Eeeep thanks for watching bbs! 🌸 Free toys and gift cards! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.shopbboutique.co/vibe/hitomimochizuki-yt
As a man, it's refreshing to hear you being radically honest with your experience and thoughts. An individuals true and unfiltered perspective as a woman in the world is so important for men to hear and make an attempt to understand. Lately I have been baffled by how often I see engagements between men and women where the woman is clearly uncomfortable and the man is oblivious. It frustrates me to see the lack of perspective and understanding that many men have. Qualities of compassion, empathy, vulnerability and openness to be oneself seem lacking in men and more abundant in women that I've met. My female friends are so full of life and beauty, it reminds me of my childlike nature. I wish more men were able to embrace the kid in them. But somewhere along the way from a boy to a man, society wounded him. It seems that we are all healing from society. Thank you for your insight.
I’m right with you my guy. I was never able to objectify women, when it seemed like all my friends were. Whenever I meet a woman I always see the person first. I don’t know how you turn that off. I have a hard time hanging out with men, most of the time they never talk about anything, whereas women talk about real things, real feelings and thoughts and experiences. I’m actually quite a masculine guy, but somehow I maintained a connection with my inner feminine nature, maybe because I had a good momma.
Your reflections strike a profound chord in the ongoing dialogue about masculinity and emotional expression. It's refreshing to hear from someone who recognizes that societal norms often distort the natural range of human emotions, particularly in men. This misalignment stifles individual authenticity and complicates interpersonal relationships, creating disconnects that are as unnecessary as they are harmful. The journey to reclaiming a more holistic form of masculinity-one that includes vulnerability, empathy, and openness-is indeed a form of healing, not just for men but for society as a whole. By fostering a culture that values emotional richness across all genders, we nurture a more compassionate and understanding world. Your connection to your “inner feminine nature,” as you put it, isn't just a personal trait; it's a revolutionary act in a world that typically demands the opposite. Thank you for embodying this change and for sharing your perspective. It’s crucial for more men to hear these reflections, as they can serve as a beacon for others searching for permission to be their full selves.
@@georgelelandturner what was your mother like? what makes a good mother and what did she teach you or how did she talk to you about things that made you see women as more than just sex objects?
@@nylin8605 I think objectification comes in when there is a disconnection from the unconditionally loving mother principle. Sexual union becomes the only way to access one’s vulnerable heart and allow it to feel free and loved. It can’t be accessed through other forms of relating. There can be an unhealthy dependency on sexuality, like an addiction, and any addict will tell you the first thing that serious addicts lose is their sense of morality. There can be ignorance and manipulation of the essence of a woman in order to access the object, which is only one small part of her being, and not the most important one by far! On the other hand sexuality is a great gift that women offer men for re-integration of their fractured being.
I recently discovered that I have a fear of being loved or like ppl being interested in me in ANY WAY. Its kind of crazy but thats the journey im on rn
19:00 Lots of people confuse unconditional love with an unconditional relationship. There is no such thing. Every relationship has its conditions. And when these conditions are broken, one can part ways with unconditional love for each other...
“sex is the easiest thing” 💯, i think about this so much some people have trouble with physical intimacy i think, but emotional intimacy is so much more difficult and vulnerable
I'm going through a phase of feeling really negative towards men bc of the way women are sexulised in society. It's like I'm seeing for the first time how ingrained it's always been and I'm really struggling to not be turned off by straight men bc I'm constantly thinking about how they view us (consciously and subconsciously). I'm in a big "they don't deserve our beauty" mood (i think it stems from the ease at which they've had access to it through constant objectification over the years) and it's hard to separate that it's not individual men's fault
same and its hard being in a relationship with this lol I feel guilty for second guessing his intentions sometimes but its because I have these negative feelings abt all other men
Thank you for speaking about being scared of men. After some recent sexual trauma I've been so triggered by even just swiping thru men on dating apps or reading about a romantic male lead in a book. It's good to know I'm not alone in struggling to navigate that
Such an important conversation. Learning not to automatically see myself through the male gaze seems like a lifelong process. But also allows me to see men as actual people, too!
As a man, I’m learning so much from you. I remember a couple of years ago when I subscribed, I thought this stuff was way too left field. Now it’s front and centre. Thank you deeply, I really want to spread this message through my own life.
Not to offend, but I am curious why you subscribed and followed her for years if you thought what she had to say was too left field until recently? What were you drawn to for all these years, what were you getting out of watching her channel if not for her offered insights and conversational topics (since they were 'too left field' in your perception).
@@sovereigncrux I will limit my response because I perceive some preconceptions in your question. I subscribe to many channels, even though I do not regular watch their videos. Something about Hitomi’s channel kept me subscribed, and slowly I came to understand her POV. There was a part of me resonating with her message, but a larger part was confused or put off by it. Then, as I’ve grown, I got it and actually accepted the feminie part of myself. It wasn’t her appearance, I wondered why she didn’t cover up more, but I get that her body is an important part of her identity. Is that satisfying to you?
@@hunched_monk3279 honestly i was the same way. i was watching for the lols until i realised she's happy beautiful and confident, i can't get that level of beauty but her simple recipes for happiness are easily replicated. However, i stopped being a subscriber because youtube is a curse. I still think about her videos often and watch them when I'm upset. She's a really powerful personality and healing spirit, and I would watch her if she looked like steve buscemi i promise. If steve buscemi was spitting off those facts id tune in
you seem like a very wise and receptive spirit. May all of life’s lessons find you well and flow thru you in abundance. Thanks for sharing ur experience
I love that you're putting into words what most women have felt. Many, many if not most men can be predatory. Males are socialized to internalize abusive constructs about women that somehow find a way of coming up time and time again. Even very self-aware men hold some beliefs that objectify and ultimately dishonor women. I wish I had told my younger self to be less trusting of men as a whole. I have to actively remind myself that a man can present with all the right words and be hiding a darkness within.
Yeah, I was so naive in my 20's. I really thought that older men saw me like I saw me- a kid. I didn't realize that I was something they weren't going to protect but use. It took until my 30's to realize how untrustworthy many are- even ones that I've dated and loved. Most of them did not have my best interest in mind. And the handful of married men who hit on me was an eye opener too. I thought I was safe with married men. Not the case at all. I am now at a point where I'm mostly disgusted with them. It's not fair to lump the totality of them in it but my guard is up unless they've earned my trust.
@@LavenderHazelwood Oh yes the older men we interact which we think are giving us a fatherly love but they are thinking that they "scored" by talking to a young woman, I even see comedic scenes in movies and shows about this.
@@weirdasff I also learned that in general, you cannot say anything sexual as in- joke, story, etc. purely as a friend relating your life because many interpret that as an invitation. I don't even breech the topic even if I have a funny story to tell.
I feel the need to say this: I work at a mountain biking shop. I'm the ONLY woman that works there.. sometimes I feel so overlooked. Man, the negative stories I could tell you that has to do with my gender.. recently I started a ladies ride for other bike shop chicks in my town. It's been a breath of fresh air. Riding with them has made me a better rider and I've had way more fun.
I am a men and I just wanted to thank you so much for these videos Hitomi!! 🙂 It really helped me to understand women better and I can resonate so much with what you're saying in all of your videos. In this one you definitely gave me an insight how hard it could be to find guy friends for women. I have always been trying to talk more to a soul when talking to girls rather than fantasising anything sexually. I was wondering if you ever plan to start a podcast. I would love to listen to you talking longer about these topics as I learn so much every time!! Thanks so much seriously:))
I feel so understood, and the part where you said that you would feel nervous about men when they are around you, like wondering what they want from you, is exactly how I am when I’m around any men that is talking to me or flirting or honestly just LOOKING at me. I feel uncomfortable sometimes, and I knew I wasn’t the only one but seeing how a lot of girls in the comment understand and you especially make me feel so much better about it. I’ve been on a journey for this and these videos help me much on gaining my confidence!!
fear isn't always a bad thing. Fear can help keep us safe. It is actually a good thing for women to have a level of 'fear' of men, because men as a group do pose a real threat to us, moreso than anything else in our lives. It is our bodies keeping us safe. With more information and getting to know an individual better we can overcome that with new information inputs.
The safety of marriage to one man who you know truly loves you, asked you to be his lifelong partner. That is such incredible intimacy, no one is going anywhere, we know eachother's weak areas. He knows how I like my tea, how I feel by one look at me. We have a language just in our eyes and expressions, if one of us is uncomfortable we know it from one look. We also have our own friends and interests, a really healthy balance. Love that sticks. xo
@@omotayosatuyi252 it’s unfortunately not something that can be easily controlled. It’s a fear that comes up in the body after trauma. It sucks because a lot of the time the fear isn’t rational but it comes up so strong to point where you can’t breath sometimes.
@@Loveandlo interesting I completely get it if it is a trama thing but you gotta heal from that. I'm not trying to dismiss it at all since obviously horrible to do, but you can't stay in the place you have to work through that. I completely get what your saying though
Hitomi ! I have been watching you for almost 6 years now and its beautiful to see how we all go through similar cycles. I also am in a phase of celibacy, and just trying to learn and experience what a safe and respectful relationship looks like. Thank you for always being so intimate with us and speaking on topics that some of us never get spoken to about.
oh my, the part about shrinking into yourself around men as you don’t trust them or know their intentions is SOO relatable& comforting to hear someone else saying it 💗I’ve been celibate for 2 years after a toxic/ traumatic relationship with a man. I have also just bought my first toy with bellesa so thankyou so much& I’m so excited to begin adventuring with myself sexually again& opening that door to more healthy sexual relationships, starting with myself 🥰
hitomi I hope this isn’t weird to hear but in a parasocial way you are like a big sister I always needed and never had. i grew up in a very toxic and hyper masculine environment and your content and energy has always been such a comfort to me. as I am growing and getting to know myself, i am so thankful for your voice. you are literally my role model, thank you so much for sharing your existence with the world❤️
I'm only half way through the video right now, but-- once again I just want to comment on how gorgeous and WISE your vulnerability is. Your ability to clearly express these beneath-the-surface experiences with "obligational interactions" is helpful-- Your awareness of your own experience has shed awareness on mine, and that is a gift! Secondly, I just want to validate and extend a big hug to you with all of this. Particularly when you talked about your sexual energy becoming "theirs" (the men who you were having sex with/ who were attracted to you). WAY too often we disempower women and teach them to tend to the needs and desires of everyone else-- sex absolutely an extension of this conditioning. It makes me think of "the dark" interpretation of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"-- where beauty is literally possessed by those who are looking. Anyways-- thanks again lady and to everyone else out there!!
I'm savoring this video for another time but I just had to come here to say - these talking videos are basically already a video podcast. I mean any video is pure poetry but with the just talking to the camera straight you are already doing your podcast Hitomi! ❤🤩 Now back to my moment in awe and excitement, lying on the floor, the window open so I can listen to the rain and thunder outside. A candle is burning, my string lights are on and the lightning in the sky is adding more magic.. just contemplating life and community and such. What a blessing it all is. What a blessing..
Awee thank you for inviting me into a moment of your beautiful world. Feeling your peace and reflection as my own 😌🙏🏽 And I think eventually I will just have a podcast and a yoga channel!! Then post on here whenever I’m doing something interesting heh thanks for feeling the vibes
@@HitomiMochizuki222 I am drafting too many possible responses, it is hard not to get stuck in my head.. I just have to say, even if it feels kinda cringe, that it made me really happy to see you reply. You have had a huge impact on many people's life I imagine, and I am one of them. Whenever I struggle to lead with love I remember that it is possible, using your videos to reaffirm. When I tap into that frequency any person awakens a sense of appreciation and gratitude in me, without having this huge parasocial relationship, but some places and some people just make it easier to enter that. I am devoted to become such a lighthouse too ❤ "a walking permission slip".. I hope that you have all the peace and love you share so generously. Take care! 🌻🙏
I am so happy to randomly encounter this video. All of us women have our magic permanently hindered from the centuries of, y'know, all the abuse, bodily mutations, exploitation, destructive bias and ect under the conflict between men. We just carry this ancestral trauma in us in what seems to be forever now and NOBODY seems to talk about it !! Thank you Hitomi for shedding light to this topic
They really do... I tried explaining to a man, whom I thought was evloved... about how women are not really dressing for the male gaze, but for ourselves... He said women shouldn't wear thongs... 😵 They may be a lost cause... not sure!
You talk about a very deep and personal topic and you deserve to be heard. You deserve an ear for your sexual expectations. No one can read your mind, but you can spell out what you need, one human to another. ”Love is a decision, sex is something that happens.” Sharing is caring !!! I support you as you embrace the journey of love and sexual satisfaction in the present and beyond. Thank you for opening up and being your own best friend !!! ❤❤👩
Love this!! The women in my life have also taught me what real genuine love, respect and connection is... it sets the standard now with any friendship/relationship now!
you are GLOWING BABYGIRL!! God's got you so so covered! I want to thank you for your videos! Ever since I discovered you 3 years ago, your sense of self and understanding of the world has always been admirable. You are such a beautiful, kind, and gentle soul. Keep being you and keep sharing your love. You are changing lives and guiding men, women, girls, boys, and everyone in between to lives where they aren't afraid of who they are. You've taught me so much about sexuality, comfort within sex, and everything in between! I'm coming out of my fear of sex as a fellow sensitive girly. I also have had the best periods since I've discovered you. You have a video about your moon cycle that has helped me love and appreciate my womb for what she is and what she brings to me. Thank you my love🥹❤💐
I love you so much Hitomi! Your posts always come right at the perfect time. For over a year I’ve identified as a lesbian, coming to terms with the facts that “men just won’t ever understand me” and to feel truly seen and held in a relationship feels like number 1 priority for me. But two weeks ago I went to Peru and met this man whose heart space was just so open. He was so kind and really respectful and passionate about the work he was doing, and passionate about Mother Earth. It was SO attractive and I realized I was deeply affected by him. It was very innocent and nothing came between us, he probably had no idea how I felt lol! But it opened this door that I thought I had closed forever. Made me realize that maybe it is possible to have “good” men in the world, ones who are sensual and in their bodies and passionate, who care about Mother Earth and aren’t disgusted or misunderstand parts of womanhood. Your video was so needed as I am navigating these new thoughts! How cool to always be able to delve deeper into ourselves, to learn new things even when we think we’ve figured it out lol! Thanks for being so candid and open about your feelings and requirements. I think you inspire so many people and are therefore changing the world just be being you. You’re such a blessing! Much love💖🕊️💐🌬️✨
Most men think being "good with women" means sleeping with a lot of women but how many women did you make uncomfortable in order to do that? I'm lucky to have had a lot of female friends in my life and heard and seen so many men ruining the vibe with their sexual neediness or much worse. Guys who have never been chosen don't realize that women are actually competitive and will pursue the man they like. You have to give women a chance to like and then pursue you. I advocate another way. Make a lot of friends. Dont do anything extra. Don't do anything uncomfortable. Focus on having fun, adventure, connection. It will probably eventually lead to romance. But even if it doesn't, you made a lot of friends and brightened a lot of days
Good response. What would you say in regards to people who gatekeep out people due to either their ikk or phobias? More often than that, that competitiveness often prevents some guys a😢nd gals to be included from even participating beyond shallow public events.
None of this tracks with what I've seen. In fact, this is a fast way to remain single for life. Women don't pursue, not even the men they like. They feel it's beneath them. Also, yeah, you're gonna have to make some women uncomfortable before you learn how the game is played. There's no way around it. You make them uncomfortable before you get good at it and then you don't make them uncomfortable.
I'm SO glad you did this video. I have 3 sons who are now young adults and have taught me SO much about males and myself in relarionship to men. I've come to deeply understand the affect of patriarchy on them as much as us, and one thing I know for sure is that women MUST be radically honest with themselves and men. Our not doing so puts us AND them in precarious situations that we must own! By doing so, we deepen in our knowledge of self and therefore ability to connect and be present in the world.
Im also trying to reconcile with my unwanted fear and resentment towards men after being assaulted and harassed, growing into a young woman the past few years. Its been really hard because I dont want to feel or think this way but the world is just a rough place that kicks you when your down. I hope we can all heal and find a safe space and community with people who deserve us and treat us right ❤
The part about your fear of men... I was at a gas station the other day and my car wouldnt start. In trying to find someone with a car to get a boost I asked several women as they were pumping their gas. None were willing to help but I sensed fear from the moment I said "Excuse me...". It was like they all immediately turned on their internal danger signals and I could sense a fear in their voice and seemed very uncomfortable as they all said something along the lines of "Sorry I'm in a rush" and quickly drove off. After several attempts I stopped asking women as I could see this was making them uncomfortable and eventually found a man that helped me to boost my car. This fear of men is real!!
This was delightful, Sis! As a man, I often feel intimidated talking to women. Some kind of emotion takes over, and my true self fades away. So hearing this from a female perspective was truly pure and refreshing. I definitely want to have female friends that we can have that trust and respect to be completely open and have deep conversation like these ! I am open to receive universe ! Love & peace to you all beautiful people 🙏😇
I love the transparency you have in this video! As a young woman relearning sex and intimacy right now I can relate to all the topics and thoughts shared. I've found myself enjoying the company of men now, not in an intimate way, but just in a platonic way. It's refreshing and serves me way more than constantly having to answer to a man that is "in to" me. It also eases the fear of abandonment, intimacy, and commitment that I have.
wow the lingering fear/anxiety around men is so real! still very much working through this myself (I've tended mostly to go the avoidant path and limit my interactions with men out of that fear) so thanks so much for sharing your thoughts🥰 also totally agree, genuine female friendships are the sweetest!
i admire you so much hitomi. i admire that you can express yourself, all of your feelings and thoughts and beliefs so freely and confidently. i admire that you know yourself so well, you know exactly what you need and how to get it. i admire that you're so kind to yourself, you have so much patience with yourself and it helps me do the same. watching and rewatching your videos over the years also helped me become more and more self aware and in every video of yours, you say at least a few things that i note down and read as affirmations and they've helped me pick myself up again and again. you're genuinely so brave for speaking about your life and being so vulnerable on the internet. you're the one creator that i actually truly resonate with and it feels so good to know there's someone that feels the way i do, simultaneously being able to embrace it so proudly and nurturing yourself. you're truly a role model to me and the kindness you show to yourself ends up becoming the kindness i show to myself and it makes me cry because i never thought i'd ever get to feel fully accepted for who i truly am or show myself this much compassion and love and understanding. you change lives so effortlessly, by simply being yourself and i aspire to be like you
such a good topic, feeling a lot wether physical or from a soul level is such a burden but also such a blessing. just being our truest selves I think is the best gift you can do to yourself and to the others ❤
Very relatable as a woman! The fear and the need to come across as polite is constant and almost daily. Thanks Hitomi as always for your impeccable ability to word daily experiences!
I’m literally in my room watching this video and doing the “snaps” like I’m vibing with someone’s art at a poetry reading.❤ This is such a beautiful perspective and so important. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable
As a man I’m kinda sad that we do not really have close friendships like that where we can be open and vulnerable. Every time I tried that with someone they would run for the hills. As a man, the only close form of intimacy comes from a woman, at least in this current culture. I long for the ancient Roman or Greek times where lifelong close male friendships seemed to be a thing, but this has been bred out of us regrettably and the only form of relation we can have as men is when it involves some type of activity or competition. And of course bodily contact is forbidden and seen as “gay”. Many men haven’t been touched by someone in years, it can easily happen. And of course, would it then surprise you if such a man meets an attractive woman that he would jump at her with all he’s got, like a hungry feral dog at a steak?
I love all your videos but this one is especially relatable to me. I’m at a place where I can only build relationships from *mutual* authenticity so if it doesn’t click, I know immediately, but speaking that truth is still so uncomfortable!! Worth it, but not easy. Side note - just because you have this comfortability and love with someone doesn’t mean you should always make it romantic/sexual. Platonic relationships are so divine and can be the epitome of true love if you let it, bask in it, and communicate it
yes, i don't have the energy to vet men- and even after we do, and try to be super careful, they still disappoint... not to mention, the men who harm us the most (including physically, leaving us with long-term trauma, and even to the point of ☠️) are often the ones closest to us. life is a lot more peaceful and fulfilling sharing with women 💆🏻♀️🌸 i just don't care for men anymore 🤷🏻♀️
I am someone who has some beloved male friends. They are my guiding post on how men that deeply care about me should show up. And yes there have been a blurred lines, but I'm grateful for the current friendships. I love the relationships you share with your girlfriends and share with us. My female friendships help me love myself so much more deeply bc I feel totally unmasked. Loved your video.
This is SO RELATABLE!!! This is really the video I needed right now. I struggle a lot with the same things as you and I saw myself as 'weak' that I felt so much anxiety around men and that I let my boundaries get crossed often AND that in a room with a man, I totally forget myself and my needs and just try the please the man out of fear and only think of what HE wants. It is so nice to hear you say that and forget about the shame I feel around it. Letting go of shame is the first step for me and then seeing it for what it is: I'm allowed to stand up for myself and set my boundaries and it's normal and okay I still struggle with these things :) It is so nice that you normalize all these struggles in this video, thank you
To hear your story and how similar it seems to my experience with men and how sex was more of an obligation than a want, makes me feel seen and validated. Thank you for always sharing your vulnerable side of your life, it really makes it seem like we aren't alone in our thoughts about this topic from the shame and guilt to the confusion about how one navigates around this.
Such a powerful message! Haven’t heard many women talk about this and i very much appreciate it, as i deal with weird, conflicting, and uncomfortable feelings around men too. Thank you for talking about vulnerable topics and sharing the wisdom you have gained with your sisters 💞♥️ much love!
Keep embracing your authenticity and prioritizing connections that add to your life in meaningful ways. Your journey towards understanding intimacy and love on your own terms is commendable, and I'm sure it will continue to guide you towards deeper fulfillment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences so openly.
I have a lot of friends that are girls (girl friends? I feel weird typing female friends) and I agree so completely with the unconditional love that comes from those friendships. Whenever I am down on myself or discouraged they have so many wonderful and sweet things to say to me to raise my spirit and vibe and I think it's because they see that I'm sensitive and kind and I think girls just get it more? Like My guy friends if I have problems generally just say something to the effect of "you'll get through it" and they see my energy differently. I think that's why I connect so differently with my girl friends than my guy friends, there's this social expectation for men that is still so strong to bottle up emotions and be strong and not show signs of weakness and for men it still feels like there's something transactional in interactions that makes it harder for me to connect with so many men because I was raised that way and have been unlearning that all throughout my life and I can read that in the way that even some of my friends talk to or about women.
I'm very new to getting back in touch with my energy and to fully love myself, but listening to videos like this and journaling is really making me so fulfilled, it's really helping me have a whole new perspective of really being alone and by myself. It's honestly very freeing and like you said empowering. I loved the "all of me can exist in any space I create", I'm always so insecure of shining too much but now I'm going to let my love out and spread to everybody.
Being fully rooted in my divinity and Self has been, what has felt like, a lifelong journey. Without being conscious of it I have been afraid or avoidant of men while still being attracted to their energy. The fear and violence that has loomed over the mere potential of being in an semi-intimate space with men has led me to reshaping my experience and actions. While I have definitely become more neutral towards men as I have asked myself relentlessly “Who am I?” with a spiritual lens, I still have the boundaries you spoke of Hitomi. I am so grateful for this video because YOURE RIGHT we must be radically honest with the men we interact with (with our safety prioritized, of course).
This video resonated with me so deeply. For a while now my biggest struggle with true intimacy (with myself and others) has been stunted because I feel like I can’t speak my truth in how I’m feeling, or I feel obligated to be with someone sexually to have the connection of love and safety that I seek. Thank you for sharing your thoughts❤️
I’m not sure about most peoples experiences but I would say there is definitely truth to the experience that women often go through when it comes to safety and men. There’s always this possibility about the “what if” happening that lingers. For me, it presents itself with guys I don’t know well and I’ll automatically plan just for my own safety and security. However, I think there’s some sociological answer as to why this happens frequently. I’ve been hurt by both women and men in my life yet I’ll only plan for possible violence with men. Anybody else had this experience?
Absolutely, but the interpersonal violence that has been inflicted on me has only been at the hands of men. I've been hurt emotionally by women but not ever physically...I have been raped twice, had at least two other instances of attempted rape, I've been hit by a man - with his hand and by having TWO DRINKS from the same person thrown on me. It hasn't been until I started getting to know the men in my counselor education graduate school program that I truly came to see some men as having hearts. I still do not prefer them (except sex - I do enjoy sex with men and trying to with women too). I'll take a woman every single time in life. When I finally experience and love sex with a woman, then the men can truly get in the trunk.
Reflecting on the video's themes, the discourse about engaging with our intrinsic sexual energies in a mindful and intentional way resonates profoundly. As a man, it is pivotal to navigate this dynamic terrain with awareness and responsibility. The fear and vulnerability expressed about intimate connections highlight a universal human experience, underscoring the importance of confronting these feelings with courage and openness. Engaging with our deepest emotions and desires can often lead to transformation, pushing us to evolve into the individuals we aspire to be. Thus, the journey through our fears and desires isn't just a path to personal satisfaction but a profound quest for authenticity and growth. Embracing this aspect of our human experience with intention and mindfulness can lead to a more fulfilling and profound understanding of our relationships and ourselves.
I don't mean to nitpick but we have a bad habit of overcomplicating connecting with people, especially involving the different sex when humankind has bonded with each other during the days of sticks and stones. I used to have that same mindset about the dynamics of connecting with women but it actually held me back because I was making something out to be much harder than it is, especially when some random dude would just up and talk to a woman like it's nothing and they would hit it off well. You just gotta put yourself out there as a person with whoever you talk to and see where it leads. All you really need is a mouthpiece (charisma, game, gift of gab) and situational awareness. Believe me, most women aren't like Hitomi and most of what you have said might just bore her.
@@TheyCallMeSledge I appreciate your point about the simplicity of human connections. While it's true that straightforward interactions can often be effective, it's important to recognize that people vary widely in their emotional and experiential backgrounds. Not everyone finds the direct approach suitable; for some, understanding the nuances and complexities of interactions is crucial. Respecting these differences can help us forge deeper and more meaningful connections, even if it might seem complex to others. Each approach has its place and can be valuable depending on the context and the individuals involved.
I've revisited this video a few times over this past month. It really helps me to feel validated. And you probably won't see this but I've been following you for years and when I left mormonism and really started questioning who I was and what I believed, your channel helped me so much! I had soooo much shame attached to so many parts of myself. This video really validated how I feel sometimes around men, and I'll definitely be using those questions in the future to help navigate if I truly feel their intentions are bad, or if it's coming from my past. Thank you so much for your light and love always
I'm in my late teenage years and I'm going through this journey too after realizing that fear doesn't serve me or even make me feel safe anymore it just keeps isolating me more and more. hearing you saying 'fear of men is real' was SO VALIDATING. I've always felt alone in this fear. and your asian upbringing sounds a lot like the arabic upbringing i've lived in, so it gave me hope that i still can change and be the woman I've always dreamt of. thank you for this video and I'm so excited already to watch your other videos!
Literally I always double down on the anxiety and begin to ask myself: " okay how can i literally shrink so much for this man until im literally a scrap of recyclable paper" and it's really hard for me to come to terms with the truth that this was all somewhat unnecessary; or that even if I was doing it to survive it doesn't have to continue that way
It's so interesting because in the last 6 months I have found some lovely friendships with men that are actually really positive and connecting and feel healing of my perception of men generally. There have been instances where these new friends have been open about feeling an attraction to me, but because of how honest we are about our inner world it has merely felt like an attraction to my energy/ presence and In that way I don't really take it personally and thus don't get uncomfortable. Plus the fact that they keep things respectful and still engage with me in a way that feels like there's not agenda other than human connection. I am radiant and so I think the people vibrating at the same level will feel some sense of attraction, my comfort zone is keeping your intentions honest and no self serving agenda- as soon as it feels like the flirtation is to sleep with me and less humorous or them living fully in their own body I know I might need to reconsider.
Thank you. Everything resonated with me. Have avoided men for almost 3 years because of all the fear... Learning to say no to obligational interactions is the next theme.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience I’m terrified of men and get a pit in my stomach when I see a male stranger come up to me. I’m always on guard and ready to run or fight. I wish that I wasn’t so scared but you just can’t tell with people. If wasn’t so scared I would go hiking alone. I would go outside at night just to look at the stars.
It’s crazy how so many in our generation is going through the same thing. My friends and I were just talking about only having friendships with men. And how starting off as genuine friends seems to lead to the best romantic connections later on because you truly know, respect and see the other as a whole person! I love this for us! Definitely a sign of validation from the universe in what I am going through.
Stopped feeling safe in my body 3:05 14:20 requesting men to just be friends role play 15:00 reserving Aphrodite energy 18:20 having a wall up when you first meet them because of anxiety
hi Hitomi 🫶! your videos always come to me at a season in my life where your truth goes straight to my being- as a queer woman I’m navigating what my relationships with men might look like after feeling so much of your fears too. leaning into my female friendships has anchored me & if you have any more to share on your experiences like in this video they would be VERY welcome for this little queer! thank you ❤️
I find it extremely important that you were able to say what I’ve been feeling for years. I have never felt so seen in regards to my sexuality in my life. You hit everything on the nail. I use to think something was wrong with me but this video just gave me the biggest hug that I needed.
You know what, I have never ever felt that comfortable with a man. I want to, but it’s just knowing what they desire most that takes it away. I like how you put into words this whole video.
You look so much more strengthend and settled in yourself and this is really wonderful to see . It inspires me every time to watch your videos as i feel i am getting really closer to the woman i already am deep inside but have to hide it away for so long ....actually makes me cry. But now it's time to let her out , and i feel accompanied by your journey to your most authentic female self. And that's a real comfort 😊 thanks for being here and for making those videos! Please keep going. You'll find what you're looking for ;) love
Yessss, this really resonates. Only in the last few years have I been shifting my validation away from men. It feels so much better in my body. Women are everything!
this is a conversation i didnt know i needed to have. i feel so seen and you have validated so many feelings/thoughts i've been having over these last few months. thank you so much for sharing your beautifully authentic self and wisdom with us!!! sending so much love to you
I have been on this journey for the past 3 years and it is so assuring to hear you speak about the exact same experiences and feelings as I’m going through right now. My boyfriend is a very loving, sweet, gentle person. From the moment I met him I felt safe enough to begin acknowledging my discomfort around him. 3 years later and ive managed to unpack a lot about how I’m actually constantly fearful around men, always putting them first. I can’t even realize when it’s happening, I just lose control of myself and make all of their needs my needs and then I’m depressed and sad because I have completely forgotten myself. Sex terrifies me for this reason because I let my boundaries get crossed without even realizing. It has been such a challenging journey to learn how to speak up and not feel incredibly guilty for expressing my discomfort or needs. It’s like to also point out something that others might relate to. My boyfriend, although a very loving partner, DID have a tendency to push against my boundaries. I also have a tendency to lie and not speak up about my boundaries. He still struggles with this, which made me very scared of him, but I am practicing expressing when I am scared to and he is making genuine efforts to not negotiate with me when I express a boundary. His energy has scared me, but that he is making a genuine effort to make me feel comfortable even though it’s against his nature and that consistent action makes me feel way more comfortable around him. Being a girl is HARD, I’ve minimized myself so much in my life to serve men. Finding a balance between putting myself first and being kind and unstressed to my partner is going to be a long journey but it’s paying off.
Thank you for this!! Thank you for providing the words and validation for my experience dealing with my fear of men. It's something I have been grappling with my whole life but had trouble defining and accepting. You said it perfectly, being around men brings up anxiety, smallness, and puts me on edge, and while I can feel so aligned and empowered around women, as soon as there's men around I just disappear. As I'm getting older I am _slowly_ stepping into a more authentic and unapologetic self, thank you for providing this space so I can meet myself with compassion as I navigate this journey
wow!! you've done it again. literally every single video of yours I watch, I feel more complete and more sure of myself. you're such a gorgeous light in the world, thank you so much for continuing to share your experiences and your wisdom. thank you thank you thank you
When I watch your videos I feel so stripped and myself. I realize when I’m not grounded I avoid receiving your content but when I’m in a good place mentally I know that I’m right where I need to be. You’ve felt like a big sister figure for years in my life. Continue being yourself and sharing this experience.
Thank you for sharing this. I also experience a lot of anxiety with connecting with men and it’s a very conflicting experience because I am interested in forming those connections. I’ve been challenging myself to learn to deepen my relationship with truthfulness … that means asserting boundaries firmly with the men around me and retreating if I feel unheard. I also try to be cognisant of how my anxiety can hinder how openly I allow myself to connect with men so I try to be open minded / a blank canvass when I connect with someone so I can truly get to see them and understand without the narratives I have of men. It’s a bit of work but I guess the growth is necessary to expand one’s ability to Love truly, deeply and authentically.
thank you so so much for making this video and opening up about this issue. it’s something i deeply struggle with and you inspire me to commit to working on my fear and hopefully overcome it. so much love and gratitude! 🕊️❤
I fucking loved this video so much! 🩷 I feel exactly the same about this topic and about female* friendships and women* in my life! Being with men can be so exhausting, even in friendships. I love how your face lit up every time you were talking about women 🫶🏼
Eeeep thanks for watching bbs! 🌸 Free toys and gift cards! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.shopbboutique.co/vibe/hitomimochizuki-yt
love bellesa!
Thank you so much for this new video ❤ Have a wonderful day 😊
Airvibe is 10/10
Oplll8ll8o990ppp0ppp999pl90o😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😅😅❤❤@@samanthagoldberg
Yesterday, I bought a $39 toy and $69 toy for a total of $64. So the $39 toy was free thanks to the discount😊. @@user-ky1if8jg2q
As a man, it's refreshing to hear you being radically honest with your experience and thoughts. An individuals true and unfiltered perspective as a woman in the world is so important for men to hear and make an attempt to understand. Lately I have been baffled by how often I see engagements between men and women where the woman is clearly uncomfortable and the man is oblivious. It frustrates me to see the lack of perspective and understanding that many men have. Qualities of compassion, empathy, vulnerability and openness to be oneself seem lacking in men and more abundant in women that I've met. My female friends are so full of life and beauty, it reminds me of my childlike nature. I wish more men were able to embrace the kid in them. But somewhere along the way from a boy to a man, society wounded him. It seems that we are all healing from society. Thank you for your insight.
I’m right with you my guy. I was never able to objectify women, when it seemed like all my friends were. Whenever I meet a woman I always see the person first. I don’t know how you turn that off. I have a hard time hanging out with men, most of the time they never talk about anything, whereas women talk about real things, real feelings and thoughts and experiences. I’m actually quite a masculine guy, but somehow I maintained a connection with my inner feminine nature, maybe because I had a good momma.
Loved reading this thoughtful and wonderful response 🤍
Your reflections strike a profound chord in the ongoing dialogue about masculinity and emotional expression. It's refreshing to hear from someone who recognizes that societal norms often distort the natural range of human emotions, particularly in men. This misalignment stifles individual authenticity and complicates interpersonal relationships, creating disconnects that are as unnecessary as they are harmful.
The journey to reclaiming a more holistic form of masculinity-one that includes vulnerability, empathy, and openness-is indeed a form of healing, not just for men but for society as a whole. By fostering a culture that values emotional richness across all genders, we nurture a more compassionate and understanding world. Your connection to your “inner feminine nature,” as you put it, isn't just a personal trait; it's a revolutionary act in a world that typically demands the opposite.
Thank you for embodying this change and for sharing your perspective. It’s crucial for more men to hear these reflections, as they can serve as a beacon for others searching for permission to be their full selves.
@@georgelelandturner what was your mother like? what makes a good mother and what did she teach you or how did she talk to you about things that made you see women as more than just sex objects?
@@nylin8605 I think objectification comes in when there is a disconnection from the unconditionally loving mother principle. Sexual union becomes the only way to access one’s vulnerable heart and allow it to feel free and loved. It can’t be accessed through other forms of relating. There can be an unhealthy dependency on sexuality, like an addiction, and any addict will tell you the first thing that serious addicts lose is their sense of morality. There can be ignorance and manipulation of the essence of a woman in order to access the object, which is only one small part of her being, and not the most important one by far! On the other hand sexuality is a great gift that women offer men for re-integration of their fractured being.
“women have taught me how to be loved” YES
NO
@@crvlad lol okay vlad
Many are taught by a man
@@queteimporta7049 nope, we learn it through sisterhood. Most men don't know how to truly love women due to their lack of emotional intelligence.
I recently discovered that I have a fear of being loved or like ppl being interested in me in ANY WAY. Its kind of crazy but thats the journey im on rn
I second this . But im the most desperate person actually (internally) .
meeeee
same here loo
@@CUTE-ve1ix Same it’s so embarrassing but so true
relating to all of you. hope we can heal from it quickly and peacefully !!
i reccomend everyone to find a book titled Womens magic truths on borlest , it goes deep into all of this and it changed my life
did u just troll me... u bot
19:00 Lots of people confuse unconditional love with an unconditional relationship.
There is no such thing. Every relationship has its conditions.
And when these conditions are broken, one can part ways with unconditional love for each other...
That's a great point.
That was a very beautiful thing put in a very beautiful way. 🦋
That's absolutely it. Perfect.
“sex is the easiest thing” 💯, i think about this so much
some people have trouble with physical intimacy i think, but emotional intimacy is so much more difficult and vulnerable
I'm going through a phase of feeling really negative towards men bc of the way women are sexulised in society. It's like I'm seeing for the first time how ingrained it's always been and I'm really struggling to not be turned off by straight men bc I'm constantly thinking about how they view us (consciously and subconsciously). I'm in a big "they don't deserve our beauty" mood (i think it stems from the ease at which they've had access to it through constant objectification over the years) and it's hard to separate that it's not individual men's fault
Literally this
I feel the same , it hurts so bad 💔
It’s so frustrating. I’m 27 and haven’t gotten over it. Just accepted it
this was so perfectly put
same and its hard being in a relationship with this lol I feel guilty for second guessing his intentions sometimes but its because I have these negative feelings abt all other men
Thank you for speaking about being scared of men. After some recent sexual trauma I've been so triggered by even just swiping thru men on dating apps or reading about a romantic male lead in a book. It's good to know I'm not alone in struggling to navigate that
You're not alone ❤
Sending you lots of love 🫂💖
power to you
You should avoid men entirely. Choose the bear.
@@gaozhi2007waw soo much empathy
Such an important conversation. Learning not to automatically see myself through the male gaze seems like a lifelong process. But also allows me to see men as actual people, too!
As a man, I’m learning so much from you. I remember a couple of years ago when I subscribed, I thought this stuff was way too left field. Now it’s front and centre. Thank you deeply, I really want to spread this message through my own life.
Not to offend, but I am curious why you subscribed and followed her for years if you thought what she had to say was too left field until recently? What were you drawn to for all these years, what were you getting out of watching her channel if not for her offered insights and conversational topics (since they were 'too left field' in your perception).
@@sovereigncrux I will limit my response because I perceive some preconceptions in your question. I subscribe to many channels, even though I do not regular watch their videos. Something about Hitomi’s channel kept me subscribed, and slowly I came to understand her POV. There was a part of me resonating with her message, but a larger part was confused or put off by it. Then, as I’ve grown, I got it and actually accepted the feminie part of myself. It wasn’t her appearance, I wondered why she didn’t cover up more, but I get that her body is an important part of her identity. Is that satisfying to you?
@@hunched_monk3279 honestly i was the same way. i was watching for the lols until i realised she's happy beautiful and confident, i can't get that level of beauty but her simple recipes for happiness are easily replicated. However, i stopped being a subscriber because youtube is a curse. I still think about her videos often and watch them when I'm upset. She's a really powerful personality and healing spirit, and I would watch her if she looked like steve buscemi i promise. If steve buscemi was spitting off those facts id tune in
you seem like a very wise and receptive spirit. May all of life’s lessons find you well and flow thru you in abundance. Thanks for sharing ur experience
@@ItsNanna97 Thanks friend, I appreciate you sharing that. Blessings to you too :)
YESSS sensitive girlies unite, trying to balance their sexual and intimacy needs. thank you hitomi xx
I love that you're putting into words what most women have felt. Many, many if not most men can be predatory. Males are socialized to internalize abusive constructs about women that somehow find a way of coming up time and time again. Even very self-aware men hold some beliefs that objectify and ultimately dishonor women. I wish I had told my younger self to be less trusting of men as a whole. I have to actively remind myself that a man can present with all the right words and be hiding a darkness within.
+1
Yeah, I was so naive in my 20's. I really thought that older men saw me like I saw me- a kid. I didn't realize that I was something they weren't going to protect but use. It took until my 30's to realize how untrustworthy many are- even ones that I've dated and loved. Most of them did not have my best interest in mind. And the handful of married men who hit on me was an eye opener too. I thought I was safe with married men. Not the case at all. I am now at a point where I'm mostly disgusted with them. It's not fair to lump the totality of them in it but my guard is up unless they've earned my trust.
@@LavenderHazelwood Oh yes the older men we interact which we think are giving us a fatherly love but they are thinking that they "scored" by talking to a young woman, I even see comedic scenes in movies and shows about this.
@@weirdasff I also learned that in general, you cannot say anything sexual as in- joke, story, etc. purely as a friend relating your life because many interpret that as an invitation. I don't even breech the topic even if I have a funny story to tell.
Omgggg literally everything u said about being scared of men and having your reflexes on 100.
I feel the need to say this: I work at a mountain biking shop. I'm the ONLY woman that works there.. sometimes I feel so overlooked. Man, the negative stories I could tell you that has to do with my gender.. recently I started a ladies ride for other bike shop chicks in my town. It's been a breath of fresh air. Riding with them has made me a better rider and I've had way more fun.
women have taught me how i want to be loved.. yes absolutely even just in my friendships 🥺 like my girls are my whole world
I am a men and I just wanted to thank you so much for these videos Hitomi!! 🙂 It really helped me to understand women better and I can resonate so much with what you're saying in all of your videos. In this one you definitely gave me an insight how hard it could be to find guy friends for women. I have always been trying to talk more to a soul when talking to girls rather than fantasising anything sexually.
I was wondering if you ever plan to start a podcast. I would love to listen to you talking longer about these topics as I learn so much every time!! Thanks so much seriously:))
I feel so understood, and the part where you said that you would feel nervous about men when they are around you, like wondering what they want from you, is exactly how I am when I’m around any men that is talking to me or flirting or honestly just LOOKING at me. I feel uncomfortable sometimes, and I knew I wasn’t the only one but seeing how a lot of girls in the comment understand and you especially make me feel so much better about it. I’ve been on a journey for this and these videos help me much on gaining my confidence!!
fear isn't always a bad thing. Fear can help keep us safe. It is actually a good thing for women to have a level of 'fear' of men, because men as a group do pose a real threat to us, moreso than anything else in our lives. It is our bodies keeping us safe. With more information and getting to know an individual better we can overcome that with new information inputs.
your comment comforted me, thank you so much ❤
The safety of marriage to one man who you know truly loves you, asked you to be his lifelong partner. That is such incredible intimacy, no one is going anywhere, we know eachother's weak areas. He knows how I like my tea, how I feel by one look at me. We have a language just in our eyes and expressions, if one of us is uncomfortable we know it from one look. We also have our own friends and interests, a really healthy balance. Love that sticks. xo
Hearing you talk about your fear of men is so deeply validating
I don't really get it though yes it sucks that she feels this way but to be fearful every time she is around a man is well interesting..
@@omotayosatuyi252 it’s unfortunately not something that can be easily controlled. It’s a fear that comes up in the body after trauma. It sucks because a lot of the time the fear isn’t rational but it comes up so strong to point where you can’t breath sometimes.
@@Loveandlo interesting I completely get it if it is a trama thing but you gotta heal from that. I'm not trying to dismiss it at all since obviously horrible to do, but you can't stay in the place you have to work through that. I completely get what your saying though
Hitomi ! I have been watching you for almost 6 years now and its beautiful to see how we all go through similar cycles. I also am in a phase of celibacy, and just trying to learn and experience what a safe and respectful relationship looks like. Thank you for always being so intimate with us and speaking on topics that some of us never get spoken to about.
oh my, the part about shrinking into yourself around men as you don’t trust them or know their intentions is SOO relatable& comforting to hear someone else saying it 💗I’ve been celibate for 2 years after a toxic/ traumatic relationship with a man. I have also just bought my first toy with bellesa so thankyou so much& I’m so excited to begin adventuring with myself sexually again& opening that door to more healthy sexual relationships, starting with myself 🥰
hitomi I hope this isn’t weird to hear but in a parasocial way you are like a big sister I always needed and never had. i grew up in a very toxic and hyper masculine environment and your content and energy has always been such a comfort to me. as I am growing and getting to know myself, i am so thankful for your voice. you are literally my role model, thank you so much for sharing your existence with the world❤️
I'm only half way through the video right now, but-- once again I just want to comment on how gorgeous and WISE your vulnerability is. Your ability to clearly express these beneath-the-surface experiences with "obligational interactions" is helpful-- Your awareness of your own experience has shed awareness on mine, and that is a gift!
Secondly, I just want to validate and extend a big hug to you with all of this. Particularly when you talked about your sexual energy becoming "theirs" (the men who you were having sex with/ who were attracted to you). WAY too often we disempower women and teach them to tend to the needs and desires of everyone else-- sex absolutely an extension of this conditioning. It makes me think of "the dark" interpretation of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"-- where beauty is literally possessed by those who are looking.
Anyways-- thanks again lady and to everyone else out there!!
“People that make it feel easy to me to be honest.” Woooooohhhh THAT PART!😮
I'm savoring this video for another time but I just had to come here to say - these talking videos are basically already a video podcast. I mean any video is pure poetry but with the just talking to the camera straight you are already doing your podcast Hitomi! ❤🤩
Now back to my moment in awe and excitement, lying on the floor, the window open so I can listen to the rain and thunder outside. A candle is burning, my string lights are on and the lightning in the sky is adding more magic.. just contemplating life and community and such. What a blessing it all is. What a blessing..
Awee thank you for inviting me into a moment of your beautiful world. Feeling your peace and reflection as my own 😌🙏🏽
And I think eventually I will just have a podcast and a yoga channel!! Then post on here whenever I’m doing something interesting heh thanks for feeling the vibes
@@HitomiMochizuki222 I am drafting too many possible responses, it is hard not to get stuck in my head..
I just have to say, even if it feels kinda cringe, that it made me really happy to see you reply. You have had a huge impact on many people's life I imagine, and I am one of them. Whenever I struggle to lead with love I remember that it is possible, using your videos to reaffirm.
When I tap into that frequency any person awakens a sense of appreciation and gratitude in me, without having this huge parasocial relationship, but some places and some people just make it easier to enter that. I am devoted to become such a lighthouse too ❤ "a walking permission slip"..
I hope that you have all the peace and love you share so generously. Take care! 🌻🙏
You have no idea how much seeing someone else deal with this validates feelings ive had and im healing/working through💗
I watched/listened end to end, and just hearing it… working on myself, as a man.
Awe thank you for receiving Daniel! 😌🫶🏼
I am so happy to randomly encounter this video. All of us women have our magic permanently hindered from the centuries of, y'know, all the abuse, bodily mutations, exploitation, destructive bias and ect under the conflict between men. We just carry this ancestral trauma in us in what seems to be forever now and NOBODY seems to talk about it !! Thank you Hitomi for shedding light to this topic
"Obligational Interactions"!!!!
(!!!!)
i know! i did a full pause when i heard that
They do feel like that...
They really do... I tried explaining to a man, whom I thought was evloved... about how women are not really dressing for the male gaze, but for ourselves... He said women shouldn't wear thongs... 😵 They may be a lost cause... not sure!
@@umbra9029 That's the problem. You guys base everything off of how you feel at the moment. No wonder the stereotype exists.
Honestly currently trying to navigate whether I’m uninterested in men because I’m scared of them or because I’m a lesbian, tough ball to unravel ahah
It's the second one.Hope this helps😊
I feel ya
@@redia8264 lmao fr
straight girlies are still interested in men even through their fear. thats the big difference
@@redia8264lmao right to the point 😂
"I'm rooted in a soft little nest of myself"... beautiful...I like that you always emphasize all the different types of love the universe has for us
You talk about a very deep and personal topic and you deserve to be heard. You deserve an ear for your sexual expectations. No one can read your mind, but you can spell out what you need, one human to another. ”Love is a decision, sex is something that happens.” Sharing is caring !!! I support you as you embrace the journey of love and sexual satisfaction in the present and beyond. Thank you for opening up and being your own best friend !!! ❤❤👩
Love this!! The women in my life have also taught me what real genuine love, respect and connection is... it sets the standard now with any friendship/relationship now!
Thanks big sis as always❤️ investing in sisterhood for eternity 🦋✨
Yess yes yesss 🥳🫂🫶🏼✨ how lucky are weee
you are GLOWING BABYGIRL!! God's got you so so covered! I want to thank you for your videos! Ever since I discovered you 3 years ago, your sense of self and understanding of the world has always been admirable. You are such a beautiful, kind, and gentle soul. Keep being you and keep sharing your love. You are changing lives and guiding men, women, girls, boys, and everyone in between to lives where they aren't afraid of who they are. You've taught me so much about sexuality, comfort within sex, and everything in between! I'm coming out of my fear of sex as a fellow sensitive girly. I also have had the best periods since I've discovered you. You have a video about your moon cycle that has helped me love and appreciate my womb for what she is and what she brings to me. Thank you my love🥹❤💐
I LOVED LEARNING THAT YOU"RE LATINA!!!
I love you so much Hitomi! Your posts always come right at the perfect time. For over a year I’ve identified as a lesbian, coming to terms with the facts that “men just won’t ever understand me” and to feel truly seen and held in a relationship feels like number 1 priority for me. But two weeks ago I went to Peru and met this man whose heart space was just so open. He was so kind and really respectful and passionate about the work he was doing, and passionate about Mother Earth. It was SO attractive and I realized I was deeply affected by him. It was very innocent and nothing came between us, he probably had no idea how I felt lol! But it opened this door that I thought I had closed forever. Made me realize that maybe it is possible to have “good” men in the world, ones who are sensual and in their bodies and passionate, who care about Mother Earth and aren’t disgusted or misunderstand parts of womanhood. Your video was so needed as I am navigating these new thoughts! How cool to always be able to delve deeper into ourselves, to learn new things even when we think we’ve figured it out lol! Thanks for being so candid and open about your feelings and requirements. I think you inspire so many people and are therefore changing the world just be being you. You’re such a blessing! Much love💖🕊️💐🌬️✨
Most men think being "good with women" means sleeping with a lot of women but how many women did you make uncomfortable in order to do that? I'm lucky to have had a lot of female friends in my life and heard and seen so many men ruining the vibe with their sexual neediness or much worse. Guys who have never been chosen don't realize that women are actually competitive and will pursue the man they like. You have to give women a chance to like and then pursue you.
I advocate another way. Make a lot of friends. Dont do anything extra. Don't do anything uncomfortable. Focus on having fun, adventure, connection. It will probably eventually lead to romance. But even if it doesn't, you made a lot of friends and brightened a lot of days
Good response. What would you say in regards to people who gatekeep out people due to either their ikk or phobias? More often than that, that competitiveness often prevents some guys a😢nd gals to be included from even participating beyond shallow public events.
"Most men"?? Women expect that of men too.
None of this tracks with what I've seen. In fact, this is a fast way to remain single for life. Women don't pursue, not even the men they like. They feel it's beneath them. Also, yeah, you're gonna have to make some women uncomfortable before you learn how the game is played. There's no way around it. You make them uncomfortable before you get good at it and then you don't make them uncomfortable.
Glad to hear a guy thinking like this.
Not all guys think this way ya know
Celibate for 226 days and I feel so much more in alignment with myself!💜
I'm SO glad you did this video. I have 3 sons who are now young adults and have taught me SO much about males and myself in relarionship to men. I've come to deeply understand the affect of patriarchy on them as much as us, and one thing I know for sure is that women MUST be radically honest with themselves and men. Our not doing so puts us AND them in precarious situations that we must own! By doing so, we deepen in our knowledge of self and therefore ability to connect and be present in the world.
Im also trying to reconcile with my unwanted fear and resentment towards men after being assaulted and harassed, growing into a young woman the past few years. Its been really hard because I dont want to feel or think this way but the world is just a rough place that kicks you when your down. I hope we can all heal and find a safe space and community with people who deserve us and treat us right ❤
ahhhhhhh I feel so spoiled with the consistent uploads
The part about your fear of men... I was at a gas station the other day and my car wouldnt start. In trying to find someone with a car to get a boost I asked several women as they were pumping their gas. None were willing to help but I sensed fear from the moment I said "Excuse me...". It was like they all immediately turned on their internal danger signals and I could sense a fear in their voice and seemed very uncomfortable as they all said something along the lines of "Sorry I'm in a rush" and quickly drove off. After several attempts I stopped asking women as I could see this was making them uncomfortable and eventually found a man that helped me to boost my car. This fear of men is real!!
This was delightful, Sis! As a man, I often feel intimidated talking to women. Some kind of emotion takes over, and my true self fades away. So hearing this from a female perspective was truly pure and refreshing. I definitely want to have female friends that we can have that trust and respect to be completely open and have deep conversation like these ! I am open to receive universe ! Love & peace to you all beautiful people 🙏😇
You bring me a sense of calm in this crazy world.
I love the transparency you have in this video! As a young woman relearning sex and intimacy right now I can relate to all the topics and thoughts shared. I've found myself enjoying the company of men now, not in an intimate way, but just in a platonic way. It's refreshing and serves me way more than constantly having to answer to a man that is "in to" me. It also eases the fear of abandonment, intimacy, and commitment that I have.
wow the lingering fear/anxiety around men is so real! still very much working through this myself (I've tended mostly to go the avoidant path and limit my interactions with men out of that fear) so thanks so much for sharing your thoughts🥰 also totally agree, genuine female friendships are the sweetest!
I relate to this SO HARD.
i admire you so much hitomi. i admire that you can express yourself, all of your feelings and thoughts and beliefs so freely and confidently. i admire that you know yourself so well, you know exactly what you need and how to get it. i admire that you're so kind to yourself, you have so much patience with yourself and it helps me do the same. watching and rewatching your videos over the years also helped me become more and more self aware and in every video of yours, you say at least a few things that i note down and read as affirmations and they've helped me pick myself up again and again. you're genuinely so brave for speaking about your life and being so vulnerable on the internet. you're the one creator that i actually truly resonate with and it feels so good to know there's someone that feels the way i do, simultaneously being able to embrace it so proudly and nurturing yourself. you're truly a role model to me and the kindness you show to yourself ends up becoming the kindness i show to myself and it makes me cry because i never thought i'd ever get to feel fully accepted for who i truly am or show myself this much compassion and love and understanding. you change lives so effortlessly, by simply being yourself and i aspire to be like you
such a good topic, feeling a lot wether physical or from a soul level is such a burden but also such a blessing. just being our truest selves I think is the best gift you can do to yourself and to the others ❤
Very relatable as a woman! The fear and the need to come across as polite is constant and almost daily. Thanks Hitomi as always for your impeccable ability to word daily experiences!
I’m literally in my room watching this video and doing the “snaps” like I’m vibing with someone’s art at a poetry reading.❤ This is such a beautiful perspective and so important. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable
As a man I’m kinda sad that we do not really have close friendships like that where we can be open and vulnerable. Every time I tried that with someone they would run for the hills. As a man, the only close form of intimacy comes from a woman, at least in this current culture. I long for the ancient Roman or Greek times where lifelong close male friendships seemed to be a thing, but this has been bred out of us regrettably and the only form of relation we can have as men is when it involves some type of activity or competition. And of course bodily contact is forbidden and seen as “gay”. Many men haven’t been touched by someone in years, it can easily happen. And of course, would it then surprise you if such a man meets an attractive woman that he would jump at her with all he’s got, like a hungry feral dog at a steak?
All of the feelings can be complex and overwhelming... great to deepen into becoming The Woman we want to be!
mother is feeding us. ty hitomi
I love all your videos but this one is especially relatable to me. I’m at a place where I can only build relationships from *mutual* authenticity so if it doesn’t click, I know immediately, but speaking that truth is still so uncomfortable!! Worth it, but not easy.
Side note - just because you have this comfortability and love with someone doesn’t mean you should always make it romantic/sexual. Platonic relationships are so divine and can be the epitome of true love if you let it, bask in it, and communicate it
yes, i don't have the energy to vet men- and even after we do, and try to be super careful, they still disappoint... not to mention, the men who harm us the most (including physically, leaving us with long-term trauma, and even to the point of ☠️) are often the ones closest to us.
life is a lot more peaceful and fulfilling sharing with women 💆🏻♀️🌸
i just don't care for men anymore 🤷🏻♀️
I am someone who has some beloved male friends. They are my guiding post on how men that deeply care about me should show up. And yes there have been a blurred lines, but I'm grateful for the current friendships. I love the relationships you share with your girlfriends and share with us. My female friendships help me love myself so much more deeply bc I feel totally unmasked. Loved your video.
This is SO RELATABLE!!! This is really the video I needed right now. I struggle a lot with the same things as you and I saw myself as 'weak' that I felt so much anxiety around men and that I let my boundaries get crossed often AND that in a room with a man, I totally forget myself and my needs and just try the please the man out of fear and only think of what HE wants. It is so nice to hear you say that and forget about the shame I feel around it. Letting go of shame is the first step for me and then seeing it for what it is: I'm allowed to stand up for myself and set my boundaries and it's normal and okay I still struggle with these things :) It is so nice that you normalize all these struggles in this video, thank you
To hear your story and how similar it seems to my experience with men and how sex was more of an obligation than a want, makes me feel seen and validated. Thank you for always sharing your vulnerable side of your life, it really makes it seem like we aren't alone in our thoughts about this topic from the shame and guilt to the confusion about how one navigates around this.
Such a powerful message! Haven’t heard many women talk about this and i very much appreciate it, as i deal with weird, conflicting, and uncomfortable feelings around men too. Thank you for talking about vulnerable topics and sharing the wisdom you have gained with your sisters 💞♥️ much love!
Keep embracing your authenticity and prioritizing connections that add to your life in meaningful ways. Your journey towards understanding intimacy and love on your own terms is commendable, and I'm sure it will continue to guide you towards deeper fulfillment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences so openly.
I have a lot of friends that are girls (girl friends? I feel weird typing female friends) and I agree so completely with the unconditional love that comes from those friendships. Whenever I am down on myself or discouraged they have so many wonderful and sweet things to say to me to raise my spirit and vibe and I think it's because they see that I'm sensitive and kind and I think girls just get it more? Like My guy friends if I have problems generally just say something to the effect of "you'll get through it" and they see my energy differently. I think that's why I connect so differently with my girl friends than my guy friends, there's this social expectation for men that is still so strong to bottle up emotions and be strong and not show signs of weakness and for men it still feels like there's something transactional in interactions that makes it harder for me to connect with so many men because I was raised that way and have been unlearning that all throughout my life and I can read that in the way that even some of my friends talk to or about women.
i recommend reading the book 'the will to change: men, masculinity and love' by bell hooks when you want to learn more about this ❤
I'm very new to getting back in touch with my energy and to fully love myself, but listening to videos like this and journaling is really making me so fulfilled, it's really helping me have a whole new perspective of really being alone and by myself. It's honestly very freeing and like you said empowering. I loved the "all of me can exist in any space I create", I'm always so insecure of shining too much but now I'm going to let my love out and spread to everybody.
you’re the best! your uploads give me so much peace within myself and perspective. thank you for bettering so many peoples’ lives!
Being fully rooted in my divinity and Self has been, what has felt like, a lifelong journey. Without being conscious of it I have been afraid or avoidant of men while still being attracted to their energy. The fear and violence that has loomed over the mere potential of being in an semi-intimate space with men has led me to reshaping my experience and actions. While I have definitely become more neutral towards men as I have asked myself relentlessly “Who am I?” with a spiritual lens, I still have the boundaries you spoke of Hitomi. I am so grateful for this video because YOURE RIGHT we must be radically honest with the men we interact with (with our safety prioritized, of course).
Hitomi, this video was so healing and affirming for me. THANK YOU 🙌
All I ever wanted!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
This video resonated with me so deeply. For a while now my biggest struggle with true intimacy (with myself and others) has been stunted because I feel like I can’t speak my truth in how I’m feeling, or I feel obligated to be with someone sexually to have the connection of love and safety that I seek. Thank you for sharing your thoughts❤️
I’m not sure about most peoples experiences but I would say there is definitely truth to the experience that women often go through when it comes to safety and men. There’s always this possibility about the “what if” happening that lingers. For me, it presents itself with guys I don’t know well and I’ll automatically plan just for my own safety and security. However, I think there’s some sociological answer as to why this happens frequently. I’ve been hurt by both women and men in my life yet I’ll only plan for possible violence with men. Anybody else had this experience?
Absolutely, but the interpersonal violence that has been inflicted on me has only been at the hands of men. I've been hurt emotionally by women but not ever physically...I have been raped twice, had at least two other instances of attempted rape, I've been hit by a man - with his hand and by having TWO DRINKS from the same person thrown on me. It hasn't been until I started getting to know the men in my counselor education graduate school program that I truly came to see some men as having hearts. I still do not prefer them (except sex - I do enjoy sex with men and trying to with women too). I'll take a woman every single time in life. When I finally experience and love sex with a woman, then the men can truly get in the trunk.
Reflecting on the video's themes, the discourse about engaging with our intrinsic sexual energies in a mindful and intentional way resonates profoundly. As a man, it is pivotal to navigate this dynamic terrain with awareness and responsibility. The fear and vulnerability expressed about intimate connections highlight a universal human experience, underscoring the importance of confronting these feelings with courage and openness. Engaging with our deepest emotions and desires can often lead to transformation, pushing us to evolve into the individuals we aspire to be. Thus, the journey through our fears and desires isn't just a path to personal satisfaction but a profound quest for authenticity and growth. Embracing this aspect of our human experience with intention and mindfulness can lead to a more fulfilling and profound understanding of our relationships and ourselves.
I don't mean to nitpick but we have a bad habit of overcomplicating connecting with people, especially involving the different sex when humankind has bonded with each other during the days of sticks and stones. I used to have that same mindset about the dynamics of connecting with women but it actually held me back because I was making something out to be much harder than it is, especially when some random dude would just up and talk to a woman like it's nothing and they would hit it off well.
You just gotta put yourself out there as a person with whoever you talk to and see where it leads. All you really need is a mouthpiece (charisma, game, gift of gab) and situational awareness. Believe me, most women aren't like Hitomi and most of what you have said might just bore her.
@@TheyCallMeSledge I appreciate your point about the simplicity of human connections. While it's true that straightforward interactions can often be effective, it's important to recognize that people vary widely in their emotional and experiential backgrounds. Not everyone finds the direct approach suitable; for some, understanding the nuances and complexities of interactions is crucial. Respecting these differences can help us forge deeper and more meaningful connections, even if it might seem complex to others. Each approach has its place and can be valuable depending on the context and the individuals involved.
I've revisited this video a few times over this past month. It really helps me to feel validated. And you probably won't see this but I've been following you for years and when I left mormonism and really started questioning who I was and what I believed, your channel helped me so much! I had soooo much shame attached to so many parts of myself. This video really validated how I feel sometimes around men, and I'll definitely be using those questions in the future to help navigate if I truly feel their intentions are bad, or if it's coming from my past. Thank you so much for your light and love always
I'm in my late teenage years and I'm going through this journey too after realizing that fear doesn't serve me or even make me feel safe anymore it just keeps isolating me more and more. hearing you saying 'fear of men is real' was SO VALIDATING. I've always felt alone in this fear. and your asian upbringing sounds a lot like the arabic upbringing i've lived in, so it gave me hope that i still can change and be the woman I've always dreamt of. thank you for this video and I'm so excited already to watch your other videos!
Literally I always double down on the anxiety and begin to ask myself: " okay how can i literally shrink so much for this man until im literally a scrap of recyclable paper" and it's really hard for me to come to terms with the truth that this was all somewhat unnecessary; or that even if I was doing it to survive it doesn't have to continue that way
Ugh you covered so many points on this topic that are so validating thank youuu
It's so interesting because in the last 6 months I have found some lovely friendships with men that are actually really positive and connecting and feel healing of my perception of men generally. There have been instances where these new friends have been open about feeling an attraction to me, but because of how honest we are about our inner world it has merely felt like an attraction to my energy/ presence and In that way I don't really take it personally and thus don't get uncomfortable. Plus the fact that they keep things respectful and still engage with me in a way that feels like there's not agenda other than human connection. I am radiant and so I think the people vibrating at the same level will feel some sense of attraction, my comfort zone is keeping your intentions honest and no self serving agenda- as soon as it feels like the flirtation is to sleep with me and less humorous or them living fully in their own body I know I might need to reconsider.
you are speaking truth to POWER here damn 💥 glad you are an influence to so many hitomi!
Thank you. Everything resonated with me. Have avoided men for almost 3 years because of all the fear... Learning to say no to obligational interactions is the next theme.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience I’m terrified of men and get a pit in my stomach when I see a male stranger come up to me. I’m always on guard and ready to run or fight. I wish that I wasn’t so scared but you just can’t tell with people.
If wasn’t so scared I would go hiking alone. I would go outside at night just to look at the stars.
It’s crazy how so many in our generation is going through the same thing.
My friends and I were just talking about only having friendships with men. And how starting off as genuine friends seems to lead to the best romantic connections later on because you truly know, respect and see the other as a whole person! I love this for us! Definitely a sign of validation from the universe in what I am going through.
Stopped feeling safe in my body 3:05
14:20 requesting men to just be friends role play
15:00 reserving Aphrodite energy
18:20 having a wall up when you first meet them because of anxiety
hi Hitomi 🫶! your videos always come to me at a season in my life where your truth goes straight to my being- as a queer woman I’m navigating what my relationships with men might look like after feeling so much of your fears too. leaning into my female friendships has anchored me & if you have any more to share on your experiences like in this video they would be VERY welcome for this little queer! thank you ❤️
So lucky to a women! You’re so good at articulating what every girl feels deep down ✨
I find it extremely important that you were able to say what I’ve been feeling for years. I have never felt so seen in regards to my sexuality in my life. You hit everything on the nail. I use to think something was wrong with me but this video just gave me the biggest hug that I needed.
You know what, I have never ever felt that comfortable with a man. I want to, but it’s just knowing what they desire most that takes it away.
I like how you put into words this whole video.
This is incredibly well said and I am sure how you have described your experience is relatable to so many women and so so helpful- thank you!
You look so much more strengthend and settled in yourself and this is really wonderful to see . It inspires me every time to watch your videos as i feel i am getting really closer to the woman i already am deep inside but have to hide it away for so long ....actually makes me cry. But now it's time to let her out , and i feel accompanied by your journey to your most authentic female self. And that's a real comfort 😊 thanks for being here and for making those videos! Please keep going. You'll find what you're looking for ;) love
Yessss, this really resonates. Only in the last few years have I been shifting my validation away from men. It feels so much better in my body. Women are everything!
this is a conversation i didnt know i needed to have. i feel so seen and you have validated so many feelings/thoughts i've been having over these last few months. thank you so much for sharing your beautifully authentic self and wisdom with us!!! sending so much love to you
I have been on this journey for the past 3 years and it is so assuring to hear you speak about the exact same experiences and feelings as I’m going through right now.
My boyfriend is a very loving, sweet, gentle person. From the moment I met him I felt safe enough to begin acknowledging my discomfort around him. 3 years later and ive managed to unpack a lot about how I’m actually constantly fearful around men, always putting them first. I can’t even realize when it’s happening, I just lose control of myself and make all of their needs my needs and then I’m depressed and sad because I have completely forgotten myself.
Sex terrifies me for this reason because I let my boundaries get crossed without even realizing. It has been such a challenging journey to learn how to speak up and not feel incredibly guilty for expressing my discomfort or needs.
It’s like to also point out something that others might relate to. My boyfriend, although a very loving partner, DID have a tendency to push against my boundaries. I also have a tendency to lie and not speak up about my boundaries. He still struggles with this, which made me very scared of him, but I am practicing expressing when I am scared to and he is making genuine efforts to not negotiate with me when I express a boundary. His energy has scared me, but that he is making a genuine effort to make me feel comfortable even though it’s against his nature and that consistent action makes me feel way more comfortable around him.
Being a girl is HARD, I’ve minimized myself so much in my life to serve men. Finding a balance between putting myself first and being kind and unstressed to my partner is going to be a long journey but it’s paying off.
thank you so much for speaking on so many of our shared experiences, these conversations are so healing ❤
Thank you for this!! Thank you for providing the words and validation for my experience dealing with my fear of men. It's something I have been grappling with my whole life but had trouble defining and accepting. You said it perfectly, being around men brings up anxiety, smallness, and puts me on edge, and while I can feel so aligned and empowered around women, as soon as there's men around I just disappear. As I'm getting older I am _slowly_ stepping into a more authentic and unapologetic self, thank you for providing this space so I can meet myself with compassion as I navigate this journey
wow!! you've done it again. literally every single video of yours I watch, I feel more complete and more sure of myself. you're such a gorgeous light in the world, thank you so much for continuing to share your experiences and your wisdom. thank you thank you thank you
When I watch your videos I feel so stripped and myself. I realize when I’m not grounded I avoid receiving your content but when I’m in a good place mentally I know that I’m right where I need to be. You’ve felt like a big sister figure for years in my life. Continue being yourself and sharing this experience.
16:16 had to type that into my notes to look back on. Beautifully put. That approach spoke to me completely
Thank youu Hitomi Recently decided to go celibate and just use the time to learn about sacred energy exchange uu sending this is jus divine
Hitomi, you’re amazing. Resonate with everything and you keep being the voice of my growth - literally.
I am also at the stage of fearing men and finding my safe space ..your video was so calm and supportive . Thanks a lot
Thank you for sharing this. I also experience a lot of anxiety with connecting with men and it’s a very conflicting experience because I am interested in forming those connections. I’ve been challenging myself to learn to deepen my relationship with truthfulness …
that means asserting boundaries firmly with the men around me and retreating if I feel unheard. I also try to be cognisant of how my anxiety can hinder how openly I allow myself to connect with men so I try to be open minded / a blank canvass when I connect with someone so I can truly get to see them and understand without the narratives I have of men.
It’s a bit of work but I guess the growth is necessary to expand one’s ability to Love truly, deeply and authentically.
thank you so so much for making this video and opening up about this issue. it’s something i deeply struggle with and you inspire me to commit to working on my fear and hopefully overcome it. so much love and gratitude! 🕊️❤
I fucking loved this video so much! 🩷 I feel exactly the same about this topic and about female* friendships and women* in my life! Being with men can be so exhausting, even in friendships.
I love how your face lit up every time you were talking about women 🫶🏼