I blocked my youngest sister 4 years ago because she's a drunk who has physically attacked me many times and only wants to call me to talk when she's crying in her beer. Then I blocked my oldest sister last year because she is conniving and untrustworthy. At 70 years old now, I finally realized I don't have to deal with them anymore. I am the scapegoat.
I am only seeing my siblings at showers, weddings and funerals. I’m the oldest scapegoat of our narcissistic deceased father. My two younger siblings have followed in his footsteps. I’m in therapy to recover from all the trauma created by my family of origin.
Bad parenting (e.g. neglectful, narcissistic) is often the root cause of negative sibling relationships. Specifically, parents need to supervise and monitor children so that they can recognize address any bad behavior/bullying instead of neglecting, overlooking it, or giving bad examples themselves. (It isn't having siblings that is the problem. My dad had 5 siblings and they had a beautiful and loving relationship through their lives and into old age.)
I'm the oldest of 6. There are narcissists, malignants, macaveilism, borderlines, and what I just learned, possibly a dark empath. I've gone no contact because of the toxicity. But they've done their damage. But as the scapegoat, I'm learning to find my joy in me becoming my family's Escape goat. Amen!!
Narcissistic siblings use reactive abuse as weapons against you. They do demonic tactics that cause an emotional outbursts and response. Thats why being logical and sensible helps. Respond don't react. They feed off of emotions. Respond do not react. They want to project their insecurities and failures onto you so you can be their hostage and prisoner. Dont be a skave to your emotions. If you cant respond without reaction silence speaks volumes. Silence is saying something without even uttering a word or just laugh. Distance breeds respect
Its well known after a death within our family - where there's a will there's a war! So many with entitled personality disorders, alcoholism and family dysfunction. Thank you Tamara for covering this very difficult dynamic xx
I'm just starting my therapy journey and several of your videos are about things my therapist has said to me. Parentification and trauma from a sibling. It's helpful to see others having the same experiences as me. Doesn't feel so lonely. ❤
I was in therapy for about 12 years , not having much progress until I started watching narcissism channels on CZcams. This is where I finally "got" that it wasn't me. It was my alcoholic father and my narcissistic mother. And now my narcissistic sisters. They seemed to have taken turns being the golden child because my mother even played them against each other. What a mess! I'm glad to be out of it. I wish you all the best from Louisiana ♡
My family is pretty dysfunctional but we’ve managed to maintain peace and there has been no major issues over the past 10 or so years. But that’s bc we all live in separate states. My oldest sister is the dark one, and I have fawned her for years. Survivorship plain and simple. For years now I’ve recognized that once my mother dies, my sister is going to unleash her next wave of toxicity. She’s morbidly jealous of me, histrionic, immature, paranoid and a perpetual victim. 😢
That's such a blessing that you've had peace for that long --- which, as you point out, is most likely managed by the distance everyone is at. My family is the same way. My best "advice" to you is to come up with a plan now, before your mom leaves, and figure out the role you will and will not play at that time. You may also want to talk to your mother about what she wants too so that you can determine where you need to be. I'm sorry to hear this. Believe it or not, you are not alone in this dilemma.
I couldn’t even attend my Mom’s funeral because my demon child brother gets triggered when he sees me. His 3 daughters also didn’t attend. His youngest daughter hasn’t had contact with him for 12 years. He could teach the master class in narcissism. All thanks to my Mom. What a mess. I’m so thankful your channel popped up in my feed.
I'm glad to have you! Welcome. I'm so sorry. It's horrible when a family cannot peacefully come together when saying goodbye to a family member. And it's even more heartbreaking when the family still remains separate after that loss. I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank You so much Tamara ❤ This Amazing video has caused a major breakthrough for me. I knew I had done nothing to my troubled sibling. She looked up to me until she turned 17. Up to that point, she imitated everything I did from hairstyle, clothing, personality, hobbies etc. I just knew we were going to be close for life. Shortly before she turned 16, I noticed our mom & her becoming closer. She began to imitate our mom. She slowly distanced herself from me. I already knew at an early age ( 6), that something was off with our mom. The more time my sibling spent with our mom, they became more alike towards me ( hostile, aggressive, incredible arrogance, competitive, telling lies on me, and other negative traits) She turned against me. She & our mom became a vicious team against me. Of the 6 girls, ppl didn't hesitate to say I am " the pretty one". My sibling heard this about me for most of her life. It never seemed to bother her until she became 17 & had became our mom's best friend. The 2 of them nearly drove me to suicide because the bullying, plotting, scheming, character assassination was too much. Once, someone told her she looked like me when she copied my hairstyle. Her reply: " I AM BB". Whenever someone would compliment me in front of her or mom, they'd become angry. She would pull me aside and say..." I'M Number 1". Yrs later, the disturbing things she did & said made my life a living nightmare. I was out of contact with her yrs ago. When I saw her again one day, she had the same coat and gloves I had on and she worked across the street from me. It is creepy. I quit my job when I found out she was stalking me. I am no contact now for over a year. But this video brought back EVERY disastrous moment from being in that household with her & my scheming hateful mother. I feel sorry for my sibling after watching your powerful video. It is mainly our cruel mom's fault. She never liked or loved me & enjoyed insulting me and being cruel. No matter what I did, she never had a good thing to say about me. Thank You...I really feel better and can see our mom for the mean lady she is.
I’m the middle child of three brothers. My older brother is essentially a bum who was spoon fed everything. My younger brother was the “baby” he was always forgiven. I was never given a chance, I was made to feel like a failure. My brothers would also look down on me because they were empowered by favoritism. I decided to go my own way. I haven’t talked to them in years and you can guess who they label as a bad person for not communicating. But I have the most important thing in life, peace and happiness.
I'm in the same exact sibling position, in the middle of both spoilt siblings when I had to work a lot harder and never got anything they did. Except I'm a female.
@theretrowoman80 i felt your comment to the core! I’m 22 years old and am making peace with the fact that I’ll probably never be accepted by my siblings.
I was parentified. I believe that's what had me in AA. I believe it was my underlining issue. Since sobar, I've been working on myself. Thank you Tamara for your help in my journey.
My older brother is called a sociopath by many people. I witnessed and experienced violence from him. When I disclosed my family seemed against me and used my disclosure to negatively frame my character. They particularly used my disclosure to leave me out of the loop when my mother died because she encouraged my brother to assault me. I was treated as more problematic for disclosing abuse
I'm sorry. Sometimes when people do discuss the dark secrets of the family (abuse, affairs, etc.), the family will turn on you because you are no longer "with them" but rather, "against them."
My mother used to casually talk about how my older brother set my crib on fire. When I was 5-9 he used to love to put me in a sleep hold and I'd ended up passed out. Whe I was 11, he tried to rape me and when I tried to tell, nobody believed me. And when I got older my mother told me to " Get over it. He was a teenaged boy. Boys will be boys" I suspect my brother has been molesting me when I was a baby too. Same brother tried to strangle me when I was 19, because " I talked back" when he was starting his mess. My mother knows it all and thensome. But somehow it's always been my fault.
I'm so sorry you went through that! I hope the Most High will shine a light on your path. I pray that you will have peace and happiness in life. Sending you a big hug❤
Ms. Hill, Another excellent and real topic. Sadly, I have had this experience with older siblings and found it confusing. They lived to torture and undermine me at every turn. I did survive and while I excelled in some areas of my life, I had self-esteem and problems with relationships. I was blessed with psychotherapy for about 15 years with the same therapist! I continue to do well professionally today!
My parents adopted me so my sister wouldn’t be alone. They did not adopt me just because they wanted another child. My sister was adopted, too. She told lies to my parents about me, accusing me of doing things that she was actually doing, herself. My parents never trusted me because of that. My family was so toxic … I was the black sheep because I distanced myself from them.
My twin sister is a sadist. She has been nothing but dark and weird my whole life. I have no contact with her now. But it was like having someone for no reason try and erase me. She was perpetually scheming and doing things to harm me. I had barely even comprehended the first thing before she would move onto something else. One of the schemes she did was to damage property. Lke wooden furniture , she would ruin things like my dads desk in his study. It looked like a pit bull had gone at it. She would do it at night and when my dad discovered the damage in the morning. Due to the damage being in the form of my intials chiseled into the wood repeatedly, different sizes and ad-hoc pattern. My father would go straight to my bedroom and drag me out of bed. I would be woken up by ny skull bouncing off the floor. Repeated blows as i would be dragged to the scene of the damage. Which i was seeing for the first time. Would be continued to be beat whilst demanded to know why i did it. Of which i couldn't answer because i didn't. I was seven years old, she had many different ways to turn my dad into a weapon. This went on for years. Through out my first decade of life. She turned both parents against me. Would humiliate me public every opportunity. Try and destroy every relationship in my world. It was like she never had 5 minutes off. When she wasn't enacting one of her grand designs i would get the feeling she was brooding and planning it. It was weird it was like having an active enemy that i couldn't fall asleep around. She wanted to be a boy, there was this aspect were i think she envied my biology sex. She was jealous of not my relationship with my dad because it was never good. But she envied the position of a son. She wanted to be a son. She eviscerated me from my own life. I have no relationship with any family member. She has never left the family home. We are both 44 now. She is like a baby bird that hasn't left the nest. She has my mum wrapped around her finger. She manipulates the entire narrative. Completely controlling. It's like being trapped in a self serving fantasy narrative were she is the writer, director and main star. She has never felt like a real human being to me. I was 30 the last grand design she did on our birthday publicly at a big extended family gathering. After that i walked away from the family. I am the black sheep in my family.
Our father’s attitude towards my brother and me can be neatly summed up in his pet names for us: “Boy Wonder” and “Knot Head”. I got called KH so much, I began wondering if Daddy forgot my real name.
Yes, absolutely! A dark empath has the dark triad of narcissism, psychopathy, and machiavellian. They often have these three things at the core of who they are.
My sisters blocked me…yeah it’s trauma. Yes I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It’s deep hate issues. I dropped off an outfit for my daughter. My nieces mom made a comment. Idk who is orchestrating it but it’s really bad and scary. Who knows but they really don’t live in reality I get worried a lot
CZcams will make the live chat available for you to see within 12 hours of this chat ending. Stay tuned! The best part.
I blocked my youngest sister 4 years ago because she's a drunk who has physically attacked me many times and only wants to call me to talk when she's crying in her beer. Then I blocked my oldest sister last year because she is conniving and untrustworthy. At 70 years old now, I finally realized I don't have to deal with them anymore.
I am the scapegoat.
I also had to get away from 2 siblings, older brother and younger sister, because of their toxicity.
I am only seeing my siblings at showers, weddings and funerals. I’m the oldest scapegoat of our narcissistic deceased father. My two younger siblings have followed in his footsteps. I’m in therapy to recover from all the trauma created by my family of origin.
Bad parenting (e.g. neglectful, narcissistic) is often the root cause of negative sibling relationships. Specifically, parents need to supervise and monitor children so that they can recognize address any bad behavior/bullying instead of neglecting, overlooking it, or giving bad examples themselves. (It isn't having siblings that is the problem. My dad had 5 siblings and they had a beautiful and loving relationship through their lives and into old age.)
I'm the oldest of 6. There are narcissists, malignants, macaveilism, borderlines, and what I just learned, possibly a dark empath. I've gone no contact because of the toxicity. But they've done their damage. But as the scapegoat, I'm learning to find my joy in me becoming my family's Escape goat. Amen!!
Me too!! I am #5 out of 6. Sister is dark empath. She destroyed the family.
💙 Escape Goat 💙 I love it! May you find your joy without them.
Or is it Escape G.O.A.T.?
Me too!
🖐 eldest of 5 here. 100% know where you're coming from. I had to walk away for my own mental health and my own family's needs that needed met. Xx
Narcissistic siblings use reactive abuse as weapons against you. They do demonic tactics that cause an emotional outbursts and response. Thats why being logical and sensible helps. Respond don't react. They feed off of emotions. Respond do not react. They want to project their insecurities and failures onto you so you can be their hostage and prisoner. Dont be a skave to your emotions. If you cant respond without reaction silence speaks volumes. Silence is saying something without even uttering a word or just laugh. Distance breeds respect
This reminds me of the Grey Rock Method.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I realize that not all narcissist respond well to that method. Your going to have to distance yourself from them.
Thank is true! Agree.
You just explained my sister to a tee!!! Her jealousy forced me into the scapegoat role. Had to go no contact. Family acts cult-like now.
This is Exactly what my husband's Siblings Act like
Its well known after a death within our family - where there's a will there's a war! So many with entitled personality disorders, alcoholism and family dysfunction. Thank you Tamara for covering this very difficult dynamic xx
Absolutely. You're welcome! We need more of this and I will continue to post on this topic throughout the year.
WOW…..you literally just described my family of origin .
I'm just starting my therapy journey and several of your videos are about things my therapist has said to me. Parentification and trauma from a sibling. It's helpful to see others having the same experiences as me. Doesn't feel so lonely. ❤
Yes, it does. That's why this channel continues to be a "community." I'm glad you are getting therapy too and using the videos here. That's great!
I was in therapy for about 12 years , not having much progress until I started watching narcissism channels on CZcams. This is where I finally "got" that it wasn't me. It was my alcoholic father and my narcissistic mother. And now my narcissistic sisters. They seemed to have taken turns being the golden child because my mother even played them against each other. What a mess! I'm glad to be out of it.
I wish you all the best from Louisiana ♡
My family is pretty dysfunctional but we’ve managed to maintain peace and there has been no major issues over the past 10 or so years.
But that’s bc we all live in separate states.
My oldest sister is the dark one, and I have fawned her for years.
Survivorship plain and simple.
For years now I’ve recognized that once my mother dies, my sister is going to unleash her next wave of toxicity.
She’s morbidly jealous of me, histrionic, immature, paranoid and a perpetual victim.
😢
That's such a blessing that you've had peace for that long --- which, as you point out, is most likely managed by the distance everyone is at. My family is the same way.
My best "advice" to you is to come up with a plan now, before your mom leaves, and figure out the role you will and will not play at that time. You may also want to talk to your mother about what she wants too so that you can determine where you need to be. I'm sorry to hear this. Believe it or not, you are not alone in this dilemma.
I couldn’t even attend my Mom’s funeral because my demon child brother gets triggered when he sees me.
His 3 daughters also didn’t attend.
His youngest daughter hasn’t had contact with him for 12 years.
He could teach the master class in narcissism.
All thanks to my Mom.
What a mess.
I’m so thankful your channel popped up in my feed.
I'm glad to have you! Welcome.
I'm so sorry. It's horrible when a family cannot peacefully come together when saying goodbye to a family member. And it's even more heartbreaking when the family still remains separate after that loss. I'm sorry for your loss.
@@TherapistTamaraHill
Thank you.
This video is probably the most perfectly aligned with my story. Spot on. Thank you!
You're so welcome!
Thank You so much Tamara ❤ This Amazing video has caused a major breakthrough for me. I knew I had done nothing to my troubled sibling. She looked up to me until she turned 17. Up to that point, she imitated everything I did from hairstyle, clothing, personality, hobbies etc. I just knew we were going to be close for life. Shortly before she turned 16, I noticed our mom & her becoming closer. She began to imitate our mom. She slowly distanced herself from me. I already knew at an early age ( 6), that something was off with our mom. The more time my sibling spent with our mom, they became more alike towards me ( hostile, aggressive, incredible arrogance, competitive, telling lies on me, and other negative traits) She turned against me. She & our mom became a vicious team against me. Of the 6 girls, ppl didn't hesitate to say I am " the pretty one". My sibling heard this about me for most of her life. It never seemed to bother her until she became 17 & had became our mom's best friend. The 2 of them nearly drove me to suicide because the bullying, plotting, scheming, character assassination was too much. Once, someone told her she looked like me when she copied my hairstyle. Her reply: " I AM BB". Whenever someone would compliment me in front of her or mom, they'd become angry. She would pull me aside and say..." I'M Number 1". Yrs later, the disturbing things she did & said made my life a living nightmare. I was out of contact with her yrs ago. When I saw her again one day, she had the same coat and gloves I had on and she worked across the street from me. It is creepy. I quit my job when I found out she was stalking me. I am no contact now for over a year. But this video brought back EVERY disastrous moment from being in that household with her & my scheming hateful mother. I feel sorry for my sibling after watching your powerful video. It is mainly our cruel mom's fault. She never liked or loved me & enjoyed insulting me and being cruel. No matter what I did, she never had a good thing to say about me. Thank You...I really feel better and can see our mom for the mean lady she is.
Thank you so much on how to deal with these difficult behaviors and types of characteristics within sibling dynamics. Thank you.
You're welcome!! So glad this discussion was helpful to you.🙂
I’m the middle child of three brothers. My older brother is essentially a bum who was spoon fed everything. My younger brother was the “baby” he was always forgiven.
I was never given a chance, I was made to feel like a failure. My brothers would also look down on me because they were empowered by favoritism.
I decided to go my own way. I haven’t talked to them in years and you can guess who they label as a bad person for not communicating. But I have the most important thing in life, peace and happiness.
I'm in the same exact sibling position, in the middle of both spoilt siblings when I had to work a lot harder and never got anything they did. Except I'm a female.
Best video I've seen on this topic, thanks
Glad it was helpful! Thank you!
@theretrowoman80 i felt your comment to the core! I’m 22 years old and am making peace with the fact that I’ll probably never be accepted by my siblings.
JESUS ACCEPTS YOU AND HE WILL GIVE YOU A FAMILY IN HIS HOUSE.
I was parentified. I believe that's what had me in AA. I believe it was my underlining issue. Since sobar, I've been working on myself. Thank you Tamara for your help in my journey.
You're welcome! And that's wonderful. May God be with you on this journey.
My older brother is called a sociopath by many people. I witnessed and experienced violence from him. When I disclosed my family seemed against me and used my disclosure to negatively frame my character. They particularly used my disclosure to leave me out of the loop when my mother died because she encouraged my brother to assault me.
I was treated as more problematic for disclosing abuse
I'm sorry.
Sometimes when people do discuss the dark secrets of the family (abuse, affairs, etc.), the family will turn on you because you are no longer "with them" but rather, "against them."
Thank you for this info tonight. Very valuable!!
You are so welcome! 🤗 Glad this was helpful.
My mother used to casually talk about how my older brother set my crib on fire.
When I was 5-9 he used to love to put me in a sleep hold and I'd ended up passed out.
Whe I was 11, he tried to rape me and when I tried to tell, nobody believed me. And when I got older my mother told me to " Get over it. He was a teenaged boy. Boys will be boys" I suspect my brother has been molesting me when I was a baby too.
Same brother tried to strangle me when I was 19, because " I talked back" when he was starting his mess.
My mother knows it all and thensome. But somehow it's always been my fault.
My goodness I’m so sorry your mother did not protect you!
Hope you know it's not your fault. I'm sorry you were put through that, then had your feelings invalidated.
I'm so sorry you went through that! I hope the Most High will shine a light on your path. I pray that you will have peace and happiness in life. Sending you a big hug❤
NONE of what you described was your fault! None of it! ever!! Your mum will say that so she doesn't have to take any accountability!
Ms. Hill, Another excellent and real topic. Sadly, I have had this experience with older siblings and found it confusing. They lived to torture and undermine me at every turn. I did survive and while I excelled in some areas of my life, I had self-esteem and problems with relationships. I was blessed with psychotherapy for about 15 years with the same therapist! I continue to do well professionally today!
My parents adopted me so my sister wouldn’t be alone. They did not adopt me just because they wanted another child. My sister was adopted, too. She told lies to my parents about me, accusing me of doing things that she was actually doing, herself. My parents never trusted me because of that. My family was so toxic … I was the black sheep because I distanced myself from them.
I'm sorry to hear this. Never an easy puzzle to put together. 😔 Adopted children often go through quite a bit.
My twin sister is a sadist. She has been nothing but dark and weird my whole life. I have no contact with her now. But it was like having someone for no reason try and erase me. She was perpetually scheming and doing things to harm me. I had barely even comprehended the first thing before she would move onto something else. One of the schemes she did was to damage property. Lke wooden furniture , she would ruin things like my dads desk in his study. It looked like a pit bull had gone at it. She would do it at night and when my dad discovered the damage in the morning. Due to the damage being in the form of my intials chiseled into the wood repeatedly, different sizes and ad-hoc pattern. My father would go straight to my bedroom and drag me out of bed. I would be woken up by ny skull bouncing off the floor. Repeated blows as i would be dragged to the scene of the damage. Which i was seeing for the first time. Would be continued to be beat whilst demanded to know why i did it. Of which i couldn't answer because i didn't. I was seven years old, she had many different ways to turn my dad into a weapon. This went on for years. Through out my first decade of life. She turned both parents against me. Would humiliate me public every opportunity. Try and destroy every relationship in my world. It was like she never had 5 minutes off. When she wasn't enacting one of her grand designs i would get the feeling she was brooding and planning it. It was weird it was like having an active enemy that i couldn't fall asleep around. She wanted to be a boy, there was this aspect were i think she envied my biology sex. She was jealous of not my relationship with my dad because it was never good. But she envied the position of a son. She wanted to be a son. She eviscerated me from my own life. I have no relationship with any family member. She has never left the family home. We are both 44 now. She is like a baby bird that hasn't left the nest. She has my mum wrapped around her finger. She manipulates the entire narrative. Completely controlling. It's like being trapped in a self serving fantasy narrative were she is the writer, director and main star. She has never felt like a real human being to me. I was 30 the last grand design she did on our birthday publicly at a big extended family gathering. After that i walked away from the family. I am the black sheep in my family.
Yes ma'am. Its happening. Going into The next generation with this MESS In my in-laws family 😔
Our father’s attitude towards my brother and me can be neatly summed up in his pet names for us: “Boy Wonder” and “Knot Head”. I got called KH so much, I began wondering if Daddy forgot my real name.
Please do a live about differences between narcissists, dark empaths, psychopaths in siblings.
🎯🎯🎯great video
Thank you 🤗 Glad this was helpful to you!
Can a dark empath have narcissistic tendencies?
Yes, absolutely! A dark empath has the dark triad of narcissism, psychopathy, and machiavellian. They often have these three things at the core of who they are.
@TherapistTamaraHill Thank ypu!
My sisters blocked me…yeah it’s trauma. Yes I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It’s deep hate issues. I dropped off an outfit for my daughter. My nieces mom made a comment. Idk who is orchestrating it but it’s really bad and scary. Who knows but they really don’t live in reality I get worried a lot
You have a very beautiful complexion
My Mom told me and my youngest brother that we should have never been born!
Sometimes parents see a part of themselves in a child that they do not like! Because of this, that child becomes the scapegoat!