It can be helpful to understand that the abuse that was endured was not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get the F away from the abuser, heal & rebuild. Remember , “never let the same dog bite you twice”! Thx Richie
The hardest part of my story, is the ex accuses me of being the narcissist and abuser. But, I know who I am. I know it's untrue. But she's told my children, friends, even therapists.. and they believe her. Crazy to be accused of being the thing you're a victim of.
I already had this experience 20 years ago and was looking for answers. I found a script by Dr. Walter Andritzky that explains this situation in detail. It seemed to me that I was reading the script of my own story. There is always a perpetrator-victim perversion and it is almost always the same pattern. I have observed this with many single mothers. Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Thank you, Richard, for your insights. Even thought I left an abusive, malignant covert narcissist 5 years ago after a 35 year marriage and went no-contact, I still feel the tug of the "fantasy". Your clarification has helped me see this with a new perspective.
So relatable as they idealise you then discard. He was i thought my soulmate. But then they can be anything they want. It's all manipulation and control. Sending healing vibes
It feels like this video was made for me. For years I got stuck with lying, manipulative man of behaviour of a stroppy 5 years old. I became his mother, carer, bank, a life line basically. For years I had the feeling that I was coming back home to my little child. He was cute at times. I finally took steps to discover extent of his lies and manipulations. He is a master. Coldblooded with no shame. I feel like I have never known him. Just planning my exit
"...Grieve that you'll never get those things with/from that person" ... that's where I am, all those promises were nothing but fantasies in his own mind, lies he believes. See, from his point of view he doesn't lie because his lies are his reality. He believes his own lies.
I have watched hundreds of videos on narcissistic abuse and how to overcome. This is the ONLY VIDEO that has actually helped me to understand the “why”. Knowing that there is a third entity (taking the attention and focus off him) and that you need to pick it apart and deconstruct it is so helpful I don’t even know what to say. THANK YOUUUUU!!!! I feel hope that there is a way to get out of this fuckery I’m in. You are appreciated very much.
This predictable pattern of treating their loyal partner's harshly when they become ill or injured is what I loathe the most about the cold-hearted, selfish narcissist.
@@steadypace1262 same here and it's one of the main reasons I have decided to leave. To know that the person you would care for and love would just dump you when you need them the most is incomprehensible
This was the most powerful tool for my healing: To disconnect by separating my dreams and goals from the other person and take back my responsibility and power. Thank you, Richard!!!!!!!!!!
Excellent 👌 Absolutely correct when he says you're not breaking up with the person, you're dissolving the fantasy relationship, it's the fantasy relationship that you have to let go of. That's what hurts. That's what you're missing, it was never about that person. Finally total person responsibility. When we see that we do this then we won't enter into these relationships anymore, we just won't attract those experiences anymore.
I like to think: Nobody deserves anything, but we do all need to do better for others and ourselves! Keeps us from getting into the mental traps of entitlement. Keeps expectations fair (for us and others).
I am from England, you can have no idea how my ex narcissist was afraid of me watching your videos. He would almost act possessed, he was so intimidated that he would say that you were evil itself and I should not watch your content. Talk about a twist of reality and that is how he is, constantly twisting reality. I am now living in a refuge lol! Thanks for the content and an f you to the ex I am still watching.
I’ve detached completely from my narcissistic relationship…. thanks to you Richard and Sam V I’ve been deeply traumatised by my ex husband both emotionally financially but the worst trauma of all is he has alienated me from my 2 daughters.. I’m strong and do not allow this to effect me. I am so grateful to you for giving me the insight to totally see what is going on. Can I rescue my daughters .. please help
It's their intent to distroy you. If not that to dismantle your life, social, financial support. Removing your daughter's was always going to happen. They can't allow you any supportive relationships at all.
What would you do if your children were held captive by a cruel enemy in war? You would go in and free them and if necessary kill the enemy! It's the same except society doesn't allow this so you have to think of ways how you would help someone thats captive without the enemy knowing? Leep contact , give options, give freedom, give support and give hope that it will come to an end and it will. We should all strike across the world to make parental alienation criminal offense for no less than 5 years imprisonment then the world will notice
I'm 62 and still "work" on the devastation of my life and divorce which happened 20 years ago. Like you, my two sons don't want to see me, they seem to repeat their father's behaviour. I write every morning, relax listening to Eckhart Tolle,. I understand you, you are not alone, We are courageous.... A maturation to not drown is at work inside...Wish you appeasement and inner love.
You can love them unconditionally even from a distance and even if it isn’t reciprocated. Just be consistent and if you can, pray for them and give them in the hands of God.
@@dreamofskye7400 I’m not planning to reciprocate the betrayal has erased whatever hope I had left with my 32 year old daughter that discarded me 10 years ago and all the time I reached out all I got was rage and hatred and wants to destroy me emotionally. I always made her my priority as a single mother. She has my x husband narcissistic personality.She betrayed me and there was not even one ounce of remorse from her part all the suffering she has caused me.
So true the guilt took me there over and over again…I too Richard Course and did a lot of work with therapy, codependency work, massive work and massive pain to feel the guilt shame until they left me…one day at the time enjoying my freedom and remembering who I am…
Just found this video. All I can say is that this is absolutely unbelievably spot on. It is soooo right, and yes it made me cry, because I now recognize and accept the fact that I am in the middle of this hell with her. Thank you for sharing!
This makes sense. It is a mindf***, but I see it. I was in SAME shared fantasy with ex husband (who is on the spectrum) and with my more recent ex (per trauma therapist has NPD). Different levels of abuse, same fantasy. In process of destroying that fantasy and grieving loss of my deepest desire. Thank you Richard for your candor and brilliant insight. Very grateful for your work.
Shared goal - fixing him and ensuring that my role was to make sure he lived his best possible life. I’d come from a solid, loving family and he didn’t. Classic victim/saviour dynamic. Thank you for your videos. It’s been 5 years post leaving, your gaslighting video (where you play the role of narc) floored me and I’ve been crying for days now. I had so much love to give and I adored him (although he never actually existed - that’s another level of grief) You even look a bit like him so that was a bit triggering too. Eeek. But it was healing and cathartic and I didn’t even know I needed it. Talk about ripping off the veil… Very grateful but feel emotionally exhausted. It’s hard to articulate this but I feel as though perhaps I have always been living in an alternate universe and have been pulled down to the earth with a harsh THUD. I’m having to reconstruct a whole new version of reality. Pollyanna who???
Still angry as a self-described intelligent and confident woman, that I got “HAD” in such a text book way. My ego is wounded too. Lol. Just being honest.
Wheeeeee!!!! I’m not trapped any more and thank god am blessed to have the luxury of relaxing a bit in a safe space, to learn and heal. I’m enjoying all the rides Richard is taking my brain on this past six months 🤪😂😂😂🤷🏻♀️ I am starting to feel my self again, and my stubborn confidence and determination of knowing myself is coming back. I’ve spent the past 15 years with abusers filling my head full of shit about my self and what I should let slide or feel guilty about. It’s all ozzing out like Diarrhoea now 😝😂😂😂🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ if it didn’t come from my own heart, I just wanna get it out already. I have spend LOOOOTTTS OF DAYS in shadow this past couple months…but it’s all lead to a lot of crazy ramblings and realizations about my self, after it all oozes out in his comment section of course 😂😂😂 just trying to help his algorithms 😂🤪🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ It’s definitely been interesting 🤷🏻♀️ I’m grateful for it all. We are breaking generational cycles. ALL Our grand babies and descendants will have a much healthier stronger genetic make up for it. ❤❤ I don’t know any thing about it but I’m sure cell memory is a real thing… and all this trauma carries with our cells not just our energies through the generations
Well said Richard, thanks for your brilliant insights! 💡💐💖 I've been thinking on this and there's just one point I beg to differ on, which is that when we get out, it's ourselves we miss, not them. Narcs are empty vessels who fill themselves with demonic spirits that steal others character traits by entering open inner child wounds they heal then reopen and salt, so we're not ever really dealing with their true self which died long ago, it's really all about us, not them. We consented to the narc giving our inner child everything it needed to thrive then they took it all back. I think it's a good idea to go back at least once to look that thief in the eye, fiercely take back what was stolen, own our role of consenting to be messed with then rebuild our relationship with our inner child ourselves as the narc showed us through nurturing reparenting dialogue, then we can work to restore ourselves to whole and integrate our soul's (mind, will and emotions) connection with our higher self's God sourced energies. 😎✌️
@@amandam4148 You're welcome Amanda, thanks for your feedback. 💞 It's hard to get our heads around and even harder to describe at times, much like : The Portal to infinity ✨ “Heed these words, you who wish to probe the depths of Nature: If you do not find within yourself that which you seek, neither will you find it outside. If you ignore the wonders of your own house, how do you expect to find other wonders? In you is hidden the Treasures of Treasures. Know Thyself and you will know the Universe and the Gods.” ~ The Oracle of Delphi 👁️💖✌️
I am so relieved to hear & read that here! I absolutely felt like he was my child, and I was responsible. I even told friends at the time that I felt like I was the only adult in our relationship, and I couldn't leave him out of fear of him ..... being lost in life? Abandoning him? It felt so real!! Nobody ever understood what I meant. They kept telling me: he's a grown man! He had a life before you, and he was fine!....f*** the matrix!
This video is very cathartic. The words alternative reality are helping me move on from the damage regards a highly toxic relationship with a narcissist which lasted for 16 months. It was hell. I'm now free and healing. Thank you Richard. Love your channel
Catching up from Florida 😊 Heal Heal Heal and Heal some more. The journey is hard and painful but once you have mastered the art of being FREE from the BS oh how sweet life is. FREEDOM! ❤ Remove what is unnecessary in your path. We NO longer allow mediocrity in our path! Thank You Richard! 💋💜 Keep Shining BRIGHT!
After you have explained it so well I try to look at the npd dynamic as a scientific equation. Completely devastating experience to see the truth, nonetheless. There is definitely a loss of innocence that I feel. Growing up is hard to do. Bittersweet.
By the time I escaped my relationship I realized that I really underestimated how dangerous my exhusband was because he didn't physically abusive me and I really wanted to believe he wouldn't cross that line. I was wrong and it nearly cost me my life. I no longer feel guilty at all, but it does still make me sad to know that he is still stuck in that cycle and his children now have to see it. I have no desire to be around him at all but still don't wish him harm. My brother reminded me that if he was capable and interested in changing then we would still be together. I knew that but I needed to hear it from someone else to really process it. Sometimes just confirmation can be very helpful.
I'm so grateful for this video. After a few narcissistic relationships it's wonderful to have real friends that care in relationship not relational trauma. It is difficult to see others in these relationships .... Not being attached is work when it comes to family.
A year ago my dealings with a would-be friend, a narc, unravelled unhappily due to her abnormal expectations of me but there was this creepy underlying feeling that I was ‘mummy’. I still can’t get this episode out of my head. She was the manipulating user, and I don’t feel guilty, but just frustrated that she is still in my head. There’s no contact. Your explanation Richard is helping to understand this whateveritwas.
I never thought about our relationship as a third entity but you're completely correct... it was as though together we had a third way of presenting to each other. Something that was not her or me. I was only able to break away from "it" with the tremendous guilt of a failed parent... Thank you so much for the great video!
Thanks, Richard! it's not easy to undo this third element, but I rely on videos like this one, to keep on thriving and remember everyday what my goal is
So the narcissist projects his phantasy self into that shared space and lures you in. A bit like Plato's cave. I have to stop looking and live in the real world. What a great analysis. One issue is that I never wittingly agreed to this construct, it's like being bait for the predator. He got a real person and I believed in the shell. Definitely a failed investment.
I had a feeling this was the case but not able to clearly map it out in my head. (Day 3 no contact. Very raw still). That really helped put it all together. And visuals just do something in terms of connecting dots psychologically for me. This was really helpful as I was thinking of calling him and now, yeah think I'll leave it. Like, forever. Ahaha. Thankyou 😊
Hearing this is really scary.. Literally every time I get sucked back in it’s because of overwhelming guilt, I hear myself promising him, “I won’t abandon you like your mother did” 😳😳😳… something I said 12 years ago.
This makes so much sense in explaining why after leaving my ex I desperately try to remain in contact for him to rectify why I felt so horrible. But he couldn't. He didn't have the answers. It literally is that me and him created this monster that was causing me the emotional distress, but he was a mere mortal who couldn't have done anything.
From the US. I told him once that I felt like I loved him like my son. I also felt like a child most of the time in that relationship. I think watching these kinds of videos might be my last way of tapping into that matrix…a little nostalgia. How weird.
"...the honeymoon period...maybe two hours, two days, maybe I'd get four days...". Yes, it was that short-lived. I'd go back to him sometimes for the guilt I felt in abandoning him, but also to end the drama and chaos that ensued after I'd broken things off. Two days of reprieve meant two days without a string of 100 viscious texts, or him coming to my workplace to harrass, or him continuing the smear campaign. What a crazy time of survivalism. And yet, I am still tethered after a year of no contact. This video explains why.
Something I find really interesting is that the audience for these videos is mostly people have been through this abuse themselves. There is a second category of people watching this content: people who have friends or family members experiencing narcissistic abuse who are doing whatever they can to help. And I wonder how much the advice would change, or be unique, if we were talking to those trying to help others…
I believe more people practice narcissistic behaviors than are clinical narcissists. People, relate to those of us far too often for it to be so unappealing.
I've watched a lot of your videos and all were amazing. However, this one is best video out there that I've seen. What you articulated in such a short period of time is mindblowing. I can't speak for others but I felt essentially that you were talking about me, I mean down to the words used. Thank you this video helps me so much. Thank you 🙏
Yes. Plus your fight or flight kicks in as well. Plus they know what causes trauma & triggers you, he does it with intent. Lying, cheating, purposely not doing what they say you they will. Anything everything to upset you.
This will sound so harsh to someone who hasn't been through this. If a guy tells me he had a bad childhood, I'll run in the other direction. Suffered 2 narcs. feeling sorry for them.
Thank you. Your videos are so helpful. After three years of Coda 12 step groups as well as four year training as a Psychotherapist I still didn't completely 'get it'. Your videos fill in the missing pieces.
16 years of abuse and me trying to get out so hard and the newest things 'my' narcissists come up with is that they have Attention Deficit Disorder... not narcissism....
Its the realisation of my co dependent behaviour and being seen. Grieving the fantasy and the times when my gut knew i should have walked away. Perth Australia.
Wow this is bang on, and reiterates how toxic the new age and twin flame community is, I spent years following the advice that imagination is creation and that we are multidimensional (so my feeling him all the time was reality in another space), god now I feel like a fool, so much love I gave for years after we said goodbye.
The narcissist took me here. Yep he did. But I am going to come back stronger than ever. Keep educating people but the truth is some narcissists can hide for years as long as they need something from you. After that it is game over
Richard, my savior, in this video you have outperformed your self in almost all other content you have posted. It is direct , sincere and so amazingly spot on that in almost 10 minutes , you ve summarised all the drama and conflict someone living this life endures.. This video is another brick on the wall of assistance for me, and am so grateful to you! God bless you
It's SUCH A HARD pill to swallow... Realizing that you fell in love... Hard... With an absolute lie BUT AS SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER HAD HOPE OR FAITH IN ANYONE... I AM HERE TO TELL ANYONE READING THIS.... THERE IS HOPE! AND IF I CAN DO IT... ABSOLUTELY ANYONE CAN!! It's difficult, and it's painful.. and you will probably falter a time or two... Find a "rebound".. do WHATEVER you need to do.. to just break the chains. 'grey rock'.. LEAVE THE STATE OR WHEREVER YOU ARE... Whatever effort it takes is WORTH IT . I PROMISE
Your work has helped me so much over the last 3 years. I hope to take your course as a celebratory finale to this journey. I have healed so much and come out of the matrix, but I will be touching into the conversation here for a while longer. Maintenance! ❤
OMG THIS JUST EXPLAINS EVERYTHINK ABOUT ME AND MAKES ME THINK NOW AFTER YEARS I ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP. HE CAN EXIT MY BRAIN KNOWLEDGE IS POWER SAYING THANK YOU 2 YOOU IS AN UNDER STATEMENT
Omg the thinking they're in your phone-part. 😮 I thought I was losing my mind. I know they're not accessing my phone. But somehow I got very creeped out and into the thought that they somehow are watching everything I do.
As someone who watched Richard extensively for years but haven't needed him since about 2020, I can tell you that all of my ex's are doing just FINE, even though I feared the worst for them when trying to escape.
Why no mention of the childhood origins of this mutual projection that only works between adults who learned this attachment fantasy/story/narrative as very young children... In my experience, the spell only truly breaks once one grieves the childhood trauma that made it possible.
Thank you very much! This was wonderful! I love how you talk about investigating what the shared fantasy is and dissecting it. You are right in that it’s not about the other person; it’s about what we are afraid of and why are giving all of our power away. I do think it’s possible to be friends with this person again in time, but it really requires both people undergoing radical transformations. That can take years. As a follower of Christ, I now put my faith in God which has helped me so much. That, and videos such as this one. Thank you again Richard for all that you do. You have helped me so much. If I may say this prayer for you, God bless you in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen. 🙏
THE RELATIONSHIP HAS FAILED YES AND THANK GOD BUT I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT ME ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE IF I DIDNT ENTER THIS MATRIX NOW AND ONLY NOW MAYBE I CAN FIND SOMENTHING REAL U GAVE ME THE TOOLS WHICH PENETRAYED MY MIND SO EASILY LIKE WATER FOR A THIRSTY BRAIN
Laughed when the word provoked came up - I wrote a poem called Provoked for someone I once shared the fantasy space with. How very apt - loving the content as always Richie...
Thank you Richard. Simulated reality. It was very heavy... I agree. I dissolved it and that person is trying to come back. I just blocked him again... True... They do not have the power... 💪I must be strong or have a Loveless relationship... No more giving away power.... ✨🕯️👏💫💞
Wow, thank you for all those wise words. It’s a step to take your own responsibility and not play the victim. Just be honest and take the lead! Then you able to move on and become stronger for the future 🌹
I’m so sorry you have gone through this. What you are doing with those experiences is remarkable and commendable. My therapist and many others do not understand sadism nor this about shared famtasy. I’m glad you brought up the latter because it’s been on my mind. Today I said to myself, “I cannot believe he is who he is.” Yet.....the mind fuckings he is able to perform is quite thorough for just that reason. It’s how he develops the shared fantasy. I’ve really hated talking with my therapist about this because it seems to me everyone is operating from that same realm. They seem to want to believe it just cannot be. Yet.....it is. Having destroyed my career, finances and relationships, yes he did and very professionally quite methodically too, I can’t afford your class. I wish I could. But after my earlier realization and this video what I know is I need to talk about this with my therapist who can escalate me to a higher level of therapist who understands sadism and criminal minds. Thank you for what you are sharing. Again, it is sad you experienced those nightmarish women as you have.
The Narc helped me renovate my house, which is where the abuse took place, I still live in this house and he no longer can come. When the mask fell off, I realized I can no longer be around my best friends father (the narc). Such a hard learning experience but a useful one to say the least
You can also help the algorithm by hitting replay when finished watching, and just fast forward till the end…a couple dozen times in a row 😂😂😂🤷🏻♀️ fuck fb pissed me off today 😂😂😝
Firstly, Greetings Richard! You're handsome But every time more I understand that How is your relationship with your parents, falls in relationships so toxics as narcissist and psychopaths They smell the vulnerability and know your codependence Though you don't know it. That's why it's important to heal and start over. Take care!
Let's do it for the Algorithm!
Comment where you're watching from!
Frankfurt, Germany
Ontario, Canada 🇨🇦
Alberta, Canada
Luxembourg
Sweden🤩
This is very true ; only people who have been truly through this will understand and agree that what he says in this video is 100 percent true
Yes, 100%
I concur! He’s spot on
It can be helpful to understand that the abuse that was endured was not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get the F away from the abuser, heal & rebuild. Remember , “never let the same dog bite you twice”! Thx Richie
The hardest part of my story, is the ex accuses me of being the narcissist and abuser. But, I know who I am. I know it's untrue. But she's told my children, friends, even therapists.. and they believe her.
Crazy to be accused of being the thing you're a victim of.
This is almost never discussed in these forums, which are full of cluster bs. The book evicted discusses it.
I already had this experience 20 years ago and was looking for answers. I found a script by Dr. Walter Andritzky that explains this situation in detail. It seemed to me that I was reading the script of my own story. There is always a perpetrator-victim perversion and it is almost always the same pattern. I have observed this with many single mothers. Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Thank you, Richard, for your insights. Even thought I left an abusive, malignant covert narcissist 5 years ago after a 35 year marriage and went no-contact, I still feel the tug of the "fantasy". Your clarification has helped me see this with a new perspective.
Stay strong Valerie...
So relatable as they idealise you then discard. He was i thought my soulmate. But then they can be anything they want. It's all manipulation and control. Sending healing vibes
A grateful Canadian here, who used your 30 day challenge and subsequent videos to break free and heal.
It feels like this video was made for me. For years I got stuck with lying, manipulative man of behaviour of a stroppy 5 years old. I became his mother, carer, bank, a life line basically. For years I had the feeling that I was coming back home to my little child. He was cute at times. I finally took steps to discover extent of his lies and manipulations. He is a master. Coldblooded with no shame. I feel like I have never known him. Just planning my exit
Good luck, I am in a very similar situation!
@@svetik1587 good luck to you too
Good luck. How are you doing now ?
"...Grieve that you'll never get those things with/from that person" ... that's where I am, all those promises were nothing but fantasies in his own mind, lies he believes. See, from his point of view he doesn't lie because his lies are his reality. He believes his own lies.
My soul feels scarred for life. I hope I recover but right now I am struggling.
“You’re fetishizing them” that’s true. 6yrs out.
I have watched hundreds of videos on narcissistic abuse and how to overcome. This is the ONLY VIDEO that has actually helped me to understand the “why”. Knowing that there is a third entity (taking the attention and focus off him) and that you need to pick it apart and deconstruct it is so helpful I don’t even know what to say. THANK YOUUUUU!!!! I feel hope that there is a way to get out of this fuckery I’m in. You are appreciated very much.
I completely agree with what you said. Same here.
54 years in a narcissistic relationship to be discarded because of illness is impossible to come to terms with
You're useless as an ill person. Go heal and be free from the fantasy. Good luck to you.
I really feel for you, 33 years for me.
This predictable pattern of treating their loyal partner's harshly when they become ill or injured is what I loathe the most about the cold-hearted, selfish narcissist.
@steady pace mine left me on a hospital bed with a broken back after 33 years....yeah honestly!
@@steadypace1262 same here and it's one of the main reasons I have decided to leave. To know that the person you would care for and love would just dump you when you need them the most is incomprehensible
This was the most powerful tool for my healing: To disconnect by separating my dreams and goals from the other person and take back my responsibility and power. Thank you, Richard!!!!!!!!!!
Thank You for Watching
Excellent 👌 Absolutely correct when he says you're not breaking up with the person, you're dissolving the fantasy relationship, it's the fantasy relationship that you have to let go of. That's what hurts. That's what you're missing, it was never about that person.
Finally total person responsibility. When we see that we do this then we won't enter into these relationships anymore, we just won't attract those experiences anymore.
It's so true. "You aren't breaking up with your partner" right, because they were never in the relationship.
This is 100% true, and 10000% painful 😢
Yes 💔
Healing with eyes wide open and open heart of self love and appreciation for who I am, flawed, not perfect, but definitely deserving of better!
I like to think: Nobody deserves anything, but we do all need to do better for others and ourselves!
Keeps us from getting into the mental traps of entitlement. Keeps expectations fair (for us and others).
I am from England, you can have no idea how my ex narcissist was afraid of me watching your videos. He would almost act possessed, he was so intimidated that he would say that you were evil itself and I should not watch your content. Talk about a twist of reality and that is how he is, constantly twisting reality. I am now living in a refuge lol! Thanks for the content and an f you to the ex I am still watching.
The visuals really help drive home the message, this abuse instills so much emotions and these videos do a good job showing that.
Agreed! I need to deal with my emotion and the 3rd entity!
I’ve detached completely from my narcissistic relationship…. thanks to you Richard and Sam V I’ve been deeply traumatised by my ex husband both emotionally financially but the worst trauma of all is he has alienated me from my 2 daughters..
I’m strong and do not allow this to effect me.
I am so grateful to you for giving me the insight to totally see what is going on.
Can I rescue my daughters .. please help
It's their intent to distroy you. If not that to dismantle your life, social, financial support. Removing your daughter's was always going to happen. They can't allow you any supportive relationships at all.
What would you do if your children were held captive by a cruel enemy in war? You would go in and free them and if necessary kill the enemy! It's the same except society doesn't allow this so you have to think of ways how you would help someone thats captive without the enemy knowing? Leep contact , give options, give freedom, give support and give hope that it will come to an end and it will. We should all strike across the world to make parental alienation criminal offense for no less than 5 years imprisonment then the world will notice
I'm 62 and still "work" on the devastation of my life and divorce which happened 20 years ago. Like you, my two sons don't want to see me, they seem to repeat their father's behaviour. I write every morning, relax listening to Eckhart Tolle,. I understand you, you are not alone, We are courageous.... A maturation to not drown is at work inside...Wish you appeasement and inner love.
You can love them unconditionally even from a distance and even if it isn’t reciprocated. Just be consistent and if you can, pray for them and give them in the hands of God.
@@dreamofskye7400 I’m not planning to reciprocate the betrayal has erased whatever hope I had left with my 32 year old daughter that discarded me 10 years ago and all the time I reached out all I got was rage and hatred and wants to destroy me emotionally. I always made her my priority as a single mother. She has my x husband narcissistic personality.She betrayed me and there was not even one ounce of remorse from her part all the suffering she has caused me.
Yes it’s so eerie how people around the world hv been describing exactly the crazy shit he’d say to me that sounds so incredibly bizarre.
So true the guilt took me there over and over again…I too Richard Course and did a lot of work with therapy, codependency work, massive work and massive pain to feel the guilt shame until they left me…one day at the time enjoying my freedom and remembering who I am…
Just found this video. All I can say is that this is absolutely unbelievably spot on. It is soooo right, and yes it made me cry, because I now recognize and accept the fact that I am in the middle of this hell with her. Thank you for sharing!
This makes sense. It is a mindf***, but I see it. I was in SAME shared fantasy with ex husband (who is on the spectrum) and with my more recent ex (per trauma therapist has NPD). Different levels of abuse, same fantasy. In process of destroying that fantasy and grieving loss of my deepest desire. Thank you Richard for your candor and brilliant insight. Very grateful for your work.
Shared goal - fixing him and ensuring that my role was to make sure he lived his best possible life. I’d come from a solid, loving family and he didn’t. Classic victim/saviour dynamic. Thank you for your videos. It’s been 5 years post leaving, your gaslighting video (where you play the role of narc) floored me and I’ve been crying for days now. I had so much love to give and I adored him (although he never actually existed - that’s another level of grief)
You even look a bit like him so that was a bit triggering too. Eeek. But it was healing and cathartic and I didn’t even know I needed it. Talk about ripping off the veil…
Very grateful but feel emotionally exhausted. It’s hard to articulate this but I feel as though perhaps I have always been living in an alternate universe and have been pulled down to the earth with a harsh THUD. I’m having to reconstruct a whole new version of reality. Pollyanna who???
Still angry as a self-described intelligent and confident woman, that I got “HAD” in such a text book way. My ego is wounded too. Lol. Just being honest.
I'm guessing it's gonna be another emotional rollercoaster for me😔
After watching - yup description of my childhood 🤦🏻♀️
Wheeeeee!!!!
I’m not trapped any more and thank god am blessed to have the luxury of relaxing a bit in a safe space, to learn and heal.
I’m enjoying all the rides Richard is taking my brain on this past six months 🤪😂😂😂🤷🏻♀️
I am starting to feel my self again, and my stubborn confidence and determination of knowing myself is coming back. I’ve spent the past 15 years with abusers filling my head full of shit about my self and what I should let slide or feel guilty about. It’s all ozzing out like Diarrhoea now 😝😂😂😂🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ if it didn’t come from my own heart, I just wanna get it out already.
I have spend LOOOOTTTS OF DAYS in shadow this past couple months…but it’s all lead to a lot of crazy ramblings and realizations about my self, after it all oozes out in his comment section of course 😂😂😂 just trying to help his algorithms 😂🤪🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
It’s definitely been interesting 🤷🏻♀️
I’m grateful for it all. We are breaking generational cycles. ALL Our grand babies and descendants will have a much healthier stronger genetic make up for it. ❤❤
I don’t know any thing about it but I’m sure cell memory is a real thing… and all this trauma carries with our cells not just our energies through the generations
Watching from the UK....
Well said Richard, thanks for your brilliant insights! 💡💐💖
I've been thinking on this and there's just one point I beg to differ on, which is that when we get out, it's ourselves we miss, not them.
Narcs are empty vessels who fill themselves with demonic spirits that steal others character traits by entering open inner child wounds they heal then reopen and salt, so we're not ever really dealing with their true self which died long ago, it's really all about us, not them.
We consented to the narc giving our inner child everything it needed to thrive then they took it all back.
I think it's a good idea to go back at least once to look that thief in the eye, fiercely take back what was stolen, own our role of consenting to be messed with then rebuild our relationship with our inner child ourselves as the narc showed us through nurturing reparenting dialogue, then we can work to restore ourselves to whole and integrate our soul's (mind, will and emotions) connection with our higher self's God sourced energies. 😎✌️
Thank you for putting that into words, this is spot on 🎯
@@amandam4148 You're welcome Amanda, thanks for your feedback. 💞 It's hard to get our heads around and even harder to describe at times, much like :
The Portal to infinity ✨
“Heed these words, you who wish to probe the depths of Nature:
If you do not find within yourself that which you seek, neither will you find it outside.
If you ignore the wonders of your own house, how do you expect to find other wonders?
In you is hidden the Treasures of Treasures.
Know Thyself and you will know the Universe and the Gods.”
~ The Oracle of Delphi 👁️💖✌️
I am so relieved to hear & read that here! I absolutely felt like he was my child, and I was responsible. I even told friends at the time that I felt like I was the only adult in our relationship, and I couldn't leave him out of fear of him ..... being lost in life? Abandoning him? It felt so real!! Nobody ever understood what I meant. They kept telling me: he's a grown man! He had a life before you, and he was fine!....f*** the matrix!
This video is very cathartic. The words alternative reality are helping me move on from the damage regards a highly toxic relationship with a narcissist which lasted for 16 months. It was hell. I'm now free and healing. Thank you Richard. Love your channel
Catching up from Florida 😊
Heal Heal Heal and Heal some more. The journey is hard and painful but once you have mastered the art of being FREE from the BS oh how sweet life is. FREEDOM! ❤
Remove what is unnecessary in your path. We NO longer allow mediocrity in our path!
Thank You Richard! 💋💜
Keep Shining BRIGHT!
Excellent illustration of a narcissist relationship!
I am watching from western Washington (state) in America.
After you have explained it so well I try to look at the npd dynamic as a scientific equation. Completely devastating experience to see the truth, nonetheless. There is definitely a loss of innocence that I feel.
Growing up is hard to do. Bittersweet.
By the time I escaped my relationship I realized that I really underestimated how dangerous my exhusband was because he didn't physically abusive me and I really wanted to believe he wouldn't cross that line. I was wrong and it nearly cost me my life. I no longer feel guilty at all, but it does still make me sad to know that he is still stuck in that cycle and his children now have to see it. I have no desire to be around him at all but still don't wish him harm. My brother reminded me that if he was capable and interested in changing then we would still be together. I knew that but I needed to hear it from someone else to really process it. Sometimes just confirmation can be very helpful.
I'm so grateful for this video. After a few narcissistic relationships it's wonderful to have real friends that care in relationship not relational trauma. It is difficult to see others in these relationships .... Not being attached is work when it comes to family.
A year ago my dealings with a would-be friend, a narc, unravelled unhappily due to her abnormal expectations of me but there was this creepy underlying feeling that I was ‘mummy’. I still can’t get this episode out of my head. She was the manipulating user, and I don’t feel guilty, but just frustrated that she is still in my head. There’s no contact. Your explanation Richard is helping to understand this whateveritwas.
I never thought about our relationship as a third entity but you're completely correct... it was as though together we had a third way of presenting to each other. Something that was not her or me. I was only able to break away from "it" with the tremendous guilt of a failed parent... Thank you so much for the great video!
Thanks, Richard! it's not easy to undo this third element, but I rely on videos like this one, to keep on thriving and remember everyday what my goal is
So the narcissist projects his phantasy self into that shared space and lures you in. A bit like Plato's cave. I have to stop looking and live in the real world. What a great analysis. One issue is that I never wittingly agreed to this construct, it's like being bait for the predator. He got a real person and I believed in the shell. Definitely a failed investment.
You are one of your kind! Your ability to explain complex psychological issues is just amazing. Thank u
I had a feeling this was the case but not able to clearly map it out in my head. (Day 3 no contact. Very raw still). That really helped put it all together. And visuals just do something in terms of connecting dots psychologically for me. This was really helpful as I was thinking of calling him and now, yeah think I'll leave it. Like, forever. Ahaha. Thankyou 😊
Hearing this is really scary.. Literally every time I get sucked back in it’s because of overwhelming guilt, I hear myself promising him, “I won’t abandon you like your mother did” 😳😳😳… something I said 12 years ago.
Wow- this is eye opening
This makes so much sense in explaining why after leaving my ex I desperately try to remain in contact for him to rectify why I felt so horrible. But he couldn't. He didn't have the answers. It literally is that me and him created this monster that was causing me the emotional distress, but he was a mere mortal who couldn't have done anything.
From the US. I told him once that I felt like I loved him like my son. I also felt like a child most of the time in that relationship. I think watching these kinds of videos might be my last way of tapping into that matrix…a little nostalgia. How weird.
"...the honeymoon period...maybe two hours, two days, maybe I'd get four days...". Yes, it was that short-lived. I'd go back to him sometimes for the guilt I felt in abandoning him, but also to end the drama and chaos that ensued after I'd broken things off. Two days of reprieve meant two days without a string of 100 viscious texts, or him coming to my workplace to harrass, or him continuing the smear campaign. What a crazy time of survivalism. And yet, I am still tethered after a year of no contact. This video explains why.
Something I find really interesting is that the audience for these videos is mostly people have been through this abuse themselves.
There is a second category of people watching this content: people who have friends or family members experiencing narcissistic abuse who are doing whatever they can to help. And I wonder how much the advice would change, or be unique, if we were talking to those trying to help others…
This video has helped me move forward in my healing more than hours months of therapy. Thank you so much.
I believe more people practice narcissistic behaviors than are clinical narcissists. People, relate to those of us far too often for it to be so unappealing.
This is true. Doesn’t mean it should be tolerated at all.
I've watched a lot of your videos and all were amazing. However, this one is best video out there that I've seen. What you articulated in such a short period of time is mindblowing. I can't speak for others but I felt essentially that you were talking about me, I mean down to the words used. Thank you this video helps me so much. Thank you 🙏
Yes. Plus your fight or flight kicks in as well. Plus they know what causes trauma & triggers you, he does it with intent. Lying, cheating, purposely not doing what they say you they will. Anything everything to upset you.
This will sound so harsh to someone who hasn't been through this. If a guy tells me he had a bad childhood, I'll run in the other direction. Suffered 2 narcs. feeling sorry for them.
‘They are replaceable…say the same things as any narcissist would…’ added to repetition compulsion=mult people telling me same bs…😮
Thank you. Your videos are so helpful. After three years of Coda 12 step groups as well as four year training as a Psychotherapist I still didn't completely 'get it'. Your videos fill in the missing pieces.
Wow! It absolutely the shared fantasy that keeps me attached, not him as an individual. What a game-changing revelation!
That's totally sadly true with narcissitic parents too
16 years of abuse and me trying to get out so hard and the newest things 'my' narcissists come up with is that they have Attention Deficit Disorder... not narcissism....
Its the realisation of my co dependent behaviour and being seen.
Grieving the fantasy and the times when my gut knew i should have walked away.
Perth Australia.
Costa del Birmingham 😆☔
Wow this is bang on, and reiterates how toxic the new age and twin flame community is, I spent years following the advice that imagination is creation and that we are multidimensional (so my feeling him all the time was reality in another space), god now I feel like a fool, so much love I gave for years after we said goodbye.
The narcissist took me here. Yep he did. But I am going to come back stronger than ever. Keep educating people but the truth is some narcissists can hide for years as long as they need something from you. After that it is game over
Watching from Massachusetts USA 🇺🇸
Richard, my savior, in this video you have outperformed your self in almost all other content you have posted. It is direct , sincere and so amazingly spot on that in almost 10 minutes , you ve summarised all the drama and conflict someone living this life endures.. This video is another brick on the wall of assistance for me, and am so grateful to you! God bless you
It's SUCH A HARD pill to swallow...
Realizing that you fell in love... Hard... With an absolute lie
BUT AS SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER HAD HOPE OR FAITH IN ANYONE... I AM HERE TO TELL ANYONE READING THIS.... THERE IS HOPE!
AND IF I CAN DO IT... ABSOLUTELY ANYONE CAN!!
It's difficult, and it's painful.. and you will probably falter a time or two...
Find a "rebound".. do WHATEVER you need to do.. to just break the chains.
'grey rock'.. LEAVE THE STATE OR WHEREVER YOU ARE...
Whatever effort it takes is WORTH IT . I PROMISE
Thank you for all you share, Richard! Your info and wisdom has been so very helpful. I'm tuning in from Washington state :)
Richard you are a humble genius.
Your work has helped me so much over the last 3 years. I hope to take your course as a celebratory finale to this journey. I have healed so much and come out of the matrix, but I will be touching into the conversation here for a while longer. Maintenance! ❤
These videos are brilliant Richard. Once again thank you for your work. Have you been getting into the strange realms of Simulation Theory too?!
OMG THIS JUST EXPLAINS EVERYTHINK ABOUT ME AND MAKES ME THINK NOW AFTER YEARS I ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP. HE CAN EXIT MY BRAIN KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
SAYING THANK YOU 2 YOOU IS AN UNDER STATEMENT
Omg the thinking they're in your phone-part. 😮 I thought I was losing my mind. I know they're not accessing my phone. But somehow I got very creeped out and into the thought that they somehow are watching everything I do.
Deep Southern States here! 😀
As someone who watched Richard extensively for years but haven't needed him since about 2020, I can tell you that all of my ex's are doing just FINE, even though I feared the worst for them when trying to escape.
Why no mention of the childhood origins of this mutual projection that only works between adults who learned this attachment fantasy/story/narrative as very young children... In my experience, the spell only truly breaks once one grieves the childhood trauma that made it possible.
I am Mike from Sweden. Would be great with more subtitles.
I have a question, what if the narcissistic abuser is a parent?
What a great explanation! I’ve been wondering why I’ve been “stuck” for ten years 😢
Thank you very much! This was wonderful! I love how you talk about investigating what the shared fantasy is and dissecting it. You are right in that it’s not about the other person; it’s about what we are afraid of and why are giving all of our power away.
I do think it’s possible to be friends with this person again in time, but it really requires both people undergoing radical transformations. That can take years. As a follower of Christ, I now put my faith in God which has helped me so much. That, and videos such as this one. Thank you again Richard for all that you do. You have helped me so much. If I may say this prayer for you, God bless you in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen. 🙏
THE RELATIONSHIP HAS FAILED YES AND THANK GOD BUT I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT ME ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE IF I DIDNT ENTER THIS MATRIX NOW AND ONLY NOW MAYBE I CAN FIND SOMENTHING REAL U GAVE ME THE TOOLS WHICH PENETRAYED MY MIND SO EASILY LIKE WATER FOR A THIRSTY BRAIN
Laughed when the word provoked came up - I wrote a poem called Provoked for someone I once shared the fantasy space with.
How very apt - loving the content as always Richie...
Thank you Richard. Simulated reality. It was very heavy... I agree. I dissolved it and that person is trying to come back. I just blocked him again... True... They do not have the power... 💪I must be strong or have a Loveless relationship... No more giving away power.... ✨🕯️👏💫💞
Great video really puts things in perspective
Exactly what I’m feeling, thanks for opening my eyes
Wow, thank you for all those wise words. It’s a step to take your own responsibility and not play the victim. Just be honest and take the lead! Then you able to move on and become stronger for the future 🌹
From Chicago you’re soo right !!! Thank you 🙏 for all your knowledge and help !!! ❤❤❤
I’m so sorry you have gone through this. What you are doing with those experiences is remarkable and commendable.
My therapist and many others do not understand sadism nor this about shared famtasy. I’m glad you brought up the latter because it’s been on my mind. Today I said to myself, “I cannot believe he is who he is.” Yet.....the mind fuckings he is able to perform is quite thorough for just that reason. It’s how he develops the shared fantasy.
I’ve really hated talking with my therapist about this because it seems to me everyone is operating from that same realm. They seem to want to believe it just cannot be. Yet.....it is.
Having destroyed my career, finances and relationships, yes he did and very professionally quite methodically too, I can’t afford your class. I wish I could. But after my earlier realization and this video what I know is I need to talk about this with my therapist who can escalate me to a higher level of therapist who understands sadism and criminal minds.
Thank you for what you are sharing.
Again, it is sad you experienced those nightmarish women as you have.
The Narc helped me renovate my house, which is where the abuse took place, I still live in this house and he no longer can come. When the mask fell off, I realized I can no longer be around my best friends father (the narc). Such a hard learning experience but a useful one to say the least
.... yes, but what if the narcissist has put a bug on your phone😅
Brilliant and so life-loving, I am appreciative Richard!
Hi Richard .Best information I have heard that has helped me so far, it is very spiritual. Thanks heaps. Steven
AMAZING INSIGHT THANK YOU
Wow. Im speechless. I needed to hear this. Ty. Ur exactly right
Iowa. Mind blown.
You can also help the algorithm by hitting replay when finished watching, and just fast forward till the end…a couple dozen times in a row 😂😂😂🤷🏻♀️ fuck fb pissed me off today 😂😂😝
Richard, you just showed up. LOL - Love those algorithms!! This is tremendous. I am going to consider your course. From Canada/Spain.
Firstly, Greetings Richard!
You're handsome
But every time more I understand that
How is your relationship with your parents, falls in relationships so toxics as narcissist and psychopaths
They smell the vulnerability and know your codependence
Though you don't know it.
That's why it's important to heal and start over. Take care!
Oh my God ! So interesting and helpful ! Thank you
Athens,Greece
THANKYOU!
I appreciate you VERY much!
Your wisdom is brilliant on this subject!
Please continue your great work always!!
May God bless you!❤️💚🙏🙏
Wow, the hive mind of them, that makes so much sense. Thank you. You’re video is awesome!!!
Normandy, France
Cheers, again Richard. from Wentloog. Near Newport. SE Wales.
Thanks from The Netherlands 💛