Are You Using ANGER to Get Up Out of Depression? Try THIS.
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- čas přidán 4. 12. 2022
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Anger is a real, necessary emotion but with CPTSD, anger can become reactive and explosive, causing damage to your relationships and your progress toward healing. Anger can FEEL like a step up out of depression. It can FEEL like it helps you protect yourself from those who would take advantage of you. But these uses of anger are short-term fixes that exact a long term price. Learn how I process anger to get a clear thinking, calm emotions and more choices about how to move forward in life.
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Spot on! from depression to anger back to depression and isolation.... thanks for throwing some light on solutions to fix that.
Thanks for watching! Glad you enjoyed. -Calista@TeamFairy
The Truth will set you free; but first it's going to make you ANGRY.
You are sooo right🎉
Very true ..
Amen
😂and I pray we can laugh about that later
I remember reading the phrase, 'Anger is just sad's bodyguard.' I've often found that to be true for me.
Thank you. I am writing this in my journal. I always thought of anger as a response to hurt. Both having to do with the other person. That keeps focus on them and what they did. Seeing it as the bodyguard to sad focuses on my sad feeling, and what to do about my sadness. Its seems more empowering to see it that way. I think sadness hasn't been talked about much. It's below anger, hurt. A genuine feeling of how wrong doing hurts others in our hearts that prefer kindness. Sadness sees the reality without the tennis match of words going back and forth. This will help me to acknowledge the sadness, stay quiet, walk away and say a prayer for the offender. XXOO
I’m paralyzed at the moment and haven’t even been able to watch your vids. Today is a good day. I knew you’d help… and you did. Thank you and Bless all y’all.
Glad Anna was able to help today. Sending you encouragement - we're rooting for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
You are going to make it! You are here at the right place! I have been working on changing me since finding Anna. And one step at a time I see change in me…so I don’t have to hurt so badly. You got this!
I write an angry letter, sleep on it and pray. Then throw it away. I then decide do I act and speak up about what made angry, or do I forget about the frustrations and move on. Either way I process it. (Anger takes away your joy)
I’m such an angry person sometimes because if my childhood and I hate that I can’t control how I speak to myself and others. I know deep down that’s but the real me because I have a lot of love to give. Idk.
Writing down my feelings has been used against me later. Therefore I don't write anything on paper.
Write it down, then destroy it. Or type it into a blank doc on your computer or phone, then delete it.
Oh boy do I relate to this! A trick I used years ago (and should probably start again) was to write it all down...then I crumpled it up into a metal/fireproof box and burned the paper. Extinguish flames by shutting the lid, then shake it violently lol and when you open the lid the ashes would just float and drift away. Symbolically very helpful.
Bingo. Anything you write or type can and will be used against you. Sadly, that's a fact.
I always buried my anger much like the little you who carefully set vases on the hardwood floor. I didn’t have people point out I was angry because it was stuffed down deep, roiling at a boil constantly. After therapy, I started to recognize the moment I was triggered and would dive immediately into anger, recognizing I was actually feeling an equally strong emotion that I was desperate to avoid. Fear. Sadness. Neediness. After pushing past the anger to the real uncomfortable feelings underneath and growing my tolerance to sit with them, my anger shortened and lessened in intensity.
Marc Maron the comedian said this which I’ll never forget: “The monster I created to protect the child inside me is hard to control”. Rather than controlling it, I really listened to it and asked it what it needed. It fought less when I did that.
It happens for me that once my anger is ‘tripped’ it comes on so strong that I have to dissociate a bit so I don’t act on my FIGHT reflex. This is indeed very bad, because you then don’t respond at all to people being unfair to you or actively harassing you. It’s great that your daily practice can help with that (I keep putting off starting it because I’m afraid to open the floodgates hahaha!)
I have the same problem, it happens so fast I don’t even feel it. Almost like a switch turns on. I wasn’t always like this bad, but I think like she said I was so depressed for so long bc of an abusive relationship with an alcoholic, I used to dissociate so long during the day staring out my kitchen window for hours sometimes 😔 when I realized how mentally Abusive he was I started getting really angry. And now here I am. I’m working so hard on reducing my anger.
Someone who I thought was my best friend at the time told me that I was choosing to be angry and that made me so hurt and also angry because I was literally fighting a war against myself against the anger and when I would lose it would bring such shame over me and have someone tell me that I chose that.
I've been working on it since I discovered complex PTSD and narcissistic abuse and realize that this is pretty much my entire life and the only thing that's working for me right now is I leave a little notes all around my house to remind myself not to go off on my child. I'm even thinking of having a bracelet made for myself to remind me
Sometimes us Traumatic Brain Injury survivors call our short fuses our "HULK"....
Anna, you said something in another recent video - I don’t remember which one - along the lines of, “If talking about your trauma and issues hasn’t helped by now, it’s probably not going to.” Then, while doing the Daily Practice yesterday, my rage intensified until I was pressing my pencil on the paper so hard, it broke. But I remembered you saying that if my anger increases while doing the Daily Practice, I’m likely going too deep into the past. What a groundbreaking idea it is for people who came of age during psychiatry’s embrace of talking therapy to hear that talking can sometimes make things worse. I’m not saying therapy wasn’t useful, because it was. But I’m getting more out of this channel than I did from decades of psychotherapy. Thanks again for everything you do for our troubled tribe.
Troubled tribe, interesting way to describe us seekers. Does feel good to know so many are out there. I learn alot from the comments. XXOO to you all. Enjoy the holidays in whateverbway you can.
If I ever feel in danger or threatened I am overcome with rage I’ve been known to actually beat people up and I’m in my 50s 6foot tall with crazy red hair so I’m scary looking to start with….I’m not surprised I only have one friend..a lovely lady who I am grateful for.thank you so very Anna we all appreciate you ❤
christina~aye, perhaps you are a Highland Warrior Woman... or your Ancestors were? 😊 Much love to you. I get the anger, but it can be converted into productive energy at times. I have learned to do that, but I am still challenged myself so I just keep going.
God's Grace, Mercy and Joy to you (spirit, soul, and body) as you continue on your Journey of Truth.~
My mom was bi polar and extremely angry screaming at everyone. I sort of caught the anger.
The ladder makes me think of polyvagal theory. Dorsal vagal at the bottom (shutdown, numb, depressed) then up a step to sympathetic state (fight flight) but ultimately we want to be at the top in ventral vagal state (safe and social) grounded and relaxed. I love writing down my feelings and thoughts. It definitely helps clear the brain noise. I love the idea of a releasing statement.
And polyvagal theory says you have to pass through fight/flight to move from shutdown to ventral vagal, so I think anger is part of the picture of healing, but people can get stuck there. Building the strength of one's vagal break (the influence of the social engagement system on the heart etc) is supposed to help people not get stuck in unhealthy anger.
When I was a teen, I had to go to "anger management" counseling (1990's)..... I was angry because I was being emotionally, mentally, physically abused by my stepdad, and everyone else didn't want me to talk about it. Hush, hush, keep it down, voices carry.... The anger management counselor told me I was angry because my stepdad married my mom, and we had to move into his home which is much smaller..... According to him, I was "lying" about my stepdad abuse, because I was angry my mom remarried.... That was not why I was angry.....
Wow. That makes ME angry. So much of that kind of crap has gone on, gaslighting teens.
This hit home yet again!
I'm *just* getting in touch with anger. I have fawning down to a T, i mean so sweet you'll wanna puke, but just a few months ago I got angry *for* myself for the first time ever.
I'm the youngest of 4 and have a very co dependent mom. She's has a heart condition among other physical ailments and her own cptsd issues. Well, being the sweet kid, ever since I remember I imagined taking care of her until she died. I grew up being her best friend and caregiver.
About 8 months ago, she developed dementia. It hit us all very hard but of course, I was the one to really take care of her.
Unfortunately, this was about the time I started seeing what our relationship really was and what my 35 years of life has been. What an inopportune time lol!
I felt so much anger for my siblings for leaving me with a sick woman when I was a kid and again when she got dementia, I had so much anger toward myself for allowing me to be treated this way and taken advantage of, and I felt so much anger toward life in general for being so painful, but seemingly passing me by.
Anyway, the anger did bring me clarity of the situation and I'm in my own apartment, keeping a job, and working on my marriage which was strained by me taking care of my mother all the time. I reached out to my siblings, let them know my resentments toward them from the past and our relationships are the strongest they've *ever* been. My mama is in an ok place and has a team of professionals to help her through the throws of that god-awful disease.
Now, seeing as this is a "new" emotion for me, this Daily Practice has been very helpful in navigating this because it felt to good to speak my truth, as they say, but I definitely don't want to kill the moment by just lashing out at everybody lol. *sigh* anger is rough dude! 🙏💗💗💗
Boy, this video sure was timely for me. Every single point of it hit home.
I grew up very similar to you and I tried to suppress my anger and blew up after much abuse with my husband so sadly it was like I repeated the cycle. My ex husband like my father was an alcoholic, he stopped drinking and started and stopped and started... he was also a womanizer and hurt me so much in many ways.. we fought all the time until I had enough....22 years with this man who never wanted to be accountable for anything and blamed me...even when he cheated it was my fault so I asked for a divorce...I still feel anger very intensely at times but I speak my mind now when I feel angry and as a result no longer stuff it so less explosions. It is a very difficult thing when you grow up with those examples. Life is harsh in that way... I mean repeating patterns until we learn... Thanks for your videos! God bless you!
Thank you for talking about this. When I get pushed to a point where I get angry, really angry. I can get real mean when I am pushed to my breaking point. I don't like myself when I get like that. It is almost as if I dissociate myself, and an "angry self" comes out to defend myself.... I even had a name for this self because it would come out when I was angry and in super defence mode.... And it goes too far. Not physical, but definitely in my wording, written or said out loud. Then later when I am calmed down, I realize what a brat I was for being so angry (even though it was in my self defence)... Then apologize for my behavior.... aaaaand The toxic person likely smiles inside, cause they caused me to snap..... The worst is when I have an emotional flashbacks, and lash out with angry words, text, or email.... And then send it.... Later on.... I feel like crap cause I reacted angrily and was hurtful. 😞 Working on this... First step is recognizing the problem, so I am part way there. Starting to listen to my anger before I burst like a volcano. Is my anger showing me I need to get away from a toxic person or situation? Is this anger for good reason? Write it down, journal, journal, journal. Don't send angry messages, don't say angry words to people, write it in the journal.
I’ve been angry my entire life! I’m 56. I’m an adult adoptee from an alcoholic home. I’ve done all sorts of therapy, I’ve done all sorts of healing practices and right now I’m struggling with burnout and my anger is off the charts again. I’ve been eating too much sugar and not walking or working out, which always make me feel so much better!
I prayed you understand the anger, where it came from and what to do from here on out. XXOO. Hope answers come soon.
My anger isn't usually top Level until I have people coming AT me. They are trying to talk over me, get me to "just calm down and listen" etc... when all I need in that moment is for THEM to just shut the hell up and let me speak. I would be totally happy to listen to them once I have been allowed to speak. But that never happens. Then they label ME as "the crazy one". As far as festering anger, I don't think I ever used that to get out of depression, I have always just allowed into my depression. I don't do that now. I have better means of handling all of emotional states.
I find that reminding myself of the the things that made me joyful before depression or anger paralisys helps me. Dont take any action, just remember.
Love that. Re engage in those things. I light a candle, put on Pandora and dance in my sweet little house. 💃
Wow, I happened upon one of your videos today and now I’m binge watching many of your videos. I feel like you are speaking right to me.
THANK YOU so much for this channel.
Do you think your ability to keep your space decluttered and clean and CPTSD is related? I would like to hear about decluttering and CPTSD. Thank you.
I was severely humiliated onced I got angry with someone, I received rages, name calls and mockeries because I asserted my boundaries. I didn't insulted the person I just expressed my dissatisfaction and tried proposing alternatives that can assist me but the person interpreted it as a provocation and rage at me instantly... took me 3 years to heal and now I am boiling with anger 24/7.
This is the technique Anna teaches:
bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am hardly ever angry. Looking forward to watching this
Hope you find it helpful. - Ashley, Team Fairy
You see that’s the problem I wasn’t always this angry
If exocise my devils, my angels to may leave too Tom Waits
Thank you Thank you Thank you ❤️
I’m doing my anger work now. Looking forward to this video.
Hope you find this one helpful! - Ashley, Team Fairy
I saw your comment & channel name & just had to ck your channel. Best of luck in the world these days!!!!! 🙏🙃🙃🤯🥰
@@HeathuRRRR thank you and you too :)
Good timing. Thank you! 🧡🙏
So glad! Thanks for listening. -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for this. Regular therapy just made me angry at the people who had hurt me. In fact the therapists were angry about what I told them. It's true it only made things worse. Being angry just pushes everyone away.
My husband had an awful upbringing and has depression issues so he started seeing a therapist in december and has been so angry wince he started therapist it almost ruined our marriage his outbirsts and stuff were awful. I didnt realize other people have had that reaction from therapy too!
This made me cry
Saved this video, like how you can look back and laugh a little. Appreciate the advice as always.
Yes me too! I get so much sh** from people when I start laughing at terrible things that have happened to me but I'm like.... it feels awesome to laugh about it lol! Sometimes it's good medicine
@@rachaelmacnair7133 I’m sorry to hear about those people…yes! Exactly…you can be sad and mopey or you can laugh about it! I think laughter is the best option. Otherwise negative emotions build up. It’s better to let them go.
Had a similar childhood, sorry to hear.
Wow! Such a powerful video, thank you as always. The contrast you endured, to evolve as an amazing human being, an earth angel for *us*. 💫🙏
you are so smart, it's unbelievable
So kind of you to say. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I have ADHD and anger makes me be able to get motivated. I am trying not to get angry to get motivated. Now, I can’t figure out how to get things done without getting angry at myself or others.
Excellent ❤
😢😮💨 I have this problem. I get so triggered around my family members. None in my family knows boundaries and I'm only new to them, which really increases my anger and irritation when they r not being held. Even towards my brother which I can't stand cuz he is the last one who needs being meet with anger. (He does wrong things to get me started but no near the level of anger he receives cuz he gets the anger I have held in for so long from everyone. I guess it's because it's always the same issues and criticisms that it goes so far up cuz earlier anger wasn't enough) He is clearly the family Scapegoat and I think he might subconsciously act towards that role.. it's complicated, I, he, our family is quite the mess. How do I controle myself when I feel triggered or downtrodden by narcissists? Cuz there are a few of them and a lot has rubbed itself of on how my anger come out 😕
Its alot to expect ourselves to be in such negative energy and not react. As little contact as you can, short answers, little eye contact with abusers. Try Dr Les Carters narcissist videos. XXOO
I'm one of the people for whom anger is actually useful as a means to not fall into despair, and one of the steps after that which works for me was to find a framework by which I could turn it more towards righteous anger and calling things out. I did this by happening across a story which featured a character (in my case, two) who had a personality like mine who had responses that were more well-adjusted than just blind rage. And incorporating that. Sites like Cinema Therapy can sometimes help find these sorts of pieces, as can character personality quizzes. The most comprehensive of these quizzes I've found is a 5000 character personality quiz. Last I checked, they don't include a lot of anime characters outside of Avatar the Last Airbender, though, so if it happens that your personality is like that of an anime character who is portrayed as good (and whose behavior is called out when it's less than good) in a show that doesn't glorify violence as an answer (yes, those exist, anime is a highly varied form of media), you might not find that there.
@@Thomasfrohwitter I'm fine today. Mind you, when I say I find anger helps free me from depression, I don't mean I go all she-Hulk and keep anger on me all the time. I'll explain down below, but keep in mind that this is a general thing, not how I'm feeling now.
When I say anger can help free me from depression, I mean when I find myself in a form of panic or despair that can't be resolved by distraction, a walk, or family connection, that sort of thing needs a little bit of anger (not rage, just plain anger like the hero in a story might show) as a steppingstone to get me back on track.
Anger helps keep me on track by reminding me that the reason I was upset about this specific thing was someone's behavior upset me (because those particular feelings tend to follow when another person's behavior is upsetting), and that these feelings WEREN'T caused by everything suddenly being objectively hopeless or me being in the crosshairs about to be captured by people akin to the ones who abused me who aren't in the room right now and currently have no power to actually capture me.
In other words, the anger prevents me from becoming paranoid or suicidal (and from relapsing into the alternating state of suicide and panic I'd been info the last few years barely hanging on with the aid of distractions). That's what it's for.
That is what I mean, for me personally at any rate, when I say anger can be freeing for me. That, and also remembering what morals I actually believe (a thing I was trained to ignore to some extent with my abusers' constant mantra of "gotta see it from their point of view", stated and implied in multiple ways)
I lost my partner due to my anger. When I get anxious and things don't go to plan, I get so angry. I have no control over what I say or do. He always said that I did have control. I felt attacked then, that he was saying that I should have control over my mental illness, when I had seen psychologists and psychiatrists and had gotten nowhere. I tried to change, but it just keeps happening. I had childhood trauma, but I also had another trauma as an adult. I feel stuck. And now I don't have the one person who actually cared.
Best to have silent anger. You get away with everything. What are teaching? Be predictable PLEASE 🙏
I have a problem when I do the daily practice. When I say I have resentment because I have fear I feel that repeating I have fear of this I have fear of that makes me get in a fearful state does anyone have any suggestions on how to not be fearful.
I understand what you mean. When I do that resent prompt I try to think of it as taking ownership of that resentment by admitting I fear the repercussions of that resentment... haha does that make sense lol 😆
Hello Miss Anna I was wondering if you had ever heard of a channel called Grace at sunrise? She is a Christian lady who is trying to help other people addicted to Kratom to get off of Kratom. Her approach is much alike Susan Pierce Thompson's approach in bright line eating. She and most of her subscribers were/ are addicted to Kratom because of symptoms of trauma, myself included. I just thought that you might be interested.
You and Grace at sunrise and bright line eating are literally my whole plan right now. She's not giving medical advice or anything she is just sharing her experience for other people who may have given up hope by now.
At times I feel like giving up. Sometimes my symptoms anxiety,rage,freeze make me feel so helpless. Can't afford therapy really neither the courses u offer. What to do
Hey Anna...just a question,
What makes someone not do the things they know that would help them heal from cptsd?
I have adhd and cptsd and I've been going to therapy for years... but frequently don't do the homework set.
I'm angry at myself for holding myself back, perhaps homework feels selfish or I lack spoons, or I'm so scatterbrained that I just can't organise my life enough to get ontop of it.
Is this a common issue? I really do want to heal.
if it makes you feel relief, you'll be drawn to do it. Try this: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
OMG yes. I am p’d at the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially after trying to stay ahead my entire life, losing it all before Covid & h a t i n g everything in the world these days since then!!!!!!!!!!!!! Going on 3 yrs, I think I’ll try to chill.
Dear Anna - i dont know if there is such thing as 'seasonal anger' but my parents seperated 3 months before the summer holidays when i was 19 , slowly it became a time of dread , it got really bad - no swimming, no Christmas ect , i wanted none of it - last year i made a effort to change and spend Christmas with my mom , she died 4 months after and i feel doomed in sone way to be let down during this time - however i decided not avoid or isolate like before , i accepted my dad's request to spend Christmas with me , along with his wife - while i am excited and making the most of this time , however those years of avoidance and isolation fermented into anger that ice never really dealt with in a healthy way and i would very much appreciate if you can talk about the blended family and Christmas fear or avoidance, which i think alot of people might struggle with - Adult children with blended families or Adults in new blended families might cause alot of Anger or resentment from someone and atleast for my own behaviour i want to know how i can deal with it in the swing of things - i really want to enjoy it this time -
Bad memories do get stuck sometimes, but the solution isn't the memory. Today I'm reminding people to use the Daily Practice techniques I teach. This is a free course, and it shows you how to move those bad things out of you, twice a day, so you have space for good new thoughts and energy. It saved my life. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you ☺ ive gotten some note pad in various places in the house where i usually sit , so i can do the daily practise at anytime , ive done it a few times and it has helped me alot , usually its things id never talk about , like a coffee shop in ny street leaving their blackbags on the pavement causing lots of flies and homeless people , id not be able to complain to them but i could write it out and felt tons better - thank you for sharing this information and also reminding because it takes consistent effort for it to help me -
My anger boiled over when I punched a wall and got a boxers fracture. At this point I can’t even remember what pissed me off so much, which is funny since at the time it was so bad that I wanted to be violent.
💛
I have been watching your utube channel for several years. However I must disagree with you on this. I am 58 years old and was raised in an alcoholic violent family. I started my healing in alanon at 18. I have tried just about everyting to heal during that time. First thing is there is nothing wrong with healty anger. We have thr Right to be angry at what happened to us as children. I will say this......doing anger work changed my lfe. It is probably the number one thing. Also, I have done extensive inner child work. That is one thing I don't hear you discuss. I am now for the most part mentally healthy. With all the rage and violence going on in the world......could possible be solved if people Really knew how to deal with anger. I have sponsored over 100 women over the years and this is the number one thing I see. The inner anger casuses people to sabatage themselves and others. Feel free to reach out to me. I don't want to come across critical but it might be good to rethink this.
Im not saying STAY angry. once you do thr work, there is alot less anger. I took me about two years.
writting angry letters to the people I was recentful at helped. Of courrse, I do NOT suggest sending the letters. Throw them away or burn them, all you need to do is release the anger. Hurting someone with your anger is not acceptable and will not help you HEAL.
💖
Me too - I’d get up at 6am and clean up all the smashed glass one morning the poker from the fire was in the tv 🙏 I became introverted and minded my ma and da and put them to bed 🙏 my older brother minded me he was only 4 years older unfortunately he passed away in January my dads in a b nursing home mam has cancer and I’ve no siblings left. My brother hugged me in November last year when I going through what I thought was a breakdown he said it’s not your fault we grew up in a mental asylum 🙏 I’ve had a few anger outbursts in my adult life and am very discerning about who I let into my life - after my outburst I crash and hit the bed for the day in depression/ I’m in recovery haven’t drank in20 years and done a lot of inner work on codependency/ but got severely emotionally and psychologically damaged last year by a doctor who manipulated me, had me in cognitive dissonance and eventually a trauma bond. He then made a sexual undertone comment and I terminated the therapeutic relationship it was the aftermath that affected me because after I called him out he became very angry, stonewalled me, I asked for healthy closure and he ignored me.my brother rang too he would not speak to him either / I called him a narcissist with plenty of supply but he met his match with me I reported him. But I honestly felt like I took a breakdown in emergency room 5 times full of fear that’s when I stayed with my brother for a few days. What hurt most is he is s professional to help me not abuse me. But now I’m healing my old inner wounds he triggered - abandonment