As an intj I once asked myself how to develop my Fe, the answer obviously is to go be around people. Immediately I thought "no is there a book I can read instead"
The lack of Se and not taking care of your body is so true I remember one person saying what's the point of making all these future long term plans if you wont live to make them true. It hit hard.
As an INFP, I have a huge soft spot for tertiary Fi because it reminds be of how I felt as a teen/preteen and I'm really sympathetic when an INTJ feels too vulnerable or is struggling to juggle Fi hurt. I just wanna put a blanket around them and tell them feelings are okay. On the other hand, if they vent their Fi through Te attacks, it's incredibly intimidating and suddenly has me questioning my entire identity!
25:07 I have to agree with Alexis here. If I’m sad, it usually helps to put on sad music and just feel those feelings really strongly and kind of let it all out. And then I always start shifting to happier music gradually without really even realizing it. And it’s the same if I’m really angry or annoyed for example after work. I’ll start listening to heavy metal and by the time I get home the music and my mood have changed to something more cheerful. 😄 But if I start with happy music, I’ll get even more annoyed.
37:39 "One thing for INTJs I think is actually really good is I would recommend being on camera even if you didn't post it. I have learned _SO MUCH_ watching myself." That's great advice; I will keep that in mind. It reminds me also of language learning, where my mind really thinks that I am nailing a certain accent or dialect, but when I listen back to a recording of it, in actual practice I am _totally not really though._ That was mind expanding in a grounding and humbling way.
19:49 "I like to describe INTJs, and maybe you'll disagree, as a dragon with a teddybear inside. A little stuffed animal, with a dragon exterior." That's trippy. For years my self-talk has been "I am the dragon, and I am the lamb," and when I think of 'the lamb', I have this mental image of a plushie I saw in the 2000s, of a stuffed lamb wearing wolf's clothing.
'choosing' to change my emotional state is one of the most valuable skills I have developed, but there is a catch: it is another layer of armor to hide behind when you want to. But at least this armor isn't just protecting you, its actively healing you.
I thought the same thing as well may be the things we planned and studied don’t happen right away, or tmr but with action and reflection, we recall all of these things we accumulated throughout the years that lead up to the present moment being a healthy moment!! But I guess if you did not let anyone in, but knew all the books you could use that as only seeing people through high standards, because they don’t fit what you know, right now in college I am struggling with that as well. Maybe I’m not struggling maybe I’m just in my head too much.
@@abrahamjoseph1673 It is not easy for young people in college to date in these times. I have two kids in college and they are struggling to find quality and like-minded relationships. Just keep going and working to be your best.
Getting 3 best friends would kill me 😅. Trust me, I tried it. Maybe if they are other low maintenance introverts like me than I can survive. But it felt like they were draining the life out of me and I started to resent them for taking my me time away. But I have since developed better boundaries and learned to be more vocal about needs for space. I feel like people still take that need personally though.
Watching this as a ISTP who was mistyped as a INTJ for quite a while because my father is a INTJ and I picked up on some of his values growing up. Good video!
Age 60 and still told to smile. Why? To make YOU feel better? What if I’m deep in thought, not super happy or nothing’s funny? I’m supposed to pretend for YOU?
Thank you so much for this video!!! It was spot on for me and gave me some great insight into how to more clearly recognize when I'm switching functions & negative habits/tendencies. I loved the teddy bear within the dragon metaphor!!! 🤣
"Works at Space X" isn't a job. They have housekeeping, quality analysts, mechanics, finance analysts, assistants, project managers, middle management, aerospace engineers, etc. I am going to assume whoever put that works in a job they aren't proud of, at Space X.
I have to say that this vid is making me understand certain behaviors that I have noticed before and has left me baffled. I have been considering that maybe I actually am just a mistyped ENTJ because I actually like including people in my plans among other ‘outgoing’ behavior - that it’s imperative that they grow along with me - and after it was explained in the vid that it’s just a manifestation of a healthy Te, I am relieved. My Te is actually cruising on the side of healthy and I like the thought.
I very much enjoyed watching this video :) You remind me of me when I was younger. My husband is also my best friend, and everyone else is an acquaintance--not many others truly know who I am. I keep working on that though. It's difficult though, but never say never :) We have soooo much in common. It's uncanny! LOL
Once upon a time, I've spent my past few adult years as a healthy INTJ within the relationship fields. But very recently, I guess I have been feeling like a victim as you guys brought up with the Cruella example. It has been a struggle letting my Fi be vulnerable with the people I care about because those close to me caused me to become closed off again . . . I guess it's time for me to branch out to have a few more new friends.
This helped me learn a bit about my own growth as an INFJ, I can pull out insights for developing Se and also Fe. Plus I think y'all's relationship is so cute. I really like INTJs and ISFPs, especially healthy ones which I think y'all are exemplifying here. I love the self-awareness that the INTJ shows with her advice, and I love the light-hearted yet direct advice of the ISFP. I could tell the (joking) criticisms at the end really hit home though - ouch, my Fe could like feel her pain. If it helps at all, I'm 100% positive he didn't mean it!
when you guys started talking about the intj villains i remembered how robert pattinson's batman definitely reminded me of an intj and that's an interesting way to see how an intj "hero" would be like. what do yall think?
My wife really dislikes the aloof mode, I’m listening but thinking Often without response because I’m thinking about how to respond. Being immersed in an emotion usually takes me an entire day, a sleep, then the switch I’ve wasted this valuable time then I turn emotions off. Now I know why I never liked talking on the phone but rather being in person. I’ve personified myself as a wolf, dragon is a good way to put it
Thank you! This was helpful! I especially appreciate the idea of the 3 year plan. And hearing about your experiences and interests as a child, helped me to see myself.
This was so good! I have so much to say 😅 First off, I love your eyebrows! I like being roasted as well. I find a lot of people can't take a joke and it appears to me as weakness. Goals... Yes! I don't quite agree about always being happy in your present instead of what could be in the future. I made plans and God brought them to fruition. It hasn't been all peaches and cream but I am no longer depressed and unfulfilled. We need to fulfill our destiny! I typically only take a shower or two a week also 😂 I used to take one sometimes twice a day as a teen. I think I was living in ESFP mode in those days. I wasn't true to myself.
33 year old Intj here, and I just recently started catching my rude and condescending behaviors. When I do I replay the situation in my head immediately and apologize. I apologize for the way I handled the situation, but clearly state that I stand by my point. This is because I only react emotionally when I’ve thoroughly studied the topic, cited multiple facts, and sources.
I'm not an INTJ but something I've always wished for my INTJ bestie to do was just listen to what people would tell her about herself. It always bothered me how she wouldn't consider what I would tell her for her own sake. And I've noticed that she's like that with everybody except for people who aren't actually that close to her? Like I couldn't understand why she wouldn't listen to the people who genuinely care for her and want her best but others. And I'm only mentioning this because I've seen other INTJs who have mentioned that they wished they had listened to people's advice earlier on and whenever I heard that I was like: !!!!!!
Someone who has no history with her seems like they offer an unbiased objective viewpoint. Whereas the opinion of someone close might be rejected because, "Of course you'd say that, you care about me." To be clear, this is not entirely correct. While the outsider might not be biased, they are also lacking potentially crucial context that the close friend has. It's also very hurtful to just outright dismiss the opinions of the very people who care the most.
In my experience as an INTJ, it is SOOO much harder to take criticism from those closest to me because there is an emotional investment in them that you don't have with stangers. With a stranger's criticism, it is usually surface-level stuff that I'm already self-aware of, so it's just confirmation that I'm on the right track working to improve those things. No big deal. With those closest to me, they know me well enough to point out the aspects of myself that I reject and/or am ashamed of and not ready to confront. And because I take things so personally (even though I don't outwardly show it), it feels like a gut punch coming from people I'm close to, and often I feel somewhat judged by them even though I know it is said out of love. I would say that your friend may seem like they aren't listening, but it wouldn't surprise me if in their alone time they spend A TON of time over-analyzing it. We just need a place out of sight of others to process our vulnerabilities. Hope this helps!
As an INTJ I've had the complete opposite experience. I have destroyed my life through lacking confidence in my own ideas, doubting myself and listening to everyone else's advice. And literally everyone wanted to give me advice, and ALL of their advice was ALWAYS wrong as I found out 100 times over, and at a very high cost. As soon as I ignored everyone else and started believing in myself, and listening to myself... literally EVERYTHING in my life changed for the better. Your friend sounds like a confident INTJ who KNOWS what is best for him/herself and who has figured out early on that nobody is even nearly as qualified as he/she is to solve problems. YOU should take what your friend is telling you seriously, because more than likely he/she sees FAR more than you do, and is preventing and managing problems that you don't even know exist. Infact, I think YOU should try asking him/her for advice about your own life. And FYI, I ONLY took advice from those closest to me.
insightful video guys!! Y’all nailed it!! Just a sensory thing and from her INTJ nonetheless pick a different background or different shirts for contrast lol
Hey Alexis, you said to strengthen my Te I have to just do the things I planned Do you have any tips how I can manage a lot of interests? For example I want to improve my skills in multiple languages, want to get better in drawing, want to write and publish a book and improve my programming skills. I'm not able to manage improving all of them, because I don't have enough time and energy. But I also can't decide which skills to prioritise.
I like to keep my computer monitor set to be a little darker and lower contrast than they are at default. Makes doing work and playing games on my computer easier on my eyes. In this video, my monitor settings make it look like your head, hair and hands are floating since you guys are wearing black shirts with a black background. :) I have very strongly held beliefs and experience very strong emotions, but I have a difficult time expressing how I feel to other people. It helps to be able to express it in writing with emails, social media posts etc. When I have to try to express how I feel out loud, it is very difficult and uncomfortable to the point that I avoid having to do so. I don't mind writing to people because I can think through what I want to say at my own pace and edit what I'm writing before the other person sees it. I know that I am incredibly annoying to other people, especially ones who don't know me well enough or care enough about me to put up with my weird quirks. I'm pretty hard on myself for that matter. I could roast myself. I'm healthier emotionally and mentally than I used to be, but I still have many times when I'm too tired, distracted, angry, upset, focused on something important to me etc. that all that progress falls away and I'm as 'bad' as I've ever been. I'm both an INTJ and autistic, so when I'm having a bad day, it's really bad. These annoyances you've come up with all fit with me very well when I'm having a bad time. Being an INTJ and neurodivergent puts me in these kinds of loops a lot unless someone who cares about me helps me get out of it for a while. Yes! Good example. ESFP's drive me nuts. They are so totally opposite of me that I have a hard time dealing with them. I dated a girl who I think of an ESFP once. It didn't go well. We had nothing in common. Enneagram makes a lot of sense to me. I really like how it describes the types. I especially like the wing concept. It makes Enneagram a bit more flexible than MBTI. I like both, but it seems like Type 5 Wing 4 describes me a little better than INTJ. A dragon with a teddy bear inside. That's good! I can see myself as being like a dragon at times. Kind of like Draco in the movie 'Dragonheart' I can be fierce, defensive and a bit judgmental at times, but I do have a kind, helpful heart deep, deep down in there somewhere. Most of the time, the dragon is asleep atop his hoard of knowledge, ideas, beliefs, experience, etc. but if someone pokes him too much or too many times with insisting on starting an argument with him over the value of anything in his hoard, he wakes up and roars. If the person isn't scared off by the roar, the dragon swipes at him with his tail of wit. If that doesn't work, then things get really bad and all the negative feelings that the dragon has kept bubbling up inside of him come bursting out in a blast that burns the person who didn't back off soon enough. You know the story 'The Wizard of Oz'? I think INTJ's are like the Tin Woodsman. We are smart, strong and stoic, but we are also stiff and outwardly heartless at our worst. It takes someone making an effort to befriend us to 'oil us up' in a way and get us to loosen up a bit like how Dorothy oils the Tin Woodsman both literally and figuratively along their journey. The Tin Woodsman thinks that what he needs from the Wizard is a heart, but what he finds out in the end is that he had one all the while, he just didn't know how to listen to it. His adventures with Dorothy gradually teach him that to the point that by the time they get to the Emerald City, all the Wizard has to do is finish the job by telling him the words he needs to hear and by giving him a symbolic silk heart full of sawdust. It's interesting how Alexis says that hurtfully negative comments in person are easier to take than ones that are written. I'm the other way around for some reason. I can shrug off such comments easier in writing or online than I can in person. It's like the paper or the computer are like shields between me and the other person. I don't have to see or hear them, so it is easier for me to dismiss them, especially if it is on a social media platform or forum where I can temporarily or permanently block them if they really get my goat. Hitting that 'block' button is almost as satisfying as slamming the receiver down on a phone used to be back before phones became more like calculators than real telephones. I know what you mean. I have never had more than one close friend, when I've had friends living near me at all. Everyone else other than my close family either ignored me or treated me badly. It would take a long time for me to figure out that this one person actually liked me and wasn't trying to hurt me, so I'd finally let him in. Then, it seemed like in a matter of five years or less, his family would move away and I'd never hear from him again. I kinda developed a complex about that eventually, so now it's even harder to get to know me than ever. These days, all of the people I talk to are online acquaintances. The only people I talk to outside of my close family are my wife's friends. My wife is the only person in the last 20 years who has managed to become my best friend. I didn't mean to make her work so hard to get through the dragon scales, but that's what happened. I'm glad she is so persistent. She keeps me oiled pretty well. I think she's an INFP or 2 Wing 1. Those descriptions fit her pretty well. She's a special education teacher who currently works with autistic kids, so no one understands me better than she does, not even my family. Yes, sensory awareness has always been a problem for me when I am focusing on whatever I'm obsessed with at the time. When I take a break from that obsession, I become hyper observant and see and hear everything around me, sometimes even more so than others do. If I've been into a really deep dive into what I'm thinking about or working on, when I come out of that it's like I'm seeing a place, even my own home, for the first time and I spot problems that the rest of my family has become used to it and doesn't even notice it anymore. It can be a problem to get lost in daydreaming or working, then coming back to the 'real world' and seeing everything; but it can also be a benefit when I'm trying to do a consultant job and I see things at the client's property that they've never noticed. Or to pick up something that isn't working and fix it because I can figure out what's wrong with it in a way that no one else around me can. These tips are very good. Thanks! Try to be nicer to my minions. Got it. :) I'm only kind of kidding. When I stop and examine myself, it is all too easy for me to treat people like minions and only interact with them when I need them to do something for me or when I need something from them. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm really not a very good friend unless I make a conscious effort to try to act like a good friend. It really is hard for INTJs, especially neurodivergent ones like me, to act like a 'normal' human. It takes us a lot of effort. It's not something that comes naturally to us. Just like no one naturally does wall squats for no reason, only when they make themselves do them in order to try to get stronger. People like us have to make ourselves interact with people socially to try to get better at it.
So funny, my we have the same name and results. I've never looked into my MBs before recently. It's so cool to get to understand why I have certain tendencies and traits. Funny enough, my twin sister is the exact opposite of me. Thank you for doing so much research and digging on an intj, it's so helpful for me to learn.
I hated the frequency of the ads, almost quit watching as a result, but stuck it out and learned some things i can utilize...I'm a planner, stuck in that loop, lol.
*Watching anime in high school where the evil king turns around with a death glare and crack of thunder* Friend: "Hey just like you do all the time!" Me: "What??" *At field exercise, officer school in the army* Lieteunant: "Well done sergeant, but maybe activate your facial muscles and open your eyes more than a slit when giving orders, the soldiers are starting to think you are some kind of zombie" Me: "What??" *Teaching martial martial arts class* Me: "I know you have been using introverted thinking successfully for 50 years in karate, but it is your inferior function and we are going to a higher level now so just turn that brain off and do as I say!" *Student does the combination flawlessly then just stares blankly at me* Me: "What??" *My brother`s wife arrives 37 minutes late to the barberque* Brother: "Hey guess what, bro predicted to the minute when you would get here" Bro`s wife: "How`d you do that?" Me: "I estimated three delays, based on season and weather and your type of car (verified since you called 3 times), and a delay being 20 minutes with a diminishing returns of 50%, plus a baseline of 2 minutes." *All present stare at me* Me: "What??"
can't relate on the shower thing. At all. I wear what I want and act how I want for authenticity. I can't do online negative comments either. In person no problem.
English is not my first language, but i'm gonna try.. First of all, thank you very much for your videos... I found about mbti "world" a few days ago and i started to dig more and more 'cause when i did The test and came out that i was an INTJ it was a huge mind blowing.. So your first vídeo, that i saw, was The INTJ and at The beggining i got a little confuse if i was really an INTJ.. So i dig a little more about The other personalities and i watch more of your videos and now i'm surr that i am an INTJ... The thing is, i was analysing my past and somethings made, ok more like someones and force hehe, me to develop my Fi and Se a little bit, but check-in your vídeo i know that its not well developed..
15:16 See I'm an ENTJ but I HATE hearing these sorts of value judgements. The idea that "valuing yourself" means caring about your appearance is just accepted as a fact and that's such bs. To Alexis' point, it's a commonly assumed belief because of our society's majority composition of sensors but PLEASE stop saying that like it's objectively true - it's not. As an intuitive when I meet sensors who can't articulate what they believe in or why, what their purpose is and why, I perceive that they don't value themselves - regardless of whether or not they have a wrinkle-free shirt or pristine car.
What's the difference between INTJ 8w7 and ENTJ? I'm kinda confused typing myself and it's hard enough already as it is distinguishing between INTJ vs ENTJ, my enneagram only makes it worse as INTJ 8w7 is extremely rare? How do I make the difference between INTJ 8w7 and ENTJ 8w7? I'm an ambivert so really on 50 50 when it comes to E versus I I have no doubt for other letters, it's only E versus I bugging me
Look to the last function slot. - If your Se is in the 4th function slot you will have the greatest trouble with the sensory "tidal wave" and either prepare for it like a neurotic Si or completely ignore the sensory and then have a freakout/meltdown from the overwhelming sensory and you are an INTJ. - If your Fi is in the 4th slot you will have the greatest trouble understanding/reaching/communicating with your own emotions and then have a tidal wave of emotional lash out against others using the disguise of Te "logic".
@@jessicavallee3831 Fi is most likely as I'm really bad when it comes to expressing my own emotions and I tend to avoid talking about emotions in general, plus my friend today literally made me uncomfortable because she was talking how I never talk about my emotions, so I'd say Fi most likely 4th slot
INTJ 8w7 is already speculated to be an impossible combo due to how action oriented and physically present 8's are which is contradicting with inferior Se. I'd reccomend looking at counter phobic enneagram 6.
@@hatterene39347 I looked up enneagram 6, and I still think 8 fits me much better as I am very confrontal, not that tolerant and stand up for what I believe is right, and I'm not expressive to fears or weaknesses, instead, I either don't talk about it or, more often, overcome fears Sixes sound like they'd rather run away from fears instead of confronting them. Of course this doesn't mean I act immortal, I know my limits, I'm just naturally a risk taker and was never afraid of criticism or faliure I keep getting consistent results on enneagram tests and I resonate with a lot in description, I'm pretty confident of being 8w7, however the reason I doubt ENTJ, I used to be really introverted in elementary school, very often lost in my head with my own thoughts, this is not ENTJ, this is INTJ, as it shows Ni dominance, not Te, of course in high school I've completely overcome the social anxiety and turned 180 from introverted side, now I literally seek social interactions instead of running away from them. To my knowledge, this suggests that I had developed Ni first and then in high school Te, suggesting Ni-Te order, and I think this is what makes INTJ 8w7 possible
Okay so in a nutshell: INTJ functions NiTeFiSe Ni - future oriented, original, responsible for creating plans and goals for the future Te - your hidden strength, responsible for getting down to work and getting stuff done, oriented around structuring and organizing Fi - your hidden weakness, makes you emotional and take things personally, you can be sensitive sometimes to your own feelings Se - also your inferior function makes you aware of your surroundings and is all about what's happening at the moment, since it's inferior and undeveloped you'll probably be stuck in your head most of the time and not pay much attention to it anyway
On the plus side, my INTJ sister is generally pleasant in her demeanour and always packs plenty of extra supplies for any kind of get-together. She's really organized and a good planner. But, sorry, I'm pulling from a few real-life quotes that annoyed me, which of course I could be misinterpreting. She gives off a judg-y vibe: "And HOW old is he now?" She was asking me a lot of questions about why one of my legally adult kids hasn't found a great job yet. Truncated, sweeping justification as a (possible) defensive stance: "The reason I don't call you is that you work on the weekends." I found this a little off-putting (cold) and narrow-minded, since I get at least 10 weekends off a year (have explained this before) and only work until 1 p.m., so I can do stuff in the afternoon and early evening, but oh well. I stopped calling her after she said it twice, unprompted, using the exact same wording, within a couple of months. I guess she really doesn't want to call! Or, maybe she felt guilty for not calling that much and wanted to explain things with as few words as possible to let herself off the hook. All I said was, "well my friends and I get together on the weekends when I do have to work. As long as we call it an early night, around 8 p.m. She said nothing in return. It was as if her mind went "click." End of. Overly cautious. She needs scientific peer-reviewed studies before trying anything a little off the beaten track. She was still taking only 500 IU of Vit D when everyone was ramping it to 1,000 IU in northern climates. But she dug in - nope, no evidence: "But there could be serious side effects!" This, from a woman who took a "trusted" non-prescription pain relief pill for a year, which taxes the liver, and ended up with a serious digestive problem. Avoidance of other people's pain - when I tried to clearly explain why I was avoiding a toxic family member and she wanted me to talk to her: "Well that's your narrative." Overly responsible. I also saw this as narrow, all-or-nothing thinking: "Poor people shouldn't be allowed to have children." Hope this doesn't upset anyone. She's only one person and she's very sensitive and tries to do the right thing.
that Ti dude explaining Fi is really bad. healthy Fi is not about avoiding "bad" emotions but about actually feeling them through. then coming in with Te and looking for reasons and thought patterns and overcoming the emotions. samsle for arguments: we can be very persuasive when we allow a certain degree of vulnerability. we can't suppress Fi, we have to integrate it into our Te arguments.
As an intj I once asked myself how to develop my Fe, the answer obviously is to go be around people. Immediately I thought "no is there a book I can read instead"
Lol such a natural tendency
go playing chess in public
as an INTJ i like to chalange everyone's brain, so i play a chess with everyone 😅
there is: how to make friends and influence people by dale carnegie !
well is there?🤣
i'm a victim of endless planning w/o doing
Then stop planning or start doing
@@MAGNETO-i1i planning out how to do that 😂
As an INFJ, tell me about it.. 😐😂
The lack of Se and not taking care of your body is so true I remember one person saying what's the point of making all these future long term plans if you wont live to make them true. It hit hard.
Fellow INTJ here, and I don't usually have problems getting along with other INTJs. It's great to feel understood by someone for a change lol.
As an INFP, I have a huge soft spot for tertiary Fi because it reminds be of how I felt as a teen/preteen and I'm really sympathetic when an INTJ feels too vulnerable or is struggling to juggle Fi hurt. I just wanna put a blanket around them and tell them feelings are okay.
On the other hand, if they vent their Fi through Te attacks, it's incredibly intimidating and suddenly has me questioning my entire identity!
25:07 I have to agree with Alexis here. If I’m sad, it usually helps to put on sad music and just feel those feelings really strongly and kind of let it all out. And then I always start shifting to happier music gradually without really even realizing it. And it’s the same if I’m really angry or annoyed for example after work. I’ll start listening to heavy metal and by the time I get home the music and my mood have changed to something more cheerful. 😄 But if I start with happy music, I’ll get even more annoyed.
I thought I was the only intj that listens to sad music. I'm glad.
I like it! As long as it leads somewhere haha
I thought I was the only one that does this 😂🙈. Drown myself in more sorrow 😅.
Same. I listen to music that best resonates with the way i feel, then gradually move out of it into a much different genre than when i began.
If I start with happy, I start thinking of even sadder things. 😂 I need to allow myself to fully feel what just happened before shifting gears.
37:39 "One thing for INTJs I think is actually really good is I would recommend being on camera even if you didn't post it. I have learned _SO MUCH_ watching myself."
That's great advice; I will keep that in mind. It reminds me also of language learning, where my mind really thinks that I am nailing a certain accent or dialect, but when I listen back to a recording of it, in actual practice I am _totally not really though._ That was mind expanding in a grounding and humbling way.
19:49 "I like to describe INTJs, and maybe you'll disagree, as a dragon with a teddybear inside. A little stuffed animal, with a dragon exterior."
That's trippy. For years my self-talk has been "I am the dragon, and I am the lamb," and when I think of 'the lamb', I have this mental image of a plushie I saw in the 2000s, of a stuffed lamb wearing wolf's clothing.
That's great!
'choosing' to change my emotional state is one of the most valuable skills I have developed, but there is a catch: it is another layer of armor to hide behind when you want to. But at least this armor isn't just protecting you, its actively healing you.
I'm an INTJ woman and I started reading relationship books in middle school also. I've been married for over 20 years so I guess it worked.
I thought the same thing as well may be the things we planned and studied don’t happen right away, or tmr but with action and reflection, we recall all of these things we accumulated throughout the years that lead up to the present moment being a healthy moment!! But I guess if you did not let anyone in, but knew all the books you could use that as only seeing people through high standards, because they don’t fit what you know, right now in college I am struggling with that as well. Maybe I’m not struggling maybe I’m just in my head too much.
@@abrahamjoseph1673 It is not easy for young people in college to date in these times. I have two kids in college and they are struggling to find quality and like-minded relationships. Just keep going and working to be your best.
This was incredibly helpful! I feel seen as a fellow INTJ female enneagram 5.
Getting 3 best friends would kill me 😅. Trust me, I tried it. Maybe if they are other low maintenance introverts like me than I can survive. But it felt like they were draining the life out of me and I started to resent them for taking my me time away. But I have since developed better boundaries and learned to be more vocal about needs for space. I feel like people still take that need personally though.
Same here. E's are socially demanding, and want to share everything. They lack independence. I's are always busy when I'm not, so...
Watching this as a ISTP who was mistyped as a INTJ for quite a while because my father is a INTJ and I picked up on some of his values growing up. Good video!
Age 60 and still told to smile. Why? To make YOU feel better? What if I’m deep in thought, not super happy or nothing’s funny? I’m supposed to pretend for YOU?
As an INFJ, the body language part is SOOOO relatable. I recently realized I'm not at all as bubbly on the outside as I am on the outside.
12:24 "Every function is at it's healthiest at it's most balanced point." 🤯👏
Thank you so much for this video!!! It was spot on for me and gave me some great insight into how to more clearly recognize when I'm switching functions & negative habits/tendencies. I loved the teddy bear within the dragon metaphor!!! 🤣
"Works at Space X" isn't a job. They have housekeeping, quality analysts, mechanics, finance analysts, assistants, project managers, middle management, aerospace engineers, etc. I am going to assume whoever put that works in a job they aren't proud of, at Space X.
I have to say that this vid is making me understand certain behaviors that I have noticed before and has left me baffled. I have been considering that maybe I actually am just a mistyped ENTJ because I actually like including people in my plans among other ‘outgoing’ behavior - that it’s imperative that they grow along with me - and after it was explained in the vid that it’s just a manifestation of a healthy Te, I am relieved. My Te is actually cruising on the side of healthy and I like the thought.
Intj here: I'm already exhausted just thinking about connecting with more ppl. Also, everything was spot on.
I very much enjoyed watching this video :) You remind me of me when I was younger. My husband is also my best friend, and everyone else is an acquaintance--not many others truly know who I am. I keep working on that though. It's difficult though, but never say never :)
We have soooo much in common. It's uncanny! LOL
Great mindset!
Once upon a time, I've spent my past few adult years as a healthy INTJ within the relationship fields. But very recently, I guess I have been feeling like a victim as you guys brought up with the Cruella example. It has been a struggle letting my Fi be vulnerable with the people I care about because those close to me caused me to become closed off again . . . I guess it's time for me to branch out to have a few more new friends.
This helped me learn a bit about my own growth as an INFJ, I can pull out insights for developing Se and also Fe. Plus I think y'all's relationship is so cute. I really like INTJs and ISFPs, especially healthy ones which I think y'all are exemplifying here. I love the self-awareness that the INTJ shows with her advice, and I love the light-hearted yet direct advice of the ISFP. I could tell the (joking) criticisms at the end really hit home though - ouch, my Fe could like feel her pain. If it helps at all, I'm 100% positive he didn't mean it!
when you guys started talking about the intj villains i remembered how robert pattinson's batman definitely reminded me of an intj and that's an interesting way to see how an intj "hero" would be like. what do yall think?
I lovr that you're both wearing black, it looks more professional
Awesome video. I learnt a lot.
3 year time frame adds an interesting perspective to things.
You know the INTJ personality very well.
as a infj, i feel like i really understand intjs
Looks like you were finally able to decided what type you were. :)
My wife really dislikes the aloof mode, I’m listening but thinking Often without response because I’m thinking about how to respond. Being immersed in an emotion usually takes me an entire day, a sleep, then the switch I’ve wasted this valuable time then I turn emotions off. Now I know why I never liked talking on the phone but rather being in person. I’ve personified myself as a wolf, dragon is a good way to put it
Thank you! This was helpful! I especially appreciate the idea of the 3 year plan.
And hearing about your experiences and interests as a child, helped me to see myself.
This was so good! I have so much to say 😅
First off, I love your eyebrows!
I like being roasted as well. I find a lot of people can't take a joke and it appears to me as weakness.
Goals... Yes! I don't quite agree about always being happy in your present instead of what could be in the future.
I made plans and God brought them to fruition. It hasn't been all peaches and cream but I am no longer depressed and unfulfilled.
We need to fulfill our destiny!
I typically only take a shower or two a week also 😂
I used to take one sometimes twice a day as a teen. I think I was living in ESFP mode in those days. I wasn't true to myself.
Very interesting, thank you so much! ⭐ /INTJ
Suggestion: talk about all 8 functions, particularly the problems with having Fe in slot 7 and Si in slot 8.
33 year old Intj here, and I just recently started catching my rude and condescending behaviors. When I do I replay the situation in my head immediately and apologize. I apologize for the way I handled the situation, but clearly state that I stand by my point. This is because I only react emotionally when I’ve thoroughly studied the topic, cited multiple facts, and sources.
I took a mbti test and got istj
But this is much more me , so I think I'm intj
Thank you for the video
I'm not an INTJ but something I've always wished for my INTJ bestie to do was just listen to what people would tell her about herself. It always bothered me how she wouldn't consider what I would tell her for her own sake. And I've noticed that she's like that with everybody except for people who aren't actually that close to her? Like I couldn't understand why she wouldn't listen to the people who genuinely care for her and want her best but others. And I'm only mentioning this because I've seen other INTJs who have mentioned that they wished they had listened to people's advice earlier on and whenever I heard that I was like: !!!!!!
Someone who has no history with her seems like they offer an unbiased objective viewpoint. Whereas the opinion of someone close might be rejected because, "Of course you'd say that, you care about me."
To be clear, this is not entirely correct. While the outsider might not be biased, they are also lacking potentially crucial context that the close friend has. It's also very hurtful to just outright dismiss the opinions of the very people who care the most.
In my experience as an INTJ, it is SOOO much harder to take criticism from those closest to me because there is an emotional investment in them that you don't have with stangers. With a stranger's criticism, it is usually surface-level stuff that I'm already self-aware of, so it's just confirmation that I'm on the right track working to improve those things. No big deal. With those closest to me, they know me well enough to point out the aspects of myself that I reject and/or am ashamed of and not ready to confront. And because I take things so personally (even though I don't outwardly show it), it feels like a gut punch coming from people I'm close to, and often I feel somewhat judged by them even though I know it is said out of love. I would say that your friend may seem like they aren't listening, but it wouldn't surprise me if in their alone time they spend A TON of time over-analyzing it. We just need a place out of sight of others to process our vulnerabilities. Hope this helps!
Yes
As an INTJ I've had the complete opposite experience. I have destroyed my life through lacking confidence in my own ideas, doubting myself and listening to everyone else's advice. And literally everyone wanted to give me advice, and ALL of their advice was ALWAYS wrong as I found out 100 times over, and at a very high cost. As soon as I ignored everyone else and started believing in myself, and listening to myself... literally EVERYTHING in my life changed for the better. Your friend sounds like a confident INTJ who KNOWS what is best for him/herself and who has figured out early on that nobody is even nearly as qualified as he/she is to solve problems. YOU should take what your friend is telling you seriously, because more than likely he/she sees FAR more than you do, and is preventing and managing problems that you don't even know exist. Infact, I think YOU should try asking him/her for advice about your own life.
And FYI, I ONLY took advice from those closest to me.
Easy, she believes that you're wrong.
It’s actually been proven that listening to sad music when you’re sad helps
insightful video guys!! Y’all nailed it!! Just a sensory thing and from her INTJ nonetheless pick a different background or different shirts for contrast lol
Hey Alexis, you said to strengthen my Te I have to just do the things I planned
Do you have any tips how I can manage a lot of interests?
For example I want to improve my skills in multiple languages, want to get better in drawing, want to write and publish a book and improve my programming skills.
I'm not able to manage improving all of them, because I don't have enough time and energy. But I also can't decide which skills to prioritise.
I like to keep my computer monitor set to be a little darker and lower contrast than they are at default. Makes doing work and playing games on my computer easier on my eyes. In this video, my monitor settings make it look like your head, hair and hands are floating since you guys are wearing black shirts with a black background. :)
I have very strongly held beliefs and experience very strong emotions, but I have a difficult time expressing how I feel to other people. It helps to be able to express it in writing with emails, social media posts etc. When I have to try to express how I feel out loud, it is very difficult and uncomfortable to the point that I avoid having to do so. I don't mind writing to people because I can think through what I want to say at my own pace and edit what I'm writing before the other person sees it.
I know that I am incredibly annoying to other people, especially ones who don't know me well enough or care enough about me to put up with my weird quirks. I'm pretty hard on myself for that matter. I could roast myself.
I'm healthier emotionally and mentally than I used to be, but I still have many times when I'm too tired, distracted, angry, upset, focused on something important to me etc. that all that progress falls away and I'm as 'bad' as I've ever been. I'm both an INTJ and autistic, so when I'm having a bad day, it's really bad.
These annoyances you've come up with all fit with me very well when I'm having a bad time. Being an INTJ and neurodivergent puts me in these kinds of loops a lot unless someone who cares about me helps me get out of it for a while.
Yes! Good example. ESFP's drive me nuts. They are so totally opposite of me that I have a hard time dealing with them. I dated a girl who I think of an ESFP once. It didn't go well. We had nothing in common.
Enneagram makes a lot of sense to me. I really like how it describes the types. I especially like the wing concept. It makes Enneagram a bit more flexible than MBTI. I like both, but it seems like Type 5 Wing 4 describes me a little better than INTJ.
A dragon with a teddy bear inside. That's good! I can see myself as being like a dragon at times. Kind of like Draco in the movie 'Dragonheart' I can be fierce, defensive and a bit judgmental at times, but I do have a kind, helpful heart deep, deep down in there somewhere. Most of the time, the dragon is asleep atop his hoard of knowledge, ideas, beliefs, experience, etc. but if someone pokes him too much or too many times with insisting on starting an argument with him over the value of anything in his hoard, he wakes up and roars. If the person isn't scared off by the roar, the dragon swipes at him with his tail of wit. If that doesn't work, then things get really bad and all the negative feelings that the dragon has kept bubbling up inside of him come bursting out in a blast that burns the person who didn't back off soon enough.
You know the story 'The Wizard of Oz'? I think INTJ's are like the Tin Woodsman. We are smart, strong and stoic, but we are also stiff and outwardly heartless at our worst. It takes someone making an effort to befriend us to 'oil us up' in a way and get us to loosen up a bit like how Dorothy oils the Tin Woodsman both literally and figuratively along their journey. The Tin Woodsman thinks that what he needs from the Wizard is a heart, but what he finds out in the end is that he had one all the while, he just didn't know how to listen to it. His adventures with Dorothy gradually teach him that to the point that by the time they get to the Emerald City, all the Wizard has to do is finish the job by telling him the words he needs to hear and by giving him a symbolic silk heart full of sawdust.
It's interesting how Alexis says that hurtfully negative comments in person are easier to take than ones that are written. I'm the other way around for some reason. I can shrug off such comments easier in writing or online than I can in person. It's like the paper or the computer are like shields between me and the other person. I don't have to see or hear them, so it is easier for me to dismiss them, especially if it is on a social media platform or forum where I can temporarily or permanently block them if they really get my goat. Hitting that 'block' button is almost as satisfying as slamming the receiver down on a phone used to be back before phones became more like calculators than real telephones.
I know what you mean. I have never had more than one close friend, when I've had friends living near me at all. Everyone else other than my close family either ignored me or treated me badly. It would take a long time for me to figure out that this one person actually liked me and wasn't trying to hurt me, so I'd finally let him in. Then, it seemed like in a matter of five years or less, his family would move away and I'd never hear from him again. I kinda developed a complex about that eventually, so now it's even harder to get to know me than ever. These days, all of the people I talk to are online acquaintances. The only people I talk to outside of my close family are my wife's friends.
My wife is the only person in the last 20 years who has managed to become my best friend. I didn't mean to make her work so hard to get through the dragon scales, but that's what happened. I'm glad she is so persistent. She keeps me oiled pretty well. I think she's an INFP or 2 Wing 1. Those descriptions fit her pretty well. She's a special education teacher who currently works with autistic kids, so no one understands me better than she does, not even my family.
Yes, sensory awareness has always been a problem for me when I am focusing on whatever I'm obsessed with at the time. When I take a break from that obsession, I become hyper observant and see and hear everything around me, sometimes even more so than others do. If I've been into a really deep dive into what I'm thinking about or working on, when I come out of that it's like I'm seeing a place, even my own home, for the first time and I spot problems that the rest of my family has become used to it and doesn't even notice it anymore.
It can be a problem to get lost in daydreaming or working, then coming back to the 'real world' and seeing everything; but it can also be a benefit when I'm trying to do a consultant job and I see things at the client's property that they've never noticed. Or to pick up something that isn't working and fix it because I can figure out what's wrong with it in a way that no one else around me can.
These tips are very good. Thanks! Try to be nicer to my minions. Got it. :) I'm only kind of kidding. When I stop and examine myself, it is all too easy for me to treat people like minions and only interact with them when I need them to do something for me or when I need something from them. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm really not a very good friend unless I make a conscious effort to try to act like a good friend. It really is hard for INTJs, especially neurodivergent ones like me, to act like a 'normal' human. It takes us a lot of effort. It's not something that comes naturally to us. Just like no one naturally does wall squats for no reason, only when they make themselves do them in order to try to get stronger. People like us have to make ourselves interact with people socially to try to get better at it.
So funny, my we have the same name and results. I've never looked into my MBs before recently. It's so cool to get to understand why I have certain tendencies and traits. Funny enough, my twin sister is the exact opposite of me. Thank you for doing so much research and digging on an intj, it's so helpful for me to learn.
I hated the frequency of the ads, almost quit watching as a result, but stuck it out and learned some things i can utilize...I'm a planner, stuck in that loop, lol.
Attractive confidence
*Watching anime in high school where the evil king turns around with a death glare and crack of thunder*
Friend: "Hey just like you do all the time!"
Me: "What??"
*At field exercise, officer school in the army*
Lieteunant: "Well done sergeant, but maybe activate your facial muscles and open your eyes more than a slit when giving orders, the soldiers are starting to think you are some kind of zombie"
Me: "What??"
*Teaching martial martial arts class*
Me: "I know you have been using introverted thinking successfully for 50 years in karate, but it is your inferior function and we are going to a higher level now so just turn that brain off and do as I say!"
*Student does the combination flawlessly then just stares blankly at me*
Me: "What??"
*My brother`s wife arrives 37 minutes late to the barberque*
Brother: "Hey guess what, bro predicted to the minute when you would get here"
Bro`s wife: "How`d you do that?"
Me: "I estimated three delays, based on season and weather and your type of car (verified since you called 3 times), and a delay being 20 minutes with a diminishing returns of 50%, plus a baseline of 2 minutes."
*All present stare at me*
Me: "What??"
It took me a long time to figure out I was an intj after learning about the functions extensively
Spot on.
can't relate on the shower thing. At all. I wear what I want and act how I want for authenticity. I can't do online negative comments either. In person no problem.
English is not my first language, but i'm gonna try.. First of all, thank you very much for your videos... I found about mbti "world" a few days ago and i started to dig more and more 'cause when i did The test and came out that i was an INTJ it was a huge mind blowing.. So your first vídeo, that i saw, was The INTJ and at The beggining i got a little confuse if i was really an INTJ.. So i dig a little more about The other personalities and i watch more of your videos and now i'm surr that i am an INTJ... The thing is, i was analysing my past and somethings made, ok more like someones and force hehe, me to develop my Fi and Se a little bit, but check-in your vídeo i know that its not well developed..
Weird, i find showering to be so relaxing. Washing my hair is another story i dont do it often enough because its a pain in butt
I think im an intj but I've been watching your videos be learn more about it
Edit: intj introverted intuition sounds a lot like extroverted intuition as infp
Excellent. Thanks for the advise.
15:16 See I'm an ENTJ but I HATE hearing these sorts of value judgements. The idea that "valuing yourself" means caring about your appearance is just accepted as a fact and that's such bs. To Alexis' point, it's a commonly assumed belief because of our society's majority composition of sensors but PLEASE stop saying that like it's objectively true - it's not. As an intuitive when I meet sensors who can't articulate what they believe in or why, what their purpose is and why, I perceive that they don't value themselves - regardless of whether or not they have a wrinkle-free shirt or pristine car.
As an INTJ, I wouldn't have showed up.
Good, the purpose is to annoy people that we don't want around like yourselves😅
Interesting read out about the jobs. What about the ISFPs and the INFPs that you know? What kind of jobs do they have?
What's the difference between INTJ 8w7 and ENTJ?
I'm kinda confused typing myself and it's hard enough already as it is distinguishing between INTJ vs ENTJ, my enneagram only makes it worse as INTJ 8w7 is extremely rare?
How do I make the difference between INTJ 8w7 and ENTJ 8w7? I'm an ambivert so really on 50 50 when it comes to E versus I
I have no doubt for other letters, it's only E versus I bugging me
Look to the last function slot.
- If your Se is in the 4th function slot you will have the greatest trouble with the sensory "tidal wave" and either prepare for it like a neurotic Si or completely ignore the sensory and then have a freakout/meltdown from the overwhelming sensory and you are an INTJ.
- If your Fi is in the 4th slot you will have the greatest trouble understanding/reaching/communicating with your own emotions and then have a tidal wave of emotional lash out against others using the disguise of Te "logic".
@@jessicavallee3831 Fi is most likely as I'm really bad when it comes to expressing my own emotions and I tend to avoid talking about emotions in general, plus my friend today literally made me uncomfortable because she was talking how I never talk about my emotions, so I'd say Fi most likely 4th slot
INTJ 8w7 is already speculated to be an impossible combo due to how action oriented and physically present 8's are which is contradicting with inferior Se. I'd reccomend looking at counter phobic enneagram 6.
@@hatterene39347 I looked up enneagram 6, and I still think 8 fits me much better as I am very confrontal, not that tolerant and stand up for what I believe is right, and I'm not expressive to fears or weaknesses, instead, I either don't talk about it or, more often, overcome fears
Sixes sound like they'd rather run away from fears instead of confronting them. Of course this doesn't mean I act immortal, I know my limits, I'm just naturally a risk taker and was never afraid of criticism or faliure
I keep getting consistent results on enneagram tests and I resonate with a lot in description, I'm pretty confident of being 8w7, however the reason I doubt ENTJ, I used to be really introverted in elementary school, very often lost in my head with my own thoughts, this is not ENTJ, this is INTJ, as it shows Ni dominance, not Te, of course in high school I've completely overcome the social anxiety and turned 180 from introverted side, now I literally seek social interactions instead of running away from them. To my knowledge, this suggests that I had developed Ni first and then in high school Te, suggesting Ni-Te order, and I think this is what makes INTJ 8w7 possible
You guys look like two floating heads lol. Should have picked different colored outfits that don't blend in with the background 😹. Great video tho 👍
Very fitting for the INTJ tho
That was our goal - in the background floating heads to represent INTJ haha
So interesting that your no sounds a lot like my me as infp
You seem to know alot of people. Which as a INFJ I find that strange. I know vary few people. I couldn't handle knowing that many people.
Should be called annoying things that women who cant get to the point say.
Omg your husband is gorgeous 😂
twas good twas good
He just called you smelly.
Any recommendations where I can find more information about each trait function? I'm new to this channel and trying to undertake my INTJ mind!
Okay so in a nutshell:
INTJ functions NiTeFiSe
Ni - future oriented, original, responsible for creating plans and goals for the future
Te - your hidden strength, responsible for getting down to work and getting stuff done, oriented around structuring and organizing
Fi - your hidden weakness, makes you emotional and take things personally, you can be sensitive sometimes to your own feelings
Se - also your inferior function makes you aware of your surroundings and is all about what's happening at the moment, since it's inferior and undeveloped you'll probably be stuck in your head most of the time and not pay much attention to it anyway
The best way to grow as INTJ is to step out of your introvert comfort zone and let Te take over
On the plus side, my INTJ sister is generally pleasant in her demeanour and always packs plenty of extra supplies for any kind of get-together. She's really organized and a good planner.
But, sorry, I'm pulling from a few real-life quotes that annoyed me, which of course I could be misinterpreting.
She gives off a judg-y vibe:
"And HOW old is he now?" She was asking me a lot of questions about why one of my legally adult kids hasn't found a great job yet.
Truncated, sweeping justification as a (possible) defensive stance:
"The reason I don't call you is that you work on the weekends."
I found this a little off-putting (cold) and narrow-minded, since I get at least 10 weekends off a year (have explained this before) and only work until 1 p.m., so I can do stuff in the afternoon and early evening, but oh well. I stopped calling her after she said it twice, unprompted, using the exact same wording, within a couple of months. I guess she really doesn't want to call! Or, maybe she felt guilty for not calling that much and wanted to explain things with as few words as possible to let herself off the hook. All I said was, "well my friends and I get together on the weekends when I do have to work. As long as we call it an early night, around 8 p.m. She said nothing in return. It was as if her mind went "click." End of.
Overly cautious. She needs scientific peer-reviewed studies before trying anything a little off the beaten track. She was still taking only 500 IU of Vit D when everyone was ramping it to 1,000 IU in northern climates. But she dug in - nope, no evidence:
"But there could be serious side effects!"
This, from a woman who took a "trusted" non-prescription pain relief pill for a year, which taxes the liver, and ended up with a serious digestive problem.
Avoidance of other people's pain - when I tried to clearly explain why I was avoiding a toxic family member and she wanted me to talk to her:
"Well that's your narrative."
Overly responsible. I also saw this as narrow, all-or-nothing thinking:
"Poor people shouldn't be allowed to have children."
Hope this doesn't upset anyone. She's only one person and she's very sensitive and tries to do the right thing.
that Ti dude explaining Fi is really bad. healthy Fi is not about avoiding "bad" emotions but about actually feeling them through. then coming in with Te and looking for reasons and thought patterns and overcoming the emotions. samsle for arguments: we can be very persuasive when we allow a certain degree of vulnerability. we can't suppress Fi, we have to integrate it into our Te arguments.
I left a message on your Instagram to do a tying session.
I love you
I thought you were an entp lol
To be honest, you are probably more ENTJ than INTJ
I can't get over the "not showering for a week" as a normal routine....
I'm open minded, but i really can't.