What are some of the best out-of-context quotes from your campaigns? 🅿️11
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- čas přidán 15. 04. 2024
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What are some of the best out-of-context quotes from your campaigns?
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“I cast catapult on the child.”
I am no longer allowed to use this spell.
If I remember the weight restrictions on the spell, it was more likely a baby than a child.
@@kyleward3914 my dm did the math for this exact thing and you technically would have to cast it at level 2 to chuck a newborn.
@@CATusthetidsresenarwhat is this conversation? You're almost as evil as my party😂
(Not that i'm better, i've had my fare share if horrible actions too. But still.)
Fortunately or unfortunately, the baby would have to be dead (Aka, a corpse) to be targetable by the spell.
"Curiosity may have killed the cat... But I ain't no cat! I am a F***ing Lion!!!" My Leonin Paladin.
Archlich named Curiosity:
@@dragoknight589WTF is an archlich? You mean demilich
"I don't like the way that frog is looking at me. I cast Eldritch Blast!"
The most memorable quote from my last session: "Will this absolve us from our crimes? That we didn't commit. We didn't commit any crimes."
They did, in fact, commit crimes.
"I don't need a god, I have a gun. And that's only 2 letters off"
-The Dwarven fighter to the God of Vengeance
My personal favorite:
Cleric: "If you fall, I'm not healing your broken legs. You will lay there, with the pain as a lesson to not be an idiot."
Reminds me of my Paladin player who got *caught in a literal tornado* who, when asked what his plan was if he fucked up their escape strategy:
"I'll break my fall. ....With my legs."
This party really needs feather fall.
"WAIT IM NOT DEAD, SINCE I WASN"T CONSENTING SO SHE DIDN'T KILL ME "
This was a golden line from me
DM: "Hold up, let me clean up these bodies real quick and then we can continue."
"My Nana says you shouldn't worry about dying because death isn't real."
How old was your pcs nana?
I'm going to just assume in the ballpark of yes
"There once was a monk of great fame,
Till a bard with a much bigger brain,
At once lit a fuse,
HAHA ITS A RUSE,
THIS ISN'T A SPELL ITS JUST PAIN "
"GIVE ME YOUR BONES!"
Did they?
@@GZilla311 u know it bb
“SAVE ME, DUSTBUNNIES!”
“I bite the Werewolf’s crotch.”
"Not sure she is into you?! Need i remind you she was looking at you the way i look at a crispy-grilled salmon!"
“HEY ELF, EAT BOULDER”
“HEY ELF, EAT ANOTHER BOULDER”
“Hey elf, guess what”
“EAT KNIVES!”
@@Aaa-vp6ugsword swallower Vs knife thrower ultimate showdown
@@dragoknight589 lol
"So is it sea men or is it blood?"
*"IT'S BOTH!!!"*
Hold the frog, I'm coming in ... and whatever happens do not let it escape
“I’m gonna punt the goblin.”
“You’re two inches tall!”
“I’M PUNTING THE GOBLIN.”
“Assassins are simply people who kill for political reasons. My economic plan is looting your corpse and your new tax bracket is all of your blood.” - Orc assassin talking to an cabal of mindflayers and incubi.
"The Boulder approves this Sexual Harassment" my DM playing a Officer in a London Vampire themed Call of Cthulhu Campaign. There is no context...
"Maybe it's time to get rid of my 100lbs of barnacle shells."
"Can ghosts sweat underwater?"
"Surprise surgery!"
"this is why i pay for undermountain premium, no ads"
*Plays ad*
nice
I got a few.
“You became Superman with a bathtub.”
“Moral of the story: Don’t trust white haired girls or their sharks will eat you”
Explains a session to people who weren’t there, “I jumped into a bottomless pit, got a magic tattoo, started a bar fight, almost burnt down the adventurer’s guild, got a wish spell, teleported the entire city of Waterdeep to a city with a purple ocean, got chased by the guards and drowned in the purple ocean.”
“Theoretically, I can win, it just takes 1E-99999999% chance to win.”
“In order to win D&D, we need to eat each other”
"That's the 5th Kobold you've shoved into the bag of holding (Dragonborn Fighter)."
"Who Fridged Roger Rabbit?"
“I can barely hit a staggered dwarf with one hit point in the knee, and you SUMMON A FUCKING DEATH WORM?!?!” *falls out of chair in disbelief*
“My religion just got Bin Ladened”
He found his temple ransacked and all the priestesses murdered
Literally just finished a session where it happened.
"Damn, I new the situation was bad, but they sent a fucking junkie to help?" - My character staring at a wizard PC who is actively smoking a blunt.
"the boulder says nothing"
"Oh you adorably silly child, you ask too much of the Castigator with each and every question, for he cannot speak, he only punishes those who've earned extreme agony before death... On that note, you may wish to forget your old family"
"The bard didn't try to suduce it? -The answer was shatter"
I got a few:
"Oh so it's a lot like Portland"
"We should have just fought the bees instead"
"I started drinking at age 3"
"I did NOT mean to draw a roast beef sandwich!"
"Wait we're fighting a jacked 5 month old?!"
"Can we eat the Pegasus?"
"The Pegasus glares at you."
"The Pegasus shrugs its wings like 'WTF do you expect?"
"So you know the pokemon Gligar?" "Oh yeah it's my favorite." "Not anymore roll initiative."
“Ah, sorry. Arro has cat AIDs” - Me after multiple other party members started signing a contract with blood and someone mentions that we probably don’t have any bloodborne illnesses amongst us.
Also “How heavy is the cornucopia?” - Also me, preparing to cast catapult
From the same one-shot
"You are now in the Astral plane. This is a very bad place to be at level one."
"That is an adult silver dragon. No murder hobo schnanegans."
"You have killed the monster."
"....Why don't you just shrink the guild door and carry it with you?"
"...Why not just destroy the old one and make a new one?"
“YOU ATE BRIGG??!? Tacky.”
“Great, now I gotta figure out what spirit owls eat.”
My b2 Battle Droid right before stabbing a stormtrooper:"I hate knock offs!"
“Oh ho ho thought I was just an entertainer didn’t you? Well time to drop the act and show you just how deadly I can be!” Gaelyn Morvyre half-elf bard college of whispers.
“So, have you ever heard of wind?”
"I'm going to roll for lobotomy." followed by "I don't eat vegetables... WAIT, NOT IN THAT WAY!!!"
I then proceeded to roll a nat 20 for lobotomy
"Fuck it, I'll do it. I take a bite of the dead mycanid"
"The ladle is all about the emotional damage!"
My dragonborn barbarian with the chef feat.
Aasimar bard: "My name is Gabriel Jazz. I have travelled the Heavens and played my original music to the Gods."
- entire table groans -
“The part of me that won. I drink the liquid nitrogen.”
"Everything's fine."
"Oh no, I don't believe you at all."
My dragon character twisting her head around 180 degrees and using magic to make her eyes swirl weird colors. "Don't worry, everything's fine."
GM: as the door of the abandoned lab opens you see absolute darkness , but the scanners show that the nuclear reactor is close.
Me trying to lighten the mood:“We take take a walk down to Chernobyl avenue
now things are getting hotter”
Ex soldier "beam the the light towards the vampire" hazmat guy. "Throws the torch at the vampires head*
"Let's go eat them Dead Drow." (From a Half-Orc Fighter PC after the party kills hostile Drow)
"Some might call it torture, others would call it a convenience."
I'm _so_ using this. 😂.
One player offers Green dragon drugs. "Oh my gosh that's the good stuff." Immediately swallows all of it. "You're free to leave, now I'm going to go eat all your friends."
Player character: "allright."
Funniest ending to a oneshot we ever had.
"He holds up his finger and does the "urethra" thing."
Have fun with that.
Yoooo I love this series! Cant wait for more!
4:50 an ad RIGHT AFTER THAT ONE has gotta be the most devious thing possible
"FIRE THE SPOONS!"
Pathfinder 1st addition. DM-"I swear that next time that falcon kills something it shouldn't even face I'm going throw the book at you"
Beast master ranger rolling for falcon. "Nat 20" Dodges book flying at his head.
My character: "Ah sweet apples! What's that green one?"
Shopkeeper: "Oh that's a honey sunrise." (The DM made up random names, I forgot them).
MC: "Oh cool! What's that red one?"
SK: "That's a ruby treasure."
MC: "Awesome! What's that pair shaped one?"
SK: "That's a pair..."
Achievement Unlocked: America
PANR has tuned in.
Warforged: "Sure, and I have an aftplate the size of the San Andreas."
Rouge: *whispering "Really?"*
Warforged: *"No, but I know someone who does."*
"If I need something to burn, I'll *BREATHE* on it."
"Have I been dragon-ing wrong this whole time?"
NPC Sheriff: "Never thought I'd see the day where a stoner druid was a party's Responsible Adult(TM) by default. First time for everything, indeed."
"Mother said there'd be days like this." *Tiamat visibly starts looking nervous* "Who was your mother, again?"
Not all the same campaign:
DM: “jumps through the waterfall…*rolls*…and dies.”
A talking sword meant for my brother when I try to interact with it: “stay where you are, strange little priest.”
A Titan when we did stuff: “My temple is lighter!”
-One session alter-
My brother: “my house is lighter!” And charges through the portal some giants came out of.
DM when I discover a form of cruel and unusual mutilation: *looks at DM2* “YOU MADE THIS WEAPON! What does it do?!”
DM2: “… I don’t know.”
"ARE WE DOING FUCKING GREENFACE?"
Setting: Rise Of Tiamat
DM to player 1: Wow, you're really over powered"
Player 2 (me): "This shouldn't be surprising, he always makes O.P characters"
Player 1: "Tiamat doesn't know what's coming! I'll show her my O.Pness!"
Cue the rest of the party absolutely losing their sh*t as the look of horror on player 1's face grows as he realizes what came out of his mouth
“DM, can I be thrown at the BBEG?”
“What the hell?”
“Can. I. Be. Thrown. At. The. Monster?”
“Everybody in favor of throwing Wizard at BBEG?”
“Aye. Aye. Aye.”
“Ranger picks up Mage and throws it at Monster, roll strength.”
“17!”
“Mage manages to bitch slap the monster for 2 damage and falls to the ground. Mage broke his neck.”
“Was it worth it?”
“Fuck yeah.”
One of my favorite video series! I see I click!
@4:55 then I get a CZcams Ad lol
"No, you cannot Mage Hand the child..." - Our DM to our Bard.
"I'm having a party" - said, dying
I don’t know who Angie is, but I already love them
"Can I roll for forced miscarriage?"
One of the few questions I've said NO to.
That last table sounds absolutely WILD
"He will take the door like a civilised person"
(The others jumping out the window)
"For a water elf, I'm really feeling like a fish out of water in this lake"
“This says command laction” “I think command laction would take more then one turn”
Some of my favourites come from a friend of mine:
*"Art thee stupid?"*
*"Prune thyself."*
and of course,
*"What art thee yapping about? Go take a walk."*
Me: "YOUR MOTHER WAS A HYENA AND YOUR MOTHER WAS A CHICKEN!"
Our Cleric: "I've gotta cook these drugs up. I'm sure everyone else will be fine."
Me: "I've got the mask! Hey, no! Down! Bad mask! Bad!"
"Are you proficient in Fish?"
Our Paladin and Echo Knight Fighter to a mini boss before smacking them with fish combined with a smite to end them
3:50 You are still absolutely vaporized, just slightly less.
10:53 Hey! That's one I submitted ages ago! You wouldn't believe how giddy I was to hear that in this episode.
"You gave an old man dementia."
“Only moss fears me!” By our dragon born Druid who was disguised as Mario.
"To Hells with you. *somantic gestures* GEADE BE UPON YOU!
*excited* “Oh it could kill you? Great!”
C1: "Tusevano... a tiny man just walked into your beard..."
C2: (just waking up) "Huh? oh, thats just juniper."
C3: (Currently transformed into a wolf) "Woof!" [he gave me strawberries!]
C2: "Yeah Junipers nice like that."
C1: "WHAT?! YOU SPEAK WOLF NOW TOO?!"
C2: "You can't? Even Weeday can." (refering to barbarian)
C1: "Well woof wuf wof then."
C2/3/4 (Sharing the same braincell): "WHAT YOU DID YOU JUST CALL OUR MOTHERS?!"
...
C1: "Okay, so you believe this... juniper... is an invisible being that... helps you? what do you believe in fairy tails too?"
C2: "Sprite actually."
C1: "Tusevano. Fairy tails. aren't. real!" (proceeds to be stabbed multiple times by an angry invisible sprite)
...
C1: "Okay, I'm bringing it up. WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUR STOMACH TUSEVANO?!?!"
C2: "It's disagreeing with me so I'm threatening it with your cooking!"
"It is an immortal potato, it doesn't need air!"
“The rat shatters on the stairway wall”
"You land a successful headshot on the pope and you're telling me you want to griddy on the corpse"
Don't ask
Ah yes DMC 4 Dante.
@@Arcana_zero_studios my players are monsters
"BONES, LIVING BONES!"
You know damn well my parent's didn't die to no bullshit ass Corgis!
I went to a temple, and conferred with... what I can assume... is a magic man.
This was out of context even in the campaign; "Grandma? I KILLED YOU THOUGH, HOW ARE YOU HERE?"
Barbarian kept backstory secret and I as DM allowed it
P1: "I'd like to put the tea-cupboard into my bag of holding."
DM: "Okay, so you empty the cupboard into your bag of holding."
P1: "No, the WHOLE cupboard"
"Do the tippy-tappies sound evil, though?"
So many of these go together like a story
Dm: "STOP TRYING TO FIST THE TROLL!!!"
Here's one from my first ever campaign. It's comedically short but gets the point across: "Do not frog me."
"We're here to kill the dragon on top the mountain! What are you doing here? You're in our way!" "I don't see you with no dragon killing sword," says my halfling fighter with said dragon killing sword in hand.
Session 3, we start at level 1: "I feel like you're a God"
"No, God is weak"
"I don't f-ing care if he's a demonic hell beast from another dimension! I wouldn’t care if he was (party member)! He's my target and he will die by my blade!" - Syn, my rogue upon being reunited with the party after eighty years post abandonment of said character.
"WE JUST HAD THOSE DEPORTED!!!"
"I have never met a tree that wasn't at least a kittle but suspicious"
“Curiosity killed the Nazis” - My World Traveling Barbarian to a pack of Kobolds and an Orphanage of goblins