haunt me - teen suicide / first part only / 1 hour
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- čas přidán 20. 07. 2021
- I do NOT own any of the visuals or the sound I just put them together and made it into an hour :)
Also my comment section is a safe place .. I’m here if you need to talk, thank you for the love on my videos 🤍
hope ur okay :)
instagram: @ohpintos
twitter: @ohpintos
discord: @ohpintos#5410 - Hudba
This just makes me think of someone finally accepting their grief and moving on from the pain despite it holding them back for so long.
But hope you'll get better soon :/
not gonna happen yet
grief is a very difficult thing to move on from.
i listened to the full version of the song when i found out he didnt care anymore
its been a good 9 months now, yet even though he gaslighted tf out of me the other day i still miss him
the misconception of happiness ig lol anyway this is really good!!
I cannot describe how much I needed this, it makes me cry every time I listen to it! Thank you, I feel more relieved after sitting down and crying!
i’m so glad i could help, i love you.
nearly 17 and I don't know what else makes me happy other than the music I make and release. I haven't felt genuinely happy in ages, and I want to go back to the years of 2006-2018, because those were the greatest times of my life.
I was born on November 17th, 2004, at 25 weeks, weighing 1 pound, 14 ounces, and could've died a stillborn, because of me being male and my premature birth. On March 21st, 2005, I had the first major operation in my life, the tracheostomy operation. Basically, it's a tube that goes in your throat to help you breathe. On May 3rd, 2005, I was sent home semi-permanently for the first time. I also fought MRSA, which was given to me by a nurse who washed her hands inadequately. The infection got into my skin and blood, and could've killed me also.
In 2008, I had numerous operations attempting to separate my vocal chords, because they were literally stuck together. After all that, I could finally talk verbally, without using British Sign Language (BSL). I was also diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, Social Anxiety and a sleep disorder at age 4.
In 2010, I had the second major operation in my life: A partial tracheal resection, where they cut a bit of my rib cartilage and used it to replace some of my damaged windpipe, caused by the nurses constantly putting me on and off ventilation and CPAP, back in '05. (When they did that, it caused me to go into respiratory arrest 12 times).
In August 2014, after 9 years, I finally had the tracheostomy out for the first time in my life, completing what was, up to that point, my whole life's purpose.
In December 2015, I was due to have another camera down my throat, to check my airways. When I took both the premeds, (medicine you take before the anaesthetic) and the anaesthetic itself, it caused a severe reaction and made me experience my most recent respiratory arrest to date.
In 2018, I had what I can only describe as the best year of life. I achieved the personal progress award at the special needs school I go to, achieved GCSE mathematics and ran 800m, (I have bad asthma). I started my music career in mid-late 2018 as well; on my Xbox One.
2019 was the complete opposite of the previous year, a horrendous first relationship, fell into bad depression and bottled everything internally. I also became a public music artist in December 2019.
In June 2020, I began to feel apathy, because I have done nothing with my life other than make the same exact genre of music for over 2 months.
In April 2021, I became very hateful on the internet because I realised I was no longer innocent and protected with the blissful ignorance that childhood provided. In July, I realised that my apathy stems from not doing anything with my life, and just stagnating, because I didn't know what I should make my new life's purpose.
In September, I started college and started planning the future of my music career. I also started to reminisce more and become sad because of the pain nostalgia brings.
In October I became more depressed at the fact that I'm getting older.
Now it isn't that much different, I just want genuine happiness again like the good old days.
I also want to be loved, but no one cares about love. Do they?
My point is that I don't know what real happiness is anymore and I really want to experience it again. If I have to relive my entire life up to now, I'd do that for eternity.
No one will read this, but I need this to be put out there, I guess.
I just want to feel happy and loved...
I also want to stop comparing my past self to me nowadays, but I can't...
Everything in my life loops back to the past in some way or another. My birthdays are the ONLY time it is done in a positive light. But 90% of the time I do it in a negative light, because I know I used to be better and can do better, but refuse to even try...
- Toby Nathaniel Yerlett-Jessop, November 3rd, 2021, 20:35 UK time
hi toby,
i’m so proud of you. i mean it too. you’ve come through so much and you got this. my dms are always open if you wanna talk to someone and not in a comment section? @zzaouz is my instagram @. i’m so glad you’re doing things you love and that keep you happy and keep doing them! it will get better i promise, you gotta just get through the bad ones to get to the good ones. :)
p.s i’m british too! hiii!
You are one of a guy!
@@randombanana592 cheers dude! I’m now 17 and have since changed my mindset and mental state to be the opposite of what this comment provides!
@@generic_M_C_R_B_A_A_Y_A_W_ADHD I’m 17 too! I lost my mother 2 years ago and up to this day it hurts me so bad when i think about it. You inspired me dude, I will do my best to be like you.
@@randombanana592 that’s good to hear that you’re still going, my dude! Life eventually gets better, despite how generic that sounds!
haha nice thanks for this. i was supposed to go swimming today. ended up listening to this because, (while another family member was here), my parents started screaming at each other. idk what about yet, but it happened. so i’m now just laying down trying not to cry while listening to this.
UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for the support, they actually got over it a while ago and i came across this song on my playlist and it reminded me of this thread, so i want to thank everyone who were so nice to a complete stranger online. thank you.
i’m so sorry :( i post this sort of stuff to help cope and take your mind to a different place from all the troubles and worries you may have.. i’m glad you’re using this as your safe place .. it will all get better 🤍
@@tropsuki thank you :)
im so sorry luv . ur so amazing and strong . and im proud of u
@@hiating1573
it's okay to cry sometimes, we hold on many emotions everyday and we have to let them go some way or another, it doesn't make you weak or a crybaby, it mostly shows how strong you are, ily and be safe :)
This song makes me feel numb, yet I can’t stop listening to it
That some dislike is from someone who wasn’t wearing their glasses because this hit them in the feels too harf
This song is the only song that I’ll come back to because of how much I love it, despite it feeling like my heart is being sucked into a void, and being dug into. A sadness that penetrates me so deep that I feel pain as I type this. But the pain isn’t physical, my body is fine. It cuts deeper than even that. Even so I’ll listen to it. Yes my heart may hurt, but I always imagine that one day, one faithful day, this song will no longer make me feel that way. I will win and I’ll feel peace as I listen. Will that day come anytime soon? Not sure, I guess I’ll have to find out for myself. Thank you for making a one hour loop of the first part. Don’t get me wrong I love the full song and especially the last part. But nothing hits different more than the first part.
this song reminds me of looking back at childhood memories that i never had.
Reject self confidence.
Accept self hate. ✨️
noooooo, be kind to yourself pretty
Me 24/7
The things one I like about this music is peaceful and calming but the same time dealing with anxiety dealing with every stuff you’re feeling in life I know it sucks so badly that do used to turn out to a kid and now you’re a full teenager grown-up facing reality this music helps me calm but at the same time and I always think my memories when I was used to be a kid I think now I did for fun but now everyone has to face their own reality🙃
i love music its so comforting music in which no one says anything is the best it helps me with coping if i do something without music voice flow all over my head and i end up crying music fills that empty gap and tbh this is the reason why im staying
Yay! I've listened to this for 1h perfectly. Thank you sm this version is much better!
Have a great day EVEN WEEK OR LIFE🙆♂️
Ah yes, this was what I search all the time. Thank you!
I'm leaving this account behind, after many years of my life i've spent in pain I think it's finally time I get rid of it, when I was younger everything was so wholesome, but then I started school and everything went downhill, friend passed away in middle school, it left me shaken, nobody ever understood these feelings because their experiences were "worse". I never got comfort, I never was told it was going to be okay, my entire life i've been telling myself that. Instead of everyone else being there for me. I was in a huge group before she died. Everyone always had someone there, it's like everything changed, years later I have no friends, no life, I'm going to die before I can even do it myself. No one cared, I've seen dead people since I was twelve, no one cared. At least their friends care about them, they had to suffer too. Through what? Some friendship drama sure, I was there as their therapist. No one helped me, nobody saved me in time. I'll tell this to the internet since i'm disgusted by my friends. No one cares, no one is there at all. Goodbye, forever. I'm finally stopping it I can't get over anything anymore and I'm just going to end it before the world does first. I'm sorry, have fun with your childhood.
- e
i know I'm a little late now, i hope your still alive, I'm here for you, if you have discord, messenger, Snapchat or anything let me know and we can work this out..
@@Alex-wr8sk I truly hope they're still alive and doing better.
@@Alex-wr8sk hi
@@souza3974 hello
bro this made me cry
I wanna die. I deserved better in my childhood. They didn't want me. I hear voices all the time.
Idk why there aren’t more likes on this video. It’s amazing?
!!!
Will these thoughts ever dissipate ? Will there come a time when I myself will dissolve into nothingness ? When will I no longer feel the emptiness she left behind…when… I know that eventually the grey clouds outside my window will inevitably give way to bright blue skies, but for now I can’t help but feel consumed by them. The confusion in me takes over and I can only ponder all that once was and all that will ever be. The present becomes a blur and I’m left balled up within the labyrinth in my mind. I miss being around those that I could be me around…I miss being able to express myself openly without the barriers and filters handed down by my contemporaries. I miss the person I once fell in love with. To her I may be a distant memory, but to me she lingers ever so close. The only place we see each other now is in our dreams…dreams that engulf what had been our imperfect love story. How can one person feel so deeply ? Why does my subconscious insist on dragging me back down into the eternal void ? Perhaps I’ve never been quite good enough, not even for myself… I know that these thoughts will pass as will the unanswered questions. The suns shine will permeate the looming clouds that have hovered within and without. I will be able to continue exploring and adventuring the outside world to better understand the true nature of myself. Yet I can’t help but feel that one day, way out there in the meadows, we may cross paths once more. Maybe we’ll be ready to offer one another a smile and have the conversation that’s been eating at me in these visions. Or maybe I’ll find myself dancing alone in the grace of the infinite winds of change. No matter what happens…I know there’ll always be some part of me looking onward and knowing that the love I felt for you will never completely diminish. Just as the ball of light that resides within me will never completely falter. If any of you took the time to read, thanks for hearing me out. I’ve lost a lot in this life, but I know as long as I keep moving forward that I’ll have just as much opportunity to gain. The same can apply to you my travelers. Much love, peace, and positivity to any and all of you who care enough to help those in need. So many of us are suffering inside… but it’s through love and kindness we can heal one another. It’s infectious really. We can all rise and be more than we ever thought we’d be capable of. I believe in you the same way I believe in myself. Next time you see someone who you may feel is hurting, offer a hand or even something as simple as a gentle smile 🥲💙
gawd dayum there's just something about this that's so catchy
So calming 🙂
totally underrated
Everyone i loved rejected me because of who i am. I dont know how much longer i can do this.
they don’t deserve you baby :(
Lying down on bed listening to this in a cold afternoon thinking about life
THIS IS SO MELANCHOLIC
I listen to this on repeated while I’m secretly depressed and engaging in unhealthy behaviors. Will life get better? Maybe, maybe not.
stranger here to say it always gets better!!! i don’t know you, but you will get everything you deserve i promise!! you reached the bottom, only way is up now
notice how this video doesn't have a single dislike?
Yaaaaas a new one
i love your videos just so much
stopppp i love you
@@tropsuki
you can sing your own song with tune :0
ilysm thank you
ily sweetheart
@@tropsuki you are now one of my favorite people online ty :D
this song shows exactly how i feel when i look in her eyes
Why are emotions so complicated?
Even I have a hard time explaining how I feel…
Shes trying to help me but I feel like I’m waisting her time
She has so many other important things to do but she still spends time trying to help me
She says I deserve to be happy
She says that I didn’t deserve any of the bad stuff that happened to me during childhood
But Why??….
Why do you care?
Why bother trying to help me?
You have so many other important stuff to do..
I don’t feel good enough for you
I feel like a burden…
I feel like I waist your time…
Sorry kinda Needed to get this out-
you deserve all the love you are getting, accept it and embrace it or you’ll regret it. you are loved because you are you. be proud of yourself.
i hate being a child
why cant i just grow up already so dont have to like about my age to make friends
please be careful when doing this, im sure you’re smart though and you know better
if you see this ily, and feel free to vent under my comment and i will try to help, from, a stranger online who loves you
why havent i died five years ago
i wish i was dead
please don’t, all the pain is temporary!! don’t leave before the good part, please be patient. i know it’s hard, but i swear it will not stay like this :(
I wanna die
please don’t :(
@@tropsuki I really want to, Im sick of this world
@@tropsuki i wanna vanish but I don't wanna die
@@tropsuki I wanna be free with all my problems
@@tropsuki i want freedom