I have a CRUSH on my Therapist! | Kati Morton
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- čas přidán 29. 07. 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I admitted I had a crush on my therapist only because I thought that's the reason I was so awkward around him, and he said that it was just fine and that I was brave for saying that
Thank you for sharing your experience!! xoxo
Thank you for replying! I have a question about my therapist. I had depression for a long time and I told him from the beginning I had a problem with dealing with the pain of failure (because I failed my lifeguard test 3 times) and he only gave me advice on how to deal with it on the last day of therapy when he asked what my goals were after my therapy sessions with him end and he said "Just because you fail doesn't mean you're a failure" and I said that's really good advice and then I got mad at him because he didn't tell me that before. Is it a normal thing for therapists to not give advice even someone is venting?
paleobc65 so instead of things getting more awkward, it just got better? I did watch the video but I just don't believe that the interaction would get better if one confesses their crush on their therapist. I feel like it would get more awkward.
Kati Morton Hi, an off note. I tried to send you a Christmas card. I tried to send several. I am asking everyone else also. Unfortunately. I have gotten no response. I don't know how to take it. Yes but I don't care. No not at all or no response because they are just disconnected and have bad manners. I saw one on CZcams, so I am still waiting. Did the rest get lost?! Please let me know. Thanks.
I had a female guidance counselor, miss diagnosed me, as a favor to a facuilty member of the school she's was sleeping with. That took 7, yes 7 years of reputation repair and a PhD and a few attorneys. She finally confess to the above, plus they gave her something like 30k to sweeten the pot. Its a very small town, I turned down the advancement of his son, I didn't know who he was and I am not that kind of girl. During years of harrassment and final 7years stretch, I testified on behalf of others of her behavior and in the end I am sad to report it was my case that had her license yanked from her, she barely was able to keep her 30years retirement. Then came forward the male students whom she had slept with molested and tried passes on. Not much left of her retirement then. She moved away from the small town before I did. I am glad I left, just trying to get outta state. Therapist can be the worse. My PhD was a total bad ass and protecting my interest.
Well surprisingly it didn't, he said it was normal for a patient to have a crush on their therapist
One of the first things they told us in my Counseling Masters class was, "you are all going to be so (emotionally) attractive". Someone who listens non-judgmentally your problems and projects positive regard towards you is easy to feel attracted to regardless to the weird Freudian transference stuff Kati brought up. Not every instance of attaction has a clear link to your childhood.
How is it "weird Freudian transference stuff" if you are really trained at counseling? Its literally the basis of psychotherapy. The transference is the key of the therapeutic relationship.
I don't know if it's true, because why does it happen to us only with some therapists?
@@Nobody-Nowhere That’s not true at all.
I don’t agree that this one is Freudian, it’s quite intuitive actually. But I strongly agree that this is not the main mechanism.
@@Nobody-Nowhere there's other stuff out there besides Freud, mate. Open your mind.
I can’t stop thinking about my therapist. I wish she was my mum. I just want her love.
sportygal1991 feel u :(
Me too...
Same here.
Same :(
same
I never comment on videos, but I wanted to share my experience after taking the advice from this video. I brought this up in therapy and my therapist kind of freaked out, but we scheduled another session like normal. The day before the next session I got an email that the therapist couldn't make our appointment. Then the next week I got an email that I had been referred out. This is a cautionary tale, if you bring this up you might get to work through some deep issues with your therapist or you might get drop kicked out over email.
Wow. Not everyone is as professional as Dr Kati. I’ll just work thru these transference issues in my head then. I have a crush on my therapist but I would rather keep it to myself than lose her and have to “start over”. Thank you for sharing and I’m really hurt you experienced this in that way.
Holly crap thats pretty awful!
Well maybe it was for the best, I told my therapist that I have an attachment to him, he knew it from before we talked about it once and then never again, my feelings grew so much that I have to quit therapy with him because I couldn't bare it anymore, so after a year of therapy I ended up feeling worst
@@JenCollantes I'm so sorry. I got the courage up to try a new therapist pretty quickly after this happened to me. She was much older, like a grandmother figure, and it went really well. I got to the point where we both agreed that I didn't need therapy anymore. I hope you will have similar success :)
Lmao wow more traumatic stuff huh🤣. I guess I won't tell my therapist how much I love him...
lol, imagine going to therapy because you had a serious issue, then fell in love with the therapist and got rejected, so now you have your previous issue plus rejection
Welcome to my world
Same.
But hopefully a caring person to sit with you through the feelings of rejection and soothe you through it, and understand where the feelings are coming from. Hopefully it can be a ‘corrective emotional experience’ and can help heal the shame you feel from rejection, so you can see it as an issue of incompatibility rather than you being unlovable.
But is not really rejection. Not a proper one at least. Even if said professional was interested, he/she can't sadly move forward on that, especially considering that between you doing something or they doing something, they are the ones who could receive the most of the consequences. In other words you might feel rejected, but they might feel conflicted and could lose their job. Well no shit they are going to "reject" you.
@@dap4699 agree, I had a crush on my therapist and I didn't feel “rejected”.
They are going to lose their job and their reputation will go bad and I’ll be perfectly fine. My romantic feelings are my problem, not their, I never told them because I never wanted to make them feel bad even if it's accidental
I think it's just the fact that they ask us engaging questions like a good active listener. I for one, have hardly ever had that in my life. ❤️
Seems similar to when a teenager develops a crush on their teacher
Um. You literally clarified my whole teenage life lmao
I had a crush on my teacher.. 😞
That is also transference
Or a grown ass woman.... hahah I had the HUGEST crush on a jr college professor. He was handsome and hilarious...deadly combo ha
@@woolpuppy i dun think so
I came out to my therapist (female) last session and i got so scared that she'd be uncomfy but she reassured me really quickly.
Ruby W Congrats! :)
Ruby W I'm fucking mine
Im Nothere Lmao
Well done Ruby! Keep up the good work! Owning who you are is job, but it pays great rewards!
Ruby W lucky af
Or it could be your therapist is attractive.
Pete Leyva R.I.P. !!!
I had 2 therapists I seen in the past were very attractive. I never told them. I just keep it professional.
Pete Leyva this is so real for me omg fml
Pete Leyva You are thinking with your genitals and have completely missed the point.
They were very attractive
I don’t think I could ever bring this up to my therapist!!! I would be so raw and vulnerable and EXPLOITED. I would just live with it and deal with it on my own!
Hi Kati! Just wondering if you've ever done a video on being worried about disappointing your therapist so not necessarily telling them the whole truth about things?
Great idea
Amen! Would love to see such a video!
Yes please I do this
I would love to see this!! I think this is happening to me ;-;
I struggled with this one a lot a while ago. But now I see it like you are doing therapy for yourself in order to live a happier and more balanced life. If you really don't want to talk about something it is okay!. You are in control and power by pushing yourself gently forward. If u feel like you need to talk to your therapist about smth. because it could be important but you are too afraid of the reaction, judgment or smth. I learnd to say right that. To say that there is something you think you should tell but you don't know how or are afraid to do so it really helps feeling not that uncomfortable. And her/his reaction of understanding or knowing that can be super helpful. I found myself talking about these things like 2 hours or more after I brought it up because I felt ready somehow.
I had a crush on my same-sex, nearly same age therapist. It made sessions so hard at first... like I would be so anxious I could barely talk. I eventually told her and she told me that she knew. 😂 I had a huge fear that she would reject me if I told her but she was totally cool with it and was happy that I felt comfortable enough to admit it (to myself and to her). She tried helping me get to the root of it. She was an awesome therapist and I really miss working with her. 😩
Thank you for this comment! I'm going through this right now and I have to see my therapist tomorrow and I am going to tell her. But all these horror stories in the comments about being referred out were freaking me out. Thankfully, I stay in touch with my old therapist and I asked her for advice and she told me to bring it up. I feel like any good therapist is not going to freak out and I don't think mine will. I've had a few therapists that I saw for some length of time and I have never had a crush on any so this is really weird for me, but I'm glad this video explained it's normal. And I'm glad your experience was good! I've actually been journaling like crazy and uncovering a LOT of feelings and so I feel pretty prepared for when I go in tomorrow.
Oh god I hope my therapist doesn't know I have a crush on her. I want to just get over it on my own.
@@hannahdavenport9772what happened ? 👀👀👀
I had a bit of a crush on Kati :P :D
I kind of have a crush on Katie too. But she's not my therapist so.
i can slightly agree, she has such a nice, empathetic, nurturing energy!
Same here
Same omg
I think I do too! She's such a beautiful soul.
Kati please don't stop making those videos...honestly I don't know how my life is going on without watching your videos 💕
I don't have plans to ever stop :) xoxo
Get your life together. I’ve been through hell since a child, you are shredded paper.
This made me think of Sam on Atypical having a crush on Julia, his therapist
sophiamarie101 same
sophiamarie101 ME TOI
sophiamarie101 such a great show!
Same!
LOL SAME
I haven't experienced this exactly, but I have felt parental attachment with adults out side my family, especially school teachers that I become closer with.
How did you solve that? Did you at all?
Because I'm having the same problem and I don't know how to get rid of it. I can't avoid those people, but they also probably don't know enough about this transference so I could tell them without making them uncomfortable. Plus it's not really their job to deal with that.
So how did you handle it?
@@wifipigeon01 hey did you ever figure it out or how to handle it? I’m also dealing with the same thing :/
These types of videos are my favorite! The ones that talk about the client-therapist relationship.
I remember having a crush on two of my therapists and I remember the first time it happened I quit therapy so quick because I was so nervous and scared and thought I was dirty/wrong.
With my second therapist I told her when it happened and we were able to work through it and I continued to see her until she referred me on for a specific issue.
It is so nice to see you talking about this, and I am so glad and relieved to hear you say it is normal and to give it a name!
Thank you for this video, and all of your others!
Peace, and love!
Thank you for sharing your experience! I am so glad you found a therapist who would work through it with you :) yay!! xoxo
Hey Jeri, can you tell me how exactly you could work trough these feelings with you therapist? I told my therapist about my feelings as well and she was very understanding and supportive and said that it is okay how I feel and even that I should enjoy this. But I still have those feelings and I am not sure if they fade over time or how you can reallly work through them.
Connectivity is attractive tho.
If it's transference, then all relationships are transference.
I agree. Having someone actually care about what you say is so reassuring and safe.
I have been wondering about that . If you are sexually or romantically attracted to anyone who gives safe space and listens and care about you, then all relationships are transferences ? That’s a real question
What about when you're not really having a crush on your therapist, and you understand that you're projecting onto them because they make you feel safe, but you're still really touch-starved from not having healthy intimate relationships, and you just... really want a HUG from your therapist???
I brought this up to my therapist a couple years ago and it’s like she didn’t want to talk about it.. and then a few sessions later I was referred out. But once I had a crush on her, I knew it was time to move on because I was then uncomfortable and I could tell she was as well.. she was very inexperienced-and not very knowledgeable about my disorders.. it was just disaster out after the referral out. I was treated like a monster because I have bpd and since she told some other ppl I was having transference issues, nobody else would help me. Which led to my first suicide attempt.
Damn... that's intense. I think it's really natural for people who experienced abusive childhoods to be attracted to the kind of compassion that Psychologists sometimes have. It can be confusing. I don't think that relationships can survive without self awareness of our psychological issues.
That's horrible, I'm sorry you went through that. Was this a trainee or something?
She told people ANYTHING about your sessions and what was going on and people knew it was you?! That’s a confidentiality issue, my dude. A giant one. She could have her ass burned for that. And she should have.
i am very sorry you went trough this, I just want you to know you are loved and that you are going to be okay!
@@sweetpjeb23 onm
I admitted to my therapist I had a big crush on her and she was understanding but was uncomfortable with addressing the issue as she said it was not what is practiced to do and that it is hard for her to work with me as she is the center of attention in the therapeutic process. I never asked her for anything more than just talking about it, which is why I thought it would be ok to continue going to her. So it went swiped under the rug for most of the time and I was left trying to figure it out on my own which for a while I thought I did and the emotions died down cause all she could say to me is that if it continues on she will terminate. I didn't want that, so I did my best to deconstruct my emotions in my head and try to somehow make them go away. But after a few months when they came back I told her again what is happening and she just transferred me to another male therapist very suddenly. I almost committed suicide and for two months I was a train wreck and my life was chaotic. I abused medication and alcohol during that time after the sudden termination and if it were not for a girl and a friend that helped me through that period i would most certainly be dead by now or seriously injured with an overdose of medication. Be very careful around this stuff, it is no joke and I suggest that, if you think you are prone to something like this, ask your therapist what do they usually do in these situations at the beginning of your therapeutic relationship. Later I realized, that even if you don't push things overboard, many therapist wont work with you on your transference, they will just transfer you and that can hurt a lot..
As a therapist, can I ask if you ever confronted her or wrote her a letter telling her that what she did was incredibly damaging and why? My guess is, she might have thought it would be better for you to be away from her and might not even know how much you suffered. If this had been me, I'd want to know if I effed up that badly.
Yeah, I guess you have a point. I'm thinking from my perspective and that's most likely not what she'd think.
I completely agreed with you
Omg this is so painful i understand you i developed really strong felings for a young male therapist after 1 session i have not told him i am too shy but i told my counsler and i cannot belive how strong this emotions are it is insane i felt like im losing my mind i hope you are ok today
This does not sound like a very experienced or empathic therapist. It sounds like they have their own issues to work out regarding love. It seemed to have scared them instead of graciously accepting your regard and living with it. Unfortunately, many people have these difficulties but therapists need to be able to handle it better than most.
I just started watching but your videos makes me feel more human and less like an outcast.
I feel more like a mother/father feeling then romantic with any of my therapists.
Hi Kati. About a week ago, and out of desperation, I Googled, "I am falling in love with my therapist". That is how I came across this video you posted. And ever since then, I have been watching several of your videos and I have found them to be so very helpful in understanding myself and others. So thank you so very much for what you do. Now, in the video "Crush on my Therapist", you stated that it was important for me to tell my therapist what had happen. I was so scared to do so, but I finally got brave enough and sent her an email yesterday about what is going on. Today I met with her. And I was devestated when she told me that after considering my email, she feels I need to be referred to someone else. I told her she is the first therapist I ever have connected with and felt I could tell anything to. I begged her to continue working with me. I assured her that we can work on it and it'll pass. She told me she would talk it over with some of her colleges and reconsider. I sent her the link to your video on this issue as well. I am so scared to lose her. I don't want to go through another half dozen therapist to find one I can work with. Please. Any advise would be so very appreciated.
I hope you found peace with whatever happened. People should not be punished for being honest and loving
@@mcb00 especially after he begged her not to transfer him that he would work through it. The fact that he hasn’t responded is very concerning.
@@mcb00 It's not really clear what happened there and we only have one side of an open-ended story. So I find it strange to view this as punishment. To anyone reading this while in a similar situation: There are legitimate reasons for why your therapist would make the decision and stop seeing you, it doesn't mean it's your fault or a punishment or anything of that sort.
This is a reason I don't see male therapists, because I am scared of becoming attached to them and developing that sort of relationship with them, but I am having to see a male doc/psychologist for my Neurofeedback sessions that are coming up And I am SOOOOO nervous that this is going to develop... definitely going to bring it up asap if it does. Thanks Kati!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌
So glad this was helpful!!! xoxo
I’m bi so there’s NO escaping that danger haha
@@rosefitz7694 Just find a therapist who you find physically unattractive
Maddison Anne I have to see male providers because I just don’t feel comfortable opening up to females floor some reason. Honestly, it never in the 5 years I’ve seen him has it crossed my mind until recently when I realized this was happening and now I’m panicking.
@@sweetpjeb23 did you ever let him know? If so, how did it go?
Kati! Yes, this has happened with my counselor, who is actually still my counselor. I confessed all sorts of things, really really intimate fantasies and the such. She actually thought it was best that I stop seeing her, but after thinking about it, she decided to continue the counseling. I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD from emotional abuse from childhood (by a separate EMDR therapist) and my counselor decided to work through this with me. It's really true, how badly you suffered from lack of nurture, love, warmth in childhood, REALLY transfers onto therapist. There was SO MUCH LACKING..so there was some major erotic transference. I'm so happy that its totally normal and I can share this with NO SHAME!!!
liz johnson I’m glad you shared - especially that part of how true it is that the erotic stuff is really just intense loneliness and not true love ...basically it’s an illusion
Scrambled Inside :(
Wow. That's actually quite powerful, that you both were able to get through this.
I didn't get the love and support I needed at home growing up, and my whole life I've been trying to fill that void. I've especially wanted to have someone be like a mom to me. I remember as a child that I, even then, I could get "hung up" on someone else's mom or a teacher. I felt like I wanted that person to take care of me and be what I needed so badly. I needed that emotional connection to a mother figure. As an adult this keep happening. I feel like I sometimes hope that I could have a similar kind of relationship with someone. Is there any healthy way to fill that void?
Also, I want to share what happened with my previous therapist. She's an older woman that I felt really safe with. She was a private therapist working out of her own company and she could really go above and beyond for a patient. She used her private cell phone in work and she sometimes agreed with certain patients that they could contact her if it was urgent. I remember having hour long conversations with her on the phone a few times, for free. I even got a few therapy sessions for free. I don't know if that contributed to me feeling like it was okay to get closer to her, but it certainly makes sense if it was part of it. At one point I asked her if she could "adopt me" and be like a mom to me. I was embarrased about this and understood that, of course, she couldn't possibly say yes to this. But when it came up in therapy that I felt that way she considered it, talked about it with her husband (which I was okay with) and then eventually said YES. This new relationship was supposed to start after my therapy had ended, but I was so overjoyed about it and emotionally it did start. I also had lunch with her a few times, sent texts and even went on a trip with her over a few days to her summer house. I loved it, but I had this huge void to fill, and in the end it became too much for her and she wanted to end the whole thing even though she'd went as far as saying that she loved me a couple of times. I was heartbroken, but eventually I did understand and even kept going in therapy with her for a while longer until I was referred to a psychiatrist from my GP. I then decided to have all my psychiatric treatment at the same place. It's also A LOT cheaper, and it's a really good and professional setting where I have contact with a psychiatrist, a specialized nurse and now also a psychologist. My contact with my old therapist has sort of died out completely now, I think, even though she said she'd be in touch. I still have her on Instagram and stuff like that, but we haven't had any direct contact in over six months now and I feel like I've kind of gotten over the whole thing and I have no hard feelings towards her. Although I do see how this could have ended really badly and I could have been worse off than when I started going to her, and that's kind of scary to think about.
Now I reallt like and feel safe with my psychologist... I caught myself thinking the other day that I wish I could have a mom like her... but, I'm choosing not going down that road again. She seems really professional so I don't see any risks, also I know better now and I really need her to be just a psychologist for me so that I can get treatment for my PTSD.
I just recently got into therapy and I'm glad I did. I watch your videos all the time and my therapist is really soft-spoken and kindhearted just like you are.
Thank you for the strength to get help.
I’ve had a crush on my male therapist and then over time it went away.
Am I the only one, who thought that it may be really hard and sad to be a therapist? Imagine: you meet a person you really like... but this person came as a client... And you will never be able to become closer to him/her, because you are a professional... never... such a hard work...
That... And more. Is also hard for us clients/patients in that point of view.
I never had a crush on my therapist, one therapist was very motherly and I told her to adopt me but literally just a joke!! Hahah she is still my therapist:)
Could you do a video on what is trauma and what ISNT trauma? Love your videos theyre so helpful 💗
Charlee Johnson yes please, I'd appreciate that video!
Charlee Johnson hello. She has a video on being traumatized, maybe you can find what you're looking for there: czcams.com/video/UugEXRMYXoE/video.html
I hope it helps,
xoxo
What a mood. I become obsessed with people who show me the slightest remnants of caring wow #bpdthings
So so true. The boundaries are there for a reason, to protect YOU. Thank you for this Kati!
I had a “crush” on a therapist a few years back where I shared this with her in session a few times. She became silent each time. I terminated therapy with her, but feel as if I’ve not “emotionally healed” from that years later, even after working with different therapists since then. This is a triggering subject for me.
I fell deply infatuated with my therapist at first sight. Its been years since I have seen her but even now I still think of her sometimes.
I think you are such a sweet, caring, empathetic soul and I learn so much from your videos Kati
It happened to me once. Not in THAT way, but towards one therapist I started to have feelings as to a close friend; she referred me to seeking someone else. In time I understood it was necessary. But I swear to whomever / what ever you want, if it should happen again, I'm out of therapy. I mean like completely. There's no way I would want to go through that process again. For 1: it's too painful to lose someone you trust (nevertheless and either way it still is a relationship) and 2 the whole process of finding someone new and more so building trust in each other (which I still have issues with)😢... Just no, as I've said before if for whatever the reason I would have to go to another therapist, I'd rather go out of therapy completely. 😔And I'm very very sorry for the long comment. I didn't mean it to be this long.😓
Can you talk about teacher and student relationships ?
jdmkitten yesss
xD she already covered DADDY ISSUES...
I definitely avoid male therapists for a variety of reasons. The thumbnail/title of video made me chuckle slightly because my therapist is a 62 year old woman. But this IS a serious topic -- makes me sick that this happens.
Comic Zealot Same 👍
I had a male therapist and male psychologist. The 1st male therapist actually I felt so comfortable talking to him about anything. Just one bad experience with one male psychologist. I guess when it feels wrong, it is time to back out.
Hehe I'm pan so it's not that easy for me. Luckily, I haven't experienced this though.
Are referencing a lack of trust that you have for male therapists or a desire to avoid therapists that you could potentially form a crush on?
Ryan I have PTSD from rape and abuse. All men make me anxious if I’m alone with them.
Hi Katie, I just found this Channel and want to thank you for these videos currently I am studying for a Diploma in Counselling and these videos are really helping me to have a better understanding of the information I am learning.
I haven’t had a crush on my therapist (parental attachment stuff, though, plenty! lol), but she’s been sure to remind me many times that it’s ok to bring it up if ever that happens.
Thank you Kati, this was incredibly helpful, more than I can find the words for right now. What I especially find helpful is that it's applicable for attractions/crushes not just on our therapist, but many other relationships that we know are just not right/healthy but we can't help feeling those feelings for. You give a great analysis of why we may be making the same mistakes or choices with who we pursue crushes on, and the importance of stepping back to reflect and work through the origin :)
that's some good advice! appreciate the work you're doing through this channel, Kati! have a great day!
Oh my god thank you so much Ms. Morton! I was really freaking out about having a crush on my therapist, feeling like I was wrong and really kinda beating myself up over it. It’s been going on, with increasing severity for a while now...This video was SO HELPFUL and I can’t wait to go back to her and tell her what I discovered. (I’m certain she already knows and has been waiting on me to actually give voice to it but that doesn’t make it not terrifying). The point is that I feel less like an inappropriate, freakish monster about a process that you were able to convince me is normal, normalish anyway. . Thank you X1000
Funny experience-I have never had a crush on any of my therapists, but my second one was utterly convinced that I was in love with her. She would give me lectures on transference and say that my feelings (which I didn’t have) were valid and understandable. This would take like 20 minutes of session time. This went on even after I told her that I didn’t have feelings for her. Directly. And after she asked me if I felt attracted to her, to which I replied “No”. And just to be clear, I never brought the subject up in any way, she did.
She was also convinced that I wasn’t a lesbian after I told her I was. By which I mean she thought I was straight. She was a woman, I am a woman, I’ll let you guys play with that math. I’ve never been able to figure it out and I drew diagrams and everything.
She was transferring her feelings for you onto you as being your feelings. She was probably disappointed you were a lesbian, but not attracted to her. That’s what I “hear” in your situation.
That’s actually hilarious 💀
Love your sense of humor
🤣🤣🤣 I hope you’re joking! This would be an amazing skit, sorry..
But if not, SHE actually needs more therapy and should probably not practice until she deals with her shit 🤷🏾♂️
I’d be pissed cuz therapy’s expensive💀
Thank you so much for this video, Kati. I've had some feelings for my own therapist develop recently, and though it's still going to be one of the most difficult topics I've ever brought up with anyone in my life, you've at least given me *some* reassurance and encouragement, and helped cement the utmost importance of having that conversation. This *will* be the first thing I bring up on my next visit. Again, thank you very much.
I developed a crush on a mental health worker who helped me a lot the first few times I was in a psychiatric hospital. It got to the point where when I had to go home, I would cry and feel horrible because I didn’t want to leave him, knowing we couldn’t connect on facebook or anything. At one point I told him (sobbing) that I was emotionally attached and he basically just told me that he’d be rooting for me and wishing the best for me in the future. It’s been years and I still think about him every single day. I actually feel like a creep about it, like I’m obsessed with him. I found his facebook and I check it out every now and then. My heart breaks knowing that I most likely will never see him again.
ChrisSarah why don't you add him? if you aren't seeing him anymore then I don't see why having a friendship with him would be wrong
Kitty It would be illegal, he’s not supposed to link up with ex patients, especially considering he still works at the hospital i could potentially go back to. trust me even though i knew this i still friended him on facebook and he couldn’t or wouldn’t accept it.
Sebastian Biller haha oh yeah trust me we talk about it somewhat frequently
ChrisSarah hey do you know if that law applies to therapists in like a rehab? And would you know what the law states? I’m curious, thanks
You have pretty grey eyes.
I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
thank you for dbt workbook suggestion .... i m recovering 😊 ..love you kati ❤❤❤❤
thank you, those feelings came up at one point and i brought it up but i still felt ashamed after. this video helped me affirm to myself that it was a normal response.
I was searching for videos to know life from psychologists perspective and I am so glad I found your channel. Looking forward to hear more from you.
Ca you make a workbook for anxiety? I love you videos too. I just started watching like a week again and I love them. You are so helpful. Thanks!😀
I'm dealing with parental transference with mine and it's been going on for at least four months and because of ur videos I have decided to bring it up with him. Thank u!!!
Harley Sin how’d it go
Callum James it went well, he handled it in such a professional manner and at will be discussing it further today I'm sure. He's a great therapist and I know I can work through this with him
Harley Sin great
yep can relate. I ended up sending them an email over a two week break for the holidays and then didn't really discuss it until 3 weeks back in sessions because I was embarrassed. it has been dwindling which is good but definitely made me feel really crazy and anxious af for a time. they handled it really well.
This has happened. I recognized it immediately and brought it up with my doctor. It was never an issue because we talked about it and it played itself out. I think if transference isn’t talked about is when it becomes an issue and therapy stops being effective. Talking about is important because you get to heal something and you learn better skills around being vulnerable. Thanks for the video topic.
Oh no I just love this guys brain and how smart he is, make me happy when he speak , I listen to every word, he don’t even know
I struggled with this last year. I took your advice back then and talked to her about it. It wasn't easy but keeping all these feelings and thoughts hidden for months was so much harder. So I was glad I finally did it. I have to say that the therapy became a bit more uncomfortable after that and I think we lost that "click" we had before all this happened.
I switched to another treatment center 3 months ago with a different group of therapists and I'm glad that I did because I'm finally making tiny bits of progress again. There are a couple of therapists where I have a good click with but I'm a bit scared it'll happen again so I keep my distance a bit more than I probably should.
Serious question, what if it is not transference and what if someone actually fell in love with their therapist? Another heartbreak? 😐
Yeah right? It can happen, and it can be mutual, though rarely, probably. I suppose Kati didn't say that this is a possibility so as not to get anyone's hopes up, as it surely is an extremely rare occurrence, and probably usually has no happy ending. I don't have a crush on my therapist or am in love, but I had genuine loving feelings for my therapist. And it made me very sad that our relationship was finite, because, well, every person is unique and even if I didn't know much about her, I just liked her presence, her... 'being' so, so much. I think transference was part of the (platonic) attraction, but then there's this other thing, this other aspect, that every person is unique and can be liked/loved for who they are, and can't be replaced by anyone in this world. I felt seen by her as a person (most days), and I felt I could see her as person (most days), despite not knowing her 'extra-professional' persona.
Katha A-b yes that is exactly my question, like what if you fell in love with the therapist, and reached that sudden realization that this will be a finite relationship? This realization alone could push the person into another severe depression. Also, I believe transference is just a very rare thing, most of the times people know the feeling is real.
That can definitely happen... :/. I think then it's important to go and see someone else, another therapist, to work through that heartbreak, otherwise you get stuck in a very unhealthy place, even if your feelings are 'real' and not caused by transference. And about transference, I'm not a professional, but apparently that's a well-studied thing and I can totally see how that can happen easily, but still I also think therapists are more than a helpful but blank piece of canvas and all of the feelings one as a client can have for them is purely made-up and actually directed at someone else.
Katha A-b I have realized this one thing in my life that certain well studied things do not take personal experiences into account and decide that the experiences are anomalies. That is why I talked about transference being a rare thing. And yep, it could also be that one is falling for the professional personality the therapist is displaying, but then again, what if that feeling is super genuine too?
Real life is always more difficult and complex than categories, diagnoses and generalizations, even if they're scientific. But those things, I suppose, give us a starting point or a point for discussion that helps us on our way to understanding ourselves, our behavior and our feelings ... Well, I'm starting to get off topic. For me personally, I knew I was crossing a line (into the 'unreal') when I felt like I needed my therapist to fill a void in my life. I mentally gave her a role and an importance that she just could and would never ever live up to. But when I started to see my illusionary wishes and dreams and they slowly started to abate somewhat, I was and still am left with a genuine warm feeling towards that person ... that specific human being. And I miss seeing her. Just rambling on and on... ;). Wishing you all the best!
Thank you so much for talking about this, Kati! I am currently experiencing this type of transference. I think it's because I do find them attractive and like the attention I receive from them. I've never been in a romantic relationship. I'm glad someone cares about my well-being as a human being. I'm disabled and have people take care of me but I never feel they're truly around because they like me for who I am... Instead, they're just there as a temporary relationship until they stop working as my caregiver. Hopefully that makes sense.
Hi kati I love your videos they really do help me especially since I finished therapy a few weeks ago and have been really missing it thank you so much for making these videos
I was very attracted to my therapist. I told her I was romantically attracted to her and that I probably shouldn't keep seeing her. She understood. Long story short, we've been married for 10 years now.
No kidding?
Omg
😮😮😮
Wow, seriously?
I would so like this to be a joke
Kati, thank you for all you do ♥
Omg I had this with my hairstylist because I was lacking those certain needs from my mom and my hairstylist would always comfort my and be super understanding for everything she was very much like a counselor because she was smart and knew a lot and what to say. and I had these feeling for her because of the lacking feeling with my mom. I totally understand it now.
Thank you again for this video Kati! You’re amazing!!
oh gosh kati, I was JUST wondering if you had made a video on this the other day.. you read my mind!
Omg I finally get to see your videos! For some reason my notifications we're turned off. 😊 I luv ya Kati!!
I'm so glad you're back!!! xoxo
mickey 31803 stupid youtube does that some times -_-
Wow...I was right there with my last therapist and can see it coming on again with a new one. 65 years of not telling anyone what's going on inside releases some powerful feelings.
Love has no boundaries!
I remember I used to feel some sort of affection towards my therapist but not like romantically just like I liked talking to her.I got a bit scared cause I didnt want to feel too attached to her.Indeed,as you mentioned I felt it was more like I miss that relationship with my mom so I felt good having a female figure actually listening w/o judging.Thank you for everything Kati♡
I have been to therapy sometimes in my life, but never went regurlarly with the same person. Five years ago I knew I needed help, so I tried to search for it, but felt that every therapist I went to ended up making wrong judgements about me. So I gave up on the idea of therapy. But months later I met a teacher with whom I took private lessons, he slowly became the person who listened to me without judging, giving me advice and making me feel always safe and supported. And I fell for him. I told him a week ago what had happened to me with him, and he totally understood. He brought up in conversation the fact that some clients fall for their therapists too, and that is why I am searching for this. Now I understand better. I really needed therapy then, but ended up finding in him someone whom with I could open up with no fear, someone who I felt that would understand. I craved for that then. And I thought for years that falling for him was just so wrong and unacceptable.
Great video Kati - and I loved the one you did on transference before as well. Great topic and great to bring it up.
I’ve been watching this video again and again for a month now..... I still can’t bring myself to tell my therapist
You're so helpful! I love you x
thank you so much for making these videos kati i love u sm
Great video topic, Kati. Thank you for this.
I've never had a crush on a therapist but dang... I wasn't encouraged to hug my parents growing up and I crave it now. It's not sexual but I just want someone to hug, rub my back, play with my hair, etc and since I didn't get it as a kid that's probably why I feel like I need it now. The problem is since I was discouraged from it as a kid (it showed "weakness" apparently) I get really scared to initiate hugs.
Sarah Poynter wow. So messed up in so many ways.
Xenon ya this is something I'm dealing with now. I go through these periods where I need physical contact with another person... again it's not sexual, just like a hug or something. I heard that a healthy person gets 10 hugs a day but I probably get hugged once every six months, if that. The problem is I'm terrified to give people hugs because I'm afraid they'll be mad at me.
Ok I’m am going thru the same thing as well. I feel like I also don’t know how to or am afraid to do these things with others. I never initiate a hug, but I really want them. Growing up my family never hugged or told each other we loved them. I feel deprived of physical touch
I like to be surprised by someone giving me a hug. I'm not one to initiate that if it is someone I'm not very familiar with, but getting a hug out of the blue is great. And if it turns out that the person is a hugger, then it wouldn't be a problem to give them all they can handle. It really is okay to let someone know that you like getting a hug. You'll find a lot more people receptive to that than you could possibly imagine.
@@giannasanchez8194 so do I
hi Kati! Your videos help me so much !thank you!!x
Thanks for making this video, in fact I have had experiences like that. My therapists were in their 20's and stunning. I have had experiences with that therapist, physical, love experiences with them, not knowing it was illegal. Not understanding why it would be illegal.
I had a crush on my first therapist, i admit i tried to stalk her through social medias, but thankfully it's all private.
After feeling that way i just stopped seeing her, because i feel to bad for even thinking about it, i don't even know what that is, so a natural reaction for me was to stop seeing her.
Thank you katie for educating me on this topic. Labeling what we feel really helps preventing it.
Omg that Video is so good! So relieving to understand it now and feel less weird!!! Thank u!!!!!
This is really interesting!! Thank you for making these videos kati ♥
Thanks for this video. I had a crush on a former therapist. I felt terrible for it though and it caused my depression and suicidal thoughts to worsen. She eventually left so I got a little better. But I still really miss her. Now I know why.
I love my therapist
I love my former therapist. Saw her for about 5 years. Still talk to each other now and then. No romantic attachment. Very grateful to her. The strides we made significantly improved my life. My current therapist is good, understanding transference was addressed with my old therapist.
I've known the first therapist 24 years or so.
I'm actually surprised I haven't got a crush on my therapist. She's really pretty and soft spoken.
Also, I didn't get a notification for this video (and yet this is the earliest I've ever been)
I wonder why you didn't get the notification.. hmmm. But I am glad you enjoyed the video and found it anyways!! xoxo
Kati Morton Oh, wait! I got it! Sorry 😅 And yup I always enjoy your videos 😊
FujoshiPeanut sometimes takes a while to reach ya
Great video! Can u do a video on psychosis and how to get back into functioning life after an episode and how long is too long to get back to your "normal" self. Its been a little over a year for me and i just feel my progress is going very slow.
Thanks again for all ur great insites!
this makes so much sense. when i was in high school i had a teacher who was really emotionally supportive and me and my sister hung out with her a lot. Now that i’m older i can look back and think about how i had a lot of attention issues with her because I was seeking a mother figure from her. I remember one time during a production she was running she yelled at me in front of everyone for talking and i felt SO portrayed by her. It was a really a nice relationship to have during high school but also looking back now it seemed a little unhealthy.
Thankfully I have never had a crush on any of my therapists. But I have known people who have. It's actually quite interesting. Very informative video. Thank you!
I have had a crush on my therapist since April last year. I stopped seeing her for awhile but I got referred back to her. I am bisexual. I seem to be attracted to more girls now
I felt like I wanted to like hug my therapist but not anything more I kinda wanted her to be my friend a bit because therapy became ranting I was just letting stuff out feeling good right after but not getting better
I had a similar occurrence when I served in the army. One of my soldiers crushed on/fell in love with me. It caught me completely off guard, I had no idea what to do. It was at the very end of our professional relationship and I knew I'd never see them again, but it was shaking. Obviously I told them, that, while I'm flattered, I'm both not interested and not allowed to persue a relationship with a soldier who's under my command. They took it hard. I wish I could have given a more 'therapeutic' response, but I wasn't trained that way.
i just told her and i was trasfered from her care. I still miss her and it been two years ago.
This helped so much, I had a crush on my teacher (stupid I know) I now feel less alone now, thankyou ❤
I didnt do anything wrong. But a woman psychologist at the college i went to got the idea i was "too" connected to a male trainee psychologist and he accepted that this woman was right. Long story short. I got picked up from the college campus by psych hospital workers and made an involuntarily inpatient at the hospital for 12 days and given a lifetime ban from ever setting foot back on the college campus part way through a course. I wish i had had someone to advocate for me. I didnt stand a chance against all the professional people. Id honestly not done anything or said anything inappropriate to end up with what happened. I have since heard other people mention issues they had had with this female psychologist. But unfortunately as a single woman with no external support network at the time. The college were not made to supply any evidence outside of whatever that woman said when she phoned the psych hospital and i was taken away.
Thanks Katie...you help me To understand something...have a nice day...
Yr videos are such a blessing
can you just fall in love because you like the guy???? i mean i liked my therapist since the first time i saw him i was like wow thats my therapist? good heavens i'm save hahahah . i don't know just a question. i've been thinking on telling him but i just can't.
I never had a crush on my therapist but on a psychiatrist he was so sweet and loving