What Would You CHANGE? Real Advice from Real Brides
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- čas přidán 8. 01. 2024
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Currently planning my wedding and here's my advice so far:
1. FIND A VENUE THAT'S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL. We chose our venue 15 months out and are now (6 months out) considering a switch. Because our original venue is not a standard wedding venue, we are now having to spend upwards of 2K to a) make it pretty and b) cover trip hazards and unsightly corners.
2. Popular vendors get booked 12 months out plus! I repeat... popular vendors get booked EARLY. Some of the popular florists in our area were fully booked 12 months out. If you're particular, book your major vendors between 18 and 8 months out.
3. You CAN source your florals locally. We had multiple florists tell us that they can't do local and with some research found 3 who would. It's possible.
4. The standard wedding vendor search sites (i.e. Wedding Wire) won't advertise beautiful alternative venues like restaurants, coffee shops and wine bars. Our favourite venues were found by directly messaging businesses we loved and asking them if they hosted events.
GOOD LUCK AND GOD SPEED FELLOW SPOUSES 😭
I TOTALLY agree on finding a venue that’s already beautiful. This was a top priority for me and we were able to save sooo much money in decor! People see a pretty indoor space and outdoor views and don’t even notice that you can minimal florals or centerpieces. 😉
Yess, I am now torn between a budget friendly not so beautiful venue and a more expensive recently renovated one.
I'm gonna go talk to the owners of the expensive venue tomorrow ... they offer simple tables and chairs for up to 150 people too ... gotta compare pricing.
Both of my bridesmaids got married in 2020, and when I brought up getting a videographer for my wedding (in 8 days--eek!) they said it was too expensive, and you don't really need it because you'll have pictures. Fast forward to last weekend in our group text, and both are jealous that I hired a videographer because they regret not doing it. I am thrilled that I will have my day captured on video!
Congratulations!! It will be wonderful!! We got video of our ceremony from different angles using 3 cell phones on some inexpensive tripods we found on Amazon, then we used another phone on the officiant's book stand to record a close take of the audio for our vows - it all turned out really surprisingly well! I did wish we had had a videographer for a close-up of the walk down the aisle and for dancing at the reception, but it just wasn't in our budget and overall it all worked out nicely. :)
For DIYers - design out ALL of your wedding signage before buying/making anything! That way you can play around with fonts and colors and see how they will look across all of your signs first. Nothing worse than picking out the most amazing font and realizing half way through assembling your signs that the font is missing numbers or a piece of punctuation that you need. This also allows you to be more intentional with your purchasing of supplies. Map out your signs using cheap paper to see if you like the size before buying your acrylic.
As a wedding DJ who takes pride in my ability to help couples navigate the planning phase of their events, I can't get enough of your content. I find myself screaming "YASSS" at my phone all the time! Thank you for your passion and your content! Also, please forgive me for repackaging your 'perfect day myth' discussion.
Get a videographer! My reception was oodles of fun and none of those moments were captured on camera.
Our best man and bridesmaid used my camera and took lots of pictures after the big things and when our photographer left as we had a long day. I absolutely adore the pictures🥰🥰
I got married September 1st. It turned out to be a beautiful day. The weather held out for the ceremony and then it rained during the reception, so it was good luck!
My sister made us 30 minutes late, the microphone wasn't on on the camera but it still picked up the ceremony which was coming through a speaker, we DIY'd 95% so we were exhausted by the time we got home, my dress could have been altered much better, especially for the price, my husband's aunt wanted to cut the cake before we even got back from taking couple photos, since they decided to start eating without us as well, quite a few people left before we got back from couple photos too, and we had a small wedding. I can't imagine having over 30 people. And then the photos we got back were meh and that was the biggest part of the budget.
Overall, it turned out nice, I've heard worse stories, and I am married to my favorite person which is the best part but, my advice is to elope. We both wanted to have the legit wedding, our way, and it was. We cut out anything we didn't want and had everything we did want. But hindsight is 20/20 and eloping is 100% what we'd do if there was a do-over.
...I have an uncle Jim...
...He has hearing struggles...
...It may be hard to wrangle him for pictures as a result...
LOL. It was so on point.
This literally was my dad, he was THAT uncle Jim 😂😂
I’m telling you there is a solution to the left over food and cake. I DIYed part of my reception meal. (Caterer supplied pulled pork bbq, coleslaw, and buns. We supplied veggies and dip for appetizer trays, potato salad we bought at Sam’s and baked beans in two big stainless steel 15:24 crock pots.) I was thinking we might have left overs so I bought an extra pack of the disposable silver serving trays I was buying for our wire chafing dishes for the DIY food at Sam’s in the section where all the catering stuff was. My mother was able to use the extras to transfer all the extra food and cake. Mom took the food and cake to the Vrbo her brother and sister and their families had gotten together and it all got eaten up - so no leftovers! Yay!
Absolutely! That's what we're doing! We're getting biodegradable containers and telling everyone to take the leftovers home for a late night snack! 😊
I did a hair trail but still wasn't happy on my wedding day, I wish I had brought a curling iron so I could have fixed it my self.
14:34 For the cake, if you don’t want to waste extra cake but still want the look of a grand wedding cake with lots of tiers, you can look for bakers who make cakes with partial fake tiers! This way you can cut the actual edible part and serve only that part, and the rest can be thrown away without less guilt because it’s just styrofoam with some frosting lol.
Best practical advice- write down with your partner the core things that matter to you (for us it was affordable without looking cheap, able to have our whole families there, and a bit of fall magic) and let everything else be details. If things work out, that’s great! But ultimately I will not stress over if the napkin color is a perfect match to the decor.
What I wish I’d changed: confirming not just the date but the time of our ceremony at booking. It was a venue that held multiple events a day. I didn’t know that when booking and we were given a time slot without knowing. Because of the season, we had to do a first look if we wanted any outdoor photos as a couple. I personally would have preferred to not do a first look, and while it all worked out okay I was disappointed that I didn’t check that detail better.
00:10 Slight ningling thing here, but "penultimate" means next-to-last not second-after-first. Not a big thing, but maybe you or others didn't know!
Hi Jamie!! Just wanted to say thank you so so much for making your videos. I just got married last month, and your videos helped guide me through the entire process and I felt so confident the whole way through!
Totally agree on all the advice shared in this video! I'm so glad my husband and I worked it in our budget to hire videographers, I think it is so worth it and I can't wait to see the final film! Also we took your advice and added a 'social media moment' before our unplugged ceremony (after the precessional) and I loved seeing all of those photos from our guests. Everything was so perfect on our wedding day, we even got lucky with good weather after a week of rain!
I think the only thing I would have changed was asking my coordinators to save an extra slice of cake for us to take home! We opted for a small 1-tier cake that was perfect size, everyone who wanted some got a slice and we had no waste! But other than a few bites I got in between everything else, I didn't get a chance to really enjoy it :( and one of our good friends who is a professional baker made it for us so I was a little bummed about that. Might need to hire her again to make us an anniversary cake or something to make up for it LOL. But having a dessert table with multiple options worked really well for us, and we got to take home the extras which was awesome!
Thanks again for all your advice and insight! Though it was stressful at times, wedding planning was a lot of fun to me and I think having your videos to help answer a lot of my questions made it 10x more enjoyable! :)
For my brother's first wedding, they had a multi-tier faux cake (Styrofoam layers that were iced. There was a specific spot that was really cake that they could cut into. They had a Viennesse dessert spread. They were delicious.
As a wedding planner I always try to fill the gaps in the seating during ceremony but in my experience nobody wants to move and I get a lot of stink eyes. I don’t mind getting people into shape but they really REALLY don’t like being moved so I usually just try and do the bare minimum so I don’t make the guests mad and ruin the mood 🤷🏼♀️
I would have my makeup professionally done and not do it myself. And I would've padded in an extra 45min of time for the hairstylist I hired.
Also, fan in the room you get ready in 😅 I was sweating like crazy
I love your videos & humor! I would LOVE some 2nd wedding tips/ ideas. It’s been 20 yrs since my wedding ( at 18) now in my 40’s I am at a loss.
Regarding cake, why is it a thing to interrupt dancing with cake cutting? I honestly don't understand because it just kills the vibe. It gets even worse because this "tradition" is not even traditional. The actual tradition is to cut the cake after dinner BEFORE dancing, according to the 17th edition of Emily Post's Etiquette (the quintessential book on etiquette in the US) which was published in 2004. It's no wonder tiers of cake get thrown out and people are switching to a dessert table.
I believe it's a trend (in Germany, it's not really traditional either but I've seen it at least since 2010 and I'm sure people did it before) because people want to have another "highlight" later at night (in Germany, usually midnight). For me, it's a waste, too - most people don't really want to eat cake at night. I did it in the afternoon when the traditional time for cake in Germany is (never after the meal, cake is a special kind of meal itself) and have always preferred it that way.
I know the answer. Followed many wedding planner pods. It’s because a lot of people will miss the cake cutting if it’s not there which i was kinda shocked by but apparently it happens if it’s not in the middle of where everything is so that’s why on location, and aunties stay bitter for years. Timeline wise it’s not earlier because a majority of people will leave after cake, no matter how early! 😀 People are wild istg haha
We had 2 friends video our ceremony and speeches/dances using a tripod and a decent video camera. It was all we needed to look back on our special day since we weren't interested in a professional-quality edited video. Only thing I would change with our set-up would be that we should've used mics at the altar - ONLY because we had an outdoor wedding and the wind was blowing the whole time. We had to spend hours of editing our video afterwards to turn down the volume on the wind frequencies so you could hear the words being said! We also ended up adding subtitles in post-processing to make it easier to hear.
My fiancé’s cousin told us not to splurge on huge florals (like bigger than my head bouquets on every table). They spent a ton of money and it looked amazing on the day of but it doesn’t last and they had a heck of a time getting rid of the massive floral arrangements after.
It might be worth it for some people who absolutely love florals, but not for everyone. I didn't have a single flower on my wedding and was happy with it! Saved so much money (and I'm not a fan of flowers anyway, so why pay lots of money for something totally unimportant for me?).
Photo wrangler
OG indeed 👌🏼
Agreed, you need to eat your yummy food! I am a very slow eater so I was worried about this. We did get to sit briefly for a nibble BUT our amazing caterer packed up numerous boxes of all the wood fired pizzas we picked to take on our honeymoon the next day. Not leftovers, but fully made pizzas just for us. I was SO incredibly grateful ❤❤
About eating, I also wasn't hungry but I hadn't ate in like 4-5 hrs and the food looked so good. I ate most of my plate and am super glad i did. Somehow eating the cake later on was easier lol
If you have a lot of extra cake, give some to the guests to take home. Some venues have to go containers. I would ask when planning. If they don't, you can buy them in bulk really cheap. I went to a wedding that did that. When my older sister got married, we took home two tiers of cake. Also, a full table didn't show, so my mom fed all the venders because it was a plated dinner. Then there was drama with the guest lists & the venue. I remember all that & I was 11 at the time! XD This is why when I got married, we got dressed up & went to city hall. I respect what other people do & I LOVE weddings, but I wasn't the wedding having kind. We spent our money on getting our first home & we had a nice minimoon.
1) I would not buy a dress in the first store. It was a compromise dress (I asked lots of stores if they had lacefree dresses and no one had any, so I gave up) but I absolutely don't regret buying it, I had a wonderful wedding day in it - what I regret is not trying on more dresses. I tried about 4 in total, none of which had the style I wanted as "clean" dresses seem to be not in trend here right now ... and feel I really missed out on a unique experience in my life. I later went to a different store where you don't have to get an appointment so I didn't prevent the employee from making money with a "real" customer (I went in the morning at a weekday so I was the only customer) but it didn't feel the same as shopping for my wedding dress (even though I could have gotten another dress for my courthouse wedding). It's different if you don't plan to buy one. Also, they didn't have my dream dress style, either ... In hindsight, I would have searched for a big store (hard to find in Germany) who has some lacefree dresses and at least try on my dream dress. Chances are that it would not even look good on me, but I would have liked to try it on once to get it out of my head!
2) I would start earlier with DIY projects. I still finished some decoration the day before the wedding and made my bouquet at the morning of my wedding (that was okay, though, I had nothing else to do at that time, as I skipped the "getting ready" time, just put make-up on). The reason was that I sewed my bridal coat the weeks before the wedding - then we got summer temperatures shortly before Halloween so the time was wasted, but nobody could have known this beforehand so I'm not mad about it, it was just bad/good luck (couldn't wear the coat, but it didn't rain and wasn't cold outside so we could use the nice venue better).
3) I would do more research to really know what kind of pictures I like. In hindsight, I love pictures with LOTS of landscape around the couple - our photographer only did SUPER near shots with hardly anything around us. I only had 1 hour to pick a photographer (originally, a photographer friend should take pictures but he got sick the day before the wedding) and I just wanted to get it out of my way quickly. Would have been much easier if I knew what I wanted beforehand!
But in the end, I'm still happy with my pictures after a big disappointment directly after the wedding. I needed some time to get my vision of my dream wedding photos go and now I don't regret my choice anymore.
What I still regret: I did not tell the photographer to get a picture from my dress from the front - I thought that went without saying! Apparently not. My sister had the same issue.
4) I would have liked to sit at every table and talk a bit to every guest. But I'm an anxious person and was a bit overwhelmed with all the people (65 guests, German weddings are smaller). So I guess I COULD not have changed this, I just wish I had been a different person, but well ...
5) I wish I had done couple pictures before the wedding - it wasn't possible for logistic reasons (home, church and venue too far apart from each other; in Germany, you can't really just have a wedding anywhere) so we had no other choice but we lost SO much time! But then, we could not have known that my husband's relatives got absolutely crazy with games and performances (first wedding in his family for decades) which took a lot of time from the reception. So it wasn't a wrong choice, I just would have changed it if it had been possible.
Oh also, you were 1000% right about making a seating chart! I wasn't going to bother with only 17 people total, but then I saw a video of yours where you said having one was a good idea. It was trickier than expected, but it turned out great and meant that we got to decide who was directly next to/across from us during our dinner, so we actually got to eat and enjoy the meal!
Agree about cake! My aunt had to dump half her cake. It was so delicious but way too much.
Great tips, thanks :) I’m thinking I need to finally bite the bullet and get in on the master plan because WOW do I suck at planning!
I’m curious about Jamie’s opinions on wedding content creator!
Just had our wedding three months ago and it went great! Super small (15 guests, uner $6k budget for everything). Your videos were soo helpful in planning, Jamie! Thank you!!
Things I would do differently (not very many, tbh):
1. Full dress try-on including all undergarments and accessories. I used booby tape instead of a strapless bra and practiced that a bunch (it was awesome, btw, highly recommend for plus size ladies who hate strapless bras), but I didn't bother practicing with the sticky fashion tape and I wish I had! My dress material was thick enough that the tape only held the inner lining of the deep v-neck in place and I had to borrow my dad's tie pin for the ceremony then fix it with safety pins at the reception (always bring safety pins in your purse!). It worked out, but added way more stress while getting ready than there needed to be.
2. Plan something special for the next morning's breakfast. We had a pretty decent continental breakfast at our hotel, so we ate that the morning after our wedding. The bummer was that after I let another hotel guest go in front of me in line for the waffle maker (towards the end of breakfast, because we had all been up late), the guy proceeded to take the last of the waffle batter to make two waffles instead of one. It was kind of a bummer, so I wish we had planned to have someone go pick up donuts or something.
3. Serve cake later after dinner. We were on a tight budget and hired a photographer we really liked for only 4 hours, which was 100% the right call...but it meant that right after finishing a delicious dinner we had to go get pictures of us cutting our ice cream cake and everyone was completely stuffed! Everyone ate it anyway (because ice cream cake is amazing), but it would have been so much better if we had asked them to serve it an hour or so later. Even so, we brought the leftover ice cream cake out for brunch at our house the next day and it was a big crowd pleaser!
Some of these tips are timeless. I got married in 1984. We had a professional photographer for traditional pics but then we provided a camera and film and hired someone who knew us and many of the guests to take photos of tables of people and especially anyone he didn't recognize. That way we got candids of coworkers, relatives, and our of town friends.
Hi Jamie, thanks for this video! I’d love to enrol in the course but I need to know, is the master plan US specific? I’m in the UK. Thanks!
I can confirm that a dessert table gets consumed while cake get trashed. I also once made a cookies bar for a couple 300 with cookies 6 different kind with treat bags were all gone.
my wedding is in the mountains in colorado so my hair trial is $250 😭
Another piece of advice: if you have children in your wedding, designate someone specifically to keep the children occupied the entire day and make sure that they are where they are supposed to be and doing what they are supposed to doing when they are supposed to be doing it. And please make sure that this person is someone that the child(ren) feel comfortable with.
I once attended a wedding where the flower girl was the bride's 6yo daughter, and it was a total disaster. There was absolutely no one keeping an eye on her. First, she had a total meltdown because she couldn't be in the bride room with Mommy (even though Big Sister was a bridesmaid, and therefore was with Mommy). Then, she ended up sneaking into the room where the reception was to be held and managed to find the cake. One of the groomsmen (I think) finally catches her and looses his temper at her. Another meltdown ensues, of course. Thankfully, only one side of the cake was ruined. Finally, the bride caught onto the idea that leaving a 6-year-old unattended at such an important event might not be the best idea. They had to spend about half an hour just getting her cleaned up and calmed down. And then, instead of someone showing her what to do with the basket of petals, they just hand it to her. So, you'd think this bride would have learned her lesson? Nope! When they were ready for the ceremony to start, the flower girl was nowhere to be found, so they just started without here. The girl showed up to the ceremony about halfway through and spent most of the time she was there on her hands and knees, placing the petals on the edges of the aisle.
There was another wedding where the bride was on her game when it came to the flower girl and ring bearer, the groom's sister's children who were 7 and 4 respectively at the time. Not only did she have someone appointed specifically to look after the children so that her soon-to-be sister-in-law could take part in the event as a bridesmaid, she also set up a designated location for them with various activities. In addition, she arranged the schedule so that the kids were in play clothes until the very last second and STBSIL could sneak away and help her kids get ready.
A videographer isn’t in my budget and I hate the sound of my voice so I didn’t feel like I would be able to watch back the ceremony. I have asked a friend to film the speeches so I am not missing out on video’s completely
I have some phone videos from my wedding (just the highlights, like entrance, "I do'" (strangely only mine, not my husband's 😄), cake cutting, first dance. Not a single second did I regret NOT getting a videographer - I find videos from myself and people I know more cringy than fun (I can't even watch videos from my childhood), but I like watching some of those short videos from time to time. A videographer definitely would NOT be worth it for me!
I have never heard a bride’s voice in a video in my entire life, except for maybe crying at the alter. Wedding videos are like, a montage of dancing, a single snippet of the best man speech only, you and the husband looking into each others eyes, a shot of the couple outdoors & a wide shot of all the guests + a slow pan of food. lol
I was the photographer for my sister’s wedding, my significant other (who was not there) was to put my pictures in video. (Because the videographer forgot a microchip. )My sister put my pictures on this VERY SMALL flash drive, and sent it to him.
Because he lived 3hrs away at the time and working 2 jobs. He lost the flash drive. Only pictures we had from that Camara. (I still hold this and wish at the time I had time for picture follow through, unfortunately I was a single mom with 5 young kids)
Funny enough though she didn’t have problems with that on her wedding. She had problems because her pictures were not done yet and we were losing light. My father fed the guest first because it was a chicken dinner with no station warmer.
Money on a budget
I love your videos, but when you speak super fast it stresses me out 😂
Wrangler 😂
I was a December 2023 bride, and have been watching Jamie for years... I LOVE HER & HER CHANNEL! For her question about the OGs and photos --> Photowrangler (Must have) Also think having a meeting spot for photos, as well as a list of photos with number, who, and name (1, couple, John & Jane Doe) or (2, groom's parents & couple, Jim/Jullie & John/Jane Doe) in the order you want them taken will help a lot. This allows the couple to move less and get photos done fast!
As for some other tips... I have too many but I'll stop at 15....
1.) Remember at the end of the day it is about you and your honey! No matter what happens, ya'll will be married and that is what it is all about!
2.) Give yourself grace if planning your wedding is not fun. People get really weird, mean, and opioninated, which can definitely suck the fun out of it. Thus, if you need to take breaks, surround yourself with people who will make it more fun, or simply avoid telling people about your plans, then do it! You won't make everyone happy, so don't get caught up on that!
3.) Less is more! Truthfully, the approach of having a mindset of this nature helped us not get caught up in the common "the big wedding day" or "you only get married once" thoughts. It allowed us to choose what was the most important to us, and make the things we did do much more meaningful and higher quality!
4.) Consider doing a videographer or at least have someone record the ceremony! This is something I wish we had the budget for.
5.) Buy flowers from SAMS Club online/bulk! They were so affordable and stunning! They have some arrangments done, and others in bulk for DIYers.
6.) Look to buy items from Facebook Marketplace, offerup, thrift stores, &/or ask to borrow/use items from others! Great savings!
7.) Try to buy items that can be used later! We bought/had on our registry items like a mirror, candles, champagne glasses, etc. that we used for both wedding events and our current home. Two birds with one stone!
8.) Do a registry! Most places will offer a discount on items after your wedding date!
9.) Use Credit cards to make purchases, and then use the points for the honeymoon and home items!
10.) Consider asking guests what dessert option they'd like to avoid throwing away cake! We only had 5-6 people who wanted cake, so we did mostly pizza cookies with ice cream instead! They were a great hit!
11.) Make pictures, make drawings, sort items into bags/boxes, make lists of what you want people to do and what you want the day to look like. It seems like a lot of work, but it really does support everyone who is helping!
12.) Make a vendor/family/contact list with times of arrival and give to anyone involved with set up/tear down. This really helps make the day run smoother.
13.) Consider DIYs or take advantage of untraditional/non-wedding "vendors". For instance, we used Canva to make our stationary then printed it ourselves. We also ordered plain white cakes from Bashas/grocery store and decorated ourselves. We bought bulk flowers from SAMS Club and put the arrangments together ourselves. We promise the quality is not always lost or super noticeable if you don't spend a fortune. You can still have a beautiful day on a budget, it just might take some research and elbow grease.
14.) EAT, hydrate, and bring a day of bag! Seriously you cannot overeat! Please eat the food you paid a lot of money for, I wish I ate more! The bag is also great for touch ups and things you'll forget/won't think of like deodorant, bobby pins, speaker, gum, etc.
15.) Pause and enjoy it. It really goes by too fast! I promise you will not regret taking time to stop and enjoy all the hard work ya'll put into this special day. Talk to each guest if you can, and take a picture with them. You'll want to re-live it over and over again, because its over before you realize.
Thank you again Jamie, I could not have prepared, planned, paid, or pulled off our wedding day without all your help!
Photo wrangler