If You're A Failure You Have A Big Ego
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- Full video: 02:10:22:18 - / 1896259964
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My personal therapist taught me this by saying, “Egotistical and conceited mean two different things. You can be negative toward yourself and still be egotistical.”
Of all places, I learned this at Church camp as a teen. Even if you're focused on self-hate, you're still self-centered.
Your comment stands true by itself but imo there's something lost in translation here simply because of it confuses the video.
For one, the dictionary definition of "egotistical" literally mentions "conceited."
Dr K is talking about the "ego" his definition says even suicidal people have an ego, best steer away from the word "egotistical." This is something different.
Ego doesnt mean you think of your self as the best. Ego just means you have a notion of yourself and you define everything by who you are - be it you thinking that you are a genius, you are successful, you are manlies man ever or you are a failure. You cannnot comprehend anything wihtout injecting your idea of who you are into the equation and refuse to accept other people's notions and opinions about you or the situation. Infact Ego can be a strong defence mchanism of people who are very low in self esteem and have a ton of insecurities. Which is why they lash out so badly on criticism., Because they are hanging on by a thread to that sense of self because they cannot see the rest of themselves at all.
@@Sydd787 No, that's the common misconception.
Egotistical is merely the adjective of ego, and does not differ in anyway from the word ego itself. ''having a high ego'' and ''being egotistical'' mean the exact same thing, the difference only being that one is a noun, the other is the adjective.
Google definitions and dictionaries arent pedantically accurate, as they will englobe all possible synonyms even when context is essential for some of these synonyms to make sense.
To put it simply, the dictionary will view 'egotistic' as an umbrella term, where ''conceited'' CAN be a subset of it, or a synonym of it depending on context. *But* ''Egotistical'' isnt inherently a synonym of ''conceited'', if that makes sense/if you get it.
To make it more understandable, let me give you some examples of those situations:
It's like when we say ''every fraction is a number, but not every number is a fraction''. Or ''Every dog is a mammal, but not all mammals are dogs''
Because while dogs are indeed mammals, we also have many other animals that fall into the category of mammals.
Likewise, conceited CAN be a form of being egotistical. And the opposite, where we look down on yourselves and think of ourselves as ''failures'', IS also another form of being egotistical.
Egotistical only means having ''having too high of an ego'', where ''ego'', like dr K says, means your *sense of self*. And whether you see that ''sense of self'' in a an overly boastful manner, or an overly self-depreciating manner, theyre both cases of being egotistical.
It's just that we live in a society where most people have the common misconception that ''egotistical'' = conceited. Which isnt true.
@@wrongturnVfor I think it makes conversation rather challenging when ego is used as a nebulous catch-all term that can mean whatever anybody wants it to mean.
I AM A SURGEON
lmao
🗿🗿 Chad Dr. Han
I am the cyber police and you are going to cyber jail for ego fraud
I am a sturgeon.
oh yeah? try performing surgery on failure
“I don’t feel any shame at all! I’m as proud as ever!”
“Prince Zuko, pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”
🐐 quote
@@TaroLoaf I have never seen that goat emoji before
The things you can learn about life just watching anime. Yes I consider ATLA anime, the series deserves it.
@@totallyathomewhat? Anime isn't some higher form of animation that only counts for cartoons or any other animated material that is, as they say, goated with the sauce. Its just some umbrella term describing mostly Japanese animation...
daym.. Now look at the show.. Starting with Korra it has lost that very fundamental mentality it had :( it's like ATLA didn't think of itself as mature and still nailed adults to their seats then Korra came and said "So I'M THE mature one actually"... and proceeds to be infinitely more immature then ever before.
Lately I’ve been thinking that I don’t have such a strong ego but this has reframed my perspective of what the ego actually is
Same :/
Nobody has ever had a crush on me, but if anyone ever did I'd just say "no you don't".
Because they don't know me.
@@Nerobyrne and that's egotistic
@@JustYourAverageWeeb, explain, s'il-tous-plaît. Is not, like, lust (emotion) and love/interest/friendliness/... are different?
Is somehow naming things the way that you see them-egoistical?
Ego is self-image. A bundle of thoughts, preferences, beliefs all in the category of who I am…
However they change. And none of it is what we essentially are. It’s believing we’re the clouds instead of seeing we’re the sky they appear in, as well as being the clouds. Awareness.
Have you ever gotten burnt from thinking about fire or wet from the word “water.”
This is exactly how “real” ego is.
Ego~death is how it feels.
But what is seen is that it never really was.
No one becomes enlightened.
Naturally Eternal as This dance of the formless appearing as form is recognized that it always was.
Ego is illusion.
Belief that such illusion is real.
Who or what we take ourselves to be.
What’s witnessing who you take yourself to be? 🙃
Observer the observer…
Be Still
…and know. . .
I AM
G
O
D
This Totality that can’t be boxed or understood… This bottomless unsolvable mystery… Infinity playing as the finite forever 😉
This actually makes a lot of sense, as someone who has been struggling with some pretty severe self-hated for years. I'd thought that my ego had been withered away to nothing, since I had reached near-cavernous lows. But with this realization, it would seem that instead, my ego has actually been stronger than ever; a raging monster in my mind, tearing me apart from within.
Pretty big
same, the type of self-harm monster, seems like it stems from a negative big ego
yeah same here... it seems like i self-sabotage my whole life because of that
Yeah man. I dont think it will ever go away honestly. Its so hardwired into us. We can work with it, but ultimatly there is no «fixing» it. Although i could be wrong.
Alternatively, you could be growing more sensitive to the ego that has already been there your whole life. Sometimes it feels stronger because you're no longer pouring energy into fighting it, you're learning to accept it.
Having a big ego is not always synonymous with exhibiting narcissistic behavior. Thank you for clarifying this for people.
I suppose that depends on the exact definition of narcissism. In this case, we are talking about an outsized focus on the subject’s experience. Their feelings on the matter are paramount and everything else is bent to serve that view.
Actually narcissists' self concept isn't always grandiose; in fact they can have very negative self talk, like the type Dr. K describes. The point is that they are obsessively focused on their sense of self to the cost of the other things and the people that should matter in their lives.
@@andrestorres4715 I used to be very narcissistic...and can confirm that inside I'd beat myself up over every little detail while some of my friends didn't realize it...they just thought I was being an a hole (mainly one "friend" went out of his way to over label me in this case).
Its been a while since then, traces of that are still there but I'm aware of it now and do everything I can to seperate myself from that mindset (these videos have been helping a lot too!)!
You might have already knew this but just wanted to confirm for anyone who reads this comment chain and wants more clarification for what you said! lol :P
Well, actually that's not what this proves at all. Negative inward thoughts can often be rooted in a self-centered mind. This is how I realized, and eventually dissolved my social anxiety. It was to a large degree rooted in egotistical and, in a strange way, narcissistic ideals.
You're absolutely right.
I have a massive, fragile ego. My whole identity is based on how I think others perceive me. I've even decided to stop dating because I've realized that it's to fill a void and receive shallow validation, which will do more harm than good.
I was watching a stream earlier and the streamer was playing some dating sim. And after a bit of time getting to know the person they were playing as, he was like "I don't want to date anyone, I want to fix myself first..." And that was really so refreshing to hear. I think knowing yourself is a really good place to start! I'm sure you'll get there, if you don't give in to the comfort zone of doom.
do you create art of any sort?
@@julyol119i think ik my problem and i think ik what i have to do to solve it. but i think im so comfortable at where i am (being sad all day and just lazy to move). im just stuck at this spot. a friend of mine whos 3 years younger than me just graduated and having a chill job (except the two hrs). have his own studio, his gf, a merc and a lot more mature/wise than me. seriously im so proud of him bc i used to saw him as a younger brother but now hes so far on the top hes a completely different person. but i couldnt even say im proud of him except im happy for him. i was scared i think? idk tho
@@tommyblade8093 Yeah, I get you. I'm not behind on relationship/friendship stuff, but very behind in finishing uni, so I feel you. I think I should be somewhere else in life by now. But at the same time I don't even care that much. Being this laid back, I think that can be a good and a bad thing depending on the situation.
@@julyol119 same I'm so behind on uni rn. I just retook two subjects this semester and still have no idea what I'm doing. I'm so ashamed to meet anyone or see my lecturer
This seems like it would take a lifetime of careful attention to really come to terms with this fact, especially if you've had a negative self-image for a long time.
My heart goes out to anyone else stuck in this cycle.
I've always kinda knew it but only recently become aware of it, the "be yourself" advice was never helpful since how can you be yourself if you don't like yourself? Thus the cycle of beating yourself up repeats so you maintain a certain image irl and in your EGO.
With the right guidance you come to the understanding of true humility and forgive yourself of the mistakes you made to begin anew in a much healthier process.
Thought I couldn’t relate until you showed examples, ouch
same hat
Me too and it's accurate.
hits hard for me too damn. guess my ego is pretty big
"There's a lot og narcissism in self-hatred isn't there?" - David Foster Wallace
Humility is about abandoning exaggerations, both in the positive and the negative, and feeling the appropriate size (in the world)
Daaaamn... That's simpler than i thought it would be, but it is true!!
"the appropriate size". What does this even mean. How do we know what that even is?
I think no ego means not caring what your appropriate size is. Just being happy in the moment no matter if you are homeless or a millionaire. There is no 'appropriate' place for anyone.
@@Bubu567 Well. he was talking about Humility, but ok...
I never thought of this that way, I think this actually helped with something inside me.
Omg, you have big ego
I’m not egotistical, I’m the most humble person you’ve ever met, and everybody knows it!
When you say you are most humble person...that's your ego saying...
thats the joke@@SarthakBiswal
@@aj-ug9hh ok ha ha ha
Uncle Iroh "Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source."
I can't see how that would be true. Shame would have to be the source. And the ego responds to the shame (core false self concept not based in reality) by attempting to counter it with pride (ego false self concept also not based in reality). So you basically have two warring self concepts that are both fake- aka narcissism. But the core self concept of narcissism is always SHAME.
I think pride as a core self concept would actually be healthy ego function. There's nothing wrong with being proud of who you are and it definitely doesn't lead to shame. The only way pride would lead to shame is if shame is *already there.*
@@jnl3564 nah
@@Renin_Reyulo I would love to hear you explain how pride could be the source of shame.
@@jnl3564 Ask Uncle Iroh. I just quoted the man. He knows more than you.
@@Renin_Reyulo Umm, BASED moment?!
Opening eyes left and right! I never thought of my send of failure rooted into my ego! Wow!!
A self improvement course I went to had a better way of using language than saying, something like "I am sad" you are telling yourself that that is who you are, vs "I feel sad" allowing your self to know that that it is not who you are, just how you feel
Good one. I'm definitely going to try and practice this
I forget where its from but some people say "i have a sadness upon me', like you are literally carrying it as a separate thing from you really are
You are not your feelings. Feelings are like clouds in the sky.
This speaks volumes to me because I've always thought that I have both a superiority and inferiority complex that clash with each other
As in a "I'm so great at so many things. But if I'm so great, why am I not in a better place? I'm just a failure." way.
You just described me man! I never thought of it that way
he does that to everyone all day long every day, it's really impressive
same broo
This really does make a lot of sense because in this sense, when you reject everyone else's thoughts and opinions even though they are positive towards you, in effect you are showing that you believe your thoughts are superior to theirs and that nothing will change it. It goes to show the importance of self reflection and the willingness to say to ourselves that not everything we believe about ourselves is the case. Stay strong my friends, you are never worthless. All life has a purpose, it's up to you to find that purpose.
My ego is devouring other strikers
🔵🔒
LOCK OFF
LMAO XDXDXD
Blue Lock is the best!
LETSGOOOOOOO!!
PAUSE
Ego is useful. There’s no end to the variety and mass of forces trying to extract something from you. You experience it every day. Ego is a shield.
Dr. K’s the guy who can explain complex psychological events in a way as simple as 1+1=2
That's why I say to myself "I am a student, still learning", really helps a lot
Going through my trauma I developed this sense of failure.
Being loving and kind to myself helped me break my ego and build a new one.
Sometimes I like to dissociate and split my personalities, like a parent watching a child. Oh, they're hungry, let's get them some food. It's past their bedtime, let's go to bed so they're not grumpy in the morning. Etc.
But Dr K, how does one develop a healthy self esteem without a sense of self?
He's not saying to abandon your sense of self. He's pointing out that ego distorts your sense of self.
Healthy self esteem = rational/objective sense of self. Not losing it, not exagerrated, not inflated, not deflated, the sense of self is just the way it is
I'm not in the right space to hear this stuff. It just hurts me.
Same. I got defensive when watching this video/short, because it’s not MY fault I became this way. If only I didn’t have that childhood trauma. I’m still stuck in resentment.
@@vincent67239idk if this'll help you or anyone, but resentment is at best only a massive waste of your psychic energy; but, resentment is natural, so you should also remember that judging yourself for being "duped" by it is also a dead end; awareness of a problem is the how it gets fixed, and just practicing holding on to that awareness without judgement will take you a long way to your next level up; just wanted to say what I've been learning, since your comment reminded me of myself.
In my case, when I went to therapy and started to accept the shame, that shame is there for a reason, and it's not a bad thing, I'm not a bad person, then I could fiinally let go the pain and the resentment..
🤗🤗🤗
@@widyakhrisantimontoliang8684how so ?
I mean could you elaborate?
seriously, this video really opened my eyes to something I had never heard/thought of before. I appreciate it
Never thought about it that way, but that seems so obvious. Insightful
This actually blew my mind. Thank you Dr. K!
"Your sense of self defines the way that you interact with the world."
Wow I didn't know this about myself... I was a gifted kid growing up but after my teachers made me skip a grade (8th garde) I was failing pretty much every subjects, back then I thought of it as just normal but to this day (last year of high school) I continue being barely above average on most subjects and I also am no longer the best in math like I used to. I really think of myself as a failure now but I thought I had long lost the ego I had as a gifted kid but I guess I still have it. Makes me kinda happy to think that even though it doesn't really help with my self-esteem.
Relatable. Hang in there pal.
I could have written this, but you've worded it perfectly. Cheers
Nice bro. Thanks for reminding me to detach myself to form a more clearer perspective on my reality.
Reminds me of what this Venerable monk said "You only exist because you think you exist"
I’m not a failure. I’ve learned a good handful of skills that are difficult to master, difficult to find the courage and will to do.
The failure is society who takes this work for granted and wants to pay me a buck above minimum wage for it.
I’m not a failure, I’m just being failed and as a result cannot afford to live.
But I’ve done all I can. I’ve done all I know how. And society keeps expecting more of me and punishing me for not measuring up.
• ego statements are probably basically mainly "i am ..."
• Ego arises from a strong abstract sense of self
• the ego you possess will shape the way you think, feel and perceive reality.
This reminds me of how I used to talk to myself years ago as I was in the process of building myself up. What makes you so great that the standards required of you are so much higher than everyone else? What makes you so important that other people are judging you for everything? What makes you so brilliant that you deserve the title of worst person in the world? Etc. It might seem counterintuitive, but at the time this was exactly the kind of self talk I needed, I didn't believe the affirmations and such until I got myself to a certain point.
Yeah, very true. Thank god I'm not only a failure, but also curious 😂 I'd rather try and be humbled than to not try at all and maybe miss out on something cool.
Yes👏👏👏Our relationship with the world is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.
Not in how others treat us, but how we show up & live our lives.
Think this is my favorite short this is one a lot of gen z needs atm
this man just gonna call me out like that, damn Dr.K
It’s like in poker when someone gets unlucky and they act like they’re the only ones who get unlucky.
Shit, Dr. K's every word hits like a rock..
Having a big ego doesn't equal narcissism, that is true.
Ego is sense of self, knowing or thinking you know yourself
this is kinda similar to how john bradshaw presents it with regards to toxic shame. when we internalize that feeling of shame due to traumatic childhood experiences, you either go one way of basically feeling like youre the lowest of the low and an absolute failure, or grandstanding and becoming narcissistic to prove you're not that to yourself. one is no more worse than the other, and both need healing. i like your framing of it as well.
From his explanation, just because you have a big ego doesnt mean its necessarily a BAD thing.
If you have a positive ego, like "I am willing to try things out", "I am trying to be better", and being AWARE these are only your thoughts, not reality, is going to be very beneficial and helpful.
Not a doctor, but doctors and professionals can get too specific and people take it as general advice which ends up sometimes good sometimes disastrously.
The job or relationship will stress me out. Its easier being a failure, then you wont need to try so hard. Thats a thought patern i recognize.
A very good explanation of ego inflation 👍👍👍
I’ve never thought about that being considered an ego. Just changed my perspective
I realized I had an ego through your videos, thank you for continuing to put out this educational content, Dr. K! I'm still working to deconstruct the trauma that led me to form the negative opinions I gave myself. It's hard work, but you have to start somewhere if you want to heal. 🧡
"Hey here's a job application, I think you'd be a great fit"
"Sorry I'm already a failure full time, I'll have to decline"
I’ve been seeing your videos on shorts for about a month or two, and this one was the most eye opening for me.
It’s never the statement that shows their ego, it’s how defining they show it.
I am a Physicist, but i know a little bit about how ego arises from a higher consciousness field, metaphysically and psychologically.
Fuck that hit harder than i expected
Truly have a huge ego... Wish I could make it smaller so that I can stop stopping myself from doing anything due to fear and uncertain if I could do it as good as the others
Thank you, Dr. K. This came at the exact right moment. I wonder if you've heard of Sahaj Marg, with all of your Vedic knowledge. Love and light to all. ❤
This is something I've come to realise recently. If I'm constantly worried about how I come across, then I'm just as self-centered and egotistical as someone who thinks they're better than everyone else.
I never knew this and I never knew this was a thing. I thought my thought process was just broken. I didn't know that you could associate this with negative self talk. And now I'm crying.
I see, so my ego is the one saying to me this negative shit.
I needed this today
I always always thought of myself as a no-good loser who doesn't deserve to be loved. Then all of the sudden, I got a girlfriend who was leagues above me. I grew as a person because I was being validated for the good thing I did. Eventually, I grew way past her as a person and she recently cheated on me and broke up with me.
Now I am a completely different person than who I was 3 years ago before the relationship and I know that I am awesome and worth A LOT!
This sense of self has already brought me great things, I randomly got offered a near six-figure job as someone without a degree. I just had my first date ever (didn't really DATE the first girl) and it was absolutely amazing. And I am actively working on my mental health by adressing the ADD I had hidden from myself for the past 24 years.
Safe to say I am doing really well and it's all because of my ego being completely different due to having been shaped by new experiences.
thats actually a super interesting way of looking at self-doubt that I have never heard of before. It seems to me that most people would say someone has a big ego if they think they are the best, but it makes sense that their ego would be big if they think they are the worst. I wonder how people who experience a lot of self-doubt would take this framing, especially since most people consider having a big ego to be a negative thing.
As an egotistical failure, can confirm.
In a certain way i decided to stop caring about my sense of self i do take pride in my work and my achievemente and try to learn from my failures but i will never ever allow anxiety or fear or a shitty sense of self to dictate my words and actions in a negative way.
This is something really important to realise! Thanks!
Ego is a good thing
Trust me my EGO is so low key that it doesn't bother me to admit I haven't showered OR bathed for YEARS not including the 60 Fahrenheit bath and Ice bath where I never touched soap! :P
Wow thank you for this one. It does make sense.
So... I _am_ full of myself! I have been saying it for years!
(/j but only partially. I get that this is more like "my ego is my worst enemy" but the above is what I legitimately wondered about for years.)
You ego tells you what he thinks but with enough willpower you can make choice
Big ego failure here. 39 years old. I always felt a wanting to standing among those who who were super beautiful and successful. I have met these people and networked within them. Despite that, I know that I achieved basically nothing. But my ego protects me and says "You are apart of the top. Look how you interact with them" Despite having only some college credits and being a security guard for 10 years.
this is why it's vital to learn how to just let go.
The Dr. K algorithm always hits me with the most relevant videos and clips to my current mental state. It's kinda creepy because I'm thinking of applying to a better position in my company and my ego is stopping me from even trying to apply.
That's what changed the nost with therapy and meditation. I just do things and I can reflect on the consequences. But I don't think too much about what I am, who I am nad try to define it in a narrow. I am myself, I try to do what makes sense to me. That's it. No overindulging in wasteful thoughts.
I AM ... Going to forget this in a few hours : 😭
Also if someone considers themself a failure, it shows that they have high standards and a high level of self importance. People who have a balanced ego are probably more content with where they are, wherever that may be
Thanks boss. Needed to hear this
Currently having a downward spiral where I really feel like I am a burden and destroy peoples lives around me, I know it isn’t true but the feeling won’t go away and I feel it controlling my actions. Any advice?
Also, what video is this from?
I think you should seek professional help, downward spirals can escalate pretty quickly, and people on the internet won’t be able to help you much. From my experience sometimes the internet doesn’t help at all. Of course we can find enlightened content like this one but the specificities of our own particular situation require professional help, in my opinion. I hope you feel better soon!
@@saberlivre Thanks for the support, I think I will take your advice and see a therapist, my last visit was a few months ago. I wish you well
This one right here is a deceptively simple lesson
Thank you! ❤ I learned so much about my own ego, emotions and identity through you; thank you the for lessons - I didn’t want to learn about but - that I needed to grow. 💅😻😘
bro this hit me
Ive always been told by people that I have a huge ego. I never believed them because I was always so harsh on myself and projected a comical egotist. Turns out they were right. Problem is that Failure is my defining feature and I dont know how to change that
Its as the saying goes: selflessness isn't thinking yourself less, it's thinking of yourself less
This blew my mind
Yup, I think this is because people don’t realize what an ego is. The ego is just the act you put for the world, so if you think you’re a failure, you just think the act you’re playing isn’t getting you were you want to go. Just fix this by constructing a healthier, more appropriate ego. Simple as that.
Think of it like a car. When your car breaks down you don’t say you’re a failure, because you’re not your car, just like you’re not your ego.
Interesting channel. Glad I subscribed
I remember a Victorian poem where I man keeps saying he is a terrible sinner, the worst of sinners. An angel taps him onthe shoulder, and say, "Don't flatter yourself, you're nothing of the sort."
And for good news, I can confidently say I’m happy!
If you're being serious (sorry if I'm not catching any implied sarcasm or such), then good for you :) Maybe it's just me, but I do genuinely like hearing when people are doing well, gives me a bit of that second-hand positivity :D
@@LordHonkInc Thankfully, I'm being serious. And it fills me with positivity to know that someone else benefits from my happiness
Thank you
Interesting, I think I just somehow found out about this of myself vaguely, and this shows up
Thanks for the info
Ego=/= arrogant
It's called having standards. I have high standards for myself no matter what I do. Because why do anything if you're not excelling in it? So when I don't reach those standards, it makes me feel like a failure.
🤯 needed this
Realized this about a year ago but havent known what to do with it sense then haha
"A" failure? You've gotta be kidding me. I am THE failure! Oh, my ego says hi
k , then how to fix it ?
kill ego, so psychedelics of course. heroic dose of acid every day. no more problems ever
@@redorchidee1372 you are a dealer right ?
No, I'm THE failure, that's how massive my ego is.
I heard that people tend to act and think in a way that conforms to their identity. If you identify with your failures, you're more likely to self-sabotage. Or something. Idk, it was a while ago.
I've heard the saying; an alcoholic is just an egomaniac with feelings of inadequacy. Seems to fit.
I feel attacked 😂
I AM A SURGEON DR.K!!!
I AM A SURGEON,DR.K!!!