Dating While Being Black, Gay, Single, and Lonely
Vložit
- čas přidán 8. 02. 2021
- What it's like to date while being black, gay, single, and lonely.
Stream Samuel Lavon's latest project "The 10 Year Collage" now.
Available on all platforms where music is available!
FOR ALL SOCIAL MEDIA AND CONTACT INFO:
Email: childerssamuel@gmail.com
Instagram: / samuellavon
Facebook: / samuellavonm. .
Twitter: / samuellavon
MUSIC:
Spotify : open.spotify.com/artist/6jZMt...
Website: www.samuellavonmusic.online - Hudba
![Beyond Labels | What does it mean to be Black and gay in the UK? [GMFA]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/rireSSuEX8Q/mqdefault.jpg)
It’s so refreshing seeing more black gay men on CZcams discussing real topics
Thank you! I'm trying to show other sides of us because many think we are all the same without ever talking to us.
💕
I have always wondered how hard it is for gay men especially in the black community to grow up in households that they aren’t allowed to be themselves in and then try to “catch up” after they’re adults and on their own. It’s so sad to have to hide for so long. Fortunately, it seems like the world is evolving for future generations of gay men and lesbians.
It was very difficult! Thank you for watching, I was a little nervous to talk about it in detail.
@@samuellavon4846 don’t be nervous! I love the transparency. Your real supporters will always be here, and it’s best to weed out the fake ones now.
@@LayDee_Bug thank you so much for that.
People don't realize that colorism is also blatant in the black gay community. you can have preferences but some of them are just self-hating.
100%
You touched on some very key points in this video regarding the state of dating from a black male perspective. I’m in my 30s and the dating game can be very discouraging when you only see people who really don’t want to be vulnerable enough to pursue anything of substance in regards to dating.
It’s a combination of fear of rejection, lack of self-love, feeling unlovable and unworthy, believing that your needs won’t be met in a relationship etc. We probably are one of the few social groups that is taught from day 1 to hate ourselves both in and outside of the household for being black and gay. That internalized hatred manifests itself into not even knowing what healthy love is. We only really know what toxic love looks like (chasing emotionally unavailable men, putting up with abuse/abusing others, manipulation and mind games).
Ultimately we must collectively do the inner work to heal from these mistaken beliefs and address the wounds that have manifested themselves into what we are seeing now.
I could not have said that any better myself.
Like you
My heart aches 😭
This is so scary, I feel like I’m watching myself talk to myself. I have the same dating experience in this community. Even me trying to make genuine friendships with gay men has been difficult.
Don't mean to scare you. Something told me I can't be the only one and I'm just doing my best to share that.
This video made me cry because it’s something that I struggle with as a gay black male
Don't cry! Just keep going and pushing through and life will lead you to the one. It's good to take notice of our feelings because it helps us navigate the world differently. We just have different path to get the results we want as black gay men. Things will change. That I can promise.
Likewise
People don't talk about this enough. Black gay men have it so hard when it comes to dating. I'm in a relationship now, but this video it taking me back to when I was insecure at 18-24 in the dating scene. When you're black that alone already limits your options in the dating scene because non black men aren't really checking for black men like that unless they have a fetish for you OR they're just un selective and washed up. Then you have a lot of black gay men that are colorist and only want to be with a non black man. The whole dating scene is just a mess for us.
I am not sure what circles that you travel in .. but there are plenty of all black spaces where black men are only seeking other black men. If you go to predominantly white bars or social spaces.. then yes, you will find a plethora of self hating, pathological snow queens in those spaces. I have an excellent social life .. and all black everything.
There are a lot of bl@ck gay men who will flat out tell you that they don't even date black men. It's not about the circles anyone travels in, it's about the thoughts people have about others and themselves subconsciously. You can see it clear as day on social media and dating apps. It's even more prevalent because of social media. And this is not about your or my individual experience, this is about community. Yes their are alot of black gay men who are in happy relationships but that doesn't negate the fact that there are probably just as many if not more who are not in happy relationships or any relationship at all. Take yourself out of the equation and just look at the overall community of black gay men.
@@samuellavon4846 white men complain about gay relationships as well. Relationships are difficult regardless of race or ethnicity. I can point you to CZcamss and other social media with white men complaining about gay relationships. My original comment still stands.. it definitely depends on the circles that you travel. If you go to white clubs, get on Grindr and other sites and social media that cater to white men then of course you will find a plethora of self hating, twisted, pathological snow queens. Yet, there are plenty of sites, bars, underground clubs or even cruising areas that are predominantly black spaces. Black men who go there are obviously not looking for white people because that would be self defeating if those sites are obviously mostly black. Many black men even go to cities that cater to black gay men like Atlanta and DC .. rather than LA ..because they are looking for black men. Not all black men are mentally disturbed snow queens, fortunately
I never said they don't exist. But White gay men aren't dealing with what Black gay men are dealing with. We are dealing with a plethora of things. But if you're one of the lucky ones who's not dealing with it, I'm very happy for you. I stand by what I said. We are not wallowing in sadness but we know what we experience on micro and macro levels. Nobody said that white gay men don't go through things, you're shifting the focus. I'm happy that you're not experiencing this, but it doesn't mean others are not.
@@samuellavon4846 I am not shifting the conversation at all. I addressed the fact that many black men are not pathetic, self hating snow queens and that there are many black affirming spaces where black men go specially to meet black men. Also, I addressed the fact that relationships in general.. particularly gay relationships and dating.. are often difficult and problematic. There are many white CZcams channels discussing that issue.. it’s not particular to any specific race or ethnicity. You were not clear about what “ things” that black men go through that are specific to black gay men .. particularly black men who don’t care about white acceptance and validation. Yes, America is a racist society.. but that’s why I limit my contacts with white people and surround myself with positive, black affirming people. I’m not even attracted to white people in any way, shape or form. My life has been the better for it
Wow, this spoke VOLUMES...Everything you discussed is me exactly. I'm at a point in my life that I have given up and accepted the fact that I will grow old and be alone. Even though I'm still relatively young (but considered old in the gay community), I was thinking about who I would leave my homes, cars, 401K, and valuables to once I leave this Earth. As you have stated, sex appeal is way more important to most gay fellas than a responsible regular citizen. Men with a Body will always supersede a great person even if the person with the body is trash. They will still pick them over you. Keep up the good work! Glad to have discovered your channel.
I'm sorry to hear this. I have made up my mind that if I don't have a partner, I'm just going to leave my things to my niece. I'm not going to stress over it. Hopefully you and I and others get a chance to truly love someone and be loved before we leave this life. That's my prayer and hope for all of us.
Love the video because being gay is a lonely life and many will travel on without ever experiencing love. Growing up gay in a household especially if Black and parents are unaccepting will be a difficult journey which many are forced to live in secret for fear of what could happen should they come out. I recall a story where a father murdered his son simply because he was questioning his sexuality. Samuel Lavon you're a good looking guy and sadly many in the gay community are focused on the physical attributes of a man as opposed to what's in their heart and how they're treated. Guys on these apps don't even know the meaning of cuddling unless sex is involved.
I know it may feel like love will never come but there’s someone out there longing for the same kinda love you desire! Just be open hearted (SLIGHTLY) to receive that one’s love. Looks fade, weight changes but true love stays!! Be encouraged my friend! It’s going to happen!!
Thank you so much for that!!!
"we are at an adolescent phase at an adult age"
Bruhhh...that resonated with me!
Also, you have a beautiful smile...damn.
Thank you for the compliment on my smile 😊😊! Also thank you for subscribing!
@@samuellavon4846 I'm 12 mins in, and I'm all in my feels because everything you've said so far is my life ...and I don't feel so alone anymore, because there's someone else on my wavelength. Thanks for sharing our truth, I feel validated. 😌 Also, you're welcome😁
@@Shem-mania That's why I made it. I was definitely on the fence about sharing because so many hateful comments I have received in the passed. But I knew I wasn't the only one. I just tried to speak from a place of truth and honesty. I'm finding my tribe on these youtube streets🤣. Also happy that you have found someone that is on your wavelength!
@@samuellavon4846 ...I would thoroughly enjoy a conversation with you, I can tell. I hope it happens one day. Just not in the reply section of youtube. Hahaha☺️. PS, I've gotten those half assed compliments too, "you're handsome for a dark guy" or "you'd be sexy if you worked out more"...ughhhh, instant block and delete. I am whole and enough!
I hope you know you're handsome, intelligent and talented AF, just as you are! Don't every forget it.
Longer reply than I intended, sorry. 😅
@@Shem-mania don't worry about the long comment. I really appreciate it. It helps me to know that I'm helping someone else...
As a gay man who wants a traditional relationship with marriage eventually and maybe children (Kids are a maybe) it's cuts my dating options down by alot,but I stand my ground.I tried rushing into things quickly,but that ended poorly for me.
I'm taking my time right now though with a therapist to help me with my mental state .Im talking to someone right now,but I'm taking things slowly.There are gay men out there like me who wants to have a traditional relationship and a family one day hopefully there's just not many of us.
I’m one of em!
Here here! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Same for me 🙌🏾🙌🏾
Yeah, a lot of younger people seem to be disinterested in monogamous relationships; instead preferring NSA hookups, open relationships and the like.
I know this is coming 2 years later, but you hit the nail on the head for me. I tried dating and continuously got rejected. I decided to stop because I was tired of the reject and go to school. I ended up getting my Bachelors and Masters, buying a house, and moving up in my career, which is all great, but now I am back to trying to date again and finding the same rejection. I am very close to giving up. I am a black man living in Seattle.
💔 what’s your age?
@@kendallbr9166 47 now, soon to be 48
I’ll be honest I’ve had so many men who aren’t black ask me on dates, and want to get to know me. But when it comes to black men, It’s like a brick wall. So many issues it’s sad because I do want a relationship with a black man.
I use to think that since im on this dating app there has to be some like me on here as well. Boy was i wrong! Apps are not the place to meet guys who want to genuinely get to know u and date. Dating for me has not been the top priority as it once was and i believe in order to find someone u have to get in those spaces. But due to covid that seems impossible for me now. Oh well. U can't truly miss something u never had. And im starting to see no matter your lifestyle relationships aint what its all crack up to be. We gotta learn to love ourselves more become the best version of ourselves and a potiential relationship will be a bonus not a requirement. Great video. Peace
An honest, excellent and articulate presentation of a condition that many can relate to across many countries and cultures. Highly appreciated is the fact that you rejected the advice of those people who "advised" you to lose weight, which is disrespectful of you and your personality. Greetings from Southern Africa.
Thank you so much for your kind words and watching my video.
I rarely comment on videos, but I can so relate to what you shared in this video. I too checked out of dating one point of time. So I chuckled when you mentioned that in this video. I'm in Atlanta so the access is plentiful if you just want to meet someone for a surface level interaction but I find that attempting to get to know someone of substance has been, well like you said, throwing spaghetti on the wall to see if it sticks. I read another comment where a brother grew a disdain against black gay men after his experiences, and I've been there too however, now in my 30s I look at things differently.. MUCH differently. I agree it gets a little lonely sometimes, but I always carry a little bit of hope around with me. Wishing everyone that stumbles across this video and even you Samuel a love story specifically tailored just for you. May that relationship be worth the wait and that it bring you overflowing joy, love, abundance and a sense of emotional safety.
Its definitely a growing process. And it can be overwhelming! Its honestly good to know it's not just me feeling this way. Thank for watching and commenting.
@@samuellavon4846 oh no, you’re not alone lol. #ANewSub
Although I'm not a gay black man myself, as a gay latino man I see some mirror similarities in dating experiences as well. You touched on an important piece on cultural competence; having to do the work to constantly explain my culture to a different race. It's so exausting. You would think that living in multicultural city it would be 'easy' to meet anyone but ironically it isn't 🤷♂️ it's ok to have a bugger in your nose, lol 🤣
Wow! But that's why I make these videos, to help others and those who might find commonality in the experiences that I'm talking about. I can't speak for everyone but I'm so glad that you were able to connect with what I was saying.
I'm gay and have Aspergers, so meeting someone is a bit hard. (Too socially awkward.)
Why is it hard for u?@@up3315
Thanks for sharing brother. You’re not alone. This is so soothing to watch because I’ve felt alone in feeling this way, but to hear you speak so eloquently about the situation makes my day.
The aim is to teach parents that not all kids follow the rules when it comes to genetics and society. We are the same but different, and wonderful too.
I know this video is over 3 years old, but you hit the nail on the head. I belong to Bigger City, and I'm looking for a guy just like you were. I hope a relationship has blossomed for you.
I appreciate you for making this video! You are speaking truth to power.
WOW, PREACH brother , Preach. I feel and agree with everything you spoken about
The struggle is definitely real out here
What you speak is real and genuine. YOu speak from your heart, eyes, and mind. This video truly resonated with me. If someone was to ask me, how are you; I would refer them to this video. BIG hugs out to you for recording and uploading such organic content.
I always say there are 2 puberty. A physical one and a social one.
Sitting here feeling lonely this day and found your video. I can so relate and its comforting to feel im not the only one! Thank you for feeling confident enough to have this honest conversation. And to all those in the comments thank you too! Love from London, UK.
Being emotional and sensitive is like kryptonite in the black gay community. Everybody looking for something right now. It's disheartening.
I've even considered dating women.
I don't even wanna be attracted to men anymore. They play these emotional games that I'm jus not here for. Now that I come to realize who I am and my worth.
Unfortunately I think showing emotion is a big problem for black men in general. They don't know how to do it. And unfortunately women take on these ideologies because of the men in our communities.
I too am considering dating women. it's too much being black and gay and it's very lonely.
@@BMW9661if you are naturally attracted to women go for it, but just dating the opposite sex out of spite won't get you far
Good and necessary talk bro.
I dig you Bro. I look forward to listening to your music.
Thanks man. Hope you enjoy it.
Don't you worry bro. You will meet someone for you someday who will appreciate what an amazing person you are
I’m really glad you made this video and I just happened to discover it on my feed. I completely agree with everything you said in the beginning (I didn’t watch the entire video to comment ) but what struck me is when you said it’s a lonely life . I 100% agree but now when I look at it , I rather be lonely and focus on myself and my growth than waste my time with someone who’s not really in it for me. It sucks being lonely that I’ll say, but it’s like you’ll get this urge to not tolerate someone’s BS(experienced that plenty of times before haha).
I’m a new subscriber and I like your content and your realness, and me as a black gay man I can relate.
Heartfelt and sincere. A good message.
You have SPOKEN your words are so TRUE and DEEP.
👍
The irony is as a gay white guy I think black guys are hot. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling in dating. If it's any consolation, every gay guy probably experiences loneliness from time to time.
And you can probably bag up a Black man faster than he can.
U are absolutely right! I feel everything you feel! Love you man😘 Ure a real One!
I’m uploading my video tonight about a very similar topic! Just found your channel and I feel you 100% CONYO!!
Great points made in this video. Love your channel
Thank you! Haven't been doing too many videos lately but thank you for tuning in. I will make new videos again soon.
Loneliness is definitely real, I know I’m only 23 but growing up by yourself really is definitely eye opening when you grow up… I had to let the dating apps go , at least for now. I always say straight people wouldn’t understand what it’s REALLY like especially as men
AND if you bigger or chubby you have it 10x as hard , and all they say is lose weight , but would I be happy if I lost weight, if you didn’t want me when I was fat then why would you want me now?
This title is the same for me except im white and never boyfriend in my life.Casual sex is fine,but not having someone to sleep by my side is depressing .Black,White,Asian,Latin I don't care what someone's race is nor am I too picky about body type.I just want to be loved and love someone.I dont even care if would be an open relationship I just want to have someone in my life.
Love yourself broo, there’s no better love than self love! It’s cliche but it’s true!!! Better yourself and focus that energy by fulfilling your needs and goals and cater it all to YOURSELF ❤️🙌🏿
@@user-xw5un7hv9n I guess but sharing my love with someone is something I also want
Great vid i appreciate this.
Just always love ❤️ yourself and it’s hard cuz folks are stupid. Happy Pride.
Gracia, Merci, Thanks! ✌🏾
Samuel, Keep walking in love and forgiveness, and keep your heart tender! Stay, focused and full of joy, no matter what comes against you. As you do, you will overcome every opposition and obstacle you face cuz Chemistry is Everything 💯 Stay Safe out there Beautiful Black Brother, it’s going to happen 👍🏽🙏🏾
Good morning Samuel,
I just discovered your channel and I love your content. I find your demeanor, honesty, mindset and looks very attractive! While a person’s physical appearance plays a part of being attracted to them, it’s not the end all be all for me. If I were to rate what’s more important to me in a partner the following would out-rate the physical: honesty, trust, mindset, values, and demeanor! It starts with a person mind not their body! Start with these values and you build from there. You are an attractive man! Omg, weight is not the heart and soul of a person. A person’s weight can and do fluctuate. However, the core values of a person lies within them! Have a fantastic day and I look forward to more interactions with you ❤
I can relate to everything you are saying. As a bisexual man who are more into males and with the challenge of finding a women that I can be open about who I am.
Even though I am alone, I 've learned to love myself and to be my own best friend. Sometimes when we stop looking, that's when someone will appear. I am trying to show myself more friendly and people will come my way. So for now, I am going to love myself and be my own best friend.
No Doubt! All FACTS! lol.. You have a new Subscriber Friend. PERIOD! lol
Thank you for subscribing and supporting!
This means so much. XO
You’re soo handsome 💙😊
Thank you! 🤗🤗
I love what you said sex being a mental and emotional act I wholeheartedly agree and that may be why some people don't climax are they can't get into it with a person they're involved with because the other person just want sex and that makes a big difference in feeling empty or fulfilled and desired ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💯💯💯👀👀👀👀😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
I totally agree. It's not easy wanting more but only have the option of less that is given. No one wants to jump into anything too fast but what ever happened to dating or getting to know one another first. Can we tap in first.
And social media has made it seem that much more difficult.
@@samuellavon4846 Absolutely. It's all about the ideal perfect guy that will never exist in real life creating shallow illusions and a fictional fantasy.
You are speaking a lot of truths.
Handsome interesting man. Thanks for your openness.
I've suffered from loneliness throughout certain periods of my life. It's sad that gay men have to go through that for whatever reason. I wish it were easier to date and find companionship. But, it's not easy. Strength be with you. All the best to you.
ALL OF THIS RIGHT HERE!!!
Great talk!! Straight couples get to experience and develop in high school, where we as men or women and especially Black ( although it's getting better) we sow our wild oats after we are no longer at home and past the stage of development.
So glad to see Black gay men come into our own, I wish we were a bit more kind to one another within our group as well as outside of it.
I went from living in a predominantly white midwestern town to West Hollywood, and both were just horrible to experience as a Black person.
Much love to my My Gay Brother's and Sister's. 💖🖤❤
People need to understand that weight and appearance don’t help you find love 💯🗣 like I’m skinny asf 😭 and a lot of people of instagram say I’m fine but ain’t nobody tryna talk to me fr. I never been on a real date with a man that we wasn’t in a talking phase and I’m 20 years old hopefully when I get older I see sum different but I been through so much to the point I just think that just how life is. Maybe my fate is just to be single cause when I tell you so many random things happens when I think I found someone who can be future bae.
Also this day in age a lot people obsessed with only fans and porn type dudes and wanna have sex on the first day.
OMG. You're so ADORABLE...I really enjoyed this video.
Thank you!!
Sir, you are absolutely adorable... Your testimony and assessment are profound and spot on... Salute from myself to you, a Black Gay Man✊️🏳️🌈
Its hard because of society expectations. Your family, your employer, your friends, even strangers play a role in standing in the way. I lost and wasted a lot of my youth living in fear and shame. Letting others dictate to me how I should live my life. Your parents not accepting who you are is the worst. IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME I would have walked away then. I would have chosen to leave them behind so I could be who I wanted to be. Depression and Low self esteem were my friends for most of my life even when I was in a relationship. This condition destroyed any type of relationship. Their are too few support groups and their should be more. Corrected wording.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that in such a great capacity. But that's why I made the choice sooner than later be my full self because I felt so pressured to do what others wanted and not what I wanted. So I totally agree with everything you're saying here.
I can relate to the same thing in Dallas. The apps suck, any given day I get 5-10+ pics from strangers I never chatted with or just said hello back to. For me being multiracial I never was really sure who I fit in with. Then being almost 40 and not as fit as I could be. Tonight I got stood up by a guy I was chatting with before Halloween and briefly like 2 years earlier but never met. It's not easy and sometimes I need to stay off social media for my own well-being. Good luck out there.
OMG I am so glad to have stumbled across this video! There are VERY, VERY few videos about this topic which is sad. This issue is very important and needs to be discussed more.
Im a gay Black man myself with a similar body type, but older than you. Same issues, nothing has changed in all these years. I came of age in the 90s and homophobia in society was much worse then. I moved to Washington DC from a small suburban area right after graduating from high school and there was a thriving gay Black community there in the late 90s and early 2000s. I finally began to come out of my shell. But then I attended a small isolated HBCU that was EXTREMELY and VIOLENTLY homophobic towards male students in particular. ..so I went back into the closet to survive living in a collegiate community, which is crazy thinking back on it now. I didn't officially come out until many years later because I was affected so badly by that experience. Had a child along the way and she is my heart.
I gave this testimony to say that we should be more patient with our gay brethren, especially our gay Black bretheren because we have all been through h3ll. We shouldnt accept or settle for toxic behavior, but we should have more compassion and empathy for one another. Who will understand us better than us? Nobody. In American culture, men are raised to be emotionless especially towards one another. It is time to change the narrative. Once this happens, navigating the dating scene will be much easier. We can only hope lol. I wish you the best young brother! 😉
Really good video
Thank you!
Somebody finally said it I've been thinking it for years now
You're VERY attractive! I hope you're not lonely anymore.
This speaks to me
I watched your video and I totally feel where you're coming from. I never had the opportunity to date anyone even after coming out. I was always curved, left hanging or used financially. No matter how nice you are and try to put your best foot forward, I would always end up disappointed. Only time other gays try to be nice to you after they've been mean all their lives is when they either get to old, catch a disease they can't cure and nobody wants them anymore. But I still have hope that there's somebody out there for us.
Heyy, how are you😊, love ❤️ the video, and btw you are a handsome guy ❤❤
@@johnmcdaniel7747 thank you!! I'm doing great!
i had to come back to your video
So relatable
When you're a feminine black gay male, it's worse. Masculinity is very important in the black community. It seems to save alot of black men. It's sad that gay men can't be who they are. As long as you are masculine, you are protected. Being feminine can be trouble for you unfortunately 😔
Firstly, Samuel, I totally understand and respect what you have shared. I also think we need to strip the subject back to what it 'really' is.
Without generalising our community, and looking at it from experiences, it's environment and the masses that make it up, the gay community has always been from a media and social perspective aimed towards a white cultural community (this I believe, being due to the black cultural and social stigma towards it).
And this has brought with it for the black gay community less exposure, and on the flipside of that, has attracted either a sexual 'novelty and uncommitted' relationships. Also, what you speak about from an "expected physical expectation' this will never subside (even more so now due social media pressure and even younger wanting to look physically fit) because has you discussed it is only when the gay community, get to a certain age (still single and from previously broken down relationships that were driven by the the 'friends they chose to exclusively identify, gay ideals and lifestyle" and never focusing 'inwards' always ask why 'am I still single?, and I believe from the discussed subject of a black gay man it is definitely some or all of the above, and also ie, 'self identification and self-worth'.
On the subject of 'choice partners" My 2 long-term relationships have been with caucasian and european men. Not from a 'preempted ideal' just from they were who I originally met at the time and 'mentally and socially balanced' with. Although what has always from the outset been my 'preempted plan/guideline (solely due to 'gay social ideals') when meeting guys, is to ensure that from a physical perspective, they are always well, 'at a level'.
I am of mixed-race (told attractive) and for the "said partner' to be 'a level above myself gives me the assurity that it is not based on looks as you mention. (I would like to strongly take this opportunity to reinstate, that I 'DO NOT' look for the 'gay magazine socially and self-awarded pretty boy ideals' nor am I attracted to them - this only dilutes the 'real authenticity and interest that a long-term relationship establishes itself from. Apart from the 'obvious characteristic and moral physical attractiveness is 'more attractive' to me if it be 'understated' and not truly 'recognised, promoted or relied upon' by the person it is gifted too. (hence authentic 'balanced realness').
It is hard enough for ourselves understanding our sexuality (within a dominantly 'gay white socially media driven ideal world') but I believe that we are also guilty of falling into this ourselves, rather than also saying 'this is what I want and if you don't 'measure-up' then you cant be part of me.
I have been married and in a relationship for 14 years (and yes, boy it was initially hard for me in certain aspects of his family friends etc) but I truly believe it is all down to showing them that you are one scale above them (from an "authentic and in demand rarity" point of view) and establishing ground and proving to that tiered and old stereotypical minded community that your black or interracial relationship is strong and authentic and not balanced one sided or just a passing 'fashion or fetish' which we all know is well proven gay community trap some can unfortunately be drawn into due to the lack of self worth. Be 'rare and ensure the "ideal expectation put upon you from the outset you put upon them also. This will build a strong relationship and respect from that 'tiered old gay media driven idealism' that will always be out there through no fault of your own.
Sad truth...👍🏾🙏🏾
Hey Love, I hope things change for you and everything 💕. This is not to come for you but show you the true love you need is yourself. Reading Lynn E. Harris , he shares it not a lonely gay story when you get to wake up everyday knowing your truth and live your truth. Theres so many many , Black, White, Asain men who are in denial because of your point of being scared to be rejected. As someone who is desireable in the community, I dont allow myself get caught up with image but men spirits about themselves. Its NO ONE job to love you but yourself, showing others your “Bigger” picture wont help you find that love you are looking for. Looking for is an overstatement. You have to accept what they present themselves as, a sex partner, a certain type looking, or bland ignorant, you cant expect for them to change their agenda for you , the agenda would have met your needs if that was the case. I used to think its a gay, straight, black things but really once you focus on yourself those who been waiting for you will come into your life. Getting rejected doesn’t cause heartbreak only the delusion of expectation does; If you see that fine brother at the bar , GO FOR IT. You have nothing to lose or feel ashame that you are true to liking the same sex; pretending you don’t will make you feel shame.
I work out and keep myself in shape. You do not have to have a six pack. But I do want you to keep yourself up.
:( Its so upsetting seeing all these dating issues videos primarily and only coming from the Black and Asian communities. The experiences seem to be similar. I also connect when you said about wanting your own. I haven’t had any relationships outta my race because I only find beauty in Latin men. You have self love and thats evident in your choice of partner.
Awwww just subbed. The dating world can be lonely and just crazy.
Oh thank you! I greatly appreciate you for watching and subbing. I will be subbing back!
@@samuellavon4846 you’re welcome man. And thanks. Keep up the good content
The apps have made it difficult because you there are too many choices. Then when you do become a black gay adult man it's like you're new and young to the dating scene. So pursuing and being pursued is something new to you.
My goodness you're looking beautiful good sir. I agree with your sentiments
I watched your video . I just want to say that just because your black and gay, it does not mean you can’t find love. Gay men at very vain; black white asian and Latino. Everybody are into being fit, muscular in the gay community. If you are trying to loose weight or trying to gain weight. The same rejection is there. Because nobody wants anybody who is to skinny and with no muscle. If you are living in an area where it’s mostly white then that are going to be your options. You might have to move . Picture this story, I’m a black male and I live in an area where there are many black gays and my problem is that I don’t act black and black guys don’t give me the time of day, and I don’t like white guys at all . Here I’m single as well. So I gave up looking and I say, I’m just gonna enjoy my life and stop making my whole journey on earth a quest to find a significant other. I suggest you move to an area like Chicago, Florida or San Francisco
Open up ur dating options!! Stop limiting ur likes to black guys go for all there is beauty in every race and BTW I'm AA too.
Omg Preach it's very hard trying to date in the black gay community . All I can do is pray
Dating can be a challenging experience for anyone, but it's especially difficult for members of the black and LGBTQ+ communities. Navigating dating while also dealing with social stigmas, prejudice, or even hate can make it feel like an uphill battle.
However, there are resources available to help make dating easier and more fulfilling. For instance, online platforms like Stamps offer a safe space specifically created for black and LGBTQ+ singles to connect with one another and find meaningful relationships. Additionally, therapy is a great way to gain insight into yourself as well as learn how to better manage your emotions in any situation - including when it comes to dating. Talking openly about your feelings with an understanding therapist can help you understand yourself better so that you can approach dating from a place of self-love and confidence rather than fear or anxiety.
Overall, finding someone special doesn't have to be hard - even if you're part of the black or LGBTQ+ community. With the right support system in place - whether that's through therapy sessions or online matchmaking tools - you'll soon find yourself on the path towards meeting someone truly amazing!
COME ON GRAPEVINE!!
Lol! I love the grapevine 🤣
17:33 Me 100%😭💀 if he’s more than 10 miles away I tell myself “he might as well be in outer space..”
This is the first video of this type where the presenter wasn't whining about guys that won't date/have sex with them. This is most often blaming a white guy, who is deluded because of their privilege. It is actually sad to me. I am glad you are speaking with maturity, rather than saying what is wrong with everyone else. I wish I had an answer, but as a gay white male, i'm not in a position to fix what is broken in other people. If you don't value what you have to offer the world, you can't expect other people will.
Why are YOU as a white male serial-watching videos of Black gay men talking to EACH OTHER about their experiences??
Why must you insert yourself in that way?
We don't actually TALK enough to get to know each other.
I'm in LA and yes it's many black gay men out here but the sex has drives these brothas crazy. Many people chasing dreams and really not ready to settle. I think imma date 50 plus. I'm 47 successful independent. Many young brothers with D ain't got shit. Plus imma seek a match maker.
I feel you on that! I have also been thinking about getting a match maker.
I h@te that you have this experience. You are such a handsome guy. Hopefully you find your match but if you dont there is nothing wrong with being by yourself for the rest of your life.
It took years of therapy to find out the unconscious motivation of finding love: actually that what I was calling love was really protection and safety. Where the love of my life and I would become an unbeatable team against the world. For me as black guy I had to face violence, racism, hate, shame. ( I grew up in a black poor community in Rio de Janeiro ( favela). Normally that a white person don't face too much.
I swear God sent me this video 😢❤
I promise you, things will get better. Just hang in there.
You need to be upfront if you’re looking to date and whether the other person is also.
It's difficult to find someone who just wants to get to know you before getting into bedroom physical activities. I've tried to just get to know a guy and they just start sending explicit pics or want my explicit pics. I'm like can we just talk and get to know each other. It's not even when your a black gay man.
It’s even more hard when Ik I’m not unattractive I open and close these apps hoping maybe someone will hit me up I mean I don’t mind hitting people up first but I just Tend to not
Some people dont understand why gay guys lusts over masculine so called trade not knowing that u gonna get the same from both so might as well get sex from the forbidden fruit lol. If we cant expect relationships from other gay men expecting one from trade is laughable. Its the same as gays not wanting a fem guy because if i wanted something fem i would be with a girl like they have that option. The dating scene aint so different at all. U either gonna play the game or watch it from the sidelines. Im cool being in the bleachers.
Every day it is more difficult to find a boy who is worth it, who has good values, and is a good person, I am looking for a boy who is worth it, is an athlete like me, over 25 years old who lives in my country, the Dominican Republic.
I can relate so well man being an eccentric kinda guy and being black and gay is hard I’ve often wondered is it me ? Even though ik it’s not it’s just timing
Who singing the song at the end? It's beautiful
That's actually me. Lol. It's on Spotify, it's an interlude called INTLTL.
Hi could i sample part of this thought provoking piece for my gay hip hop album?
You can, just look through the description box and email me.
@@samuellavon4846 i emailed u. I wrote a song about this same topic. The rejection we feel as blk gay men