Washed Up or Just Getting Started? : Where I'm at in my Autism Journey
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- čas přidán 14. 07. 2022
- Hi! I’m Claire, and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here you will find the awkward ramblings of an adult autist. I love being creative and sharing my experiences with you. Subscribe to see more DIYs, Discussions, and Bunnies on your feed!
I am working on my new life as a diagnosed ASD person. The process has been exhausting but rewarding.
Check out Mom on the Spectrums Resource "Meltdown Survival Guide" here: taylorheaton.gumroad.com/
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Email me, I'd love to hear from you: woodshedtheory@gmail.com
Instagram: @woodshed_theory
FACEBOOK: / woodshedtheory
All the music and sounds in my videos are from epidemicsound.com
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I love the intimate, authentic nature of your porch coffees. No, definitely NOT washed up, but warming up! Keep it coming, keep showing up. You bless others when you do. Much love, Sara
Thanks for the comment Saraa you are too sweet. You are always welcome on my porch!
Claire, you are doing an amazing job! Diagnosis or no diagnosis, it’s TOTALLY FINE to be completely changing the course of your career! You are young in your 30’s and have soooo much time ahead of you. We live in a miraculous time that gives us access to so many outlets for change. You can do this! ❤️
Hi Shannon you are so sweet thank you for the kind words.
I am self-diagnosed since 53, a bit more than a year ago. In 15y years from retirement. I have thoughts of taking a new track, but it’s so overwhelming. I will continue on this path until retirement. Then I’ll start something new. Hang in there and keep it up girl, you got this whole life thing.
You got this Todd!
I got my diagnosis last year just days before we moved our family from MT to PA so I definitely felt like my life was starting over. It's only been a year since my diagnosis but there has been so much change for the good. I was working 40 hrs/week and now I'm stay at home mom. That has been really helpful and I feel much in control of my life and less stressed. Really glad you feel better about your life's direction too! Have a great weekend Claire and friends!
PS: Everytime we come home from an outing Alice wants to hit the doorbell and sings "Ring the bell!" 🤣
😂
Thanks for sharing your story with us Whitney!
I was late diagnosed as well. While everything that has happened in my life makes so much sense now, I still struggle with being “ me”. I have a great support system( husband an two kids) so I feel good about the future. I make mistakes but they are so understanding and I pick myself up and move forward again. I do feel more peaceful now that I know why I’m so different but I’m still figuring out how that different works and how I want my future to actually look so I guess I’m in a reboot right now.
It sounds like we are in this one together! I hope we can continue to support one another.
Hi Claire, I have started over multiple times (including two years ago at age 42, before I was diagnosed). Starting new things is hard. Finding the right path for yourself is so hard that most people don’t bother and just resign themselves to a level of persistent background misery. Any time you start something new, you’ll have these kinds of doubts. Beginnings are possibilities. Beginnings are only clearly perceivable in hindsight. You have to keep going for something to be a beginning. I’ve been stuck plenty of times and felt washed-up and then eventually I become unstuck and do something different and then it’s clear I was just in the beginning -- or sometimes in the middle. Middles are also hard. But the point is you only see them in the rearview mirror. You’re only washed up if you die at an inconvenient time, and then your life is just tragically cut short. I recommend keeping a really ambitious to-do list in an easily findable place so that any survivors would find it and lament all your lost potential. Okay, now I’m off the rails. Thank you for sharing. I liked your video and am rooting for you. The kittens are the best.
The part about the to do list made me laugh out loud. Great tip 😂
You both are too sweet thank you for your kind words.
I took a bunch of psychology classes in college and failed to diagnose myself. My running theory was personality disorder, but I didn't really match any of the categories. It took a medical doctor 2 minutes to unofficially diagnose my brother, which is when I finally read up on Asperger's in more detail. My classes all glossed over the Autism spectrum. It was that thing where you sit in a corner and rock and don't acknowledge people. I find that anecdotal stories and videos offer a much better explanation for autism spectrum than a ridiculously expensive textbook.
My reaction to this self-diagnosis was "Oh, that's what it is. Good to know. Moving on..." I was 25 at that point. I had a pretty good idea of how I functioned, what my limitations were, and how to manipulate myself to function better in society. I was working full time and going to school full time so I was making it work for me. The diagnosis made me feel better about not choosing psychology for a career (blind leading the blind). I also felt better about the things I couldn't change about myself, like getting along with people poorly. It definitely wasn't a reset for me, more a validation for the path I was already on.
Claire, you're learning and practicing all kinds of skills: public speaking, videography, video editing, website building, running a social media platform... You're about 2 steps away from being a White House press secretary. Keep at it if you're having fun or if you feel Woodshed Theory can be what you want it to be. Even if it totally bombs it's not a dead end or a waste of time, it's a bump in a road that can branch off in many different directions.
hey friend thanks for always showing up for me! you always make me laugh and encourage me. I would say that the country isn't ready for a WH Press Secretary like me, but after the last administration I would say, why not? lol
You’re just getting started Claire. Honestly, this is a topic for another video - career after late diagnosis. If you ever need someone to bounce ideas off I’m here.
Thanks Orion you're the best!
@@WoodshedTheory anytime!
For me a legal diagnosis would be a blessing for a fresh start. But bureaucracy still keeps me far away from it.
I'm so sorry Pass, I hope things can change for the better.
+WoodshedTheory *Being diagnosed at a time when the State of California (USA) was at the foot o' the learning curve for setting up an education system for the neurodivergent, I's autistic for as far back as I **_can_** remember.*
Do you find that was a positive experience for you?
@@WoodshedTheory Jury's still out. I ran across an attachment quiz via the Personal Development School channel, and the results put me at equal parts dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and anxious preoccupied. Having trouble finding training vids on the UCLA CART channel.
I think in some ways I feel like I have started over but in others ways things are still the same. I think the biggest difference is that I make the accommodations needed for myself and no longer do things because of other people’s expectations. That part has been really freeing.
Agreed, I also feel a lot more free
This video resonated with me. At 50, my question is slightly different: "Washed Up or Reinventing Myself?" That is why I am studying data analytics. I hope I will be able to find a new job when I am done but I do worry that this will be a drain of time and money (I have a paralegal certificate from an ABA approved post-graduate program but it never helped me find work. Similarly, the real estate appraisal program I took in the 1990s never resulted in employment. As an economics major from a UC school I would have thought I would have done better). At this point I confess I do feel like the coach of a football team in need of a Hail Mary pass late in the 4th quarter of a game. In reality there is no other choice but to keep trying because the alternative is worse.
Hi Michael, I actually believe data analytics is a great road for ASD people as it includes all the things we love. I hope this goes well for you.
I am in process of starting over @41 so I'll have to let you know how that goes. The diagnosis happened in the middle of this process, talk about things I could have found useful at the last start over. The hardest part for me is getting a good plan with actual possibilities and then building the momentum to start to succeed while everything is piling on in the midst of the last failure or setback. Especially when present circumstances prohibit previously available options for short term relief, like a back injury permanently restricting certain movements and limiting lift capacities and barring you from working many short term or quickly attainable jobs to just get on your feet. So, I get at least part of your situation. I dislike the one liners, but all I can offer is a hang in there...
As for the website and e-commerce stuff, I can offer some suggestions and information that will be of limited help. Amazon offers a merch on demand service that might help if you can get in on it. I would suggest looking into it for the hats / mugs / shirts kind of thing. There is also etsy. You can link an etsy store to a printify account to do some print on demand stuff and you could also sell some dr who scarves, bunny sweaters, or knit cephalopods there. If it were me I'd try to do an amazon merch or print on demand thing for the items you can't make yourself. They have better exposure, and they take the risk with digital payments, security breaches, and credit card and payment compliance. The etsy would be good also for those things you do make yourself but they still get the risks with payments and breaches. You can put product images, information, and pages on your website and link to amazon, etsy, or any other shop you might have for the actual sale to keep your technical investment low for the e-commerce parts. This is not me trying to pressure you into doing anything this way, to be clear. There can be a lot that goes into PCI Compliance, figuring out payment gateways, making sure to accept all the cards and payment options. It is not something you want to jump into as a beginner going full dive. The best options when starting are to either hire people (a company or consultant) to make an e-commerce compliant website, or take advantage of options like I listed above. When you are as small a startup as you are, the sky is the limit, but the shoestring is the budget. It is usually much easier and less stressful to take advantage of the big boys, knowing that you'll make a little less for each product sold, and let someone else deal the the aspirin and headaches.
It is usually better to save some of the larger risks for after you have built your brand into a juggernaut and can afford to to hire the people you need to get a bigger slice of the pie. The best initial investment is to sell the brand, then let the brand sell the product. Where brands go bad is when they have been built on some interpretation of quality or purpose, then change focus and lose quality. Keep the brand on point, whatever that point is, and don't let the brand change focus. A brand can widen or narrow focus when handled carefully at a later date, but do not just change focus, it loses the base already built. It all comes back to the motivation and plan, and what are we autistics but plan driven and detail oriented people!
You've got this, and to what ever degree we can, we've got you!
Hi Todd, thanks for always coming back to cheer me on! I think all of this was great advice thank you.
My dx was just last year, age 47. I often need to re-boot my life, reassess. It's hard.
Hi Julie I totally get it, I guess it's a process for all of is.
I am so grateful for your new start, because it is so helpful and inspiring for mine. The turmoil of a big change can make us feel lost sometimes, but while it is destroying the old, it is also creating something exciting and new. You are amazing and strong! And you are doing it.
Hi Stevie, I needed to hear this today, so I thank you.
You got this!,just move forward at your own pace!
So true, thanks for being here for me :)
@@WoodshedTheory 👍
You are doing a good job! You, all of us, need to do a job/career that we like to do. Starting over is always hard and scary! You've got this! Your kittens are doing so well! I enjoy watching and hearing them! Take care and stay safe!
Hi Laurajo, the kittens are napping next to me as I respond to comments :)
Hey Mrs. Woodshed :).
I wanted to reach out to you in this comment, cause I wanted to tell you something really. This is my perception of what I realize when I watch your videos, so it doesn't have to mean anything to you, but it is what I do feel when I watch it and I'm just honest about it.
I watch your videos from time to time and I realized, that you're stuck in your head.
I was the same in former times, specially when I've got my late diagnosis a bit ago.
I tried to do just something. I always felt super stupid and frustrated, because I felt like I'm not where I should be. I was in a horrible relationship, in a stupid job, tried for years to study - somehow it didn't work out. I even did drugs, because I was so frustrated with my life.
Then at one evening I closed the office after 13 hours of work and I was so extremely frustrated, that I was caring for this job when not even the manager cared in the way I did. I made the best results as a supervisor - people from big companies like banks and consulting companies, which called me on the phone for something even told me, that I should reach out, because they could use someone like me. And in this moment when I closed this door I completely got furious. It was super late, nobody was there anymore, so I shouted and screamed around. And after a time I realized, that I was screaming, I screamed: what the fuck do you want? Tell me you mthrfckr, tell me what the fuck you want?
And I stood still finally, after I threw around my stuff in front of the office. And I actually answered myself and I said what I wanted. I wanted to be happy, smile everyday, be an extraordinary learner, I want to get internships in the biggest and best companies. I want to do work in fundsmanagement, because I want to see, which companies are crap and to clean the market from them - I want to be the reason people laugh and smile, think about theirselfs and see, that they can do whatever they want to do. I want to be friendly, helpful, open minded, caring, honest and I want to be myself! I want to have good relationships, good friendships, I want to be the one, which intelligent and beautiful ladies feel attracted to, I want to be charming, but never hurt anybody. I want to enjoy my life, I want joy for everyone, that is around me - because I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die sooner or later. I checked the average living time. It's about 28k days. I've already a little over 10k. I've 18k days left.
That same day I quit. I just did it. Because I finally answered my question. I knew what I wanted.
I didn't know what to do. I really didn't know. So I just applied at the biggest banks in Luxembourg and just told nothing in my LoM, but that I like to be present and that I like to surround my people, which don't judge on a personal level, cause I see it senseless. I wrote just about who I am and that I do mistakes, but that I always want for myself the best outcome, because I want it every minute I'm there to be joyful. I continued with, that I like to work hard, because I know now what for and that when I work hard, I don't even work hard, because that's just who I am.
I sent it at 11:23pm. I sent applications until 4am. I somehow got up at 8am. And I've received 3 answers with an invitation for a call the next day.
I was freaking out. I stopped thinking and just made all the calls.
The next week all of them told me, that they want me. I'm studying, but I don't even have any tests after 4 semesters. I've nothing more or less and I was honest about it. I mean I learned it all, but I was believing, that I can't make the exams, because I always got bad grades. I believed, that I can't win, just because I believed it. The next week I got a "yes" from all companies.
I went out on the weekend alone, because I thought: I don't care if I have friends or not, I want to have a good time. I don't give a sh*t. I went out and I just gave a sh*t.
Somehow I found myself in a group of English speaking guys from all over the world and we laughed like in the series friends, it was absolutely real. We all enjoyed ourselfs. Then attractive girls started to talk with me out of nothing. I was super confused and was like "wow, she looks a model, what the heck do I say?" and in the next moment I just gave a sh*t about it and didn't answer her. So she looked at me confused and I just didn't think and it just flew out of me, that I said: "sorry, but you look so beatiful, that I first needed to adjust myself, that now I'm talking to a really pretty girl - what did you say?" and I just laughed, because it was the truth. It worked, we've had a really nice conversation and she joined us. I just stopped to think and it all worked. These guys, that I was with were fundbrokers in Luxembourg (because lux isn't far from where I'm living) and I just asked the biggest one, if they have something to offer for me. And he said tipsy: "indeed. We're looking for an intern." and after the whole night was over and we danced, went home with a cab, that nobody could pay, cause the card reading machine was defect, I got a message from this guy and I've got the internship before the internship, that I got anyhow due to the applications.
I made a LinkedIn profile and searched for the guys. And this guy, that I talked to like he's my best friend and we shared deep and interesting, but as well super funny life insights, was the vice president of a large company.
I was just laughing like shit.
So, what I want to say is: you just have to not give a shit. You are autistic, you're whatever. It's just a model in your head. Don't stick to it. Go and be the person you really are.
Nowadays I just talk to people, when I want to know something. Today I saw a strange tattoo on the arm of someone in the line in front of me and I just asked him: what the heck is that and laughed. And he explained me, that this is a sign of protection for policemen. And I was like: oh, wow you're at the police. Thank you, man. For you guys it is, that the world is getting better. And the guy looked like a smiley. We talked a bit in front of the store and he just invited me over at the weekend to a "police grill party" - I said of course hell yeah, I never was at a police grill party.
It is a new way of living. I promise you. Don't hold yourself back. Think of the days left. And you'll feel an energy streaming into you, which you just remember from when you were 2 or 3.
Wish you the best! I'm excited about your way! I really want to see you successful. You're worth it!
Hello Friend, you are so correct, I do get stuck in my own head. I def use the videos to talk myself through it. I really appreciate your perspective and am glad you shared. I do need to just give up some of the caring and move forward.
@@WoodshedTheory love you ❤️ go for it!!! Feel free to connect, who knows if we can spread some confidence out in the world. If you feel comfortable with it, just give me a sign. Long ago, that I visited the UK. Last time 2013 at the age of 20.
Edit: btw police party was super funny. I didn't know how funny the police can be. We played in the end cops and robbers and the oldest guy anticipating was 65. He got them all.
So, now I'm in my 50's with a recent ASD dx, you mean I can brush off my first ambition - to be an astronaut! Yay! 😅
Seriously though, have been off from work for almost a year due to mental health issues and got my dx as part of this. Still working on coming to terms with that, but worry constantly about where the money is going to come from, the assessment wasn't cheap. I don't think I'll be able to return to previous employment - it was that which tipped me over the edge along with the changes caused by pandemic. Don't know what I'll do - but have to get "comfortable" leaving the house first before getting onto future employment.
I am glad that you decided to start your own channel, and grateful that I found it and its growing community. You have certainly helped me and so many others, I am sure.
And you never have to apologise for the Kittens being kittens, that is just they way they roll and they always bring a smile to my face, whatever my mood.
Hi Smoo, I am in the same boat job-wise. I am just going to keep pressing forward with my current career goals cause I don't know what else I would do. I don't think it would be wise to go back to my last career as it really wore me down. I am glad we can all work through this together. I worry about money as well you are not alone.
I would add: This time, after diagnosis, don't rush, and don't push whatever you're trying to build, just go at your the most natural pace, so it happens itself, after you set it in motion.
I had to 'reorient my trajectory' yet again, after my life fell into pieces, shattered, followed by burnout. Diagnosis came a bit late, by few months, to give me a chance to prevent it. Though no regrets, we learn from our mistakes. Except, after something like 4 years it took me to recover, I'm in my middle fourties niow, But the most scary is always the first time, I lost track how many reorientations and movings to a new location I had gone through in my life. countless flats, 4 cities, 3 countries, each with different language.
Now the time has come to plan a future for myself alone, and financial complications no longer matter, so my new 6 year plan is to work part-time, and study part-time at open university, something I was always fixating about a lot, in many forms, I mean math, with a bit of philosophy, after all they can only go together. Like a hen and an egg. LOL
Good luck with yours. Just maintain balance, and it will be all right.
Lovely kittens.
I understand - it’s hard to figure out where to land when you’ve been floating so long
I’ve changed careers several times before diagnosis. I was told recently that makes for a very workable resume for recruiters. I have work experience in a lot of different fields. I’ve held management function’s, worked in the medical field but also in catering. It’s a good thing autistics can pick up new stuff quickly.
After the diagnosis I’m trying to bring stability I want to make enough money to be able to pay bills and have some extra left to do some fun stuff. I’ve worked jobs that payed really well but money isn’t everything. Those jobs also made me work 50+ hours and I’m not sure that was worth it.
yeah figuring out a lifestyle that works for me and also produces income has been very difficult but i am glad i am able to pursue something healthy
A bonus porch coffee - Yay (I saw that mug!)
My instant AuDHD train of thought on seeing the title (not watching) was - you only know where you are on a journey if you know the start point & the end point & pos the planned route between the two. As none of us knows the end point (well that's death really isn't it & we don't know when that'll be) & you can pick any start point - is a life a journey? (By start point here I mean, could be when you're DXed or it could be when you're born - we've all been autistic/ADHD all a long & not known it until DX have we not.)
Then I went all existential & now can't remember it other than it was sort of off topic & rather long. Anyway I stand by - is life really a journey or more like just wandering about trying to figure out where you are?
I had always looked on life as something to get to the end of (as in preset life 'expectancy') without dying 'prematurely'. A bit like a video game & getting to the end or end of a level. Can't say that's changed much - it's good logic as far as I'm concerned.
For me DXing was liberating & also right on the heels of bereavement* so everything before just doesn't seem like it was my life. I'm getting more & more unapologetic about being me now & liking it.
* Can you believe bloody spell check couldn't do 'berievement' into 'bereavement' ! I only got one bloody letter wrong ! All it would give was 'aggrievement'. Jeeezzzz.
edit: I almost forgot to mention - you've not been consistently doing the wavy hand on 'ring the bell' lately. Having got to like it (having been annoyed by it) it's annoying again. Just sayin'.
well things have been busy here so I'm glad you like porch coffees because they may be the norm for a bit lol. ps. I added the hand wave back in for you lol.
@@WoodshedTheory Yeah I figured that was the case. It did make me smile.
Exactly, there is very little we can do to change the course of any events, no matter how much effort we apply, so why not use it elsewhere? on something fun, for example..
Just set the course towards the destination, whetever and whenever it might be, and just maintain pace, don't let events influence it.
Money is an illusion, events matter, but only as data collected in experiences, to help draw better conclusions in a future.
It is the journey, that matters, and how we go about it. Hope is a construct you can create to be able to move forward, towards your destination. Who cares if it's foolish, or unwarranted, those are not autistic concepts.. To us it is a means to an end.
I am 46 and still waiting for my autism assessment, which will take place later this year. And I am thinking my diagnosis is going to be the key to a new life, including the ability to have a good job. I don't know if I'm putting too much pressure on the diagnosis to help me with this... But my employment history is pretty terrible. I have two Bachelor's degrees but all I've had is a lot of truly crap jobs that I always ended up abandoning in a state of burnout. Thankfully, I've only been fired once. Anyway I've been carrying a lot of guilt over my inability to keep a job so I guess that's why I'm looking forward to the possibility of getting accommodations that will help me in that area. What was the question? Oh, right, yes, I think a diagnosis can be a new beginning. At least, that's what I'm hoping for, for myself.
Hi SueAnne, thank you for sharing. Your experience sounds like a common one in our community. I have been trying myself to figure out what the right job looks like for me. I know that is a big reason why I wanted an official diagnosis because it would mean a big pivot for me. We are here for you during this time of uncertainty
@@WoodshedTheory 😊
Hey Claire! Cats!
Gerry! The cats are napping next to me right this second!
Yay!
yayyyyyyyyyyyy
Hi Claire! Great video! I feel like I'm right in the middle of all that you talked about here. I self diagnosed last August (2022 at age 39)(I just turned 40!) when I stumbled across one of Orion's videos. But right now, I feel like I'm just now starting to actually see patterns and allow myself to be more of myself WITH myself! Can a person mask themselves from themselves?! Haha I feel like I have my whole life. I really love watching your vids and interacting when I can. I've been working traditional jobs by whole life and just now getting to thr pint where I feel deeply that I just can't keep going down that path, yet I'm single by choice and have to make a living! It's tough sometimes but I've always enjoyed working! In the process of learning skills I can use to work from home and make a living too because I really just want to be happy, mentally healthy and spend time with my cats while keeping my adult responsibilities together! Super enjoy our community, great work Claire! You are killing it, showing up 3 times a week! Truly inspiring for us all!
Thank you Carla for being here!
@@WoodshedTheory 💞 your welcome! I'm glad to be here!
Change is so hard, right? My life is a lot better since I retired, but it's so hard because it's different and I have to figure out how to make my schedule work and get things done and still have fun... How do we figure this out? Change is hard. I think you're just getting started, too.
Thanks Cathy you are too sweet.
💌
Hello!
Hiiiiii
Hi girly