REAL TALK: Sleep Training
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- čas přidán 20. 11. 2019
- REAL TALK: SLEEP TRAINING // Ashley shares a raw and honest reflection on her experience with both sleep training a toddler and currently sleep training an 8 month old baby, using two completely different methods.
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#parenting #babies #sleeptraining
![How We Sleep Trained Our Babies - [Tips for sleep training]](/img/n.gif)
I think a big reason for the controversy with Sleep Training is the terminology. "Training" sounds so clinical. In this video, it sounds like what you've done is listen to your babies and find routines that worked for your family. A babies mode of communication is crying, and its clear you know the difference between whining and hard crying. As a early childhood teacher, a big philosophy I follow is "a child has never died from crying". Also, an adults response teaches babies that their actions and behaviors cause reactions. So when you run in everytime the baby whimpers, the baby learns that's all it takes to get mommy to sleep with them. If you give them time to realize that yes, mommy is not there, but they will be fine, then thats what they will internalize. I think your method is fantastic and this information will help so many moms. Thank you for being real and allowing this conversation to take place even with the threat of scrutiny. Just know that you have more support than haters. Youre doing great Mama!
Thank you for saying this. 💕
Yes to this!
I so appreciate what you have to say but I’m curious how as a child behavioral specialist you have overlooked the basic tenants of attachment theory ...? I’ve studied child development, too, and in fact if you DON’T come in each time your child calls for you you are ingraining a broken attachment and building insecurity. It’s basic science and psychology. I’m sure you know all this. Your ideas sound like the camp of “babies try to manipulate you” and that’s simply nonsense. Newborns and infants do not have the internal resources to deal with the things you are suggesting. Again, I’m sure you know this. Suggesting that a tiny developing brain has the wherewithal to thing “oh hey! Moms just around the corner” is not only incorrect but, in my mothers heart, pretty unkind.
@@olgasavestheday I understand what youre saying. The attachment theory is definitely real and I understand the importance of creating that level of trust with the baby. But I think that building that trust isnt exclusively during sleep. Trust is built throughout the entire day. When the baby is hungry, she gets fed. When the baby is gassy, she gets burped. When the baby pooped, she gets changed. This all establishes trust. So when its time to sleep and shes fussy because she would rather be sleeping with mommy, she'll eventually fall asleep. As long as shes not screaming crying, she will understand that she will be fine without mom putting her to sleep. I dont think its manipulation. Babies are smart and there are a lot of biological factors that helps them learn. Every experience teaches them something. When she sleeps without mommy, of course the first few times will be uncomfortable and unfamiliar. But as time goes by, she'll realize that she can in fact go to sleep on her own. If you dont give her that chance to try, she'll become dependent on only falling asleep on mommys chest. Babies are a lot smarter than we think. A few weeks of fussing in bed because mommys not there will not damage the baby's future and will not ruin the relationship with the mom. As long as mom is caring for the baby in all other ways (feeding, changing, entertaining) the baby will know that mommy loves them.
Kristina V a lot of what you are saying is true but the thing with sleep, in particular, is that a baby will have raised cortisol levels of stress during those days/weeks of what you might call “fussing”. This permanently changes the babies brain, as you know. There’s quite a bit of info out there if you’re interested - neuroscience and psychology has a lot to say on this topic! I might add that I’ve never known anyone who’s baby didn’t cry pretty intensely for at least part of their CIO sleep training. It’s never a mere fuss from what I understand.
No don’t close the comments please I always look at them to see what other moms do lol. It’s so hard to put my son to sleep and I learn a lot from you as a first time mom.
I know, we all pass sometimes similar situations. It’s great listen other experiences and as I read in a montessori book: learn from sharing the information as humanity has done for years thats how we don’t start from nothing and humanity improves everything
I think what is most missing from the discussion on babies and sleep in our times is that modern day parents in developed countries are profoundly under supported to be parents, in all ways. Generally speaking, we are light years from being in a position to provide physiologically/psychologically optimal care to our young children - and not be personally depleted beyond recognition. It is an absolute travesty. We were NEVER supposed to parent in isolation, nuclear families place enormous pressures on parents and children alike (check alloparenting). However that is the way it is for most of us watching this video. No, babies should not be left *alone* to cry purposefully as some kind of method, it's far from the ideal. However neither should MOTHERS/PARENTS be left to suffer the consequences of a culture that doesn't protect or support the needs of those first few parenting years, excruciating sleep deprivation included! While the gentle parenting movement has contributed enormously to babies wellbeing, we haven't seen a decrease in perinatal mood disorders, quite the opposite. I urge us all to see each other as doing our absolute best under insane circumstances, and to turn our critical eye to the culture we live in and the harm it is doing to young families and the biological needs of babies/children and parents alike.
I agree with much of what you have to say but I will always stand in defense of helpless babies before a grown adult woman. Believe me i know this isolation you speak of! AND the good news is I can spare my child of this by doing things like safe cosleeping and on demand breast feeding, wearing my baby and being primary caretaker. None of that would change even if I was in an extended family situation or a village. The woman may need more people but the child honestly only needs one- and that’s mama.
In my opinion, you are spot on with almost all of this. It’s very scary and sad that parenting two children forced her to choose which one was left to cry. It shouldn’t be like this. We should have help.
However, while I agree that perinatal mood disorders are terrible and anxiety of all kinds is hitting parents hard, I think the answer is more reasonable public policy and shifts in culture, not CIO. While many of us are doing our best, it’s also dangerous (in my opinion) to create certain expectations for what’s normal for children that don’t match their biological developmental norms. I’m speaking generally, not specifically about this video.
The Italics are Mine very well said 👏👏 it shouldn’t be a this or that type of ultimatum but a this AND that scenario where we have better options. Parenting is hard so get those babies in line? No ... parenting is hard and here’s how to be gentle with yourself and your baby.
@@winkwildly I agree with you. Sleep training babies isn't a solution, it's a symptom (a highly profitable one). I'm interested in the solutions that support the biological and social needs of the whole family - because that's where babies, who are our future, will most thrive. At the same time, I offer compassion and seek to further understand the realities of the struggle.
@@olgasavestheday Your passion for and commitment to the wellbeing of babies shines clear. We need this, just as we need similar passion and commitment in support of the wellbeing of mother's (the other half of the diad) and families as a whole.
I always said I would never let my baby cry it out. I told myself I could handle nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep, attending to my child's every whimper. And I did.. for the first five months. Then he started waking up every 30-40 minutes, taking hours to put down, waking in the night and just being up for hours at a time. I was too afraid to drive with him in the car because I was too drowsy. I told my husband every day that I hated being a mom. I wanted to die because it felt like torture. I would wake up for the 10th time a night and just start literally screaming and crying because I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't being a good parent. It was obvious that my son was suffering as well. He was constantly fussy day and night. We ended up contacting a pediatric sleep consultant. The first night, he cried for twenty minutes, was calm and awake for twenty minutes, cried another twenty minutes, and fell asleep (with Dad next to his crib the whole time). He woke 3 times and quickly fell back asleep on his own. The second night, he cried for fifteen minutes and then slept 11 hours. He was so sleep deprived and so was I. I cried happy tears that morning. It changed our lives. I love being a mom now. My son and I have an incredible relationship. And he is sooo happy all the time now! Thank you for being actually real about this topic!
I swore I wouldn’t sleep train especially with any crying.. well 8 months in I was OVER IT. I sleep trained and he cried. He is now 2.5 and sleeps great! It makes me a better and happier mom and him less cranky which also leads to me being happier. I think us having our basic needs met and happy is what’s important. Sleep deprived I am mean and snappy. I think yelling at him is worse than teaching him to sleep well.
I feel better and have accepted my baby girl naps are 30 mins too. I'm glad to see my baby is not the only one
Would love to see a video on how you self care while Montessori. I’m struggling on how to entertain my toddler when I need to shower. The television is just the most convenient way. Thanks for being so real and honest.
Makeup Brigade shower when they go to bed at night. That's what I do. Or during naps?
I leave the door open and let my toddler play close to me, he is most comfortable that way and finds it interesting to watch me
@@sydneyw8834 I would love to shower after they go to bed, but our bathroom is right next to the kids room and would risk waking them. Also, so many other things to do after they go to bed, including feeding myself!
When I had just one, we would bathe or shower together. It was a super fun time.
I've been putting my 9 month old in a walker while I shower but he hates it! I mean he hates it! Idk what else to do...I just open the door every few minutes and give him something to play with and talk to him through the glass and just try to hurry. It's a process with lots of crying but I have to monitor him and he can't be touching things in there. 🤷
I have 2 kids and haven't slept well in 3 years. Cosleeping is my family's only option, just like you said. Thank you so much for this raw real talk video.
Hi Ashley thank you so much for being REAL. I was in tears when you were describing how you would crawl into the crib with your Kylie and cry with her... That's exactly what happened with me a few times and sometimes we as moms feel so alone and even hate ourselves for not always know what the "best solution" is and it was just so encouraging knowing that there are actually ALOT of moms out there that go through the same thing and that have tried so many different "methods".
Hugs** Felicia
Enlightening and encouraging. I currently live in one room in my mother in laws home and I now I am going to go through challenges with sleeping. Right now some family members rock him to sleep and that’s what he’s used to but once he’s put down in his bassinet he does sleep. He just turned three months so it’s just the beginning for us. Thank you for your time and making this video
These videos are so inspiring-appreciate your honesty. It is nice to hear from someone who parents respectfully, isn’t judgmental of others and who isn’t overly rigid when things don’t go perfectly.
I Thank you for having the courage to talk openly, freely and without judgement about your children's sleep. Your experience has provided so much reassurance and insight on one of the many ways we as parents can help our children sleep. It was so relatable and shows that we can pick and choose what works and that every baby is different. Thank you again!!
I’m so sorry you have to feel this way (that you wanted to close the comments) but this really is what the comment section on every platform has become 😢 every mother has to see what method suits her family and it’s nobody else’s business. Thank you for your beautiful video’s and your honesty!
Big love for your honesty and openness ❤️ thanks for sharing! Every child is different but i find it so useful to hear non judgmental experiences of other moms. And it’s heartwarming to know that someone I admire and respect as a parent like you, has struggles with sleep as well 😉
After watching this video I'm impressed how you always look so beautiful and put together, although you don't get to sleep through the night
You are too kind. 🙈
Love this Ashley! Thank you for being so honest! I get scared talking to anyone about this stuff, let alone the internet. You are so thoughtful about your children ❤️
As a first time mom I did the same thing as you did with Kylie! Crying it out was a last resort and it hasn’t worked for us. I’m so glad to hear your honest experiences/problems and how you solved them. CZcams needs more mums like you ❤️
I'm only 2min in and I already need to comment: preach girl! I know exactly what you are saying. I follow you as I love how normal and raw you are, no sugar coating. Also my younger is 7 and a half months so just a bit younger than yours so it is awesome to hear your tips. . . esecially now that she has gone BONKERS with her sleep. lots of love to you and the family!
Just to add: we have just tried to let our 7 month old to go to bed after skipping her 3rd nap, so she had 5h of no sleep until her bedtime (i actually tried to put her for a 3rd nap but she was just singing to herself on her tummy) and for both nights she slept for 6h straight and didn't cry when put in a cot. I feel like a new human being 😍 I cant wait to test t again tonight :)
Such a wise mama♥️
Your outlook on motherhood and parenting is encouraging. You are speaking empowerment to discouraged mamas and its coming from a genuine sweet place. Love love love thos video ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for the real talk. Felt pretty defeated after our 9 month appt this week. My LO is not sleeping through the night, wakes a couple times to feed, & has always been a cat napper. We are also bedsharing. I don't know what our "training" plan is, but I too am Uncomfortable with just letting her cry. Thank you for the ideas and suggestions. It's great to be reminded that what I'm doing works for us at this time. We as mamas need to support each other and over encouragement, not judgements or meanness. Great content! You're all doing awesome!!
Whitney Page Hansen my babies fed the same and had similar thins going like your baby - I honestly stopped looking at the month by month sleep goals (they first told me baby sleeps through the night by 3 months! HA!) and I just lump it all into the first year. Expect baby to be up and nursing the first year minimum. Mine do it the first year and a half to 2 years actually! And most of it revolves around breast feeding. To me, that part is worth it. My limit is typically 2 years and then wham bam we are weaned and all sleeping through the night while we still bedshare!
Ashley, thank you so much for such an honest video! After watching all these perfect night routines on utube, I was really stressed out I'm doing everything wrong, since Im a first time mom. Hearing about your actual experience, struggles and wins, is very refreshing, specifically about sleep,eat,play sequence. Please bring more Real talk videos! best wishes to your family🤗
So glad I watched this! Completely validated my own experience! Never watched a video like this. So honest! You are brilliant!
I just want to say... your content is so refreshing. I wish ALL moms felt they could be open...follow your baby and trust that YOU know what's best. We have our own paths … Thanks so much for sharing!
Love this video. I was so sleep deprived I was not mentally okay. I tried to avoid sleep training, but once we did everything changed for the better.
The best sleep training video i’ve seen ever. That you were honest about what you intended on doing, what you actually did and what worked and what didn’t - this is content that’s hard to find on CZcams but is what’s most useful! Thank you! xx
Gawd. I love how passionate and honest you are. Thanks for sharing how real motherhood is!
I love this! We have a great sleeper with our 10 month old. He takes 2 1.5-2.5 hour naps a day and sleeps 11-12 hours at night. We never had to sleep train him. But we also have followed his wake times, and that does help a lot. We don't put him to bed until he is very tired, but not over tired.
I loved this "real talk" every thing you said and everyone's comments. It really help me push though my First Time Mom Guilt, and I finally got my 9month old baby girl to sleep in her own bed. She took to the method in 3 nights and now I feel slightly human again because of the rest Ive gotten over the last week Thank You Thank You 🙏
This!!! I've binge watched so many of your videos (starting with your Montessori series) and this was definitely one of my favorites. Looking forward to more "Real Talks" as I feel like I almost cried half a dozen times thinking "yes yes yes" I know exactly what you're talking about! I see you. I feel you. You are NOT ALONE.
We went through the same "cries and won't sleep while being held" issue with our son at about 7 weeks, and finally decided to let him cry and hopefully fall asleep on his own in his bassinet. He still cried pretty hard for 12 min but I literally couldn't hold him anymore (between my back seizing up and my nerves it just wasn't safe). Then at 17 min he fell asleep and it was like the angels started singing. It was heart wrenching at the time, but looking back the silver lining was that he learned to sleep on his own really early within just a couple days (still with some ups and downs). I hope to remember this when we have a second child but who knows, he/she may be completely different. You just have to figure out what works for you and your baby and your situation.
Thank you so much for being open and honest and vulnerable. Definitely need more of this!
So glad I found this! Girl! We are 14 weeks into the one to two kid transition and our toddler still wants us to fall asleep with him. Sometimes we can but mommy and daddy need mommy and daddy time and we are too exhausted because we get so tired laying with our toddler. Sometimes we take turns but sometimes he wants both of us. While it’s so sweet and we LOVE it we are also super lacking getting any time to ourselves to get things done or time together. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much for this- FTM of an almost 9mth old and trying to figure it out. This was such a well rounded, supportive, relatable video and I appreciate you putting it out there!
Loved this! Thank you 😊 I so agree that you need different approaches for different children. I’ve just had my third and last baby and each time my approach has needed to be different because they are different! But also because having 1 or 2 other children to think about too is very important! Love your content x
Thanks so much for your videos! They finally give me confidence to start sleep training on my 10month old baby. I love how raw your talks are and that no bullshit is involved. Parenting is so hard. There's no easy way. Only through your videos did I actually realize that I'm not alone. I was so confused until now to choose one out of so many sleep training methods. I went through many videos and read a lot of books but none of them worked. I'm going to try again but this time with confidence. Thanks to you for being so open and I love your clarity. Please keep uploading more such videos. More Power to you!! ❤️
I really appreciate hearing your experience. I’m a first time stay at home mom with a 4 month old baby who has nursed every half hour to two hours during the day since day one. I’ve been feeling anxious that he hasn’t been sleeping “through the night” like every book or blog says is “normal” even though he can fall asleep on his own. I feel like if I just change my mindset to expect waking during the night all will be happier. And hearing you were able to do so until one years old is encouraging.
I loved hearing about your perspective and experience. I've been putting off sleep training my little boy since a previous failed attempt. I'm now determined to try again! Thanks. 😊
I felt like talking to you several while I was watching this video, it’s just perfect, real and 100% honest on this topic. Like you, I have 2 kids, and they’re completely different sleepers. My first one gave me the hardest time falling asleep, he’s the one that got me searching for sleep training. Now I feel much more relaxed and prepared with my 7 month-old baby, but still I need to find a plan for having both my kids sleeping in the same room without them waking each other up. I live abroad and far away from any relatives, so I find myself constantly counting on the internet and other peoples’ experiences to help me. Thank you so much for sharing this, really appreciate it! 🙏😘
Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for your honest testimony. Six month old here, and my struggle with sleeping is constantly feeling like a failure and questioning what I'm doing. It's so much better hearing your loving advice than the many sleep tutorials. Thank you again. I feel less alone tonight than I have in along time. It's kind of funny, because we've of course never met, but I do feel like you are part of my "village". Thank you again.
I truly needed to hear this. Knowing that an 8 month old is not sleeping through the night and its okay, thank you so much
Doing our third attempt at sleep training because we drop the ball when my baby goes through those "sleep regressions" which sadly resets him. This is exactly how I feel and I'm so glad you spoke frankly about sleep training. I know the method works for us because like you said, when we had him trained, crying was the exception not the norm.
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for your honesty! My baby is 7 months old and your video made my day after a terrible night of sleep.
Thank you for being so honest about it, helps to know I'm not doing anything wrong and other sleep deprived parents feel the struggle too. Our baby is also 8 months old so this is very relevant right now. I love your videos.
Thank you for such an open, honest and down to earth account of your experience. It’s so hard for new mums to navigate through the depth and breadth of different information and often very judgemental opinions. It’s also very hard to apply fancy theories to “real life” parenting situations but your videos make it much more approachable.
First off I LOVE your channel. We implemented the floor bed a week ago with our second daughter who’s 5 months old. She was a great sleeper in the crib but after finding your channel a few weeks ago we decided to take the leap. Boy has her sleeping been totally different from our older daughter who’s 6 years old. We had to rock our first to sleep every night and nap. With baby #2 I give her a bottle and lay her down. She’s slept through the night since she was 3 months old too. I don’t know how we got so lucky but man each child sure is different. Appreciate all the videos you put out as I take great inspiration from them. Thank you!
Thank you for being so honest about being a mom, it makes me feel a lot less isolated
Thanks for sure a great open video talk! I never heard someone talk so open about it and not judging others! I really loved listening you
Love this video! A mother's (or father/parent/guardian) health is so, so important. Sleep is so important to our physical, emotional and mental health. My first baby didn't sleep on her own until 1.5 yo so with my 2nd baby, I decided to " sleep train" at an early age and it was the best decision ever! He's 5 months now and sleeps on his own and through the night for the most part. We, as parents, need to stop being judgemental and be more supportive.
This is SO helpful to me. I would give five thumbs up if I could. Thank you for your honesty and the sensitive way you communicate (Mum of a 3 month old in New Zealand)
I really enjoyed this video. My little boy is almost 14 months now and we cosleep and breastfeed and babywear and all of that. He wakes through the night and bedtime is usually long and can be difficult. I'm fine with it, I believe in attachment parenting and that works for our family. However, I feel like a gained a lot of insight from you sharing both of your sleep journeys with your girls, and you have made me think about addressing some of the judgements I have, which is definitely a really good thing. We are a one child family for many reasons, including that we do not have the time and resources to do what we're doing with another one. Again, it was really valuable to see how you approach having two young children. I think that, similarly to what you say in your video, as a parent you try so hard to do the right thing by your child that sometimes you get tunnel vision and fail to recognise and appreciate all of the individual and equally valid journeys that parents are on.
I have been a follower of your channel for quite some time and have gained so much from what you have chosen to share, so thanks again.
I love all your videos. I am 66, I do intensive foster care. I was raised with strict ideas for raising children. Well guess what, they don't work. You are so understanding with different needs for children. I heard of the cry it out it did not work with my little guy. If I tried it, he got worse. If I comfort him, it's a 10 min ordeal and he's done. I just found out today from a ped develop center that cry it out was not recommended any more. I find something I can use in all your videos and I love the new ideas I am learning. I do use consistent nap and bed times, that is a good habit to begin.
I just wanted to say that this video has helped me so much! My three month old has been going through sleep regression. He used to sleep 2-3 hours at a time, but that turned into 30 minutes if I was lucky! I watched your video and thought trying your way for naps might work. And it did!!! He didn't cry or scream, just chatted and "shouted" (he's learned to use a loud voice recently) at the monitor camera for 10 minutes then sighed and went to sleep! We've been practicing for two days and it works! I've never been able to get "drowsy but awake" to work for him, but he wasn't in crisis/hard crying and he was able to settle quickly! Thank you for your video and encouragement! You are such a blessing to our family!
Love from Japan!
-Mama and Baby Mituti
Ashley you saved my life!! I’m in the exact same situation you were: made all the mistakes with my first, made all the promises when pregnant with my second; then broke them all. Baby is now 4 months old and I was lost until this. You got it, this trick is magic: put them down when they’re really tired, really ready for it, and they’ll very quickly learn to fall asleep on their own. A thousand thanks!!!
So glad to have helped out another mama in the same shoes!!! 🥰
This is so refreshing! I have been obsessed with trying to get my baby to sleep through the night for her whole 10 months. She has always been a catnapper, I also thought I was always doing something wrong. I googled it constantly and bought two different books to try gentle sleep training, following schedules consistently. It took months to get her to fall asleep independently, then she got a bad cold for a month and everything went out the window. Now we hold hands until she sleeps and I have to replug her paci 3-5 times a night, and she wakes for a period of 1-2 hours at 4.30am about 5 times a week but I'll take it because I have learned that things can be worse! Im choosing to trust that she will get there! Im so glad that you have shared how tough it is, it is really tough sometimes!
Real talk: breastfeeding. How it's not always beautiful and easy. It caused me insane anxiety. I've found that it can be as controversial as sleep training. My son was diagnosed with a milk protein allergy at 10 months and killed my supply over a weekend in the hospital. He started doing SO much better immediately on soy formula that to me, it was a no brainer to use this catalyst to wean. But oh my god, I received so much judgement because I didn't persevere, because I didn't remove dairy from my diet, because I didn't pump, blah blah. That no baby weans willingly before a year. After the whole journey, I realized that my mental health had taken a back seat for 10 months because everyone said "breastfeeding or you're a bad mother". If I'm blessed with another, my perspective will be different and I'm going to try so hard not to put myself through that again
I was thinking of doing this one next! 👍🏻😊
My baby ‘breast fed’ for exactly 4 days (in the hospital with the help of a nurse) No matter what we tried nothing worked out and even my idea to pump and feed went out of the window cos i wasn’t getting enough. I was totally depressed and thought i was a bad mom and I got loads of advise about how to persevere and how to pump and feed and what not... long story short i was feeling horrible about myself and then two people helped - my lactation nurse who told me that my lil one is a leader and he likes doing things his way (made me laugh for the first time during feeding time) and my gynecologist who told me how her first one didnt take the breast even once and her second did..
Fast forward to current day, my baby boy is 14 months old and healthy..
P.s. I generally don’t reply to comments but I have an idea how painful a time u went through and I want you to always remember that you are an amazing mom!🤗
@@savvypalz510 I know exactly what you mean! And I think those whom have had similar experiences to us don't talk about it. We don't talk because we feel ashamed that we weren't happy doing something we "should" biologically be able to enjoy. It doesn't mean that we were/are bad mothers. I'm SO happy that you were able to identify it early!
I think people are generally awful. My little one had lactose intolerance so I cut off dairy from my diet, some people just told me that I'm spoiling the kid and they will never grow lactose tolerance if I don't give it to her... you can never please people
I have an almost 6mth old EBF boy who seems to have some intolerances but to what specifically we are still trying to work out (after 2 months of eliminations) I’ve cut dairy, soy, wheat and egg from my diet. Things still aren’t great, his weight gain is super slow and feeding is frequent and tiring.
I’m so surprised by how unenjoyable my breastfeeding journey has been despite having no issues with latching or supply (so I am lucky in that respect). I’m exhausted from nursing every 2hrs day and night, not to mention feeling “touched out” by the end of day. I feel guilty about the fact that something I’m consuming is upsetting him and just finding the elimination and reintroduction process quite bewildering in general. Much of my spare time is spent researching it. I know things will be easier one day but I’m shocked by how difficult I’m finding BF because I’ve not heard women say they hate it. Just like sleep, there is so much judgement on breastfeeding/bottle feeding. It is absolutely absurd. Mothers need support from their community and fellow mums, who somehow seem to be the worst offenders when it comes to shaming.
I already loved your videos, but after watching this I appreciate you even more!! Thanks so much for sharing and being so honest ;) we definitely need more of that on CZcams.
I know this video is old but I just found it and it speaks to my soul. I have a 4yo who goes to bed independently and a 4 month old who falls asleep nursing. It’s so difficult juggling two kids and the bedtime routine. My husband and I both work night shift and I’m starting back at work soon. I worry my in-laws, who are a great help to us, are going to “undue” any sleep training that I do. Wish me luck!
Thank you for this! This truly is 'real talk' and I truly appreciate it. Every mom I know is just doing their best. For some that means they needed a full nights sleep and did some sort of sleep training, for others they're okay with sleep deprivation for now. For some that meant bottle feeding because breast feeding was too painful, or just not feasible because they had twins or just didn't produce enough. Every mom knows how hard being a new mom is (and presumably a 2nd time, 3rd time etc but I'm not there yet) so we should all be giving each other as much support as possible. My friends don't need to raise their babies the way I raise mine, they just need to know that we see how much love and energy and life isn't going into it.
My baby is a screamer, he quickly goes from just whine crying to screaming like he's in serious pain. I know he's probably fine but I feel in my mama heart that he truly needs me if he's screaming. I thought I was so lucky because at 2 months he was napping well and started sleeping through the night...then 4 months came around he now cat naps and wakes up every 2.5 hours at night. Like you say "I'm okay with that". Some nights he'll sleep for 5 hrs straight, so I know he can sleep long stretches, which just reinforces to me that if he wakes up it's because he needs me.
You’re doing great. Babies are so unpredictable. We would have it down for like 2 weeks and then our baby would totally flip it on us and suddenly what was working was no longer working. Like you, once we started following her sleepy cues, everything started to change. Great video. Thank you!
Thank you so very much for this video! It is so incredibly helpful, it sounds so close to our experience and it is really realistic, and not all this "i am a supermom and my baby sleeps through the night from 6 months" or "my baby is never crying or fussing when going to sleep at all" as though as babies never teeth or get sick, or simply don't want to go to sleep, cause they want to discover and play. Again, you are awesome! Thank you!
You did it perfectly! Your mindset and learning process is exactly what happened to me! I now have. 9 month old that doesn't need any rocking, lullaby it is amazing
You are amazing! You are great at explaining and executing what your talking about. Blessed by your genuineness, authenticity, rawness, relates and grace. 💗
I broke the nurse to sleep habit at 2 years and I got shit from everyone. People telling me it was too soon and I let her cry, and people telling me it should have been sooner. It stopped working for me, and it didnt make me happy anymore. She now falls alseep alone, it was a drama for three days and she got it. I didnt sleep train because we coslept but I totally get people who do. I have my mom living next door and montessori style day care for her. Keep it up Ashley!!!
Ashley, thank you so much for sharing about your experience. I had my baby in a different country, completely alone, and I had read a lot of books and watched videos but honesty nothing has helped me so much to find the direction I would like to go as a mom as your videos. My boy is two months younger than Mia so by the time he is starting a new stage I have already some basis as to what could be happening with him next. Thank you once again and don't worry about negative comments, you're great and your kids are also. Hugs and kisses.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm a new mom of a 10 month girl and I'm still learning 😊
Love what you said about things being different with 2 kids. It’s so true.
For me it was hard when I started working full time again, when he was 7 months old. He was used to be breastfed at demand, and he couldn’t eat when he wanted, they were a schedule to follow and he missed me. So when I went to get him, around 6 all he wanted was to be with me. At night he would want to breastfeed at every hour, and I just couldn’t sleep. The only way I had was to breastfed him in bed, “sleeping” on one side, so he wound breastfed when he needing, and know that I was there (and I think that was the most important to him). So I barely sleep and then went to work all day, and had to find a way to try to concentrate, be productive, and pump during the day (so he could have something to eat at day care, he almost never ate food). When I think of it now, I really don’t know how I survived. Sending love to all self-deprived of sleep mamas out there!
I'm a stay at home mom, so I can only imagine how hard most have been for you... But I'm still co-sleeping with my 22 month baby and it works for us... I think thats what he needs...
I am so inspired by your commitment and determination to your little one. Truly self sacrificing and so hard!!
I am so inspired by your commitment and determination to your little one. Truly self sacrificing and so hard!!
What you did with ur second child I call "fussing it out" and have found it helps. Thank for saying all kids are a little bit different.
My oldest is just like Kylee! I spent so much time just trying to get him to sleep, and then when he did or didn't last long and he'd be awake again.
Read a lot of books and tried so many methods!
Thank you for making this video. This is one of the best videos about baby sleep and I appreciate hearing your perspective. Please keep making them.
I am glad you decided not to worry too much about what others are gonna say.
Ahhh halfway through and so grateful! My 2yo just went through a sleep regression during our move- wants to sleep in my bed and wakes up through the night. I’m due in February and was hoping for help, and this is exactly the video/method I️ didn’t know I️ needed 😭❤️
It's so nice to hear another mom talk about their baby not sleeping through the night. Our pediatrician told me I could stop night nursing my daughter and I honestly laughed in disbelief. Like....how?!?!? My daughter is 16 months old now and she still nurses at least once a night.
Also I just wanted to say I'm such a big fan of you and your channel. You're teaching me so much and giving me some awesome perspective on parenting.
Thank You for that! My doughter is 6 month old now and I recently found Your chanell. Is such a relief that you can still found a TRUE AND HONEST MOM on YT. I want to thank You for Your job,honesty and effort to do this. You are brilliant mom! 😍 My doughter is terrible sleeper and I need to try todo something about it too. We are co-sleeping because it is an only way for me to sleep at all 😅But I miss hugging my hubby at night too😅
Your videos are so useful! I love all of the content you put out on CZcams, I think you’re such an amazing human!
Thank you for these wonderful videos full of resepct, kindness and honesty ❤️ they have made me think of topics that were unknown for me. Keep the amazing work! A big hug from Germany 🤗
I. Love. That. Video. I feel like, oh wow, you've really been there too! Thank you. Thank you! I've just had my second baby girl and I feel I can relate to you completely. I love your approach and mindset. If anyone needs advice, I'll recommend this video above others. Take care 💕💕💕
Love this video! This is exactly how my 7 month old daughter sleeps. Short naps, sleeps on me, wakes up 2-3 times a night. She screams when I put her down awake, but sleepy, and the screaming is ear-piercing. Almost all of my mommy friends say their babies are sleeping through the night. It’s reassuring to hear other stories and know that I’ll get a full night’s rest one of these days.
Thank you for sharing your experience! We did a modified Ferber method with our first son, and it was so hard - but we all needed to get some sleep to function.. This time around, with my youngest now 5 months old and sleeping terribly, I’m not sure I have the heart to go the same route. But something needs to change for me to be the best mom, wife, employee etc I can be. I appreciated hearing about your method with Mia, and the slow retread method with Kylee. Thank you for your candor!
My name is Rachel and I wanted to thank you for all your good advice I have a 3 year old who has a hard time getting to sleep and your videos have given me some good ideas thank you!
I just want to say... THANK YOU! This video made me feel so sane! Thanks so much for sharing your experience and the way that you talk! Ah... it’s refreshing! Lots of love from Vienna!
Thank you so much for the real talk! I am a mom of an almost 7 month old boy and we had had some really rough periods. Recently we are struggling with sleep, eating and play time all at once and I stumbled upon your channel and I am just like a sponge enjoying all the videos about baby led weaning and Montessori. Thank you!
On the topic of sleep, our family was floundering the first few months and let me tell you, I found out just how BAD my husband needs his sleep! 🤣 I was on my own at night the first few months. Then I stumbled upon the Babywise method and this whole concept of dreamfeeding. If any moms out there are struggling with having their baby waking up in the middle of the night like Ashley, I recommend trying dreamfeeding and slowly increasing their milk intake up in small increments over a few weeks to try and feed them the 24-32oz a day during the actual sunlight hours each day. This worked MAGICALLY for us. I would put him down at night around 8pm, do my stuff around the house, go in around midnight and tickle him gently to wake him up and feed him, burp, put him down totally sleepy, and he would stay asleep till the early morning. Every few nights I made it 15 mins earlier. Eventually, the dreamfeed was around 10pm and then we just stopped all together and he slept through the night around 3 months. He still sleeps through the night till this day.
Now that's only one thing that went oh so well out of so many, but in the words of Ashley, this is just my experience and tips from one busy parent to another. Hope it helps someone!!
Your video was so great! I’ve got two kids the ages of yours. And their sleeping situation is exactly like ours with #1 and #2! Good job making a change at 1 year. We didn’t and are in crazy with a 3 year old. Thank you for sharing!
I needed this video so bad! I searched the whole internet to know if there was any montessori guidelines for sleeping, but as you said there isn’t any.
I got myself thinking about what Maria Montessori would do and I couldn’t answer that myself as leaving a child to cry doesn’t seem to be right but at the same time she was all about independence. It is good for the child to learn how to sleep and self soothe, its good fot their development, for their growth.
My little one is 7 and a half months and I started to sleep train him with 6 and a half months, just like you I was nursing him to sleep up to that point (and algo co-sleeping).
It was a big change and he is much better now, he never cries for naps, but bedtime is still a bit hard.
Its so good to hear your experience. It made me feel lighter, I was feeling a horrible mum to allow my child to cry... its good to know I’m not alone in this boat and that I’m not a horrible person.
Thank you so much for sharing. As a mother of a single baby I have to admit that it is easy to think that you will never let your baby to cry it out. I have a 16 months old and we have recently gentle sleep train him. Since he is older now he picked it up really fast and now he's almost sleeping through the night. It makes me think that since he was older maybe that helped him to understand better that it is his responsibility to decide to fall asleep, but then again I only have one baby😂.
This video really opened my eyes to reality and that we all do what we think it's best for our babies. Like you said, no good mother would plan to hurt the baby or enjoy it. Thanks for opening up with us and I'm looking forward to the rest of the videos.
Thank you so much for this video! Is lovely to hear positive real-life experiences of parents trying different things and seeing what works for them. I have moved from the cio to the more co-sleep approach and am now of the philosophy that each family and child are different so different approaches work, or not... and that's ok as long as everyone is happy and healthy.
Hi Ashley. Thanks for this video, i needed it more than I can tell. As you said, not everyone has a separate bedroom for a child and I'm one of those parents, next saturday it'll be a year as I'm co-sleeping with my now toddler, and it's hard to get good sleep when you feel alert most of time... Your videos give me hope for some not too far future. You guys make a lovely family ♡ keep up the great job that you do! cheers from UK ♡
This is the most refreshing sleep training themed video I've seen. Thank you for sharing this :).
Thank you. Thank you not only for the content but the editorial comments about the haters and shamers. We had to formula feed, and boy did everyone have an opinion. Then our son hated sleep...hated it...so we finally, after meeting with a Children’s Hospital sleep expert did CIO. It worked after a few days. Sure we have our regressions but once he started to sleep, and we started to sleep, life changed for the better. But people were so mean when I would ask for advice and everyone had an opinion, even if they didn’t have a child. I love your videos because they acknowledge the balance of certain ideas. Thank you again for keeping it real. Your daughters are happy and thriving so you are definitely doing it right!!
I was so worried about my daughter being somehow traumatized by me letting her cry that I was driving myself absolutely insane. Now before anyone freaks out when I say cry I mean she is whining not crying crying or she just wants to be laid down and left alone for a second because babies get overstimulated too! Last night I chose to stop swaddling cold turkey as she decided she wanted to start barrel rolling and she slept through the night! She was in a good mood this morning and somehow I doubt I scarred her psychologically but letting her roll around and fuss for a few minutes before putting herself to sleep. I think you’re doing a FANTASTIC job and it’s such a breath of fresh air to see some mama real talk!
Hate that everyone thinks that they can judge what you do as a mother. Sending love sis! Mi son (only one) still need us to get to sleep and he’s 3 and half. Next year we want start planning baby #2 and we have a year still to figure out what to do.
Thank You for the video so much. I’ve realized where I’ve been making the mistake. And now my baby has fallen asleep without nursing for the first time :-)
I appreciate how honest and vulnerable you are with what works for your family. I always try to keep in the back of my mind that all babies are different and listening to them to then figure out what to do is best. My girls slept through the night by 2 months and my son by 4 months, but I've had close friends and family where that wasn't the case and I couldn't give them any advice because my babies just kind of figured it out or I have no idea what I did. I wonder if we get upset when it comes to parenting because our kids are our most valuable treasure and we're just trying to do what's best, and often times, for me for sure, we feel like we're going to mess it up or letting our babies down.
I love this real talk! It's so true! This has all been what I've experienced except my son did do pretty well with sleep training. We started at 5 or 6 months! Right now I'm having issues with him sleeping through the night. He is now 10 months old. I've heard they grow out of night feeds and I've heard you train them...I don't know. Lol. Hopefully he grows out of it. I'd love a full nights sleep without having to get up and feed him. He does sleep in his own room.
You’re absolutely right about the wake times - they are KEY to successfully helping baby sleep independently. I used to go by a chart similar to the one you flashed on screen but with my second kid (currently 3mo), I discovered a baby sleep app called Huckleberry which predicts the optimal nap time for baby based on their age. And let me tell you, it is so bloody accurate. Life saver. One less thing I have to think about during the day. I think every single parent needs this app, haha.
Love your channel, keep it up! Btw, your children are hypnotic, honestly, I’m amazed by them. Testament to your outstanding parenting, well done x
I definitely think this is a very sensitive topic but I'm happy you were honest and open about how hard it is to be a mom of two! My youngest is also called Mia and she is 10 months old at the moment and as you mentioned, from birth I never let her sleep on me, never nursed her to sleep and always put her in her bed when she was sleepy but awake. I think that is the only reason she is such a better sleeper compared to my eldest Sophie who woke up to nurse at least 3 times per night until she was 2 :( Mia now wakes to nurse twice per night but we are getting much more sleep then we ever did with Sophie :D I hope to wean her at 1 instead of nursing her until 2 like I did with her sister! Anyways, I love your videos and can't wait to see the next one!
As a mum who chose NOT to sleep train, I absolutely do not judge those who do. My daughter is 2 1/2 and has only just started sleeping better (they do get there eventually!). I'm content with the choice I made to respond to my daughter but there have been many times when I've questioned if I'm doing it all wrong and have been super envious of other people's babies who can put themselves to sleep and sleep all night long. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with my daughter and catch up on sleep at other times, I'm sure if I was going to work 5 days a week I wouldn't have coped. Mums are expected to do everything these days with little support and sometimes you've just got to do whatever works.
PennyPlusBabies I so feel ya on this! And can totally relate. Here I was doing bed time with 2 cosleepers and then hearing from a friend how her kid, at just a few months old, would go down so easy and stay asleep! Amazing and unbelievable...! But time is a true test. And sadly those sleep habits haven’t stuck, my friend is perpetually exhausted doing the mama shuffle between rooms of multiple kiddos because they are such sensitive sleepers ... meanwhile mine have gotten over the hump of nursing and waking and sleep like rocks through both parents snoring 😂 I don’t feel so bad anymore! And I do hope my friends kiddos make it easier over time!!
PennyPlusBabies great of you to say... my two sons (3 and 6) also have not been sleep trained- here in Europe it’s a no-go and you wait until your babys finally gets the idea of sleeping alone and through the night by themselves.
I don’t understand the point of thinking a baby won’t EVER learn to sleep if not sleep trained. Do parents really think otherwise they have to stand at their teenagers bed and and sing a lullaby while rocking them to sleep? 😂😜
Linda Gröbl LoL right? I think parents get a lot of pressure and false warnings - “you’ll spoil your child. You’re gonna create a big problem” etc. also for whatever reason our pediatricians will tell parents to sleep train their kids- which is TOTALLY inappropriate! Pediatricians are medical doctors not child behavioral experts or even parenting experts! So odd to me
Hey Ashley, dont internalize the negative comments or ever feel the need to justify to anyone. I'm a first time mom to a 5month old and your channel has been such a resource.
Me too!!! I've been sleep deprived for 16months now. This is my first baby planning for the second near in the future but we're still sleeping in the same room (different bed), because that's what we can do for now (our own house is not finished built yet). Hopefully I can follow your way later when everything is more possible. Big hug from Indonesia! 🇲🇨
Thank you for honest opinion! Yes, there are sooo many videos saying how great everything is within their family. But reality is different. I had a chance to be a stay at home mom for 6 months, but now I'm back to work, and I have to change my strategy.
Love what you are sharing!! My second baby is turning 8 months. I wanted to do something different with him because my daughter is turning 3yr and still needs some degree of cosleep every night before I leave the room and it’s been really hard. I will try the gentle gradual approach. Thanks for sharing all of this!!
Yes!!! Ive noticed 5 hrs is the mark and the chart agrees. Thx for sharing the chart