7 Signs That You're Being Manipulated And Groomed By A Narcissist
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- In the very early stages of narcissistic abuse you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.
You are being set up for an insidious and gradual infiltration of your being and life so it’s not easy to detect the manipulation that’s being played out.
Once a narcissist has stepped through the door that you opened for them … the grooming begins and you could be in for a terrible time.
All narcissists manipulate.
All narcissists groom their victims.
The signs are there right in front of your face but you fail to see them if you are unaware. I was clueless and paid the price.
In this Thriver TV episode I want to spell out the 7 most important signs you need to watch out for and act upon so you can save yourself from getting hooked into a toxic relationship.
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#BeingManipulatedAndGroomed #SignsThatYoureBeingManipulated #melanietoniaevans
I was involved with a spiritual leader who was a narcissistic womanizing predator. Very charming and used spirituality to ensnare probably hundreds of women. My gut was screaming the whole time I knew him yet it was some kind of addiction I felt that I had no clue as to why was happening. I've since done self soul searching and paid attention to my gut feeling and slowly backed away and cut all contact. He messaged me recently and said tears were running down his face seeing a comment I made on a mutual friends post. I felt absolutely nothing. Yay! He said he hoped we could keep the door open. I blocked him. I feel like I've grown.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Sadly it’s so common for “gurus” to do harm.
Good for you! True predator or parasite.
I discovered you in the summer of 2018. I was at the end of my rope, sat at home completely consumed by my mental health issues, beaten down by life.
I was playing my Xbox and "the key to healing from depression" randomly came on youtube. I couldn't be bothered changing it so I just listened. It's like so many things clicked in my mind. I'd never heard someone talking point blank about the shit I've always had going on inside.
It's like you were speaking directly to me alone.
That started off a daily habit where I would play my Xbox on mute and have your videos playing in the background instead of music. I live at home with a narc parent and I couldn't make them change, but I was changing. You taught me about "inner work" and what true self love and surrender looks like. Then I worked my ass off. Laid boundaries like a steamroller.
It sent me on a journey and the relationship literally transformed too. I responded differently, which ALTERED their behaviour towards me. I am no longer a pushover. They are no longer evil to me. I see them as a broken inner child who has nothing on the inside. Which made me forgive them.
Thank you so much. This is only a piece of what your work helped me achieve in my life in the past 3 years. I can't write it all here. But I just wanted to say thankyou.
I came home.
I am so happy to read about your healing. Forgiveness can feel like removing a concrete block that's been sitting on your chest. One of the most helpful things someone once said to me about forgiveness is, "You can forgive someone without excusing what they did to you." I think so many of us get held back from forgiveness because we equate it with saying "It's OK" about hurtful things people do. We can also have compassion for people without letting them off the hook about their behavior. As in "I recognize your damage, but you don't get to damage ME." You sound like you're on solid ground and that's inspiring to me. I am 67 years old and I am working hard on healing the cracks where my covert "nice guy" narcissist seeped in. For me, it took having a heart attack and heart surgery to fully wake up. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
In relationships always:
1. Take things slow and get to know the person ( you can spot the red flags 🚩 before you continue any further )
2. Maintain your sense of self by either taking time for yourself and your hobbies, spending time with friends and other family members
3. Work on your insecurities, our insecurities is for us to work and jot something the other person has to fill in (which can be loving us because we don’t know how to love ourselves, reassuring us constantly so it’s important we don’t depend on the outside to validate our internal)
4. When you enter into a codependent union you end up even more unhappier then when you were single (unless you’re a narcissist and you’re never happy with or without supply ) so always work on your fears and insecurities to become the best version of yourself
5. Love yourself and I mean truly when you learn how to take care of your inner world without a person or thing being present you have conquered this whole thing ( narcissists fear those who don’t need validation or love, they fear those who are not afraid to be alone and they fear those who are whole within themselves)
6. Have strong boundaries and don’t let people break them ( if you have told a person you don’t like something and they keep repeating those things then my friend you are staying by choice ) a narcissist doesn’t like you to have boundaries how dare you think you can have any boundaries in place
7. Stand up for yourself and be assertive (I can’t tell you how many narcissists have fled and never come back when they’ve tried to gaslight, talk down or even try to ‘dominate’ they just run away or give you the silent treatment for speaking up for yourself)
8. Wear clothes or styles that suit you & do things that make you happy not what the other person wants you to do ( I once showed the narcissist a different style that I was wearing and he told me “it’s not my sort of style” as if I’m wearing the clothes to please him and only him!)
9. Don’t validate a person too soon, either by being caring or loving or giving money anything that’s deemed as supply and always hold back ( a narcissist will get bored and run away from these people “why are they not validating me on cue, giving me attention or giving me money” )
10. See how a person reacts to you having a full life, friends, family, hobbies and career ( or do they expect you to let go off your hobbies, with me the narcissist convinced me to leave the gym and had caused a rift and I lost all my friends so he could take better control! They are really emotionally draining people and very very boring! If you feel the need to “cheer them up” like clockwork then my friend put your skates on and leave)
11. As long as you have a full life and don’t expect a relationship to meet all your needs you are good ( because ultimately a narcissist only wants control of you, your time, energy and finances and they will isolate you from everything and everyone that provides with support)
12. Work on your self confidence and self-esteem daily, it’s nice to merge with others but merging doesn’t mean attachment but instead love and loving a person for who they are and not what they can do for you ( narcissists need you to love them, give them money, they see you like a thief sees a bank and all they want to do is steal everything from that bank, thinking if they can take everything from you their glass will be full but it never will be! I thought I lost myself but when I realised I love myself unconditionally and I never lost myself because I am love we all are unless we’re too damaged to access that part of us)
Yes! Great outlines. Agree 100%
“You already know what it’s like to be narcissistically abused or you wouldn’t be watching my channel !” 😱😭😭😭 you are so spot on . Thank you for this video ~ 💚 I’ve written so many notes 📝from this vid . P.S you are gorgeous 🌹
Yes I left my 36 year marriage to a guy I met when I was 14. It was a very slow control, demeaning comments which when I was young I laughed at innocently. I thought we were so solid that it was just him being humorous like whistling at girls through the car window with me as a passenger. Singing to me "are you too fat, too fat, take Ford Pills" it was an ad on tv. Always complaining about work, he did not like one boss or any job and everyone else was an "idiot"
I was so involved in the bubble and being busy with kids, work and the house I thought we were a unit. I left disabled, left him with the house, car and he reneged on all support that we had mutually agreed to. The kids seem to have been pulled into his web (flying monkeys) and I'm the bad guy. I'ts a really horrible and hearty wrenching experience. At least I have rebuilt my life on the other side of the world.
A little over 9 years into an 11-year relationship, the stress and depression and repressed anger took its toll and I had a massive heart attack and then heart surgery, which resulted in nerve damage that restricts my ability to stand or walk for more than about 15 minutes. When I finally got approved for disability benefits, Mr. Wrong looked at my award letter and said excitedly, "Now we're styling!" We'd been splitting the bills more or less 50-50 but he'd just lost his job and was spending his time (and unemployment money) on get-rich-without-working online schemes ... all of which failed, of course.
Then when he was reassuring me that we'd be fine because he could always use his American Express card in a pinch (and he was selling his PLASMA twice a week at a clinic), I interrupted him and said, "If you think you can't be responsible for your part of the bills, then maybe we need to talk about other living arrangements." He clamped his mouth shut, looked scared for about 3 seconds and then just flashed hatred at me.
A few weeks later, on the first of the month, he announces tearfully that he "met someone," and would be moving out at the end of the month "if that's OK with you."
I think one of the most painful after effects of this relationship was realizing he never actually loved me, or he did in his own very messed up fashion but only in the most shallow way. He was out of my life in a flash.
Looking back at the very beginning of the relationship, I recalled a woman coming up to us in a restaurant and asking him if they were still on for some event. He looked uncomfortable and said, yes. And she said, twice, "So then it's a DATE, right? It's a DATE." I thought that was weird. I'd seen them walking around together, but he said they were friends from the place where he'd been staying, a kind of halfway house (big ole red flag that I ignored). And I realize in retrospect that he ended up with me and not her because I had a better apartment, a car (she didn't), a better income AND I was too old to have kids (I'm 17 years older than him). I was the better benefit package.
I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you were with that man for so long and that your kids got sucked in. Unfortunately, I think it's likely they also will gravitate to a narcissist. If you (and they) are lucky, though, maybe that will be what snaps them out of their father's control. I'm on the road to recovery now that my ex is living out in the Ozarks with his poor new victim and no longer sucking the life out of me.
One of the clues I missed early on but that eventually started to feel weird and even irritate me (but still confuse me) was that he often just echoed whatever emotion I told him I was feeling. For example, sometime in the first year, I said, "You know, I get up in the morning and say to myself, 'I can't believe I'm in a relationship!" and he said "Yes, I feel like that, too."
The reason being in a relationship with him felt unreal was because it happened so quickly. He walked into my life as I was ending another relationship. And as it turned out, he needed a place to live! "No one falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs someplace to live." He moved in with me within 3 months.
I also didn't pick up on the fact that right from the beginning, he let me go on and on about my life and my thoughts and feelings -- he was gathering data -- and then he'd say and do things that made me feel we had so much in common.
One of the more awful examples of him parroting me was maybe three or four years into what would be an 11-year relationship. I said, "It's funny, but it seems like the longer this relationship goes on, the more I see of what's wrong with me." And his response was, "Me, too." Well, isn't that a horrible conversation? -- it didn't go any deeper, he didn't ask me why I felt that way or express any concern that we both supposedly felt bad about ourselves as a result of being together!, which became another clue.
When I started looking for a therapist because I was so deeply depressed (about 9 years into the relationship) and talked to him about it, instead of asking me more about why I felt so depressed or asking how he could help, he said, "Well, I'm perfectly happy with MY little life." This hit me hard and I even called him on it. He looked confused and irritated. But it became clear that my presence wasn't actually part of his "little life," except maybe as a generic girlfriend, a generic object that anchored his "little life" and helped pay the bills, but otherwise didn't serve much purpose. In fact, he never called me by my first name even though I asked him to, repeatedly -- except when he was angry. He called me "my love," "sweetness" and even "my super love." He also told me all the time that I was "awesome."
When I tried to talk about his erectile dysfunction, he said, "I don't really mind if we don't have sex." To which I said, "Well, that's pretty awful. Sex is one of the ways two people show their love for each other."
It's taken me a lot of therapy to realize that having been raised by two narcissists (which I know only now) made me vulnerable to someone who promised to take care of me, who actually kind of smothered me, and who claimed every day to adore me. He seemed to be filling that hole where my parents' approval, nurturing, interest in who I am, and love should have been.
My ex is a covert altruistic (or social) narcissist, so it took a very long time -- coming from a place of codependency -- to unmask him. Videos like Melanie's have been both comforting and somewhat depressing, because it's just so mind-blowing to see how much alike these people are, how they act the same ways, along a kind of spectrum.
Unfortunately, it's so much easier to spot all the weird moments mostly in hindsight, including seeing where I cooperated in the delusion of being in a relationship.
But he's been almost 100 percent out of my life for a year and half (he glommed himself onto someone else as soon as I started standing up to him and assigning consequences to his unhealthy behaviors), and because I got stuck with my own company almost exclusively for the past year living in a pandemic, I've gradually been re-growing my SELF. And I'm so much better off in every way.
Ironically, the pandemic brought more money into my life and gave me more freedom than I've ever had to explore what interests me -- art, meditation, yoga, fashion design, cooking, gardening, reconnecting with old friends ... it's been amazing. And I cannot even say how grateful I am that he left 5 months BEFORE the pandemic hit.
I just wish I could get back some of those 11 years, I dearly wish that I'd woken up a lot sooner.
My ex narc exhibited his most terrifying rage several months before the pandemic hit. That drove me out. I thank God I was not trapped under the same roof with him during the past year. Given that his behavior toward me was deteriorating rapidly during the months before I left, who knows what he might have had in store for me. I think he wanted me to leave. Most all of the signs mentioned in this video were present during the early years of our relationship. I give him an A+ in love bombing. I’d never head of narcissistic abuse, but am very knowledgeable now. Unfortunately, many years were wasted with this imposter. Never again!
@@AdairCty My ex wasn't violent but I believe he is such a detached person inside that he was perfectly capable of killing me in my sleep. It's especially creepy that he started pressuring me to get life insurance right before I had a heart attack and then heart surgery. When he and my family came to see me in recovery right after surgery, I had all these tubes sticking out of me and my "other half" made a Star Trek joke. There are these part human, part machine mutants called The Borg and when they come to assimilate someone, they say, "Resistance is futile." That's what "my love" (these are the words he liked to use) thought as he looked at me with my newly cracked open chest and lovely 12 inch long scar, and breathing through a tube. He actually told me this himself and then added, amused, "Nobody laughed. I guess they didn't think it was funny." So yeah, you and I are freakin lucky we got rid of them when we did. BTW, I think it's incredible that a few minutes after my narcissist announced he'd "met someone" and was leaving (in a month!), he said, "You aren't going to stab me or anything are you?"
Mine wasn’t physically violent (other than slamming doors), but his verbal attacks...yelling...profanity... threats...exhibited so much contempt toward me, it was like he was a volcano about to lose control. I sensed I could be harmed during that final one. After that, all trust was gone. I wouldn’t even get in the car with him. It occurred to me that he might try to push me out! The word DANGER came to my mind as he was verbally berating me that last time. I feel that God put that word on my heart to propel me to get out. The narc also said /did some weird things in the months before I left. When speaking of our future...growing older... and I mentioned (jokingly, but half seriously) his lack of a good bedside manner when I was sick, he said...with a smile on his face!...that he hoped I’d die first! He tried to cover that admission by saying he could take care of me if I was sick before I passed if I “went” before he did! He also made sure he had life insurance on me via his job...even though I didn’t work outside the home at that time...no one was depending on my income. Maybe that wasn’t so odd...but added to all of his other negative behavior toward me...who knows? We live and learn...sometimes the hard way. 😐
@@AdairCty my ex narrsstic live me with me through whole pandmic then as it started getting closer nice days he act up in April started fussing with me left do I made sure I pack up his stuff he showing me he wanted leave so April 25 he said he send me something mail never came April 17 wen he gone my place so he block me then in block me went cold two weeks then this month he been calling me sending me article like nothing never happened I’m like wow he really want attention from me but told me our mare is over in April ??
@@sarahm3614 oh yes they are crazy
Don't sell yourself to the narc (devil) I'm so glad he discarded me.
This is exactly what has happened… you can’t Teach sanity to the insane
This video and her book, are saving my life. Only day 2….raw and crying every 5 minutes. Thank you lovely, knowledgeable lady❤
I looked this topic up because I was groomed by my recent ex boss that was illegally recording me in the bathroom and stalking me. After everything came to light I realized he groomed me the whole 6 years I worked for him. I commented on one of the videos talking about the Coleen ballenger (Miranda sings) video talking about grooming and shared some of my situation and was attacked because they said I was using the word disrespectfully and “throwing it around” which takes a way from children that see groomed. I tried explaining how grooming children is much worse even though in my situation it has almost ruined my life but didn’t want to type out the whole story. These people attacked me making me feel worse. I didn’t ask for what happened to me but after many attempts to explain not only children can be groomed my comment was deleted and it really hurt me so thank you for making this video! I had no idea I was being manipulated and or groomed but had a gut feeling something was wrong just had no proof. I hope this video helps save others from going through this because it is traumatizing and damaging in so many ways!
Melanie .. amazing job delivering the message .. from the love bombing this is my exact thoughts “ to good to be true “ … but my emotional thinking got in the way of my logically thinking and said “ you deserve this” should have listened to my gut . Also , the invalidation was absurd … I felt like it was a life sentence walking on glass not eggshells ! When the discard happened I never looked back .. after a couple weeks I felt so much lighter and actually heard myself laugh out loud
"...prophecized by a clairvoyant" - I was laughing so hard! I love your sense of humor, Mel! The last narc in my life said something along those lines.He was as fake as they come, but showed up after NARP, so I had no trouble dodging that bullet. Going no contact was easy and I never looked back.
Thankyou Melanie. I’ve felt so alone with the effects of the narc. You are a breath of fresh air.
This video really triggered me. Badly. Shows how true your words are Melanie. It hurts so much to know how much of this stuff I have put up with over the years. Time to work on my issues again I guess.
Let that conviction push u thru, u can do this! U ain’t come this far for God to let u go now!!!
Thank you Melanie!!! I was nodding ‘yes’ to all of these. The past couple months I’ve had someone exhibiting all of these. He got the door slam(an INFJ special talent😂). You’ve helped me so much ❤️🙏🏻
Yesssss!!!
This was an amazing post. Focus is off the narcissist and on our healing and setting up boundaries. That is how your channel has always felt.
When you speak, I believe what you say. You have an authenticity and realness that reflects you have lived through what you speak about.
This 🙏 is spot on Mel!
❣️
Everything you have said I use to give all of my time, resources and sacrifice myself on all levels, and also got stuck into the spiritual romanticism with no boundaries.
💌💌 Thankyou for all you do!
Thank you, Melanie! This is just what I needed today. I am doing your Thrive program and inching forward toward a healthier life! ♡
You got this CB! xoxox
I will never get pulled into this again ♡ I am paying very close attention to anything that arises that isn't peace, writing it down or taking a mental note of the feeling, and then taking it to a module later. My intention is to not act out on triggers into anger (at others or myself!) and take the 'me' in that moment, kindly and graciously to a meditation as soon as i can. Years of suppressing my intuition, believing that it was just an anxiety disorder? I now listen to every single little twinge and sit with it to see what it has to tell me. My new answer to everything is "let's see how we go" or "let me think about it"... translate to 'sitting with it to see how it feels in the deepest parts of my beingness'... is it aligned with my values? etc.
I love this work. Its life changing. Thanks Mel for helping to hand me back to myself ♡
I’m going to be keeping notes as well in the future. Had I done this during the first months of knowing the ex narc, perhaps those red flags that jump out at me now, in retrospect, would have been glaringly apparent then had they been on paper as a “collection” to be studied.
Oh for sure. Tbh, after the discard I was hit with an avalanche of realisations all accompanied by the red flags I had ignored... it started slow and then just a flood of "faaaaa....." 🤣 Sigh. I laugh now, but this nearly killed me. Big hugs to you and may you be well held in the reclaiming of your beautiful beingness ♡
Gold! I ruminated for a long time over a comment made that his broken promises were because I had changed. I thought long and hard about what I had done to make him break all the promises he made at the time with such convincing conviction.
He was right.
I did change.
In the beginning, I did whatever he wanted, gave up whatever he wanted so he was delighted with me and my complete lack of boundaries.
I did change.
I wised up to the antics.
I stopped doing what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted. Stopped reacting, stopped explaining, started setting boundaries.
Oh that went down like a hot cup of sick! I was then labelled a selfish, ungrateful person. Point being, I got myself into this experience but I ALSO got myself out. Albeit eventually 😂
Vehemently agree with Melanie about self love, self worth and having your own life!
So helpful for men and women.
I m so grateful for your help and videos. You are actually trying to help us when ever I feel insecure I watch a video of yours and realise what I have been through and it helps me to keep my impulsive needy reaction under control.
What I like most about you is that you don't try to advantage of our situation. You are not trying to sell anything to us. Thank you so much. I you are actually more helpful then the mental therapist I have been visiting for the last four weeks.
I wish I would of came across this video 4 months ago. Love bomb, future fake, pull away, devalue, discarded. I have never dealt with someone like this, it was an eye opener for sure
Oh I understand that we need to do our self work, and heal, and try to do all these things but the narcissist always seeks out people with low self esteem, people pleasers and especially those from a troubled up bring particularly women with daddy issues!!!
Sadly so true. It's too late for some to learn this
@@clairebearie87 Never too late. Loads of work and awareness, but I cannot agree w/ your statement!
Christine I mean too late as in have already been burnt
@@clairebearie87 well that's why I'm starting to think maybe some you tubers should go to schools and teach kids this in their pcse lessons like this is abuse if someone does these things to you, it would have to be explained age appropriately and tell a teacher immediately because you don't know at a school age what happens once they get home terrible things do happen so I think if you can target children at that kind of an age and provide counciling and make them feel safe to go to any teacher it could be a major game changer
I agree 100%
Wpuld love to get into schools to help teach kids and raise awareness of real world issues not just algebra that they'll barely ever use
Such a benefit to so many...so clear and concise! Little to zero time wasted, great content!
This was really uncomfortable to watch. Many of these things are also done by neurodivergent people like me. Only we don't have the same terrible agendas. We do these things, genuinely trying to bond in the only ways we know how. it may seem strange to neurotypicals but often times, we know no other way. We are so commonly mistaken for narcissists and denied the love that is our birthright too. My road has been agonising for this very reason. And i've also done significant work on codependency using NARP. The hardest part about this video is the deep shame it brought up in me for being this way, knowing that I can't ever change it. But knowing that others might deem me as 'trash that took itself out' is so painful. I try and try and get it wrong oftentimes. I only recently told someone that they were my soulmate and did most of the things you said in that section of the video. Why did I do this? Because I believed it. And as a graduate of NARP, i'm sitting here with the teacher of NARP ridiculing how someone like me operates. Not everyone has insidious agendas. Some of us just do not know the things you know and rather than ostracise us, please try to understand. I'm a human just like everyone else, just trying to build friendships and try my best. If we are all expressions of the one, then how are some of us trash and some of us not?
I find it amazing how you took her free, educational information as a personal attack on you as though she presented a video attacking you and only you. Maybe you should stop and take a look in the mirror and decide to become responsible for you and not blame others for your feelings.
This is totally illogical what you wrote and defies what you proclaim to be in process of.
@@lil--mo2025 Excuse me? i'm trying to draw attention to the parallels between narcissistic behaviour and neurodivergence. There is a correlation which I have lived and am living. I am a paid member of NARP and have taken full responsibility for my journey out of codependency with Melanie for the past 3 years. I am a consistent advocator of her work and am active in the NARP community. This is the only time where I am asking Melanie to 'please understand'. I don't see how that constitutes 'personal attack'. The things that you 'think' I should have and actually don't is possibly down to my Autism or my ADHD.... Which is precisely the point i'm trying to make. I don't know where you got the impression that i'm speaking about me and only me. I'm talking about neurodivergence in general and gave my personal experience of same. Please take your assumptions of me elsewhere, thanks.
Luna Star I understand what you are saying. As a previous idealistic codependent, too empty, hungry and needy myself I also used to do these things. Absolutely I too felt pain and shame as a result of people pulling away, not filling my emptiness and not providing me with the love and fullness that my trauma was preventing (blocking) that I had not as yet healed with Source within myself. Does this mean I was a narc? No! Did it mean that emptiness and "manipulation" repulses and repels people? Yes! It does! Can you heal this? Absolutely. You know the NARP drill, what hurts and is triggered, go to THAT and load up, release and replace with the Light. That is the work. What has just occurred now FOR you is the perfect passage lighting up in front of you to get to where you want to be - as I did and we all do - WHOLE and WHOLELY loved by others. xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thank you for seeing me in the space I was in and guiding me to healing. I really appreciate your reply. One thing I will say though is.... neurodivergents are really idealistic. We see things differently and have a different set of operating criteria. Unfortunately that's not something that can be changed but it's mistaken as narcissistic intent all the time. I wanted to make that point the most. For instance, I fully accept now that I am idealistic and it took a narcissistic relationship for me to see it. Idealists like me are great fodder for the narcs. So what I can control is healing the traumas around creating community around myself.... People that can help me to slow down when getting to know a romantic partner. People like us share too much too soon and idealise everything. Our brains hyperfocus. It's not malicious. I just wanted to highlight something not everyone might know. Thank you again for receiving me where I was. You're a blessing. x
Hei Luna, how have you been? Reading your comments and it makes me thinking cause I never knew this word neurodivergent thing before. But from your second comment about idealising too soon and open up to soon I can soo relate to that. Am to find out more about that after this. Ive been distancing myself from all of my friends except my family because I feel like I come to a position where I am opening to fast and idealising someone so fast and expect too much. I became so toxic, cries, lying, not focus, loose other friends for someone who is so full of love but felt OK to lie and control me somehow. I hurted people and then I feel so guilty of that but I never meant too. Keep my journals daily to see my progress and I do progressing though slow. Took me 1,5 years since discarding and devaluation to be who I am today which is not fully healed but so grateful for my life. I hope you are doing well and progress well and happier
Thank you for this. You covered everything in this one video that I have been trying to learn about.
This information is great. Thank You, Melanie.
I'm amazed at how much light is coming back, sadly I don't remember who I was before the abuse :-(
This is wonderful Mel! Love it sooooo much. xx
Thank you so much!! xoxox
This is what i just needed 💗💗🙏🙏🙏💚💚 i will nvr goes back into that place ever again with them!! Too TOXIC & DRAMA!!! i promise myself that 🙏🙏🙏 my goal to gain a healthier lifestyle!!!
Melanie, you are so very much appreciated.❤
This is fantasticalky helpful information. Validating. Thank you! ❤
He sent me a email sayings he had lots to make up for and my dead loved came to visit him and said Love her and he told the spirit "I do love her" what a crazy nut case
Your one lady who knows what she is talking about thankyou 😊
Thank you 😊Excellent have to keep refreshing over and over ❤️🙏
You are so good to explain. thanks
This video is the truth. Thank you.
I learn more about me and healthy love here than from therapy. Thanks so much.
Hello, you seem to be the only Narc Surgeon that offers recovery........ Keep it up. Dave, Lisa, and Les...... aren't close to you in the recovery stage...... Great work.... I'm commenting to them to get focused on the recovery message like you have. You're the top on recovery.......
This video was everythingggg
I am more aware now ...and dump them as soon as I am being abused but I wish I didn't attract them at all!
The analogy is simple: A whole Egg is fully intact with the yoke and the whites and is safely protected by a responsible and nurturing mother hen. An empty and useless egg has been broken open by a bird of prey when the mother hen abandoned the egg out of sheer negligence, its contents spilling out to feed that bird of prey until it is completely empty and useless. This is what we're up against.
As the old Phil Collins song says....... I Don't Care Anymore ..1982.
I'll borrow/paraphrase Rhett Butler "I don't give a damn about you, anymore, Dad!"
I will never be puled in this again.
Omg!!! I experienced all of this. But I left during the devalue phase. Now I have been punished in family court for the last none years. Its so screwed up that I am still experiencing these things and Im not together. Its sickening to be abused in plain sight in front of people who are supposed to help you. He still tries to consume my time and does because I obsess about the whats next. We were only together 9months.
I've always been scared of hurting people's feelings at the expense of my own
Thank you. Very helpful
Great video
8:24 excellent point...I’ve cut them off. But do believe narcissistic are deeply broken inside.
Narcissists want us to feel something for them even if it is hate.
for sure
Seeing someone new now and I'm always surprised when I set a boundary and he is still there, seems to have heard me the first time and doesn't 'forget', doesn't take it personally and makes sure to respect it. I'm always like.. oh ya, I almost exclusively only know how to relate to narcissists..! I am just like subconsciously preparing myself to repeat and clarify and fight for that boundary and rationalize.. like muscle memory. And then I'm like.. wow, I don't have to do that anymore! I think the power of walking away over and over and over again and processing those old emotions has definitely changed what is coming into my life and how powerfully my boundaries are coming across, without me needing to get angry, resentful or put up emotional walls. It was a strain just to imagine that to me in the recent past..! I know the work of healing and facing and feeling all the pain is hard and it takes sooo much patience with yourself. But it really really is so worth it. Its such a relief to overcome these patterns!
That's really encouraging to hear that you've moved on from an unhealthy relationship and are able to now have a healthy relationship and to know the difference ; )
For all of the money, emotional support and generosity I have given to narc men in my lifetime... I'd take those fancy gifts and fade away. I never had a man spoil me. If he ends up not being a narcissist, well, awesome!
Thx...was just starting to feel uncomfy ... I stopped this person @ #3!.. Done. Thank u.
Thank you.
Yes, yes, yes
Yeah that’s all good but what about the cat?
Thank you
This sounds just like me I have allot to learn I don't want to let the fox into the hen house, Thank you Melanie,,,
There's a term for excessive sentiments of love! "Love bombing" is sneaky business and can easily manipulate people into abusive situations.
This guy had been grooming me. Trying to get me into a relationship. I kept saying no because I like being single but he wouldn't give up. Turns out I find out almost a year into our friendship that hes a legit S.O.!!!!😮
If i had been in my 20s or 30s, I wouldve moved him in within the first month. Smh. Dodged a bullet 🚅
I’m nodding my head in agreement. After 13 years I am way over the cycle of insanity, isolation, berating and leaving me a shell of myself, turning me away from friends and his family. Do they even know they are doing this? Seems incredible someone would knowingly behave this way. It’s a toxic disease state for the narcissist and their victim alike. I really feel sorry for him and his past. I am learning to be true to myself and love myself. Your wisdom and videos are helping me to go Grey rock now and plan the dissolution of the marriage.”Be Strong and courageous...for the Lord goes before you.”No one will ever steal my peace again! Thanks so much and God bless.
My ExN did NOT try to isolate me. I felt like when he would encourage me to visit friends out of state, etc, gave him opportunities be single while I was gone.
I watched a covert develop from childhood. I was walking with two girls, we saw him thrashing and rolling around on the ground. The girls said he had some sort of obsessive compulsive personality disorder. He's extremely manipulative and destructive now. 🙂
Hello Melanie, good morning,and or good night to you down under,from up north minnesota.Listening to your podcasts again.Gaining more insight and knowledge,very helpful info.I can't hardly tell you how helpful all your podcasts have helped me.They really do.Finnally understanding.I will continue listening.Hey Melanie till next time,take care,lots of love ,and keep up the good work.
Thanks for listening KS! xoxo
everybody as the cool teacher. She dmed everyone on social but never gave out her number. She made comments to me like “you remind me of my husband” and she would always let me eat lunch in her room even tho it’s against the rules. On the last day of school she asked for my number and was like let me have your phone to put my number in. And then she was like “how far away do you live”
I got divorced after a 25 Year marriage to a covert narc,on the rebound met another narc he swept me off my feet thought I finally met my soulmate but he was Toxic controlling and hateful towards me he kept the mask on for 3years then it came off I texted him and finished it he tried to hoover but I never took the bait I'm glad I left he was Toxic🙉🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
wwow scary all 7 aligned
I felt guilty when I dumped mine and yes she had someone else lined up. Got to ask do they ever let go of a person?
HELLO BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, IT IS ANGELA FROM COLORADO , IT HAS BEEN A WHILE, THIS IS ONE OF THE VERY BEST VIDEOS EVER, ON NARCISSISM. BTW, DATING (MATCH) , AS I AM, OFTEN THEY DO TRY TO COME TO ME BECAUSE I AM JUICY. PRETTY, EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE, CARING, KIND BUT I CAN UNCOVER THEM SO FAST , IT IS INCREDIBLE TO WATCH.
I REALLY KNOW HOW TO STAND Y GROUND & I GIVE THE ENOUGH ROPE TO HANG THEMSELVES & THEY DO.
I WALK AWAY FEELING SO STRONG, WHOLE AND SELF LOVED!
I HAVE NOTICED , NOT ALL ARE ACTUAL NARCS, MANY ARE JUST SELFISH JERKS, VERY WOUNDED MEN, LOOKING FOR MOMMY TO FIX THEM BUT OF COURSE THEY HATE MOMMY, SO. HAHAH GO FIGURE. ONE MORE THING, I DO THINK, AFTER THE PERSON IS TRIED & TRULY, KNOWN BY YOU.
IT IS FINE FOR A WOMAN TO ALLOW A AN TO TAKE CARE OF HER BUT I THINK HE MUST SHOW IT TRUST WORTHY BUT SETTING HER UP, SO IF IT COMES TO AN END OR WHATEVER. SHE GETS TO WALK, TAKEN CARE OF FOR A WHILE, AS WELL. BEING ABLE TO HAVE TIME TO HEAL AND MAKE A NEW START. OF COURSE ONLY A MAN WHO IS ABLE TO DO THIS, CAN OR WOULD, AND THEY ARE RARE MEN.
I DO THINK, ONCE WE EVOLVE FURTHER BEYOND NARC ATTACKS AND FALLING FOR THEM. WHEN WOMAN FIND SUCH REAL LOVE IN A AN I THINK MEN WHO CAN TAKE OF YOU, WANT TO AND THERE IS MUCH THERE , TOO SEE, FEEL UNDERSTAND AND BASK IN BUT I DO THINK THIS, IS HIGH LEVEL LOVE AND SOMETHING NOT ANY SEE, UNDERSTAND OR COULD EVER DO.
JUST SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU , I KNOW THIS IS TRUE BUT IT IS HIGH LEVEL BECAUSE NOT ANY EN CAN LOVE WITH SUCH MASCULINE STRENGTH & SECURITY.
THIS IS OF ANOTHER WHOLE NEW LEVEL.
I ADORE YOU, THANKS FOR SUCH A CLEAR, POWERFUL AND COMPREHENSIVE VIDEO. ONE OF THE BEST EVER ANYWHERE, OF COURSE, IT COMES FROM YOU. STAY BEAUTIFUL . MUCH LOVE ANGELA XOXOXOXO
What is a good module to deal with the toxic narcissistic strangers who insist on eavesdropping on me and repeating things I’ve said that are intimate, personal and none of their business. They are not invited to these conversations but they use conversations whether at work or in my personal life to cause dissension between myself and others to create more separation between myself and the people of my community. Thank God, the men of my community don’t do things that are so....🤢🤮💩To completely release the horror of this incredibly abusive and violent invasion of privacy, I’m focusing on Module #2. Is there any other module I should focus on to break the psychic chords, soul ties and trauma bonds with these disgusting 🤮 “human beings”? I’m m focusing on healing and releasing all of the trauma that would make me a match for illegality such as stalking, harassment and a violation of privacy. They do it daily. I will continue to turn inwardly to daily since they do their activities daily especially the eavesdropping, hacking and violation of human rights.
Wish you’d set up a Empath dating site you’d be great at it ♥️
I made my partner my everything..
I realise I have co dependancy issues..
Or Does this make me a narcissist?????
He told me he loved me after 2 weeks..
Isn’t that really early ????
I’ve become really needy 😞
Im wondering if I am emotionally immature 😞
I carry a lot of self hatred and have body dysmorphia 😞
I think I tried to control the outcome so he wouldn’t leave because I love him so much 😞
I have never loved like I loved him …
I definitely need therapy xxx
My cousin wanted to dim my light
Hi Melanie ... My nacissist cheated and lied for 10 year😢 .. he poured wrong petrol in my car ..it broke down because he didn't want to get ... found him cheating on his phone ... Found out he had a second phone under his car seat found condoms in the garage that he said they were for fishing 10 years ago .. ..but the product was only 2 years b4 the due date he spoke my money ... Had sex with others .that .I found out ...yet still he denied it all ...such a lier ...was with him for 10 years ... totally destroyed my life ....he had nothing ... Went to court ... He was trying to get everything I worked for since I was 16 ... My mother gave me inheritance ... I had furniture b4 him ...I paid for an expensive dog ... And he went to the lawyers to claim the lot ...not at least being fair with half.... It has been really hard for me to recover ... But I did win in the end .. better than I thought ...still had to give him $100,000 ....yet he had nothing ....just to Geet him out of my life ... Yes these predictors are toxic . And low life scum .... I believe in Varma ....yes they will get there just desserts ...I am a survivor ....
... healing??.. still stuck.. not sure what to do.. seems very tricky
Leonard are you working with NARP www.melanietoniavenas.com/narp ? If you are, I highly suggest coming into the NARP Member's Forum www.melanietoniaevans.com/member for extra support and guidance. xoxo
Hell No not no more 🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅
I hate to say this but you do make people your world, Mom's told me about this before, with friends - because I never had any. I don't know how but I went through first school having one friend and that was fine, it came to a head in middle school when all her time was being monopolised by this one girl who had a very catty nature, she decided she didn't like me but would take my friend that's what I got from her, that there wasn't room for the three of us and I got really jealous and did something because I felt she was a not very nice person and she deserved it because I would never treat a decent person that way and of course she told her dad, he came in the school and ashamed at my behaviour when I wascat school I found her and appologied because deep down in my own heart I didn't want to hurt her but they both blanked me, both of them I actually remember them saying when I was trying to do the decent but hardest thing at the time and all I heard was "did you hear anything?" and "must be the wind talking." After that I never bothered with any of them again it was a huge betrayal from my friend and a nasty blackhaired girl. I was a child and I found two other friends eventually, but I was very lonely and when you walk the path of loniness and all you want is a friend, you do want someone and I used to do things to hurt myself like if you pick at your skin over and over it leaves almost like a burn mark, my first friend I had, I came into school one-day and I asked her how she hurt herself and she told me. Of course I copied her, she only did a small mark, of course I did it with the hairbrush! My God! That was a major thing all down my arm. So sometimes when I suffered and I did I suffered from loniness, I did it two more times. If you've never suffered this way you'll invite toxic friends on in because you want more than anything a friend. It's not going to be a good friend but you do.
To help people like this you have to educate children from a small age because children come from lots of different backgrounds and different things happen to them in their home life. Bullies aren't always made from abusive backgrounds it's all about showing off and getting a reputation as hard at school but some are, I think schools should do more at that kind of age and provide councillors because once they've reached adult hood the psychology of what's happened has been done, I'd seriously consider some you tubers with videos such as yourself to go to schools, instead of just shelters and other places like that, and teaching them to speak up, if any of the following is happening please talk to a teacher and from a place of passion and care and then, age appropriate talks
Has anyone heard of anyone having a successful Gofundme for a divorce attorney? I'm going through this right now, where I was in an abusive relationship and left, but the attorney is taking every last dime I have and my husband has purposely strung out the divorce for a year now. There's nothing to fight over, no kids, I have no assets. He put everything in my name, yet hides everything he has in Bitcoin, so it looks like I was the earner, when I was a homemaker.
The issue is I can be ordered to pay alimony or to pay for his lawyer, but I can't afford mine, who (after paying 6k for almost nothing, said I'd be paying another 4k. No other attorney would take me on, since I have one already. Because I tried to find one that wouldn't rob me.)
If anyone knows of a fund, organization, or a way to have a fundraiser, I'm up for ideas.
My cousin helped the narcissist
If a narcissist admits wrong doing and starts healing with your program do you think they can heal?
I feel like my parents did - over many many years and many boundaries set and re-set. Saw them experience real regrets. Definitely had a second phase of our relationship as well.. But to a point. Then again, they are looking for that supply elsewhere, someone to 'be bad' with, and it will re-awaken their same habits/mind distortions/demons/excuses/self-harming/codependency/control etc..The problem is they always choose the bad over the good if they really have to choose.
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Nice mean your fault nice nice mean your fault nice nice mean your fault
Bree Chavez of Moscow.