To overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others | Dean Furness
Vložit
- čas přidán 7. 06. 2020
- Visit TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, you can accomplish great things, says wheelchair athlete Dean Furness. He shares how, after losing the use of his legs in an accident, he discovered a powerful new mindset focused on redefining his "personal average" and getting better little by little.
The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), submit a Media Request here: media-requests.TED.com
Follow TED on Twitter: / tedtalks
Like TED on Facebook: / ted
Subscribe to our channel: / ted
That's my brother :)
He's amazing.
@@supriyap3466 true!
For real? Wowwww tell him that he is a very coool dude ☺☺☺
@@Mimi-ub1hi I definitely will!
😁 you must be rlly proud!
"Comparison is the thief of all joy"
Stealing is joy?! LoL ok
Preach
I personally think that this comparison trap is the key aspect of depression
can confirm this is VERY true
It really is.
Quiting social media helped me to stop comparing myself to others.
Now this comment should be higher up on the list. I also did this and though it hurt doing it it sure did help long term. It also allowed me to see who of my friends were not really friends
I've tried quiting social media but it's so tough ... Especially with the fact that am a teenager. It always gives me a reason to stay
Being an introvert i seldom meet up with my real life friends ... Much rather stay home and keep myself company... problem with that is that you tend to get lonely and then you seek out friendships/relationship or some sort of link to the outside world through social media. If i were to delete social media i would starve myself of any kind of social activity..and there lies my dilemma of whether or not i should delete Instagram.
@@naniv true you do make a valid point and I have no right to argue. But I will add to it. People do differ in their needs and as such this dilemma I was fortunate to not face but this was because I was more extrovert. However I do have some advice, consider it just a suggestion, nothing more. But different types of social media make opportunities for different strengths and types of friends. Tweets only show a persons surface or facade but on a platform such as discord you can become more close to an individual in conversation despite the distance irl being the same.
Me too!!!
“Don’t compare your beginnings to someone else’s middle.”
- Tim Hiller
hitler was called adolf not tim lmao
So, should we compare our beginnings to someone else's beginnings?
Thanks. It’s a common problem.
There's no beginning or mid or end for bodybuilding
He wasn't talking about anything like this.
"Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today"
👍❤
Yesterday I had beef so today I'm having Chicken
Brah.....
In sudden changes like the speaker's, you got to stop comparing yourself with your old self too. Just staying in the present moment and accepting the changes and moving on from there is the key.
I like that one. Rule 4 from Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self" - Ernest Hemingway
Jay Bee i think i needed to hear this. My parents constantly put pressure on me to do well in school and it’s overwhelming to constantly be entertaining the narrative that I needed to be better than everyone. Whenever i would get a test score back, they would ask me which scores everyone else had achieved, and I found myself doing the same. Constantly needing to know that I doing better than everyone in my classes, even feeling happy when someone else had a lower score than mine, which wasn’t healthy at all. If I had done badly, I would spend hour upon hour wondering what I had done wrong, contemplating just giving up all hope and thinking that this somehow reduced my worth. I still find myself measuring my worth on how well I’ve done academically and it takes a toll on your mental health. This is something I wish to change, but it’s hard when your parents and family members are constantly putting the pressure on you and reminding you of this unhealthy mindset.
twok threek Seems like it's time to (in a healthy and constructive way) put the pressure back on them, to try and think in a different way about self-improvement in a less competitive manner. Improving oneself doesn't have to be done with a zero-sum game mentality. People can improve side by side, helping each other. It will also make you feel less lonely and isolated. Good luck!!
I'm learning it hard way 💯
@@Mia-ei4mh Hang in there! Improving your life isn't a sprint, just like climbing a mountain isn't a sprint. It's slow and steady. One step at a time, and be kind to yourself if and when you take a misstep. Good luck!
@@jaybee2530 thank you for your kind words 🙏
Summary: focus on yourself instead of others. Focusing on yourself makes you improve yourself more than focusing on everyone else
I dont compare myself to others, yet still am unhappy and frustrated. I manage to fail even myself.
Its easier said than done..
@@lilypapillon4724 agree easier said than done
@@someonesomeone25 you don't believe in yourself that's a factor as well you need to fight for who you want not who you think you are
@@jess6119 I can't imagine any realistic future version of me that is all that motivating
I was just recovering from crying about not being as good as everybody else when this video popped up on my notifications. I guess I do have to stop comparing myself to others and lead my mind from doing it, not the other way around.
Make some mistakes and don't be afraid to make mistakes. Then think about them not to make them again. Only with this you will become the person you wanna be. If other people mock you for your mistake, don't be afraid, they did you a favour to become a better person.
If you really feel that way I’m sorry for you. I hope this video helped you because this explains very well that you should love yourself no matter what YOU think about yourself. This won’t happen in an instant but it takes time, take that time.
Yes. I was also thinking the same. Just think. You can't be currently as good as someone else because that person probably started doing something earlier and you started doing it now. But remember, late starts do not imply failure. Jeff Bezos had a book store at 32.
While I was at my crying episodes, I seriously made a whole paragraph of what I'm feeling or what I think is missing in me. But after this video, plus the kind comments from you guys, I am again reminded how I should embrace my individuality. How we ALL should embrace our individuality. Looking back to that night when I cried, I realized how much I was insulting myself by making comparisons to others. This video serves as a reminder to us that we should give ourselves a little extra credit and love. It did help me get back on my feet. I hope everyone won't experience being pulled down by their own selves. Wishing you all brighter days ahead :)))
@@marylynjustiniani964 thanks 😊
i really really needed this today i feel almost suicidal but this just changed my perspective
Thanks Jahnavi... Be well!
Cheer uuuuppp! 😊❤
Everything will get better, hang in there!!!
Hope you get better mate
Your life is worth living! You are enough! Stay strong my friend
“The quicker you move on to what’s next, the quicker you can start attacking things” gold
"Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself only."
---- Bill Gates
I don't know If he actually said this but I needed to hear it so I don't care
How could you quote that little devil
So everyone in this comment section has a cool quote?
I was about to ask that 😂
Domonkos Csontos I guess so.
Except me😅
I just read them
"So everyone in this comment section has a cool quote?" Domonkos Csontos
Who said that ? Source !
"Life is not a race, you're not living to defeat others, you're not here to be the best of all the people because there is no best in anything, You are here to be the best version of yourself, The only person you should try to defeat is who you were yesterday."
This guy is amazing. You can hear the sensitivity in his voice. Such a brave soul
Thanks!!!
"When I reduce the size of the talent pool to just one, I find that I am the best"
Nice quotation👌
In this social media age, where everyone posts only their best face, comparison is so easy. So turning it off, occasionally or permanently, and changing this habit like he explains, is key. Thanks for this inspiring talk.
Yes I just started doing this I started posting myself without filters or my natural face because I feel like it’s so unfair to not be authentic to your true self
it's hard, i hate social media !!
Is a tough habit to beat, caught myself even during this video.. But thanks to this I'll be more aware!
Good luck
Yep
Good luck, I feel you, it is a tough habit to break
“Success is not measured by what you do compared to what somebody else does. Success is measured by what you do compared to what you are capable of doing “ sharing some love with all of you guys
“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside you.”
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ya know you can always edit your comments and list the quotes beneath each other right?
@Eric Miret ok
That’s a lot of ‘lies’ 🤣
I dont like you so stop saying that
This actually made me cry . Because I always do this comparing myself to other girls . I was bullied my whole life growing up . Even by my own family and I suffer with very bad low self-esteem . I’m always saying why can’t I have a lot friends or why doesn’t anyone ever invite me anywhere. Or I wish I was pretty like her .. I’m always putting myself down and I think because I’m so use to it from everyone I know making me feel bad about myself. I don’t know how to get out of it. Every time I start to feel happy someone comes along and brings me back down. I am going to delete all social media apps because I feel a lot of that has to do with it. But I’m going to keep praying to god he gets me out of this emotional pain.
This is exactly what I've been feeling!! I had the same exact experiences!! And I also deactivated my Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook few days before because the comparison and anxiety got too much. I found myself comparing to even fictional characters and found myself comparing obsessively and looks for validation. I'm not this macho guy and more of an easygoing person and I think something is wrong with me and no one prefers me and thinks like that. I have been feeling depressed due to few reasons and I isolate myself. Due to this reasons and a few which includes where I'm now, I feel like I missed out on a lot of human experiences I'm supposed to have. I feel like I'm watching the world pass by as I stay stationary and I have nothing to look forward to. I compare myself to others timeline and exciting lives too. I feel like I'm stuck. Thank you for commenting this. I feel like I'm not alone. I want to say to you that your authentic self is just enough.
Tia... Find me on LinkedIn... Anytime... Happy to be a friend to reach out to... Just to talk. Thanks for the kind words about my talk and experience.. be well!
@@dilshaddavood786 same to you... Hope you are well!
I was feeling anxious and stressed out because l was comparing myself to someone else and this video really helped me. The only person you should compete with is yourself, and life is your own journey so embrace it.
This has been an eye opener for me. Although my disability isn’t of a physical type, for 22 years I have allowed myself to live my life comparing it with my past. I lost that person always hoping to get him back. This story helps me to realize that I can leave him behind and start a new life. Thank you for sharing your life story, and I hope the best for you in your future.
YO he ain’t lying. Once I stopped looking at other people and only looking at myself appreciating where I am was easier and progressing became a lot easier as well. With weight loss I has realized that I was closer to my goal than I thought
Looks like a really grounded guy ...he really found himself
Great talk👌
Shrinking the time for negative thoughts is what hits me in the core. We need to learn from our mistakes not linger on it. Salute to this great guy.
My depression and frustration was gone, its really true that comparison is the thief of all joy, when I was in my college years I always compare myself to others, till I was graduated, its impossible to focus on your goals if you have that kind of toxic mindset, not only you but from on your family environment, we know there are some people also that compare you to others and it can put yourself down if you listen to them. Advice also can led to comparing that is why I dont listen to any advise anymore except that person more successful than everyone.
'And I soon realized that I almost had to forget about the person I was before and the things I was able to do before. I almost had to pretend it was never me. And I'm afraid if I had not made that realization, my frustration would have turned into something much harder to recover from.' This hit me.
Thank you! Great Ted Talk! I'm 52 years in a wheelchair since incomplete SCI at the age of 14 - and still healthy and strong! Each day I embrace who I am. I have great adult children. And an awesome Todd!
You are awesome indeed.
Thanks! 👍🏼😊
I enjoyed this tremendously. I spent part of last year in a wheelchair. Thanks for inspiring me to keep going.
Best of luck ahead Elwanda!
"Using" a wheelchair rather than "in", because it recognizes the agency of the person using a tool instead of just being trapped "in" something...
Mockavel Velli “in” doesn’t mean stuck - if you’re in a car are you stuck there? No.
I completely agree with everyone's comments. Yes comparison truly is the thief of all joy as someone has said below. I do that all the time and an trying to stop it. This video is inspirational !!!!
We should never compare ourselves to others because that is when we start losing confidence in ourselves. Happiness cannot be found unless we stop comparing ourselves to others. It is one of those battles you cannot win 🖖
"it was really up to us to decide what is good or bad and it was in our control to determine if it was really a bad day"
"The right perspective makes the impossible possible"
-Unknown
Piano lessons not cheap
Nah, some things are actually impossible.
I love people like him. Really inspiring
I decide to ask and seek out persons like him to be around.
Comparison seems unavoidable these days. Humankind loves numbers, unfortunately. Time, length, likes, views, subs, figures, weight, high, age, speed, grades... Social media, school, university, advertisements, relationships... This world fosters comparison, nourishes of it.
How do we escape all that before becoming neurotic?
Awareness, determination and eventually some kind of... yes, wisdom.
The world can change too. We may realise competition is just a symptom of an immature society and move towards a more collaborative society in the future.
Very very wise, my favourite comment 🙌🏼
@@nas19281 thanks a lot. Very kind of you 🤗
@@nahal999 Competition versus collaboration. You see, even expressing the idea sounds like a football match or a boxing fight... What an irony.
I`m just watching this video and have understood that all problems are in our mind. People who has a good health do not trust it. We are absorbed opinions of other and do not hear ourselves. This man is an example that everything is there for you and all you need is to take this chance. Such people give me energy and love to this world. Thank you.
I am proud to say that he is my colleague
Thank you so much, Mr. Dean! for this inspiration. "Everybody here has something that they're fighting and it may be visible, it may not be, but please take some time and focus on you instead of others and I bet you can win those challenges and really start accomplishing so many great things." great advice and life lesson!
I think it’s very healthy try to be today a better version of myself from yesterday. It’s less frustrating and I think it helps us develop as human beings.
Wow, salute to his courage & confidence!
reading the comments... truly motivating...
जीवन की हर समस्या ट्रैफिक की लाल बत्ती की तरह होती है,
यदि हम थोड़ी देर प्रतीक्षा कर लें,
तो वह हरी हो जाती है,
धैर्य रखें, प्रयास करें, समय बदलता ही है।
I’ve watched this more than once and got so much out of this personally. So much hope!
"By moving on to next as fast as possible, you shrink the time you spend time on those bad scenarios and it gives more time for the good. Your average increases and that's just how the math works." Makes sense to me👍
Its hard i am a footballer and its hurt to see orhers players are better than me when i work harder
What a fantastic talk ❤️ I believe we compare ourselves to others and even who we were in the past because it’s easier to tell your yourself that you’re not good enough and live in doubt than to actually be proud of yourself. I think many of us tend to believe our achievements only once others have acknowledged them first. This talk has definitely made me more aware of that, so thank you!
Yes I agree with this, so true!
Well said
I have so much respect for you and I am personally humbled by your experience, determination and your process towards surrender. Thank you for sharing your story. 🙏🏿
Thank you! I appreciate your sincerity! Yes, we actually only have ourselves to rely on. This is beauty and the challenge of being.
Thank you for sharing this speech. I know someone who is going through the first phases of getting used to the new life without walking. I hope someday I can show him this when he is ready.
Thank you for this talk, I got hurt pretty bad in September so this hits home. You are a very strong man and have an amazing attitude. Thanks again.
My biggest trap and anxiety is just how other people are doing compared to me. How much money they're making, how much newer their car is, how much more satisfied they are with their lives than I am with mine, meanwhile just in the last 5 years I have made such astronomical progress in my career, annual salary, living situation, friend group and vices, that I would be unrecognizable to me 5 years ago. And yet, that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me "other people my age make twice as much as you and work half as many hours, you need to be better, buy a nicer truck, buy a house and not live in an apartment, because that's what everyone else is doing, and the world is leaving you behind.' Meanwhile, reality.
The speech that the wheelchair athlete Dean Furness did is very important to me because he described very well the way I thought when I was young, when I saw famous people on television, each one of them had a perfect appearance, they acted well, they were doing well financially, they were successful, but I felt that all that was impossible to achieve, It looked so easy, but at that time I did not know how many years they had to learn, practice, eat well and give the best of them, this speech motivated me to be a person who aims to achieve the best version of myself, without comparing myself with others and working hard every day facing my problems and finding a solution.
Thank you for this speech you great human.
May God be with you all through hard times.
Very well said👏 He is a man who wants to become a better person day by day by not comparing himself to others but to focus in winning his battle and conquering his challenges.
All the power to you my friend. Although I don’t know you, the purpose and point of your speech and presentation put life in general into a very interesting, and motivational perspective. The initial incident was traumatic, but what makes your life transition radical is that you actually became better at all aspects of life even more than before the accident. The revelation that I learned from you was that you didn’t focus on the nature of how you travel, or ambulate but on what you can accomplish now. The outcomes then present on you being able to travel faster, become an exceptional athlete, great father, great husband and being an inspiration to everyone without regard to who they are. Look at how many people you are reaching! You’re accomplishing more after the incident than possibly you or most people would have ever imagined. Thank you.
Thank you your shares, me too, I am a average person, I always compare me with others, and can't concentrate on yourself but I was understand, i will try to complete myself.
Im so glad i came across this video, this taught me that you can make your life A LOT easier if you just choose not to compare yourself to others. If you do compare at least make sure it's inspiring you to become better and not making you feel worse about yourself...
Dean, thank you for sharing your inspiration with us. Thanks TED for finding Dean for us. Amazing talk!
Thank you for sharing your story. As a former marathoner who can no longer walk without pain- much less run- I spend a lot of time comparing my old life to my new reality. I will hold your wisdom near as I find new ways forward. :)
You have found so beautiful and simple words, thank you
You are a tough guy!
Thanks for this inspiring talk!
I will focus on myself and not compare myself to others.
Left me teary eyed.
Comparison is such a killer!...love what he said at the end. Deciding to become better in all areas of your life
I needed this message! Thankyou!!
I am listening to this for a class, it is seriously a great inspirational !!! Best wishes to this young man.
Thank you for sharing this❣ I've had the wrong attitude, and this puts me in my place.
Wow, such a great speech. I appreciate what you shared. Thank you.
those 1st 30 secs into the talk really hit me. thank you tho
(moving to what's next) and (invisible challenges) parts really touched me .. Thank you
To overcome challengies start to resist your self and overcome your bad habits that stop your doing hard to rise up your self .
Lovely! Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you, Dean; I needed to hear this today.
"Compare yourself to who you were yesterday"
I think this is a great talk and one of the biggest issues I struggle with when I compare myself to others. I am working towards running more often and as much as I like to compete it is about celebrating your own accomplishments
I agree. It took me quite some time to shed myself of that mindset in high school, but when I did, I felt loads better
Thank you, simply thank you.
Thank you! I needed this.
Wonderful to see you're still doing great Dean!!! I will never forget when we chatted, when you stopped by after returning from the rehab hospital "ten hours away"; especially when you were telling about taking your wheelchair down the stairs!
Thank you for this! I needed this
Thank you so much
If you compare yourself to others, you’ll only feel you’re not good enough. It’s easier said than done. I catch myself doing this to me all the time. But each time I catch myself, I find myself doing it less than before.
Thank you for reminding us not to measure up our potential to others. We are able to live full out by creating a plan that works for us.
what a beautiful speech!
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing
"The right perspective makes the impossible pissible" 💯
Dean Furness, tks for sharing your experience. Great & keep it up.
I struggle with anxiety and constantly compare myself to others. I’m not doing so well at work lately and I have a friend who breaks her neck to tell me how well she is doing and I don’t know how to tell her that while I am pleased for her it makes me feel like a failure as I am no where near. I know I need to work on myself as I am running my own race but can’t help compare myself.
He is such a huge inspiration I hope to become like him one day
Your inspiration is incredible. You are very motivating and you give me more hope. Thank you a thousand times for sharing your story. I understand your transition totally ! I wish you all the best luck. 🙏
Thank you for such a wonderful talk.
Such a brave soul god bless you my friend and I wish you achieve everything you vision on and all the happiness in this world
Love this talk 🙏
I’m definitely gonna rewatch this so many times... esp the last few para
Very inspiring message, just what I needed to hear.
tracking workouts has been the most effective way for me to keep motivated - it allows you to have an objective view of your performance instead of relying on subjective self evaluation, which for many people, is very critical
great talk! Love the TED materials it's always creative and educational in a not schoolish way
A personal average really is easy to see how to improve, just look at what you're doing right now and accept it. I like this video a lot.
Well done! Keep going, an atoms weight of good is never unnoticed. You are creating waves.
Thanks for sharing this inspirational life experience.