I find the wording âromanticizing altersâ really funny because we have a lot of intra system romantic relationships so I am literally romancing my alters đ I love my husband and I will NOT stop romanticizing him thanks đ
But like seriously, alters arenât always a bad thing even if they are a response to a bad situation. I love my headmates, they help me a lot, and itâs impossible to get rid of them, so just let us be happy that we exist the way we do. Because itâs not like we have the option of existing any other way, we want to make the best of it. And people online telling us we are âromanticizingâ ourselves, just because we exist and we donât hate each other? Really not cool, and absolutely not helping.
Makes a lot of sense that to romanticize an illness you have, is part of coping and seeing the good sides, instead just the negative and be depressed all the time. Donât get, why that should be forbidden and it offends people. Some as celebrating your diagnosis birthday, like com on, now one whatâs to have an illness, people celebrate that they finally, know what illness they have and how long they survived with it and for far they came in life.
this is so true and and itâs so freeing to see this unapologetic positivity, because why should we have to apologize? thank you, diagnosis birthdays are such a fun idea- I know when we get diagnosed on September 13th, but I wish we knew the exact day we found out. - L
I am in full agreement with you. The bigger issue than a system âromanticizingâ their own disability is people without that disability deciding how weâre allowed to discuss it. Itâs wild for them to do that. It always happens, but itâs still wild.
People forget there's space for all kinds of people on the imternet, one person who who loves to only talk about the good parts (in a non educational context) isn't denying the bad parts necessarily, there's plenty others providing education and different perspectives on the same topic. that's how communities work
I was going to type out a really long eloquent comment, but WOW I could not agree more and I feel so seen. I've been mulling over in my head if I could flip a switch and not be autistic or not have DID and I've decided I wouldn't. 1) Who would I even be? 2) The connections between alters in our system are the closest thing we have to family right now 3) the high from a hyperfixation is just amazing 4) DID makes us more functional because I could not reasonably deal with my life by myself, etcetera, even for all the problems it gives me. I think people don't recognize the difference between romanticization, exploring the positives of an experience, and community. I know especially with my autistic friends we joke about how weird neurotypicals are, and we say things in response to complements like "yeah... that's because I have autism!" We know how hard it is being autistic, but sometimes it's just fun to have community that way.
i think that people should have ability to show how their life looks . if they are making claims that are not true about some knowlage ( not their expirience) they should be informed that they are telling is bs . and only people who spread missinformiation for malicious purposes ( for example they try to sell some untested medicaments/ other therapies) should be blocked . ( im a singlet if someone asks and its opinion not only on systems but also on LGBT creators, dissabled creators, etc.)
wow. wow - you did it again. i've had a hard week, and keep forgetting that the events that the events that happen are real; when memories come up and it's another's. I put on the computer and see your video and another that i want to see. The other one will be quite different, but i will enjoy it and get some good from it as well. You have such a wonderful ummm - voice of reason and compassion. Thankyou so much for being here, and i really like what you said. Particularly the thing about differnt systems getting by by doing differnt things - i don't do make up - but if the fibromyalgia pain would F off for an hour i'd paint the entire kitchen -you know? like i mean a forest scene with birds and stuff.
My two cents on this is that people online dont owe you their sadness. No one does actually but like youre 100% right, systems have gone through enough they dont need to prove their pain to anyone. And especially on the internet, the most 'successful' (regarding popularity and money) internet careers are usually chanels that feature a lot of comdedy and uplifting/wholesome content, but real life isnt like that all the time. The internet is where a lot of systems come to escape their irl and find joy, and so there are a number of systems out there who make channels just for fun and entertainment and they happen to have DID. Those pople dont owe anyone on the internet their private moments of pain just because their channel is alter-focused or they find their joy through their system, and they also deserve to make enough money to make a living from their content which is harder to do when you only show the sadness or anger or pain. It is a tough line to walk, to know that you dont HAVE to educate singlets all the time but that if you dont then it could cause some pretty major misunderstandings. Its hard to know when to be genuinely yourselves and where you need to put one million disclaimers that make the video feel like some gross sponsored segment just to cover yourself from strangers potential misunderstanding. But i do think people need to be kinder about it, or at least more assertive that this is their experience and no one elses and that everyones is different. I think some people feel like it is romanticising because they think its soo radical that its basically impossible so that any small amount of self love systems show themselves on camera is seen as being romanticised when theyre just straight up existing. Thats just my observations though is that its usually the singlets who dont 'get it' and think its too unreal to be real, that are the ones that think its romanticising because (if)when they do their own research they see trauma based research first/only and think its impossible for anyone that traumatized to be happy at all. And thats where a lot of the fakeclaiming comes in too i think, not all of it i know theres system discourse within the community too but i think a big part of it is people who only learn about the trauma aspects and the fanciful aspects (e.g. fictives or nonhumans) and then expect traumatic responses 100% of the time forever and cant comprehend that systems can grow and find happiness, and that sometimes that happiness comes from the system itself. Idk if any of this made sense but my takeaway is as it is for life generally: if its not hurting anyone, let them be. If it bugs you, this is the internet you can just leave the video or chanel and not comment mean things and find something else to watch thats more up your alley, the creator doesnt need or want your negativity on their video. And system creators deserve to find joy in their system, after all it is what saved them, and in sharing the parts of the sys that theyre comfortable with without becoming sadness pron for internet creeps to make themselves feel better with. Let people exist in peace and love the way they exist even if its different from your existance, thats the end of it to me. *(also i wanted to clarify this is the Royal You, there were just a few times it felt a bit direct and mean but im using the general You)
so well put!! though itâs not the main point of what you wrote, iâm glad you mentioned the money thing. I havenât gotten paid from youtube yet, but people really demonize the few systems online who actually make money, for wanting money. people have jobs! itâs true! people want to get paid from their job, and sometimes as a creator, that means advertising your content in certain ways. on top of the fact that no one owes you their sadness, sadness doesnât attract as much viewership as positivity does. and positivity feels better. some singlets (and systems!) are curious and want to know what their switching looks like and what their nonhuman alter talks like, and if a system needs to pay their bills, i think thatâs fine! - L
Well said. There are DID Systems who are creating this pressure as well. They are saying that if you don't share every detail of your life, your medical history, and your therapy history that you're spreading "misinformation." This is leading the online bullies to fakeclaim anyone who wants to maintain any semblance of privacy. It is so incredibly harmful and toxic to trauma survivors to pressure them to betray their own boundaries. That's what caused most systems' trauma - having their boundaries violated and disrespected. And yet, there are DID Systems leading the charge in fakedisordercringe, pressuring others to betray their own boundaries. It's sickening, in our opinion.
also i consider what people are saying to be thruth untill proven otherwise ( if its not obvious lie) only place where what people are saying is lie untill proven otherwise are ban appeals
As a newly discovered system, we're so happy to have found you. It's interesting cos everything that's difficult can benefit from romanticising just as a coping mechanism, but I've also noticed that if we describe our romanticised view of our disabilities too much to others, people often take it as us not struggling at all. It's a bizarre thing to balance, really appreciate your take on it. Deeply relate to being sceptical about being plural most of the time. What a mood! -Vari
we'd love to hear more about how not focusing on separation helps you and your system. For us separation has really helped identify things that trigger our sensory issues and just made us better writers as a group bc of the leaning into streangnths and other modes of literature. From a healing standpoint we only really got the host to see us as actual beings when we were acknowledged as separate and we were able to integrate and fuse a large portion of us who had our own developed personalities & hobbies. Being able to get to know each other because of separation made us like each other better making communication easier to the point of becoming one (I hope that makes sense) We're a fairly big system for our own reasons and the separation between us was a way of acting neurotypical so getting to know each other is getting to know the self. (like each part holds a little of who we would be if we hadn't formed with dissociative barriers and we have to retrieve each piece).
iâve thought about this, and i think the times we have been most close is when we are more separate and i tried to conceptualize it as completely different people. when if first discovered my DID, i maybe embraced that a little more. then i got older and felt pressure to be more in the adult world. i sort of thought of them more scientifically after that, and it âlost its magicâ. switching became something that had to happen instead of something that was more meaningful. since filming this, weâve started trying to talk more and write about ourselves more and our different feelings and thoughts. trying to get into system tracking/communication apps as well. - L
Loved this and love all your systems videos! Your tone is always great in your videos imo, itâs why I watch them. So the interjects were fun to listen to of course, but werenât necessary. Sometimes the passion and excitement is what we want to see ! Anyway, I have no idea if any of that made sense but basically I mean to say this was another great video from your unique perspective. Thanks for sharing L!
just a side note - people who are 100% nonverbal / constantly cannot speak have politely asked that speaking autistics dont refer to it as "going nonverbal", but rather as "speech loss" or similar things!! just letting you know, as someone with level 2 autism :3
I am absolutely FUCKED up right now with CZcams relinquishing my replies. Well, not sure if I have DID! I have been typing a reply to this video for hours so I am trying to go forth and say hi. Been deleting and rewriting messages for hours here.
Thank you for this video. You discuss several factors and we agree with pretty much everything you said. Criticism from non-systems about how systems "should" exist is harmful. Anecdotal stories by non-systems about "I know one person with (disorder) and they don't act that way" are just that - anecdotal. They are not experts. Their opinion is observational at best. The general rule we have started following is: "Don't accept criticism from those whose advice you would not seek." The misinformation comes from many directions. The source of misinformation that we find most troubling is fakedisordercringe.
I mean, does your superfocus apply to your system? (There are a lot of points that his are making in this video, a lot of things to relate to.) Pausing this video a lot just because of insane reflectiveness but also autism. This along with a DID alter (or two or three) does seem natural This video does present A LOT, I will post this and continue watching the rest of the vid (again! There is a lot of content, you go!
I just found you because ive been researching how and why i have had the feeling of mot being real since i tried Marijuana literally 30 years ago at age 18 and ive never been the same since and i never smoked pot again. Any thoughts? I appreciate ypur channel â€
Is it romanticization? or just being pleased with good qualities. I have alters who speak differently languages, can write left handed, Iâm an objective clairvoyant. Im an artist I sing opera. Im not just a big ball of trauma with legs! Iâm allowed to appreciate the skills. I still have trauma but Iâm high functioning. I feel like some systems just get angry if theyâre not high functioning and lash out. But if the DID is DIDing then most systems are higher functioning until they get older and completely overloaded with stress then the wheels come off. People can also romanticize suffering and their pain to make their DID seem more legit but the facts are different systems have different levels of functioning. Itâs not a sick contest.
... I would recommend autism. Everyone should get one. Society would be better (for us) if everyone had autism đ Honestly though, I don't thing being autistic is intrinsically that much harder than being neurotypical. In that regard, I subscribe to the social model of disability. There are just far too much people who are jerks and don't want to bother being polite or accomodating to others. And with systems, there's a similar problem of singlets who try to invalidate and 'fake claim' systems, because those singlets can't manage to be polite, and the thought of having to accomodate and make allowances for systems isn't something they are willing to entertain. And the majority pressure of unaccomodating singlets then frightens (and further traumatizes) some traumagenic systems into perpetuating the 'gatekeeping'. But it's not those system's fault that they are forced to live in an ableist, unaccomodating world that pushes them into trigger responses. (And that is not even to mention that endogenic plural folks also exist on the internet, and their experience with plurality may be in some ways inherently different from a did/osdd system, but their content can accidentally overlap into did/osdd spaces and trigger trauma responses for some systems there. Makes me wonder if a push for clearer disclaimers in endogenic plurality content would be a good idea, or if it would just perpetuate the othering between plurality communities... well, this is all really just my autism brain going down a thought spiral rollercoaster đ”âđ«) anyway. This is a good and important video. Thank you for making it
hi i hope this isnât too much of a mess, i made the first introjection, and then the second one later and forgot everything i said in the first lol
I find the wording âromanticizing altersâ really funny because we have a lot of intra system romantic relationships so I am literally romancing my alters đ
I love my husband and I will NOT stop romanticizing him thanks đ
awww i love that!
But like seriously, alters arenât always a bad thing even if they are a response to a bad situation. I love my headmates, they help me a lot, and itâs impossible to get rid of them, so just let us be happy that we exist the way we do. Because itâs not like we have the option of existing any other way, we want to make the best of it. And people online telling us we are âromanticizingâ ourselves, just because we exist and we donât hate each other? Really not cool, and absolutely not helping.
Makes a lot of sense that to romanticize an illness you have, is part of coping and seeing the good sides, instead just the negative and be depressed all the time. Donât get, why that should be forbidden and it offends people. Some as celebrating your diagnosis birthday, like com on, now one whatâs to have an illness, people celebrate that they finally, know what illness they have and how long they survived with it and for far they came in life.
this is so true and and itâs so freeing to see this unapologetic positivity, because why should we have to apologize? thank you, diagnosis birthdays are such a fun idea- I know when we get diagnosed on September 13th, but I wish we knew the exact day we found out. - L
"Lovecraftian horrors beyond our comprehension." is such a fantastic image. Thank you for it!
I am in full agreement with you. The bigger issue than a system âromanticizingâ their own disability is people without that disability deciding how weâre allowed to discuss it. Itâs wild for them to do that. It always happens, but itâs still wild.
i agree, there's so much ableism in the OSDDID community and it's insane. like just let people exist online as long as they aren't hurting anyone đ
People forget there's space for all kinds of people on the imternet, one person who who loves to only talk about the good parts (in a non educational context) isn't denying the bad parts necessarily, there's plenty others providing education and different perspectives on the same topic. that's how communities work
I was going to type out a really long eloquent comment, but WOW I could not agree more and I feel so seen. I've been mulling over in my head if I could flip a switch and not be autistic or not have DID and I've decided I wouldn't. 1) Who would I even be? 2) The connections between alters in our system are the closest thing we have to family right now 3) the high from a hyperfixation is just amazing 4) DID makes us more functional because I could not reasonably deal with my life by myself, etcetera, even for all the problems it gives me.
I think people don't recognize the difference between romanticization, exploring the positives of an experience, and community. I know especially with my autistic friends we joke about how weird neurotypicals are, and we say things in response to complements like "yeah... that's because I have autism!" We know how hard it is being autistic, but sometimes it's just fun to have community that way.
i think that people should have ability to show how their life looks . if they are making claims that are not true about some knowlage ( not their expirience) they should be informed that they are telling is bs . and only people who spread missinformiation for malicious purposes ( for example they try to sell some untested medicaments/ other therapies) should be blocked . ( im a singlet if someone asks and its opinion not only on systems but also on LGBT creators, dissabled creators, etc.)
wow. wow - you did it again. i've had a hard week, and keep forgetting that the events that the events that happen are real; when memories come up and it's another's. I put on the computer and see your video and another that i want to see. The other one will be quite different, but i will enjoy it and get some good from it as well. You have such a wonderful ummm - voice of reason and compassion. Thankyou so much for being here, and i really like what you said. Particularly the thing about differnt systems getting by by doing differnt things - i don't do make up - but if the fibromyalgia pain would F off for an hour i'd paint the entire kitchen -you know? like i mean a forest scene with birds and stuff.
My two cents on this is that people online dont owe you their sadness. No one does actually but like youre 100% right, systems have gone through enough they dont need to prove their pain to anyone. And especially on the internet, the most 'successful' (regarding popularity and money) internet careers are usually chanels that feature a lot of comdedy and uplifting/wholesome content, but real life isnt like that all the time. The internet is where a lot of systems come to escape their irl and find joy, and so there are a number of systems out there who make channels just for fun and entertainment and they happen to have DID. Those pople dont owe anyone on the internet their private moments of pain just because their channel is alter-focused or they find their joy through their system, and they also deserve to make enough money to make a living from their content which is harder to do when you only show the sadness or anger or pain.
It is a tough line to walk, to know that you dont HAVE to educate singlets all the time but that if you dont then it could cause some pretty major misunderstandings. Its hard to know when to be genuinely yourselves and where you need to put one million disclaimers that make the video feel like some gross sponsored segment just to cover yourself from strangers potential misunderstanding. But i do think people need to be kinder about it, or at least more assertive that this is their experience and no one elses and that everyones is different.
I think some people feel like it is romanticising because they think its soo radical that its basically impossible so that any small amount of self love systems show themselves on camera is seen as being romanticised when theyre just straight up existing. Thats just my observations though is that its usually the singlets who dont 'get it' and think its too unreal to be real, that are the ones that think its romanticising because (if)when they do their own research they see trauma based research first/only and think its impossible for anyone that traumatized to be happy at all. And thats where a lot of the fakeclaiming comes in too i think, not all of it i know theres system discourse within the community too but i think a big part of it is people who only learn about the trauma aspects and the fanciful aspects (e.g. fictives or nonhumans) and then expect traumatic responses 100% of the time forever and cant comprehend that systems can grow and find happiness, and that sometimes that happiness comes from the system itself.
Idk if any of this made sense but my takeaway is as it is for life generally: if its not hurting anyone, let them be. If it bugs you, this is the internet you can just leave the video or chanel and not comment mean things and find something else to watch thats more up your alley, the creator doesnt need or want your negativity on their video. And system creators deserve to find joy in their system, after all it is what saved them, and in sharing the parts of the sys that theyre comfortable with without becoming sadness pron for internet creeps to make themselves feel better with. Let people exist in peace and love the way they exist even if its different from your existance, thats the end of it to me.
*(also i wanted to clarify this is the Royal You, there were just a few times it felt a bit direct and mean but im using the general You)
so well put!! though itâs not the main point of what you wrote, iâm glad you mentioned the money thing. I havenât gotten paid from youtube yet, but people really demonize the few systems online who actually make money, for wanting money. people have jobs! itâs true! people want to get paid from their job, and sometimes as a creator, that means advertising your content in certain ways. on top of the fact that no one owes you their sadness, sadness doesnât attract as much viewership as positivity does. and positivity feels better.
some singlets (and systems!) are curious and want to know what their switching looks like and what their nonhuman alter talks like, and if a system needs to pay their bills, i think thatâs fine!
- L
Well said. There are DID Systems who are creating this pressure as well. They are saying that if you don't share every detail of your life, your medical history, and your therapy history that you're spreading "misinformation." This is leading the online bullies to fakeclaim anyone who wants to maintain any semblance of privacy. It is so incredibly harmful and toxic to trauma survivors to pressure them to betray their own boundaries. That's what caused most systems' trauma - having their boundaries violated and disrespected. And yet, there are DID Systems leading the charge in fakedisordercringe, pressuring others to betray their own boundaries. It's sickening, in our opinion.
also i consider what people are saying to be thruth untill proven otherwise ( if its not obvious lie) only place where what people are saying is lie untill proven otherwise are ban appeals
As a newly discovered system, we're so happy to have found you. It's interesting cos everything that's difficult can benefit from romanticising just as a coping mechanism, but I've also noticed that if we describe our romanticised view of our disabilities too much to others, people often take it as us not struggling at all. It's a bizarre thing to balance, really appreciate your take on it. Deeply relate to being sceptical about being plural most of the time. What a mood! -Vari
Your tone makes sense and I didn't think it was intense at all, just honest. You make great videos!
The tomato alter is one of a kind.. I would love one!
(Btw I wanna say this ahead of time this is a joke, if you canât take one donât reply)
we'd love to hear more about how not focusing on separation helps you and your system.
For us separation has really helped identify things that trigger our sensory issues and just made us better writers as a group bc of the leaning into streangnths and other modes of literature. From a healing standpoint we only really got the host to see us as actual beings when we were acknowledged as separate and we were able to integrate and fuse a large portion of us who had our own developed personalities & hobbies. Being able to get to know each other because of separation made us like each other better making communication easier to the point of becoming one (I hope that makes sense)
We're a fairly big system for our own reasons and the separation between us was a way of acting neurotypical so getting to know each other is getting to know the self. (like each part holds a little of who we would be if we hadn't formed with dissociative barriers and we have to retrieve each piece).
also i love the video that's just not something ive heard a ton about
iâve thought about this, and i think the times we have been most close is when we are more separate and i tried to conceptualize it as completely different people. when if first discovered my DID, i maybe embraced that a little more. then i got older and felt pressure to be more in the adult world. i sort of thought of them more scientifically after that, and it âlost its magicâ. switching became something that had to happen instead of something that was more meaningful. since filming this, weâve started trying to talk more and write about ourselves more and our different feelings and thoughts. trying to get into system tracking/communication apps as well. - L
Loved this and love all your systems videos! Your tone is always great in your videos imo, itâs why I watch them. So the interjects were fun to listen to of course, but werenât necessary. Sometimes the passion and excitement is what we want to see ! Anyway, I have no idea if any of that made sense but basically I mean to say this was another great video from your unique perspective. Thanks for sharing L!
so kind, thank you so much!
just a side note - people who are 100% nonverbal / constantly cannot speak have politely asked that speaking autistics dont refer to it as "going nonverbal", but rather as "speech loss" or similar things!! just letting you know, as someone with level 2 autism :3
I am absolutely FUCKED up right now with CZcams relinquishing my replies. Well, not sure if I have DID! I have been typing a reply to this video for hours so I am trying to go forth and say hi. Been deleting and rewriting messages for hours here.
hello!
I can understand abrasion between alters. The post-audio audio notes were so bad (as in good)
Thank you for this video. You discuss several factors and we agree with pretty much everything you said.
Criticism from non-systems about how systems "should" exist is harmful.
Anecdotal stories by non-systems about "I know one person with (disorder) and they don't act that way" are just that - anecdotal. They are not experts. Their opinion is observational at best.
The general rule we have started following is: "Don't accept criticism from those whose advice you would not seek."
The misinformation comes from many directions. The source of misinformation that we find most troubling is fakedisordercringe.
I mean, does your superfocus apply to your system? (There are a lot of points that his are making in this video, a lot of things to relate to.)
Pausing this video a lot just because of insane reflectiveness but also autism. This along with a DID alter (or two or three) does seem natural
This video does present A LOT, I will post this and continue watching the rest of the vid (again! There is a lot of content, you go!
I just found you because ive been researching how and why i have had the feeling of mot being real since i tried Marijuana literally 30 years ago at age 18 and ive never been the same since and i never smoked pot again. Any thoughts? I appreciate ypur channel â€
Is it romanticization? or just being pleased with good qualities. I have alters who speak differently languages, can write left handed, Iâm an objective clairvoyant. Im an artist I sing opera. Im not just a big ball of trauma with legs! Iâm allowed to appreciate the skills. I still have trauma but Iâm high functioning. I feel like some systems just get angry if theyâre not high functioning and lash out. But if the DID is DIDing then most systems are higher functioning until they get older and completely overloaded with stress then the wheels come off. People can also romanticize suffering and their pain to make their DID seem more legit but the facts are different systems have different levels of functioning. Itâs not a sick contest.
... I would recommend autism. Everyone should get one. Society would be better (for us) if everyone had autism đ
Honestly though, I don't thing being autistic is intrinsically that much harder than being neurotypical. In that regard, I subscribe to the social model of disability. There are just far too much people who are jerks and don't want to bother being polite or accomodating to others.
And with systems, there's a similar problem of singlets who try to invalidate and 'fake claim' systems, because those singlets can't manage to be polite, and the thought of having to accomodate and make allowances for systems isn't something they are willing to entertain. And the majority pressure of unaccomodating singlets then frightens (and further traumatizes) some traumagenic systems into perpetuating the 'gatekeeping'. But it's not those system's fault that they are forced to live in an ableist, unaccomodating world that pushes them into trigger responses.
(And that is not even to mention that endogenic plural folks also exist on the internet, and their experience with plurality may be in some ways inherently different from a did/osdd system, but their content can accidentally overlap into did/osdd spaces and trigger trauma responses for some systems there. Makes me wonder if a push for clearer disclaimers in endogenic plurality content would be a good idea, or if it would just perpetuate the othering between plurality communities... well, this is all really just my autism brain going down a thought spiral rollercoaster đ”âđ«)
anyway. This is a good and important video. Thank you for making it
I loved reading your comment!