Cursed Cocktails | How to Drink

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  • čas přidán 13. 07. 2020
  • These cocktails should not exist. I'm gonna drink them anyway.
    These are some of the most disgusting, foul, unholy drinks known to man and today for your pleasure I am making and drinking them. This first one has been having a bit of a twitter moment lately, maybe you've heard of it? It's called Beef Fizz. Let's get going. Beef Fizz apparently comes straight from the pages of Al Hazred's Necronomicon- I mean the 1975 Beverage Companion Guide.
    Beef Fizz
    1 can of condensed beef broth
    .5 oz. or 15 ml. Lemon Juice
    4 oz. or 120 ml. Ginger Ale
    Mix
    Pour over ice
    Next up in this Grand Guignol is a real old time home style classic, Horse Jizz. I'm not naming these things folks.
    Horse Jizz
    1 part beer
    1 part milk
    float
    And finally we come to the creme de la creme, the cats meow, the bees knees the absolute bottom of the pit in the seventh circle of hell, the Smoker's Cough.
    Smoker's Cough
    1 oz. or 30 ml. Jagermeister
    Dollop of mayonnaise
    And that is all she wrote.
    Slowly but surely, I'm starting a mailing list so that I'm not fully dependent on YT's algorithmized notifications system. If you'll sign up, I promise not to abuse your generosity, or sell your info to anyone. It's over on the blog right here:
    bit.ly/H2DBlog
    Shop spirits for your cocktails: bit.ly/H2Dspirits
    Twitch: bit.ly/2VsOi3d
    Barfly Mixology Gear (affiliate): amzn.to/2nCGQGb
    H2D2: bit.ly/YTH2D2
    twitter: bit.ly/H2DTwit
    instagram: bit.ly/H2dIG
    Blog: bit.ly/H2DBlog
    Patreon: bit.ly/H2DPatreon
    Gear: amzn.to/2LeQCbW
    Incredibly Awesome People who make this show possible!
    Shelby Benton
    Dennis Groome
    Ryan Wolfe
    Trip Brennan
    Aditya Choksi
    Rachel Keys
    Whiskey Tribe
    Thomas D Choate
    William Madrid
    Erik Språng
    Nicholas Tsotakos
    Bradley Cronk
    Russell Gernannt
    James Evans
    Kolya Venturi
    Hooper Snow
    Adam Doyle
    Kimber Guzik
    Bill
    Todd Swain
    Joaquin T.
    Richard Rappuhn
    Jay C. Russell
    Affable Kraut
    Michael Vandenberg
    reese cryer
    Sintax88
    Jackalope
    Sage Bentley
    Jeff Lewis
    Huyen Tue Dao
    Marzi
    Eric Louis N Romero
    Jacob Pizzuto
    Tammy Mott
    Jadgzeit
    Lee M Geller
    Alex Bertrand
    Thomas Walker
    Daniel Batson
    Magnus Gezelius
    Jesse Hernandez
    Mark Nevada
    Cade Bryan
    Charles Armstrong
    Quinn
    Christy Rusk
    Anne Burns
    Colin MacIntosh
    Directed by: Greg
    Edited by: Rachel Ambelang & Greg
    Produced by: Meredith Engstrom & Stefano Pennisi & Greg
    Cinematography by: Greg
    Created by: Greg
    #beeffizz #mixology #cursed
  • Jak na to + styl

Komentáře • 4,6K

  • @howtodrink
    @howtodrink  Před 3 lety +497

    Only darkness awaits you...
    Bruce Bar Talk & Cocktails: czcams.com/video/lcCqWr6k2P8/video.html
    Twitch: bit.ly/2VsOi3d
    Barfly Mixology Gear (affiliate): amzn.to/2nCGQGb
    H2D2: bit.ly/YTH2D2
    twitter: bit.ly/H2DTwit
    instagram: bit.ly/H2dIG
    Blog: bit.ly/H2DBlog
    Patreon: bit.ly/H2DPatreon
    Gear: amzn.to/2LeQCbW

    • @adamliebreich-johnsen6104
      @adamliebreich-johnsen6104 Před 3 lety +8

      Bar Talk and Cocktails is a fantastic channel! I got into it when you tweeted Bruce's horse jizz video. But he really makes good drinks, too.

    • @-Banoffee
      @-Banoffee Před 3 lety +2

      The beef fizz is probably killed by the brand ingredients. There's no actual ginger in canned ginger ale. Personally, I make it. Tastes much stronger than the grocery store stuff. Just grab some ginger, dice and/or slice it, cook in water, strain the ginger bits, reduce with sugar, and you have a syrup to add to club soda. Brand name gingerale is like 50% sodium. Tack that onto the 90% sodium Campbell's puts in their everything and you're doomed to drink salt.
      I recommend avoiding Campbell's. Try going to Fresh Market or a farmer's market or something and get a good beef broth. Campbell's tastes bad anyway. The resulting mix should be very different. Probably still weird, if not bad, but very different than the saltwater mix you ended up with.

    • @Ahnii
      @Ahnii Před 3 lety +2

      uhm cant fine the mixing glass you used at 2:05 / 2:43 in your links -_- Am i stupid or is it missing?
      Love the channel btw and would love to see more vegan creamy stuff being made

    • @adamliebreich-johnsen6104
      @adamliebreich-johnsen6104 Před 3 lety

      @@-Banoffee He's made ginger syrup in the past on this show. This was in the spirit of making it authentic to the time period of the recipe.

    • @morrius0757
      @morrius0757 Před 3 lety

      You should have a series after this called cured cocktails where you take the drinks in this series and try to make them good.

  • @daftodil589
    @daftodil589 Před 3 lety +4715

    i like how the first one has no alcohol because it already cuts out the middleman in terms of making mistakes

    • @Finwolven
      @Finwolven Před 3 lety +213

      It could probably have benefited from a stiff addition of bourbon, but the poor bourbon...

    • @Brunojn
      @Brunojn Před 3 lety +114

      @@Finwolven maybe a bourbon chaser to chase that evil away.

    • @Witchydigit
      @Witchydigit Před 3 lety +96

      Scotch people will probably murder me for this, but a heavily peated Islay with meat and smoke notes might actually make the beef fizz better (read: alcoholic)

    • @DrewskiTheLegend
      @DrewskiTheLegend Před 3 lety +13

      Witchydigit I could see that

    • @shaingustin3032
      @shaingustin3032 Před 3 lety +11

      Witchydigit maybe something really briny like Ardbeg

  • @67Spectre
    @67Spectre Před 3 lety +4444

    Greg manages to spill every pour of 60-year, single-barrel, rarer than hen's teeth liquor in his slow pours, but when it comes to Campbell's Beef Broth, he manages to get every...last...drop.

    • @monoyamono
      @monoyamono Před 3 lety +124

      I was also laughing about that

    • @vishnurodondo4200
      @vishnurodondo4200 Před 3 lety +84

      I’m dead , the way you worded that was perfect 😂😂😂😂😂

    • @Azaghal1988
      @Azaghal1988 Před 3 lety +13

      truth!

    • @Nibtarr
      @Nibtarr Před 3 lety +16

      CZcams comments are the best, don't @ me

    • @linkholder
      @linkholder Před 3 lety +29

      @@Nibtarr.

  • @EndyHawk
    @EndyHawk Před 2 lety +817

    As a DM, it is good to occasionally research the depths of evil.

    • @derekstein6193
      @derekstein6193 Před 2 lety +33

      I'm not 100% sure, but I swear I found the Smoker's Cough referenced somewhere in the 3.5e Book of Vile Darkness.
      But then again, even evil has standards...

    • @RRVCrinale
      @RRVCrinale Před rokem +11

      Nat 1. You piss off the bartender so much he decides to mix you a, ahem, "house signature." Blind CON check to not look stupid in front of the whole tavern.

    • @rustyshackle8000
      @rustyshackle8000 Před rokem +3

      Having the villain burn down the starting village? Boring, trite, overdone.
      Having the villain serve the party Beef Fizz? THAT'S how you get across someone being evil

  • @KittyConnie5
    @KittyConnie5 Před 3 lety +2769

    As a pregnant woman I’ve been dealing with nausea all day, desperately hoping for the relief of finally being able to vomit. Watching you drink your dog food juice finally did it. Saving the rest of the video for when the nausea hits me again. Thanks!

  • @phorcep
    @phorcep Před 3 lety +2956

    Find someone who commits to you the way Greg commits to buying 33 cans of condensed beef broth so he can make a single vile cursed cocktail for our entertainment.

  • @diamondflaw
    @diamondflaw Před 3 lety +2745

    To be fair, I think all food from the 70s is supposed to be combined with a significant dose of diazepam and cocaine.

  • @AutumnIsNigh
    @AutumnIsNigh Před 2 lety +634

    If I've learned one thing from Dylan Hollis, it's that if it's a recipe from the 60s or 70s there's a very high chance it's absolutely vile

    • @blakksheep736
      @blakksheep736 Před 2 lety +62

      Especially if its labelled as a salad but uses gelatin.

    • @peggedyourdad9560
      @peggedyourdad9560 Před rokem +30

      @@blakksheep736 The only acceptable instance is if you’re making a fruit salad in gelatin, because I can see that being good. Think a citrus salad in jello or some mixed berries in gelatin, those could maybe work. But anything else, yeah that shit belongs in hell lol.

    • @dbone3356
      @dbone3356 Před rokem +10

      There's an equally high chance that it's surprisingly good.

  • @devilslamp7306
    @devilslamp7306 Před 3 lety +903

    This man, who can't get all 1.5 oz of liquor into any drink without spilling half of it, didn't waste a drop of that beef broth.

    • @romanbukins6527
      @romanbukins6527 Před 3 lety +4

      That is a very nice OC profile tag :)

    • @jaimemunoz5920
      @jaimemunoz5920 Před 2 lety

      Are you pony HAP? Dr. Percy?

    • @devilslamp7306
      @devilslamp7306 Před 2 lety +1

      @@jaimemunoz5920 what? I don't know who that is, so I guess not.

    • @jaimemunoz5920
      @jaimemunoz5920 Před 2 lety +4

      @@devilslamp7306 Hunter Aloysius Percy aka Hap is the villain from the Netflix original TV show The OA. And you have his name. That was the joke I was making.

    • @devilslamp7306
      @devilslamp7306 Před 2 lety +3

      @@jaimemunoz5920 ah. I saw a few episodes but I must have stopped watching before a villain showed up. Carry on, then.

  • @leadfoot323
    @leadfoot323 Před 3 lety +212

    "Thick raft of curds."
    Yeah, that's the worst thing I've heard today.

  • @giovannialoisio4523
    @giovannialoisio4523 Před 3 lety +729

    "The lemon doesn't wanna be part of the drink, it's rebelling"
    Honestly can you blame it

  • @dreamwolf7302
    @dreamwolf7302 Před 3 lety +566

    Beef Fizz, it took a bit of digging, but yeah, it was supposed to be one of those 'health drinks' that were popular in the 70s. It was supposed to repress your appetite.
    Seems like it works.

    • @Mitwadus
      @Mitwadus Před 2 lety +33

      See. I think with the vitamins in the beef concentrate, the flatness of the Ginger ale and the actual ginger in the ale, it could work as something to help a drinker revitalize themselves.

    • @raccoonking7566
      @raccoonking7566 Před 2 lety +12

      Dude, just do cocaine.... it's the 70s, just do cocaine my dude....
      Probably better for your health in the end btw...

    • @aquamarinerose5405
      @aquamarinerose5405 Před 2 lety +21

      Honestly I thought about the same thing, kinda like how the host even said "is this some kinda health drink?"
      Beef Broth in the form of a Drink just sounded like someone desperately trying to make something "healthy"

    • @jenniferstrover1276
      @jenniferstrover1276 Před rokem +4

      That makes sense. I was thinking that, knowing how much my grandma smoked, and how much cocktail kit she had, it's probably full of salt for people who've killed all their taste buds.

    • @cinnamonrollypoly
      @cinnamonrollypoly Před 11 měsíci +2

      If you wanted to suppress your appetite, just drink some vinegar., Lol.

  • @gerrycarmichael1391
    @gerrycarmichael1391 Před 2 lety +91

    December of 2021 Campbell's soup introduced a series of what they call "brothtails". They include the Thai Chicken Negroni, the Mushroom Truffle Daiquiri, the Pork Ramen Mezcal Margareta and the Pho Bourbon Sour. Sounds like your next episode of cursed cocktails to me!

  • @kelzbelz313
    @kelzbelz313 Před 3 lety +442

    These drinks are perfect for when you’re throwing a party for people you hate.

    • @lazyperfectionist3978
      @lazyperfectionist3978 Před 3 lety +20

      honestly, if I wanted to tie someone up in my basement and torture them to death, forget the rusty implements to forcibly remove teeth and toenails, I'm making them chug those drinks and not give them any food or water to cleanse their palates

    • @brennanclose
      @brennanclose Před 3 lety +4

      lock the doors and burn it down

    • @zxzulu
      @zxzulu Před 3 lety +3

      ...and you're about to announce the successor to your vast wealth...but wait till they've finished before saying it all goes to the dog.

  • @HuragokSlayer
    @HuragokSlayer Před 3 lety +621

    "Disregard- the broth has found a home."
    My disappointment is unimaginable and my day is ruined.

    • @DjurrenArt
      @DjurrenArt Před 3 lety

      @@psyberian probably not found where he buys his groceries i guess

    • @Astavyastataa
      @Astavyastataa Před 3 lety +9

      psyberian he said condensed beef broth specifically though.

    • @jodammerungii6134
      @jodammerungii6134 Před 3 lety +4

      @@psyberian lots of sick people buying broth is ny guess

    • @ChrisBlagdonIsABoss
      @ChrisBlagdonIsABoss Před 3 lety +4

      immeasurable*.

    • @nauthizzz
      @nauthizzz Před 3 lety +7

      @@psyberian Condensed beef broth is different than beef broth. Which is probably why it was so salty, since you're supposed to add water to make stock, not just use it straight out of the can.

  • @GnomePickles
    @GnomePickles Před 2 lety +185

    The smokers cough had me begging him no. You have a life, a child, care for yourself sir. Your life is worth living.

  • @DrDeFord
    @DrDeFord Před rokem +32

    I’m always impressed at the professionalism of giving tasting notes beyond “holy crap this is awful; why do I do this to myself?”

  • @chrisalan5610
    @chrisalan5610 Před 3 lety +362

    "in the heart of the 1970's..."
    Dear God that's food wasteland, it's not safe to go alone. Take this Tom Collins to protect you

    • @PassTheMarmalade1957
      @PassTheMarmalade1957 Před 3 lety +12

      I freaking love going through 70's cookbooks and finding some unholy combination of bananas and bell peppers or chicken livers and mango, because new imported foods are emerging on the market, but we're also experiencing a serious comedown from the 60's as we transition into the hard-drinking, chain-smoking, cocaine rat race of the 80's.

  • @chunkybacon5724
    @chunkybacon5724 Před 3 lety +497

    The one dislike is from a civilized, successful human being, who has a family and will probably die happy

    • @alech9418
      @alech9418 Před 3 lety +13

      Not after watching this.

    • @bandofthebayou1401
      @bandofthebayou1401 Před 3 lety +4

      I heard of some people making bots with their sole purpose being to dislike videos as soon as a video is uploaded. Heard of someone doing it just so no one would have the satisfaction of being the first dislike.

    • @porkins93
      @porkins93 Před 3 lety +2

      There aren't more than 20 of those right now.

    • @chunkybacon5724
      @chunkybacon5724 Před 3 lety

      Cody Smock that’s because we like watching a man drink condensed beef broth, curdled milk with beer, and two spoonfuls of mayonnaise

    • @porkins93
      @porkins93 Před 3 lety +2

      @@chunkybacon5724 better than being kink shamed.

  • @mirigolde8502
    @mirigolde8502 Před 3 lety +77

    If you ever go back for more cursed cocktails, there's some gems out there. My favorite, worst thing I've ever tasted was Gorilla Sweat - 2oz tequila, 6oz hot water, 1 tsp butter, 3 cloves and a punch of salt, heated and stirred until the butter melts with a cinnamon stick for garnish - truly foul. It tastes like wringing out a gym sock.

    • @sarahng5191
      @sarahng5191 Před rokem +11

      why would anyone do that, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

    • @MScotty90
      @MScotty90 Před rokem +14

      Bro what the fuck

  • @kryptofreak4059
    @kryptofreak4059 Před 3 lety +172

    Greg: I'm gonna put mayo in jagermeister
    Me: I shouldn't be eating dinner right now

  • @ok23333
    @ok23333 Před 3 lety +64

    Truly the Edgar Allen Poe of bartenders, both in terms of prose and the terrors you've unleashed on my screen.

  • @Jahavasaud
    @Jahavasaud Před 3 lety +135

    His eyes looked so alive at the start.
    His eyes looked so dead at the end.

  • @Green_Shift
    @Green_Shift Před 2 lety +55

    I don’t drink but watching you mix that smoker’s cough made me realize that *I didn’t need to drink to know what that tasted like.*

  • @lauracatania5063
    @lauracatania5063 Před 2 lety +53

    I can watch almost any horror movie but that Smoker’s cough concoction made me cover my eyes

  • @aidanfarnan4683
    @aidanfarnan4683 Před 3 lety +283

    The Cement Mixer: one shot Bailey's, one shot lemon juice, served in separate glasses and " churned" by gargling them together in the mouth before swallowing.
    We have strayed from the sight of God

    • @chestbumphero
      @chestbumphero Před 3 lety +17

      Who in gods name thought this was a good idea?!

    • @tomdupree2758
      @tomdupree2758 Před 3 lety +14

      @@chestbumphero I have no idea, but it was a thing you tried to trick people into doing (once) when I was growing up.

    • @lilybruggeman9634
      @lilybruggeman9634 Před 3 lety +3

      Cement mixers here are 3 shots of vodka in a litre of milk.

    • @minerbean
      @minerbean Před 3 lety +5

      We discovered this accidentally in high school when my friend mixed Bailey's with soda and forgot it for awhile. Obviously we made more so everyone could try it. Would not recommend

    • @connorthornberg
      @connorthornberg Před 3 lety +8

      This one is actually kind of fun, especially if you don't know what's coming. Follow it up by chugging a pint of Guinness (yes, Guinness).

  • @Joemetheus
    @Joemetheus Před 3 lety +1439

    Obtuse, Rubber Goose, Green Moose, Guava Juice
    Something’s off, Smoker’s Cough,
    Beef Fizz, Horse Jizz?!?

  • @mrziiz6893
    @mrziiz6893 Před 2 lety +15

    That first drink is something you’d find being made for a celebration a while after a complete apocalypse. Like you wanna celebrate but you’re stuck with the random preserved foods and stale ginger ale you can scavenge.

  • @DrewZaun
    @DrewZaun Před 3 lety +70

    When I was a child, I once brought home a report card with all D’s and F’s on it. The feeling I had in my soul when I heard my father’s car pull in the driveway that evening is how I felt watching Greg steel himself for the smokers cough...

  • @Ka05Incarnate
    @Ka05Incarnate Před 3 lety +1489

    The Smoker's Cough apparently is how you summon the spirit of Donald Duck to possess you briefly.

    • @Nitro1000
      @Nitro1000 Před 3 lety +37

      I was looking for this comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @flamewolf2936
      @flamewolf2936 Před 2 lety +6

      Hahaha

    • @anonanon1004
      @anonanon1004 Před 2 lety +33

      then straight into Alex Jones possessing him

    • @Rellyks
      @Rellyks Před 2 lety +25

      I thought he was gonna explode in plumage and sailors clothes.

    • @KumaKaori
      @KumaKaori Před 2 lety +6

      I read this comment before he quaffed it, and, Yeah, accurate!

  • @LidellFrasier
    @LidellFrasier Před 3 lety +162

    "I have nothing to rinse my mouth with!", said Greg, completely disregarding the shelves of strong spirits that would easily overtake the awful beef taste.

    • @BlooCollaGal
      @BlooCollaGal Před 3 lety +6

      Overtake, or combine with?

    • @craigbryant9925
      @craigbryant9925 Před 3 lety +4

      The whole time I'm staring at the bottle of Cold Brew, no idea what's to come.

  • @jelsner5077
    @jelsner5077 Před 3 lety +60

    I remember seeing a 1970s tv show where a character was asked what they wanted to drink and they anwered "scotch and milk." The laugh track went crazy.

  • @nobodyfromnowwhere7510
    @nobodyfromnowwhere7510 Před 2 lety +160

    I really like the episodes like this and "The customer is always wrong."
    I hope you do more of both.

  • @PhantomSavage
    @PhantomSavage Před 3 lety +324

    *sees title in notification*
    OH GOD
    *clicks*

  • @TheOneMiffy92
    @TheOneMiffy92 Před 3 lety +211

    Cursed Cocktails - Part One.
    **PART. ONE.**
    Greg, jesus - nobody's forcing you to do this. Unless they are.
    Are they, Greg? Blink twice if they are.

  • @steel8231
    @steel8231 Před 3 lety +41

    I knew a guy in college who only drank what he called a Scylla, Kraken spiced rum in Mtn Dew. I thought that was cursed until I saw this.

    • @jedimasterjoe5386
      @jedimasterjoe5386 Před rokem +1

      That sounds good

    • @isetta4083
      @isetta4083 Před rokem

      That still sounds atrocious

    • @steel8231
      @steel8231 Před rokem

      @@isetta4083 I tried it... not terrible if you do like 2oz rum in a whole 16oz bottle of soda.

    • @nickmessner700
      @nickmessner700 Před rokem

      I actually quite like Kraken. I made what I called a blue ringed octopus with Calypso blue lemonade. It was a great " I'm a 21 year old douchebag" drink.

  • @doneson1717
    @doneson1717 Před 2 lety +169

    "Does it taste like a smokers cough?"
    "I mean, yeah. Like if a smoker, hucked a loogie right in your throat."
    I'm fuckin dead 😂😭😂😭😂😭😂

  • @bobthetitan1
    @bobthetitan1 Před 3 lety +362

    A friend of mine makes one he calls “The College Experience” with ramen broth, light beer and (optionally) the tears of someone who just got a 35 on an exam

    • @BlooCollaGal
      @BlooCollaGal Před 3 lety +24

      I made ramen with beer instead of water one time. It wasn't great but I'm still alive

    • @dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668
      @dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668 Před 3 lety +10

      @@BlooCollaGal "Wasn't great" can also mean "Isn't bad"

    • @riograndedosulball248
      @riograndedosulball248 Před 3 lety +2

      I can provide those additional tears once college class returns

    • @SilvaDreams
      @SilvaDreams Před 3 lety +7

      @@dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668 I have had someone mean to get hot water from our "cappuccino" machine (basically just flavored powder mixes with some instant coffee and hot chocolates) and instead of putting water in their beef cup-o-noodles they put hot chocolate in it. They were broke and short on time so they ate it..... Apparently it wasn't that bad, I just took their word on it.

  • @WolfysEyes
    @WolfysEyes Před 3 lety +142

    "Why am I doing this?!"
    Because the CZcams algorithm abides, if I had to guess.
    That was grimly entertaining, but honestly, don't rush on making volume 2.

  • @harpodjangorose9696
    @harpodjangorose9696 Před 2 lety +40

    If Horse Jizz has an origin, I would go to Steinbeck’s “Canery Row” for it.
    Doc got the idea of beer float stuck in his head. After getting pissed at a hitchhiker he ordered one in a diner. Just milk, not ice cream.

    • @drystofiscalio7545
      @drystofiscalio7545 Před 2 lety +3

      Holy shit you right, forgot about that book, read it in high school. Beer milkshake

  • @JollyGGiant
    @JollyGGiant Před 2 lety +32

    This episode is a gold mine of “How to Drink out of context”

  • @Ahmenthi
    @Ahmenthi Před 3 lety +517

    Everyone: Jaeger and mayo is a bad idea.
    Greg: I'm gonna do it but I only have coffee Jaeger.
    Hopefully the algorithm gods reward your bravery.

  • @zachdressing
    @zachdressing Před 3 lety +334

    Power Aid:
    * 1 Shot of Blue Raspberry Snowcone flavoring
    * Fill the rest of the glass with vodka

  • @microcomputermaster
    @microcomputermaster Před 3 lety +65

    There is a real beer and milk cocktail, under the less-NSFW name of "Bilk"! A Japanese brewery invented it in 2007.

    • @bardofboars7226
      @bardofboars7226 Před 2 lety +3

      Was it any good?

    • @cyberpunk-2O77
      @cyberpunk-2O77 Před 2 lety +1

      It was pulled off the shelves wasn't it

    • @Gutsknife
      @Gutsknife Před rokem +3

      Reminds me of the unholy Reddit creations of Peggnog and Pilk.. Pepsi eggnog and milk respectively 😭

  • @djdrack4681
    @djdrack4681 Před 3 lety +92

    OK. the Scooter/Delta Tau joke was an Aqua Teen drop: Give this guy a damn medal for most hilarious left field joke ever.

    • @bananawolf2304
      @bananawolf2304 Před rokem +1

      I had to double check that I heard that. So good!

    • @djdrack4681
      @djdrack4681 Před rokem +1

      @@bananawolf2304 "that carpet really brought the room together"

    • @bananawolf2304
      @bananawolf2304 Před rokem +1

      @@djdrack4681 they got good burgers there, Walter.

  • @MrBangBat
    @MrBangBat Před 3 lety +626

    my wife is a sympathetic vomiter and nearly lost it during this episode.

    • @melvinmerkelhopper5752
      @melvinmerkelhopper5752 Před 3 lety +40

      "Sympathetic vomiter" is something new.

    • @InfernalBanana
      @InfernalBanana Před 3 lety +25

      I’m not, but can have a pretty bad gag reflex, and I almost threw up watching this, especially when he got to the Smoker’s Cough.

    • @theblobfish9614
      @theblobfish9614 Před 3 lety +3

      Jackass Camera guy must be one too

    • @tenshis8744
      @tenshis8744 Před 3 lety +2

      Is your wife Bruton Gaster?

    • @tenshis8744
      @tenshis8744 Před 3 lety +1

      @Babou Pastafangu Probably M C Clap Your Handz (with a z)

  • @Anaguma79
    @Anaguma79 Před 3 lety +346

    Greg, you may need this. A friend of mine invented a drink in college called the Pink Panther:
    1 part vodka
    1 part Pepto
    He was Belorussian. And very drunk at the time.

    • @ryuk202
      @ryuk202 Před 3 lety +50

      He didnt invent it. I have heard of this abomination many times from different college parties that went on too long.
      Its to forget your childhood and wake up without an upset stomach.

    • @chillsash
      @chillsash Před 3 lety +20

      Us Belarussians are truly crazy ngl.
      A friend of mine(also a Belarussian) also invented a drink in college:
      1 part Hazelnut Soplica
      1 part milk
      And it's actually pretty good

    • @Cheforeno
      @Cheforeno Před 3 lety +2

      This Pink panter you speek of is a swedish stapel. For The people just starting to drink at a bar. I have saken up way to meny.

    • @Cheforeno
      @Cheforeno Před 3 lety

      it is made with Milk vodka and licure 43 and grenadin

    • @blueisasomedancer
      @blueisasomedancer Před 3 lety +7

      Friend of mine once mixed grenadine, a Pina colada mix and rum together and it turned the same color and texture of Pepto bismol and it was deeply unsettling to watch him drink.

  • @Subarashii_Nem
    @Subarashii_Nem Před 3 lety +17

    "For science I'm gonna keep drinking!" are words I have uttered when I REALLY should have stopped drinking.. I see you are the same!

    • @mistertaz94
      @mistertaz94 Před 2 lety +1

      Ah a fellow chem engineer major

  • @The5lacker
    @The5lacker Před 2 lety +15

    The slow-motion close shot of the beef broth can was truly a surreal experience.

  • @TF2BluSoldier
    @TF2BluSoldier Před 3 lety +103

    CURSED COCKTAILS
    VOLUME ONE
    *happy jazz*

  • @ryancarter2959
    @ryancarter2959 Před 3 lety +74

    This could easily be renamed “the sacrifices Greg makes for his fans”

  • @DeeMolition
    @DeeMolition Před 3 lety +12

    A someone who remembers the 1970's, I'd say that Lovecraftian horrors fit perfectly with recipes of that era.

  • @Bjornvetr
    @Bjornvetr Před 3 lety +14

    Greg: "Oh my God: this is literally the worst thing in the whole cosmos. Please, daemon sultan Azathoth, stop blaspheming and bubbling amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin, monotonous whine of accursed flutes, and wake up from that inconceivable dream we mortals call Reality, so that I may stop tasting beef broth in my horrified mouth. Thank you."
    Two seconds later: *takes another sip*

  • @rufusjustrufus8213
    @rufusjustrufus8213 Před 3 lety +122

    "For Science, I'm going to keep drinking." - Greg
    "WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!" - Dr. Weird

    • @chronosorion6911
      @chronosorion6911 Před 3 lety +2

      He was too busy asking if it could be done, that he never stopped to ask if it should be done.

  • @michaelray4033
    @michaelray4033 Před 3 lety +369

    I don't even drink, but this is entertaining as all get out.

    • @RogueShadowTCN
      @RogueShadowTCN Před 3 lety +4

      Yeah, I don't drink either, I just watch for the pours.

    • @crimsonsphinx2913
      @crimsonsphinx2913 Před 3 lety +1

      @@RogueShadowTCN same my dude

    • @phorcep
      @phorcep Před 3 lety +3

      I used to drink and now I don’t after watching this.

    • @sdcorrey
      @sdcorrey Před 3 lety +6

      Greg's drinking so you don't have to, at least with these drinks.

    • @Jestrath
      @Jestrath Před 3 lety +2

      I honestly wanted to try to make some of the drinks but some of the ingredients are pretty niche. I might have to pick a good subset to make.

  • @TomMSTie1138
    @TomMSTie1138 Před 3 lety +20

    All these cocktails look/seem more like a handover cures, like a prairie oyster.
    Please do more of these, this was hilarious!

  • @OllamhProductions
    @OllamhProductions Před 3 lety +35

    Oof, that sheen on the forehead really shows how much you're struggling at the end. I mean some people will think you're acting, but you just can't fake that level of detail.

  • @daddyhadrian
    @daddyhadrian Před 3 lety +158

    "it should be layered- well no, it shouldn't exist at really, but if it MUST exist it should be layered" I CANNOT DEAL W THE ABSOLUTE DISGUST IN HIS VOICE IM CRYJGNGFJDJX 😭😭

    • @BlooCollaGal
      @BlooCollaGal Před 3 lety +1

      Honestly if he wanted it layered he'd have poured the milk first. Then he'd have a beer with cheese curds floating up from the milk layer

  • @66darkman66
    @66darkman66 Před 3 lety +72

    "I didn't leave anything to rinse my mouth out here," as he says, in a room with more than 10 beverages on display

    • @MrSplic3r
      @MrSplic3r Před 3 lety +19

      Yeah, but chugging warm liquor to forget something isn't "rinsing out your mouth", it's "rinsing out your brain"

  • @MurcuryEntertainment
    @MurcuryEntertainment Před 3 lety +11

    Please consider: alcoholic soup, for when you need to get in a bare knuckle back alley brawl with a cold.

  • @williamreely3455
    @williamreely3455 Před 2 lety +3

    HOLY CRAP. "Beef Fizz" was in an old recipe book my Czech great grandmother passed down to her kids. We found it when cleaning out my grandparents old house. What an insane way to be reminded of such an obscure memory.

  • @AWACS_Snowblind
    @AWACS_Snowblind Před 3 lety +45

    Did-
    _did we just see a b-roll slow-motion opening of a can of beef broth?_
    I didn't know I needed that off my bucket list, there it goes

  • @dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668

    Pour some scotch in a glass and whisper "MacBeth" into it
    Then stir

    • @kellenoconnor4396
      @kellenoconnor4396 Před 3 lety +29

      just make sure you're not in a theatre

    • @mikewinans5091
      @mikewinans5091 Před 3 lety +11

      Why would you name the Scottish play like that?! Truly a cursed cocktail if ever I’ve seen one

    • @paulbrozyna3006
      @paulbrozyna3006 Před 3 lety +4

      Hot potato, Orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends!

  • @MrDiesel237
    @MrDiesel237 Před 3 lety +2

    I know Greg will never see this, but him suffering through this episode has left me positively giddy, which is saying something since I have severe clinical depression. Thank you so much you wonderful, wonderful masochist. Please know I appreciate and adore you for what you put yourself through.

    • @howtodrink
      @howtodrink  Před 3 lety +2

      Why wouldn’t I see it? And thanks!

  • @brianmontgomery4649
    @brianmontgomery4649 Před 2 lety +3

    The pure amount of 'That's what she said...' in this episode. It is miraculous.

  • @amanwithdope
    @amanwithdope Před 3 lety +252

    Two more cursed drinks:
    The Hot Hooker:
    The water from a can of tuna shaken with a shot of tequila and a dash of hot sauce.
    The Red Vine:
    1/2 jaeger.
    1/4 balsamic vinegar.
    1/4 simple syrup.
    It kinda tastes like a red vine, I swear.

    • @BlooCollaGal
      @BlooCollaGal Před 3 lety +60

      The Red Vine actually doesn't sound too bad. I've reported you to the ATF for the Hot Hooker

    • @thiagotrentin7343
      @thiagotrentin7343 Před 3 lety +19

      That is an offense to all hookers in the world.

    • @NoZenith
      @NoZenith Před 3 lety

      Ooohhh

    • @rustyshackleford6693
      @rustyshackleford6693 Před 3 lety +2

      First one sounds pretty good

    • @gabimurray5955
      @gabimurray5955 Před 3 lety +1

      To be fair it was originally called hot Mexican hooker

  • @calistianzathos7910
    @calistianzathos7910 Před 3 lety +141

    "I just need to fit it all in my mouth, I just need to fit it all in my mouth"
    "I'M DRINKING HORSE JIZZ!"
    Very Interesting out of context quotes there

  • @Fyrmer
    @Fyrmer Před 3 lety +6

    Feels like Greg was channeling Jack Black for that opening.

  • @WonkyOctopus
    @WonkyOctopus Před rokem +2

    You're a true trooper sir. I can't say I'd have the mettle to follow through with all those. My respect.

  • @BarTalkCocktails
    @BarTalkCocktails Před 3 lety +46

    Hey Greg. You are brave my friend. I had to spit the Smoker's Cough out. Not to mention you had the coffee notes in there as well.
    Believe it or not there’s much worse out there. Try the Infected Whitehead. Kinda like the Smoker’s Cough but with tomato juice and cottage cheese…man the 70’s were a weird time for cocktails. I know cause that’s when I started bartending. Excellent episode. Had me laughing pretty hard. Haven’t tried the Beef Fizz. May have to add that one to the wheel. Keep doing what you do and thanks so much for the shout out! Good luck on round 2 if you so dare! Oh and big congrats on 1 million! Cheers from Canada.

    • @stephane.foisy.186
      @stephane.foisy.186 Před 3 lety +7

      Ah there's Bruce. Better the viewer than the participant :D.

  • @puddingwife
    @puddingwife Před 3 lety +262

    "This one's better than Beef Fizz..." well, it's not a high hurdle

    • @rebel4466
      @rebel4466 Před 3 lety +10

      He should have tried fizzing the broth in his soda maker. More fizz = more... Something!

    • @blamedsolid
      @blamedsolid Před 3 lety +6

      you mean: not a high curdle

    • @ImADeity
      @ImADeity Před 3 lety

      You know a beef fizz is not where the bar is

  • @matthewmcclain8273
    @matthewmcclain8273 Před 3 lety +36

    A few years ago, I mixed a brutal drink of my own devising. I called it "Blackout".
    8 oz. Coca-Cola or Pibb
    2 oz. Jack Daniel's Honey
    2 oz. Jack Daniel's classic
    4 oz. The Kraken
    2 oz. Vodka
    Mix the alcohol into the soda, slug it down, and promptly pass out.

    • @angelwhispers2060
      @angelwhispers2060 Před 2 lety +4

      Looks great actually.... Might skip the vodka. Thanks

    • @N3onDr1v3
      @N3onDr1v3 Před 2 lety +6

      That sounds like a good time! You might not remember it, but it was great

  • @Parapsychotic89
    @Parapsychotic89 Před 2 lety

    I absolutely love the amount of extra that was put into that opening! Yours is still one of my favorite channels on CZcams!

  • @rookie5240
    @rookie5240 Před 3 lety +171

    something weird to note: the beef fizz ingredients, broth and ginger ale, are both 'sickroom foods', things that are supposed to be good and nourishing for invalids, especially in an old timey way. tho they're supposed to be easy to keep down when you're nauseous, which combining them must negate....

    • @NoahIsNeon
      @NoahIsNeon Před 3 lety +12

      Must have been a sick man's drink and that would explain why there's no alcohol in it

    • @commentsiguess1263
      @commentsiguess1263 Před 3 lety +5

      That drink probably makes people sick.

    • @tremor230
      @tremor230 Před 3 lety +16

      Maybe a "day after" drink, for when you wake up hangover the day after a night partying and you need a "corpse reviver " 🤣

    • @SilvaDreams
      @SilvaDreams Před 3 lety +3

      To be fair 1970's soups and stuff were a lot better than modern ones, they turned into some utter salt bombs.

    • @ImADeity
      @ImADeity Před 3 lety

      Beef Fizz gives me nightmares

  • @mattallbritton8597
    @mattallbritton8597 Před 3 lety +57

    "I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is Beef Fizz" summed this up so perfectly and hilariously. Never let it be said you're unwilling to go the extra mile for the fans.

  • @Formoka
    @Formoka Před rokem +2

    I was having a bad day but this made me feel like I could be having a worse one. Thanks for cheering me up.

  • @karpcrossing7192
    @karpcrossing7192 Před 3 lety +1

    ‘DISREGARD - THE BROTH HAS FOUND A HOME.’ Has just jumped up my list of ‘foreboding phrases out of context’

  • @spudd86
    @spudd86 Před 3 lety +437

    I feel like you could make a decent cocktail called "The Smoker's Cough", something based on a very smokey Scotch.

    • @joshuarose1381
      @joshuarose1381 Před 3 lety +31

      An islay scotch with drambuie and ginger beer with some bitters like a combination rusty nail and highball

    • @jonmeyrick
      @jonmeyrick Před 3 lety +26

      Greg, you name to reclaim all these drink names! Good luck with Horse Jizz.

    • @dylanvickers7953
      @dylanvickers7953 Před 3 lety +11

      Yeah like a Laphroaig has a very medicinal note, something like that with maybe squid ink, I think it should have an uneven black color. Maybe down the vein of a penicillin but instead of floating you just use 2 full ounces and add the saline and umami from squid ink float/dashes??

    • @xanmax9580
      @xanmax9580 Před 3 lety

      Dylan Vickers 🤯

    • @grouchypseudopod354
      @grouchypseudopod354 Před 3 lety +3

      I like a brimstone (a bourbon (maybe just an American whiskey someone will probably correct me?) smoked with peat and scrubb oak? old fashioned w/ Chipotle simple, does that count as a smoker's cough?

  • @Vackret
    @Vackret Před 3 lety +144

    I’ve always heard that the 70’s and 80’s were the “Dark Ages of Mixed Drinks”. But I was thinking of ultrasweet, neon-colored blender drinks and layered shots. Certainly not this...

    • @melody3741
      @melody3741 Před 3 lety +21

      They made fucking spaghettio gelatin so not surprised

    • @CGold113
      @CGold113 Před 3 lety +8

      Not like this
      Not like this...

    • @MrTheMighty
      @MrTheMighty Před 3 lety +2

      Yeah! Yeah, same! I... I didn't know what they meant by it. Just... yeesh.

    • @fabrisse7469
      @fabrisse7469 Před 3 lety +5

      @stockart whiteman it is amazing what people will put into Jello.

    • @chestbumphero
      @chestbumphero Před 3 lety +4

      stockart whiteman had to look it up, pretty sure my Italian blood friend would dry heave into a bucket if she saw that

  • @LordRunolfrUlfsson
    @LordRunolfrUlfsson Před 2 lety +2

    I don't know how many times I've watched this, but it never gets old!

  • @Ashannon888
    @Ashannon888 Před 2 lety +1

    The out of contexts quotes in this episode are amazing. "This is the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth" just after drinking something called Horse Jizz.

  • @KasranFox
    @KasranFox Před 3 lety +55

    his eyes have no light in them by the end

  • @anakinligman3715
    @anakinligman3715 Před 3 lety +365

    Next time, try a concrete mixer:
    A shot of Kahlua and a shot of lime juice, swish them around in your mouth until the Kahlua has curdled. It tastes like key lime pie, but the texture is honestly cursed

    • @stugod5000
      @stugod5000 Před 3 lety +32

      baileys and lemon juice also works

    • @casualspawnpeeking3680
      @casualspawnpeeking3680 Před 3 lety +25

      That sounds indescribably foul

    • @icalexander
      @icalexander Před 3 lety +10

      Ewwww no! Anything that curdles something is just wrong.

    • @anakinligman3715
      @anakinligman3715 Před 3 lety +1

      @@casualspawnpeeking3680 I'm told it tastes very good

    • @42Fossy
      @42Fossy Před 3 lety +19

      As a very texture-sensitive person, especially when it clashes against good flavor, that sounds like an actual nightmare.

  • @jadet-g1486
    @jadet-g1486 Před 2 lety

    Had one of the most grueling days in recent memory today but I always know I'm alright when I come back to this video and can still crack a smile. First time I saw it I nearly pissed myself laughing. this is still top notch.

  • @joshuazaremba935
    @joshuazaremba935 Před rokem

    Greg, you are a pure gem. Please don't ever change.

  • @adams3627
    @adams3627 Před 3 lety +31

    In this episode, Greg takes several years off his life!

  • @flynn556603
    @flynn556603 Před 3 lety +31

    The Beef Fizz seems like a version on the Prairie Oyster that was invented by an Arby's employee coming back to work after a two week bender.

    • @kevek42
      @kevek42 Před 3 lety +3

      pretty sure that arby's employees can show up to work sloshed out of their minds and still be more sober than anyone who gets food there

  • @Ozeec2
    @Ozeec2 Před rokem

    How did I miss this gem of a video! Cheers mate you really went all in for us viewers!

  • @combustiblelemon3992
    @combustiblelemon3992 Před 2 lety +1

    I just bought too much food before I sat down to watch this, lost my appetite immediately. Thanks for being a good dieting aid!

  • @matthewdunzello7568
    @matthewdunzello7568 Před 3 lety +237

    Merch Idea: sell your ICONIC red plaid shirt with a subtle "HTD" ("ahrange"?) stitching on the pocket. I'm not a brand guy but would be more than happy to rep the channel.

    • @JHunterLee
      @JHunterLee Před 3 lety +22

      As a connoisseur of fine plaid shirts I would absolutely buy that

    • @Tar0B0I
      @Tar0B0I Před 3 lety +10

      @@JHunterLee I'm gonna be honest, yea I'd buy an HTD red flannel

    • @CMB2310
      @CMB2310 Před 3 lety +2

      Guess I'd get one too.

    • @Stybbmaizter
      @Stybbmaizter Před 3 lety +3

      I'd buy that

    • @OlderAustin
      @OlderAustin Před 3 lety +3

      I'd buy that too

  • @persassybedammed
    @persassybedammed Před 3 lety +43

    NOW THIS IS QUALITY CONTENT 2020 IS SAVED

  • @jonathanwalls6760
    @jonathanwalls6760 Před 3 lety +1

    I'm here to formally request more episodes of this because I enjoyed watching your pain and also your other content is excellent pls and thanks

  • @wcoonradt264
    @wcoonradt264 Před 2 lety +1

    Goes effortlessly from beefy head to horse jizz...good work Greg

  • @RyanneWard
    @RyanneWard Před 3 lety +159

    There's some soundbites here that would be.... interesting out of context

    • @MojaveMuse
      @MojaveMuse Před 3 lety +11

      Hoooorrrssseee jiiiizzzzzz 𝅘𝅥𝅮

    • @NeonSonOfXenon
      @NeonSonOfXenon Před 3 lety +3

      I'm waiting for the inevitable htd CZcams poops

    • @phattyj811
      @phattyj811 Před 3 lety +2

      "close your eyes and really be objective about what's happening in your mouth"

    • @bobby_greene
      @bobby_greene Před 3 lety +3

      6:57

    • @BoiseBubba
      @BoiseBubba Před 3 lety +3

      Also @15:03

  • @jackkardic5151
    @jackkardic5151 Před 3 lety +310

    "This lemon is oddly small and hard."
    Please don't kink shame your fruits.

    • @michelguevara151
      @michelguevara151 Před 3 lety +2

      class comment

    • @Alacard0malley
      @Alacard0malley Před 3 lety

      hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahayouretheworsthahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  • @LEANOVERFLOW
    @LEANOVERFLOW Před 2 lety +1

    Been watching your vids for a little under a week now. I'm really really enjoying the content, it catches my attention and has me locked in literally all video, you can tell you really care for this channel and the drinks you make and you keep up your knowledge. I like how you can explain things about the taste making it relateable and easy to imagine (or remember if you've had it before lol.) ads usually annoy me but that is not the case here, it is well worth 5 seconds - 1 and a half minutes of my time! Keep up the work and keep making unusual drinks as it makes for better content than MAJORITY youtube videos. Definitely have SUBSCRIBED and Liked the video!

  • @Trippingthroughadventures

    6:50 *watch’s him lift glass again* “STOP DRINKING IT !!!” 😂😂😂

  • @nejitentenlee21
    @nejitentenlee21 Před 3 lety +151

    Me:”how cursed can a cocktail actually be?”
    Intro:*can of beef broth being opened*
    Me:”THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU ✝️”

    • @tikkidaddy
      @tikkidaddy Před 3 lety +3

      😂😂😂😂the power of adding water to things condensed and then mixing is recommended...but still...yeah...gimme Jesus...cause you drink any of this stuff...you gon need Father Marin!

  • @murrdock724
    @murrdock724 Před 3 lety +38

    11:26 Horse Jizz slowly turning you into the demon from Ghostbusters. "There is no Greg, there is only Zuul!"

  • @malekadon4833
    @malekadon4833 Před 2 lety

    This is the best video I've seen on your channel so far.