat exactly is her problem and see if they would be a change or she can try bringing her more close to know why exactly she is flaming up over minor issues
True!!! Especially because this movement is not easy mentally. Even adults feel it, how much more a soon to be teenager
Hearty conversation with a 12 years baby girl? You must be joking.
@@codeosagie I am curious to know what exactly is wrong with that?
This child needs love and listen ear respect you need to communicate with her and not only command and order and allow her to express herself this what works here try it and thank me later ❤
So complicated. Struggling mother, and a disatified daughters. Can you go for counselling, getting professional help. Head knowledge could be inadequate at this stage. Professional unbiased inputs will help. Cost, your family is worth much more.
Sending her away might end up being messy. Momma be patient with her and have a hearty chat with her. All d advice shared and what you added Asy makes sense.
I think her dad should be more involved
Fatherly love really helps girls find that attention they need at a young age
At this young age, they can easily be taken advantage of
Nigeria mom do too much too. She needs to also check herself Asa.
It’s more expensive to maintain teenagers in these countries
Make up, nails , braids 😂😂
Bringing her back won’t solve anytin rather it will create more hatred in her mind against her mom nd might even push her to start mingling with the bad sets of friends in boarding sch ,because i feel there is much that her parents can do ,every thing still boils down to her the mother
I totally agree with you. Right now, she needs her daughter back before she loses her totally. Much more, she should ask God for divine guidance on how to navigate this properly. Sending her to boarding school for now is a No No…
Besides, the woman should find a way to check out of that neighborhood cos her family’s unsafe. The neighbor is nosy and can be a threat to her good parenting.
Also, she can enroll her daughter in extra curricular activities like dance, swimming, taekwondo or stuffs like that. And be her friend cos she’s probably going through teen crisis.
Yes oo!! She is literally on a make or break path in her motherhood journey. May God grant her wisdom.
Omo! Nosy neighbor is a sign to pack out abeg😩
My auntie sent my cousin back coz of this for 2 years told her when you feel like you can respect me you will come beck omo my cousin lent the hard way she only went back after 3 years she did change and has a good relationship with her mum sametimes it’s hard especially if you are trying as a parent… I have teenaged and sametimes they can be samething else but all I can say find a line to meet and make sure they still have respect and so do you as a parent talikg helps a lot.
Send your girl home.
You better bring her to Borden School in Nigeria before it's too late. Some kids are not fit for abroad just like some women in Nigeria. 😅
That’s not true! I don’t think her case is that bad. She may be home sick. Also if she takes time to talk to her daughter, she may find out that she actually wants to go to boarding school. Which makes it an easier decision
As an avid follower, I understand and agree with a lot of the points you raised, except that you said the boy will join "Jamo Boys." This has a racist connotation and is a typical example of stereotyping. It's important to be aware that the words we use at home or in closed communities can be seen as offensive when spoken abroad or in wider society. Young people can be influenced by many different factors or people, not just Jamo.
Your daughter is going through a phase, you have to build a trusting relationship with her. Sending her away will not solve it.
Try a different approach, ask her if she has problems in school, like bullying .
Very true!! Most parents should talk to their kids more before japa sef
@@AsyDarlynVlogsThe best thing for any parent that wants to japa to do, is to first sit your children down and talk to them in naija. Show them real life situations where children reported their parents for scolding them and they ended up being taken by the government to Foster homes. Explain to them that even though beating Isn't allowed, you have the right to correct them when they are wrong for their own good. And tell them you still love them and want the best for them. Children need to be shown real life stories of the consequences of not listening to their parents abroad. The last option for me is to take her back to naija to grow up there if the problem still persists. She obviously has a lot of growing up to do. Sending her back is better than being arrested or being embarrassed on a daily basis by that child. She is obviously either mixing with bad friends already, or has some issues in school that she can't share yet. Treat her like a friend so she can be free to gist with you. That way you will know some of the things she faces in school. Anyhow, sit her down and talk with her. Best to do so at a park with snacks and all to avoid the nosy neighbour listening and forming biased conclusions.
I’m only at the start of the story but why is she “monitoring” or bathing her 12 year old daughter that has started her period? She might be trying to make sure she does bathe, but that will just build resentment and the daughter feel smothered with lack of respect for privacy. Many Nigerian parents will say which privacy in MY house that I gave birth to you etc, but it’s important to give breathing space. The daughter hiding used pads is a big symptom she does not feel she can talk to or trust her mother. I used to hate my mother knowing or asking me about my period when I was younger and would talk to everyone but her about it because I felt she was always lecturing me. I hope this lady finds a solution that works for her and her daughter.
Also, her daughter not being aware that they are going to Nigeria or putting her in boarding school is a BAD idea. She should communicate with the girl or things will get worse.
I bathed myself by 6 years so having my mother bathe me at 12 would greatly bother me
This is not right to be bathing a 12 year old girl who is already going through puberty. She needs her privacy. My 7 year old is bathing herself with my supervision.
Both mom and dad need to connect and build rapport with her.
Maybe at 12, she still doesn’t know how to bath or doesn’t want to bath
I'm sorry but bathing a 12 year old is a no no! In my opinion... this mother needs to loosen her grip, before she loses her child forever.
Sending her child to boarding school in Nigeria will simply communicate to the child that her mother prefers to outsource for solutions, rather than deal with it herself. This is such a sensitive time in her daughter's life... being a preteen/teenager is not easy. Remember we were once there too oooo! Please don't lose this girl because of Nigerian mentality! This woman will regret it if her daughter resents her forever.
Asy, I came to America at 13 years old. It was the most difficult thing. I went having everything, a driver taking me back and forth to school to taking public busses. The move destroyed my family and parents marraige that was already shaking. 💔. I never got to know my mother until I cane to the US. We didn't spend time like that back hone. It was very difficult especially dealing with my mom.