The Heart of Manipulation is Covert Aggression
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
- Humans do more fighting in life than running. But WHY and HOW one fights largely defines one's character. Manipulators are covert-aggressors, using clever, stealthy, underhanded tactics to exert power and control.
I'm not young but when I was, my father mentioned once that I recall that when he was a kid, people didn't have to lock their cars or homes. Now, even locked homes get broken into, and stolen by squatters. The world changed completely within just two generations.
Absolutely!
I grew up in rural Vermont & never locked anything at all… not even my own home at night. Now retired to Florida I’m having dreams about locks & break ins ❤️🩹 never owned a weapon either because lack of fear was always my safest protection but it’s not true anymore
The Tao Te Ching has the remedy.
Almost as if there were other profound changes to the makeup of our society during this time, destroying kinship and trust...
While it's true that we human beings have always had our issues, it's hard to deny that so many things have changed - drastically - and not for the good. Truly sad. Especially sad that some folks actually do deny the reality or don't care.
Years ago, when i heard you say, "it's not defense it's offense "
That was a game changer for me!!
Everything clicked!!
And i saw what i was REALLY dealing with!!
Your books literally saved my life!
Being highly empathetic i was a narcissist's favorite snack!
That was THEN!
GBY 🙏⚔️🙌
Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that the words struck a chord.
Your gut tells you all you need to know.
Sometimes a compliment is felt as genuine and other times it’s part of manipulation. The gut s incredible.
No victims fight to have one less abuser in the system.
You describe manipulators very accurately.
Thank you!
I agree. My brother and sister- in-law started trying to control me, once my mother died. My brother tried a little before then, but it really amped up, after her death. My sister-in-law really was trying to run my life, under the guise of trying to help. I thought before, that maybe she was just overdoing it. But, recently, she and my brother have been trying to force me to buy a new car. The car I have still runs good. And, I will buy a new one when I'm ready. A few days ago, my sister-in-law tried to tell me that my brother was the owner of my car. No, he's not. I think they wanted me to surrender my car to them, so that they could sell it, and keep the money; or give it to one of their kids. I had to get tough with my sister-in-law, and tell her I was the owner, and if they had my car towed off, that I would have them arrested for car theft. She backed off then. Except that she and my brother may have added me to a large group of people who had a group text going. I was getting texts from people I didn't even know. I had to get tough with all of them too. But now, I feel free.
My mother was blissfully unaware of all of this behaviour until a person like that married into our family, and then we all got a crash course on it.
It would have been nice to live in previous eras.
I had a very bad therapy experience- it lasted 4 whole years and had me doubt everything about myself.
Get up and walk precious one. You are a survivor and overcomer.
I have some articles on the blog about therapy-induced (iatrogenic) trauma that you might find helpful.
Character dysfunction...well described Mr. Simon!
Unfortunately couples therapy today works on a 'normal' 50%/50% responsibility structure, assuming love, civility & fair play are a given with both partners seeking resolution equally. I was introduced to Myers-Briggs personality sorter, which is indeed interesting but in no way explained the core problem of my situation. It's hard to see, let alone understand, something as foreign to 'normal' as covert aggression & character disturbance. Thank you Dr. Simon for adding this essential puzzle piece, of which I was totally unaware of & therefore completely blind to, even after decades of searching for an answer.
self-report, forced choice inventories that tap into a few dimensions of personality are pretty useless when you're talking about a pathological preferred style of relating. And too many counselors let those patterns occur right within a session without benign confrontation and correction. When it comes to character dysfunction, it's not your usual ballgame!
Thanks Dr. Simon and God Bless !
Thank you, George. Much needed wisdom and understanding, God Bless!
Thank you!
@@georgeksimonit’s been a few years Dr. George, but I had an email exchange with you in the past regarding studying forensic psychology. I’m so glad you’re posting videos for people to listen to you, as you have a great understanding of disordered personalities. Our society has lost its way and its compass. It’s harder to have real depth in relationships these days. A lot more scrutiny is needed, which can sometimes be “too complicated” for people. We have to be more careful of others and even check our own selves. It can be hard not to respond in a wrong manner when someone is being a jerk.
@@Jaxbass-xb3sy Thank you!
Thank you Dr. Simon, what regret I have for tolerating this wicked behaviour you perfectly have described and my weakness for not standing it up to it when my gut first told me how wrong it was for it only got worse and worse and worse. Now it is a monumental project to expose it and to try to stop it.
Plausible deniability is what they hide behind. It was just a joke, they were simply late, they just wanted to show you their new car, showing up unannounced was simply a mistake, etc.
Just wonderful!! 🌟
Thank you!
bravo !!
I have been with you since around 2012. And your videos have helped me immensely. Thank You !!!
Thanks for checking on us Dr. George:)
American Truckers typically have good Character:)
Birds of a Feather - Flock Together
Thank you! I can only imagine the work ethic.
Thanks for this video - your unique work is so appreciated.
Thank you
You totally explain easily about covert ppl. Thank you very much
"Character matters!" Let them go.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3 having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, 4 betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5 having an appearance of godliness but proving false to its power; and from these turn away."
Thank you for all you have done for those of us who have ears to hear. Keep up the good fight!
Thank you!
Such a crucial understanding you’ve delineated and expressed… one is so vulnerable to devious types when naive about this information…
So true and well said!
Thank you, Dr Simon, I've calmed down, just listening to your voice. It's all a bit crazy right now, so easy to get lost in heavy emotions. What us humans do to animals is so evil, so very evil, I wish that all of us would value life and have compassion towards the animals. I'd like a world, where it is unthinkable to harm another creature, and eating the flesh of an animal would be as repulsive to people as eating a human child. I'll never be able to see such a compassionate world here, I'm glad I'm old, I'm ready to go home, back to my creator.
I’m glad you’re still here, helping to tip the balance. It’s better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness 😊
@@JoButterwick 💖
Your Creator decided eating is necessary. It didn’t make a mistake.
An accurate description of Meeghain
Truth matters.
I've never heard you before sir. I can immediately tell you come from a Philosophical background, officially or not.
I just had a realization before opening my browsers and having your video suggested that cracked my heart open with a hammer of profound sorrow to reveal a more expensive, newly unboundried love of all life and I'm going to leave it in your comments in lieu of writing about it like I thought I might.
I've been in a dynamic of which I've been blind to the reality of since 2018. I realized about a year ago that I had created a fantasy of this other person, a character in my mind, that didn't align with what I may have seen had I been objective and just watched everything from the perspective of a security camera. In my mind this person was stoic, the most strong and gentle soul I had ever come across. I didn't recognize it as a fantasy at the time. I suppose what I am about to describe would be a daydream, maybe like a chapter out of the novel that was the fantasy. While alone, for example, I recall having a scene play out in my mind. One of many. The one I'll describe now may seem so simple but it was everything I needed, lacked, craved in my life. My family is very dramatic. Getting the simple truth of a situation picked out of all of the assumptions, opinions, personal judgements- which would all be stated as factual and to ask questions to figure out what the objective part is takes a tenacious detective and be sure you'll be an enemy by the end for not blindly accepting what you are handed and wishing only to make your own judgement of the facts.
So daydream: I get to some location where my family is and some big event has occured, people are hysterical and all speaking over each other. I need to know what has happened so I can handle the situation appropriately. In the midst of the chaos, I just ask for this stoic man, I need to speak with him. I find him. He speaks calmly and details the progression of events and where things stand now at this point that I have arrived. It is some kind of emergency, maybe even involving my son, and although I do still have to handle this crisis I have a sturdy platform where I can get clarity and support. In a sea of dramatic nonsense, I know there is one place I can stand, one person I can listen to and deliberate with where things are real and honest, make sense, somewhere I can thrive and have a real chance at gaining footing so I can finally be effective in the way I operate. An island of sanity in an angry sea of insanity. In my fantasy, this humble and strong man thinks nothing of gain. He is a caretaker, he's a hard worker for an honest wage- an honest transaction to make a living but would never even have the concept cross his mind to scheme for personal gain. To the point of questioning his social abilities, almost too honest and good to the verge of seeming simply simple. (Oh is that what 'simp' means? If so, it's the last trait I would think lowly of)
So I'll skip to now. I imagine anyone that may read this knows all the ins and outs of emotional and psychological manipulation, abuse, pathological lying. I began waking up to it about a year ago and have obsessively tried to figure out what was going on, be a therapist and counselor to us both, learn new relationship skills I had missed/we had missed and us learn and practice together. It's really so much more than that but there is plenty of info and sharing of the stories and pain we all go through during this period. I've been randomly making posts explaining in anger, pain, frustration, depression, confusion, at moments of epiphany, etc.
I want to share the bit of time before this comment now though.
I saw it with a new depth of clarity. He actually doesn't have any concept in his mind of communicating or a soul in any other being, i don't think he has a concept of his own soul. Everything is nothing more than performance to present a character who others will see however they need to see it in order for them to behave and feel the way he wants.
I think we each get to decide how we want to live and that should be something we can take for granted. As long as we aren't hurting anyone else. He could be the performer, the character/s he wants and just not get close to anyone and that would be fine.
He is like a small child who doesn't have a concept of life in the noisy kitten or it's separate needs and so smothers it then is confused when it doesn't wake back up.
Has others, and their souls, around to play with and if he breaks one, it's ok he can go get another.
It's tragic for both parties. I've been abused in ways that hurt much worse than any physical abuse I've ever received. My health, physical and mental, is pretty bad. I haven't really taken an inventory to understand the destruction. I know I've thought my psyche was beyond salvagable a couple of times but I can ramble on in a CZcams comment section so it must be in tact😅 but I have teeth that are loose and broken. A cardio issue I believe, If I'm standing for too long one and sometimes both of my calves get this pain like blood is puddling in them and it isn't the same as a swollen feeling. Idk. I didn't have any health problems and had always stayed on top of any dental concerns. I'll see a doctor, I don't want to be disingenuous and say "soon" bc idk but maybe soon.
It's not like he's healthy and cared for. He's dying as quickly as he can and just having fun in until then it seems.
The sorrow for not just myself, not just the two of us, the state of humanity and life, it is incredibly deep and despairing.
It cracked my heart.
Finally though, it cracked it in the way I've heard spoken of here and there, it cracked it w-i-d-e open. It feels like nothing but space now. Space for all of life. It feels air-y.
I'm not angry any longer.
Hope it's not cardiac arrest or psychosis 😊
I definitely didn't intend to make a joke at the end. It just occured to me and this has been heavy.
I'm not going to go back over any of that. Apologies for errors, no doubt there are many.
I don't expect anyone who is being victimized to "forgive and love" how horribly invalidating and that rhetoric only purpetuates abuse. You are correct and justified for exactly how you feel and where you are. Ha I don't really doubt I'll be full of righteous rage again *soon (maybe I'll see a doc first 🤔)
Ok, this is beyond being "too much"
If you've read this far, hi! You know me better than anyone in the world rn. Annnddd.... I'm sorry lol
I have paid the ultimate price.
We cannot show to the world the emotional and psycologcal wounds sadly.
Thank you
My father knew if someone had good character.as he aged he didn't see the usual flaws some had came down hard on me. I took care of my father until the end . No one is worth getting upset over ...u knew w my mom use to say ," when the going gets tough the tough get going "
Thank you !
Agree.
Thank you for your constant prediction on this topic 👍
You just described politicians and presidents 😅
💚💙❤🥰thank you
🌹
Can being gaslit and related to a narcissist give you health problems? Because I get gaslit alot and treated like a doormat. Plus overtime I developed all kinds of health problems like depression, anxiety issues, low self esteem, stress, insomnia, diabetes I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, being used by narcissist.
Yes they can indirectly cause health problems, both mental and physical. In the same way any kind of severe stress can. Not that they would ever cop to that. All the more reason to look after your health. Control what you can control. In fact, I think looking after your physical health is a subject not often enough talked about not only in staving off mental illness but also the indirect negative effects of aggressive people in your life generally.
Aggressive, manipulative people can try on every tactic in the book to get you down emotionally. Your job is to make their job as hard as possible. Looking after your physical state as best you reasonably can is essential. Mental and physical well-being are linked.
Absolutely! The stress associated with emotional trauma can lead to all sorts of complications.
Dr. Simon I really enjoy your works, and somehow while watching this I got a gut feeling (and I promise this ain't an ad): I suspect you'd enjoy Patrick Teahan's channel - and it seems highly likely you might draw some novel inspiration from it. Inspiration for or to what? I wouldn't know
Thank you. I'll check him out.
TU sir. So much
This says how we got to where we are.
Did you by chance teach psychology at USIU San Diego?
Sorry, I did not teach there. I did a couple of workshops nearby in the late 90's and early 2000's
Reptiles
given to idolatry. Therefore disputed he in the synagogue with the Jews, and with the devout persons, and in the market daily with them that met with him. Then certain philosophers of the Epicureans, and of the Stoicks, encountered him. And some said, What will this babbler say? other some, He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods: because he preached unto them Jesus, and the resurrection. And they took him, and brought him unto Areopagus, saying, May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, is? For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears: we would know therefore what these things mean. (For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing.)
Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars’ hill, and said, Ye men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious. For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you. God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; and hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; that they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: for in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring. Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device. And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.
Manipula
Coercive control is the new normal ❤️🩹 don’t trust anything other than your gut plz it’s called instinct & animals listen to it for good reason! Your body cannot lie
@markvicente