HELP! I keep rejecting perfectly great guys... why do I do this??
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- čas přidán 9. 09. 2024
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Another possibility, I could be way off, is that they don't want a relationship but are just infatuated with the idea of having one.
They're in love with love. But, when it actually comes in to putting in the work, time, and effort. It's not as appealing as they thought.
Im afraid a lot of guys think there might be some one better just around the corner .
I think people sometimes are comparing others to themselves as some way to perceive a level of perfection and when they don’t see it in another person, they tend to make a run for it. Meanwhile, missing out on a great person that could be your perfect match.
It's called FOMO (fear of missing out.) Apps and social media have dialed it up to 1000% on most gay men. It causes men to confuse Internet attention with day to day life. They get a message from a better looking man and they think that's their new standard. It's a never ending circle. Grindr is full of this nonsense of gay men being extremely picky with a simple hookup, constantly looking for better. They confuse hook-up culture with dating standards.
⭐⭐⭐⭐Another great topic guys. It sounds like this guy has a fear of commitment for whatever reason. Therefore, I would suggest seeking professional help.
He should stop dating and hurting people
I have the exact same issue. I'm totally avoidant due to historical dysfunction with my parents(like Keegan).
Fair play Keegan for working through it and coming out other side.
Thanks guys - this has helped me and spurred me on to get some help and do some work around it. I feel so stuck and it's deep rooted...but I am optimistic I can work through this.
Excuses!
Great topic. And can be applied to many aspects of our lives. Self doubt and self sabotage.
A slap 🍑 and a decaf coffee ☕ may just get me motivated.
When I met the right man, and I was finally ready, I let myself fall in love. We have been married for 8 years. Up until then, I was not ready, I may have loved the idea of a relationship. But I wasn't ready to be in one. Yes, you end up hurting a lot of good men who are ready.
Shame on you
@@GC-fi9xl I know. It is sad.
This guy ( who's asking the question) is just too scared. Hurt and Pain is part of the process but the rewards can be extraordinary. This is not a gay issue. It is a human issue.
Hey guys! Your content randomly came up over the last day or so, one of the best finds ever! Amazing to see just two regular people navigating the world, goodness knows a lot of gay folk need more content like this. Away to start at your first content and work my way through, plus signed up for the newsletter. I may even buy a mug when my wallet is handy 😊. Keep going and thank you. x
People who do this are a waste of space. They lead genuine people like me who are looking for a serious monogamous relationship away and end up hurting me. These people hopefully will end up dying alone and unloved as they don’t deserve a relationship. I hopefully will find a genuine guy and find love once I meet a genuine guy
You will. I found mine. We broke up for one week because he wasnt sure about his sexuality, but we came back better than ever because he realized he truly loved me. It was hard work, but love is worth the effort.
As an advise, you should test the ground with people before you fall hard in love. After a couple of dates you have to make things clear, ask them about what they are truly looking for, speak about your expectations, and leave if you are not on the same page. If they are just looking for something casual.
@@raymondcampusano2991Fully agree
I feel like dating apps have made this such a bigger problem. Lol. Of course there could be other reasons as to why someone would do this. I just feel like dating apps make us more strategic when it comes to looks; while in person if we see a imperfection we typically tend to be more humble.
If a guy is rejecting other guys when they are quality guys is because they are insecure or in the closet......they have not accepted themselves as the gay men they are.
Love this topic.. very helpful.
Ooh-kay, this one sounds like it's the sort of thing to go speak to a proper counsellor or psych about. Hopefully 'Vlad' lives in a country where that's inexpensive and accessible? Because there are a lot of things it could be - fear of getting hurt, problems with relationships, all sorts of recurrence to past trauma and such - none of which I'm even remotely qualified to talk about. Especially not in a youtube comment.
All that being said, disclaimer-style - first thing I noticed about the letter was he's said 'I want a loving, committed relationship', and 'I keep rejecting guys who can offer this' - but he hasn't said much about wanting that kind of relationship _with the men he's been rejecting._ It's all well and good to want to love and be loved by someone, but one of the big, important parts of that is you have to either already love your partner, or at least be open to loving them and feel some sort of positive attraction towards them, specifically, as a person. You _can_ make a relationship work where you're essentially just ticking a box off on a form for each other - some of the most successful marriages I know of have worked that way - but this sounds like he's looking for romantic love and that unfortunately _isn't_ something you can just order off a menu. It's not enough that _they_ might love _you_ - you also have to love them. And you can't make yourself love someone just because it's convenient; I'm assuming most of this audience is well aware of that fact. Is he pushing away dudes he wants to be with, and regretting losing them, or is he pushing away dudes who he thinks would work in a stable relationship context, and regretting losing the opportunity to engage in that? Because those are not necessarily the same thing.
This may not be the issue (again, totally psych-unqualified dude in an office chair typing here), and I'd still say - if you're causing yourself (and potentially others, it sounds like) grief in your own relationships (especially intimate ones), then that's something to actively work on fixing, with whatever qualified help you can reasonably access for it.
But the love thing's what I thought of, and might be something for someone to think about, maybe if they're having a _less_ severe issue with commitments. Finding a man who is capable of and willing to love another man can take a while; it seems to be pretty normal to be dazzled by the possibility the first time (or few) and not even stop to consider the difference between wanting _a_ relationship and wanting _that_ relationship with that guy specifically. Which is similar to how straight people's first experiences with straight relationships go, actually; it's just that gay ones tend to have a bit more of a lead-in time before people are ready for them, and - not as easy to discuss with people outside the gay community, get that advice and reassurance from older people in your life who've been there, done that, and have relationships you want to emulate.
As soemone who's been on the receiving end of guys like this many times, PLEASE get help not just for your sake but for sanity of all the good guys people like you keep screwing over.
I agree - these guys are scum and ruin our lives
Maybe you are scared of true intimacy if you come from a background of dysfunction - in which case you may subconsciously want to repeat the return to the trauma of being treated like shit and wanting acceptance - I went through this. When the right guy emerges perhaps tell him this upfront so he is in the loop - and take it a little slow - maybe don’t get sexual immediately - I did they and over time I came to learn a new way of engaging - without drama
ThankU! You guys are perfect: perfectly cute guffaw. Seriously I am one who pushed away. I broke hearts, including my own. I had to resign from dating. Or did I flunk out. I fired myself. Therapy can help. I learned I was re-enacting something. Love=violence. It's changed so slowly. The first step was noticing. Getting introspective. Taking inventory 🕊
Hope you felt bad about hurting people and went out of your way to put what you did wrong right
@@GC-fi9xl oh yes, eternal sorrow. These were forgiving friends.
I love them.
Rejecting great guys is 3 issues:
1. You likely have mental issues. You should probably seek some help from a professional. Therapy is your friend and learn to admit and ADDRESS your issues.
2. Social media obsession. You are likely damaged from seeing so many available options, you suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out.) You are obsessed with always finding better and will always self-sabotage. Again, FIX YOURSELF!
3. You love toxic behavior, which in turn, means you're toxic. You admitted to not being into good guys and avoid them. You simply not being into "nice guys" shows that you yourself are toxic. You need lots of therapy where you take accountability for yourself. The issue is you, so get to fixing it.
Now, I'm feelin a bit sad. This guy is basicly me... eye opening moment. :(
Shame on you
@@GC-fi9xldon’t need talk him down like that
Did Joel give this guy the name "Faff?" I'm in the U.S. and had to look up the word "faff." Evidently, "faff" is an informal British verb that means to fuss or dither. It can also be used as a noun to describe something that is awkward or time-consuming. Wow, Joel! Unusually harsh for real Joel (unlike "Instagram Joel" / "Twitter Joel" / "CZcams Shorts Joel"). This poor gay dude comes to you for help and you call him "Faff." Ouch.
Vlad, not Faff!
If you can't understand their accents you can put the subtitles on