Ep. 113 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- čas přidán 26. 12. 2021
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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, this time out of Bert studio in Los Angeles! Bert shares he's been on a fasting mimicking cleanse diet and shares his incentivized weight loss routine on tour. They go on to discuss at the physique of jacked celebrities like Michael B. Jordan, Chris Pratt, Kumail Nanjiani and how Jason Momoa does it the best way. Bert is excited for his work out with Joe Rogan at the Onnit gym and Tom reminisces about cigarettes. Tom shows Bert the Hard 75 work out and eating plan and Bert pitches 2 Bears Racing and he can't wait to be a pit crew boss. Tome shares his discovery of baby wipes and a mishap he had on the road. The bears check in on Bert's accountabili-buddy, Nadav, and they also really like where Jonah Hill is at in his life. The episode ends on quite a cliff hanger.
tomsegura.com/tour
bertbertbert.com/bertyboytour
store.ymhstudios.com/
/ yourmomshousepodcast - Komedie
Here's an idea. Set Bert's chair in full recline. Everytime he wants to talk he has to do a sit up to talk into the mic. Boom. He'll have a six pack by February 1st.
that and maybe tom will get a word or two in between the many, many sit ups
Lol right that'd be the day.sure would cut down on his talk time.
blah blah Blah Kershner
They should try for a little while on an episode it would be so funny after a few mins when hes worn out from like 200 situps
Genius
Bart: “Leann and I hooked up and I put it down!!!”
Also Bart: “Only missionary and it didn’t last long”
I literally almost peed myself lol 😂
@@jessram5831 did you run too hard? 😂
I doubt Bernard has ever "put it down" in the bedroom.
Watching Bert’s face rebel against him in real time is, quite possibly, the greatest podcast moment ever.
Barf: "I'm being a great dad this week."
Tohm: "how?"
Brant: "I'm actually home with my kids."
"That's what you supposed to do ya dumb motha fucka" - Chris Rock
@@willkretz1571 just keepin it real… ya real DUMB!
Who's Brock?
BEST ENDING EVER!!! Only Bert could give HIMSELF cooties. I thought Bobby Lee was the only one that could do that. Love these guys.
Well which is it? They can’t both be the only ones lol.
@@BWizard1Haha, you got me. i was too lazy to edit after I read how dumb it sounded. Let's just say, Burt is the only white guy who can do it, and Bobby is the only Korean that can.
@@nicholaspowers7393 ahhhhhh racist comments from old nicky WHITE powers 😂
Oh no@@davidfisher4082 !! Did I trigger your hurt feelings?
@@nicholaspowers7393 🤣🤣🤣 that sounds much better
Let’s goooooo it’s Monday everybody have a good week
When I left this morning it was a little cold, but it's gonna get warmer. It's probably gonna get colder again once it gets dark though. You might need a jacket.
Be sure to drink water
@@brannonwalsh676 and watch for waspis
This is the energy I am here for. Have a good one!!!!
So many pods come out of mondaysssss
@@jackkarapetyan2064 Same. Last week in 2021. Make it count!
I never realized how important Nadov’s laugh was to this podcast.
Uh hundred percent!
Thank GOD it was absent.
My favorite laugh track
Paddy's*
Holy shit, YES!😂😁
The last 2 minutes just woke everyone in the house up from me laughing at the hive! How is Bart a real person
He’s so gross 😂
@@Meatwad102 I listen to these with headphones in at work and I dry heave almost every time that pig burps. It is so loud and gross.
Bent is unreal...idk how he survives,he basically got himself a rash from nothing
Well if you put together all the places he puts his finger on/in, you'd get a nice collection of bacteria that'll grow into something Brand can store between his toes to use as an impromptu closer act
How long has it been since Tito Bobo has been around them? Somehow I think his stinky foot rash is to blame.
"I don't know if i can take Benadryl I'm on a cleanse" How is this man alive?
I’d bet it came from his beard or feet, he was playing with both nonstop & kept scratching his nose a lot.
He Mickey Mantled it into existence
Brant: “I know I’m not an alcoholic”…. Also Brandt: “I can’t wait to have a drink, I can’t WAIT to have a drink, I CANNOT WAIT to have a drink!”
Also most of his "panic attack" and "spiraling out" stories are actually withdrawals.
@@JR-rz1br 100% I made this realization a while ago😂
Yeah panic attacks definitely come w withdrawals. But ig no one tells him. 😂
Loss of bladder control can be caused by drinking large amounts of alcohol on a regular basis.
But Bert thinks it's from running. After all, we constantly see athletes piss themselves during a sprint... /s
@@outlawtornuk666 no it’s definitely not a bit
Bert: "I'm coming out as fat"
Also Bert: "why can't I just be on a 700 cal diet forever"
He's out of control. He'll be back on the fat side of the force in 2 weeks.
Yeah, them kale crackers sound delish as F......
This podcast is like a therapy session for Bert. Tom is killing it with the "unconditional positive regard."
Tom and Bernt are true friends. 😭
I feel bad, but I really only say I like bert because Tom says Bert is his best friend.
Tom is an amazing friend that we should all have, but like Burt, don’t deserve
It's funny how much of this podcast is devoted to how much weight either one of them lost or gained while also looking the exact same the entire time.
That part
I understand what youre saying and agree more recently. But if you look back on older podcasts, you can definitely see a significant difference. At least for Tom.
@@KatieMcCrackin I was mostly exaggerating, just McCrackin a joke ya know? I'll just skip over the ad reads AND the random body updates.
Tommy has been getting noticeably more fit since the accident, also shaved and went more grey. Bert looks pretty much the same
Bro I can't with Bert 🤣🤣🤣🤣 the way this podcast ends has me in tears I'm crying
Tom was FLOORED when he realized lmao
1:06:20 is absolutely where he started the allergic reaction 😂
1:11:18 is absolutely where he tickled the allergic reaction 😀
1:12:51 is absolutely when Tom feels Bert's inner struggles at an subconcious level 😀
1:12:56 is absolutely where it all goes downhill 😪
1:04:57
@@SKHYJINX NO WAY BRO
Bert makes me feel like I got my shit together.
This.
@Loroxe Compared to Brent, shit has its shit together. 😆🤣😂
Makes me feel like Ive got it all diapered up
🤣🤣🤣 I didn’t know what it was, but it’s that. I feel the same. I used to think I only pretended to like Burt because Tom likes him, but now I think it’s that-he makes me feel better about myself 🤣🤣🤣
But it’s funny cuase he has money than all of us
Todd, you gotta take Patty with you to LA if this is gonna be a thing. The silence when Brent said he pissed himself on the treadmill was so unfortunate. We need that laugh.
Uh hundred percent
PLESE DONT because all it does is distract and make the show come off as regular Lamestream tv 💩 comedy with their canned laugh tracks
*Paddy
@@davidpowers746 "ON THE SPECTRUM"
@@BubuH-cq6km On the other hand, it really drew me into YMH and amplified the absurdity and the fun. I personally haven't gotten tired of it
I like how Bert says he doesn't know what he's passionate about but has a different hat on like every other podcast.
Solid comment tbh
11 months later but that is because he already explained in an earlier episode that after wearing them a bunch of companies reached out to him and give him hats to wear so he said he wears a new one each time. something about the collegiate ones got to him first just a lil fyi
I can't believe he actually did it, the sunuvabish actually shouted me out. If you or Bert ever want some of the best food in the city lmk. I make sure to know the places that bring value and passion to their food and what they do. Could even curate a food and fun excursion for people based on what they like or want to experience. It would be an honor and a privilege. And it was a pleasure to serve you and your lady.
What's your Instagram? Maybe other people may want to hire you as a foody tour guide. 🙂😉
Follow proto bud and the mommies will come. You got any Moose soup?
Thank you for putting out a pod this holiday week.
Not the same without Patty's famous laughter though, glad Bort acknowledged it lol
🤦🏼♂ they shoot theses a week to a month and a half in advance they have at least 4 just waiting to be aired
Yup. Jewbaka is definitely missed, but this is so cozy and friendly. These boyz looove each other long time!
@@BubuH-cq6km yes we all know they do then a few ahead of time but that's not the point- that doesn't always happen during the holidays as there is no Where My Mom's At posted today 🙄 so keep your attitude to yourself sir 🙄
Did we really just end on Barnt getting a hive from digging on his toe cheese.
At least he took a sniff of it for us
His wife must be the most tolerant woman ever!
He'll be toenail fungi buddies with Diaz soon.
Yes we did! 😆 I hope he broke his diet/cleanse and took the Benadryl.
GO BACK AND HERE THE PRODUCER SAY "THAT ITS F*CKING GROSS!" 😆😆🤢🤣😂
@@Drgluee she's such a Leeann!
“I don’t understand the difference between a diet and an eating disorder” -Brent Chrysler
Honestly, same.
it's so fascinating, we've been watching Bert and Tom's journey through parenthood for many years now and it's great to see! Bert's rejuvenated relation with his girls warms my heart! Truly awesome!
Best wishes to the whole crew, here's to a new year filled with joy!
Cheers!
Bart isn’t as interruptive this episode! Eating uncooked soup has really changed him tor the better
Or it's because he's home and if Leanne hears him interrupting the whole time she's going to yell at him
uncooked? huh?
@@8bitKatwalk he eats soup right out the can
He did say at the beginning of the episode the setting makes him feel less funny.
I thought the same thing! I think it’s the setting for sure!
Nadav’s laugh makes a HUGE difference to the dynamic of the pod
yeah Bert needs a laugh track, otherwise its just an alcoholic talking about he is going to fix it "this time"
two bear one jew laugh
YES without it it's more tolerable to watch for at least 15 minutes
@@hobolion3943 and we love it
I pray these two stay alive and healthy for a long long time. I can tell a difference in Segura’s face already.
“He can do whatever he wants because he grew up in altitude” - Brent
Almost can’t watch it without Native’s laugh. He brings so much to the show
how is bret's guy not laughing at him the whole time? he coated his own face in foot pus and nothin.
Felice Navida is the entire audience and an audience is required.
Why’s his laugh so different on the phone though
How much would this podcast be different if it was just Bert talking to a life-size Tom cutout???
Very different because we wouldn't get Tom's facial expressions or straight look into the camera when Bert says something crazy
Tom's on this show?!?
But hey for those 10 or so words that Tom says….
Y’all exaggerate so much lol
not much
I know everyone already said it but that ending was priceless..wouldn't be the same if it happened to anyone else.
Brett: I've lost so much weight in 5 days.
Also Burnt: This diet mimics fasting
Also Also Bront: *restricts intake to 700 cals a day working out twice a day*
Also Also Also Brent: I'm not hungry I'm just grabbing food.
Brunt: I haven't drank in 30 days.
Also Brand: Actually I partied this past weekend but I'm not gonna drink for a month.
Also also Borp: Well I'm gonna drink at 4 in the morning tomorrow because I'm flying.
Another legendary podcast episode: "The episode that ends with Blart getting a toe fungus rash on his nose".
One of the best podcasts. Never fails.
Bert: "I honestly don't see the difference between an eating disorder and dieting." Fucking classic. I think I could see some sense in this if it were coming from anyone else
From LITERALLY ANYONE else 🤣
In a way it makes even more sense coming from Bert lol. Dieting is just a depressive downswing in his lifelong manic eating disorder.
@@MarlowWhere if nothing else, he is both hilarious and a glutton.
"I kinda was in and out" - the man is a pun machine
Tom is in such a great mood this entire podcast. I love it. I'm not a fan of the chairs aesthetically, but they look comfy. I love these two.
The moment when you realise Paddy O'Jewlahan is vital to the Pod...
canned laughter helps the audience know when the funny is.
That was a pretty rough pod to listen to imo
more like when you realize how much the 💩 bag distracts and takes away from the show cut the lame fake laugh tracks
@@BubuH-cq6km you think native’s laugh is fake?
@@Cyxz666 lol like that It's Always Sunny epi. "OHHH i get it. The laughing tells me that it's funny!" Seriously though the background laughter is gold tho. Cause Nadav or whatever seems to laugh when I laugh. Seems authentic and does add like a live audience element to it
The podcast has turned into Bert just searching celebs with their shirt off, and talking about how he shits and pisses himself
Honestly, I don't remember a time where that WASN'T the podcast. lol
Also known as "the highlights".
“I’m killing it as a father now…” “I was rowing so hard I pissed my pants…” - Bart
Love this set up
Did Bert just say he doesn’t believe he’s an alcoholic??!! 🤣🤣🤣. Denial on a different level!!
In the first 15 mins.
He isn't tho
@Loroxe no? True alcoholics wouldn't be able to keep doing these podcast weekly bud
Should be called 3 bears because patty’s laugh is just as much as a character.
yeah if U R toked like them thinking it enhances the viewing instead of distracting
1:06:24 first nose scratch
1:09:09 hive begins
1:11:20 second nose scratch
1:12:56 3rd nose scratch
1:14:26 Period of intense growth begins
1:15:58 Bart notices hive
Thank you, this is perfect
Can't wait to see this race!
Bert casually says a Yellowstone viewing party is catered like that's just a normal thing 😂
Oh, you DON’T have your tv watching professionally catered?? How DO you do it?? 🎩 🎩 🎩
Does his wife work? Just wondering...if not...he shot waaaay low...
@@isechico She’s essentially Sharon Osbourne.
@@isechico you say that as if being Brent's wife is a desirable position. Most women wouldn't do that for a 6 figure salary.
@@isechico she was gorgeous (looked like old school Wonder Woman) and a screen writer when they met and supported him when he was a broke ass. So I think he shot just fine. In fact I wish I could find a ten that would support me and have my babies. Sounds nice.
700cals/day? Everyday for the rest of your life?
This is very “Bert.”
It’s gotta be like media-illiteracy but for diet fads. Just was never taught to be skeptical about that stuff.
@@JDirty-w-tha-30 Hes a sumbass hollywood type. Doesnt live in the real world and has everything done for him
Another great episode of Bert Talks!
Came to Philly to see you this new years can't wait so excited love all your comedy special
The positive test bit was sooo good bc we all know Brent has health anxiety. I could see his life flash before his eyes😩💀😭
I have health anxiety
@Matt yep im trying
Brent: “I’ve never had withdrawals
Also Bret: “I’ve been having panic attacks for some reason”
Also Bart: I shit myself regularly.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The 5 words that Tom spoke this episode were thought provoking
Really enjoyable conversation
I’ve never heard Bert talk about drinks, food, diets, I’m not an alcoholic. This is fascinating
Don't forget creating some sort of list of celebrity names too.
@@stephenpowling hahaha, yes 👍 the list keeps getting longer.
Crazy how my brain is trained to wait for nadav to laugh in the background , he was missed this episode.
That last three minutes is the most honest conversation I’ve seen between these two
Burp Krishna talking about working out and nutrition is the funniest segment of the show!
This cast feels like an AA meeting for Brett & a practicum for Tom to become a therapist
All I gotta say is, if there was ever a podcast you'd want to stay to the the end it is this one. I am ugly laughing!! I gotta wash my hands and wash my face!!🔥🤣
The ending to this is mind blowing 🤣
Bert’s obliteration of describing that documentary “14 Peaks” was impressive. No one learned anything.
Dude we find out Bert's just picking his fucking feet as he gets hives this dude is cooked and tom just gets his kicks watching this dumpster fire of a man in action I love these guys great end today made work so much more en joyable
i agree but burt is starting to get unbearable
@@sleggarlaw4740 2 unbearable should be the name of the show
That may be the grossest shit I’ve ever seen 😂😂
I like the chaos tbh
Tom- “You can’t surprise me anymore “
Bert- “Hold my Tito’s and soda”
Great new set.. Must have laughter though !!! It's so important. Just Iike a live show.
The growth of bert and nadivity set is amaziny
bert did pretty good not interrupting you all the time and talking 80% of the episode. This was a good episode.
Time stamp for when they're done talking about diet and exercise please? I'm 19 mins in and they're still on this shit
@@joshisajedi2461 Nope, except 5 mins before the cast ends when Bredt breaks out in hives
I’m so glad I watched until the end
Love this podcast, big on entertainment, short on facts.
Bert seriously thinks he can convince people "i'm on a diet" by not eating breakfast before the podcast and having extra water, as if we can't see the HUNDREDS of instagram photos of him eating and drinking HUGE quantities of food and booze with fans on a nightly basis.
You've seen these since Thanksgiving?
He's the classic example of an "I earned it" binge addict. I've been good, so now I get to eat and drink so much it'll completely cancel out my progress! He'll never change permanently, because that would require CONSISTENT LIFESTYLE CHANGE.
And for fucks sake, eat breakfast people. It's easier to lose weight. If you skip breakfast you'll have no energy all day until you give in and start power-snacking, LIKE BERT.
Like the other guy said, it’s the “I earned it” mentality.
@@sorryimsosad yes. It was a joke, "youonlylaughhere."
@@H8nb8n nah, skip it, and just have lunch if you work
I like how the giant sign with berts name on it wasn’t enough, he needs at least 25 pieces of art with “Bert Kreischer”
Exactly why i watch till the end. Bert is the best.
Being in Bert's studio makes this whole thing make so much more sense!
Love getting my notification for you guys!! My favs
You’re my fave
@@devin2976 brotha🤦♂️
Bert trying to WHISPER to Tom on his podcast was one of the silliest things I've ever seen. Like, A. you're not going to beat the microphone and B. the whole point of the podcast is not trying to keep secrets when a subject comes up....
I love this set!
So happy to hear Bert talking about happy interactions w the kids
Bert someday you are the most inspiring person, other days you're my favorite!
32% of 2 bears 1 cave is Bert explaining to Tom his new diets
Think someone needs to take trak of alllll the conversation Brent starts and then starts another and at the end of the show go over all the start of a conversations or stories never got talked about. Hahaha! This is the perfect podcast I can't get enough.
Toms face at the end, lmao.
What a great ending.
Bobby lee’s pretty fucking honest on his podcast . Definitely some competition for Bart!!
Bobby is just weird bro
Bobby is a well known outspoken habitual liar so no
@@filthyfrank.5 just getting naked with Bert on the Cabin was enough to know.
I hadn't seen Berts new podcast, and when he said this is their new 2bears studio, I fully believed that Tom had made this the new set based on how Bert kinda just rambles about himself far more then half the time.
The way Tomb and Dirt play off one another is epic. Watching Dirk breakout in hives from some parasitic fungus he was growing on another part of his body was just the motivation I needed for New Year, New Me!
12:00 The most important lesson I've learned losing my 230+ lbs, is that just starting is key. Its like rolling the snowball and setting it at the top of the hill. The smallest push starts to gain so much momentum. Set challenging but easily attainable goals at the beginning. 1 minute on the elliptical, do a curl 5 times. Keep in mind your big goal, but set checkpoint goals along the way. Break your records and don't give yourself an excuse to not do something you know you can already do!
*burt gets hives, says it's from his feet, immediately touches his feet and his nose again*
Tom “ It’s been one year to the day of the accident “
Bert should’ve been like, “ wanna shoot around?”
i wish these were 2 hours long funny stuff !
Best ending to and podcast ever.
Boy I hope Bert thinks of another fun name game for them to play for most of the podcast.
Aye shoutout Mike Jones! Lol I didn't even get to that part til today 🤣
Best podcast ending. Period.
Have a great Monday everyone. Don’t forget your gallon of Koolaid and your pocket shots of vodka. Let’s get it.
Gallon of water*
@@jemiiam no dude, gallon of kool aid, that’s how Barf does it. Get with it .
@@tonymarselle8812 not anymore...not since hes on a "diet" ,he "claims" he drinks a gallon of water a day...
I keep waiting to hear Nadav laughing, its weird without him!
IT'S BETTER leave his tok tarded fake laugh out
He probably has a laugh track of himself, just presses a button.
@@BubuH-cq6km nah, leave it in, cry later
@@pwrbck enjoy seeing U in a future Tina's Tok episode Chomo
@@BubuH-cq6km stop calling me Daddy
LOLOL Strong finish there, fellas! Bravo!
The ending of this podcast , omg you couldn’t have scripted this is so funny
Damn this show has a totally different energy without Nadav's laughing filling dead air
ending the podcast cause bert got allergic to something in his toes. fucking awesome. lmao
You cant type laughter
But that ending was fucking hilarious
Best ending to an episode ever lmfao
Bert says he doesnt feel funny in his own set, but its really that hes letting Tom talk more in this set. It kinda explains how his mind work.
Today on 1 narcissist and 1 sociopath the narcissist makes the entire show about himself again and the sociopath listens gleefully with a smirk as he knows his friend is rapidly approaching self destruction which he will continue to monetize and enable 👍
Classic.