Ask A Therapist: How To Cope With Loneliness
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- čas přidán 19. 09. 2022
- We feel lonely when our longing for being seen, heard, accepted, understood, or known by others is neglected for too long. Loneliness is a painful but common part of the human experience. Prolonged loneliness without hope of relief can have significant impacts on health physically, mentally, and emotionally. In this video, I share simple tips on how to cope with feelings of loneliness so you can start to feel better!
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Dr. Therese is a Berkeley-educated, Filipina-American Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Founder of Exploring Therapy, a wellness community with a mission to help people build a life they don't need a vacation from. She's been featured in Vice, HuffPost, Women's Health, Shape, and the LA Times, and has spoken around the world about toxic productivity, remote work wellness, and overall mental health. Her mission is to inspire people to create more healthy, free, and connected lives they love.
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#AskATherapistHowToCopeWithLoneliness
To whoever is reading this, if you ended up on this video, maybe you’ve also been experiencing a bunch of emotional breakdowns recently like me. I want you to know you’re not alone and that you are capable of much more than you think. It’s time to turn the switch, battle through the anxiety and put yourself out there to build a social life with meaningful connections. I’ll try in the coming few months, and I hope you will too.
@@ainsley_spillan No problem, you deserve a happy social life just like everyone. I’ve been going to a psychologist for a while now and it has helped me tackle the issue more seriously, every time i go to a session I want to tell them what I had done in the past week. Maybe that could work for you as well?
How are you doing?
Thank you, but unfortunately I have no idea how building a social life is done.
What when you lost all your family and friends and cant get over it
A social life with all the narcissist’s? No thank you .. I’d rather be lonely
i can’t stand when people say >you are not alone < yes i am - i’m not the only one struggling but i am struggling alone
Fr but they want you to feel less lonely think about it. You technically ain't the only one with the problem so why should you feel alone dealing with it
Feel so lost. No one checks on me. It’s truly like not one person cares except Susan. And Susan is my cat
@@heatherhaddon3684 at least you have your cat I live by myself
@victoriousbooks to assume anyone knows how it works is even more incorrect. I might be wrong but thanks to what I do know I'm not at this terrible state of mind
@@AhsokaTano101 ok I deleted my stupid comment
Am I the only one that felt this didn’t answer anything at all about loneliness
Watching this video made me feel more lonely, was here to listen to solution from a therapist perspective, rather then explaining what's loneliness. Doesn't answer anything, was this a promotional video?
My family has all passed away. I moved to a new city after the losses. I've been here 8 years, 3 of those years the recent Covid/Isolation time frame. Thankfully, I'm an Introvert & that made managing a little easier. I worked in public service until retirement. I got myself into therapy recently, but during covid, there were no openings for counseling. I know what I need & want to accomplish through counseling. I volunteer, I help the less fortunate and I rescued pets to fill my home with life. I'm a single woman. I joined a music group on Tiktok and even found friends there in the same age group. I listen to podcasts to learn, I enjoy hearing others & how they deal with the subject at hand & other social issues. Never give up, keep learning and know what you want your goal to be. For me, it was enjoying my independence, having inner peace & serving others. I feel content & happy.
Loved your version. Gave good vibes instantly. Thank you ❤
As someone who is struggling with loneliness i really dont appreciate seeing the adverse affects listed time and time again, i'm already at the bottom and it adds to my stress. Just focus on solutions and empathy.
You have to master loneliness and introspect to truly accept yourself: you can't accept others or be accepted if you haven't found self-acceptance through growth. At least that's what I convince myself to stave this feeling off.
I wish we didnt blame the loneliness of Gen Z just on social media. Ive been dealing with intense loneliness for a year, and i havent even used social media in a long time. I just wish we wouldn't overlook all the other reasons we get lonely.
I’m young millennial/ old gen z (I still don’t know) and rarely spent any time on social media. Sometimes I think my lack of social media presence contributed to my lack of close friends but yeah it seems like there’s no winning and people are just trying to find something to blame
@@jayaves8789I have the same thought . Sometimes when people talk about a viral video , song ,etc . I feel like I am unnecessarily putting myself out of the loop leading to my own abandonment.
They don't care about effort
Agree
The price of vulnerability is far too high a price to pay!
They turn around and use your vulnerability against you!
For me it is that people start avoiding you because they don't want to deal with your vulnerability.
I hope this time i can get out of this 4 year season of loneliness
Why couldn't someone just tell me this?
Every time I check social media, I see my friends in their groups, and I feel like I will never have what they have. I felt like I was the only one with no real friends. But every time I think about it, I realize how much of a lie it is. I do have friends, just when I check social media I feel far away from the people and the times that make me feel accepted and a part of something. This video makes me feel normal. THANK YOU! Needed this
You are SO NOT ALONE! social media defo can suck in that way. Here’s to the things that remind us we ARE loved and ok!
Me too .... whenever I checked social media,I feel alone more & more
You are the best friends of yourself. I have no social media and stop using WhatsApp since pandemy _ I won't support Meta for what they did. So it looks like if you are on whatssap you have friends if not they don't even call .. This way I have prooved myself that I don't have real friends. But I will find new soon . Just need more time to get better with myself
I’m in it now and have been quite a number of years…. Desperately searching CZcams at this point and so many videos have been 100% useless (even Ted talks - by super social people on loneliness?!) but this video actually was Very good, really …… stepping out of comfort zone , starting w fun activities w others , great ideas . Means more than you could know, to me thanks
I'm 24/7 alone no friends no family.
Same
same here
Same ..we should connect
@chichan6969 out of the 3 of you I think you have more hope on surviving. At least you are trying to progress
Same😢
I’m 54 years old. The friends I had have either gotten married or have family matters to deal with or have children too. I’m not married and I don’t have a boyfriend either. Needless to say : I’m tired of it. Wen I was younger I just figured that friends came the same way as a boyfriend did, they just came into my life wenever they came.
Loneliness is one of the most difficult things to work through especially in a new environment. Reaching out to a close friend or participating in an comforting activity that brings joy are my two main tools to help me process any feelings of loneliness that happen. Walking or playing beat saber (or any kid of moment) also help redirect any negative feelings and focus on those endorphins for better sleep quality. Thank you for clearly defining loneliness and solitude. I used to think they emote the same results. I hope anyone who is combating loneliness knows that you are not alone and there is a friend out there who would be willing to listen or be present for you. Thanks Dr. Therese for all of the great information!
Thanks for your thoughts. Walking is seriously underrated!
Can I watch movies during time of loneliness to be become comfortable and relaxed@@DrThereseMascardo
Loneliness is a horrible thing to go through it really makes you feel like youve hit rock bottom and no matter how much u try to claw out you keep falling back in ive lost most my hope
Participating in activities and doing some work just to keep yourself busy or distracted is never a solution to overcome loneliness.
Loneliness comes from surrounding yourself with people who make you feel unwanted, casual disrespect, not connecting with yourself and not understanding your inner peace.
Again, keeping yourself busy is not a solution to overcome loneliness
I've been living with loneliness all my life and I'm 40.
😢❤
Me too. I am 30 :(
Spends the first 6 minutes telling you what you already know that loneliness is bad. Skip to 5:46 let's hope something useful is said at that point
😂 I was waiting for this comment. I was like yeah, we know loneliness is deadly, just get to the advice.
Ty
Moving abroad can be so lonely but I’m much better at being alone now than I used to be ❤ Such an important topic to cover
Sounds like you’re rocking solitude! And yes moving abroad can be TERRIFYING and lonely, what an amazing thing to do though 🙌🏼
Problem is social media is narcissists. I’d rather be alone. Too many fakes
I have experienced loneliness frequently for the last couple of years, especially since my mom died of end-stage Alzheimer's in December 2022. I was her full-time caregiver and very few people understand the relationship we had. I often feel lonely in a crowded room. Solitude tends to be by choice more often than not.
Such an important topic for our society right now!! Thanks! I believe the best way to prevent the feeling of loneliness is to be your own best friend, find your passion and do/create something you love. Once you find that sweet spot for yourself, your light will shine and attract likeminded people in your social circle ❤
Being your own best friend, love it!
I have been experiencing loneliness since I lost my best friend. I didn’t know how important it was until it was all over but the crying.
My life is a continuous track of loneliness: it’s been 8 weeks since anyone called. Since I spoke to another human being. My family never call. I have to call them. After years of helping them out with cars and money. I know that If didn’t ring them they wouldn’t ring me. I went 2 years without any contact with them. My friends have spread the world over and no one stays in touch. I want to die
this feels so relatable
I hear you, it's similar for me. I always have to initiate contact with family/friends to get attention. It sucks, i mean really.
People don't want to be approached or talked to, so going out and trying to make friends is impossible. 😅
I agree with you, sometimes it feels easier to stay inside the comfort zone than trying to get out there... such a great reminder not only on this topic but for anything in life. 😬
Thank you Therese for raising awareness about this topic ❤️. I believe that the busy and fast word we live in plus the amount of time spent on screen have a big impact on this. I personally feel that most of the time there is a sense of urgency that doesn't allow you to be fully present and then you start feeling disconnected. Keep the good work Therese, very interesting content!
This was so helpful. I especially appreciate the suggestions you shared to combat loneliness. Living alone during the pandemic has been very challenging and I’m so grateful that more social activities are coming back.
I’m so glad you managed to make it through such a hard season, and into this one with more social activities! 🙌🏼
I stay engaged by doing community theatre, attending concerts, traveling, hiking. I have found mostly well-intentioned but only casual connection. It’s better than nothing. Older widowers like myself are a bit of a third wheel. Facebook interestingly gives me a positive connection. When I travel, it gives me a group to share my experiences with even though I’m alone. It can be a struggle to stay upbeat.
During periods of lonlyness, I need to be on guard against over drinking and getting involved with undesirables.
Such great tips Dr.Therese! 👍🏻
So important to speak about loneliness especially when dealing with the downside of social media and the aftermath of the pandemic.
I am a 30 years old lady
And I think I have been feeling lonely since I was 7. And I have had enough of it!!!!
Hi... can we become friends? I'm looking for genuine friendship 😀
@@atrueperson8529
We can give us a try!
working 10 hours a day, including commute time, i think is a big part of what triggers my loneliness. but i’m making it my business to join a yoga studio and/or running club on saturdays, two things i love 😊
Thank you for posting!! I gained a lot of clarity and in sight. ❤ Take care.
I live a very isolated existence. I live alone and am at home alone 99% of the time. I have no social life and I feel more and more disconnected as time goes on. The only time I leave the house is if I have some essential business to take care of like grocery shopping or bill paying or medical appointments.
Wow. This really struck me. Thank you for the definition. It shifted my paradigm and helped a lot!
Thank you so much for this video!! It really helped me feel better and understand my situation!! Keep these videos going!!!
Dang woman, you hit me right in the ♥ with your explanation of not being seen, heard, etc.
Thanks for this wonderful video
Come on, how do u cope? U never answered 😭😭
I have not watch the video yet, because many self help videos- they actually never give solutions, and we spend lots of time for them, at the end we feel more miserable, we know ourselves that loneliness is not good😢
she said what is maning it worse. For example being on social media
Thank you, Dr. Therese.
Very helpful, I took lots of notes! Thank you x
I needed this. Thank you!
Love the preventative care analogy! Your mind is just as important as your body
Thank you 🙏🏼 now if we could just get everyone to agree 😉
"Your mind is just as important as your body" is obvious, she didnt say anything really....
I can communicate with a bunch of people and still feel lonely if I'm not deeply connecting with them. It's the same thing with being in a room with a lot of people. If I'm just having small talk with those people I can feel lonely. Right now I'm feeling very lonely. Was laid off of work a few months ago, and that has led me to feel lonely and isolated. Wish I had more deeper connections on top of that. Sending lots of love to anyone who is feeling loney.
You are amazing. I feel that loneliness is probably worse than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Great video!
So good. Really interesting about the knock on effects for your physical health! xx
Yes, right up YOUR alley I believe!
Long term loneliness saps the confidence and you become so socially paralised that no change can be made. Real loneliness is not manageable...
Lonliness is very serious issue. Ending up all alone with absolutely no one will drive you insane....
You feel it and it hurts 24 hours of the day...
I can't imagine what my aunt went through living all alone and she was found dead by neighbour .... 😢
Great video! Help a lot! Thank you so much! ❤
This video was really succinct and felt like it helped to get to the core of loneliness feelings. Even just the definition she gave like cleared the clouds around my confusion with my own prolonged loneliness.
I experience it most of the time when i go to a restaurant because there is no one else.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's important to recognize that your worth is not determined by external circumstances, such as work or relationships. Everyone goes through challenging times, and it's okay to feel the way you do. Consider reaching out to friends, family, or a mental health professional who can offer support and guidance. They can provide a different perspective and help you navigate these feelings. Remember, it's okay not to be perfect, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Well...the thing is... after 10 years of loneliness and girls psycopath bullying, I tried putting myself out there, got high school friends wich I NEVER were truly vunreable to, never told my inner toughts and darknes to wich also made me feel lonely around them.... and so the year after graduating I went to this lovely school with outdoors hiking life typa gang I got better connections, but not quite...because I truly never could let myself free bc of trauma. And now I have lost all of them. I also wirked a job I was so confident in first...but ended up quitting after 5 colleagues quit the same day because my other collegue got called a bully by this psycopath collegue where the boss only believed this person and never spoke to me or my collegues abt anything.(It's a super long and complicated unfair story). That broke me. And I even tried to be vunreable to this psycopath collegue only to get laughed at by her.... yeah now I self Isolate and so badly want to get a life but I am too scared. Idk, felt like being open to you guys and I have nothig else to do rn.... but I have reflected, and are seeing a therapist, that helps a tiny bit, but I feel so fuckig broken and SCARED. Welp.
Wow I am impressed you read that far ...
My issue is that I can not find any like minded person, trust me everyone around me are extremely superficial, and I can never relate to them, I feel more bored amoung this group of people.
I feel like i’m doing all these. I feel like i’m a good, warm person that you can break through with just a smile but nobody does smile or say hello. I feel like life is not worth living cause i keep doing is loving myself in order to show up for the world and yet i have no one. If I don’t go out I wouldn’t hear another person’s voice. No texts from anyone unless i first text them and they wouldn’t even take me seriously when i say i think I’m depressed or lonely. I invite people out so i can hear new stories besides the one i feed my mind but they don’t show up. Nobody cares my ego would keep telling me. Or they do something and don’t ask me out or include me. I’m just tired living in this pain.
I never want to experience life being single or alone forever; I also never want to feel purposely ignored or left out constantly; I also never want to go overboard with being socially active either. How do I make all of that happen for me in my life even though I really do hate the idea of making new friends that are near my age?
Thank you doc. It was really helpful ❤
I’m feel loneliest whenever I’m alone when there are special occasions that you want to share your joy and celebrate with someone..such as birthdays or like when I received a promotion, or paid off my house. Or when you’re dealing with grief, or just having an awful day at work, dealing with the all the negativity in the world, and there is no one there to comfort or just listen to you. I know I’m just weird.. I shy away from people and don’t let anyone in.. so I know I’m mostly to blame for my loneliness. But that does not stop the overwhelming sadness I feel some days.
So basically get out and meet people. Got it!
On going battle. Will continue 2b that loving peep I wish others could be. ❤
This is really good! At least one person that isn’t telling me to be alone more and “take myself on a date” and all the other crap. Very nice, balanced and sober approach! Thank you 🙏
I'm dealing with not wanting to engage because I'm not feeling the best mentally but I do things to make me feel better for i.e walking outside, window shopping or joining different groups for engagement
This was very helpful 🎉
I learned 4 key points to engage with my adult son - so thank you for that. These 4 measures can be applied to many assessments with the different people in my life.
Im lonely all the time ive been lonely since 1992.i dont have any friends and it hurts so much
loneliness cannot be put into words, its al about feelings and what goes around in your head my dear doctor
Just once I would love to open a video about loneliness and not be bombarded by these people reminding me of how it’s killing me ffs I’m trying to cope I don’t need the incessant reminders of death
@6:00 I would say while it's important to have hobbies and interests so that you have things to talk about it doesnt necessarily end loneli ess. Havjng company doesn't end it.
Groups can vary and its pure luck finding someone on your wave length.
Having company helps but it's the type of company. I've swapped numbers with people I've met volunteering, at courses, at meetups etc but 99% I've met them once and they have ghosted me or while they respond to my texts they make no effort to keep in contact. So the friendships are one sided.
Making friend as an adult is hard and luck plays a huge part in it.
I go to activities now for the events or to improve my skills. I try not to focus on the making of friends or the fact I'm lonley painfully so.
Ivebeen lonely since my mid teens. I've just not had much luck with this friendship thing. Oh well...
Good thing I can do things on my own 😊
I was a shy girl,didn't have many friends in School. Then I met my husband when I was 18 ,just Graduated and married 3 months in our relationship. He was my first boyfriend and Husband, we did everything together and after 2 Children, My husband passed away 😢
We were married 49 years .
I'm so Scared to live alone , my Routine and Confidence is gone. I lost my identity and even though I have two grown children,they are too busy with their Family and Working.
I'm so sad , I can't believe I'm a Widow . I'm trying so hard to be Social but I feel no one Cares . I'm 70 ,Who wants to meet an old Women like me. 😢💔
I feel lonely because I trust people very fast and they just use me for my body,and when I have friends on social media they ignore me everytime I don't know what is wrong about me
Sometime better lonely and living toxic environmente to protect yourself and peace of mind one day you must the right person for you
I got to meetups but people hardly ever show up again. How do you build meaningful connections when you aren't the type of person who hits it off when you meet someone for the first time?
Found this video and am trying to figure out how to combat loneliness. I want to give up. I've been through too much.
thank you
Good.... information...yes... helpful
I needed this so much. Thank you for the video. ❤
I don't get anything out of helping others. I always feel like i am just being used and without my assistance i have no value.
I was in a relationship where my partner was my best friend but they did something awful to me and I started to crave for what I believed was loneliness because I felt I was losing myself in that relationship, so I broke up with them. Now that I finally have what I wanted it feels not so good because I live in a city away from my family and friends and this person was my only company. I understand now that solitude is amazing but comes with the price of feeling lonely from time to time. Thanks for this video, it really helped me clear my mind.
So hurdle #1 is having the time/energy for socializing. Pretty much just working/recharging and caring for my home so not a lot of time and energy to set aside for connecting with others
I ve been lonely for 10 years. I have BPD and I am not able to find a partner or accept love :( All of my friends have partners and nobody wants to spend time with me....
3:01 So I'm lonely AND I'm going to die young... great...🧎🏽♀️
At this point I can't decide whether it's good or bad for me 😔😔😔
Id talk if you ever like but youtube fucked direct messaging onnhere.. sigh.. even harder to meet someone
this video is way to high energy for its topic
I did at some point volunteer in my community join a bowling league on the weekends participated in after school activities but all of that was during my childhood and throughout my teenage years as well as into my high school years. While I was in my college years I focused only on working so I can earn my own money from my job. Now that I only work so much just like everybody else in society; I still experience the feeling of loneliness. I feel like that my social life ended and no matter how many times I reach out since I try to make time whenever possible; I feel like I’m being purposely left out a lot since almost anybody that I grew up with are always constantly busy with their own things. I’m afraid that if I make any new friends in life they might do the same thing of ignoring me a lot by never trying to keep in contact with me and that really irritates me. Even when years go by of me being patient; it will still continue to happen no matter what.
I recently joined an organisation. It has everything that I was looking for quite a long time. But I have been at home for 2 months while I was looking out for jobs. But here after joining the organisation, other than my teammates, I’m not able to communicate or build relations with anyone else. I felt so weird and lonely today. And how I’ve been trying to engage in some conversation at lunch table but couldn’t say that out loud. Just trying, smiling and eating but couldn’t pass my thoughts. I’m feeling so baadd
Yes I found this helpful. I have some social connection amd that is helpful however it is something that comes and goes with me ie people move on, change etc such is life l guess .
How about loneliness because you have missed significant milestones in your life like marriage ? In my 20 s living alone was not an issue for me, but as I moved into my 30's and even now 40's it has become intolerable and loneliness has gripped in an overwhelming way.
Im worried this will be me.. approaching 30 now
I also have talked to a therapist before as well so that only has helped me a little bit, but has not helped me much. I’m still struggling with this.
That’s been my whole life
same here
How do you explain when a person feels detached from everyone even of they do the same activity together? I felt that round less than 10 times in my whole lifetime. What is the explanation to that? I did the opposite. I made myself vulnerable. But I think I did that too much that people took advantage if my weakness. Now I am 36 yrs old already and I finally know better. But I still can't help but look back on those feelings. And somehow now I know how to think and act everytime I'm with people so as to find that balance between being strong and open at the same time. I have my friends back in the Philippines but here abroad, I just can't seem to find people who seem to connect with me on a level that I expect to "qualify" them as my friend. I'm glad that I get along pretty well with everyone but somehow I have accepted the fact that my friendships will only be as shallow as that. My colleagues are great too. But as introvert, I just cannnot help but look back on how amazing my friendship was formed back in the day. My old friends, thank God, do stick around online. But, well, you get my point. Oh my goodness, I have written a whole paragraph in your comments section. Thanks for your video by the way.
My first step toward loneliness was loving someone truly without knowing whether she will love me or not.!!!!
Hearing once again how harmful can be to be lonely ( equivalent to smoking x cigarettes) it's making things feel even worse. And my point it's that is super overrated.
I've learned that happiness is something you achieve by daily habits, and not necessary depending by the emotional support you have from others. Nevertheless connection it's super important but most of the time people feel they are way behind just because they lack daily significant connection. And the true is that by a wealthy routine, hobbies, self care, good relationship with the self, keep seeing your friends, sun time etc. everyone can enjoy even a happier living compared with someone that has a significant connections with family and friends but lacks a good mindset.
Just a note not to feel discouraged and trust that you can exit this loop from where a low mood it can distance people apart while you need them the most.
I have been feeling loneliness, sadness for no reason, low confidence and so on right from younger days say in early 20s and Still feeling the same in my mid 30s..
Video starts at 1:21
i like your hair so much
I tried to make a friend last week and it worked, but i ended up having to call the cops on them. So im just ganna stick with being friends with my dog.
I’ve been there for 10 years now.
6:27
Does the doctor knows that most of our loneliness comes at 12.00am onwards!!
I've been married 3 times trust me being lonely is better than hearing someone's mouth
Lol
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my CZcams channel 8 months ago about self development. Now I have 942 subs and > 800 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
This is great advice..unfortunately for me I'm waaay past the point of this helping..I've made up my mind to unalive myself..I mean ehats the point..I've always been alone..it's sure as hell not going to change anytime soon. I have tried to connect with ppl I have tried to plan and go and do and nothing not even therapy has helped..I'm tired..I'm tired of getting wierd looks anytime I'm doing something alone..I'm tired of feeling worthless and pathetic I'm just so done..I find no value in my life
Hang in there. It’s the new norm unfortunately. Wishing you well
fuck it man. fuck what others think about you. only you matter at the end of the day. put yourself first
You must not ever give up. I joined a local exercise club in my community and it has been LIFE SAVING since they are open 24 hours. I go there and take the stretching, pilates, yoga or muscle toning classes and I have met other single people, like myself, who experience times of loneliness. You do not have to stay home and SUFFER alone. There are an unlimited number of people out there who are feeling and experiencing the! exact! same! thing! as! you! and together? We can all comfort and support one another.
It’s been about 11 months since this was posted. How are you?
5:38 it says
The best way to get a step forward is to practice being vulnerable with other people!!!!
The issue doctor is: when you don't feel exists, where to find people who would listen to you?