Relief from limerence by zooming out
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Get 1-1 coaching from me with limerence: www.unfoldinglimerence.com
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Hi I’m Marios, on this channel we talk about psychology. I'm soon starting my doctorate degree in counselling psychology in London.
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00:00 Introduction
00:19 The Zoom Out concept
00:42 Who am I? What is this channel?
01:07 When will you need this?
01:45 How do you 'Zoom Out'?
02:50 The story of 'you'
03:22 Limerece is not codified
04:01 Moving out of limerence
04:27 What is the Limerent Object really?
05:35 Become the protagonist again
Disclaimer: On the channel we discuss themes relating to psychology and mental health, but it is not advice and if you need support including mental or medical attention please seek support from a licensed professional.
#limerence #obsession #heartbreak
tags: limerence, obsessive love, obsession, love, why can't I stop thinking about them, psychology, personal development, limerence help, limerence cure, limerence vs love, limerence abandonment, limerence addiction, limerence intrusive thoughts
Coaching with me, for limerence:
www.unfoldinglimerence.com
How do i talk to my wife abiut her being limerant for someone without her thinking in trying to dismiss her, im changing working on me but it was a mutal limerance affair. Both married. So its like its really got its teeth in her. Will she ever re surface out of the fog and msybe have some sense of logic bacj
Limerence is crippling. Total darkness. Devastating. Life-changing when it starts, and life-changing when it ends. It took me 5 years to recover and learn the lessons I needed to learn.
Can u share with me plz plz
When i recognize limerance , i know nothing good can come from it. Once someone is an object of fantasy or rumination, run dont walk away. It will never work.
How are we supposed to live our lives when every romantic interest becomes limererent 😢
@@megan5873 great question. If you normalize your own behavior relationships have a chance to breathe and develop. It gives things time.
@@donpeace894 thank you 🙏- and do you mean normalise like most people
Feel limmerance at the start or rels or that it’s normal for me? I feel like that’s the lesson I’m learning this year ‘slow down’ (trying to)
Got in a relationship with my LO. It got super toxic pretty fast. I was constantly disappointed and tried to live a fairy tale. All my anxieties surfaced. At the end she started to suspect I want to be with her for some unhealthy reasons. She didn't feel like I am authentic. We broke up twice. I never suspected that at the age of 30 I can still become so obsessed about an idea of someone and completely trample on my boundaries just to be with someone. Never again. Don't do it. Limerence is a poison to both parties.
After I started learning about the concept, I traced it back to a period in my life when I just exited another toxic/bad relationship and overall dissatisfaction with life (mild depression). Now that I think of it, what I craved the most at that point in life, was external validation. That would confirm the idea that we develop limerence when we lack self-love.
I have a friend who I started crushing on out of nowhere and then it blew up into limerence. I didn't see it coming. It started out of a place of caring; I saw she was struggling and I wanted to help. Maybe I wanted someone to care about because I don't care enough about myself? Even though the limerence is finally waning, it's good to think about who I am and what led me to this point. So thanks for the video, lots to think about.
THIS JUST HAPPENED TO ME, TOO. I fell for a friend out of literally nowhere, and it escalated so quickly! I'm aware that I'm delusional, but it has become this intrusive thought I can't get out of my head.
rel
Same happened to me
Very relatable. Mine too started from caring about a friend and helping her financially. I fell for her in a big way and it feels very messy and lonely.
I’ve definitely traced my limerence episode to an extremely stressful time in my life. Once the illusion scattered away- all the “issues” came to the surface
Three keys that have helped me with limerance, rumination and fixation.
1. Workout of some sort. Physical exertion allows the release of anger and gives you something to focus on.
2. Write down the person or memory that keeps occurring. Follow it with a question to yourself such as "How do i overcome this? What else can i focus on?"
3. On a piece of paper draw a square. Number and write down evwrything that you have control over. Ex (1. Workout 2. Writing 3. Bike ride 4. Studies 5. Meditation and stretching etc.). Then around this box draw a circle and enumerate everything outside of your control (ex. 1. The actions of her/him 2. The thoughts of others 3. The judgement of others 4. What people say to you etc.)
Every day that your ruminations come back, look at this sheet of paper and realize how much more is under your control than what isnt. Then realize the power within you cannot be touched, this is true strength and confidence.
My LO goes to my gym 😅
Need genuine help. What if I don't feel like I have control over studies, meditation, etc.? I lost interest in all these activities.
@@nahiyanalamgir7056 bruh, go for a walk, so some pushups, write down your thoughts. Gotta put in work, you just have to make that choice. Nobody is gonna do the work for you.
@@talesfromthetrailz I did all of the 3 things you mentioned today. I can only focus if I visit a public place like a cafe to do my work. However, when I come back home I can't focus on anything. I know how important self-care is but I'm constantly struggling to feel normal again. And the level of anxiety and depression is overwhelming.
@@nahiyanalamgir7056 I see, so when you're home alone you struggle? What I do is sit in a room and just breathe man. You have to force yourself to remain in the discomfort. Don't think about meditation, just take deep breaths and focus on your 5 senses. What do you see, feel, hear, taste, smell? I do a 5-4-3-2-1 with all my senses. 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear, 3 I can feel, 2 smell, 1 taste.
I’m stuck in limerence right now over this guy and I feel like I’m suffocated by my own misery. Nothing else matters but him, I will cancel plans to stay home just to daydream about him and re read our texts because nothing is as important as him. Dear god I wish there were a cure for this.
Wishing the same. Been having limerence for 2 years and no end in sight
I’m literally in bed right now while it is gorgeous outside and ruminating heavily
My LO was and is showing me all the things I lack inside, all the wounds I did not take care of and that I didn't even knew about. My LO also shows me what I truly want in life ( a real connection and true love) but am very much afraid of ( and never admitted that to myself). So yes, in a sense the LO shows/mirrors a lot and honestly, it sucks like hell, buth I never would have been able to grow so much on the inside without it. I do see it as a possibility to try and merge 5D and 3D wit a real person, not the LO. It shows me, where I want to be and what I have to change in order to get there and that means: healing my wounds. So, instead of always saying this is so aweful I came to acknowledge it as a possibility to grow fast!
same, my LO is the type of person that I always wanted to be deep down inside, and I am complete opposite of that.
You said it perfectly. Same here
Well said!
2:18 retrace your steps as to who you were before limerence, meaning what is it that led you into this point
4:06 the natural moving out of limerence is to develop a strong sense of self to believe that you are worthy
I don't know...I know this phenomenon from inside out, it was just as much turture as joy. But without it I would not be the person who I am today. It was my hide away, my go to - place, my addiction, my big love story, my shame and misery and so on. All of it. What about the heavy weight of Being? I needed this until I did not but it was a long way. Many of us find ourselves in sad and empty situations with sometimes sad and empty or hard lives, and yes, feeling important, special and validated feels awesome for most of us. Especially for the ones who had little of it. Even just feeling feels great. I never hear the term "falling in love" anymore. Yes, falling hard for someone can take an unhealthy form or turn for many reasons. How did Gabor Mate say it? 99% of people are addicted to something and 1% are just kidding themselves? Obsession and passion also stand close to each other and without passion no creation. I think this is a complex issue, we humans like to play, fantasize (adults too), exaggerate, some even like suffering - it gives meaning. Our culture is full of limerence, healthy love is not that exciting. I even heard someone saying that he missed the feeling of being crazily in love, it stood for being alive. So this topic is not only psychological but also existential, philosophical and spiritual. If people cannot function and want help and want reality because they woke up from this "dream", it's good to cure them out of their imagination. But otherwise I think it serves a purpose, maybe more than one - besides they wouldn't listen anyways 😂. As you say in another video, acceptance is the key, for both just getting out what it wants to bring to you or start to change your ways and yourself. This is a big one, I spent an awful lot of time fighting it which I see now as waste. But the whole issue or proces was not a waste at all, there is no race only growth.
thank you. beautifully written.
@@ra9552 Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
I have so much shame about this. Going through a situation now, not sure how to get out of it.
Hi Mario’s, I’d love a video on limerence despite being in a healthy and happy marriage / friendships / family relationships. I believe my limerence habits began due to an extremely emotionally neglectful home, and so crushes almost became an addiction despite having fulfilling relationships. I understand why I cling to crushes- the emotions are literally addicting but I need methods to get out of this mindset.
Yes I will do a video on this. Thanks for suggesting.
Recently I started talking to someone and after we talked and saw each other for the first time my mind was blown away and got obssesed with them pretty quickly.
Realizing everything that is going on and watching this video, makes me feel so identified with it. Thank you so much for your help!
🤗 thank you for this
I think it does have to do with self worth.
Hard to get out of limerence because it feels like whole brain is rewired
One of the wonders of internet and social media is that they can lead you to answers that would might help determine your current state and well being. I saw about limerence on Tiktok and shocked that I am maybe having this. And so after watching a couple of videos about it, I am sure I have it. I was actually asking why I am so obsessed thinking about this one person and whenever I do, I am elated over those fantasies until I realize he's been occupying my mind every day and I feel weird about this. I know there is something wrong. I even find it not normal anymore. Now, I am seeking answers on how I would help myself let this all go one step at a time. I don't want to be in this rabbit hole - I wanna break free from this.
I feel you.
I'm glad I came across this channel.. you help people notice something that's hard to figure out. I think the best part about your videos is where you go into the details and explain them with quick examples 👏🏻
Thank you very much 🌿
Wow that is such a lovely compliment, and so encouraging for me to continue. I appreciate you writing that!
Limerance... I have never heard this word. I have this terrible limerence.... it is literally crippling to my life..... thanks for the video and insight.
Your videos on this topic has helped me so greatly and stop living in pain of this vicious cycle. Thank you ♥️
I’m so glad, thank you for commenting this and best of luck.
I know a girl who, when I met her, I thought was the true one (silly me) and even though I might have felt some form of love for her in the beginning, it quickly turned into limerence. At first, this state of limerence seemed like love to me and even seemed to be good. But I quickly started doubting this, and as me and my friends concluded this wasn't actual love and instead an obsession, the limerence quickly turned into what I call "mental self-torture". This then became something I wanted to rid from me and to this day I'm trying to get rid of it with minimal success, I can't imagine returning to my life before her when I didn't even think about romanticism. Your videos are helping me through, so thanks!
How's the progress going?
I also find it helpful to acknowledge my gratitude for my limerence, for showing me how I want to feel, and how I believe I really am worthy for that sort of love, and to that person for inspiring me to work on myself and get more rooted in myself and self love and self worthiness. I also had to remind myself it's never worth "chasing" anyone who doesn't see your worth, and to get back to myself.
I am stuck on a girl from 30 years ago
Damn! That must feel sooo hard! @@PlanetWomble
@@PlanetWombleI am so sorry you are going through this for 30 years
It is a living hell
Thank you so much. I looked back and realized it’s my work arrangement changes and I was afraid I was downgraded, and then here came the new colleague. By helping her onboard, I felt I was important again. That’s how I fell Limerence.
Worse thing about limerance. . Finding out what it is at 46yrs old. Im grateful i did regardless. I will automatically educate and pass thr knowledge on to my kids, their kid and anyone that would benefit from knowing. 😮😮❤
This really helped me a lot!!! Not just with limerance towards people, but an event that happened that I can't stop ruminating about. Thanks!
I’m so glad! Thank you for sharing
I had an experience with limerence around this time last year. Summer of 2022, I had a fling with a woman in San Diego, I was there for a summer internship. We had a blast together, a real connection, and she was the first (and so far only) person I've ever had romantic love for. When I got back to Arizona, we still talked over FaceTime around once a week for like two months. Despite her clear statements to me that she did not want a long-distance relationship, I refused to truly take her at her word. When she informed me over text that she did start seeing someone, I was devastated. She ended contact with me when she broke the news, and for a good two or three months I was a mess inside. I'm over it now and happy in my life, but I'll never forget that feeling of obsession and heartbreak I had during those few months. Great video! Really appreciated. 🙂
How long did it take for you to get over it?
@@samia6888 I'd say it took about 4-5 months to noticeably begin healing from it. I still had some moments of pain from there, but after 7 or 8 months I realized I was basically over it. It's important to be kind to yourself, and reach out to your support network when you're going through the hard moments.
Thank you so much 🎉 you are one of the fewest people who have their focus on the psychology behind limerence . It helps a lot
Thank you for this. It's a different way of stating what I've learned about my own limerence: I was so vulnerable when I met him; I had lost so much in the death of my beloved mate; I was starting my life over and it felt like ground zero, just empty. I have a steep climb but I know I can do it. He is slowly, ever so imperceptibly shrinking in my mind and heart. I'm getting my self back, the newer, bigger version. Thank you for your help.
Perfect, I really needed this today.
Your insightful discussions on limerance have made many things make sense. I've listened to other experts explain it, but none of them give me light bulb moments like you do. Thank you!
Great video my friend! It’s helped me “ride the wave”. It’s also given me some perspective on what is currently going on for me in this state of limerence I find myself in Thank you
Wonderful video!
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain everything so clearly 😊😊
Thank you, dear Marios.
This practical, specific advice is so helpful. Thank you. It’s a tool I can use.
im happy I came across this, I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing for nearly a year now and haven’t even known there was a term for it. im not sure if im going to be able to break out of it very quickly, but thank you for the video nonetheless 🙏🏻
It's more than helpful, really thank u
Just keep on going ❤
Glad to hear that, thank you.
These are the only videos I've found actually dealing with the root cause and how to handle it, and it helps so much! Thank you!
Wow! Incredible. Thank you
I had a limerent episode about 4yrs ago, was totally obsessed with someone, first I thought it was a beautiful experience then I realised it was a trap, unhealthy situation but I couldn't get out😢 It took me 2 yrs to get over it, during this time I worked really hard on myself, healed my abandonment wounds and other things so I'm a lot better than I was before this episode. It was the hardest time in my life though. I'm glad I'm over it now, hopefully never again I find myself in this kind od situation/hell 🙏
Thank you, its really helpful
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you. blessings!
Thank you for making this. Did this exercise today and I already feel better. Your other videos are very helpful too, wish I had found them sooner. Keep it up!
Thank you for the feedback. Glad they help. Please keep responding so I know what to make for the channel.
This girl made me feel worth a dime since my ex destroyed me over a year ago… i messed uo by opening up too much since she got into my life during a pretty hard time on my life, in result i pushed her away and now i struggle to focus on anything at all, i really wanna learn to let go
Oh man, I don't think you want to even touch my case. How about a 30 year old case of limerence and what ifs, lol? Met someone at 17, but they already had a girlfriend. Sparks did fly though. Ended up dating their cousin instead, and that blew up in my face. I got married to someone else who took advantage of my CPTSD for 28 years. I finally woke up and realized I didn't have to allow the abuse to happen anymore. I'm in the process of leaving, and I reconnected with my old crush. Big mistake. For five months I was breadcrumbed into a huge limerent state I've never experienced before. Luckily I came to my senses and did a background check. Found out he was married the whole time, and was trying to convince me into becoming a sidepiece. So glad I never caved in. But, I think that is why I can't get that Jerk out of my head. Unrequited love. It's the NEVER knowing. I've thought for decades about what it would be like to be with this person, for so long it hurts. Sometimes the high moral ground sucks. I'm in therapy so don't worry kid, lol. I'm not bitter, just food for thought. 🤔
Love the video. But also. Good shirt haha
This is exactly what I've been going through for 4+ years
I recently realized that I fall into limerence with non-romantic relationships as well. I had a completely fantastical idea that I had a close relationship with my step children. I was obsessed by thoughts of these kids and all the wonderful things we would do and what I would teach them and how their lives would unfold. I planned and daydreamed about it constantly for years. It was never real. I spent very little time with my stepchildren. My marriage to their father ended after 15 years due to complications wrought by a period of romantic limerence that got so bad I could not hide it. I keep doing this to myself and I am falling into it again.
When I was in primary school I had a limerence for almost two years on a boy and at first it was awesome but later it started to get out of hand and everything started being so overwhelming and thinking about him was overwhelming but I couldn't stop, and later I started high school but during holidays it was very painful not seeing him at all, but later it got better and now it's half of a school year and I've already had a limerence on 3 boys! And now I still have it. And it's very tiring. Actually I still think often about the boy from primary school but much less and it's not that tempting now. I don't know if I will ever be able to break out of this cycle of seeking someone's validation and attention and thinking about these people, and thinking of what they think about me, because I actually do it very often. It's making my days very stressful at school because when I'm near my limerent object I get very nervous and my heart starts to beat faster. I don't know how to deal with all this. I don't even know why I can get in limerence so easily and why I keep doing it.
So i blocked this person everywhere and forced myself from stalking them online. We don't see each other anymore, since we are not coworkers anymore. Lately i was feeling low, and my limerence came back. On top of that i met them at a party, for a brief moment. We said hellos, although i thought i should ignore them if we met. This brief exchange sky rocketed it, i thought that i might not be able to deal with it. And here comes your video. Although short, it helped tremendously. Thank you so much, it stopped me from weeks of harmful behaviour. I'm so grateful as I'm surprised ❤
How are you doing now?
@@samia6888 I'm actually doing much better, thank you! I can't say I got through it entirely, but I'm getting there slowly. I'm in therapy, it helps. At least I get better at understanding myself and noticing times when I need to take care of myself. Unfortunately I got myself into another object of limerence, that's not the best part. But I learned not to act on the impulses, so it goes away easier. Also I'm working on the problems that cause it, and plan on trying healthy relationships, when I'm ready
@@dariazavatska2767 thank you for your response, it gives me hope. Being this way is just agonizing.
@@samia6888 thank you for asking! yeah, it really is agonizing. but as you see, it can get better, although it takes work. I wish you the best luck, hope you get better!
People don’t understand how painful limmerance is. I feel like an open wound walking around. I think it gets worse every time too. I’m thinking of leaving a brand new perfectly good job because of this FML
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK
Nice channel, content, keep up the good work Μάριε! Good luck with PhD!
Ps: Where you got that perfect English accent? 😅
Ευχαριστώ! English is my mother tongue, I learned Greek later. So I speak Greek with an English Cypriot accent.
hey Marios, I have been loving your videos about limerence. I have severe insecurity problems and I cannot really interact with the opposite sex. I think that^s why I developed limerence. nowadays I also realized that I compare myself to every single woman I see and think that they are better than me and they can get whoever I like, and that I can never find someone. I hate comparing myself to people all the time, I do this even to people that I do not know. can you make a video on this please? thank you in advance :)
Thankyou
What much therapist are not aware is when the target of the obsession or limerence is doing intermitent reinforcement
Hi Marios, Can you see clients from the US or are you only licensed in UK?
Hi Evan, I am training in the UK but have plenty of clients in the US that I see regularly.
Had full blown limerence for three years. I went insane. Waned and relapsed a few times in the last thirteen years even though I haven’t engaged with the LO since 2011. Relapsed again now but it’s nowhere near as strong, thank goodness.
Thank you, Marios! I'm just curious - have you ever been in limerance?
what do ya think of the explosion of tarot card readers by astrology in youtube....this seems to feed limerance big time
@susanralph274: you got that right! They are very ambitious in their readings,meaning they say it in such a way,that it could apply to any situation.They say " this person is very obsessive with you,but tries to hide it" ,or "this person ( meaning male or female ) is clingy towards you, but doesn't like to be,they are Avoidant with everybody else".I watched a video the other day ,and I slowly got hooked into the whole video,thinking "she's talking about my particular situation,maybe? ".It's very harmful.😮
Are limerence and anxious attachment style the same thing?
Hi
Many thanks
fantastic video
Do you have any contact, I want to spk to u abt my issue
Thanks
www.unfoldinglimerence.com
For me youtube videos really seem to do it. I look long enough into someones eyes on a video, and it feels like I'm eye gazing with them. And it's like a drug. Then the obsession takes over.
But, interestingly, I noticed that I have other paranoia's and fantasies which have something in common. Some of them include the paranoia that I'm always been spied on. Even without that, my mind will very easily conjure up an idea of spirits or some other thing, and so I basically never have a single moment in my entire life where I truly feel totally alone.
It really took off when I was homeless and completely isolated for a while. It was a very hard and strange time. And now it's like it's impossible to hold onto the idea that as I'm typing this right now, there is nobody else here. That's I'm totally alone. I always feel someone or something is with me.
I feel there is lurking a very deep despair of a ton of time and memories spent alone, and if I were to face the truth of my fantasies and magical thinking, it would suck an enormous amount of fabricated meaning that I've attached to all that time and those memories spent alone. It would feel like a great loss. The dropping of a giant bedtime story I've been telling myself to keep a boogyman away. That there is no profound meaning to my life experiences which were experienced in private and never shared.
Hi, I was trying to book a session with you via your website but it doesn't seem to be working - is it possible to via email? Many thanks
Please try again, if it doesn’t work, let me know what problem you’re facing.
Thank you, its working now!@@Marios_CG
How to come out of limerence when you have no family no friends ? Plus you re dealing with bipolar disorder ? I have few superficial connexions but no one to rely on. Plus i always have to pretend and act as if i have other people in my life.. So i tend to seek romantic connexion since men are the only ones avaible to get to know me. Proɓlem is i always become limerent about them after some level of intimacy (either physicly or just talking on a deeper level).. I am exhausted to feel rejected and to always be on my own
What if your husband is having a limerence affair & refuses therapy & won't stop talking to the LO/AP?
Your relationship and the rules within it are defined by you, so you need to decide what you want out of this situation. Going through limerence is not consentual, but seeking help is, so you need to decide whether it's suitable for you to continue going through this situation as is. Sounds like a delicate situation so I would recommend seeing a therapist before making any big decisions.
Im dating someone now and I just can't take things as they come. he is great at communication and always answer my text messages, everyday. we meet once a week. and still, as soon as he gets online and doesnt read my messages it freaks me out. I keep reading back all messages to find a pattern. I keep saying stuff like: sorry for being too pushy to him. I just can't get him out of my head and I feel so lonely in this feeling. I hope it will fade as we get to know each other better
Im exhausted im think im reaching the point of wanting to give up the obsession. Its been about three weeks, lack of sleep, not gettingvanything else done.
I completely understand this. Going through it myself right now and it's killing me 😢
Update: I'm 99% over it now. I rarely think of the guy and when I do, I just think yeah, he is handsome, buts it's not all consuming my thoughts day and night.
@@christinaherrenhow did you stop this? How did you get over him?
@@samia6888 I can't even remember now, but I don't think about him anymore. I guess time heals.
This is crazy. I feel bad for anyone suffering from this. . Personally I can't imagine this. Life is so fulfilling, and it's completely wild that a person could allow their self to get to that point. Keep your head up and do you self. Lol.
No one chooses to have this, no one allows themselves to get to that point, it just happens. Be grateful you don’t have this condition because it truly is debilitating.
Amazing approach and depth about a very human subject.
Could marijuana help with filling the void and recreating one's sense of self ?
Thank you for the compliment. I wouldn't personally comment on the use of narcotics in this way, definitely seek the supervision of a medical professional.
You can fill the void with other things than substances, I am sure that filling your life with more meaning is important when it comes to limerence.
@@Marios_CG Very true .
@@Marios_CG filling life with meaning and search for meaning is a lifelong everyday quest, regardless the limerence thing ..
@vasmar1061 absolutely, it’s also worth knowing the different between looking for and making meaning. You can create meaning yourself, but also other people and their ideas can contain meaning for you too
Yes this is true, I did go thorough a period feeling like I was not moving forward professionally, and I saw some of my few friends fade away, or I had to push them away. And I felt empty in certain ways. My LO came along and showed interest, and was also interesting to me no doubt about that. And so there went my long L episode that is still going on. But at least I can go to work and function well, and be creative in other areas. It's just a crush that won't go away yet. But it is in the background and I'm not feeling sick or icky, just a bit wanting.
Hi guys just a small tip for you, I am getting over my 30 year old limerance quite quickly with breathing meditation. Please try it and try staying in the body every time you day dream, it’s chasing away the limeramce so fast leaving me happier in the reality I was escaping all these years. Watch Eckharts videos about this meditation and awareness. I hope this helps at least one person ❤❤❤❤❤❤
I think I got limerance because this guy made me think he wants to get close to me. He was almways around me but would not talk. Then I started talking to him and he then avoided me. Then came around me so he messed up my mind like nobody did. Constantly checking me from afar then coming closer to run away if I was very close. I was conflicted and started obsessing that I will get to talk to him. Just so dangerous what he did. I was aware it is wrong but couldn't get rid of this obsession of what is next and if he will eventually talk to me. Horrible.
My lacking is that I lost my husband and attached myself to this guy who does not want a relationship but does want to go to various groups but he just wants to focus on these and not me
I feel I am experiencing limerence with a guy who does not want a proper relationship with me- I feel stuck and recognise I am experiencing this with this guy.
I am looking for a therapist to help me with this
Dr, is limerance a form of OCD?
Hi, just FYI I am not a Doctor yet :) I would say limerence is related to OCD, but there’s not enough research to say if it’s a form of OCD specifically. Some techniques from OCD management/therapy can be used for limerence.
My friend told me he was attracted to me sexually, then later said never mind. He’s straight. Really messed with my head and self esteem, cause he’s cute.
We went to a gay bar. He ended up hooking up with another guy. Even if just for fun, I dwelled on why not me 😂🤦🏻♂️
I cannot retrace my steps to a 'before', there isn't one
Limerence is the worst!!!! It’s like being borderline over one person.
That’s an interesting way of putting it! I’ve never thought of it that way.
Why do I get attracted so easily but after I have sexual encounters with this person I tend to lose interest with him. Is it related to Limerence?
Whats a protagonist
The main character in a story.
@@Marios_CG thank you
You're cute and look like you would be a perfect LO 🤭
Lol this completely does not help. The reason i think i was susceptible to limerance in the first place is because before it happened my life was in an extremely dry barren place anyway
Then that could be what led you to limerence. Looking back at the past doesn’t mean focusing on all that’s good about it, you were shaped by your negative/empty periods in your life too. You can factor that all in.
@@Marios_CG I wouldn’t exactly say “shaped”… but certainly influenced. Have you heard of Gabor Mate? He has an interesting theory on addiction (that i think is far more accurate than say the AA model). That addiction is basically a hyper response to a stimuli (drug or whatever)., based on a person’s brain chemistry state.
A simple example would be Kurt Cobain being in serious depression, so he takes heroin. He has a hyper response compared to others because of the very low serotonin baseline (possibly dopamine and some others). So he gets quickly hooked on heroin as the “come-down” drops him below his already low baseline…. so back to more heroin etc.
Limmerance seems similar to me, if you’re in a low dopamine/ serotonin state and you get some positive stimuli that’s very strong (a little bit of romantic interaction), its very easy to spin out and obsess on that stimuli. It seems like you would have to rebuild parts of your current life to have more positive stimuli than focus on the past which produced the dopamine deprived state that made you susceptible to Limmerance in the first place
My friend told me he was attracted to me sexually, then later said never mind. He’s straight. Really messed with my head and self esteem, cause he’s cute.
We went to a gay bar. He ended up hooking up with another guy. Even if just for fun, I dwelled on why not me 😂🤦🏻♂️