What are some of the best out-of-context quotes from your campaigns? 🅿️11
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- čas přidán 15. 04. 2024
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What are some of the best out-of-context quotes from your campaigns?
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"Curiosity may have killed the cat... But I ain't no cat! I am a F***ing Lion!!!" My Leonin Paladin.
Archlich named Curiosity:
@@dragoknight589WTF is an archlich? You mean demilich
“I cast catapult on the child.”
I am no longer allowed to use this spell.
If I remember the weight restrictions on the spell, it was more likely a baby than a child.
@@kyleward3914 my dm did the math for this exact thing and you technically would have to cast it at level 2 to chuck a newborn.
@@CATusthetidsresenarwhat is this conversation? You're almost as evil as my party😂
(Not that i'm better, i've had my fare share if horrible actions too. But still.)
Fortunately or unfortunately, the baby would have to be dead (Aka, a corpse) to be targetable by the spell.
My personal favorite:
Cleric: "If you fall, I'm not healing your broken legs. You will lay there, with the pain as a lesson to not be an idiot."
Reminds me of my Paladin player who got *caught in a literal tornado* who, when asked what his plan was if he fucked up their escape strategy:
"I'll break my fall. ....With my legs."
This party really needs feather fall.
"I don't like the way that frog is looking at me. I cast Eldritch Blast!"
The most memorable quote from my last session: "Will this absolve us from our crimes? That we didn't commit. We didn't commit any crimes."
They did, in fact, commit crimes.
"I don't need a god, I have a gun. And that's only 2 letters off"
-The Dwarven fighter to the God of Vengeance
“SAVE ME, DUSTBUNNIES!”
“I bite the Werewolf’s crotch.”
"WAIT IM NOT DEAD, SINCE I WASN"T CONSENTING SO SHE DIDN'T KILL ME "
This was a golden line from me
"My Nana says you shouldn't worry about dying because death isn't real."
How old was your pcs nana?
I'm going to just assume in the ballpark of yes
DM: "Hold up, let me clean up these bodies real quick and then we can continue."
"There once was a monk of great fame,
Till a bard with a much bigger brain,
At once lit a fuse,
HAHA ITS A RUSE,
THIS ISN'T A SPELL ITS JUST PAIN "
"So is it sea men or is it blood?"
*"IT'S BOTH!!!"*
"Not sure she is into you?! Need i remind you she was looking at you the way i look at a crispy-grilled salmon!"
“I’m gonna punt the goblin.”
“You’re two inches tall!”
“I’M PUNTING THE GOBLIN.”
“Assassins are simply people who kill for political reasons. My economic plan is looting your corpse and your new tax bracket is all of your blood.” - Orc assassin talking to an cabal of mindflayers and incubi.
Hold the frog, I'm coming in ... and whatever happens do not let it escape
"GIVE ME YOUR BONES!"
Did they?
@@GZilla311 u know it bb
“HEY ELF, EAT BOULDER”
“HEY ELF, EAT ANOTHER BOULDER”
“Hey elf, guess what”
“EAT KNIVES!”
@@Aaa-vp6ugsword swallower Vs knife thrower ultimate showdown
@@dragoknight589 lol
"Maybe it's time to get rid of my 100lbs of barnacle shells."
"Can ghosts sweat underwater?"
"Surprise surgery!"
"The Boulder approves this Sexual Harassment" my DM playing a Officer in a London Vampire themed Call of Cthulhu Campaign. There is no context...
"this is why i pay for undermountain premium, no ads"
*Plays ad*
nice
“I can barely hit a staggered dwarf with one hit point in the knee, and you SUMMON A FUCKING DEATH WORM?!?!” *falls out of chair in disbelief*
I got a few.
“You became Superman with a bathtub.”
“Moral of the story: Don’t trust white haired girls or their sharks will eat you”
Explains a session to people who weren’t there, “I jumped into a bottomless pit, got a magic tattoo, started a bar fight, almost burnt down the adventurer’s guild, got a wish spell, teleported the entire city of Waterdeep to a city with a purple ocean, got chased by the guards and drowned in the purple ocean.”
“Theoretically, I can win, it just takes 1E-99999999% chance to win.”
“In order to win D&D, we need to eat each other”
"That's the 5th Kobold you've shoved into the bag of holding (Dragonborn Fighter)."
“My religion just got Bin Ladened”
He found his temple ransacked and all the priestesses murdered
"Who Fridged Roger Rabbit?"
"Oh you adorably silly child, you ask too much of the Castigator with each and every question, for he cannot speak, he only punishes those who've earned extreme agony before death... On that note, you may wish to forget your old family"
Literally just finished a session where it happened.
"Damn, I new the situation was bad, but they sent a fucking junkie to help?" - My character staring at a wizard PC who is actively smoking a blunt.
"the boulder says nothing"
"The bard didn't try to suduce it? -The answer was shatter"
"....Why don't you just shrink the guild door and carry it with you?"
"...Why not just destroy the old one and make a new one?"
“YOU ATE BRIGG??!? Tacky.”
“Great, now I gotta figure out what spirit owls eat.”
I got a few:
"Oh so it's a lot like Portland"
"We should have just fought the bees instead"
"I started drinking at age 3"
"I did NOT mean to draw a roast beef sandwich!"
"Wait we're fighting a jacked 5 month old?!"
"Can we eat the Pegasus?"
"The Pegasus glares at you."
"The Pegasus shrugs its wings like 'WTF do you expect?"
"So you know the pokemon Gligar?" "Oh yeah it's my favorite." "Not anymore roll initiative."
“Ah, sorry. Arro has cat AIDs” - Me after multiple other party members started signing a contract with blood and someone mentions that we probably don’t have any bloodborne illnesses amongst us.
Also “How heavy is the cornucopia?” - Also me, preparing to cast catapult
From the same one-shot
"You are now in the Astral plane. This is a very bad place to be at level one."
"That is an adult silver dragon. No murder hobo schnanegans."
"You have killed the monster."
“Oh ho ho thought I was just an entertainer didn’t you? Well time to drop the act and show you just how deadly I can be!” Gaelyn Morvyre half-elf bard college of whispers.
“So, have you ever heard of wind?”
"I'm going to roll for lobotomy." followed by "I don't eat vegetables... WAIT, NOT IN THAT WAY!!!"
I then proceeded to roll a nat 20 for lobotomy
Aasimar bard: "My name is Gabriel Jazz. I have travelled the Heavens and played my original music to the Gods."
- entire table groans -
"The ladle is all about the emotional damage!"
My dragonborn barbarian with the chef feat.
My b2 Battle Droid right before stabbing a stormtrooper:"I hate knock offs!"
"Fuck it, I'll do it. I take a bite of the dead mycanid"
“The part of me that won. I drink the liquid nitrogen.”
GM: as the door of the abandoned lab opens you see absolute darkness , but the scanners show that the nuclear reactor is close.
Me trying to lighten the mood:“We take take a walk down to Chernobyl avenue
now things are getting hotter”
"Let's go eat them Dead Drow." (From a Half-Orc Fighter PC after the party kills hostile Drow)
Ex soldier "beam the the light towards the vampire" hazmat guy. "Throws the torch at the vampires head*
4:50 an ad RIGHT AFTER THAT ONE has gotta be the most devious thing possible
"Everything's fine."
"Oh no, I don't believe you at all."
My dragon character twisting her head around 180 degrees and using magic to make her eyes swirl weird colors. "Don't worry, everything's fine."
"Some might call it torture, others would call it a convenience."
I'm _so_ using this. 😂.
"He holds up his finger and does the "urethra" thing."
Have fun with that.
One player offers Green dragon drugs. "Oh my gosh that's the good stuff." Immediately swallows all of it. "You're free to leave, now I'm going to go eat all your friends."
Player character: "allright."
Funniest ending to a oneshot we ever had.
"FIRE THE SPOONS!"
That last table sounds absolutely WILD
"No, you cannot Mage Hand the child..." - Our DM to our Bard.
Pathfinder 1st addition. DM-"I swear that next time that falcon kills something it shouldn't even face I'm going throw the book at you"
Beast master ranger rolling for falcon. "Nat 20" Dodges book flying at his head.
PANR has tuned in.
"For a water elf, I'm really feeling like a fish out of water in this lake"
"ARE WE DOING FUCKING GREENFACE?"
"He will take the door like a civilised person"
(The others jumping out the window)
My character: "Ah sweet apples! What's that green one?"
Shopkeeper: "Oh that's a honey sunrise." (The DM made up random names, I forgot them).
MC: "Oh cool! What's that red one?"
SK: "That's a ruby treasure."
MC: "Awesome! What's that pair shaped one?"
SK: "That's a pair..."
“This says command laction” “I think command laction would take more then one turn”
Achievement Unlocked: America
Some of my favourites come from a friend of mine:
*"Art thee stupid?"*
*"Prune thyself."*
and of course,
*"What art thee yapping about? Go take a walk."*
So many of these go together like a story
I don’t know who Angie is, but I already love them
Warforged: "Sure, and I have an aftplate the size of the San Andreas."
Rouge: *whispering "Really?"*
Warforged: *"No, but I know someone who does."*
"If I need something to burn, I'll *BREATHE* on it."
"Have I been dragon-ing wrong this whole time?"
NPC Sheriff: "Never thought I'd see the day where a stoner druid was a party's Responsible Adult(TM) by default. First time for everything, indeed."
"Mother said there'd be days like this." *Tiamat visibly starts looking nervous* "Who was your mother, again?"
10:53 Hey! That's one I submitted ages ago! You wouldn't believe how giddy I was to hear that in this episode.
"Are you proficient in Fish?"
Our Paladin and Echo Knight Fighter to a mini boss before smacking them with fish combined with a smite to end them
Here's one from my first ever campaign. It's comedically short but gets the point across: "Do not frog me."
"I'm having a party" - said, dying
Yoooo I love this series! Cant wait for more!
"You gave an old man dementia."
“Only moss fears me!” By our dragon born Druid who was disguised as Mario.
“The rat shatters on the stairway wall”
Not all the same campaign:
DM: “jumps through the waterfall…*rolls*…and dies.”
A talking sword meant for my brother when I try to interact with it: “stay where you are, strange little priest.”
A Titan when we did stuff: “My temple is lighter!”
-One session alter-
My brother: “my house is lighter!” And charges through the portal some giants came out of.
DM when I discover a form of cruel and unusual mutilation: *looks at DM2* “YOU MADE THIS WEAPON! What does it do?!”
DM2: “… I don’t know.”
*excited* “Oh it could kill you? Great!”
This was out of context even in the campaign; "Grandma? I KILLED YOU THOUGH, HOW ARE YOU HERE?"
Barbarian kept backstory secret and I as DM allowed it
"Can I roll for forced miscarriage?"
One of the few questions I've said NO to.
"It's called the crackshot for a reason"- first session after I leveled a building, "like I said before. . . It's called the crackshot for a good reason"- my characters last session (he died that sess), I miss him
3:50 You are still absolutely vaporized, just slightly less.
Setting: Rise Of Tiamat
DM to player 1: Wow, you're really over powered"
Player 2 (me): "This shouldn't be surprising, he always makes O.P characters"
Player 1: "Tiamat doesn't know what's coming! I'll show her my O.Pness!"
Cue the rest of the party absolutely losing their sh*t as the look of horror on player 1's face grows as he realizes what came out of his mouth
"Do the tippy-tappies sound evil, though?"
@4:55 then I get a CZcams Ad lol
"It is an immortal potato, it doesn't need air!"
"I have never met a tree that wasn't at least a kittle but suspicious"
"BONES, LIVING BONES!"
“Curiosity killed the Nazis” - My World Traveling Barbarian to a pack of Kobolds and an Orphanage of goblins
"We're here to kill the dragon on top the mountain! What are you doing here? You're in our way!" "I don't see you with no dragon killing sword," says my halfling fighter with said dragon killing sword in hand.
P1: "I'd like to put the tea-cupboard into my bag of holding."
DM: "Okay, so you empty the cupboard into your bag of holding."
P1: "No, the WHOLE cupboard"
"I don't f-ing care if he's a demonic hell beast from another dimension! I wouldn’t care if he was (party member)! He's my target and he will die by my blade!" - Syn, my rogue upon being reunited with the party after eighty years post abandonment of said character.
"I'm going to break you, inside and out, and not lay a single finger on you in the process."
~Byakko, our level 8 Eldritch Knight right before he unleashed a Thunderwave on the bandit lord in a very One Piece Whitebeard-like manner. The bandit lord had 5 hp remaining before getting obliterated.
One of my favorites
"Oath of the nut"
So far in my Transformers campaign, we've only had one quote that sticks in my mind: "Make Cybertron great again."
"To Hells with you. *somantic gestures* GEADE BE UPON YOU!
Dm: "STOP TRYING TO FIST THE TROLL!!!"
“ I thought you said give them broken bones, not break their bones.” -me
Session 3, we start at level 1: "I feel like you're a God"
"No, God is weak"
One of my favorite video series! I see I click!
"WE JUST HAD THOSE DEPORTED!!!"