I Figured Out Which Billionaire Should Be Batman
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- čas přidán 14. 01. 2024
- WATCH MORE - I Could Beat Up Every Spider-Man Villain - • I Could Beat Up Every ...
I apologize to everyone who wanted me to actually rank the Batman villains, but this idea came to mind and I couldn't not do. I spent way too much time writing this one and loved every second of it. Seriously, Mark Zuckerberg is a terrible man.
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I can't think of a name for this series, please help.
Please help (superhero edition). That's the name of the series.
Please Help is an excellent name for this series.
the poop show
Definitely voting for Please Help
May I also suggest you call it: UnNecessary Sleepless Ranting. Or perhaps: No Sleep, Need Answers. Maybe: Nerd Rage, if thats not taken.
The problem with turning one of their kids into batman, is that the kid needs to have a good relationship with their parents.
Damn you're right
you kill their kid and wife. acording to that one alt universe
@user-jt8eu7zi2q not the wife. She becomes the joker.
@@user-jt8eu7zi2q We really do not want a Thomas Wayne Batman.
I want TALOR SWIFT BATMAN Vs. MARK ZUCKERBURG RIDDLER so very much.
Mark Zuckerberg is just close enough to being Batman that he makes a perfect Batman villain
well he is the inspiration for a Ducktales villein.
Next week Batman faces:
THE LIZARDMAN
@@Dr.Death8520 Nah, Spider-Man villains was last time.
Mark Zuckerberg is Owlman in another universe
@DoorMonster Yes Taylor Swift should be batman, but would she be better as a Bond villan?
Can't be batman when you're busy being Lex Luthor.
Frfr or penguin
Lex Luthor is too busy building an online shopping juggernaut so he can ship Superman Kryptonite with same day delivery once he finally figures out his secret identity by gathering everyone's personal information using the same online shopping website.
@@Hebdomad7 Damn, all those cheap shirts Clark had to buy in bulk gave it away...
@@Hebdomad7I feel like I saw a picture of bezoar in a mech and or with giant robot hands
@@henreymichelson no you didn't! Keep scrolling.
The real thing that stops people from being Batman is bullets. Turns out that lots of bad guys have guns and bullets are like super duper difficult to dodge even if you have abs.
It drives me crazy watching superhero shows when the characters just run beside the bullets and never get shot. Like, that’s a machine gun, how are they still alive?! xD
(I can suspend disbelief on the superpowers, and the “science” gibberish, and the cartoon villains. But for some reason running beside bullets is where I draw the line.)
At least modern Batmen have bulletproof plating on their suits
"Who isn't being Batman the most?" is one of the most interesting rhetorical framings I've ever heard.
It is a very „Hey Vsauce“ kind of question
I almost died laughing at the thought that he very much implied that we are two bullets and three theater tickets away from turning one of the most powerful people on earth into Batman.
i am keeping an eye on the news... if it happens we know why
You would also very much need a good butler. As much as Batman is defined by his loss and trauma, without a good man like Alfred to lead him through that dark period, I don’t think he could have transformed that trauma into something productive.
Clearly this is the problem, the missing trigger, modern billionaires have theatres in their large mansions, they dont go out in public.
@@chromesucks5299 I mean a home robbery gone wrong after some family fun would work similarly but lots of rich people probably have their own BFG 9000’s for home defense so idk
@@legogoka-boomstudio1838I can only think of the Big Friendly Giant for BFG and that is a confusing image.
My only complaint is that you consider cryptobros "level-headed"
I mean, ground level is a level.
Yeah, it's not like we had some scandal over crypto currency exchange in the past year or two... oh wait. May be they aren't "level headed".
Don't misunderstand successful cryptobros they are conmen but they are extremely rational conmen that is how they became billionaire while so many of their more excitable and enthusiastic of their collogues lost everything.
They could be batman, they chose to be human smaug
For real
That's HOW they're billionaire. Part of the fantasy of Batman is:
A) That anyone could be Batman if they worked hard enough, bootstraps ect.
B) That someone so powerful CARES about you and will risk his own life to protect you.
In the fictional world of comic books, Batman is somehow still a billionaire despite the majority of his money going to charities, environmental programs, social programs and other ways to help the city and planet.
In reality, being a good person and being a Billionaire are incompatible goals, because a billion dollars is over a thousand times more money than any human would ever use or need outside of a flex.
Good people CAN'T become billionaires because they use that money to help people instead of hoarding it.
Another point in favor of Taylor Swift that wasn’t mentioned is that her rabid fanbase could already be classified as vigilantes. So she would have a truly inexhaustible bat family
No they couldn't 🤣
I used to always say the surest sign the rich are dumb and boring is that none of them made dinosaurs yet. This is a good additional data point on that graph.
Also, I hope this goes viral so we get a week of Elon stewing that he wasn't included on the list despite literally paying journalists to call him "the real life Iron Man."
This made me realize how unlikley it is that Batmans secret identity can remain hidden. Everyone can tell his gender, body type and approximate age. Add to that that he needs to have a very large disposable income and lots of free time AND that he mostley opperates out of one city. His cover would be blown within hours IRL.
This is part of why Joker should be a fellow playboy billionaire who's just bored and wants to cause mayhem and do whatever he wants. Then there's a different candidate for who could be Batman by those that consider the money angle and it would be the height of irony anytime someone mistook Joker's civilian identity for Batman's civilian identity.
I have read several stories where the connection between Bruce and Batman gets deduced, but the person doing it think's Bruce is just funding Batman instead of BEING him. Frankly spending a ton of money to fund a superhero sound more reasonable, and Bruce spends considerable time playing up a persona that noone would think could be Batman.
Writers have tried for that sort of villain before- Hush, Catman... I think there were others but, billionaires that pour their time and money into supervillany are a think in comics.
Considering all the villains who appear out of nowhere with crazy gadgets, the aliens, former government projects, and miscellaneous who knows what... Anyone in universe who says "Batman's gotta be a rich guy" is going to be countered with "Maybe. But what about that homeless guy who attacked Metropolis with a giant robot? He's obviously an alien"
@@timothycarney9652 I'm fairly sure that was also Iron Man's cover story at some point, so I think it could work out. Of course, there's got to be a fair amount of people in Gotham who've guessed the truth but don't have the means to prove it
Step one, give Kyle 1.5 billion dollars. step two, he's The Batman.
But who is going to be spider man then?
Now he can get even less sleep!
@@ProjectEkerTest33 Kyle sleeps? Impossible.
@@ProjectEkerTest33 Dangit, you got here first. 😂.
As a fan of both BDG and Door Monster, I'm loving Kyle's spiritual continuation of Unraveled
Such a shame it happened too late for there being an actual crossover between them..
@@albigoez191BDG is still making stuff, it might not officially be Unraveled but he could absolutely turn up
There is no way this wasn't inspired by BDG and I'm here for it
oh my glob, you're RIGHT! amazing.
This EXACTLY THIS!
I love how well you sell your personal offense at no billionaires being Batman
Batman's wealth actually varies a lot from iteration to iteration. In the DCAU he's apparently rich enough that he can embezzle a space-station through clever accounting.
ehh its not really embezzling when you own the company ;) plus having super powered alien immigrant doing most of the heavy construction really cuts down the costs.
@@bobwish8851 In DCAU, it was pure embezzlement. Superman asks him aboot it. "A line item hidden in R&D".
For reference, a quick google says that the International Space Station costs $3billion per year, and I assume that's not counting the R&D to come up with it and the huge initial costs of getting the first phases up there.
@@gabrielrussell5531 lol I know ;) when batman isnt buying custom made jets or cars for himself he's bank rolling other super's vanity club houses, though with all those confiscated super villain's weapons and other tech not to mention alien anything his companies will be staying comforting in the green in each quarter even with inflated R&D hidden costs and a eccentric CEO who keeps buying hotels or is adopting orphans
@@gabrielrussell5531 for real I know the meme that "batman paid for it all" is funny because it is ;) but from what I remember of the show it was group effort to build the space tree house, with superman, wonder woman and green lantern doing the heavy lifting of forming and slapping it together. flash doing a 100 and 1 tasks per section and the bats himself bringing in and installing the more technical items.
felt more like neighbors and friends coming together to make something only they can make
Jared Isaacman. He's a billionaire that loves doing things like flying fighter jets. He flew on a commercial spaceflight as a fundraising campaign for st. Jude children's hospital.
That part is important. All his big stunts he does he always ties into charity work. He's a cool dude, and would be a great billionaire superhero.
Tough the billionaire does cool things, the fact that he has a billion at his disposal disqualifies him of being a "cool" anything. You either give it away or you are not cool, ever.
He was REALLY close to being in my final five. In the end, it might have just come down to not having enough edge, like he almost felt too "heroic?" But I was on day 4 of writing and tired, so it was also pretty subject to my whims.
@@Ursa_Polaris based
@@Ursa_Polarisoddly I don't think that really factors in
he has a private air fleet.
Yeah, hadn't quite realized just how boring billionaires are these days, but good lord, Kyle makes an excellent point there. Why don't we have a Batman? Something interesting, please.
Because super-villains don't exist in the form they do in the Batman comics. Don't get me wrong, there are still super-villains in our world, but...their names are surprisingly close to those of the 2,640 candidates...
Huh
Well we have some of them in a dick-measuting contest. But... frankly, whatever Elon Musk and Marc Zuckerberg are up to is also terrifyingly boring. If they didn't happen to be among the richest people running around, nobody would bead an eye about their publicity-feud.
Also we have some who went to prison for a lot of (boring) crimes they comitted.
@@robertnett9793Elon Musk certainly has moments of interest but they're more along the lines of showcasing what a TikTok star would look like if they were a supervillain rather than any actual excitement
@@bosstowndynamics5488 ... yeah. For a while it was novel and interesting. I mean he built a flame thrower (a... gas torch really), did some funny stuff...
But it boild all down to: "Look how much money I have, look I don't play by the rules - I make them myself..."
So the novelty wore off pretty fast. Which is a shame seeing all the potential (well ... money) at the hands of a narcicistic man-child, who could do who knows what, just because he felt not appreciated enough.
I think John Oliver put it pretty good when saying "He's all for saving the world, alright. But only, when it's HIM doing the saving..."
@@robertnett9793 The man stod for 80% of all lunches to orbit last year, builds humanoid robots in less than 2 years from nothing and gives internet covering to remote parts of the world like the Amazon forest. But you choose to call it "novel for a while". Man your bar is set so high I din't know if anyone on Earth can see it.
Kyle is already sleeping less than an average human does. A fifth of the way to batman is in the bag.
The "Kyle David Gilbert" show is something I love. Keep up this format
KYLE DAVID GILBERT
Taylor Swift could be Batgirl.
I would go with Jared Isaacman, he is 40 Years old and is 2.2 Billion worth. Isaacman is the Founder of Draken International a provider of tactical fighter aircrafts, is a Jet Pilot and also an Astronaut. 2021 he was the main funder of the Inspiration4 Mission, the Mission was Spaceflight in a SpaceX Crew Dragon Capsule and the goal was to rise money for the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. After that he founded the Polaris Program, a Space Program that will do more Missions like Inspiration4 and do the first private Space walk.
Also a personal note: I know this mainly because of you and your KSP Videos. After the one with Scott Manley I started watching his Videos and got more and more absorbed into everything Space related.
Jared is definitely Batman, he just must’ve paid Kyle to omit him from the list ;P
I love that the first bit is basically just ripping into what a RIDICULOUSLY large amount of money a billion dollars is.
Kyle: "Does that include you? I bet it doesn't."
Me: "... I feel both seen, and offended."
Now I want to start a movement to get Taylor Swift to become Batman
You know, I was a bit worried when they told me Unraveled was ending, but after a bit of a dry spell it seems to have just moved channels. Good to see it back! Brian looks a bit different though, needs to grow his hair back
Didn't get the role of waluigi from his moustache, he's trying with his eyebags
Didn't get the role of waluigi from his moustache, he's trying with his eyebags
Didn't get the role of waluigi from his moustache, he's trying with his eyebags
Didn't get the role of waluigi from his moustache, he's trying with his eyebags
Didn't get the role of waluigi from his moustache, he's trying with his eyebags
Oh my God, this was my favorite door monster video in a long time. I'm a little heartbroken another Kyle didn't pop up in a tardis, say "on it!" And pop out of scene xDD
I'd say that the number one reason no one is batman is because if batman was real he would have too many concussions to function by month 3 of the job
I'm loving Kyle's slow progression into an eclectic video essay maker
Kyle, i dont know if you wrote or merely performed these.. but holy crap are you entertaining in this format. The way you talk, or the pacing of your argumentation, or whatever else, is making the magic come real.
I am looking forward to any future video of you merely speaking to the camera like that. Your are entertaining in your own right.
I could see #3. Batman may be rather interesting, but as Bruce Wayne he makes a point to act like just another boring billionaire most of the time
Yeah honestly went back and forth on him
Its one of the funnier things about Batman as Bruce Wayne because he's not even very good at acting like a normal boring Billionaire. Sure he has the "irresponsible playboy" act down when he needs it but how many existent billionaires have orchestrated almost their entire inherited corporations into being a platform to hire exconvicts with life changing benefits, improve low-quality housing in low-rent areas to provide to the needy at a loss, provide food and educational charities, and probably a dozen other charities I don't even remember or know about? Bruce just can't give away his wealth fast enough and in a very wide-spread, non-Billionaire like way. Maybe even because reinvesting in his community and employees ended up improving his company's income.
Iirc, The only way the comics could ever even explain the constant myriad of corruption, charity undercuttings, and hyper-fast entropy into decay in the face of all he does was with an ancient curse on Gotham and actual demonic/eldritch involvement.
“Is that you?… I bet it isn’t.” Fuckin killed me😂
I would never suggest inflicting trauma on my fellow human beings.
Billionaires, on the other hand...
"Totally expected, or totally out of left field... Mark Zuckerberg."
Is it wierd i think both apply?
> vr headset with bombs that kills you if you die in game
Man's trying to recreate SAO but thought microwaves were too sophisticated.
I had a really great time watching your delivery of:
"... You're Lebron James."
The other problem with being batman is that in addition to having dead parents and being a billionaire (which is already a big enough hurdle for most people) you also have to be in ridiculous physical shape (he can bench like 1000 pounds and knows over 100 martial arts) and also insanely smart (like 12 different masters degrees smart)
"Does that include you? I bet it doesn't."
😂😂😂😂 Holy shit I have never felt so personally roasted and toasted and laughed so hard at the same time.
Thank god our billionaire leaders weren't directly threatened by this video, I cant imagine the trauma it would have inflicted on them
Poor guys would had to make a 30 day holiday to release all that stress.
I would enjoy a Taylor Swift as a member of the Bat Family.
11:36 this guy looks more like he would want to be Booster Gold than Batman.
I'm glad you have decided to take up the mantle of Brian David Gilbert to produce more Unraveled.
Glad to see Door Monster is still asking the real question
"Peter Parker, that's just you and me". Literally every skinny, brown-haired white boy loves Spider-Man.
I want to hear more about this sending out Theatre ticket plan…
I love this video! It’s reminiscent of the old BDG Unraveled videos.
the number one being a naive optimistic health-guru makes perfect sense as the next gen playboy persona batman has as bruce wayne.
Josh is absolutely Batman. He's boring. That's the perfect cover. NO ONE WILL EVER THINK HE'S COOL ENOUGH TO BE THE BATMAN!
That tickets gag was incredible. What a way to end it.
Batman did his batmaning into his 60s before he took terry under his wing to be batman in the greatest sequel show of all time, batman beyond.
Yessss new door monster content!!
When I saw Zuckerberg I was going to mention the genocide in Myanmar but you beat me to it. Yeah if the Holocaust Museum (the one in DC) has to dedicate an exhibition to bringing attention to something that you significantly helped cause maybe that’s a bad sign.
Great to see more of this! Loving the energy.
3:01 Wow, not-BDG. You really didn't need to call out my year-long job search like that
I believe there are 2 big mistakes in this video. One, you forget the cost of the time needed to actually doing all that training. I don't think any billionaire would have the patience for doing that rather than paying other people to do whatever they want.
Two, the motivation to becoming Batman is, at least partly, to rid Gotham of the crime that took his family away, and no billionaire would spend... any amount of money on doing something that barely helps them at all. Even Jared Isaacman, who I read about in this comment section, likely does his charity work to make himself look good rather than because it's the best way to help, while being Batman would mean nobody would know that they are the one helping.
This is one of the greatest Door Monster videos. There are a lot (the DnD parody is my favourite), but this one is damn close.
3 min in and can tell this will fill the hole BDG left years ago. Subbed.
"during those weird years" with the awkward smile is SO funny
Man l love your silly comic book content, i never thought i would want this, and now i never want it to stop!
I was waiting for you to bring up one of the most important elements of Batman: orphan child. Then you delivered at the end.
you are such a natural fit for this kind of content, I love it for you... its wonderufl and so is this video
YES. You made another!!! These are fantastic Kyle. Thank you so so much.
This really picked up some BDG Unraveled energy about a third of the way into it and I’m very here for it
Really enjoying these unexpected rants/analytics
Turns from comedy to biting social commentary... No, back to the comedy. So well played. 😆
So what im hearing is that your number 1 isnt Batman, but Iron Fist?
Thank you for filling the hole Brian David Gilbert made when he left polygon. Your content has made my day for years and this new "series" is perfect to watch❤❤❤
this is amazing, love this style of content from you
You know what, Kyle. You convinced me. Don't go to sleep after all. These vids are pretty fire.
There was a batman villain who did exactly this process to learn Batman's identity, a hyperintelligent AI named D.A.V.E. who narrowed down the candidates and found Bruce Wayne.
These videos are definitely on point! I think the rant was great by the way 😂
That was a VERY LOUD silence that came before the, "I dont know what that is."
"They'd probably have their own gun."
For the record, I LOVED that you spent half of the video figuring out what SHOULD BE the video. Tangents and getting off track... that's classic fun content. :) I'm in the ride, not just the result.
I screamed "YEEEAAAHH" out loud when you said Zuckerberg, that was my first guess.
Already watched this embedded in the discord, watching it here again cuz its just that awesome
If you used your Billions to create a private police force, you do more than Batman ever could...
Hm. It gives you pause, when you think that Zuckerberg could be Batman about 10 times over and still be the fifth richest guy in the world.
Ok, now do Green Lantern.
Couldn't Green Latern be basically anyone with a bit of Ho- oh. Yeah. That really narrows it down.
The penguin has a gun umbrella
"That doesn't make any sense!"
Welcome to superhero comicbooks.
Do the 800 Million it needs to be Batman include the Justice League Space Station? I feel like that would be oddly cheap for a bustling space station with teleporters, artificial gravity and a death laser.
Probably not. I think this is a Batman starter pack. The station is the next level/DLC.
To date the ISS (which is the closest thing to the Justice League Space Station we have in orbit) has cost around a hundred and fifty billion dollars to build and run. I'm willing to allow that the Justice League might be able to cut costs by skirting things like building codes, but I doubt you could slash costs by that much.
@@insignificantgnat9334
Superman can carry material into space and probably even weld parts with laser vision. That would cut a lot if not most of the cost, since building parts on Earth is relatively cheap compared to lifting it all into space piece by piece by launching dozens and dozens of rockets
I mean multiple flying super strong aliens helped build it. Might have saved some money.
@@insignificantgnat9334I don't think space has building codes either way
I love this idea of you doing similar but totally different rant. You rock. :)
The thing thats missing is a supervillain
You should become a secret supervillain so someone has to be batman
Feeling strong Brian David Gilbert influences here, and I love it.
This is delightful.
Kyle, you're delightful.
"Unfortunately, we just can't go back in time to change that..."
Why do I sense a trip to IKEA coming soon?
Door monster on their way to rebranding to Cadmus and engineering a new Batman, Batman Byond style.
I will eat the Batman
so the sexy way or the gross way ...
@@thomasloyal4525 The way all billionaires should be treated
Something I wanna mention in defense of these people not becoming batman, you don't need to have one billion dollars in your bank account to be a billionaire, you need to own one billion dollars worth of assets, meaning that most of them couldn't actually afford the roughly $800,000,000 to become batman, because that would involve selling off most of the things that make them money without it losing a good portion of it's value by them selling it all, which is kind of impossible to do. However, most of them could probably afford it all over time with some effort and luck.
Amazing video comrade Kyle!
this was an unreasonable amount of frantic research and energy... and I love it
I finally finnished this.
This is the BEST door monster yes video so far and i have seen all of them. He even got the continuity in there!
... Which... Ehen is our next beard guy vid?
This was on another level! One of the best ones.
Love this new series
This new format is really funny
13:35 go on, I'm listening...
bearded one? new hobo lore dropped?
For the whole thomas being batman, wouldn't it be similar to how spiderman or scarlet witch occur across multiple instances of multiversal variations, but not necessarily are all spiders peter parker? I believe they were termed "nexus beings"?
MY GOD you're good at this!
Please, take your time, take care of yourself, and go on, I'll be watching.
Just, whatever.
I'll be watching.
Great video! :) Love it