Bold Confidence: How To Instantly Improve Your Eye Contact
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- čas přidán 11. 05. 2016
- SocialConfidenceCenter.com Title Of Video
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[Do you struggle with making eye contact? Do you tend to look away or cower on the inside when someone looks you in the eye? Do you have trouble sustaining eye contact once it’s been made?
Strong and confident eye contact is essential when it comes to creating extraordinary confidence, and today, we’re going to be discussing how to develop strength in this area.
Why is it so difficult to maintain eye contact with someone who we consider to be attractive or powerful or otherwise intimidating? Well, there is probably some argument to be made regarding evolutionary psychology, threat and dominance; and while that point is probably perfectly valid, it’s not a rabbit hole I would like to go down today.
Instead, I prefer to visit this subject from an angle that will help you to transform your mindset. Consider this:
What if this problem is completely built on a foundation of insecurity?
What I find with many of my clients is that they fear eye contact because they are worried about other people’s opinions of them (to a debilitating degree). They’re scared that they’ll be too intense or lack a connection with the other person or not blink enough-some are even scared that the person will be able to see emotions or personality aspects they’re trying to hide. There are as many fears as there are fish in the sea.
We’re afraid of being disliked; we’re afraid of being judged; we’re afraid of people seeing right through us. We're scared.]
To read more, go here:
[socialconfidencecenter.com/upd... ]
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/ getmoreconfidence - Jak na to + styl
im scared people feel uncomfortable when i stare them for too long
yes same here.... me also feel that people feel uncomfortable.... is that true or its my own thinking??
I'm studying treating paruresis at home and found a great resource at Shyness Fast Formula (google it if you are interested)
Feels like SHIT ! right on . good talk
Thats how you get power!
@@zesajid It's true and part of thinking.
you are what you think and what you focus on comes into your life it grows
Aziz is so underrated. His content and podcasts are gold
Thank you! Push through to the next level and come spend three days with me at a live event! (Next one in June)
Whenever I look at someone’s in the eye I sense they are uncomfortable because they look away and then I am afraid of looking at them in eyes for long .
Keep practicing, you'll find a comfortable balance!
A daily occurrence. I don't have an issue with passing by strangers, only when having direct conversation with an individual. What ends up happening is all recognize my eye contact, be self conscious and think i should look away, then throughout the remaining conversation majority of my attention is directed towards this looking at then looking away from the individual. it completely ruins my thought process and my ability to generate conversation. i want things to feel natural, it just seems forced. any tips or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. thanks!!
I have this same thing. We can do this. Keep trying. I’m convinced that one day we won’t have this feeling but will feel comfortable like talking to another part of ourself
Same here bri
I know this sounds crazy but what has been helping me is remembering how I’m not just the body. Remember you’re a soul and spirit and know that the other person is also soul and spirit. So the body including eyes becomes an expression of their soul, but is not their soul itself. Just like how all your thoughts emotions heart etc are not your body. You can’t look at yourself in the mirror and know immediately everything that you’ve been through or your true heart. That comes from interacting with people. So we must give people our time and patience and focus on learning about them and who they are, what they believe in, etc so we can know them. If we think we can know them by just looking at them then we need to remember that we can’t do it that way. Obviously we have to look at one another but let’s remember that there is a soul in there that we have to crack open by using our words and asking questions. Or else we will be judging outward appearances our whole life.
Baby steps. I was watching your eyes pretty much most of the time, breaking eye contact when you'd move your hands or whatever. I'll try and keep doing this on other CZcams videos, unrelated to eye contact.
I work in a supermarket, so I can practice this a lot. When I go out walking through a shopping mall, I try and look at as most people in the eye as I can. I've noticed a lot of people might see you looking first, and then imediately look away.
I'm trying to add a smile aswell, to make myself more appealing and warm for the pretty ladies. Smiling is also hard, it comes to unnatural to me.
Thank you sir.
TaxEvasion I work at a pet store so I have to practice a lot too but it’s not easy. Isn’t it funny that we have to almost learn how to look at people. But it’s not easy for most of us I think. I think for me it’s thinking how they are another part of me somehow, so it should be like talking to yourself but in a different version of you that has uniqueness that we should be interested in learning about
Been watching your videos since yesterday and I am learning a lot of great things every single video. Thank you sir! Im glad I found you in youtube. Hoping to meet you in person (hope that wont make me feel nervous) hahaha
Thank you Dr.Aziz
My problem in maintaining eye contact is, everytime I force myself to look at people in their eyes I concentrate or worry about maintaining eye contact properly and lose what I am about to convey or conceive in the conversation.
It sounds like you just need a lot more practice to become comfortable. This is a skill like any other. Keep practicing to master it!
It's so interesting that I found this video today. To anyone who thinks "If I make too much eye contact, they'll think I'm weird/creepy/etc.," I met with a professional yesterday, first time, and he made serious eye contact, the whole time I spoke or when he was answering me, I mean INTENSE, to the point I caught myself thinking for a split second, "whoa, what's up with this dude?" but which immediately changed to, "Wow, this guy is really listening to me. He's giving me his full attention, he must really care about what I'm saying." You know how thoughts can flash through your head in an instant? That's what this was, and for the rest of the chat, I felt more comfortable, with no thoughts of rushing through to get done because he obviously has other/more important things to do/people to see.
This is way too long to say, simply, I find it flattering and classy when people make eye contact with me.
thank you for this video
Appreciate it homie you’re a big help
My pleasure, thanks for being here!
Once again, awesome content Dr Aziz. You deserve a billion views! ❤️👍
Thank you so much 😀
Thank You
This is a problem I deal with....thanks for sharing!
You're welcome!
I never think of this; practicing eye contact. Thank you for sharing :)
You bet!
I can't keep eye contact cause I feel like I'm being judged. I'm way too self conscious
I totally get it. Keep working on it and apply the exercises and it will improve!
Thanks bro
I used to know someone who'd look at the top of your head when she talked to you. I hated that; it was very uncomfortable. Thank you for making this video--I need to work on better eye contact.
I've always been good with eye contact during conversations. However, I was terrible with looking at people on the street etc., coz I imagine them yelling at me saying "what are YOU looking at???!!!" lol such irrational thoughts man! So now I start looking at people on the street and on the train... And none of those scary imaginations happened in real life! Haha. It is more relaxing to look at people now and I find that this world opened up so much for me! I can even look at the things that other people are using (e.g. phone, newspaper, article etc.). I used to feel that people will get angry at me for looking at their stuff. Now it seems okay! Yay!
I am afraid of giving off a wrong impression by the way I will look at them..
Thank you for being you and the work you do for us!! 🌹🇬🇷
You bet, and keep up the great work!
I realized my eye contact is one of my weaknesses. When i look at people, i get scared because they just look so... serious and they look scary. So i look away or pretend to cough. Thanks.
I noticed that this problem with eye contact occurs to me occasionally and it gets better sometimes..
I really felt that it's not only about confidence and that something else is contributing to it ...
Until I found this article (The Neuroscience of Making Eye Contact)
The most useful info I got is that is related to VOR and cerebellum and it can be improved by working out and playing sports which is cool !
Awesome! Let me know how this progresses for you.
This is my problem you nailed it again doc I can do eye contact to my friends who close to me but eye contact to my boss or someone have a powerful confidence like interviews i hate that I can't sustain during eye contact and i don't know why. but thanks to your videos I'm stepping in and working on it. God bless you
That's the way...identify what is challenging you and be committed to conquering it!
You are a life saver.
Thank you!
This is sooooooo good 👀
Thank you!
hey i love your videos. they have really helped me with overcoming my fears. but i have been struggling with something for a while and thats eye contact in normal life situations, not when you are talking to people. like waiting in a room, walking pass people. i never seem to know where to look...
clipdrift I'm going through the sane thing and what's even worse when I look people in the eye I start to tear up every time that happens I just wish I could disupear
Great video.
Thank you!
it comes when you free your self from anxiety . and anytime you think about it . that is the time you lose control.
Meditating helps a shit ton too! Nice vid man!
Absolutely!
To be confident actually being who you are / this is who I am, people always on your side / they're your why , speaking from eye contact not only staring at the people but to the whole world,
Thank you for sharing.
I'm assuming the reason why I can't make eye contact it's because of low confidence!
It certainly could be, it wouldn't be uncommon at all. This is something we bust right through at my live events. Work on building your general confidence and gradually begin increasing your eye contact a little at a time. You can make tremendous progress in a fairly short period of time.
ultimate video.
Thank you!
Great video
Thank you!
I really want to go to a type of workshop, like you mentioned (for personal growth). Does anyone know of any in NYC?
Just shared it brother! I am writing a book about this right now. Having courage is everything in life!
David Meyer how do u change??
in ur pic u seem strong
I believe you change by understanding that your subconscious mind is 30,000 times more powerful than your conscious mind. Our thoughts become our words, actions, habits, character and destiny. We can change by focusing on thinking more powerful thoughts that focus on success, prosperity, love, harmony, peace, and joy. A book that has been very profound for me is The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, but you have to read it at least three or four times. Then you have to make a strong effort to do the prayers up to 5 times a day and keep planting those seeds in YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS mind which is 30,000 times more powerful than just trying to change your actions alone.
David Meyer thank you :)))
At first ill do it with my self then with myself again with helping talk for device like this(youtube,etc) then with my brother as we express emotions then with some family that to friends then to complete strangers
Contact eyes definitely work, since I started to look at your eyes watching this video I thought you are really handsome... lol.
its a great video for sure and so helpful but what about civil inattention
You're very welcome!
Thnx :)
You're welcome!
2:44 I'm scared of them thinking that I'm staring at them.
I speak well but I realized lately I have bad eye contact so last time while I was speaking to someone who I think has a great personality. I made sure to look right into his eyes as he speaks and I did that until he turned away his eyes, it felt great confidence booster. Most of the time I still make a very bad eye contact but as soon as I realize, I fix my eyes on to other person (specially while listening) until he turns away just get some more confidence. Like you said, facing the fear/hesitation in my case and practice is the key.
I am scared to make eye contact becouse of fear of confrontation and thinking myself they are great, terror, but I am not... and also I feared of what if they won't give respect to me even they are junior...if they won't give me the respect I really gets irritated...these things has been happend in my past.but now I am making little I contact with eveybody ofter when I watched your vedios...tq aziz sir
Keep working on it, don't give up! Try this exercise every day: czcams.com/video/0xUUEWW1baY/video.html
thanku so much for this video .when someone is talking to me i cant make eye contact with them if i talk with someone my voice shakes :((
aziz, when i look someone in the eye my heart rate goes up and i don't know a solution to that. could you help me? its not with everybody just with some people.
AZIZ 46.. I've to try making eye contact during conversation. Most of the time, I really start well but after a while I use to see all around. I totally understand, it was due to lack of Confidence. I'll practice my self and I'll do my best. Unfortunately, in my frndz group I'm the only one who has struggled from this issue. If I see such a person, for sure I'll force them to watch your videos. God BlessU:)
sudhir king you in whatsapp?
nice helpful video... respect for Pakistan :)
Thank you :) and 6:39 was funny
I am going to give you a tip . please make eye contact as much as possible . I am 27 now and I have spent my life looking at the floor . this has made me weak and unconfident . Make eye contact with anyone or as least practice and you will become more powerful.
I wish I masterd eye contact at age 20 or before that I would be a god right now .
I am not hamstrung by an outside focus of control. I live a life of Being a person, with an Inner Focus of control. I meet everyone, with their eyes. Mine, well I can gauge them, by their self-control to my gaze. Yes - I am intense. But I am honest to a fault. You must prove to me, that you are not honest. The eyes are the window to the soul, so why would I not look for my beliefs, inside you. Was I always this way, NO! But I changed myself, one day at a time, one decision at a time, for a life of better. String 16,000 days together and you arrive here, typing on a keyboard. Cheers to you SCC.
That's exactly how positive progress happens!
It's hard for me because i never had a dad and my mom was very abusive, everytime i look at my mom it feels like she is going to beat me so it is hard for me to look at people because i dont want to hurt me. i cant seem to be able to ever look at someone in their eyes
I can certainly empathize with you. Something that goes back so far and may be so deep may require the assistance of a local therapist to help you work through this and rid yourself of a terrible burden.
I'm scared because I have some damage to left eye and am afraid people might notice it. Also I 'm afraid that it might make people feel uncomfortable and they'll look away, well I guess that's there problem not mines. Also afraid of getting into tense/fighting situations. I know most of these are out of my control and are over the top thinking but it can happen, I"ll have to work on this. HERE WE GO!!!
You can do it! Check out this video here on my channel on how not to worry about what others think about you: czcams.com/video/mm3YXvuOb-Q/video.html
Yeah I get that feeling sometimes where I feel tense or like it could cause a fight by looking at someone, especially another guy. But I think that’s just our mind being insecure for a second and trying to fool us. I think if we have the mindset that this person is part of me, equal with me, and think how they have the same or very similar thought process going on that it will defuse the tension and will probably make you smile and feel like we’re talking to a cool dude
@@JBEMurphy Excellent outlook!
Sometimes i end up giving more eye contact that the other person gets nervous and i too become nervous
That's a common experience, usually overcome by just doing a lot more it. Of course, your goal is not to simply stare at someone and give off a creepy vibe. :)
Get More Confidence thank you for the reply..
Your videos are awesome i have watched almost all of it.
You're welcome, and it's great to have you here Beno Binny!
What about the OCD staring(a new psychological disorder) persons?
How do attend your workshops!!?? I’m from Canada
Right now they are all virtual and online. The next one is in July. See the info here: www.socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
I can’t look people in the eyes. It’s been like this forever but I’m trying to fix this while I’m still young but I don’t get it. It just makes me feel awkward and I usually have to look at the floor or around the room during a conversation and I don’t know how to fix it
Dr Aziz it often happens with me when people say something nasty or rude. I want to give it back to them and I able to but I cannot make my eye contact with them . When I start my conversations I look at people but then I look at something else. Sometimes I listen to nasty things feeling I should respond but talk to myself about them and abuse them inside my heart.
Ehsaas Mehta hi I also sometimes have nasty thoughts pop into my head while talking to people but don’t worry, just shake them off and remember they aren’t really how you feel. They mind can be controlled but it also can get away from us without practice like Dr. Aziz said.
Tell someone who you’re close with about your situation and practice. They won’t judge you for thinking that way just tell them that’s not how you really feel, but your mind plays tricks on you sometimes. They might even have the same thing going on and can tell you what they do to overcome it.
Remember what Aziz said, that people actually love eye contact. That makes me remember that by looking at people and making the effort to have a conversation will pay off by making you feel the love that we are inherently meant to feel as human beings.
My kids have been telling me that I have a mean look and that’s the reason why some people feel intimidated… but I just want to make eye contact with them… I have been practicing with my cat… cats hate when people keep eye contact with them cause they interpret it as a hostile position…!
I think it depends on the people who you attract when it comes to eye contact One time at a reunion there was this guy that actually looked at me very deeply through eye contact. It actually felt special to me because I’ve never had anybody look at me like that before and the guy was actually absolutely gorgeous but what I did not know was that he was engaged and I guess I’m attracted to married men when I can’t be attracted to people like that LOL
But unfortunately he was not wearing his engagement ring when he should’ve been at the reunion and it led me on to thinking he was available when he really wasn’t
Then I feel like oh crap I can’t get involved with people like that. I want to be with somebody that is single but there’s not a lot of people that are single nowadays everyone is getting married and I’m the only one that isn’t. It scares me to get involved with somebody because I’m scared that someone else will treat me the same way I was treated from before when I was abused
Every time when I turn around I feel like I’m attracted to someone that’s actually married I don’t like that too well
I never get looked at by single people I get looked at from people who are married More so. I’m just not sure why
The second sometimes I think that when someone’s giving you eye contact and if they’re looking at you it comes across whereas they think that you’re attractive or then again maybe not you never know
I feel that you're in danger of over-thinking situation like this and missing out on your more joyful and rewarding life. Could that be?
Honestly I don’t know maybe But unfortunately I don’t get out much and I don’t drive. But this was back at my reunion back in 2011. There’s just a lot in my mind that I want to share because I’ve been hurt too much I do like life but then there’s times where I don’t
we live in a neurotic society, and neuroticism is contagious, this is why i might feel nervous based solely off of someone else’s uncomfortbility. route conclusion, this society is fucked how we live how we do things is all a sham, materialism has never been this chaotic in human history ever since right before the fall of the great roman empire. this life of luxury cannot sustain itself for much longer
How are you relating this to improving eye contact exactly?
Do we blink while making eye contact? Or blink when we look away?
That question means you're really overthinking this. :)
stifler?
Such small mannerisms, yet powerful.
Yes!
How long are you suppose to hold eye contact??
There's no set time limit, however, do it too long and it could come off as just staring at someone. Try varying the times, a few seconds here and there. Get a feel for it.
Yeahhh
How to maintain the eye contact with teacher in a class when you are feared of that teacher???
Do people think negatively when direct eye contact is done? I feel awkward during direct eye contact in social situations
I can look people in the eye while wearing sunglasses, but as soon as I remove them I get self conscious and nervous and struggle maintaining the eye contact. Any suggestions? Thanks for the video.
I have actually had more than one client with this exact issue, and I've always helped them overcome it. Unfortunately, the answer isn't a quick-fix answer in a CZcams comment. However, it often doesn't take that long. I helped one client overcome this forever in just a single weekend. Of course, it all revolves around confidence and social anxiety issues. Let’s have a conversation and see if we’d be a good fit to work on this together. Reach out to me via the Coaching page on my website here: www.socialconfidencecenter.com/coaching/
Sounds like you have a fear of being truly seen
Look rhem on the nose and mouth
If i dont like the person i avoid eye contact everytime possible.
jose montal That's what people do to me
I can tell when I'm talking to someone and they're training their eye contact with me. It's happened like 2-3 times in my life that I can remember now. It's obvious and awkward
It gets better as you do a lot more of it.
Aziz, when people talk to me I turn my ear towards them, and nod my head while listening, in order to show I'm listening. Is that weird? What image am I giving off?
That you're hard of hearing?
hey aziz, with some people i have no problem in making eye contact.. and with some when i look them in the eyes.. there is strange strong fear in me.. and i began to stare them too long... and if they becomes uncomfortable or if they further dont make eye contact with me... than it makes me super anxious to eye contact with them again... people whom with i face this, in them some people said me that i think alot(but i dont think this is the case actually eye contact fear makes me to satre at them so i suppose they say this)
Don't give up, you just need to find your balance.
@@GetMoreConfidence thanks dear
You bet!
This is an awesome video. People can also think you're being intrusive or immodest (especially, strangers in public). Just yesterday, I was in the waiting room of a doctor's office and noticed a really cute, young couple with a baby. The wife and I exchanged glances a few times, but when I stood up and looked at the husband as I was exiting the room (and it was only because I heard him answer his cell phone), he gave me one of those unfriendly, "What are YOU looking at" looks. I was a little annoyed because I thought they were such a cute family. And this wasn't because of the phone call (I could see he was pleasantly surprised). It was just when we locked eyes that he gave me that nasty look. Often, when I meet someone's gaze and it's initiated by me, they give me a cold, hateful look in return. Unfortunately, your theory has backfired on me. Any thoughts on that?
+Breakthrough Moment You could smile!
+NewComplaintClothing Actually, that's a great reply to my question (and thank you for bringing it up) because perhaps I am looking too serious at times. However, in this instance I was already smiling at the nurse who had called my name. Usually, I have a friendly public persona.
+Breakthrough Moment Then yeah, I could see how that would feel uncomfortable. Oh well, some people are just rude and there isn't much you can do.
NewComplaintClothing Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of rudeness in our society and a general lack of civility these days. People act like they don't have ANY upbringing. Maybe, that's just the Zeitgeist.
You did nothing wrong you can't control how others react
After a while of eye contact i know that have beatifull expression of disgust on my face. It is so embarrassing and emotionally draining becouse I have to be extra nice to people so they don't think I am going to puke.
Are you supposed to look people in one eye or both?
I think it's pretty hard to look at both at the same time for sure. :) I like to casually switch back and forth. Eventually you'll be so into what the conversation is about you won't even think about it.
Would be easy if I wasn't ugly af
+ℬlεnk no bro its not a curse... be confident
That's a story, it's just a belief you have
+ℬlεnk Are you sure you're ugly? Even if you really are, it doesn't need to matter. If you are charming, intelligent, confident and well groomed, people will be very attracted to you.
Same lol
hy
Hello!
What if I look for too long
That's something you'll learn to judge as you get more practice.
I just can't look at my crush for too long it sucks
What stops you from doing that?
It’s hard for me to listen to someone while making eye contact with them. How can I become better at this?
Follow the tips in the video. You can also search my channel for more videos on this.
Nate Hess just look them deep in the eyes and find some bueaty in there. stare the gaze and talk
i feel for me it’s harder to look in the eyes of someone who is noticeably uncomfortable
Try to reduce the time you are making direct contact. Look to the side and come back to their eyes. See what combination makes them feel more comfortable.
observing their uncomfortably,? yo that’s a hard nope for me lmao
Everytime I look at someone they look away or act scared
Gabriel Guzman thats cuz ur ugly
Sorry no offense
Don’t take offense by it. I get like that a lot by everyone. I get thrown off by the visual side of seeing someone rather than the actual message being spoken to me and my mind is like overwhelmed by looking at someone so I look away, but it comes off as being scared or nervous
I'll bet it's not every time. There's a lot to explore here.
when i make eye contact with strangers they get mad. i made eye contact with some random lady yesterday and she got mad and said "What???" and I walked away.
If this happens most of the time I'd recommend getting together with a friend you trust and doing some role playing with him/her to get some constructive feedback on how you're presenting yourself.
I wonder how I look for someone else while looking in to their eyes?
@@mohameds8982 See my comment above. :)
as long as you are trying to do it you wont do it . its a natural behavior . it should
be saved in the mind not intentional .
My forehead hurts when i make eye contact for too long
That's likely a physical symptom of social anxiety. With practice that reaction will fade away.
I get that feeling too. It’s like pressure in my forehead and behind my eyes and my cheeks get flushed. I think we just need more practice like Aziz said. I’m going to try and focus on what it feels like to have a relaxed face and eyes and have that muscle memory for when I start to look at someone. Maybe that will remind me what being relaxed feels like
Pleas help me when I'm trying to look at some one eye I feel nervous and like my tears will down and my eyes going to look and them mouth or in the poobs or dick and I'm really suffering even people they scaring I feel that but I can't pleas help me😭😭😭😭
You're not alone. MANY people have these type of physical symptoms due to social anxiety. You may need more than a simple comment from me here under a CZcams video. Let me suggest some of my resource you can access to begin working on this and freeing yourself from these terrible symptoms...
1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter:
socialconfidencecenter.com/products/5-steps-to-unleash-your-inner-confidence/
In the process, you’ll receive my ebook that has helped thousands of people, “5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence.”
You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers.
2) Subscribe to my podcast here: www.ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com
If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety.
3) Subscribe to my CZcams channel here. (Don’t forget to click on the notification bell icon!) I release at least one new video every week!
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4) Follow me on Facebook! facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura/
5) Browse through my published books on specific confidence issues and how to crush them!
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6) Check out my next live event. These weekend intensive experiences are life changing!
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Sometimes I do it with people on the street, then they start staring back and we end up having a staring contest. What do you do then? I'm in NYC so some people might feel threatened. I also did this once while I was in my car, and the guy was a gangbanger and he wanted to fight me lol
+ceeIoc LOL, do NOT do this with guys, esp. sketchy gangbanger/druggie types in NYC. Do this with the babes.
Smile or greet them show them you're friendly
Sir aap ko Hindi aati hy to Hindi my eye contact pr lecture dy
isnt staring rude ?
Staring is different from plain eye contact DURING A CONVERSATION lol. It's the opposite of rude really, because it shows you're engaged and interested in that person.
OFP I don't know a women was scratching her head when I was starting into her eyes when talking to her
Please please please don't do this on the London Underground.