C-PTSD/PTSD: WHAT EXPERIENCES ARE CONSIDERED COMPLEX TRAUMA/PTSD?
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- čas přidán 20. 08. 2020
- SERIES 1: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA/COMPLEX TRAUMA/ADULT TRAUMA AND RELATIONSHIPS
😳Could these experiences be considered traumatic in childhood?❤️
Childhood Sex Play
Having a parent who was severely depressed or angry all of the time
Parents who partied a lot
Being called harsh names by a parent
Siblings who were too aggressive
Parents who fought a lot
Having sex too soon
Being left alone a lot as a child
More....
____________________________________________________________________
WHAT ABOUT TRAUMA IN OUR ADULT LIVES?😒
Do you really understand what can be traumatic in our adult lives?
Do you think you understand what others are going through?
What should you say or not say about the following?
Divorce
Parenting "Difficult" Children
Single Parenting
Infertility
More....
I find that many people are 🙏🏻walking around wounded🙏🏻 from their childhood experiences, and often don't realize that things that happened to them in childhood, even while seemingly "normal or part of life," are actually not normal in how they have responded emotionally, mentally or physically.
In actuality, these experiences were traumatizing, and we are still holding onto the impacts in our adult lives.😥😰😡🥺
What about Adulthood? 💕💕💕💕💕
Can we experience adult trauma in parenting? In our divorces, etc?
There is often massive shame in our adult traumas because we often feel we've failed at our marriages, that we are failing as parents, that our struggles to have a family will leave us even more broken and alone because often others in our lives.....just don't get it.
💕💕💕💕This video is about the impact of many childhood and adulthood experiences which can be traumatic for us, and what others may not get about how it impacts us and why we deserve and need love, healing, empathy and helpful support.💕💕💕💕💕
wwwdrkimsage.com
TRAUMA BOOKS/RESOURCES:❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
The Body Keeps the Score
The Polyvagal Theory
Beginning to Heal (sexual abuse as children)
Trauma and Recovery
Ive been sexually abused/raped by a friend of mine when I was 7. She, yes it was a female friend, messed up my whole life and head. I really wished I could get or ask help back then but I was in shock. Thank you for naming this child sex play, I felt a big fear of not being believed. So many questions were in my head. I've lost my connection to the world and was an angry sad child, though I acted happy to not be seen how I really felt. I felt devastated, destroyed, lonely. Though it's just "child play" the feelings of things getting forced to you, the secret thing, it destroys the trust in yourself and in human kind. Never never underestimate "child play" It ruined my childhood. Fear never left my side from that day.
I’m sorry you had to experience that Merrit . So it’s classified as
“ child play” until it has crossed the line of what could be considered “ child prey”!
Just know it wasn’t your fault what your ex friend forced onto you. Ive learned as have many to forgive those who have done harm onto us and or our loved ones . It’s not meant to help them but to help us with the healing process .
I’m by no means a clinical psychologist nor expert in this area but I have suffered several decades of “ narcissistic abuse and trauma” from those who I thought were my friends or business acquaintances or partners .
There’s plenty of help online
Dr Kim Sage has an enormous amount of helpful videos as do other CZcams channel host
God knows our pain and our needs and not to push my Christian faith onto you ; there are many prayer lines with very caring compassionate and loving prayer warriors who will listen to you and pray with you
I’m not sure how old you are if you’re a working adult with insurance benefits or on medical etc; there are plenty of clinicians that can help you navigate through your understanding and grieving process that will help you have a much deserved better quality of life !!
You can do this Merrit….
You’ve got this because Gods got you !!
I will keep you in my prayers
God bless you always
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️✝️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I’m so sorry you have had to suffer with this your whole life. I’m praying for your healing. I know this was a old comment but I pray you’ve been seeking healing ❤
I feel you. It happend to me also at 5 , also my girlfriend.
Even if I know it was not my fault I cannot get out of freeze response. In my case, traumas happend way before, this was on of them, so I was already in freeze.
💕💕💕💕Hello all! This video is about the range of experiences we can have: from sex play to infertility, from parents who drink too much too often to what it's really like being a single parent or what it's like to have a "spicy" child.....and what you should probably think about before you say certain things....especially if you haven't experienced these things in your own life.
Mostly, this video is about validating the range of wounds we can experience and what we OFTEN DON'T TALK ABOUT. ❤️❤️
BUT YOU, YOUR WOUNDS AND YOUR STORIES TRULY MATTER.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Please feel free to share anything you think might help others or anything else you think is important to share!💕💕
You're awesome and your videos are on point 👍🏻
Your message is full of empathy. Thank you for this. I'd like to say what a victim hears when one who is not wounded and well says to them, after you've had the courage to become vulnerable by telling your story: "Wow, that sounds very difficult, have you ever considered therapy?". It's equivalent to : "Wow, the population is hungry, the have no more bread. Well, let them have cake", Therapy is not cheap, not accessible for many. OF COURSE one would "consider" therapy if it were something in their realm. The high price of therapy is punitive. Suggesting it in response to a confidence contributes to shaming the person who made themselves vulnerable to you.
Shortly after my infant sister died my mother told me it should have been me. I thought she was just in pain and sad and lashing out. I was only 12 but understood that people say shitty things when they are hurting. The second, third and fourth times I realized that this woman truly despises me. I lived with that. For years. Always trying to be better, and always failing. I never thought of it as abuse. This video defines my whole life. As shitty as things got, I never felt the right to complain. I was never hit. I was never molested. Sure some shitty things happened but that's life right? Everyone has a sob story, and some are horrible and I feel for people who share their stories with me but never felt the right to complain about mine. Thank you for validating my history. For telling me it's okay to share.
Thank you for sharing Kenni,🙏🏻 you do deserve to be validated for your story, and for your wounds, and you deserve to know that it was never your fault and it was never ok. "Trying to be better, yet always failing" is what so many people feel, thank you for sharing your vulnerability, so others can see themselves reflected and feel valued as well!🙏🏻💕
No one should have died. She shouldn't have taken it out on you.
@@thomasdoyle9748 The death was due to illness, unfortunate and no one's fault. Just don't try to argue that with my mother.
😢
I’ve been binge watching your videos and you give me so much validation, more than I’ve ever felt and it feels so nice
Me too
Yes, and most of the doctors and people I know don't believe that fibromyalgia is a real thing. 😳
Thank you for your video, Dr. Kim. I’m glad that I found this. It’s only been two years that I’m realizing that what’s been done to me over the years was trauma. Coming from asian culture, it’s the “norm” that parents spank their kids or are harsh with their words... I thought it was normal when my mom would curse at me and call me stupid when I didn’t do something right. I thought it was normal to be slapped, hit, have my hair pulled by my mother when I got told off.
it’s challenging because in our culture, everyone says this was the expected way of parenting and they all say that it’s just “how we discipline our child”... that they need to be firm with kids... how can I be “abused” when my parents enrolled me in a good school and when my parents buy me things? But yeah it’s abuse, it’s trauma. It’s something that I’m still processing at the present time.
I also do understand that my mom was having problems with her marriage to my dad. I understand that she didn’t know how to deal with it and unfortunately I figuratively and literally became a punching bag. I understand she was in pain but it doesn’t take away the hurt that I felt. When my mom was happy, she was very supportive of me, she gave me nice gifts,,, but when she was angry, she became controlling, she became hurtful. She didn’t know how to deal with her pain so she lashed out on me...
So everything is just really complicated. I know my mom loves me and I love her but she also really hurt me,,, she and my dad worked hard so I can study in good schools. I never went hungry, we had a home, so like I never had it bad like other kids? but emotionally there’s a lot of scars... I have low self-esteem and I’m afraid to fail so I don’t even try. I’ve tried to talk to her about it but I don’t think I’ll ever get acknowledgment from her because she justified it all as “discipline” and “the norm”
I’m trying to heal on my own and not wait on any acknowledgement or apology (I’m seeing therapist) but it’s just sad... sad and tiring. Anyway I’m sorry this got so long. Thank you for the book recommendations 💜
Thank you for sharing and I am sorry that you have experienced such truly complicated love. You are so right about parenting philosophies and cultural norms or beliefs which can justify practices that can be so wounding for kids. Please keep doing your work, and I know it can be sad and tiring and just plain hard- but you are worthy of being healed and whole💕🙏🏻
I recommend you the book What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo - she's Asian and a complex trauma survivor
Thank you for your posts. I'm grateful that my mom admitted that even when I was just two three days old, I would cry and she would stand at the bottom of the stairs whispering, "please stop crying" and that she never held me. She said eventually I just didn't cry.
I understand why I felt so alone and that I couldn't trust anyone or anything in this world.
I got messages that I want worth caring for. I wasn't with tracing to wipe correctly, brush my teeth, or feed.
I understand it now as just being really bad programming. And I'm trying to rewrite the code. I'm almost 50 years old.
The only thing that I can say to anyone please don't give up.
Oh my. I'm sorry this happened. This like made my jaw drop. I couldn't imagine. I have 7 months old. I couldn't imagine just letting him cry. That seems very triggering for me. I'm wondering if something like that happened to me now and I just don't remember yet. It makes me cringe.
Excellent video! I love how you acknowledge so many different possible situations and talk about how they might affect a person’s development. Very respectful and validating. Amazing! 💜 thank you!
Thank you! So kind and deeply appreciated!💕🙏🏻🙏🏻
“It was God’s will”. Thank you! God gets way too much blame. The devil gets too much credit. And we make too many excuses.
I sure do like you, I went to therapy in Boston for about 24 years 2-3 x a week, Then at the VA in Portland Oregon for another 6 years, I grew up became aware of the multiple millions of traumas as a child and in the military, It was hell to go through but really grateful I am alive and that God has a plan for me, PTSD is still here but, I as a person I am golden! There is a saying that “healing is painful, not healing is painful, pick your pain, I am so grateful no matter the horrible long suffering that I chose to heal the nightmare I was faced with, I should not be here but God had other plans, When I turn 65 his plan will go into motion and it is exciting, I had a sign that said, “If your going through hell, keep going” Don’t quit don’t give up you will always be healing but you won’t always be in the trauma, stay safe and love yourself!
I just found your channel and plan to jump right in adding your skilled and caring offering here as part of my process, support, healing. I had checked myself into a hospital bc I was so done with trying to live without pain being intentionally heaped on me, as it had since day I was born. I had a great treatment team, I complied wholeheartedly as I wanted to live but not unless change could be shown me, I wasn't going to make it. Looking back it is very scary how close I was to seeing ony one logical next move. After 7 years of out-patient group and MD 1:1 and an LMSW 1:1 I was discharged from the treatment plan. At the time my diagnoses were situational depression, battered wife syndrome, Co-Dependency , childhood sexual abuse (1993-2000).
I worked my program and basically thought life is cool now, I can do this. I knew lifelong healing to be a good thing, whatever I had to do to be some level of happy that wasn't people pleasing. I still had issues but managed them I thought. But something just somehow wasn't right. My abusive parent continued to cause my life horrid issues even though I had gone no contact during treatment as advised. She was doing everything she could to damage my relationship and reputation with my very loved two children, it's too much to tell here. This is the woman who whipped me at 4 months old, poured hot grease from the deep fryer the homemade donuts were just taken up from. I was 10 months old, I had just learned to pull up to standing. She beat me so badly with a belt the whole left butt to knee was purple many times she did this, she fed me amphetamines at age 2 and a half IN CHURCH so she coud take me out and spank me to show she wn't spare the rod on this horrible child, she was already setting me up for being known as wrong or bad or hard headed kid. Believe me she compounded these things. I won't go on but my story is almost unbelievable even to me.
Three years ago I quit denying that I am not just me period, I suspected for ten years I am DID. An incident happened that my system revealed to me their presence. I was terrified. I have involved myself in researching andd learning. This was during the pandemic so getting an appointment was not really possible. then I've had problems finding trauma psychiatrists /phychologist. I'm to savey to the system the go to just anybody. The tx from earlier taught me that. Even though they didn't catch the personality shifts or it was less accepted as a diagnosis back then. SO all that to say, thank you for your skill and for caring. I'm subscribing too.
i love you. what a beautiful service you give. i feel you.
Thank you so much for this video, and for all the compassion, respect, and care you give to all these life traumas. I am in my mind 60s so as I look back through my life from this vantage point I can see how my childhood trauma has shaped my life especially in my close relationships. I loved working as an early childhood teacher with kids birth to 12 yrs and their families, for 28 years. The pay was pretty much poverty level but the reward was awesome. You covered a lot of my childhood trauma and my adult trauma as well. It brought tears to my eyes when you mentioned the part about not being able to conceive. In my case the partners I chose were not suitable for being adequate parents anyway. I am so grateful for the opportunity of being a teacher.
Thank you for the videos, they are very helpful for validating some of the feelings that I was having these past months. I lost my biological mom during birth and was raised by a foster mother. If I was asked any question about my mother one year ago, I would say it was overall a fine experience, and I was grateful that she raised me, as I wasn't the main target of her anger or her behaviours most of the time, I kind of minimized the actions. Due to the complexity of the situation I was raised in, I feel like I have to be grateful for what I was given and resources like these that state my situation was not okay helps me navigate my feelings and the situations in a more critical way.
Thank you so much for the validation on parenting Spicy kids. I feel seen.
Love the opening quotation!
Wonderful and so kind for the soul
I never felt safe any were" i never wanted to leave the house.when i was little'..
Thank you dear dr. Kim for this beautifull and helpfull video...💓❤💗💕💜❣
You're so welcome! Thank you so much for sharing and for watching!💕💕🙏🏻
Thanks so much.
Thank you you're so right about everything. It's so true. I enjoy watching your videos. I am a 47 female got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am Empath. I am the oldest out of five children my parents had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. God gives us victory. I been a Christian for over ten years. I enjoy doing things on my own by myself now. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists enablers are just as bad as Narcissists. Narcissists are liars
Narcissists always act like the victim
Narcissists are broken people
Narcissists are insecure people
Narcissists never loved us
Narcissists don't care about you at all
Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil
Narcissists are fake and phony people
So very helpful.
My uncle shot himself, and I m the one who found him in his trailer. He had been sick with COPD so bad it took over the hill.
But I had been in a special class in my second grade class. And there were kids that really had problems. Being called a Mentally Reddard MR, when I wasn't. There was nothing my mother could do because back then, they didn't have classes with people with learning disabilities.
I achieved getting out of these classes when I became a senior and graduated in 76.
Life wasn't easy for me because I had to work extra hard to earn good grades on account of anxiety and panic attacks.
But I am the only one who earned my M.B.A. and Government degree in my family, but I didn't get to use it on account with the hardship with my mother was controlling.
Then went through trauma with my bother beating and cocking the crap out of me isn't the easiest thing, other than moving away from the place I was raised, which is coming soon. 😂❤.
Love your podcast.
Thank you,
I had some pretty rough experience all through out my school life. Long story short, my friends and I were being harassed by some kid and after a wile I got so sick of this kid and seeing my friends unhappy, so I made it my sole perps to protect and keep my friends happy and away from this person. 8 year old me made the decision to put aside my own happiness and mental health for 4 and a half years of my life and drag myself through hell every day and night trying to keep my friends happy and safe for them to later just throw my loyalty and dedication down the drain as if it was nothing.
I did everything 8 year old me could of dun in my power to protect my friends. If they tried to come anywhere near my friends I use to body slam sideways into them till they either gave up or they couldn’t catch there breath enough to keep fighting me. I didn’t listen to myself wen I was out of breath or in pain I just kept going until they either had to sit down inside or started running away to which I would chaise them away to the other end of the playground, I didn’t care if I had been kicked in the shin several times or if had bloody knees I was relentless and I was willing to kept that status for how ever long it took.
Although all this finished 4 years ago and I left school for good a couple weeks ago I still have sleepless nights, flashbacks, and rage fit’s about it all and I haft to wait till I’m 18 till I can get an official diagnosis for C-PTSD as I don’t fancy explaining the full extent of what happened to my parents.
thank you
So many things that you said is trama.i just thought it was just things that happened, I knew it didn't happen to other kids but I just never realized how much trauma I really went through, when I was 5 my dad moved to a different state he still came to see us but then when I was 6 he died. When I was 7 my mom broke her leg and I had to move for the last half the school year. A few years later when I was around 9 my mom got cellulitis and sepsis and almost passed, right after my grandpa who was like my dad passed of sepsis, among other health issues, then again last year when I was 14 it flared up again while we were moving, my mom is wheelchair bound, she can walk but she had her own trauma when she was young, which cause depression and eating disorders so she is overweight, and now I'm 15 and I feel like I have to help her with what she can't do and just in the past 6 months my grandma who lives with us has fractured her back twice right now she is still waiting to get the second one fixed, and I try so hard to keep these burdens off of my little sister so it puts more on me and I have awful anxiety and having to help take care of my mom and grandma while moving houses and schools, being low income and worrying about how we spend so I don't always tell my mom what I need because they all need stuff and she won't get things for herself untill we get what we need but she needs to take better care of herself,. And me and my sister don't have a great relationship because I sort of raised her in a way, my mom did what she could but I did the rest and trying to take care of everyone I just let myself be walked all over by toxic friends and now we have more family drama going on with my cousin who did bad things to my other cousin, and I have no one to talk to, I have two friends but I don't want to burden them with my issues.
I feel like there's obvious trauma and not so obvious. Which is what makes figuring it out even more difficult. From the outside of my family we were your average family. And yes they were doing the best they could, however I am the third of 3 children. My parents never really meant to have any of us. But my parents kinda figured we would "take care" of each other... Well I wasn't taken care of by anyone. And verbally shamed by my father for usually my weight. As well as over sharing inappropriate, some sexual things that you don't share with even your adult children. He was on disability for a back injury and suffered manic depression. At the same time was not defended by mother nor was she ever really emotional available. Even more so when my parents divorced. And she then was a single mom. I had a lot of not so in your face neglect or "abuse" or trauma. I remember very little of my childhood. And I'm 38 now healing from a 10 year severely emotionally, mentally, and psychological and even spiritually abusive marriage. I'm surfacing tons of suppressed trauma. 🤯
Thank you, you're so right about everything. Its so true. I enjoy watching your videos. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am 47 female who is the oldest out of five children my parents had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. I been a Christian for over ten years. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. I got support from my friends from church. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers.
Sometimes I get so sick of this trauma shit! I’m so beaten down and traumatized
I and my siblings were beaten with wire, closed fists, sticks and belts throughout our childhood. You didn’t mention those. Why?
What about constant invalidation, being told your a liar and attention seeking for behaviors that were real. I keep thinking that what I experienced isn’t really trauma even though it really hurt. I’ve been told I have c-ptsd but I really question if I actually experienced trauma.
I can't remember most of my childhood apart from the same short memories. My first memory is what I now understand was anxiety. Why can't I remember?
I hear ya. It’s like short flashes of what could easily be some one else’s life.
@@Cheecher421 totally, the memories are like watching flickering black and white old movie tape
This was very helpful, thanks! But would religious trauma fit into this? I think I might be experiencing both cptsd and rts, but I can't find information to distinguish between the two
I experienced childhood trauma & the phrase your grown so it doesn't matter anymore
My childhood gave me the tools i needed to separate from the awful noise that
always seemed to be around me -- my mom was a screamer and my dad didn't talk.
so i couldn't talk to either. i never spoke up i just retreated.-- the same technique
i used during my marriage when the yelling or hitting pushed me into a secret world
that no one talks about. Even though i knew nothing about a world where a new
husband hurt the woman the professed to love, it actually felt familiar. I became
afraid so i would escape to a motel if my husband was late coming home and i
remenber jusr shaking at the thought he would find me..... I thouhht that may be the
key to my happiness in dating the men i cared about and not expecting or wanting
more - how could i possibly be hurt? ..until i fell madly in love and i cant as him for
'anything because I'im still afraid of men....
all of these points are true in my life. This series is very helpful, thank you.
I commented when the video was only halfway but it’s still true, every single one. Thank you for this.
I was bullied at 13 years old at my jr high school. Four girls used to follow me and circle me at lunch and throw away my sack lunch and threaten me until my mom called the principal and eventually we had to move to a new town!
I was bullied too, due to which I left school. :hug:
What do you think is worse living with a parent who has CPTSD or grieving their suicide?
Good question I often wonder what the answer to that question is. A constant pain or the memory of a pain.
See that saying you have in the beginning? When one goes through through extreme abuse at early age and has hard life and has compassion for others we are portrayed as weak for having compassion.vits best keep quite these are not the days.
hi am 59 end stil stok end shok
my parent your teenagers
Most of the things she mentioned happened to me. Seems world is a hell. Hell is empty
Hell is empty all the monsters are here.
What if Freud was correct? No one will touch his ideas with a 20 foot pole. There are likely many young children abused sexually by a parent. It's just that it's all too creepy to discuss openly.
I had a friend in early adulthood, who walked in on her daughter trying to have sex with her younger brother! Sharon just let it go without digging deeper, and certainly neither of us wanted to chat about it, both in our twenties! Yeah, sex is where children explore among themselves this verboten topic. And what about mothers who allow a child sleep in her bed as late as 12 years old? - with the husband sleeping in that child's bed. Seems like an unhealthy reality. I think the mother conned her husband into believing the child was insecure and needed the kid to feel safe! Unbelievable!
Apologies for opening up this topic!
no thay gang up on us i mom and thad
How about a grandfather who was the molester?
I also got spanked with the belt for years from my father until I was a teen
Many thanks. I had a great childhood. Monsters at 34. So, I'm living with it.