What I struggle with (as an AUTISTIC adult)
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- In this video I talk about the things I struggle with on an everyday basis as an autistic adult. Even though I may look like I'm coping on the outside, my inner world is rich with noise and difficulty sometimes.
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Does anyone else constantly get told you are not trying hard enough when you know you are trying your hardest? 😔💔
Oh yes. Every argument my ex husband would be like "YOU ARE JUST NOT GETTING IT" and I'm like... well no, I'm trying but I'm clearly not!
Sadly, yes, and it was the worst thing because it was from an old friend and trusted colleague. It was many years ago, previous to my assessment for Asperger's, so neither of us knew. That still burns. Given what I know now, I could have explained properly and he would have taken it all in and compromised. He was a kind and generous soul and thought that he was saying something that would spur me on to doing better. Of course it made me feel ten times worse to be told that you're "letting the side down", when it was stressing me out trying to keep everything together.
Learning massage and particularly the form called manual lymphatic drainage. I'm a bit dyspraxic and have difficulty translating what I see into what I do. The teacher couldn't see that I was trying SO HARD to do it that I was in tears.
ALL THE TIME
My ex would tell me all the time how I would embarrass him in public with the fear and anxiety I would display in places like grocery stores. Which made it worse because the next time we would go out I would just be thinking about how I'm embarrassing and be even more avoidant and awkward.
I’m in tears. I am 35 years old and just now realizing that I am autistic. It’s just so overwhelming to know that all these things I’ve struggled with my entire life are because of autism and not because I’m weird or shy or lazy.
We love you stay safe
We love you stay safe
I’m feeling that way too. I feel so let down because the signs where always there. An early diagnosis in life would have been a game changer.
How could it have been a game changer? Im 22 who's recently discovered i have autism. im struggling immensely with school, socializing, and life on the whole. Any tips would be awesome.
@@anonpsude281 I’m 47 trust me when I say having a diagnosis early in life would have at least answered some glaringly obvious things about why I don’t fit in and it would have made a huge difference in the relationships I have with people that do love me.
Are you telling me not everyone has a constant internal monologue?!
Apparently not!
Wait what? Are you sure?
ahaha I do this too. It drives me nuts
@@TheKarroca i inner monologue a LOT!!!! LOL
RIGHT? I am baffled by this. Also, does anyone else always have a song/word/phrase stuck in their head? Even while I am typing this and thinking about what I am trying to communicate I can "hear" it.
Self-blame has been the bane of my existence!
I was bullied in middle school, and now I have trouble believing that I'm not stupid
I blame myself and others.
You SHOULD feel guilty.
Michael John Dennis I would like your comment more than once if I could, fuck, it sucks sometimes
I was in a car accident earlier this month. Someone rear-ended me. I found myself apologizing to my boss for missing a day of work because of it, and she said you're apologizing for something you had absolutely no control over happening? I didn't say it, but I thought, well yes because I'm to blame for everything all the time, right?
1. Sensory issues 1:06
2. Loud/confusing social stuff 5:10
3. Executive function 7:00
4. Small talk 10:30
5. Internal monologue 13:02
Thank you so much for this!
📌
Can relate to it all.
Those are introvert traits......
@@Yellow.Blossom23 no they are not. someone who is just an introvert may relate to a few traits here or there, but they will never fully understand what it’s like to be autistic.
Does anyone else have really bad, unpredictable mood swings? I'm oversensitive about everything.
Yes I do
Good to know i'm not alone
I thought it was due to bipolar disorder but I'm increasingly doubting it.
I would not call them mood SWINGS..I would call them reactions to the evil and mean things people do to you.
Same here.
I can't stand small talk. I'm very direct & end up saying things like "summarize" or "and the point is". lol
Germans are like that from what I've heard.
First if someone has a point to make or tells something that can be summarized. It's not small talk. So u say u can't stand small talk but demand it, by stating hey i do want talking but not really listen so plz keep it simple. isn't that Small Talk, Conversation whitout thinking?
I feel you, comrade, but that can probably be a bit off putting. Maybe try asking “so are you saying.....” if you want people to get to the point.
But that’s only if it’s people who you care about what they think of you. Otherwise it doesn’t matter.
I love that.
Shopping can be a real nightmare. Especially when they reorganise parts of the store. They have no idea how confusing and upsetting it can be for me. I have my strategy plan how to walk through to get out again as quickly as possible because the beeping, crying babies, loud children, announcements and people standing in the way drive me and hubby absolutely crazy and then I have to search for stuff because they moved it.
It is 💯% torture. Can’t do it. Hate it. It is why I have 7 black tank tops, 7 pairs of grey or black yoga pants, 2 prs black shoes, 5 rotating long sleeve shirts to wear over the tank. I’ve curated 6 other outfits for various dress up situations that are ready to go at anytime hanging in closet. Replacement pieces are ordered online. Efffffff trying to shop! Everytime I try I last ten minutes max and then flee.
@@karenabrams8986 I've been 'The Man In Black' for many, many years. Einstein called it "the avoidance of optional paralysis".
Same! I stick to only a couple of stores and count my energy, mood and time of day for people traffic for each one
@@Ky-xh8zq Crowded up supermarket aisles. I will try to avoid them and rather will get what I want from another and come back when it's empty. Unfortunately, I have come away having forgot the item from the crowded aisle.
I usually try to go grocery shopping early in the day because it's less crowded and it's easier for me to go in and get what I need because I have a physical disability and it saps my energy when I do have to go to grocery store in the afternoon or weekends when it's packed and I have to maneuver my whèelchair around someone's else's cart that's in the asile. So my advice is that if you shop at a particular store, find out when their least busiest time is and go during that time if you can.
"There are times when my internal monologue is louder than the voices around me."
I tried to say this to a therapist once but ended up sounding like I was having auditory hallucinations and had to backtrack because I knew that wasn't happening...
The more videos of yours I empathize with, the more I think my ADHD diagnosis wasn't quite right....
I am in the same boat.
I feel ya. I made the mistake of describing my inner monologue as "a voice in my head", I've been treated for schizohrenia for 8,5 years.
An illness I definitely don't have.
@@Orrphoiz
If your still under meditation get off of it and never c a doctor again. Sometimes they just want an excuse to make money but they twist that excuse into a reason.
@@saracole4411 Thanks, I've already weaned myself off in a grueling process. I took my last dose 8 months ago.
@@Orrphoiz
I am so very happy to hear that : ) being under medication can be traumatic sometimes. A lot of people don't understand disorders even if they are trained for it unfortunately. Disorders can be helped naturally because they are a natural part of the body in some cases. Love concurs depression. Jinger manages anxiety, strict boundary's lessen autistic meltdowns and being able to be around similar people helps a lot. Channeling ADHD is vital otherwise it causes a lot of anxiety, some people have more energy then others. If I haven't covered a disorder topic and you would like me to just name it and let me know. I love helping people and find research fascinating.
I thought everybody had a monologue going on in their head. I always wondered how people didn't get exhausted listening to others, including at school. I don't sleep well because of the constant thinking going on.
Hyperlexia as a child was part of me. I read early and I still read for pleasure and research, but it gives me overload. Everything has words on it. All packaging, mugs, clocks... everything. And I read it all. So tiring. I find I have a word in my head and I don't know where I saw it, but it's there wanting my attention!
Me too.
Yep
Jackie Claverton
The problem that I have is ......that I have 3 or more words meaning the same.....and they all want to come out at the same time!!
My brother has the same thing. He just has to read everything, the whole thing. Try getting through a museum with him... :)
I am the same and didn’t realize until I went on a trip to China and when I came back I realized I hadn’t been constantly reading everything for four weeks! I miss it.
I can't even begin to explain how comforting it is to hear other adults talk about struggling with executive function. Thank you, Sam, and y'all in the comments, for making me feel less alone.
My strategy for doing housework: Like most people, when I feel like it. My strategy for handling small talk. Wrap it up after 2 minutes and walk away.
Do you ever feel like it? 😅
Thank you!
My mother even told me, talk about yourself for only a minute, or 3 sentences. NO ONE REALLY CARES and you are infringing on their patience. Mostly, when I listen to other's small talk, I try to analyze their status accd to the DSM. I have Avoidant PD obviously, but I figure then out. IMO most people are horribly narcissistic.
I once got yelled at work for not listening raptly as a co-worker explained stitch by stitch how she made her own house curtains. I was reading the Bio of Led Zeppelin and preferred that. WHO ON EARTH thinks they have led a more interesting life than Led Zeppelin?? Obviously, the NARCISSISTS that I work with.
@@seh2850 I noticed that conversations flow super easy as long as you just keep asking questions that would be of value to that person. You just gotta keep affirming them "oh that sounds really awesome :D tell me more, don't leave anything out"
And I also noticed asking controversial questions or saying controversial things related to relationships (What would you do if you found out your friend cheated on her boyfriend?) etc.
They seem to love this type of topics and could go on for hours... its crazy.
I’m loving your videos. I’m feeling understood and less alone.
Thank you, I am glad they are helping you x
i feel the same, especially as a UK female of the same age x
It’s comforting
Same
Lights, loud sudden noises, loud talkers, the fact I cannot separate 3 conversation happening in the same room to focus on the person talking to me. Making the correct amount of eye contact. I was told once before I make the person uneasy because the eye contact I was giving was way to much. People drain me having to figure out all these social rules etc. I could go on for awhile about what affects me and bothers me.
Xenedraa Bourque you know what, I don’t give a shit now. I’m an empath, but I burn so fast I don’t go near people. Work is bad enough so I stay home
I hate supermarket tannoy systems!!
I hate having to wear sunglasses every time it gets sunny from January- December. My eyes force themselves shut when exposed to direct sunlight. I take cloudy/ rainy days for granted because of this.
@@lovelydolltime8006 I hate not being able to draw and paint outside on anything but really cloudy days. I can't focus on anything except being blinded by the paper. I've even tinted the paper and there's still a problem. It's still comes on too bright. Sunglasses no good. I've always had this problem but, in middle age, I'm sure that it's got worse.
@@janesanders3330 I'm also an empath I burn out so easily I actually need days of space from people sometimes including my friends and loved ones
I am bothered by the noise people make when chewing.
Thomas Herbert If chewing noises send you into a sudden rage, it could be misophonia. For me it’s chewing noises and people cracking their joints. I want to end either them or myself or both.
When I was younger my brother and I would eat breakfast together before school and he would always slurp his cereal milk and it literally INFURIATED me. The sound just was so offensive I couldn't bear it lol.
When my dog licks herself I have to go into the other room. Insta-panic attack. Never liked finger snapping either. Hate people whispering behind my ear.
I want to scream..it'sc alled misophonia
OMG yes
I havent been diagnosed with Autism, but I see myself in you 100%
Me too! I struggle with the same things, maybe not on the same level, but I do
@@tatikungfu I am looking to get an assessment but I don't know if it will be worth it. X
Same here.
@@jadehoward9865 Hi Jade, i went to my doctor over a year ago , she had little or no idea what to do , i rang the surgery two months later and complained , i have nothing since ,
to be honest it's as clear to me as the nose on my face , i am an Aspie no question , we are all intelligent enough to asses ourselves once we have been given the trigger ie
the knowledge that our behaviour throughout out lives is due to a "condition" we are what we are , smart slightly quirky outside the box kinda people , embrace it , it has benefits to!
Me too
As a kid, I had to cut all the tags out of my shirts.
I still do it because it annoys me so much. I'm 23.
Are you diagnosed?
No
I still do this with all my clothing
@@infjinsights8074 Another Asperger's INFJ here. Yup. Really hate tags on clothing. All removed as soon as bought.
I really sympathize with the alcohol thing - I am suddenly able to interact and be witty and charming and if I miss something or get angry or say something weird we can just blame it on the alcohol.
Absolutely. However this coping method for social interaction did turn me into an alcoholic for nearly a decade so I wouldn't it recommend it.
I won't recommend it either. I was an alcoholic because of it. Sober for 14 years now. I rather be awkward than having a damaged liver and look old.
It's good if everyone else is drunk too because then everyone laughs and you can too. I laugh anyway but it's nice when everyone else laughs too. It's also pretty awesome to ask drunk people philosophical questions. People have some pretty profound answers when they are absolutely smashed on alcohol.
my problem is different in that I successfully used alcohol as a social crutch for over a decade but now that i am approaching middle agedness it gives me a downer effect. I am just now learning all of this and have unfortunately lost some friends in the process because of that combined with alexithymia. I think i am starting to realize that when I am confused about how to feel I usually opt for anger or frustration. Not a good combo at parties where the alcohol used to help!
I agree 100%. I rarely drink and wondered why I did last year at a wedding but also recognized how it helped me relax and enjoy the party. Also, and I don't explain this well, but it stops the constant vibration I feel. Almost buzzing. Maybe that is anxiety?
I am amazed my therapist didn't see anything along the lines of autism during the four years( wasted) of therapy. As I listen to what you are saying it is all clearing up in my head. Wow.
I wonder this same thing, especially with my childhood. I had no idea what it was when I was younger, but as I looked at the signs, it was so blatantly obvious that, if not autism, something was different about me, and my schools and social workers as a child never once had me tested for anything. I was just labeled a troublemaker.
This is what I fear as someone not diagnosed but suspect. That I'll find someone that will overlook things or focus on stereotypes because they aren't well versed in diagnosis, especially in females. Not saying that if I don't get a diagnosis that I seek out one that will, but just want to find someone that is an expert on the matter and will actually be able to tell. I don't want to waste my time and money.
Same here. I asked him per Email after the end of the therapy, if there could be a chance that i may be autistic and he answered, no 99% not. I believed it for a while but i arrived at the same point again half a year later. Now i am taking it seriously and try to make the diagnosis
Unfortunately, there are many, many bad therapists out there and the few genuine ones just don’t understand. I just stuck with CZcamsrs (like this lady) and other online support now.
i am sad this is the norm..
I have to have EVERYTHING organized. I get overwhelmingly anxious when things get messy, dirty, or lost.
Omg i hate when i lose things it's very frustrating!!!
Could you come organize my house? I struggle so much with keeping up ☺
That's just being a perfectionist
@@FilthEffect I am not a perfectionist. No such thing as perfection. I pursue excellence.
That's an OCD trait.
I struggle with all those but there's another few more that makes life hard and one is changing subjects/mental gears, like answering the phone, or sudden changes of plan at work. Another one is the working memory of a gold fish and not being given clear goals means anxiety to the max.
Tim Bennett same here
Same!!!!
Its like you just described me! I seem to struggle with everything now 😔 xxxxxxxxxx
Answering the phone and calling people is the most nightmare to me. I am so terrified of those.
Man, I hate answering the phone. Hate. It. I always thought it was because of a customer service help line job I had in my early 20s. But in the job I didn't mind answering the phone. And no matter how stressful the call, they were always _interesting_. Glassy eyed boredom with the "real world" was my problem. Bored? Stressed? I know! I'll design (in Photoshop) a studio apartment for over our garage! I'll design & draw the perfect McMansion! And furnish it right down to the linen closet! Meanwhile the real house and linen closet were disaster areas.
I drive myself mad with this!! I always question why i can't keep my room tidy, or why i start a new hobby then drop it a few weeks later! I am awaiting a diagnosis assessment (fingers crossed). My inner monologue makes me so frustrated, it often sends me into an overload if I'm not careful 🥺 it's totally absorbing when it kicks in!
Hahaha same I can't keep my clean I try do hard 😂😂
I totally understand this, I live in a bed sit and it’s really hard for me to organize my life, I get obsessed with loads of stuff including foods and hobbies then I can drop it and not finish things, I love cross stitch but have so many kits on the go but I never see it through or finish things, I’m waiting for a diagnosis hopefully in June/July I’m 34 xxxx
I always feel spaced out,
Brain fog,out of it.
I dont know what's wrong
I think it happens because your brain gets tired of prosessing all the info coming in.
I have Celiac disease as well, and that's a symptom of Celiac, too. I'm never sure whether the brain fog is ASD or Celiac or both.
i've been noticing the same recently. Maybe changes in magnetosphere / local space conditions? or maybe wireless?
Are you talking about a fugue state?
Like when you're staring into space and there's nothing in your head?
I get them all the time I've had them since I was a child.
I was recommended for remedial school because of it and my Mom chose to keep me in the normal school.
Not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
@@QlueDuPlessis did you do good in school?
My dude, I went hard into acting and the arts. I think I'm really good at playing what people expect (so I'm generally really good at hiding it). If I spend a day away from people it takes me a few days to get comfortable with eye contact again, and even then, it's still pretty bad (I just stoically gaze into the horizon like a cowboy, reminiscing on the Horror's he's committed). I think alcohol makes my Autistic tendencies like 50 times worse, I think I just completely stop caring about how bad it shows. I notice it most when I'm talking about something someone else isn't interested in and I can see they are bored, but I just can't stop myself.
Dale Stanton 😂😂😂😂😂 I’ve always said I’m a knob sober and it just makes me worse with alcohol. I’m inclined to think that it’s simply because I can’t keep a mask up 😜 and what comes out of my mouth is not terribly PC, quiet or polite
I think everyones like that on and off..
Aahaha "I can see they are bored but I can't stop myself 😂" why is this so funny..
People treat us like little kids and that bothers the hell out of me ! I’m old enough to drink and I don’t need this babying shit I can take care of my self !
I can drink
I’m 35 and I still get treated like a kid! I hate it but at the same time know that it’s applicable when it comes to certain things. It’s sucks!
Right!! But in a way we struggle with self care aka taking care of ourselves.
I had a similar experience. I was trying to talk to someone about deep psychological behavioral issues and hoping people would understand more wtf asbergers actually is, explaining that I also had tourettes. I slipped on some ice and everyone was like "oh do you need help walking? Here wear these traction aids on your boots should we go back will you be ok?" I wanted to tell them to get the hell away from me.
Owl Knickerknots my niece is 25 however the mental age of 5. The tantrums, the odd behaviour etc is hard on the parents too.
She behaves in public but is evil at home.
Bad behaviour transcends anything so we all have to learn to be kinder to each other.
Now I am diagnosed with autism myself and the whole baby like treatment bothers me as well... But honestly I kinda get it. People can’t go all „waaah waah, there’s music in the supermarket and lots of decoration. That’s way too much, why can’t they just not do that?“ and expect to get normal adult treatment.
Normal people won’t understand what it’s like to get overwhelmed by some music and therefore will give you special treatment.
Maybe it’s because I hate having autism (Or maybe it’s because i’m only 16 years old) but I personally prefer to fit in as much as possible instead of letting myself get special treatment.
The internal monologue sealed the deal for me on getting a diagnosis. I've been telling therapists for years that my internal monologue/dialogue is unbearable. Being in my head is so loud and uncomfortable. Thank you for saying this!
I wish we could see the analogous concepts in neurotypical peoples' minds. It would make it easier to understand both.
I find the fewer behaviours I mask, the more energy I have and the less overall I have to mask. It took me some time to regain a sense of stability while not masking but for me, it paid off big time. So I recommend being radically yourself. Its something I just realised recently and has really helped in my quality of life. Thanks for the video I strongly relate.
oOCentralSunOo YESSSSSS!!!!!
Can you elaborate on what is not masking for you, on practical terms?
oOCentralSunOo it’s the same for me, too. Started unmasking just a few weeks ago and the change in energy and mood has been quite strong. Glad to hear that it helps others, too.
Me too!!!
You have given me the courage to try this.
I have recently become convinced I’m on the spectrum. I identify with every issue you raise, but I particularly appreciate your reference to the increased strain of becoming a mother. My meltdowns and shutdowns (previously rare) became a regular part of my life from the time my son was about 6 months. He needs constant stimulation and interaction (suspected ADHD), and, even as an infant, eye contact was extremely important to him. My husband is also ADHD and there are days I feel like I’m carrying executive function for the whole household. Housework doesn’t get done and the mess bothers my husband, but at least I no longer take that personally. I’m doing the best that I can. I’m trying to own that I’m not lazy or selfish or broken. I’m just different, and I’m doing the best that I can.
This not only resonates, it shouts at me.
I'm always told I use my disability as an excuse as to why I'm so lazy and can't get shit done around the home and why it's difficult to relate to my daughter.
Why can't people just be quiet if they've nothing nice to say?!
I have been told I'm lazy my whole life. Especially when I am dealing with burn out. They don't see how hard I've worked the past five years! They only see me lying around now because I'm exhausted!
I'm 50 and the sensory stuff seems to get worse 😩 I am seriously struggling now.
I literally can't stand being near people or having to talk to them. That's getting worse as well. I feel like running away all the time. Going to work is horrible now.
I'm sure there's zero research on this but do you feel like it's related to decreasing levels of estrogen - makes it harder to mask than when we were younger chicks?
I assumed you were a chick, which maybe was rude. And I mean "woman" by "chick." :)
@@jburton8594 Could be 👍
I'm 67, and I feel the same. Fireworks are getting more hellish for me every year.
@@jburton8594 It makes sense...
I seem to have gotten past being a people pleaser. It feels so good to just be me and walk away from persons who don't enjoy being around me. I enjoy being alone so that must be part of my peace.
Ithaca Comments 👍👍👍👍👍👍
The best defense against an insult is to just say, "So?"
I have never heard of an autism break in supermarkets. The United States is not that accommodating!
Britta Olson
Neither is the UK.....
@@ChristophersMum Morrison's near us has autism hour from 9-10 on Saturday mornings
@@rubybrambleburr1629
Wow!!...that's great to know....thanks💞
I just get stuff delivered now that we have Instacart.
i had one once and i'm from malta
I've learnt a great technique for the internal monologue. Place each thought into a category such as planning, worrying, remembering, judging. This helps to shut down the monologue and put it in it's box.
For me, housework is what goes first when I'm overwhelmed. If I could afford it, I'd get someone to come around even just once in a while to vacuum (the worst part). My partner hates the idea, but he doesn't pick up the slack when I'm struggling. I have a really uneven skill level, so I appear "normal" while still struggling with basic tasks.
I am the same way. Its holiday time in the u.s. and i havent started any sort of decorating or anything because of the anxiety of having to clean it up.
I can’t vacuum either. My kids do it and I have to go in another room and put on noise canceling headphones. I used to say “it gives me a headache” because that was more acceptable to people than saying “it’s just too much, I can’t deal with it and still be a good mom.” My brother has a Rainbow vacuum and I LOVE vacuuming with that. There is almost no sound, for a vacuum, and it doesn’t kick up dust since it captures everything in water, so I’m not assaulted with that gross dust smell.
Despite having watched like 3 of your videos in a row, I just noticed your name is Sam and I am also an autistic Sam and it feels very much like the Spider Man Meme in my head right now.
I have ADHD and quiet a few of these I struggle with too. The best description I've heard about it is that ADHD isn't a deficiency in attention but an executive function disorder.
Everytime I go shopping I go completely blank. I will need so many things and as soon as I'm there the stimulation is so much I just go blank lol and I always forget to make list. Lol
I call the grocery store entrance the lobotomy area. If i show up without a list I’ll be coming home with a candle, two clearance tea boxes and some more hot sauces to add to my hoard. Plus some grocery store sushi for comfort food to soothe the trauma. Nothing useful or productive will have occurred. Money wasted. My spouse does the grocery shopping and I’m so grateful.
i make a list then forget to take the damn list lol
So, this might sound a little silly, but it was really cool and affirming to see a "real" video in which you were struggling.
My communication style is similar to yours. Rapid fire, with lots of varied language when I'm "on" ie fresh with mask in place.
But very similar to this when I'm out of juice, spoons, whatever. Kind of slow, stumbling over and unable to find the right words.
Thank you for sharing!!!
Thank you for commenting. It was filmed this Feb and when I saw your comment I immediately thought "hey, what does he mean??" and then I watched it and was quite amazed at how much I was struggling to find words. This was also the result of a few months of sleep deprivation.
my main fear in life is being judged, it cripples me. just watching your video, my brain goes "what if someone hears her talking about her personal issues?" like i cannot function unless i am totally alone sometimes, so overly self conscious, i feel such overwhelming pressure from being observed or even just possibly observed, but maybe i'm just crazy lol
error ASMR 🍭
When you're afraid of judgement, stop judging others
@@andir8119 Yeah, that's the general advice and it's very good and it works most of the time and for most people, but not all the time and not all people. I guess me and the original poster are people who direct most of the stress and judgment at ourselves. I try not to be judgmental and often even refuse to discuss other people in their absence, but still get judged for being lazy and stuff like that. I read somewhere this is a common problem for extroverted women with Asperger's and ADHD.
Not sure what makes you think anyone is any better than you, since you don’t think you are better than they are. Why can’t everyone just be equally flawed in your head? They are equally flawed out here, so....
Samdy, I almost started to cry when you were speaking about sensory overload. It has been a big problem in my life. There have been times I walk into a grocery store and am seized with panic. When this happens, I push myself to shop. It is a very stressful process. I tend to forget to buy items I had planned on purchasing. You may think that a list might help. It does, but only slightly. I am so stressed out and tense that I cannot focus. - When I go into a restaurant, I try to find a table away from the speakers. Many times I ask the server to please turn down the music. If I walk into a new place with a friend and the music and din is really loud, I turn around and walk out. I just cannot take it. I never knew others had problems with this sort of thing. Just today I discovered your channel and I took the on line test to see if I was in the Autism range. Turns out I got a score of 35. It states that this is an indication of significant Autistic traits. The good part is that I now have a clue of what the heck is going on with me. The sad part is that I am just finding this out when I am about to turn 75 in a week.
Patricia, I was 66 when I asked my therapist for a formal diagnosis. I suspected 13 years prior. It has been a very hard road, as you know. I am trying to focus on all the good and great things about myself. there are many things about myself I would not change. That helps me navigate this world sometimes. I can totally relate to the grocery store experiences do you have. Sometimes it will take me an hour and a half to two hours to grocery shop because I have to counteract all of the sensory overload. You are beautiful person. God Made You especially beautiful.
I felt like I have so much in common with you that I was shocked when I read your age. I’m just 35, but I felt your truth coming through in your words.
I was diagnosed with Autism when I was 3 and finally came to accept that it is me but not the only thing about me. As an adult I have to say one thing that helped a lot personally was traveling and learning another language. The more I traveled and met more people I realized that in some cultures the qualities I have that are seen as strange or rude back home are actually normal and maybe even admirable. Maybe it will help anyone out there to know that or give it a try. It certainly has helped me feel more confident. :)
Could you say which cultures have which traits??
Thanks Sam! I wish I could hit the screen when you say something that resonates with me and my experience as an autistic adult. I love listening to you, and I'm definitely sharing with my friend who feels closer to adhd... Neither of us are officially diagnosed, but clearly we are not neuro typical. I call it my personal alphabet soup! I'm sixty and my friend is 32. Your videos are helping us see the things we struggle with or do differently than those around us are actually to do with the fact that we are wired differently. We are not TOO WEIRD or lazy or talkative - we are completely normal - for autistic!!! Thank you Sam.
I don't know if I'm autistic or not, and I might never know (I've been warned away from seeking one because of the sheer expense and difficulty finding someone capable of diagnosing an adult) but the more I learn about it the more I suspect I might be on the spectrum.
Thanks for making the videos, they help me feel less weird, pathetic and stupid. Less like I'm the only one who struggles with these things that seem to come naturally to most everyone else.
If you live in the UK, ask your GP for a referral or self-refer with NHS for an assessment. If you do not live in the UK, to get a first idea you can take online tests. I would recommend to take the same test at least 3 times, at a few days apart, just because you might 'direct'the answers initially. Good luck.
You're not alone, pathetic, or stupid. Being weird is ok though because normal is boring. 😜
I self-diagnosed late last year & as I am fairly old; I am attempting to embrace my weirdness & let it out a bit more. High masking is exhausting.
The hearing! I've never heard anyone say it and I feel like crying. Thank you so much.
You're certainly not alone! I struggle with this as well and it's also why social gatherings are extra exhausting for me.
Sensory processing disorder 😉
I always wondered why my hearing was so bad when people are talking to me.
At the same time, my hearing is so good that I can hear a pin drop.
This explains it!
If I'm overloaded my ears start to ring or buzz and I space out and then I can't focus on a single thing
@@adamxxx5096 Same here. I've had my hearing tested several times as I was worried it was something work related (even though I wore the proper PPE) and each time its come back as totally normal.
It wasnt until the most recent test that they even mentioned the existence of sensory processing issues, but that's as far as it ever went.
Hi, thanks for the vid. I'm 37 and was diagnosed with ASD about a year ago. Since then I've spent so much time doubting it/struggling to come to terms with it, but to hear someone also diagnosed who has very similar struggles provides reassurance, so thanks!
I got diagnosed around the same age but probably a couple of years older. I have just insisted on being myself throughout because I realized pretty early that there was nothing I could do to make other people happy with me so fuck it. The diagnosis helps me understand a lot of things so that I can work towards having a better understanding with people if I feel like making the effort but I've made so much effort in my life towards them that I think it's time they made some effort to accept people who are different in all kinds of different ways. Social norms should not be enforced like laws.
Wow, I’ve not been diagnosed with autism, but I always understood myself to be a little bit of an odd one out, if I’m reading others emotions about me correctly. I’m gaining so much valuable understanding about how my mind works from your videos and this comments page. It feels good to know there’s others that think like I do.
Social situations at the pub have always been the bane of my existence! Until recently I've been in denial and masking SO hard and just hoping it'll get "easier". I'd had my hearing tested but had never even realised that it could be a symptom of my autism. With the help of my lovely partner I'm slowly trying to discover a life outside of trying to be social even when it's totally exhausting and not enjoyable for me
wow it is so cool that they have an hour for autistic people in a supermarket in the Netherlands. wish they had this in other countries too!
I haven't heard anything from the trials so I don't know if they will roll them out to all stores. We go at opening time generally, it's like our own autism hour!
Here in NZ they have recently introduced an hour on Wednesday in one of the major supermarkets nationwide!
They do it in the UK too. A couple of supermarkets were trialling it. A mall in a city here also did an autism day where the whole shopping centre was made autism friendly for the day.
@@byegonenullity
Where would that be?.....Any in Scotland?
@@ChristophersMum this was in Bristol and Cardiff. Hopefully it's something they are doing countrywide though.
I am 61 and I cannot afford to pay to have a diagnosis. A relatively quick process (still weeks to wait and to go through tests) will cost 900 Euro, while my income is only 1100 with a lot of fixed costs p/month amounting up to -/+ 800 Euro. Then there is the "cheaper" version of 230 Euro, for which you have to get onto a waiting list of more than two years...
So filling in tests on the internet and watching clips on you tube is my only alternative to find out just "how" autistic I am.
That's why I like to watch video's like yours and the ones from Dan of the Aspie World and I recognize sooo much and can start making lists of al the things in the topics you just mentioned to compare my own "oddness" with that of other autistic people.
I think I score a high 85% and a psychologist, a therapist and a coach confirmed that for me and other teachers and young guiding monitors have simply said the cliché: "But you don't look autistic, I really don't see it." The older I get, the more difficult it is for me to hide it at work.
Right now I am unemployed and frankly I don't know If I will find a job again before my age of pensioning. It is disheartening because I still have so much plans in my head, but without a job (or more accurately without the money the job generates) I don't think much of my dreams will realize.
Still I want to thank you ever so much for clearly spelling out where the difficulties lie for female autists
The economic struggle that YT came to the rescue I say. As long you learn of alternative to deal with things you struggle and affect your daily and every life, ITS THE IMPORTANT THING. Diagnose or not. Watching her make me question a lot if I am or not (and the SHOCK I FEEL ABOUT THE THOUGHT LOLZ). I'm in the process to diagnose my 1st child (3yo) have to wait to March, watching her had enlighten me as a parent to understand her and deal with her struggle because at the she is a child as well and adding autism and processing disorder just makes it a bit challenging from a "normal" person perspective. Hang in there because she is very detail on everything, and that's my humble opinion from a parent I cant imagine from someone whom is going through all this, this must be a lighted match in a dark room.
Lilith Kenis why do you have to pay for it?
In the US, the price tag for testing starts at $3000 but averages $6000. For insurance pre-authorization is required. Pre-authorization is provided only with the recommendation from a psychiatrist not covered by same said insurance company. First barrier to entry, approximately $200-$400.
Lilith Kenis don’t hide it my love. Just DO YOU! Xx
Executive function... picking up mail makes me shiver just thinking about it. I was getting better at paperwork and chores until a breakdown few years ago ( I didn't suspect autism back then ). I regressed quite dramatically and I am still struggling to get back on track. Not that I don't relate to other topics too, but that one is especially achy.
Kezako I like this hate mail emails
@@laurenpaterson3475 Weirdly enough, I am ok with emails. But I hate my phone and I can turn it off for weeks when I don't feel up to it.
that's why I stopped picking up my mail every day....I switched to "once a week" and it's much better now. There is nothing in your mail which will cause you problems if you let it there few more days.
@@sandy0811 Sure, nowadays you'll probably never receive a letter like "you're mother just had an accident, come quickly".
On the other hand, the more I delay picking up mail, the more I think about it, the worse it gets, and I'll still have to process opening the letters, answering, etc. I haven't found a system that works for me I guess.
Snowflake syndrome
Listening to the things that cause problems for you is like listening to a recording of myself (in a much better accent!) -- I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid and I have always thought it was something more. Thank you for being brave and putting your experiences out there. It feels really great to know I am not the only one who has these challenges.
I’m the same with executive functioning. Have you read Sidetracked Home Executives? It’s worked well for me because it uses index cards and a pen so there’s no printing to do. Plus you can reorder your tasks each day and add reminders. It’s hard when people don’t understand that it takes me almost the whole day just to keep on top of everything. Oh also, use a timer and do things every day so they’re easy. So set the timer for 3 mins and clean the bathroom as fast as you can, set it for 5 and clean the living room etc. It stops you becoming sidetracked.
Oh wow, I thought it was just me! It takes me about eight hours to clean my house which isn’t huge, because I have to stop and decompress after each task so it takes me all day to get the house straight!
I do a modified version of FlyLady which is somewhat similar to what you're talking about.
i order my shopping list in a path across my usual grocery store so that i can have the most efficient (and therefore quickest) route
Brilliant! I'm going to do this too.
One of the smartest persons i´ve met ever was a girl at a job i had serveral years ago at a warehouse. She had Autism, and was very much into computer programming. She had a lot to say about it and it was very interesting hearing her talk about it. She was a talent. Too bad the manager only let her crush corrugated paper boxes in a press and handling waste. No other employees talked to her. I felt sorry for her really. After i left the company for another, i heard she had made it into a big university. I hope she´s doing well.
I think some of them researchers etc may have some disorders making them so focused and being very intelligent makes people scared.
Did she choose to do remote lowly job? Only reason I ask is that I can see that it might be a whole lot less stressful than many other jobs.
Damn computer spellchecker . Did she choose to do the more lowly job?
L Smith My boss told me the girl was at this job for work training. I could see that she had probably not been that confident, maybe she did not have an easy situation... and you know, people with low confidence can get poorly mistreated by people without knowledge and good leadership.
My boss wasn't that good to her. I felt bad about it. I'm happy i got away. I hope this girl doing fine now.
@Sharon Jensen She did, she runned that warehouse to the bottom. Everybody got fired inculding her. Last i heard about that woman "the tiger" they called her, she was to study to become a nurse. Poor people getting in her way.
I really thought all these things were normal and it was just me. FOR 44 YEARS. That really is the part I have had to process the most, I feel if you grew up in the early 80's you probably missed out on a diagnosis and then end up with a late discovery because we just get better with experience and time at behaving what we think normal looks like. I got the hang of my peers and some social situations but when I had kids I really struggled with it all over again. I just look grumpy and impatient with them and I'm sure you can be on the spectrum and intolerant at the same time. PS - ever thought how many autistic traits domestic cats seem to display?
Never have I heard someone articulate this stuff in a way I can so closely relate to. Thank you for sharing.
Omgsh! Thank you so much. You’re really shedding light for me. I never knew what was wrong with me. I’m now beginning to believe I’m autistic. Oh my God!! It’s such a relief but also scary. It honestly never occurred to me I could be autistic or have Aspergers. This is huge light bulb. I’ve looked up many disorders that I thought fit me, but this realization just fell on my lap! I wasn’t even looking for it. I believed autism was some unmistakable mental or psychological condition and I never knew autism is different in females from males. I kind of feel like crying that finally I found a name that fits. I’m going to be 55 soon, if you can believe it! I’m at the latter part of my life, and I am just now finding this out. I’m not sure I have it. I’ve just been watching youtubers talk about it. I have so far found that autism or Aspergers may actually be what I have. Omg! I can’t believe it! It’s so relieving and so upsetting and depressing at the same time. Thanks!
I was taught to talk to myself when I start feeling overwhelmed in public places. It has made me a target for bullying by my peers. My parents told these quacks to please not teach me these behaviors.
Yeah, it might help keep people from bursting, but asshole peers would pick on people for that. At worst, it’s a lose-lose scenario. Containment otherwise may be preferable depending on the circumstances. I try to find a more isolated place to let things out intentionally, maybe jump and flail around in the bathroom. Discrete stims too.
I talk to myself too and, if people say something, I just tell them that sometimes you have to hear something said out loud to evaluate it properly and that I'd rather say something stupid to myself than say it to others. If they say they heard it, then tell them they were obviously eavesdropping because you weren't talking to them. How rude! lol
I was never taught it, I just do it, my mom did it too, but I don’t think she taught it to me. I try to keep it in while in public, but sometimes that inner monologue is so loud I feel like it doesn’t “fit” in my head and I HAVE to say it out loud. I just put my phone to my ear or put in headphones and pretend to be on the phone. I think with Bluetooth people are a little less worried about people looking like they are talking to themselves. I do it the most when I’m driving and that helps because people think I’m talking on my Bluetooth or singing a song.
This describes me so well, I'm so grateful to have watched it. I hadn't realised that an internal monologue like you described isn't something everyone has, so that helps me understand other people a bit better
For years I thought I was hard of hearing. Found out I have exceptional hearing...it's just that I hear EVERYTHING. My brain can't separate it out. I've just discovered my autism, and at 65 it's so cool to hear that is why this happens to me! Now I know why I get overwhelmed in the shops. I do a ton of online shopping now.
Seriously and sincerely thank you for doing this. I wasn't even aware that I could possibly have autism until about a year ago right before I was diagnosed. I found your channel a few months back and just having your videos when I'm struggling with sp many of the things we do struggle with as adults with autism has been so insightful and given me a better understanding of the scope of issues that I've always had but thought there were very personal to me and that I was somehow flawed because ot that, but I know thats not the case and I'm not alone, but you just have a wonderful way of explaining it to where people who don't have these issues could have a better understanding as well. So like I said thank you so very much
I am a female with Aspergers and could relate to lots of these points! I have had to teach myself to 'Executively Function' by writing plans for my week every week and I do my best to stick to them. It can be fun to feel in control and like you are doing your best with everything but it is also a chore and nerve-wracking if things get thrown off. Luckily my boyfriend is very understanding.
Omg the internal monologue! Yes I didn’t realise others didn’t struggle with that!!! And I have recently had the thought about breaking the habit of masking so much too... because burnout and fatigue! Thankyou for puting it into words :)
I can heavily relate to the "trying to keep up with a schedule" part, people have never understood how serious I am when I say that I was exhausted that day and so I couldn't do what I was supposed to do, because I wasn't "doing anything really special" the day or days before, and so I have no right to claim I was exhausted...
This was the first video I watched when the concept of autism (completely unknown to me) first appeared on my radar three months ago. Today, I received the formal diagnosis after several appointments with a psychologist. 🎉 Thanks so much for your thoughtful and insightful content that gives so many older women hope and the courage to find their ASD lens. 💝
I wish I didn't have autism cus I caused many misunderstandings and I am more likely to get bullied because of my learning struggles.
@@YoSamdySam i do but they are no longer in the same class as me.... I miss them...
@@makotoakiyama6765 Remember you are not responsible for all the misunderstandings, communication is a two way street.
@@YoSamdySam ok
I always try to make the bullies feel like they are just as likely to be the one with the problem as I am and that maybe we should just all see each other as different and not worry about it. In the end, what other people say about you is just their opinion and, since they aren't privy to what it's like to be you, they don't have enough information to accurately judge you. Even if some of the things they say might be slightly true, if you didn't know that before, you might think about it rationally, but you don't have to because it's still just their uninformed opinion.
Apart from the internal monologue, everything in this video resonates so much with me! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your videos, thank you thank you thank you
I HATE not being able to hear when i'm out with friends, it makes things so awkward. And i totally feel that things of everything being the same volume
Sometimes I need to be completely alone for quite a while to recover from whatever has overloaded me (going into the office is the biggest one for me! I go in once a week (WFH the rest of the time) and it usually takes me a couple of days of quiet and alone time to feel calm again) but no one seems to understand even when I try to explain it which can be really frustating and upsetting. I resonate with your videos so much - I feel like I'm not the only one with all of these quirks that everyone seems to find so weird!
I have a hard time even one on one knowing if I'm interrupting or if it's my turn to speak and then people think I'm just being quiet. It's even worse the more people their are. I usually say can I say something or something like that because otherwise I'm either interrupting or I'm too quiet. I usually explain in a small detail that is what I mean by can I say something. I identify strongly with internal monologue too it's hard my bff and my psych social Rehab program are the only two places that I take off my mask. My bff and her family are so wonderful I'm hoping to spend some time with her around Christmas. I hate that I live an hour away and can't drive so it's rare I get to see her.
People find me very interrupting because they stopped talking for 5 seconds to think about what to say next because they don't have inner monologue and can't think about what they will say next while talking, but I try to wait as long to jump in as anyone else. Either I jump in too early or they will never let me speak, especially in the larger groups. I've just accepted there is one set of rules for neurotypicals and one set for us. Like seriously I'll get chastised by people for how I say something and it was EXACTLY the same as how another person did it. I think part of it is them having a bias toward liking that person but not me because of ASD general awkwardness, so they don't give any grace to me and they don't notice they were even unfair. But I guess it could also be some body language or queues that I messed up because I don't really get body language. Maybe if I made it a special interest, lol.
I love your cat! (my special interest)
I love her cat too. I have three black cats. They're the best, but I love all other kinds of cats too. Cats make more sense than people.
I love the way she accepts and rise above the weirdness of the realisation of her autism. Look how confidant and relax she is speaking now.
That's my target to achieve
I know this is an older video, but I felt compelled to comment. I’m saving this video to show my Partner, and possibly others, because you have basically described me exactly. I don’t have a diagnosis yet, but the more research I do the more inclined I am to think a diagnosis would be beneficial. So many ‘yes, exactly’ moments. Thank you.
My sensory sensitivities have changed as I've aged. I've always had a smell overload, but in the last couple of years sound has become an issue
I love the bit about internal monologue, which I thought everyone did....
My least favourite question from someone : "What are you thinking about?"
Should I rewind the past 20 minutes of my monologue for you or just give you a random bit?
Oh never mind, I'll just say "nothing much" and seem vacant ~_~
all your videos and experiences are so fucking relatable and it makes me really sad because my mum's been my ultimate supporter my entire life and now that I am explaining to her that i think i have ASD and ADHD (latter is diagnosed) , she gets all defensive because she doesn't want to admit that she also relates to all the traits and symptoms i have. i feel bad that i'm springing this on her but i also want her to hear me and support me and believe me but she won't because she's not ready to hear any of it and it makes me really upset. she doesn't want to get diagnosed and i keep telling her just because i want to doesn't mean she has to and it's really hard because she doesn't believe me and doesn't want to hear it :(
The internal monologue and masking exhaustion is so relatable. My social battery always just dies at the most inconvenient moments too. Sometimes eating something helps because I also forget to eat on time but sometimes I really am just exhausted.
Is it weird that I sometimes... ENJOY the sensory overload?
I greatly enjoy going to parties and clubs where they play music I like. I will be dancing near-nonstop, only taking breaks to pee or rehydrate. I also greatly enjoy really driven, hyper and aggressive music (Psytrance, Gabber, Aggrotech, Harsh, Power Metal, Industrial, Speedcore, Powernoise, Russian Hardbass, Hardstyle and the like), I will be raving like a maniac, jumping around on the dancefloor. People often ask me if I have any drugs because they assume I'm high on something.
I really struggle talking to people though. I learned how to dance really well because that sometimes makes people compliment me which sometimes turns into a conversation. Learning how to dance like a rave god somehow was easier for me than to just talk to a person.
And the sound of a clock ticking or someone singing even slightly out of tune will unnerve me to no end while I enjoy listening to freaking Powernoise, for Odin's sake!
I sometimes suspect it's partially because Powernoise kinda enables "regular joe" people to experience what I go through day by day.
I believe that's called sensation seeking. It happens with other senses as well. Like you just have to touch all these different things and certain ones are very soothing and such. Some people love the sense of spinning or falling as well.
I do that too. I think it may be a form of stimming. I remember having almost an out of body experience during the finale of Blue Man Group because my senses were so pleasantly overloaded my mind went silent.
I kind of understand. I had one experience at a concert that was lovely, but a loud church service makes me a wreck.
I, an ADHD, have never regulated an emotion in my life.
But no, for real ... I have ADHD and sensory processing issues, and I related quite hard.
1) Sensory issues - I did not realize until a couple years ago that this is why the longer I'm in a store, the more I just shut down, physically and mentally. I remember when I was like 11 being in a crowded store with my parents and feeling so exhausted that I was trying to find a place to sit down on any bit of empty shelf, my feet/legs hurt and were tired for no apparent reason. My parents didn't understand (neither did I!), and it didn't make sense why that feeling of tiredness seemed to disappear as soon as we left.
I struggle particularly with auditory processing, so I frequently can't quite make sense of what people are saying in a complex auditory environment, things like that.
2) Honestly I cannot imagine how stressful a wedding would be, if I were the one getting married. I can hardly handle attending someone else's wedding, where nobody notices if you need to leave early or hide in a corner/the bathroom for half an hour to get away from it all.
3) Obviously, having ADHD, this is one of my major struggles. I dunno if you've played the sims, but I'm like a sim that you tell to take a shower, but there's something on the floor between them and the bed/wall, that they can't get around ... so they don't move from that spot they're stuck in ... for hours. Now that I'm finally diagnosed and on medication, I'm actually able to **do** things sometimes.
4) I think I have a great handle on small talk. My coworkers, on the other hand, get to hear daily 20 minute long stories about my cat or that one time it snowed in May (that they all remember because it was only like 7 years ago) ...
Thankfully most of my coworkers are also neurodivergent :D
5) I've never had a mind that doesn't have either constant commentary or planning/writing whatever story I'm currently working on. Do other people just ... **not** always have that?? I don't find it exhausting though, it's just the thing my brain does.
Sort of related, I like **constantly** have a song in my head. Sometimes it's incredibly annoying, when it's a song I hate and I just **can't get it unstuck** ... Back when I was like 14 or so, I was in this youth group kind of thing for a bit, where one of the things they said was like "always have a song in your heart" and I legit like raised my hand and asked "I always have some song stuck in my head, does that count?" because I didn't know what they meant by "in your heart" :D
My first attempt at a career was as a secondary (high) school teacher in the UK. I dragged myself through 5 years of social and sensory overload, couldn't connect with the kids (could only ever really 'get' the asd kids better than other teachers, can't think why!) and ended up physically ill from stress and quitting with no job to go to. I made progressively positive career changes and am now feeling very lucky to be where I am. Currently working from home full time, in my dimly lit room with little noise other than saxophone jazz/blues chilled music when I feel like it. I love interacting with people positively and can now do it on a 1:1voice/video call without the downsides of overload and burnout. So much here resonates. Loving your videos thanks.
I can relate to this, hs English teacher for 21 years and struggle with that immensely without knowing what it was or what it was called😢
OH my goodness, I am seeing myself so clearly listening to the last few videos on autism!
I relate with every single thing. You just summed up my struggles.
Literally everything you said here are things I experience every day and it's only getting more intense as I get older. Thank you for the awareness you are spreading about this. ❤
Speaking of executive function.,..how 😢 many of you have purchased new day (or weekly/monthly) planners only to set them aside after a couple of solid days of trying to stay organized? It never made sense to me that I couldn’t stay organized especially when I had all of these tools available to me. Here is how it usually played out: “I should get one of those planner books again” so I go to the store and find the perfect one and get super excited about finally getting organized. I get home, sort things all out and start filling out the page with all of the personal and emergency info followed by starting to plan out a week. After a couple of days, I start crossing off things I have done but I do it carefully because I don’t want to mess up my new planner. Soon, it all goes by the wayside because I become overwhelmed about something else. Meanwhile, my co-workers, bosses, wife just continue to be super productive via basic notebooks with their lists written down or planners that they are effectively utilizing but theirs are kind of messy with things scribbled in the margins or crossed out or not written neatly. Then, I transition back to being all over the place and just can’t seem to get anything done. This is the phase I call the: “stupid planners - planners are dumb “ phase where I shove it in a drawer and then I get one of those little notebooks and start scribbling things in that because who cares if they get messy. But then I forget to bring it and can’t remember what I am supposed to be doing so I get another little notebook and try to recreate my list and then find my old notebook a week later and realize that I only accomplished one quarter of the things I needed to. This is the “notebooks and being organized in general is dumb” phase. By the end of the year, I have not changed but have managed to collect multiple planners and notebooks which are now messy with phone numbers I’ve written down because it’s the only paper I could find in a pinch. Then, I start getting excited at the idea of getting a new planner but then my boss says I will have to buy it myself because she knows I won’t use it and so I argue a little and then she asks me to open my desk drawer and she digs out the two or three old and outdated planners and says “see! They are full of doodles and phone numbers just use a notepad like me “ and she pulls out a beat up cheap notepad with only a few pages left because she throws out the old lists once she has completed them. Then I am envious of her because she never forgets things and spend the next couple of hours having her explain her method which seems pretty good but would be so much better if she would just use a nice planner. This is the “planners are great but only for others” phase.!So then I think about getting all of the list makers in my life nice planners for Christmas because they would actually use them. Then I scoff at everyone because they don’t write things neatly and then I finish the year wishing that I could access my “inner executive function resources but since it is inaccessible, I just think about all of the reasons that neurodivergent people are far superior to neurotypical people and then spend the remainder of the year trying to focus on work because it’s work and that’s what you are supposed to do but since I am so disorganized I start info dumping on my co-workers and my wife about my special interests in an attempt to balance the scales and demonstrate my value as a reliable source of information for whatever my special interest is at the time. Then someone quips “ if you could harness your passion for tornadoes, animals, spiders etc. you could figure out how to stay organized. Then I just give up and wish my executive function worked right though I still prefer being neurodivergent. Executive function….overrated am I right?
When a TV roars to life real loud, it sends me into sensory overload. That’s kind of something new in the past decade. I struggle with noise in general most days. I like my environment very quiet. I cannot do grocery stores hardly. I’m glad for grocery pick up these days.
Flylady system helped me a lot in the household. Check for Diane in Denmark and also the secret slob
Thank you for making this video. I sent it to my mom bc she doesn't "see me" as autistic and doesn't understand why I prefer to be alone at home so much. It really helps to have someone who "looks" like me to advocate for me. Keep up the good work! Also, can you make a video about your ADHD husband? My fiance has ADHD and I feel like ASD/ADHD is a specific dynamic.
I realized this in college: Always wanting to contribute to the conversation if it applies to me, not because I have to (as someone once told me, but that’s not right) but because I *want* to say something. But by the time I figure out what to say or struggle to find an opening, the topic moves on. In large groups, this frustrates me to no end. As she says, I find it easier in smaller groups.
I also struggle to make small talk (and other relatable talk), keep my room clean (and other executive dysfunctions), and it does take me a while to recover from big events-but I’m working on the recovery time in incremental steps.
All. Of. This!!! Growing up in the 70s & 80s this was never picked up on, and Im only making the connection now. Your videos are all so relatable. Wow. Thank you so much
Internal Monologue, oh, dear. In a context with depression, it's called "rumaging", in psychotic and OCD-contexts it's called "intrusive thoughts", for HSPs it's called "very deep processing". And while I do not intent to diminish anyone's experience, I want to tell the world the following: Some people just think very much. And of those, some think in way different ways than (most of) others.
And disclaimer: I am not diagnosed with anything but general anxiety issues.
What I find notewothy about my though-process: It always starts with an intruiging question, and me wanting to get an answer that withstands as much scrutiny as I can get. Step one: Get Info. Step two: Process. In simpler cases, step two takes a minute or two wherein I just stare into infinity and "shut off" conscious thought-process. Just let the Info settle down, until an answer hits my mind. I do not know what happens during this time, it's a black box, and sometimes scary, because the answers tend to be accurate (judging from test-results and stuff).
In more complex cases, step two involves active processing: Revisit acquired Info, sort it, try to make sense of it, attack the model. Sounds normal, yeah? -- Except that the sorting and the attacking are done with help of a Second Instance of Thought (I call him "Eddy"), effectively turning inner monologue into a dialogue -- the existance of the Faynman-Method says, Eddy is a very nice feature to have -- explain stuff to someone not in the know helps you grasp it better, defending a model against criticism even more so, unless you find actual fault, in which case you can correct.However, in my early teens, I seriously wondered, whether Eddie might be the voice of God, because, something answering your thoughts is not quite normal, is it?
And then there is kind of a Third Instance, The Traiterous Voice. And no, both them and Eddy are not "voices", they are, to the best of my understanding, just independent threads of thought (cf. multy-threaded programming) that happen on the same brain. Problem with Traitor is: They always mask as me-myself and is oh-so-happy to enhance and re-inforce everything negative about anything. Basically, Traitor got their recognition and name from someone explaining to me, that the rumaging typical of depression is like an invasive force to one's thought-process. You think, it's you, but really it's not. It's the depression talking to you, out of you. Thankfully, Eddy is very good at calling out Traitor.
Everything you have talked about are things I have/do experience on a daily level. I honestly feel like you are reading a description of how I function.
Omg this is me too. Thank you for sharing your experiences. ❤
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (age 34). Everything I read about it made sense to me. But listening to you (and watching your body language) has struck me so hard. I have sent a couple of your videos to my therapist telling him "just watch it so I don't have to waste my breath because it's a copy-paste for what I'm dealing with". Thank you for sharing.
The background sound drowning out other sounds (like friend's voices) is something i've experienced so much in my life but just assumed was an ADHD or a just a me thing
i always thought it was obvious that if there was a lot of background noise, or loud music, that of course you wouldnt be able to understand what somone is saying, but then people would. and so i thought i was slightly hard of hearing. but now i know its a aspie thing lol
Sorry what did you say? The high pitched noise from the refrigerator two rooms away caught all my attention. (Sounds like a joke but kind of isn't. I actually had to insulate the venting on my fridge with rubber foam to get anything done in this apartment, and don't worry it's been two years, it doesn't catch fire).
I totally identify with everything you have covered. I found that knowing I am probably Nd makes me more aware of the reason for my quirks ...
Many and possibly all of them.
Thank you for your video which I intend to forward to friends to better educate them . . .
Thank you so much for sharing this!!! I can relate to EVERYTHING you have said! Thank you for putting yourself out there because even though life can be a super struggle, it really is nice to know you're not alone in it. I also can't do grocery stores, crowds, or big social events (without alcohol.)
What I struggle most with is making smalltalk at the office. I think at this point (it's been 5 years) most of my colleagues know that I'll just be quiet for most of the day and even if someone starts a conversation with me there is no smooth beginning and end to it. It'll just be a quick drop of info and I'm out. I used to be anxious about whether they perceived this as being avoidant or disliking them, but I hope they know it's not that.