Skater Gonzi's Fight with Borderline Schizophrenia | Skating and Talking
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- čas přidán 9. 12. 2021
- Polish skater and artist Gonzi has been vocal about his fight against depression and borderline schizophrenia.
Gonzi picked up a skateboard at the age of five and started hanging out with older skaters in his hometown of Łódź, exposing him to a life of parties and drug use at a young age.
He smoked his first joint at 13, and was 17 when he experienced a psychotic break due to drug use and was diagnosed with borderline paranoid schizophrenia. He thanks skateboarding, his friends, and art for still being here today.
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His dads artwork is insane.
Very cool
True
I was mind blown
You can cut diamonds on wolf's jaw, god damn 💎
@@JM1675 right like if he doesn’t model that’s a shame😂
that last quote by him was so beautiful, "it's crazy how people mind their own business. and i think it's important to remember that there's a few of them that actually mind your business too."
l
That one got me too
Made my eyes tear up
Bars
He definitely should listen to his friend, when he said he should stay away from any psychoactive drugs it couldn’t be more true. If you deal with any mental illness even cannabis or a beer can make it worse. I am now realizing this at 28 years old that I can’t even smoke a joint or have a beer anymore because it truly messes with my mental health. Some people’s minds are stronger but if you struggle the best thing you can do is rid your mind of any substances, even cigarettes. Much love bro, keep those friends around; they are wise and will help you through the tough times
I'm opposite. When I'm sober that's when it kicks in really hard. That's the bad thing. It's addiction. Schizophrenia is not fun.
@@rexasaurus3853 that’s the thing about mental illness, no one experiences things the same. I wish you the best, know that people care about you
@@rexasaurus3853 same here but i think it's because we've gotten so used to having something in us, without it we feel miserable. I've tried going without drinking for a few day's and im just in a bad mood. Even smoking a joint doesn't fully do it. Addiction ain't fun
For real. I have a history of mental health issues in my family and smoking through my teens and into my twenties definitely bought it out of me.
i did meth a few times and it ended up sending me into a mild psychosis i was scared of being poisoned and people look through the window because some pervs actually did that to me. even though my brain seems to have repaired itself i was an alcoholic and opiate addict so meth wasn't used very often but something was set off and i cant smoke weed everytime i have a major panic attack and think weird things. everyone says its harmless to smoke weed but if you have problems like i did it can make mentals issues worse.
I absolutely love his story. Not only do so many people struggle finding a healthy outlet for regular emotions, but this guy has taken his expressions to another level and made the best of what he has. Hats off to you, Vice. Keep it up Gonzi!
Skating in itself isn't a cure for schizophrenia, but regular outdoor exercise is good for general depression, and skating is a lot more fun than most sports. It's what gives me joy in my life.
@Yummy Spaghetti Noodles actually you can control it in the sense that if you don’t poison your mind with substances and you surround yourself with positive people and do positive activities you can truly manage how bad it gets. The mind is a powerful thing and his was obviously altered by drugs, mine was altered by drugs and I now realize sobriety and good people is what truly is helping me heal. Some days are easier than others, but the more you stay away from drugs and negative people/activities; the better off you’ll be. To each his own, but if you really think deep about it; what I said makes sense.
@@morningglorytarot tarot cards
HMU
This dudes blessed to have such good people around him, I like how the dude at the end said it's important to not be alone, I totally agree
I hear you, it is important, but it's difficult for some people to establish connections. Their brains don't allow it to happen.
the relationship between weed and other pyschoactive substances and bringing out mental health disorders in young people needs to be talked about more
On the one hand, a person predisposed to schizophrenia may see an episode and the onset of that disorder triggered by those substances. On the other hand, people who have already had the onset of these symptoms and are looking for a way to cope may lean on these substances to feel better. Meds take a while to work and for some young people, using these substances feels preferable short-term.
To be fair. Weed has been a blessing in helping me with disorders I have
@@villian99918 the opposite for me. Weed triggered my generalized anxiety disorder after years of smoking. I regret my mistakes every day since 2005…
He also mentioned eating crystal at the time but you had to mention weed specifically.
@@Zezeguizee i have most definitely started getting anxiety when i smoke
Loving this series. I love that vice recognizes the skateboarding community.
Kinda random but where is ur pfp from, i always see it
Vice all started with skating originally. 💯✌️
@@jakewngg it was a ps3 stock profile photo for PSN
@@jakewngg wait nah its from xbox 360 actually
@@Dyl_Cam it was 360 bozo, how do you f that up? Literally the greatest console of that generation. Nothing will beat the nes or the n64
The world needs to hear more of these stories
Believe me every single person in this world is like that, just most of them don't want to admit it.
Agreed. While I am not attempting to discredit the awareness that stories of how a mental condition takes one's life brings, but we need to hear more about our stories of surviving and overcoming the mental demons / battles that we face.
No we don't
I'm a skater and in school to be a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner!! I love this!! I would love to work with the Ben Raemers Foundation one day! Also, side note, to the Dad, I know it was a joke but just in case you thought there was some truth to it, it's not your fault!
His dads art is unreal
I have a lot of struggles and a lot of bad thoughts, but when I'm out skating, I'm at peace.
I feel you, but then you have days where you wake up before everybody to go to the skatepark only to be met with a guy weed whacking around the entire park at an ungodly hour on Christmas Eve, a sketchy person circling the skatepark on foot, two freight trains going by back to back, a random cool guy showing up, and 25 mph gusts.
Sometimes circumstances rob you of that peace and that's the worst kind of blue balls you can give to a mentally unwell skateboarder.
Stay young
Keep doing what you love! Try other hobbies too. Keep pushing, moving and loving yourself❤
I've been going through these same things without anyone trying to help for 20 years. It's incredibly hard, but seeing things like this inspires hope for others. Thank you, sincerely, for this video.
That's fucking insane how much I relate to this guy. Truly inspiring story
It’s sad i try my hardest to stay out of the way and not be noticed
@@yellowweg1427 Don't, everyone needs to be noticed.
@@brucelee4996 thats fax
It's an important thing to realize how much help a supportive group of family and friends is to mental illnesses or addiction. But it often leaves me feeling like there's no hope for people who lack those things.
When I skate I feel free as a bird like all my depression and anxiety has melted away. I'm just some normal guy ripping the pavement. I hope they keep covering this issue society has that transcends ethnicity and social class.
Doing drugs at an early age can have these effects later in life. Glad to see he is in a better place now. Much love Gonzi.
Sadly, the skaters' community is revolving around smoking weed and drinking because it is "cool and rad". Many teenagers end up messing up their brains chemistry at an early age often leading to serious mental problems throughout their lives.
@@Bettie_Rage so true. Going threw that myself as I started smoking hash at 13 yo
Not really. People who are predisposed to schizophrenia and some other mental illness can bring them out by using weed or psychedelic drugs. But it likely would have happened to them eventually anyway.
@@stevenglansberg4448 ye there's a big misconception that drugs will cause schizophrenia. Can definitely make it much worse though. Have had several friends have psychotic episodes from weed that happened out of nowhere. All around the age of 20.
@@stevenglansberg4448 That is later in life. Using drugs and alcohol as a teen will very much increase the rate of developmental issues etc.
It’s so dope how skating is considered a way of coping with schizophrenia is or any other diagnosis on the schizophrenia-spectrum. I saw it on this post & it got me super hyped because I too deal with schizoaffective disorder ; shouts out to the guy in the vid or anybody else that goes through this.
This is maybe the most positive Vice story they have done yet. Mental health is important no matter your background.
I love his art as well as his dad's, what a fantastic family.
So many people should have an episode. Sooo many skaters have a lot to get off their chest. This is beautiful. You are heard. You are loved. - A fellow struggling skater
This series is actually 🔥 I'm glad mental health is being taking seriously rip Ben 🙏
Mental
Breakdown: take it easy on self, don't beat yourself up.
Don't compare yourself to others, only strive to be as good as you have been before or better than that. Don't disrespect your individualism.
Speaking of respect .... if your struggling with trauma remember you may have been victimized but victim mentality is a killer & will sink you. Have compassion for self but don't wallowing in pity & self destructive behavior. Have enough self respect to seek help & make plans instead of drifting & blaming.
Taking accountability is the fastest way to get out of your head/emotions & keep logic in the equation.
Never give up on yourself. There may be cycles. There may be down times, falling off the wagon, gettin off track..... just don't give up. Get back on track, make a plan, make goals, dream, no matter how hard it us to rewire one's maladapted brain patterns it's doable. For every single person.
Muscle memory exists. Same with your brain.
JUST
KEEP
TRYING💗
Need a counselor, need a therapist, need a hotline, need a group?
Seek out the love you deserve & start believing you deserve it
Thank you for this
Thank you I love you
Beautifully said underrated post
This is a wonderful story and so well told. It’s very inspiring to hear his journey
This is so important! Thank you Vice. And thank you Gonzi for sharing your experience.
i love the focus on skateboarding and mental health! skateboarding saved my life as a teenager. i’m sure i’d have killed myself without it. thanks for what you’re doing with this series, vice.
Expression in any form is self reflexion emitting ones faults and fears and worries . This video was beautiful , a true piece of art.
Thanks for sharing. We’re with you Gonzi man. Keep it going-you’re doing great!
Hopefully in another century or so people will learn to take mental health seriously. Because right now anybody who doesn't do the consumer dance with the 2.5 children and white picket fence aspirations is pretty much labelled an undesirable. We are still so primitive when it comes to understanding our own humanity. We've learned how to feed ourselves better, how to kill each other better, how to have to do less better but being more human still somehow evades us...
true words
Dam this hit deep man.. the current state of society is degenerating honestly... At the expense of authenticity
Well said, Sir!
✌well said.
very insightful. Well said.
Also, wonderful video and thank you for sharing you struggles with us. Good on ya for sharing his story vice!
So good ! Thank you so much for doing this !
They are both amazing artists. Gonzi seems like a beautiful person, please don't give up, try to do well and stay off drugs. 🙏💞 Especially when you have people who love you to live for. My sister was schizophrenic and drugs always made her symptoms so much worse. She declined and we lost her right before Christmas 2021, she was only 33. Please stay safe and continue to see the beauty in life, art, and skating. Bless.
Great video. Thanks for sharing.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Good to see he's doing well. I dont skate anymore but I'll always remember the great sense of community and support those times gave me.
KEEP THIS SERIES GOING! If you need someone to interview, I would love to be featured. Or Andy Roy.
please keep sharing these stories, they inspire me to talk
truly inspiring, thank you for sharing that
szacun gonzi
Gonzi and his dad love each other, its apparent and so fulfilling.
Brilliantly edited and shot Tim Crawley’s film shows the danger of ‘just getting wasted ‘ and the onset of mental illness. Gonzi’s art which is portsyed as vibrant and literally uplifting (compared to his dad’s dark prints) is as important to him as skateboarding, family and friends - all illustrated within the flow and narrative of the film. We hear graphically of the dangers of being on the edge of schizophrenia, but this is balanced by great words of comfort and commitment to Gonzi which give him the confidence to ‘ talk’ and ‘not be alone’ and pull away from ‘getting wasted’. Great watching for anyone, particularly if you are depressed or just feeling down as the film looks at the problem and the solution. Of course the cameradery and just plain love in the skateboarding community is brilliantly illustrated as ever.
Seeing stories like this makes me feel so much more understood and less alone because I’ve dealt with the exact same issues he did. It’s a very dark world, when you’re head is in that dark place. And it’s terrifying to say the least.
A champion among men! Good on ya mate 😄 This is a beautifully honest story that everyone must watch 😄 Gonzo you should be proud of yourself 😄
Mad respect Tomek ✊ You are an inspiration
Much love! Always be you, always care for others and be righteous! The world needs us, we can help the world be a better place for all kind of people.
Nice document, thank you.
This video really lifted my spirit even though I haven't finished it so it might make me cry at the end
this is such an important project. im bipolar and i always see stigmas around it. nice to see people with disorders living their regular lives
I’m 33, and a friend got me into e-boarding in early October. I’ve struggled with depression for a few years, and took a huge leap out of it when I brought my dog home from the forest for the first time ever; he’s wonderful and has helped me to feel more like I have a reason to be here. But skating gave me a vision of being happy, with my dog walking/jogging alongside me while I’m rolling along the street/sidewalk.
That vision was fantastic enough to make me deeply want to learn to skate, which is definitely easier on an board (because I can feel the ride first, and learn the feel of balance of the kickoff). A month later, I’m finding it fun to learn a new skill. It clears my mind when I have to focus on the segments of the sidewalk that could make me fall; I just love the feeling of being on the edge of safety and injury, and having control over it. It makes me feel responsible, the sense of investing in my ~self~ is real, and my friend and I have another fun thing we can do together when we’re not hiking to waterfalls or going to live music venues.
Tf is e·boarding?
@@wastedtalent666 electric skateboarding
My history is the same as him, even the same disorder 😅 1.5 months in my first hospitalization at 23, many attempt suicieds, many drugs with “friends”, alcohol, but a lovely mom that helps me every day. You are lucky Gonzi do your best always 💖
What's your insta? I need someone to talk to
@@lordperezident @noonecaresgokillyourself
I love how skateboarding is spreaded around the world, watching videos from other countries is inspiring
Bless him❤ very inspirational because there is hope for one to live their life even when struggling. We all, are not doomed because of our insecurities, and mental illness.
Gonzi is a beautiful example of the kind of homie you want to have around you. Full of positive energy and compassion for his friends. Keep ripping brother.
THANK YOU makes us folks feel less alone!
I really enjoyed watching your video!
Keep up the excellent work!
I'm looking forward to another awesome video!
Take care and stay in touch! 🎄🙏🎄
The feeling of freedom skateboarding gives me helps a ton with my depression.
This is fantastic thank you.
Holy S, he described what I experienced 2 years ago PERFECTLY. My heart started beating faster when he started explaining it. Im way better at calming myself down now, but I literally thought I was already dead when it was happening, and that was HORRIFYING at the time. It took me months to shake it off, and from time to time I start feeling it, but manage it way better. I'm glad he does too
Every day experience for me… I wrote my own fantasy novel, writing my second and starting surfing…
I felt similar when he told his story. stay strong!
Stay up gonzi!!! Love from Huntington Beach California.
2 years same for me brother, its a terrifying ordeal to have your reality crumble. I also have managed to pick up the pieces, it just took a time of great pain to shake me into staring to become who I should be. Sometimes, especially directly after, I believed I was lucky to go through this because if you make it through to the other side then you realise the strength you had never tapped into, the world changes. Best of luck to all struggling, you're so incredibly worth pouring all belief into yourself.
Thanks VICE and Much Love to the gifted Gonzi...truth matters when it comes to our overall well being.
CZcams video made me cry! Jeez
I love Tomek's art ✨
Thank you for this video :)
His style is pretty unique
Weed unfortunately exacerbate psychotic behavior, which could lead into a disorder like this. Especially when mixed with other drugs. I've experienced my first taste of psychosis on weed, everything was fine, I just got extremely paranoid. Years down the line I'm still smoking and stress amongst many other factors made me go so psychotic I was thinking air vents and water was communicating with me.
Be very careful with weed in high doses.
I agree. This weed glorifying needs to finally stop. Just as tobacco smoking glorification had to be stopped.
I'm caught in a dangerous loop at the moment. I've been heavily smoking weed for many years, used to do harder stuff, lots of psychedelics at one point. I stopped taking psychs because every time I would take them i would enter complete psychosis where I completely disassociate from everything and everyone around me, and I would believe fantastical things, (like everyone in the room telepathically communicating, or another time I thought the devil was coming out of my mirror). I get scared a lot that weed is gonna make me go mad, but I'm so damn dependent on it that going a day without it makes me anxious asf.
Why do you keep on smoking if you know it doesn’t help you ?
Right. Let's ignore the fact that he was using crystal meth and talk about how harmful weed is🙄
@@UNDERCOVER_E get past your weed withdrawals and don’t act on the urge. Use melatonin to go to sleep at night cuz u won’t be able to sleep
I am also skating, one day i went my home and saw gonzi skating in my city.... He was doing gap i was seeing everyday and never thought, that is skateable... I agree 100% with gonzi. Its similar to many skaters, you star with weed, alcohol. You re running away from problems, you cant solve alone in your flat. But skating is something that god gave us. I mean its the best medicine, when your head is exploding you just just go and skate meet your hoomie you know for years, you feel like a free bird, its amazing. Thank god i found skateboarding, now its better im on detox for a month feelin better, skatin. Thats a real true about those real ,,cool XD,, skaters... I fell gonzi so much. BTW, its kinda amazing to see this documental on vice about guy i saw a few months ago and realise he s just 90 % like me. Skate or die !
Its nice to see that there are sweet kind caring people out there still
Amazing thank you again vice
nah s/o to his friend for being the GOAT and sticking by him
Gonzi's dad's art looks like an MC Escher randomly cut into a hundred pieces, then randomly pasted back together.
I know Tomek from skateboarding world I spend some time with him and I will always remember that ! He is such a great spirit ❤️ Alicja z Krakowa 💕
Way to go gonzi! Keep doing you brother
I don't skate but I've always found schizophrenia very interesting. As soon as he said something clicked, the permanent De Ja-Vu and heart racing I knew it was the same thing that happened to me. I was smoking a lot of weed and taking prescription drugs then one night something just clicked in my mind it was the scariest thing to ever happen to me, my family and my boyfriend I was in a psych ward for a month. This changed my life unimaginably for the better after getting over the depression after the psychosis I knew I had to change my life. I'm glad there are people like this to share their stories it makes others feel less alone
Wishing everyone a very good mental health 🤠 😊
Rad. Glad we have this nowadays.
Hello from România, I like his story, sad story but I like
Loving all this
Amazing series!
Brilliant! This is the kind of content I like to see on Vice
Mental health is real !!
As is poor mental health. The most forgotten issue of today's humanity, it seems.
New move ,lay down ,"let's do
something else on the flat".lol
Great art!I like the mixed media 🤘🏻
His Dad is quite skilled as well!
Anything is possible,with a good friend 🤝🏼
The hug for the lady friend who helped him ,when he rubbed her head and big smiles ,gave me such full love feelings.💓
this was really good for me to see.
Man ... That’s Excellent 🙏🏾🌟
Please cherish your friends now because as you age they fall away from you..no matter how tight you once were..it’s heartbreaking and you do become lonely because of it..stay strong 💪🏻
Finalmente um mini-documentario descente nesse canal
YES VICE, more on skateboarders and the culture please.
You all see a connection here. People who are suffering also can be so talented.
I'm currently in a mental health situation. I wouldn't say I'm alone but I don't want to bring anyone into my world
You are loved
Hearing his story of developing derealization and HPPD at such a young age and how it felt and affected him hit really close to home. Avid smoker since 16 and when i was 19 right after my birthday i had the same experience. Fucked me up for a long long time. Stopped smoking ever since and can't anymore it was so bad. Had to quit my job and developed very severe anxiety after that and still deal with it to this day. To anyone going through something similar or the same, just know that even though it's scary and everything feels wrong and different, just you are okay. Just keep on going.
This is very similar to a u.k skater story about a promising and very talented skater who got into smoking weed and it unfortunately triggered negative mental health issues. He never managed to recover as well as Gonzi. 😔 my brother has drug induced paranoid schizophrenia and its been over 20 years now. He will never shut the door that's been opened for so long. This guys story is nice to see so much love around him. That love and support is what saved him in time for sure. He's so lucky he stopped drugs just in time to not step too far out of reality, so he could get back in ❤
god i've never really related more. i went through a terrible terrible crisis with weed, drinking, and a bunch of random pills. started screaming and saying a bunch of nonsense leading me down a dark path. i also have the fucking flashbacks and deja vu feelings, but i got into skating and it really does help with bringing me backsnd helping me focus. i haven't fully recovered from this and still have been everywhere but i hope skating leads me to a better place. i'm so happy to hear that i'm not alone. what an inspiration
He’s a real masterpiece of a person
Weed breaks heads. I'm glad to see this story out there and more people talking about skating and art as outlets for mental health.
He is so amazing!!!!
Beautiful story
These are amazing
Proud of you mate 👏
Love this!
Wow! He's a cool guy for delving into skateboard, even though he has depression. Hats off to him!
Skateboarding is great for depression. Does the same thing as cold water swimming and releases endorphins, as well as being an exhilarating ride.
that's the funny thing, I am depressed AF, sometimes I just don't eat and shower for days just laying in my bed but skating, is just different, it doesn't feel like traditional sport, it feels like freedom, living art as snobby as that sounds.
tbh it's the only thing keeping me from blowing my brains out sometimes...
yeah I got issues
@@Si74l0rd Yes, just as any activity that we enjoy doing. The problem is that the skaters' community is revolving around smoking weed and drinking because it is "cool and rad". Many teenagers end up messing up their brains chemistry at an early age often leading to serious mental problems throughout their lives. There is enormous pressure to "be cool" just like the others (who smoke and drink).
@@Bettie_Rage For me skating is freedom, but in my mid forties I'm a little old to be hanging with kids and I don't drink and ride, past experience lol.
Skating is for everyone, it should be whatever you want it to be, not what the kids at the park think you should do. If everyone does the same thing then there's no evolution of style.
As goes bad behaviour, unfortunately if you criminalise people for skating then they feel they have less to lose by doing other things they shouldn't. It's a little different in the UK. Though a fair amount of teen kids smoke weed, whether or not they skate. Drinking is less a problem than it used to be. Mostly kids think they're being cool by vaping tbh.
I never cared what people thought of me, still don't. I ride because it gives me joy. I can't skate much these days because I'm too crippled, but even ten minutes on a board a week is something. Makes my week just having a push down the street ;D
@@lp.shakur That's how I feel about it too. It literally lifts my spirit and lets me soar for however long. It's pure exhilaration and euphoria, and style, and art, and pure steeze.
Doesn't matter what you do on a skateboard, as long as you're comfortable and having a good time. But there's always bonus points for style, and for wiping out spectacularly without getting too battered lol.
Just feels good man!
Hope to see you in the US Gonzi!
since youtube is dumb and removed the dislike button, had to comment amazing video and worth the watch.
What a wonderful story. Lovely to see Gonzi's artwork. Does anyone know what type of motorcycle it is in the background at 5:06?
You can tell how happy his mom is when he's in a good mood.