Healthy Relationships After Abuse? | Narcissistic Abuse Expert Answers
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- Is it possible to love and have a healthy relationship after C-PTSD and adverse environments?
By the end of this video, you'll have a simpler understanding of what questions you should be asking yourself after abuse. So; hopefully you enter into your next relationship with more clarity, peace and understanding.
Grab a cup of tea, this is a long video 😁
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Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
00:43 | The Question
01:13 | Thank you for watching
01:30 | All on our terms?
04:22 | Living in a house with an Adult for decades
05:36 | Get Realistic and Specific
06:10 | Successful relationships are routines
06:40 | You have to compromise
07:30 | The Philosophy that works
08:10 | You are not a Child Anymore
09:35 | We need to have adult conversations
21:34 | Boundaries
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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#SOCIOPATHY #Abuse #RichardGrannon - Zábava
I can’t even put into words what all that you have shared over the years has meant to me in my life. You are a rare voice of wisdom in a cesspool of ridiculousness.
well said !
Hi Sara, Thanks for watching and for your kind words! 😎
Well said.
I am living proof it is absolutely possible. Over 50 years of a overtly narcissistic mother and sister and 3 and half years of the most terrible narcissist relationship that included physical abuse God sent me an angel but I had to be honest with myself about how it affected me and heal from it and it takes years and isn't easy but it is absolutely possible. Been together 16 years now and life is awesome. Richard was the icing on the cake to make sense of it all but yes it's absolutely possible.
Your comment gives me hope. Thankyou.
Congrats!
That's wonderful news, Thanks for watching and for sharing your experience! 😎
Your message gives me hope 🙏🙏🙏
I am so laughing now! 😂Thank you!!
I am married 44 years to the same man.
It is possible. Even if one or both were abused. Possible.
But with Grace, possible.
Hard work. Service. Yes.
well done!
@@bah667 Thank you 🙏. ..😄It really is Gods Grace ...😄
👏👏👏 very happy for you 😊❤️
I don't even want to date or talk to another person, ever since the situation I had ended, though I've technically been single over 2 years now. Maybe that will change in a few years but, for now, I just want to be more mentally stable, work towards my career, and integrate my shadow. I ordered a shadow integration journal yesterday so I loved that you brought that up. Another amazing and helpful video. Thank you!
I absolutely love this guy... Everything he says is just a eye-opener. I prefer to be single after an narcissistic relationship.
Same. Amen sister
Having my children taught me the joy of love as service…they didn’t limit me but in fact expanded my understanding of myself and gave me a humility that is simply priceless…they made me grow up
“The fact that you’re American, I’m massively concerned… it’s a mess right now.”
You’re not wrong!
In my opinion, the ability to be truly empathic of other people, self-reflective, and take responsibility of YOUR actions/reactions would be the foundation for relationships with other people. Also, the ability to not need to be with another person.
Yes! I think you are bang on!😁
I don't agree with your last sentence. You are human, wired for connection. If you are training yourself to not "need" another person, you are training yourself to become detached from your feelings and needs and potentially become avoidently attached. Some things can only be met by other people - family, friends, therapist, partner. It's more about how and on who you are placing your needs and the contribution of such and your willingness to give back and to be emotionally available for others.
o my God .. worse part is when u want real love but u still missed the momster how abiused and left u broken ..
Your description of what shadow integrated and unintegrated people would look like trying to be in a relationship is gold.
Maybe it does come with age but I gave up dating at 50 because I thought exactly the same. There is no one worth dating properly and that was after dating over a hundred guys. I just wasn't prepared to have a relationship with someone for the sake of it. Nobody even seemed to be as good as the narcissist I left and that sounds disturbing. The drinkers wanted an enabler and I lost count how many times I got asked if I liked cooking cleaning and ironing. And I think if you've done work on yourself, because you had to, it's so much easier to see that other people haven't or never will!
Spotting the those types becomes crystal clear and then realizing there is great comfort in staying single.
@@yvonneb-t3d I actually love being single. I still get asked out on dates now, but i always decline. I make every excuse under the sun! lol
I decent men anymore sounds sweeping but it’s true
Hear ya ❤️
Yes,yes indeed..I just love being single, thankfully I have grown kids ,a career & a few real friends, there really is NO reason for a relationship..my favorite hobby is dodging narcissists & spotting them from miles away ..& watching videos by Richard Grannon , Sam Vaknin ,Dr Ramani & many more..better then any true crime thrillers👍🏽💥🔥💯🎉❤️
I'm over it. It will be me and my rescue dogs from here on; with them I know unconditional love, loyalty, laughter and fun times! Men are so damn unremarkable and not worth the trouble.
_"The trick to mortality is to avoid death"_
The problem is not being attracted to attractive people, the problem is not being able to terminate the relationship when those people act toxic.
Ugliest people are narcs all the beautiful people I ever knew were equally very beautiful looking and for some reason died young. Some are still here but the ugliest fakest are all narcs obsessed with their looks because they got no personality warmth or humour.
I've recovered from this problem. It's a lot harder when you have kids a home and other stuff though. Everything isn't so black and white.
@@lynneleverton8825 look in my case i gained the strength from my child. Just be careful as theres loads of creeps especially online and if your attractive its even harder. Keep your chin up.😊😇
@@heartofpuregold I'm average...Is probs bcos I talk too much.
@@lynneleverton8825 why are you blaming yourself? The right one going to appreciate everything about you. Dont let a jealous narc define you. Your talking because you got something to say and people wanna hear it. If they dont tell them to bugger off. Life too short for that crap.
Children are amazing ! Best relationships of my life ! But they grow up and have there own lives! Which is completely healthy!!!!
Not only did this give me an insight on my previous toxic relationship. It also gave me perspective on how I have been emotionally immature myself. This was an eye opener, thank you for being so real.
I enjoy laying in bed and farting loudly…I don’t think I’d be able to do that if I was in a relationship and at this point I’m not prepared to give it up 👍
You could always look for a partner with flatulence!🤣
@@clairejohnson6522 I only like my own …I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere 😂🤣
@@becksea Wherever you may be ,let your wind blow free!💨🌬
If you consider that as utter expression of your freedom maybe you are only inflated.
I just spewed my drink 😆😆😆😆
I’m actually one of those people who go to bed at 8pm well hydrated. And I like it! I also don’t have sex outside of marriage (just my own conviction, not passing judgment on anyone else. Not saying my way is the right way for everyone.). Also, doing hard work recovering from a bad relationship. So, those things will probably make it hard for me to ever find a long term relationship with another person. It would have to be a divine introduction I guess! Thank you for the good advice and affirmation!
Omg you have just described my soon to be x husband of a 30 year marriage in a nutshell with a malignant fragile narcissist with an unintegrated shadow
Filed for divorce
Thank you Richard ❤
I’ve never met someone who believes so similarly to how I do. I do appreciate how well you articulate it though!
I have relationship 2. Two fully grown adults, imperfect and accepting of each other. It’s not abusive and doesn’t look like a Hallmark Special. I still am working on myself as I have a history of childhood trauma and a previous abusive marriage. I become more aware through your videos. Thank you!
Peace is being alone, ps I love your stuff. An articulate, aware man is quite a rare thing 😀🤗
I believe it is possible. It’s not going to be a walk in the park. Working on yourself and coming to being internally free from narcissistic abuse is possible. You have to be mindful of yourself and how you react in trigger situations. Also it would be impossible if your new partner doesn’t know. Partnering means supporting them & them understanding you and your past and together collectively grow and work together on your relationship. Relationships are work. But the hard work can become something great in your relationship. It’s got to be giving 150% to each other.
I’ve now been on my own for 2.5 years after a very long abusive relationship. I’ve learnt to be really happy with my own company. I’ve no idea what my next intimate relationship will look like.
"All of that has to be in place." Yes, it does. The reason things are so sideways is very simple: Most people just don't have their shit together.
I am not worried about being able to love again, i am freaked out i will again chose the wrong person to love! 😬
I'm looking forward to this. When l first heard Meridith Miller state that we must give ourselves time l had just left the NEX, and thought that a new relationship was the way out of the dark place l was in. I realize now that she was right, and it has been just over three years.
Gotta heal 🎉❤
This was great video. To all the souls who are trying to heal ❤
The way you talk about sharing the same house with one person for decades as if it were a prison sentence every time you talk about mature loving relationships…I swear it never fails to crack me up 🤣🤣🤣 Lots of good thoughts in here, but I think we might be living on different planets ‘cause where I come from we don’t take Hollywood movies as a representation of reality, thank God.
Love that insight into what you observe in healthy relationships. I will never be in a relationship again unless the other person can show up for the work and vulnerable dialogue. I wish I had held this self-care expectation in dating before the second marriage and eight years of trying to reach that destination.
I'm not sure about all the society stuff. You can have such different personalities in the same family, on the same block, in the same school, and in the same city. Narcissist Personality Disorder has always seemed like a brain condition to me. Like they're literally missing the decency and empathy chip in the prefrontal cortex or something. It's very, very toxic for people who need their boundaries and a modicum of respect to function well.
Richard, this video is Wonderful!! What a breath of fresh air and speaking such truth!!! ❤️🇺🇸😊
Oh my god. You can't be more clear. I hope people to understand what you want to say to them. All these you say are so true, so right, so logical.
Never mind dating and romance, I can't even find a man to work with in life that doesn't abuse, con, and throw their issues with their ex at me like I am their ex. Im sick to death of it.
This has helped me appreciate that I disappoint myself over and over again. I’ve been in therapy for years to try to break the trauma bond and still can’t severe it. Thank you Richard
Omg like I can’t even imagine living with another adult right now but I don’t like the being alone .
I'm 9 years single, lots of healing in between those years but I know being in a relationship will bring up even more things to heal from but I don't see a relationship occurring, times are so different now and it seems like those seeking to heal and be better mentally are rare.The idea of being in a relationship is getting stranger and stranger as the years go by and maybe it's my own mental issue for being single for that long.
Thank you for sharing this.. I often wondered if is just me who feels this way...
Coming from a lot of experience, getting past hyper-vigilance is one of the most difficult obstacles. Because after abuse, everything reads as it.
If you have a partner who wants to do their own work as well and choose to stay at it, you’ll certainly have the best shot.
Also therapy helped me so much. To challenge the many negative cognitions that my mind would create. ❤
Living with a partner in the same house for the rest of your life. This made me feel physically sick. I need my own space, as I'm sure everyone does.
Yep, same!
@@izzyfox7575 👍
I tried for 9 years and it was excruciating, never again.
I need my space, my time, my quiet and clean apartment for me only.
@@personne3837 🤣❤
😂😂😂 that was a whole ride you took us on! Love your work Richard. Having first hand experience of narcissistic abuse this really resonated. Thanks for your words of wisdom 🫶
Yeh I want a relationship but to never live with the person. I can’t do it any other way. I won’t
Same, i want a relationship but "LAT =living apart together"
I love my freedom to clean, cook, sleep, eat and do whatever I want whenever i want without having to make sacrifice for someone's confort or expectations.
Richard, all your work has been always to help people raise their consciousness. That’s beautiful.
I guess after 22 years, I subconsciously realized that I didn’t want to carry his shadow, anymore. I’m glad my body knew before my heart did.
Bingo!
I felt like I was doing the emotional labor for him whilst trying to figure out the winning combination to unlock his sanity. Which in turn, made me crazy times two. And he walk away the victim and the victor. It’s really something. WAW! What A World. Thank you for doing the thinking, Richie X O X O
Richard, I'm casually following you for years. This session was one of the best. ❤️
I’m a big fan of your work Mr. Grannon, and a wit sense of humour 😅 love you ❤
Love this humble man who truly thinks
This explains a lot and confirms something I perceived in my last relationship
After watching this you’ve made me realise I’m just not capable of being in a relationship. The thought of sharing a home with another adult for decades is definitely a no!
I agree. Tradition and order works.
amazing, totally agree with everything. very well said.
Great stuff! Thank you Richard!
I agree. Thank you for your time.
Very insightful🙏
This makes soo much sense to me right now. Thank you
Thank you Richard for sharing 🌎
This is so spot-on
This is brilliant. Thank you Rochard
So spot on 🙏
Great explanation. Thank you Richard!
Excellent! I loved It!
thank you for speaking out 🙏
Beautiful thoughts mate!
I loved this! You are awesome!
I was discarded by my ex narc girlfriend and even tho it’s been 4/5 months its still hard cos I was genuine and genuinely fell in love with her then since she just discarded me and I’ve been learning about narcissism her actions and behaviours finally began to make sense. However the pain is still there cos it’s not the usual heartbreak it’s 5x more painful knowing you fell in love withnever fell in love with someone who didn’t fall in love with you and the person and relationship was a lie and months down the line there’s times when all the feelings and pain hit you like a wave like the early days.
I left my narc a year ago and I still cry hard!!! It's alot to deal with. Wishing you the best in your healing journey ❤
Thank you for the humour and the wisdom!😀
This was well done
Phenomenal talk
Thanks Richard this was great.
Excellent, thanks Rich
Amazing talk Mr Grannon!!!!😊
Brilliant video! Next level stuff.
Brilliant comments - well said.
Lovely ;) Thank You!
In this talk I have found the best description and outline of what a relationship as a concept is.
I agree. I felt and thought the same.
Thank you. Thats hit the mark for me. X
Thank you so much for this video. ☺️
You did it Richie!! When you put it into words you give me freedom! ❤
Fantastic diatribe! I love it, makes sense to think about this in real time and individual expectation.
this is so helpful
So much truth here, some very good pointers for me. And thank you for the laughs, Richard 🙏
Love this
I believe it is possible. I also believe it's not probable at this stage of my life. To the young ones...guard your heart ♡
Thank You! Well said my friend. Your candor is uplifting.
A very astute and profound discourse I really agree with all that you said x
That chunk at the end. Spot on.
I think .. having watched your videos over the last year … and resonated so much with so many of them .. I have just seen you very open and genuine.
Great work ❤️x
Thank you Richard. Your no bullshit truths are so refreshing. Stripping it down the way you do takes such vulnerability & a knowledge of yourself that is so admirable.
I’ve recently discovered your videos and even with all of the work I’ve put in over the last 5 years, I see I have more to do. That’s ok, one “no bullshit” step at a time 😉
Your honesty is hilarious and spot on. It makes me think and smile at the same time. Great job!
Yes you are absolutely correct. Love this video awesome!💗
OMG thank you.. allways insights from listening..
this is brilliant!
Thank you, haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Boundaries with self discipline to adhere to said boundaries.
This was amazing.
Dear Mister Grannon, i am so Grate full that I found You, thank You so much for your clear content.
what a pleasure to listen. Education and entertainment :)
Great video RICHARD, 🇨🇮♥️, you nailed it ,love your sense of Humor,!
Great video, thank you . I also appreciate your humor . Well done 👏
I love your approach with unapologetic honesty and truth. "Do the work" is the answer!
The Zizek impression was great!
Thank you for putting word on what I feel. It actually helps me to speak.
You rock thank you!!!
wow, you're amazing. thank you for your wisdom, sir!
Made my day.