@@RjRafael21 “resumes perfectly the thing?” Lol. What the heck does that mean? Resumes means “continues.” Who dis? Joe Biden? “I-I…I resumed…you know, the thing….with Xi Jinping…”
@@isabelsalamanca893 PTSD from doing this? Otherwise you're using the word triggering wrong. It has a very specific definition and overuse ruins the word. Much like how woke has been overused for a meaning that isn't what it was intended.
Maybe just ask the guy to please clean the gutters now (or at least make arrangements). I'm sure some get the message and others willl learn, but getting all passive aggressive helps no one when you're just stating the obvious. And be happy if the response isn't "You want it done so badly, why not go do it yourself".
@@Vulture402Then it's up to the woman to tell her man what her problem with him is, then try to figure out a solution. Be it a modification on his part, or simply leave the relationship. Easy.
As a feminist woman, in a relationship with a very good man: hearing her say it this way is eye opening. I never thought of it that way and I feel bad for all my venting, considering I can relate when my mom’s venting at me !😬
@@corbino9855 well, excuse me! It’s hard to just let it go when you’re all frustrated. Calling it stupid is invalidating, and I know a man is not in here invalidating others feelings when men constantly invalidate their own feelings and each other’s and they say they feel ignored for it. Don’t do to others what you don’t want to be done to you
@@corbino9855But if she is venting to him, she is not "just stewing in her own unhappiness", she is forcing him to choose between being seen as insensitive to her, or being unhappy along with her. If she wants to just stew in unhappiness alone and not vent, then she isn't bringing anyone else down with her. I wouldn't recommend that when there is a solution available, but at least that doesn't make anyone miserable who is not choosing to be miserable.
@@isabelsalamanca893 Sometimes (maybe often) we're just making a factual statement. Your feelings are YOUR feelings, which means it's in your head and nowhere else. Expecting constant validation from the same person 24/7 (or even 16/7) is unrealistic, especially when it's two people living together. ----- Tangentially, if a man is invalidating your feelings at the moment maybe he is having a bad day, overloaded, doesn't share your point of view, etc. The only thing more irrational than asking your partner (in a relationship) for constant validation is expecting every man you encounter to provide you validation at the drop of a hat.
Best advice I learned from my history teacher, told us kids at the time that when his wife is fuming and about to vent or go off, he quickly stops and ask her, “Are you talking to me just so you need me to listen, or are you talking to me to solve a problem and help you out?” Hopes this helps who ever wishes to keep the love of his life, remain in his life.
I just wait for her to ask for help. I know my responsibilities in my household. I stay on top of my business. So I never ask if she is just venting. She knows, if she doesn’t ask me directly then I’m not casting pearls before swine. I’m just listening, and occasionally calling her out when she is the person being particularly unreasonable in her story.
This is the greatest relationship advice ever! I have explained to my wife that my default is to find a solution. If she wants me to just listen, then she has to tell me that she just wants to be heard and validated. Although, I still don't understand why she doesn't want the problem fixed, but at least I can understand to listen. Then I can go fix it after, or it will drive me crazy.
Yeah I automatically try to resolve the problem and then end up being abused by my partner for trying to fix the problem that's stressing them out which is really epic.
@@dominusbalial835 that tends to happen, I know I put a lot of emphasis on the women but we can also do a better job of asking what they need of us to. Even if it’s to avoid abuse
@@JH-ck1nr you failed to grasp what I’m saying. People pleasing is kinda of what you want to do in a relationship…if you’re aren’t doing a thing to meet her needs, you don’t deserve her, especially if she meets all of your needs. Yes be yourself mostly, but if you don’t fill the role she needs in that moment, you will cause more harm than good because you are showing her that you don’t believe she can fix the situation on her own, which MANY woman can do without us and would rather do that than be made to feel lesser.
What gets to me about this is not that someone just wants to vent sometimes and not looking for the solution, I understand that. But when you give a solution when they want support and then they get upset about it instead of saying "I just need support right now" they are creating unhappiness that doesn't need to be there.
Objectively, toxic women are in the majority and via democracy they believe they are always right even when they are wrong. Democracy sucks when bad people are the majority.
@@DeathBlocks Exactly, a solution or at least a potential solution is support, legitimate support. Getting talked at but not supposing to find a solution is far more stressful because you then have to try to offer the exactly right amount of empathy (even in your facial expressions), and be just the right amount of shown interest, etc. which is at least somewhat stressful and frustrating because it’s a bunch nonsense you don’t want to do to prop up the little kabuki theater thing she is doing. It’s way too much work for something that is pretty stupid.
They have to have it explained that problems exist to be solved and that it's better to solve problems than to "talk about it". No house in history has ever been built by "talking about it", it was built by people in action. "Action is the only truth." - Marcus Aurelius.
My wife never wants the solution, she just wants to vent. It only took me 15 years to figure that out. It's so difficult to not jump in when she's being unreasonable or there's an obvious solution she can't/won't see. So I say nothing
@@kingwooly6211 thissssss. I was in a relationship for ten years, and bless her heart, she could not figure out how to communicate effectively. I laid it all out in the open. "If you want me to fix the problem, tell me to fix the problem. If you just want to vent, specify that you are venting and just need somebody to listen to you. I am not a mind-reader, so you need to use verbal words to tell me what you expect." She would get mad and say I was being "toxic" simply by asking her to be honest about her expectations. Apparently working over 60 hours a week and paying all the bills and doing all the lawn work while simply asking her to be direct is "toxic." Welcome to modern women lololol
Women, if you just want to vent then say, "Can I just vent for a bit?" Men, learning to ask "Are you just venting or do you want me to help fix it?" Women, once the problem is solved, remember to tell your man and also thank him for either listening or helping.
I can just see how the action of asking will often get a reaction of "Why do you need to ask". My wife realised that it is wrong to expect me to just know which one she needs. So she started just pointing it out, and not in the upset way of why don't you support me. She will just say "I just want some support now" or even do it in a joking way "O I don't get some reassurance". It just makes it better.
We don't need to 'learn' anything because there's nothing to learn. Either say that you want to vent or ask us to fix the problem. We're not mind readers, so don't play these stupid little games with us and don't get upset when we decide not to play. We've got better things to do. Honesty, what a concept! #withering sarcasm.
@DavidZ4-gg3dm in my experience the only women who like to vent just don't like spending the energy to fix their problems. Theyd rather just complain because then they are right, and get attention, but they also dont have to do anything to fix the issue, which might involve a lot of work (for example if they have a bad boss, but they dont want to update their resume, apply to new jobs etc)
They are masochists after all. Look, women scream about wanting more emotional men, and then women suffer because a lack of masculine men. Women championed "feelings over facts", like with "trans", and now women suffer because men are going into women's sports. Women also suffer because of men taking female quotas. Women truly want women to suffer.
@@garymartin9777It distracts you from the other pain. Or maybe you'll damage your brain enough that you won't even realize your head hurts - and you won't notice anything else either...
@@garymartin9777 just listen to a Hank Williams song. 2-3 minutes and it’s done, the feeling passes, and you can go about your day. I’ve never felt better after banging my head against a wall. Especially the next day when I have to pull out the spackle and mesh, and fix the goddamn wall. But idk, maybe if I was a woman, and had a man to fix all of my problems for me, it’d be different.
ALL So True.😊👍 I'm pertty sure most men DON'T choose to live with a woman so that they can experience an ONGOING BARRAGE of NEGATIVITY to which the are expected to act as SILENT LISTENERS... UGH...! -70SomethingGuy
Lived with my single controlling narcissist mother for many years. All she would do the moment i was awake was vent and rant. There was times i was awoken by her coming in my room or standing over me. To see if i was awake to vent to me. For note everything was always an issue for her. The smallest little things was always end of the world. I moved out but she still calls me daily while i am at work. Or calls me more then 2 times a day on my days off.
@@joeytruett5250 Wow, Joey, thank you so much for sharing your story. My friend calls it emotional incest. When you have an overbearing mother who controls your life and uses you as a manure pit to shovel her negative feelings towards. I am in a similar situation as yours. Mine is more subtle and I think less intrusive. However, it is still difficult as I felt guilty everytime I rebelled against it, convincing myself she's a saint. When none of us are. Much love and respect for you sharing your story.
@@AYYOluvable Nope, only white knights respond to damsels in distress. Decent men are looking for a partner not a passenger, and peace not drama. Men have enough dragons to slay.
The concept of being upset about a problem but then getting even more upset when someone provides a solution to your distress is literally a mental illness. You cannot convince me otherwise
Been noticing a huge surge of people comfortable talking about their problems rather than fixing/finding someone to fix them. It's distressing. And dangerous.
@@Wolf10media it’s literally a billion dollar industry. It’s called therapy. Not saying it can’t be useful for certain people, like war veterans, cops, survivors of traumatic events, the drug/alcohol dependent etc. but there is no reason for most of our country’s population to be in therapy. 80% of yall are just rich little whiners, who want to gossip about people without any judgement for it, and be able to blame all your problems on your parents and your upbringing. If you spent half the amount of effort working hard and trying to fix your problems with action, that you do just talking about them, maybe you wouldn’t have so many problems that you have to pay a stranger absurd amounts of money to listen to you b!+ch and moan.
9 times out of 10, the "Problem" for women IS just needing to talk about something that they've already solved or that perhaps they'd like to handle a little more delicately/professionally - but need to speak the "real-deal" to someone who they don't have to be so professional with. Hearing: "Well, just do xyz" is patronizing and frustrating.
I think usually the reason we don’t want a problem solved is because we probably recognize we had a part to play in the problem and don’t want to be found out
@@LucYGaming_ Yep! And here's the thing: right or wrong, he wants to help because men are very cause and effect. X hurts, Y is solution, complaining is not part of Y. Do Y, X stops, happy. If you are wrong, part of Y is him saying, "Maaaaybe we don't do that again?"
Solving a problem would be a demonstration of strength. A solved problem removes a reason to vent, may diminish the victimization narrative, and might require an upgrade to her behavior or perspective.
Exactly! Venting is victimization, and to remove the issue or, worse, to recognize that you are part of the problem means that you can no longer be a victim. Far too many people today have a victim mindset, and it is incredibly destruction to them and to everyone around them.
Same, the 'venting' went from just 'venting' to hitting after a few years and my ex just said it was because someone else made her upset and I should blame them or it was my fault because I did something. I just had to weather the storm, eventually I left her. If they are only partially in the relationship, than its best to find someone else.
I've learned that "venting" is an unhealthy practice that stews you and your loved ones into the negativity and frustration that the event caused. Being solutions oriented is a way to get rid of the bad energy and fix the issues. Of course, we all need time to process the terrible thing, but venting about it actually makes it worse 9/10 times. After i started avoiding the venting practice, i started being a happier individual and started noticing how sad a lot of people i know are. Forever complaining but not wanting to fix anything. It changes you into the opposite of what you want to be. This short is a nice explanation. Venting is selfish.
Exactly. My mom constantly used to vent about problems at work, and I’d always offer a solution, usually involving standing up for herself, and telling her boss or coworkers that she wouldn’t stand for being taken advantage of, doing work at home on her own time, and whatnot (she’s a teacher) She never listened, and kept running into the same problems, over and over, until one time she finally listened and did what I recommended. Problem solved. For weeks she was so happy that she finally stood up for herself, and nothing bad happened as a consequence. She kept saying over and over “I should’ve listened to you and done that a long time ago.” She couldn’t stop talking about it. Now she still doesn’t always take all the advice I give her, but she always listens and considers it at least. And she’s still a people pleaser, but she’s much better about standing up for herself and drawing boundaries. I think a lot of this stuff comes from a trend I’ve been noticing lately (in both men and women, but more so in women) where people are like super afraid of confrontation nowadays. People would rather be walked all over and stressed out 24/7 than say something and stand up for themselves. I blame phones and social media. It’s like people are afraid of anything even remotely possible to become confrontational. I don’t know what that’s about. People would rather talk behind your back, and go complain about it in therapy or whatever, but will never straight up confront the problem head on. People are getting way too soft these days.
Venting is a healthy psychological practice because bottling up excess negativity is worse in the long run. Anything to the contrary is toxic and unscientific. I've been involved with psychiatric people and they've all said the same thing. Listen to the professionals, vent in a healthy manner, and move on from the negativity. Bottling it up is what leads to shit like addiction and substance abuse. I've seen it and almost had it happen to me.
@@TheIroncladResearcher Venting trades on the old idea of humors, specifically the "pressure cooker theory." If a professional seriously worth their salt, they won't be telling you to blanketly vent about things and encourage CONSTRUCTIVE solutions which get rid of the feelings in the first place.
@@bakerboat4572 Well no what I was saying is that venting in a healthy and constructive manner is absolutely the right thing to do because if you don't it just makes it worse for you. Cite me a source saying the opposite because basically every therapist I've ever met in multiple countries has said the same thing.
This is the hardest part of being a man. We're hard wired to want to solve a problem and she doesn't want any help, so we have to act like it's not our problem but empathize with her like it is.
It's basic cause and effect, right? If there is a solution to the problem, complaining is not typically part of it. Apply the solution, problem gets fixed, and no complaints that nobody really wants to hear anyway are needed.
Obviously there are exceptions, but I think that men and women have a different order of operations. They get hit with the emotions first, and need to process (vent) them before they can clear their head and focus on the solution. Men bottle up their feelings/lock them away temporarily, focus on fixing the problem, and THEN bitch/vent about it later.
I always thought the same as well. Speaking about a problem/issue does nothing.The problem will remain thus causing ongoing frustration at the still unsolved problem. Instead of talking about it just fix said problem and vualá!... it rectifies any need for venting frustration or having any frustration in the first place.
@@DavidFrost9992that’s stupid you don’t always have capability to implement a solution even if there is one 😂 so are you saying woman is venting because there is no solution suuuure 😂
Sometimes people need someone to talk to un order to feel better; think about why people like "Good Listeners" sometimes it's not about the problem itself but the way it was handled.
It’s exhausting. I’ve been seeing this girl for only a little bit, and it’s been nothing but negativity and constant venting and complaining. I’m honestly not sure what to do, bc I know it is not my job to fix her, but I also don’t want her to hurt herself.
You answered your own question about what to do. You already know you cannot fix her or save her so you need to take a step back no matter how difficult it may be because I can understand if you do care for her but you don't deserve to allow her to put you in this situation where you're miserable all the time because you know there's nothing you can do.
This is very accurate. My ex was one of those women who ( through poor decisions, lack of accountability, lack of preparation or planning for anything in life): repeatedly manufactured multiples upon multiples of problems for herself, and I. Every week, every month. She vented to be heard. But realistically, she never wanted guidance or solution based advice: for the purpose of her learning to be accountable and responsible; with the goal of preventing these problems. All she wanted was for me to cover her ass, and bail her out of her messes. Only to repeat the same irresponsible behavioral nonsense: over and over....and over again. That's why she's my Ex. Very enlightening when you stop helping ( enabling ) their childishness. Do not count on gratitude, appreciation or respect.
She doesnt want solution because she knew the solution but afraid to face/deal with it.. bevause she is lazy, weak n irresponsible.. n get mad when you denies her victimhood
@reanimationxp LoL, I doubt it. Sorry you went through it, too. But that's the thing: these type of women are all the same preprogrammed dysfunctional, vacant robots.
"Hey, I'm not looking for advice, I just want someone to listen, got a minute?", that's what my brother and I always do. Just 2 dudes communicating clearly
@@DavidZ4-gg3dm Slippery slope fallacy: If I listen a couple of times, she might complain all the time, so it's better to never listen. Learn to sit there and listen, but if you find excessive, establish a boundary instead of preventing the opportunity to vent right from the start.
honestly this got it so right. I don't mind seeing someone vent but I don't enjoy seeing someone suffer and if there is a problem that I KNOW the solution to then it would be nice to have that acknowledged because I spent a lot of time perhaps with a similar problem and experienced the negative emotions of it and have gone through the difficult process of figuring out a solution so I wouldn't have to feel that negative emotion again. and it's really frustrating that other people will just force it back onto you undeserving.
Both arguments are spot on, we men are just trying to offer up a solution to your issues. Your venting seems to us (me) you are wanting that help, but refuse it when we offer? Quote from Vinny Barberino”I’m so confused “!
I had this literally today with a girl at work. My friend has been trying to message her and he’s failing miserably. She’s been saying he’s spamming her to annoy her now he knows she doesn’t like him. I then said to her well why don’t you turn your phone off, why don’t you just block him etc. yet she didn’t respond to a single thing I said or if she did she said maybe. Found it very strange now it makes sense
In the years I taught Communicating with Compassion, I explained that when somebody shares their issue with us, it is not always a request for solution. Sometimes it is simply a request for empathy and understanding. I would teach my students to ASK if the person is interested in advice, unless the person indicated clearly that solutions are welcome.
What's more compassionate? Endlessly barraging a partner with complaints and negativity day after day, forcing that person to just sit and listen or actually coming up with a solution and implementing it so that problem ceases to be one and you can both move on from it and be happier? Why is it that we're only interested in being empathetic to women while disregarding the fact that constantly dumping negative emotions into someone who is goal oriented is extremely detrimental to their mental health?
@@twohorsesinamancostume7606that is an excellent point. A husband has every right to set boundaries. He just needs to do it in a respectful and compassionate way. Something like, "Sweetheart, I wish I were able to listen to you in the heartfelt way that this conversation calls for. But since I don't have the ability to do that now, would you want me to brainstorm with you on who you might be able to turn to?" Of course, this might trigger yet another reaction. If that happens too often, one has to wonder why he married her, and if they would be helped with some marriage counseling, or if she would be helped with individual therapy.
Thats why me and my partner make sure to say "oh no dont worry babe im just venting rn" or "babe i need advice on something" and luckily my partner is not the type of woman to refuse a solution if its available because she would rather not have to deal with the issue than to feel a need to complain 24/7. 😂 she actually feels like a burden on others when she is in a negative frame of mind and takes accountability for that. I have to remind her its okay to feel how she feels and she actually appreciates when i try to fix whatever is bothering her. She has seen my own ability to predict outcomes and she often relies on me to analyze a situation for her and advise her on the best course of action. It gives me an incredible sense of meaning by being able to help the woman i love and she finds meaning in being able to rely on the man she loves.😂 I beg you all to try and find someone who you can feel this way with and who feels this way about you. ❤
But see, you are being logical. That would be the rational thing to do, but we know that may work, more likely won’t because you might just be talking to an irrational person. I knew about the whole venting vs finding advice but even if you do try doing that, then it becomes a test as to are you “really” listening? Are you exhibiting the just the right amount of empathy or agreement? To ask, “Are you wanting to vent or find a solution?” is worse than offering solutions because that is dictating the terms of the conversation (or so I’ve been told) and so one ends up facing the reality that this behavior is simply irrational and causes stress and drama and you really don’t want to participate in it any more.
We don't want to solve anyone's problem. We're fine solving ours. We don't need anyone's sympathy, and saying women gotta stop venting still compels us to solve their problems anyway.
I struggled hard with this. Also happened woth friends, they got upset when I tought about solutions, not even sure why it would be rude to try and help you solve a problem that you just talked to me about. My dad always did tell me that we only speak of the stuff we need help with, otherwise you are just dumping your stress on everyone else.
I like how real your shorts are. You get on the level of the character with the problem, try to explain another way of thinking, then they learn nothing. To be human.
This will sound crazy.... But instead of telling men to listen to USELESS complaining... How about we teach women to LOOK FOR A SOLUTION instead of COMPLAINING ABOUT A PROBLEM... You know... Like a grown up adult, functioning, sane person should!! Crazy right?
The worst part about it all is even if the partner plays along and accepts the burden of feeling bad for no reason with no recourse to correct it, they'll eventually respond with "Do you want solutions, or just complaints?" . A massive blow to both sides since the partner now resents the continuous burden of emotinal baggage, and the "venter" is insulted at best or breaks communication and withdraws at worst.
This dialogue hits it right on the spot. This exactly expresses how I've approached conversations with girlfriends and how they were acting. and reacting.
I once heard someone suggest asking "do you need my help or just my ear?" Haven't had a chance to try it yet but I filed it away in case I need it at some point.
"You're not miserable because you fix stuff, and I HATE that!" Tip: Men don't like to be with people who drag them down. Men prefer to be with people who lift each other up. Doesn't matter if the person is male or female.
It's like if your girl comes at you complaining that the car is acting up, and she just goes on and on and on...and on...and on...about how it makes her feel, and then gets mad at you for wanting to go put an end to the issue.
I frequently tell people that I'll brainstorm possible solutions and get back to them. It's sheer coincidence that this tactic seems to be ideal for the situation.
Thanks for such a beautiful explanation. I've been in such situation and thankfully learned to be aware of this case. I also have a story from not so long ago. I'm a man and I also vent online about my anxiety to some friends, and my female friend started trying to give me "solutions", like "if you're anxious about not completing your ideas, just do something for 5 minutes, you'll either accomplish something or the anxiety will go away", but it doesn't really work most of the time, that's the problem of anxiety disorder (I am medicated and have visited a therapist for this). Sometimes you just want to tell about your struggle to not feel like in an empty social void.
I had to have this explained to me years after a breakup. I couldn't understand why she got mad at me for trying to fix the issue. Don't vent to your guy. Tell him when you are ready to fix the issue.
When I was younger, I would often ask my wife, “do you want me to fix it or just listen?” This avoided lots of misunderstanding. Heck, I can listen if needed.
I've learned a simple question to solve this issue before it even starts. "Do you want a girlfriend or me to solve the problem?" If they want a girlfriend, I stop listening and just "uh huh yeah, that's terrible so sorry wanna hug?"
What gets me is there always is something for them to “vent about” and if she isn’t happy, nobody is going to be happy! Men have problems too, but we think of a solution and move on. No need to get all emotional and complain about it for days! No need to stress our wives about it either.
The problem is not the problem, it's how she feels about it. I learned long ago to ask if she wants the problem fixed or if she just wants to vent. Surprisingly, almost always she just wants to vent. Once you get the hang of it, it's pretty easy to just listen and ask a few questions to show you are interested.
The worse part is when they tell a guy something and expect them to not act upon it, while also expecting them to act upon something when they look at them like they normally do and adjust their hair like they normally do. As if it were an obvious invitation or signal and then complain that the guy chose to NOT do something that would get him into trouble due to the fact that 99.99% of the time it literally mean absolutely nothing. The only options guys have are to either do nothing and be called dense/oblivious or to do something and either get into a lot of trouble or be labeled whatever derogatory term that person randomly labels that guy as, and the 00.01% that somehow guessed right might get a first, second or third date. The punishment for getting it wrong once is far grater then any possible reward for getting it “right” a thousand time, this is why guys are “dense” and specifically do what you tell them to do.
Indeed, and we don't want that negativity because it disrupts our inner peace, which we always instinctually and primally strive to maintain at all costs.
I've been on both sides. I'm a woman who used to vent, but realized, I was coming home yelling about everything. Was it venting, or being pissed off at the world? I almost lost my husband over this. He felt like I was yelling at him, and he didn't know why he was being attacked. I realized the problem wasn't with work. The problem was me. I wasn't a happy person. If I wanted to save my marriage, I needed to change who I was. It was a long hard road, with lots of bumps. I'd try to have a pleasant conversation, but always go back to complaining about something. The complaining turned into a heated monologue really quickly, and my hubby would leave the room. I learned that venting is complaining in an aggressive way, and who wants to be yelled at? I started to find positive things to talk about, and by doing so I found reasons to be happy. That's when I started to grow as a person. I was then able to replace the negativity inside myself with positive things. I actually changed my way of looking at life. I also have so much to be grateful for, and happiness just comes so easy now. Needless to say, I don't vent anymore.
“I didn’t want food, I was just hungry!”
That, right here, resumes perfectly the thing. Well done
This comment is the perfect summary of the situation.
How does this not sound crazy?
😂
@@RjRafael21 “resumes perfectly the thing?” Lol. What the heck does that mean? Resumes means “continues.” Who dis? Joe Biden? “I-I…I resumed…you know, the thing….with Xi Jinping…”
@@user-ne1qu1bg4iit is crazy.
If you want a solution, tell a man. If you want to vent, tell your girlfriends
🥇
@@philipdan9461my new slapback🎉
They will tell her to leave him Even if it’s nothing to do with him.
@@HammerThumbs bunch of envious witches!
“I can’t get this jar opened!”
*man opens jar*
“What are you doing!!!!???”
"This is the 10th time this month I've told you the gutters need to be cleaned!"
"I know your just venting and not really looking for a solution."
I get that this is a joke, but it’s actually triggering 😂 srsly do NOT say that to your wife if you know what’s good for you
@@isabelsalamanca893 Okay, so you just let slip to his wife that *he* said it ;-)
Good one 😂
@@isabelsalamanca893 PTSD from doing this? Otherwise you're using the word triggering wrong. It has a very specific definition and overuse ruins the word. Much like how woke has been overused for a meaning that isn't what it was intended.
Maybe just ask the guy to please clean the gutters now (or at least make arrangements).
I'm sure some get the message and others willl learn, but getting all passive aggressive helps no one when you're just stating the obvious.
And be happy if the response isn't "You want it done so badly, why not go do it yourself".
Nothing bothers me more than when a problem keeps coming back because the person or persons won't try to fix it.
@@Vulture402Then it's up to the woman to tell her man what her problem with him is, then try to figure out a solution. Be it a modification on his part, or simply leave the relationship. Easy.
@@Vulture402 She can go back to the streets then. Problem solved.
@@jameslaidler2152 Not every relationship should succeed, and people don't want to hear that.
So true 👍
@@lanmandragoran8337 Sounds like a you problem to be honest
"I just want to inflict my bad mood upon you because you're the one obligated to put up with it."
"Emotional tampon"
Yes. Pretty bad.
😂😂💯❗
As a feminist woman, in a relationship with a very good man: hearing her say it this way is eye opening. I never thought of it that way and I feel bad for all my venting, considering I can relate when my mom’s venting at me !😬
@@Eluderatnightgross
I have never thought about it that way. That's the definition of "if I'm not happy, no one else is allowed to be."
They practice that on a regular basis. It's the first tool out of the tool box to control any and all.
More like “I’m not happy, why can’t you just let me stew in my own unhappiness rather than try to get me out of it?”
It’s still stupid.
@@corbino9855 well, excuse me! It’s hard to just let it go when you’re all frustrated. Calling it stupid is invalidating, and I know a man is not in here invalidating others feelings when men constantly invalidate their own feelings and each other’s and they say they feel ignored for it. Don’t do to others what you don’t want to be done to you
@@corbino9855But if she is venting to him, she is not "just stewing in her own unhappiness", she is forcing him to choose between being seen as insensitive to her, or being unhappy along with her.
If she wants to just stew in unhappiness alone and not vent, then she isn't bringing anyone else down with her. I wouldn't recommend that when there is a solution available, but at least that doesn't make anyone miserable who is not choosing to be miserable.
@@isabelsalamanca893 Sometimes (maybe often) we're just making a factual statement.
Your feelings are YOUR feelings, which means it's in your head and nowhere else.
Expecting constant validation from the same person 24/7 (or even 16/7) is unrealistic, especially when it's two people living together.
-----
Tangentially, if a man is invalidating your feelings at the moment maybe he is having a bad day, overloaded, doesn't share your point of view, etc.
The only thing more irrational than asking your partner (in a relationship) for constant validation is expecting every man you encounter to provide you validation at the drop of a hat.
Best advice I learned from my history teacher, told us kids at the time that when his wife is fuming and about to vent or go off, he quickly stops and ask her, “Are you talking to me just so you need me to listen, or are you talking to me to solve a problem and help you out?” Hopes this helps who ever wishes to keep the love of his life, remain in his life.
I do the same with my wife. Hit pause and get clarification.
yep, married for 20 some years. You learn when to listen and when to talk. (btw, still learning)
SAGE Advice 😊👍 -70SomethingGuy
honestly some girls would get mad at you just for asking that
I just wait for her to ask for help. I know my responsibilities in my household. I stay on top of my business. So I never ask if she is just venting. She knows, if she doesn’t ask me directly then I’m not casting pearls before swine. I’m just listening, and occasionally calling her out when she is the person being particularly unreasonable in her story.
Most men can fill multiple roles, the problem is our default is to fix the problem. Be clear in what you need us to be and we can be it.
This is the greatest relationship advice ever! I have explained to my wife that my default is to find a solution. If she wants me to just listen, then she has to tell me that she just wants to be heard and validated. Although, I still don't understand why she doesn't want the problem fixed, but at least I can understand to listen. Then I can go fix it after, or it will drive me crazy.
Yeah I automatically try to resolve the problem and then end up being abused by my partner for trying to fix the problem that's stressing them out which is really epic.
@@dominusbalial835 that tends to happen, I know I put a lot of emphasis on the women but we can also do a better job of asking what they need of us to. Even if it’s to avoid abuse
No. Just be yourself and not a people pleaser to those that expect everything one way!!
@@JH-ck1nr you failed to grasp what I’m saying. People pleasing is kinda of what you want to do in a relationship…if you’re aren’t doing a thing to meet her needs, you don’t deserve her, especially if she meets all of your needs. Yes be yourself mostly, but if you don’t fill the role she needs in that moment, you will cause more harm than good because you are showing her that you don’t believe she can fix the situation on her own, which MANY woman can do without us and would rather do that than be made to feel lesser.
Objectively, this is just one of myriad reasons why women sound crazy to men.
What gets to me about this is not that someone just wants to vent sometimes and not looking for the solution, I understand that.
But when you give a solution when they want support and then they get upset about it instead of saying "I just need support right now" they are creating unhappiness that doesn't need to be there.
Objectively, toxic women are in the majority and via democracy they believe they are always right even when they are wrong.
Democracy sucks when bad people are the majority.
@@DeathBlocks Exactly, a solution or at least a potential solution is support, legitimate support.
Getting talked at but not supposing to find a solution is far more stressful because you then have to try to offer the exactly right amount of empathy (even in your facial expressions), and be just the right amount of shown interest, etc. which is at least somewhat stressful and frustrating because it’s a bunch nonsense you don’t want to do to prop up the little kabuki theater thing she is doing. It’s way too much work for something that is pretty stupid.
I'm just grateful to have a kind and loving girlfriend who actually trusts me and loves me.
They have to have it explained that problems exist to be solved and that it's better to solve problems than to "talk about it".
No house in history has ever been built by "talking about it", it was built by people in action.
"Action is the only truth." - Marcus Aurelius.
My wife never wants the solution, she just wants to vent. It only took me 15 years to figure that out. It's so difficult to not jump in when she's being unreasonable or there's an obvious solution she can't/won't see. So I say nothing
This video helped me a as lot! I wasn’t being able to notice that either
And then they say why arent you responding?
Reminds me of the "Its Not About The Nail" video.
Exactly, goin' nuts and hookin' the cushion is at the top of the list of things to do at all times.
@@kingwooly6211 thissssss.
I was in a relationship for ten years, and bless her heart, she could not figure out how to communicate effectively.
I laid it all out in the open. "If you want me to fix the problem, tell me to fix the problem. If you just want to vent, specify that you are venting and just need somebody to listen to you. I am not a mind-reader, so you need to use verbal words to tell me what you expect."
She would get mad and say I was being "toxic" simply by asking her to be honest about her expectations. Apparently working over 60 hours a week and paying all the bills and doing all the lawn work while simply asking her to be direct is "toxic."
Welcome to modern women lololol
Women, if you just want to vent then say, "Can I just vent for a bit?"
Men, learning to ask "Are you just venting or do you want me to help fix it?"
Women, once the problem is solved, remember to tell your man and also thank him for either listening or helping.
I'd rather fix the problem, not listen to a lecture about why there is a problem in the first place.
No. Men shouldn't ask that. Women should learn that if you don't want the problem solved you shouldn't complain about it.
I can just see how the action of asking will often get a reaction of "Why do you need to ask".
My wife realised that it is wrong to expect me to just know which one she needs. So she started just pointing it out, and not in the upset way of why don't you support me. She will just say "I just want some support now" or even do it in a joking way "O I don't get some reassurance". It just makes it better.
We don't need to 'learn' anything because there's nothing to learn. Either say that you want to vent or ask us to fix the problem. We're not mind readers, so don't play these stupid little games with us and don't get upset when we decide not to play. We've got better things to do. Honesty, what a concept! #withering sarcasm.
And the replies here just go to prove why this will always be a conflict point! 🤦🏼
Nobody wants to learn to avoid the conflict...
YES, YES, YES... "oh right you were vEnTiNg SoRrY" 😂😂😂
Why can't they vent to their female friends only?
@@DavidZ4-gg3dm The good ones would try to help too 😂 The problem here is that this sort of "venting" is not venting but pure yapping of negativity.
@@erikkonstas It's worse when she mentions the same problems many times.
@DavidZ4-gg3dm in my experience the only women who like to vent just don't like spending the energy to fix their problems. Theyd rather just complain because then they are right, and get attention, but they also dont have to do anything to fix the issue, which might involve a lot of work (for example if they have a bad boss, but they dont want to update their resume, apply to new jobs etc)
Venting about venting. Meta-venting.
That women sometimes enjoy feeling bad is the weirdest thing I've learned in all my dating life.
This is the realest comment I’ve ever read
They are masochists after all.
Look, women scream about wanting more emotional men, and then women suffer because a lack of masculine men.
Women championed "feelings over facts", like with "trans", and now women suffer because men are going into women's sports.
Women also suffer because of men taking female quotas.
Women truly want women to suffer.
It's like banging your head against a wall -- it makes you feel better. Well, that's the theory, anyway.
@@garymartin9777It distracts you from the other pain. Or maybe you'll damage your brain enough that you won't even realize your head hurts - and you won't notice anything else either...
@@garymartin9777 just listen to a Hank Williams song. 2-3 minutes and it’s done, the feeling passes, and you can go about your day. I’ve never felt better after banging my head against a wall. Especially the next day when I have to pull out the spackle and mesh, and fix the goddamn wall. But idk, maybe if I was a woman, and had a man to fix all of my problems for me, it’d be different.
The phrase, “hey I’m just going to vent real quick” does wonders to solve this issue.
It's the same as, "Okay so this might sound rude"
I just say "do it to someone else, unless you want answers or problems fixed I don't care".
it's called communication. you know, the thing they always claim men are bad at.
@@OriginalPuro then you dont care for other ppl and thats why u will die alone
@@fghjfghjk2192 providing solutions is generally more caring and better for both than being someone's complaint box.
ALL So True.😊👍 I'm pertty sure most men DON'T choose to live with a woman so that they can experience an ONGOING BARRAGE of NEGATIVITY to which the are expected to act as SILENT LISTENERS... UGH...!
-70SomethingGuy
Yes! You're speaking to my soul!
That's why their girl friends are for...
Lived with my single controlling narcissist mother for many years. All she would do the moment i was awake was vent and rant. There was times i was awoken by her coming in my room or standing over me. To see if i was awake to vent to me. For note everything was always an issue for her. The smallest little things was always end of the world. I moved out but she still calls me daily while i am at work. Or calls me more then 2 times a day on my days off.
@@joeytruett5250 Wow, Joey, thank you so much for sharing your story. My friend calls it emotional incest. When you have an overbearing mother who controls your life and uses you as a manure pit to shovel her negative feelings towards.
I am in a similar situation as yours. Mine is more subtle and I think less intrusive. However, it is still difficult as I felt guilty everytime I rebelled against it, convincing myself she's a saint.
When none of us are.
Much love and respect for you sharing your story.
@@joeytruett5250 bro.... do you take the calls?
Really you don't have to.
More women should have this internal conversation with themselves...QUIETLY!
Technically she did have it with herself.
Heck, have it out loud, just have it
@@iampotsataja Yes as long as I don't have to listen to it!
But when we start solving our own problems then it's emasculating.
@@AYYOluvable Nope, only white knights respond to damsels in distress. Decent men are looking for a partner not a passenger, and peace not drama. Men have enough dragons to slay.
The concept of being upset about a problem but then getting even more upset when someone provides a solution to your distress is literally a mental illness. You cannot convince me otherwise
Been noticing a huge surge of people comfortable talking about their problems rather than fixing/finding someone to fix them. It's distressing. And dangerous.
@@Wolf10media it’s honestly scary people think this way. Fix it and move on
@@Wolf10media it’s literally a billion dollar industry. It’s called therapy. Not saying it can’t be useful for certain people, like war veterans, cops, survivors of traumatic events, the drug/alcohol dependent etc. but there is no reason for most of our country’s population to be in therapy. 80% of yall are just rich little whiners, who want to gossip about people without any judgement for it, and be able to blame all your problems on your parents and your upbringing. If you spent half the amount of effort working hard and trying to fix your problems with action, that you do just talking about them, maybe you wouldn’t have so many problems that you have to pay a stranger absurd amounts of money to listen to you b!+ch and moan.
preach. shit pisses me off
9 times out of 10, the "Problem" for women IS just needing to talk about something that they've already solved or that perhaps they'd like to handle a little more delicately/professionally - but need to speak the "real-deal" to someone who they don't have to be so professional with. Hearing: "Well, just do xyz" is patronizing and frustrating.
Somebody give this woman a show, because she deserves a platform and everyone deserves the awareness she provides
A good acting example of a spilt personality opposites.
@@m101ist what you mean?
@@jamesperkins2552 She acting opposite sides.
I think usually the reason we don’t want a problem solved is because we probably recognize we had a part to play in the problem and don’t want to be found out
That was pretty honest, but even if you are wrong in someway he would still try to help u
@@LucYGaming_ Yep!
And here's the thing: right or wrong, he wants to help because men are very cause and effect. X hurts, Y is solution, complaining is not part of Y. Do Y, X stops, happy. If you are wrong, part of Y is him saying, "Maaaaybe we don't do that again?"
In most cases, he didn't have anything to do with it.
Haahaa amen
Exactly!
Solving a problem would be a demonstration of strength.
A solved problem removes a reason to vent, may diminish the victimization narrative, and might require an upgrade to her behavior or perspective.
Nailed the childish drama
Exactly! Venting is victimization, and to remove the issue or, worse, to recognize that you are part of the problem means that you can no longer be a victim.
Far too many people today have a victim mindset, and it is incredibly destruction to them and to everyone around them.
THIS!! Was the reason why my love started to fade away for my ex. You can't rescue anyone that doesn't want help no matter how deep the wounds are.
Same, the 'venting' went from just 'venting' to hitting after a few years and my ex just said it was because someone else made her upset and I should blame them or it was my fault because I did something. I just had to weather the storm, eventually I left her. If they are only partially in the relationship, than its best to find someone else.
I've learned that "venting" is an unhealthy practice that stews you and your loved ones into the negativity and frustration that the event caused. Being solutions oriented is a way to get rid of the bad energy and fix the issues. Of course, we all need time to process the terrible thing, but venting about it actually makes it worse 9/10 times. After i started avoiding the venting practice, i started being a happier individual and started noticing how sad a lot of people i know are. Forever complaining but not wanting to fix anything. It changes you into the opposite of what you want to be. This short is a nice explanation. Venting is selfish.
I think you're full of shit. Venting can be theraputic for awhile. Not everyone is ready for a solution in the wake of a new problem.
Exactly. My mom constantly used to vent about problems at work, and I’d always offer a solution, usually involving standing up for herself, and telling her boss or coworkers that she wouldn’t stand for being taken advantage of, doing work at home on her own time, and whatnot (she’s a teacher) She never listened, and kept running into the same problems, over and over, until one time she finally listened and did what I recommended. Problem solved. For weeks she was so happy that she finally stood up for herself, and nothing bad happened as a consequence. She kept saying over and over “I should’ve listened to you and done that a long time ago.” She couldn’t stop talking about it. Now she still doesn’t always take all the advice I give her, but she always listens and considers it at least. And she’s still a people pleaser, but she’s much better about standing up for herself and drawing boundaries. I think a lot of this stuff comes from a trend I’ve been noticing lately (in both men and women, but more so in women) where people are like super afraid of confrontation nowadays. People would rather be walked all over and stressed out 24/7 than say something and stand up for themselves. I blame phones and social media. It’s like people are afraid of anything even remotely possible to become confrontational. I don’t know what that’s about. People would rather talk behind your back, and go complain about it in therapy or whatever, but will never straight up confront the problem head on. People are getting way too soft these days.
Venting is a healthy psychological practice because bottling up excess negativity is worse in the long run. Anything to the contrary is toxic and unscientific. I've been involved with psychiatric people and they've all said the same thing. Listen to the professionals, vent in a healthy manner, and move on from the negativity. Bottling it up is what leads to shit like addiction and substance abuse. I've seen it and almost had it happen to me.
@@TheIroncladResearcher Venting trades on the old idea of humors, specifically the "pressure cooker theory." If a professional seriously worth their salt, they won't be telling you to blanketly vent about things and encourage CONSTRUCTIVE solutions which get rid of the feelings in the first place.
@@bakerboat4572 Well no what I was saying is that venting in a healthy and constructive manner is absolutely the right thing to do because if you don't it just makes it worse for you. Cite me a source saying the opposite because basically every therapist I've ever met in multiple countries has said the same thing.
This is the hardest part of being a man. We're hard wired to want to solve a problem and she doesn't want any help, so we have to act like it's not our problem but empathize with her like it is.
Just ignore her.
I would never tell someone my problems if I didn't need a solution from someone. Venting makes no sense to me
It's basic cause and effect, right? If there is a solution to the problem, complaining is not typically part of it. Apply the solution, problem gets fixed, and no complaints that nobody really wants to hear anyway are needed.
Obviously there are exceptions, but I think that men and women have a different order of operations. They get hit with the emotions first, and need to process (vent) them before they can clear their head and focus on the solution. Men bottle up their feelings/lock them away temporarily, focus on fixing the problem, and THEN bitch/vent about it later.
I always thought the same as well. Speaking about a problem/issue does nothing.The problem will remain thus causing ongoing frustration at the still unsolved problem. Instead of talking about it just fix said problem and vualá!... it rectifies any need for venting frustration or having any frustration in the first place.
@@DavidFrost9992that’s stupid you don’t always have capability to implement a solution even if there is one 😂 so are you saying woman is venting because there is no solution suuuure 😂
Sometimes people need someone to talk to un order to feel better; think about why people like "Good Listeners" sometimes it's not about the problem itself but the way it was handled.
We don't need men:
Women: problem < solution = venting
Men: problem = fixing it
It’s exhausting. I’ve been seeing this girl for only a little bit, and it’s been nothing but negativity and constant venting and complaining. I’m honestly not sure what to do, bc I know it is not my job to fix her, but I also don’t want her to hurt herself.
Not your responsibility.
It’s not your responsibility. If you don’t like the person, leave. Your only going to make it worse by staying
Love doesn’t feel like that.
That’s a personality disorder. What you do is you run. One foot and then the other, very fast.
You answered your own question about what to do. You already know you cannot fix her or save her so you need to take a step back no matter how difficult it may be because I can understand if you do care for her but you don't deserve to allow her to put you in this situation where you're miserable all the time because you know there's nothing you can do.
And remember everyone, it is NOT about the nail!
I saw that video, and everything she said was about the nail. Including the fact that my forehead hurt looking at it! :D
@@DavidFrost9992 when it comes to marital communication, that’s the video every couple needs to watch! 😆
I don't get the reference. Could someone explain?
This is very accurate.
My ex was one of those women who ( through poor decisions, lack of accountability, lack of preparation or planning for anything in life): repeatedly manufactured multiples upon multiples of problems for herself, and I. Every week, every month.
She vented to be heard.
But realistically, she never wanted guidance or solution based advice: for the purpose of her learning to be accountable and responsible; with the goal of preventing these problems.
All she wanted was for me to cover her ass, and bail her out of her messes. Only to repeat the same irresponsible behavioral nonsense: over and over....and over again.
That's why she's my Ex. Very enlightening when you stop helping ( enabling ) their childishness.
Do not count on gratitude, appreciation or respect.
relatable. as. fuck.. did you date my ex?
She doesnt want solution because she knew the solution but afraid to face/deal with it.. bevause she is lazy, weak n irresponsible.. n get mad when you denies her victimhood
@reanimationxp
LoL, I doubt it.
Sorry you went through it, too.
But that's the thing: these type of women are all the same preprogrammed dysfunctional, vacant robots.
"Hey, I'm not looking for advice, I just want someone to listen, got a minute?", that's what my brother and I always do. Just 2 dudes communicating clearly
Misery loves company, apparently. 😖
I learned this the hard way by trying to fix things. Just sit there and listen.
Even if she tells you many times about the same problem?
@@DavidZ4-gg3dmYes,it's stupid and annoying but it's how their brains operate.
Ah yes, feelings are valid except when it's the urge to get rid of something annoying
@@DavidZ4-gg3dm Slippery slope fallacy: If I listen a couple of times, she might complain all the time, so it's better to never listen.
Learn to sit there and listen, but if you find excessive, establish a boundary instead of preventing the opportunity to vent right from the start.
@@IM-qy7mf How many times would you listen to her complain about the same things/people?
Outrageous! Can you imagine people trying to help you? The audacity!
honestly this got it so right. I don't mind seeing someone vent but I don't enjoy seeing someone suffer and if there is a problem that I KNOW the solution to then it would be nice to have that acknowledged because I spent a lot of time perhaps with a similar problem and experienced the negative emotions of it and have gone through the difficult process of figuring out a solution so I wouldn't have to feel that negative emotion again. and it's really frustrating that other people will just force it back onto you undeserving.
And when you listen to her problems, she will blame you and tell you that you can't understand her.
"Don't bring me a problem you don't want me to solve. I am not your emotional dumping ground."
Thank you for your support and understanding of us men. We appreciate you and what you do.
Both arguments are spot on, we men are just trying to offer up a solution to your issues. Your venting seems to us (me) you are wanting that help, but refuse it when we offer?
Quote from Vinny Barberino”I’m so confused “!
This goes all the ways to infants. In a study boys would try to go over around or through obstacles and girls would just cry
"Do you want sympathy or a solution?
Cause I can give you either, but not both at the same time"
It seams that Men like peace & tries to spread more peace
Billie, are you aware of how unique & rare you are amongst modern western women?????
Western? Don't other parts of the world have this problem too?
If this was a TV show you'd see a lot of credits...
@@revimfadli4666 not nearly as bad
Everyone is unique, that's not much of a compliment.
It's like saying, "you have eyes", it's not special.
@@OriginalPuro the easiest thing to find on earth 🌎 is a critic, thank you for your non-value adding comment
I had this literally today with a girl at work. My friend has been trying to message her and he’s failing miserably. She’s been saying he’s spamming her to annoy her now he knows she doesn’t like him. I then said to her well why don’t you turn your phone off, why don’t you just block him etc. yet she didn’t respond to a single thing I said or if she did she said maybe. Found it very strange now it makes sense
As a man who loves to vent ... I, too, really needed to hear this.
Yeah, got a wonderful solution. When a girl tells you about a problem, always answer like "okay" or "oh you feel bad... great" and just ignore her.
In the years I taught Communicating with Compassion, I explained that when somebody shares their issue with us, it is not always a request for solution. Sometimes it is simply a request for empathy and understanding. I would teach my students to ASK if the person is interested in advice, unless the person indicated clearly that solutions are welcome.
What's more compassionate? Endlessly barraging a partner with complaints and negativity day after day, forcing that person to just sit and listen or actually coming up with a solution and implementing it so that problem ceases to be one and you can both move on from it and be happier?
Why is it that we're only interested in being empathetic to women while disregarding the fact that constantly dumping negative emotions into someone who is goal oriented is extremely detrimental to their mental health?
@@twohorsesinamancostume7606 Amen!
@@twohorsesinamancostume7606that is an excellent point. A husband has every right to set boundaries. He just needs to do it in a respectful and compassionate way. Something like, "Sweetheart, I wish I were able to listen to you in the heartfelt way that this conversation calls for. But since I don't have the ability to do that now, would you want me to brainstorm with you on who you might be able to turn to?"
Of course, this might trigger yet another reaction. If that happens too often, one has to wonder why he married her, and if they would be helped with some marriage counseling, or if she would be helped with individual therapy.
Thats why me and my partner make sure to say "oh no dont worry babe im just venting rn" or "babe i need advice on something" and luckily my partner is not the type of woman to refuse a solution if its available because she would rather not have to deal with the issue than to feel a need to complain 24/7. 😂 she actually feels like a burden on others when she is in a negative frame of mind and takes accountability for that. I have to remind her its okay to feel how she feels and she actually appreciates when i try to fix whatever is bothering her. She has seen my own ability to predict outcomes and she often relies on me to analyze a situation for her and advise her on the best course of action. It gives me an incredible sense of meaning by being able to help the woman i love and she finds meaning in being able to rely on the man she loves.😂
I beg you all to try and find someone who you can feel this way with and who feels this way about you. ❤
But see, you are being logical. That would be the rational thing to do, but we know that may work, more likely won’t because you might just be talking to an irrational person.
I knew about the whole venting vs finding advice but even if you do try doing that, then it becomes a test as to are you “really” listening? Are you exhibiting the just the right amount of empathy or agreement? To ask, “Are you wanting to vent or find a solution?” is worse than offering solutions because that is dictating the terms of the conversation (or so I’ve been told) and so one ends up facing the reality that this behavior is simply irrational and causes stress and drama and you really don’t want to participate in it any more.
Someone wrote "she's a Walmart, Lana Rhoades" , I dismissed it until I saw their pictures juxtaposed.......but Billie is "prettier"
It's more like Lana Rhoades is a walmart Billie Rae Brandt.
Lana may be more well known, but Billie has a far more respectable career.
"Oh, right! You were venting .... sorry!" Brilliant!😅
Facts!!!! My wife does this to me all the time and it's absolutely frustrating especially when she keeps venting about the same problem
the title is a bit sus (I had too)
SHE VENTED VOTE HER OUT
Ahhh man, this will never ever Get out of our heads
📮📮📮📮
We don't want to solve anyone's problem. We're fine solving ours. We don't need anyone's sympathy, and saying women gotta stop venting still compels us to solve their problems anyway.
I struggled hard with this.
Also happened woth friends, they got upset when I tought about solutions, not even sure why it would be rude to try and help you solve a problem that you just talked to me about.
My dad always did tell me that we only speak of the stuff we need help with, otherwise you are just dumping your stress on everyone else.
I like how real your shorts are. You get on the level of the character with the problem, try to explain another way of thinking, then they learn nothing. To be human.
This will sound crazy.... But instead of telling men to listen to USELESS complaining...
How about we teach women to LOOK FOR A SOLUTION instead of COMPLAINING ABOUT A PROBLEM...
You know... Like a grown up adult, functioning, sane person should!!
Crazy right?
Yes Sir that is completely insane because it requires accountability on their part. Insane!
Best advice for men - stop caring
The worst part about it all is even if the partner plays along and accepts the burden of feeling bad for no reason with no recourse to correct it, they'll eventually respond with "Do you want solutions, or just complaints?" .
A massive blow to both sides since the partner now resents the continuous burden of emotinal baggage, and the "venter" is insulted at best or breaks communication and withdraws at worst.
THANK-YOU!!! I cannot tell you how many times I've had this experience with friends and girlfriends alike...
Protect this woman at all cost!
This dialogue hits it right on the spot. This exactly expresses how I've approached conversations with girlfriends and how they were acting. and reacting.
Exactly. We don't want to be miserable. Men hate having to sit in someone else's bad mood. We would rather fix it or leave.
I once heard someone suggest asking "do you need my help or just my ear?" Haven't had a chance to try it yet but I filed it away in case I need it at some point.
Amazingly accurate.
"You're not miserable because you fix stuff, and I HATE that!"
Tip: Men don't like to be with people who drag them down. Men prefer to be with people who lift each other up. Doesn't matter if the person is male or female.
Love this!! We try to have the best intentions.. Sometimes we fall short and can’t always see the forest through the trees
I never thought about it this deeply, but it's spot on. It's frustrating because it's clear that the goal is to do absolutely nothing about it
It's like if your girl comes at you complaining that the car is acting up, and she just goes on and on and on...and on...and on...about how it makes her feel, and then gets mad at you for wanting to go put an end to the issue.
omfg, give this woman a prize. She nailed it.
All heroes don’t wear capes
This is quickly becoming one of my favorite channels.
So true. And funny how she does not like when shes "vented" on
I frequently tell people that I'll brainstorm possible solutions and get back to them.
It's sheer coincidence that this tactic seems to be ideal for the situation.
Nice!
Thanks for such a beautiful explanation. I've been in such situation and thankfully learned to be aware of this case. I also have a story from not so long ago. I'm a man and I also vent online about my anxiety to some friends, and my female friend started trying to give me "solutions", like "if you're anxious about not completing your ideas, just do something for 5 minutes, you'll either accomplish something or the anxiety will go away", but it doesn't really work most of the time, that's the problem of anxiety disorder (I am medicated and have visited a therapist for this).
Sometimes you just want to tell about your struggle to not feel like in an empty social void.
As a man I genuinely don’t care if a girl vents. If it helps them feel better I’m good with it.
I had to have this explained to me years after a breakup. I couldn't understand why she got mad at me for trying to fix the issue. Don't vent to your guy. Tell him when you are ready to fix the issue.
When I was younger, I would often ask my wife, “do you want me to fix it or just listen?” This avoided lots of misunderstanding. Heck, I can listen if needed.
But it is still important to also listen to someone sometimes
THANK YOU! Someone put it to words, FINALLY!
I feel it's like going to a therapist for your problems and angry they gave you solutions.
True story, and after venting she feels better but he feels crap 😂😂
I've learned a simple question to solve this issue before it even starts. "Do you want a girlfriend or me to solve the problem?"
If they want a girlfriend, I stop listening and just "uh huh yeah, that's terrible so sorry wanna hug?"
What gets me is there always is something for them to “vent about” and if she isn’t happy, nobody is going to be happy!
Men have problems too, but we think of a solution and move on. No need to get all emotional and complain about it for days! No need to stress our wives about it either.
The problem is not the problem, it's how she feels about it. I learned long ago to ask if she wants the problem fixed or if she just wants to vent. Surprisingly, almost always she just wants to vent. Once you get the hang of it, it's pretty easy to just listen and ask a few questions to show you are interested.
Absolutely. If "your man" is six ft tall and making six-figures, he solves problems. Period.
The worse part is when they tell a guy something and expect them to not act upon it, while also expecting them to act upon something when they look at them like they normally do and adjust their hair like they normally do. As if it were an obvious invitation or signal and then complain that the guy chose to NOT do something that would get him into trouble due to the fact that 99.99% of the time it literally mean absolutely nothing.
The only options guys have are to either do nothing and be called dense/oblivious or to do something and either get into a lot of trouble or be labeled whatever derogatory term that person randomly labels that guy as, and the 00.01% that somehow guessed right might get a first, second or third date. The punishment for getting it wrong once is far grater then any possible reward for getting it “right” a thousand time, this is why guys are “dense” and specifically do what you tell them to do.
The Catch 22 of personal relationships:
Don't try to solve my problems!" but also "You're not listening to me describe my problems!"
For each proposed solution, women bring ten problems!
Indeed, and we don't want that negativity because it disrupts our inner peace, which we always instinctually and primally strive to maintain at all costs.
One mindset that has always stuck with me is one I heard from one of these relationship channels. “Do you need to vent or do you need a solution?”
"I wanna get better- slowly."
I've been on both sides. I'm a woman who used to vent, but realized, I was coming home yelling about everything. Was it venting, or being pissed off at the world?
I almost lost my husband over this. He felt like I was yelling at him, and he didn't know why he was being attacked. I realized the problem wasn't with work. The problem was me. I wasn't a happy person.
If I wanted to save my marriage, I needed to change who I was.
It was a long hard road, with lots of bumps. I'd try to have a pleasant conversation, but always go back to complaining about something. The complaining turned into a heated monologue really quickly, and my hubby would leave the room.
I learned that venting is complaining in an aggressive way, and who wants to be yelled at?
I started to find positive things to talk about, and by doing so I found reasons to be happy. That's when I started to grow as a person.
I was then able to replace the negativity inside myself with positive things. I actually changed my way of looking at life.
I also have so much to be grateful for, and happiness just comes so easy now. Needless to say, I don't vent anymore.
Protect this woman at all costs!
Knocked it out of the park again
It is even more frustrating when there is an easy fix that would take less time and energy than having to endure that negativity and self pity.
Sometimes, though, simply listening already goes a long way to solving the problem.
Hurl... is a good word...
NEGATIVE PEOPLE IT’S PAINFUL
I keep seeing this woman on my shorts feed recently and I cant stop thinking how beautiful she is and a plus is her seemingly intelligent.
i learned awhile ago to just always assume it’s venting and provide a listening ear unless i’m asked for advice, seems to work for the most part
Simply spot on!
Such a real comment. I love this girl.
“Sympathy or Solution?”