An Atheist Reflects on Growing up as a Missionary Kid
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
- #atheist #exevangelical #missionarykid
Chapters:
00:00:00 Intro
05:06:05 Bandung
09:03:11 Wamena
14:36:18 Sentani
28:45:04 Conclusion
In today’s video, I’m doing something I rarely do on my channel … talk about myself. Most of my subscribers probably don’t know this, but I grew up as a missionary kid in Indonesia. I wouldn’t change how I grew up, but there were a lot of things that I went through as an MK, things that most MKs go through, that aren’t widely talked about. Today, I’m going to be reflecting on my life as an MK through an ex-evangelical, atheist lens. Hope you enjoy!
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After deconstructing I can see mission work for what it truly is. It's modern day colonialism. As Christians we believed we were better than them. We went in with the intention to erase their beliefs and culture. The sad thing is we were blind to the damage we were causing. We genuinely believed we were helping. I look back on some of my experiences with a level of shame. I feel bad for teaching them what sin was and then telling them they were sinners. I was teaching them that their culture was bad. I know that at the time I truly believed I was sharing God's love with them but that doesn't make it right.
I feel the same way about my Mormon mission in Paraguay. No wonder the peace corps volunteers were never thrilled to see us in the same small towns! It hurts to think of the family conflict and personal conflict unnecessarily created in the name of "superior" beliefs.
I don't know your personal experiences, but it seems a little cynical to me to equate sharing the gospel with "erasing culture".
It seems to imply that they aren't smart enough to think for themselves and will automatically just accept these beliefs upon hearing about them, even if their own culture was more important to them. I mean, your life isn't necessarily turned upsidedown when you learn about some Hindu philosophy or way of life, so I don't see why you should expect them to be "colonized" by the equivelant.
I know you don't mean to be condescending, but have you considered that you are possibly projecting your own experiences with your upbringing onto these people?
@@andrewprahst2529 I see what you're trying to say, but I think you're missing a key aspect of missionary work. Proselytizing often finds success in the more vulnerable parts of a community, and that's exactly why missions focus their efforts there. The people who end up converting are seeking a sense of community, trying to improve their economic situation, grieving a loss, looking for basic needs like food and health care, or are too young to see the manipulation for what it is. You are correct in that plenty of people who come into contact with missionaries choose to keep their own way of life. But the INTENT of missionaries is not simply to inform. It is to convert. And conversion does require giving up your previous cultural practices and beliefs and conforming to a new set of beliefs and practices. That's fine if it's done openly and honestly, but that is rarely the case. Missionaries use love bombing and other tactics to draw in vulnerable people. I've seen it done, I've even done it, and it's not an occasional exception, it is the norm
@@rachelhouldridge9191 well said, thoughtful and perceptive comment!
@@thevulture5750 a) secularists do not "oppose Christ", they simply do not find sufficient evidence to believe in the system which bears his name. b) "colonialism" is a complex phenomenon which, in the use employed here implies the overriding of beliefs and cultures in favour of the implanting or imposition of others. It also includes what Edward Said famously called "Orientalism", the patronising of "native" cultures as "exotic" but intrinsically inferior. These colonialist attitudes cannot be attributed to those who find religious arguments fallacious, or who seek to remedy the harms of their actual administration.
Another MK here 🙋🏾♀ my parents are international missionaries so we didn’t move to one country, we were constantly moving wherever God “told us.” One summer we moved 7 times lol I understand completely when you say it’s soooo rare to find someone who’s experienced that, all I have is my little sister, we are the only two who have left the church and, let me tell you - the darkest feeling is finding out all you lived for and believed in was a lie and that you pulled others into it with you. When I tell people about my life they think it’s incredible, so much travel, different languages, etc and that part is true, but it’s so hard to explain how hard it is to deconstruct a whole belief system you had no choice in having. I’m so much happier now, even though my loved ones think I’m going to hell. Thank you for this video ❤
I can imagine how hard that was moving all over the world! I'm glad to hear you're doing well!
Much support and cohuman love your way.
Left an evangelical cult and really believed in that stuff. Not the same but I relate to the guilt of trying to convert people now that I realise what indoctrination I was in. Even back then I felt uncomfortable bothering people though I would just write that off as cowardice and "the flesh" being afraid of "sacrificing" myself and my "pride" for others' "salvation".
God told your family directly you mean? You aren't told where to go by an organization like the CMA?
I didn't know there were virtuoso missionaries in other countries like that
@@andrewprahst2529 yep, we’d all sit down as a family and pray about where to go next. My parents esp my dad would often say he felt like God was calling us to a certain place [insert country] and we’d pray for confirmation. I was young and just wanted to please them and remember lying one time that I had a dream about flying to this country. I got so much praise for listening to God. It ended up being one of the most traumatic moves of my life.
Back when I was a Christian, I remember going to a women's conference and hearing women speak about being in the mission field. One lass had been born in Australia and moved with her missionary parents and older brothers to Pakistan. She was 5 when they went. She talked mostly positively about the experience but I remember her talking about how her brothers were allowed to do loads of stuff and she couldn't, simply because she's female. She talked about when she finally returned to Australia for university. She lived with her grandparents, her parents still in Pakistan. She looked quite nervous and laughed about having the realisation that at 19, she'd never crossed the street alone. Pre-mission she had been too young, and on mission she wasn't allowed to go anywhere without a chaperone. I was deeply horrified at this. After going through 15+years in therapy for my own trauma and stuff, I look back at her testimony and I can understand what horrified me. She was playing it of like "oh this is so funny" when her body language was screaming "I am traumatised by this". I honestly wonder how she managed her university years and doing just everyday things alone. I hope she's okay. (This was more than 20 years ago and I still think of her sometimes)
Wow! Imagine if a girl lived her entire life in Pakistan! Good thing that has never happened
@@andrewprahst2529 that’s not the point of this comment. The point is that parents coming from a country with a culture of equality and women’s right WILLINGLY brought their young daughter in a country with extreme misogyny, inequalities and violence against women and raised her there until her young adulthood. Spreading the word of god was more important to them than the well-being and safety of their own child (well children, the boys probably didn’t get out of there as well adjusted adults either)
That, by the way, was her parents' choice. I spent some months in Pakistan as a very young woman (early 20ies), and yes, I regularly crossed the street alone or with a female friend of the same age, not to mention going sight-seeing.
@@andreaweber8059 I find your replies very smug and dismissive. So if you had one experience, someone else having a different one must be made up? You having lived in Pakistan should know how rural life is different from villages. The person she refers to shared an experience she had years ago, before you had yours.
I went to an evangelical college and contemplated becoming a missionary for many years. Now the thought of bombarding other cultures with foreign religious ideology makes me shudder. Also, most likely I would've brought a family into that scenario as well. I am so happy that I left christianity before I created such an unfair situation for a child. In fact, I'm glad that I left christianity before they guilted me into marriage and family, because as time went by I realized that I never wanted to bring a child into this world, period. So much harm was prevented by walking away...
I also almost became a missionary. I met my husband in Bible College and both left the church 5 years for him and 7 years later for me. I am so glad I didn't end up going. Just sucks that I'm left with wasted education.
@@cocobear285 I fully understand the regret of having a degree from a christian college. But I'm glad that you and your husband had each other when you went through the process of leaving the church. It's such a tough thing to go through, but I'm sure you both found comfort in each other during that time.
it is not bombarding a foreign ideology to a different culture. The whole idea of taking part in missionary is to give good news aka the gospel to the people who have not heard it(gospel being we being inners and deserving death for our deeds have a saviour who bore our sin and shame to give us what he deserves and to make us alive again). This just shows how majority of so called Christians do not know what they believe ofcourse people are gonna leave it later
I'm East African and a missionary to the Arab world why do Americans think that they are the only missionaries 😂
And you guys definitely don't know how missionary work has influenced the World in my country missionaries build schools and bettered the education system
Jesus called us to teach and preach the gospel and the gospel isn't an American culture it's a middle eastern culture
I'm currently in bible college and have similar thoughts on mission trips. I also fear bringing life into this dying world, particularly with climate change.
I’m so glad you were able to share this. I was raised in a conservative Christian family and wanted to become a missionary and did a few trips. I wanted to do something practical so I went to school and from them started deconstructing my faith. Yes, share more stories. You can also talk about how mission work can be harmful to other cultures. I went on a secular trip to Peru and the tribe talked about the damage done from Christian missionaries infiltrating their culture.
Colonization heave ho!
Wow I've always wondered what those cultures that DID NOT want the missionaries or their faith felt.
Completely false, evangelical missionaries have done much good in Peru---spiritually and practically which of course is why approx 20% of the country is now evangelical.
That person talked about one specific tribe, so it obviously wasn't "completely false" for that tribe. It's not a great look to be so defensive and dismissive of one tribes experience.
@@Pippa87
Whataboutisms are a simplistic and rather ineffective way of critiquing something. You should know this Pippa.
What matters is the net effect, which in the case of missionaries in Peru has been extremely beneficial. Thousands of hospitals, schools and orphanages benefiting directly and indirectly millions of people.
Furthermore no evidence was presented only a vague reference to some tribe, again an overall weak and unjustified attack on evangelical missionaries rooted primarily in ideological reason, not reality.
God, the attitude that certain personalities are "more christlike" really hits home. I despised every church camp, youth group, vacation bible school, and rally that I every went to. I was oversimulated, anxious, and miserable. I never really got "on fire for jesus" because I was too focused on not freaking out. I almost cried on some guy's porch when I was forced to go soul winning. You realize how culty it is in retrospect when it's obvious you were just fundamentally wrong for what they wanted from you. Thanks for telling your story.
felt this. i started questioning the church when the "inclusive, loving, and accepting" church i went to treated me way different from the other students. it's pretty obvious it was because i was gay, androgynous, fat, and autistic, but they never gave me an answer, because other kids in the youth group were accepted and loved instantly upon joining. they were all pretty close with each other, they were all friends and had sleepovers and such, but not me. i was invited to sleepovers because my parents insisted it to their parents, and i was constantly looked at funny and nobody ever directly talked to me. i knew i stuck out like a sore thumb in church because i wasn't a cis straight wasp teenager, and everyone treated me as "that one kid." so much for all of God's people
Did you ever get your soulwinning game up? Didn't take me that long as long as you believe in the mission God gave us.
@@thebesttheworldhastoofferchann I never was able to have a full conversation with anyone whilst soul-winning. Apparently my social anxiety was significantly stronger than the Holy Spirit. I stopped getting invitations to go with the groups. They got sick of dealing with me.
@@probably_not_jim Well either try to improve or find another way to serve God. There are many ways but direct advocacy for the faith I think is the most important so I would encourage anybody who is willing.
@@thebesttheworldhastoofferchann I don’t think that advice is helpful or needed here. No one should be forced into doing something they are not comfortable with.
I am also an MK turned agnostic atheist and I am really glad you decided to make this video. I was born on the mission field but we had a weird gap in missionary work right around puberty for like 4 years where my parents thought they were done being missionaries but ended up going back so I relate to the extra stain that a big transition adds to an already challenging time of changes. We did end up going back to the same country and since so much of my life was spent there it does feel like home and there are really good aspects of the experiences being an MK gave me. But I really appreciate that you wanted to share the difficulties and struggles of the standards MKs are held to and just how the strain of transitions and instability really impact us.
Where did your parents choose to be missionaries?
@@Honey_Daddy in Ecuador
@@kaitlynrains5606 oh wow, that must have been something else. Did you end up settling down there or back in the states?
@@Honey_Daddy I am in the states now just because job opportunities are rough there right now and living with my parents isn’t an option give that my relationship with them is strained right now. But it is beautiful down there and the food is delicious.
@@kaitlynrains5606 I'm sorry to hear that. Would you prefer to live down there if it were an option? Sorry about all of the questions, but I'm very intrigued with how an American raised in a developing country sees the US vs said other country, preferences, etc.
I grew up as a fundie church kid (thankfully not PK or MK), and the pressure/shame I felt because I couldn't be the outgoing beacon for Christ was so suffocating. Literally heard sermons on how being introverted/having social anxiety is a sin, and you're actually ashamed of God if you suffer from it. I'm slowly peeling away the layers of shame I was subjected to for years, and your and GMSkeptic's videos have really helped with that! So thanks!
I'm so sorry that you were criticized for being an introvert. Introvert is sin makes me angry. I'm glad you are moving on, best wishes.
I remember hearing a sermon once where the pastor told a story about his shy (like middle school age or less) daughter being too shy to go greet strangers. He said "She's not shy, she's rude!" Messed up.
@@lentilbonanza4163 the public shaming from the pulpit should be considered child abuse
@@lentilbonanza4163 yeesh. I'd rather my daughter be "rude" than get molested.
Holy moly I feel your pain. Not a fundie kid or missionary but the shame around not being an obnoxious enough christian made me feel unworthy of god's love. Thing is, I should have just loved myself
My aunt and uncle were missionaries in Kenya for several years, and all three of their kids are agnostic /atheist as adults. My aunt worked for FOTF when they got back. While I'm not a MK, I do know the feeling of EVERYONE you knew in childhood suddenly being completely different than you, because you've moved on religiously and they haven't. Almost everyone I was once close to is at the very least, a mainstream Christian. It's surreal being on the outside looking in.
Wow, quite a story! I'm glad you survived that experience. Living a "perfect role-model life" is so destructive and exhausting. I don't miss any of that at all.
@@sammur1977 What's wrong with living on how I feel, as long as I'm not causing harm to anybody? I have found such a living to be most liberating and quite satisfying.
What is so destructive about the perfect role-model life? What's destructive about about keeping Gods commandments? That you shall not lie? Is that exhausting to you? And if it is, what does that tell me about you? Is loving your neighbor as yourself destructive as well? Why are you angry at those laws? It's because those laws are good... and we're not. We love to sin. Is God a tyrant because he said I made these laws for you and they are good laws, so that you might live? Don't you see that the root cause of every single problem and every issue on earth is sin, which is the same as ignoring the commandments? If you say, "what's wrong with living how I feel, as long as I don't harm anybody", do you realize that billions of people say the same thing and yet we have non-stop wars, abortions, prostitution, drunkards... etc.? See we actually DON'T know what harms others or ourselves when we act self-righteous... we actually don't, prove me wrong.
@@simonvh7836stop being purposely dense. You're in a cult.
I moved to Myanmar when I was 10 and move around SouthEast Asia throughout highschool and I relate so much to your experience. I had also had a bible teacher who fixated on celibacy. He had us read a passage about how sex ruins women, and write an essay response. I wrote my essay about why I was a feminist. I got a D.
Your analysis made me realize so much about how I’ve been influenced by my upbringing. So much shame and anxiety is deeply engrained since childhood.
oh yes- shame and anxiety- that's exactly what I identified as I am working on my upcoming video ' reversing the missionary position' - interesting how the effects are similar, even though the details of our stories differ!
PK here. Every time I hear another story, it helps my heart heal a little more.
Echoing everyone else who was a ministry kid here in the comments section, thank you for sharing your story. It means more than we can say.
I was raised in the Christian and Missionary Alliance, my dad was a pastor, then professor of Bible, and I went to school to be a missionary. I left the faith several years after graduating, never actually going overseas as a missionary. I relate to a lot of your story, and I'd love to hear more!
One thing that really left me with a bad taste in college is when I had an interview with a missionary who asked me if I did my prayer and devotionals everyday, and he explained that missionaries have to be a cut above "normal" Christians spiritually. That felt weird and wrong.
No that's not weird and wrong. It's correct. If you want to teach the Christian faith you "actually" need to practice it. It's a basic truism.
Guys...the spirit of religion is just as demonic as anything else..it literally repels people from the true Living God.
Your story reminds me of a friend of mine, although she wasn't an MK her parents were Mormons and always tried really hard to shove it down her throat. But she was always different, especially as a goth and someone who could draw in a Tim Burton style really easily. She would post photos on social media saying spot the goth kid at church camp and even though she was trying to be funny, you could see how much she hated her life with her Mormon parents.
Today, she's still a goth. She's always known who and what she was even though her parents tried to do everything they could to destroy that in the name of Mormonism. Oh, and she's also a mortician.
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us, this was a really eye opening video and I had no idea about the experience of an MK. Really happy to see you got out of that!
Thanks for speaking out about your experience! Both my parents were international MKs and had rough childhood experiences. Children were seen as getting in the way of the mission and they were both sent off to boarding school at a very young age (my mom was 5 and only saw her parents every two years). They still meet up with their former classmates decades later and talk about the emotional trauma they all experienced. They now identify as third culture kids- no culture feels like they fully belong.
Thats actually extremely sad. I was a missionary but when I became a mother my duty became to my family first and foremost. I could never leave my children to go and care for other peoples children in some other country. That’s just wrong.
Another MK turned agnostic atheist. There are dozens of us.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Mine sounds similar in a lot of ways, having moved from the Bible Bet USA to South America when I was 8 years old. Our mission team was full of “aunts” and “uncles,” but there was only one kid on the team who was close to my age. In retrospect, I think they probably have ASD, which would explain why we struggled to connect, and I felt very alone.
Being on a pedestal, the only white kid at school and at church, made me very isolated as a kid. When I returned to the States as a 14 year old, I had nothing in common with anyone my age, and fell into a weird role in my church youth group as well, almost thinking I was special because my parents were missionaries. The first time I felt any kind of normalcy, like I could just be a person my age and connect with other people my age, was when I turned 18 and went to college.
That’s also when I met people in the LGBTQIA+ community, and being an RA in the foreign exchange dorm, a lot of Muslims, Catholics, and people from many other religions and traditions. As soon as I met these people the edges of my fundamentalism started to fray, and I started assessing my faith and my childhood experience as thoroughly as I could. By the end of college, I has started my deconstruction journey. It’s been 10 years now, but watching yours and Drew’s videos have been wonderfully validating, and I can’t imagine how much easier it would have been to have them and this community back then.
I know we both have a lot of trauma still to work through, and it means a lot to see you process this in front of your community here. Thank you again for sharing
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am also a former MK turned agnostic atheist and honestly I don't even talk about it with most people now because no one can really relate. We were aboard the MV Doulos with Operation Mobilization and I had been to 43 countries by the time I was 15, so I also couldn't relate to other MKs at my church who had been in one country and learned a language and a culture intimately. When we got back to the States when I was in high school I just felt like no one really understood what I had been through (and I'm an only child). I really appreciate you sharing your story, and I loved hearing your perspective and experience - there were a lot of parallels with my own!
I totally get that. I don't normally share my story with people either because most people don't get it at all. I've especially had a hard time finding anyone who relates to growing up as an MK who’s now agnostic/atheist, so it’s really cool you commented and we can relate to each other on this! Oh yeah, I feel you, I definitely think most MKs only have experience in one country. I technically did, but the different places I lived in Indo were wildly different so it felt like different countries. When you got back to the US, did you go to public school or private?
@@theantibot I went to a tiny private Christian school called the International Community School. We didn't have our own building so we used the Sunday School rooms of a church, and my graduating class was 13 people. The student body wasn't very international, but we had sister schools across the world that we did fundraisers for and stuff.
All the kids there were Christian or at least from Christian families, but no other MKs. And I super identify with your story about your Bible teacher, we had Bible classes at that high School and they also spent an insane amount of time talking about sexual purity. At least twice a year they would separate the girls and boys and have different talks, and I grew up also feeling so ashamed and like there was something wrong with me because I had a sex drive, but the talks for girls were never about that it was always about how boys had a crazy sex drive and they were basically beasts and it was our responsibility not to make them stumble.
What you said about negative emotions also Hit me hard. I wasn't allowed to be angry as a child, that was considered disrespectful or unchristlike. That trained me to just not feel anger in my body, and it's taken me a long time to realize that there are things that I actually am really angry about and just didn't realize it because I was so trained to avoid acting or even feeling angry.
I am also an introvert, but my life as an MK gave me the ability to kind of "turn on" at will. Do you experience that too? Like I had so many times where I didn't have a choice in being paraded about or asked to perform on command, whether that was literal and singing in front of a church, or just being asked to speak in front of a group. So sometimes people who don't know me very well have a hard time believing that I'm an introvert.
@@sammur1977 I did see many people convert to Christianity. But I also saw people from many other religions making the same claims that Christianity does. Many religious traditions have claims of miracles, transformative experiences, and experiences with the supernatural. There's nothing that can be offered as proof for Christianity that can't be offered as proof for other religions and other scriptures. And once something no longer becomes credible to you, you can't force yourself to believe.
@@sammur1977 I’ve seen some of those things, which galvanized my faith for a time. But then life circumstances, a questioning mind and new information can change one’s perspective and lead to a place where one no longer believes even if they can’t prove there is no god. Please understand this Road for some of us is not taken lightly, nor with a desire to commit sin. But a Road that is sometimes painful, sometimes joyous, sometimes lonely and sometimes connected. Just human, with a different opinion of who god is.
OMG I was listening to this on my headphones while cleaning. When you got to the part where you said you just couldn’t write the paper on the legalizing gay marriage debate, and cut away to “hmmmm I wonder why 🤔” I heard the rustling and yelled “IS SHE WAVING THE BISEXUAL FLAG?!” at my empty house before dashing to look at my screen. Happy to be right! 💙💜💕
Also, just awesome video. Thanks so much for making it!
I saw that too!! 💖💛💙 myself
As someone who was homeschooled, yet by those parents who were like a "normal American family", I relate to this a lot more than I thought I would. I am always trying to figure out the difference between what *I* want vs what others want for me. I struggle with letting people down and I have lived a lot of my life through what others expect of me. I am slowly learning, day by day, how to be myself. Thank you for sharing your story, it really resonated with me.
The brainwash is real
Fellow MK turned atheist here … even tho I have a very different story/experience it’s interesting how it had a very similar effect on me as a person! Thanks for making this video!
This was so interesting and informative. I'd like to hear more about your MK experiences.
Interesting how they were more concerned that you’d be deconverted in a majority Christian United States than when you were out talking to non-Christians in Indonesia
Maybe not surprising though, given the anxiety of the time that the US would turn as "post-christian" as Europe already was in their eyes.
@@Tokahfang In Germany over 60% of people consider themselves Christian as of 2018. Europe is still very much Christian.
@@DM-nw5lu I am well aware! But if you'd been part of evangelical christianity at the time I was referencing, you'd have heard that they discussed it in just those terms despite reality and statistics.
@@Tokahfang as a european (though southeastern) agnostic athiest, if americans think that europe is "post-christian" they're in for a shock, maybe northwestern europe, but not the rest. You're the odd one out if you're not christian at all, sure more people are less religious in the way that they dont go to church all the time and do all lents, but they still believe and go during the holidays.
They probably look down on foreigners and think their views inherently have less value
I really appreciate this video! I wasn't an MK but I grew up in a close-knit Christian community. The rose-colored way that people often talked about missions was one of the initial things that caused me to question Christianity and start deconstructing my beliefs. I went to a close-knit Christian school, and I can really relate to the things you talked about with purity culture and a few particular teachers who went a little *too* intense on the sexual shaming.
Girl I got you!!! Former MK (Brazil) and BJU grad, now atheist agnostic. I'm 55.
I'm so proud of you for sharing your story and experiences. My parents were missionaries and took 3 of my brothers on trips but thankfully by the time they had me they were no longer doing missions work because my parents saw the mental toll MKs had to deal with and my parents described many of them as "broken" because they'd be left at boarding schools for YEARS, rarely seeing their parents.
I'm soooo glad I never had to go through boarding school, so many of the MKs I knew as kids ended up there later and it sounded really rough.
I'm not an MK but I grew up in the evangelical church wanting to do missionary work. Looking back now, I was more into the idea of going new places and learning new things than I ever was about sharing any gospel. I currently live on the other side of the world as a free agent teaching English as a second language, and I'm loving it, no god required. I lost my faith in university but didn't openly admit it until a couple of years ago. Most of my family still doesn't know. I kinda don't want to say anything, because I still feel like at worst, I'd be even more of an outcast than I currently am, and at worst I'd cause my family (especially my mom) unnecessary anxiety about my soul and feelings of failure as a parent.
Totally get that! I didn't want to talk to my family about it either, because I didn't want to cause my family anxiety or make them feel like a failure. But, you're not responsibly for how they feel. That's something only they have responsibility for, but I still completely understand the hesitation. My parents know I'm an atheist, but I largely try to avoid the religion discussion with them still. That's so cool that you're living abroad teaching English! That sounds like so much fun!
Heyyy I’m all about ESL too :) genuinely love teaching but alsoooo love it as a way to work and travel
I’d like to hear a pod cast where you and a Military Kid talk about similarities and differences.
I’m not a military kid, but I remember hearing stories. Ie how all the western kids would gather at the embassy or a special school to socialize. Similar to how that mission compound served as a church.
There’s a term called TCK, third-culture kid, that includes MKs and military or political children, or anyone who grew up between two different cultures and developed a sense that they belonged in neither one, in some third culture. TCK’s around the world tend to have a lot of similarities
@@taboussh I’m one of them. Thanks for mentioning that. It’s nor recognized all that many people. It’s real and complex.
@@charisma-hornum-fries Me too. I wish more people knew the term, especially when I was a kid and felt pretty lonely.
i grew up as a missionary in indonesia as well and so many parts of this video rang true to me. i lived in the same place for my whole time there and went to the same school k-12th grade so i dont share your anxieties about moving. i had many positive experiences but the two things that had the biggest effect on me were extreme homophobia and purity culture. as a queer kid i was living in total isolation. aside from a few friends i couldnt risk telling anyone, especially not adults. the only adult support i had access to was from "good christians" who would treat my queerness like some kind of mental illness. and because homosexuality is illegal there its not like i could get any outside help. i just had to stay trapped and wait until i could graduate and go to college (providing my parents let me go to a secular college). it had long lasting damage on my mental health that im not sure i'll ever be able to undo.
I grew up with parents who believed I should figure out what I believe when I'm old enough to really think about it for myself, rather than imposing something on me. And I'm endlessly grateful for that. Without the influence of Sunday school and weekly church services during my youth, I was quickly able to identify a whole host of things about God and the church that simply didn't add up to me. So I spent my adolescence as a content atheist, even often seeking out Christians to discuss God and try to understand how on earth they didn't see through it all like I did.
Fast forward to 18 years old, just graduated, waiting tables at a chain restaurant. And I meet an awesome girl. Get to know each other, and I learn that she grew up going to some youth group and she wants me to come out sometime.
Sure. What's the harm? The harm is I might meet some awesome people and start forgetting about or no longer caring about the objections I had to the whole God thing. I was so taken in by the people (and in hindsight, their creepy cultish politeness and pseudo-hospitality). Before I knew it I was leading small groups after the message every week, and shortly after that I fell into a worship leader role (despite being a terrible musician with poor rhythm and a mediocre at best singing voice). At the time I told myself God was guiding me and even though it didn't sound great to me, I felt that the message was still getting through and that's what matters. I self righteously felt that my "suffering" of being on a tiny plywood stage in front of 30-60 middle/high school kids playing embarrassing sounding music was a great act of worship. And that was validated by never receiving negative feedback about the music, which I now know is just because of the creepy politeness and cultish hospitality. Many of them were miserable as well, but felt it was their duty to just worship through it anyway.
Anyhow. Got off track there. The point is that this youth group (non denominational, not connected to any particular church. Just a standalone youth group facility) was heavy into missions. The most righteous and godly thing you could do is ignore your next door neighbor in favor of hopping on a plane/bus and going far away from home to tell people they're evil sinners who deserve an eternity of hell, but if they want, they could just believe Jesus is their savior instead.
At one time I was even starting to put my ducks in a row to go to Africa for a 9 month missions trip (despite having only done a couple of 1 week long domestic missions trips thus far). Actually, when I think about it now.. I never actually did a single thing to make that Africa trip a reality beyond TALKING about how I was going to do it to receive praise from other Christians who say they want to do stuff like that but won't actually do it.
Fortunately, after about a decade working (for free) for a few different churches and youth groups, I started to distance from the people a little bit. And I was able to spend more time in church thinking and considering the ideas being taught, rather than always telling myself that "even though there are some bad parts about the Bible, being a Christian is about just loving each other. All those rules don't matter. Just love each other. That's what being a Christian is about."
But when I again started questioning the teachings and why God would guide so many of his pastors to spend so much time harping on seemingly insignificant things, and essentially dehumanizing the people that do those things.... It started to dawn on me that loving each other wasn't really what Christianity is about. Maybe in theory.. But not in practice.
Since my deconversion back into a position of "if there is a God, he's silent, and doesn't meaningfully or measurably interact with the world we live in, therefore I don't believe it makes sense to live as though he exists", ive consumed a large amount of scientific, philosophical, and theological debate. And with each passing day, I become less and less convinced that there is any possibility that the God of the bible (or perhaps any deity at all) exists in a way that matters to humans.
Im glad that missionaries find purpose in their lives by doing what they think is right... But the world would objectively be a better place if they all focused all of their efforts on food/medicine/education for the impoverished, rather than wasting time, resources, and energy translating bibles and teaching biologically ignorant people that birth control is dangerous and teaching people that they're filthy sinners who deserve eternal torture because of something some fictional woman did a long long time ago.
We have real tangible problems to solve in this world and God isn't doing it. We should focus our efforts on those problems. Not inventing new problems (like sin) and then selling the solution (Jesus).
What about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth? That seems pretty solid evidence to me that the God of the Bible is real. It's one thing to debate philosophy, but you can't argue with historical facts and documentation. Flavius Josephus, Tacitus, and Pliny the Younger had nothing to gain by mentioning Jesus, and they never implied they thought he was fake. I think that makes a pretty solid case for the foundations of the early Christian church.
What about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth? That seems pretty solid evidence to me that the God of the Bible is real. It's one thing to debate philosophy, but you can't argue with historical facts and documentation. Flavius Josephus, Tacitus, and Pliny the Younger had nothing to gain by mentioning Jesus, and they never implied they thought he was fake. I think that makes a pretty solid case for the foundations of the early Christian church.
What about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth? That seems pretty solid evidence to me that the God of the Bible is real. It's one thing to debate philosophy, but you can't argue with historical facts and documentation. Flavius Josephus, Tacitus, and Pliny the Younger had nothing to gain by mentioning Jesus, and they never implied they thought he was fake. I think that makes a pretty solid case for the foundations of the early Christian church.
"But the world would objectively be a better place if they all focused all of their efforts on food/medicine/education for the impoverished, rather than wasting time, resources, and energy translating bibles and teaching biologically ignorant people that birth control is dangerous and teaching people that they're filthy sinners who deserve eternal torture because of something some fictional woman did a long long time ago."
How can you say that the world would be objectively better? That is a subjective claim. 'I am a human being.' That is an objective claim.
Let's say religion disappeared and all of the religious folks focused all of their efforts on "food/medicine/education for the impoverished" (which, btw, many Christians already do), what happens when (in theory), no one is sick anymore, poverty is eradicated, and nobody is hungry. Is that it? Did we win?
The problem of sin is going to creep up again. Have you heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Once these basic needs have been met, a more complex need is going to have to be met.
Let's say an impoverished village becomes fruitful and prosperous. One of the village folk who was once poor has become wealthy and attracts someone's wife. These two commit adultery. How do we deal with that? Do we send more resources and/or medicine? There is always going to be a deeper problem than surface level problems- and that is NOT TO SAY that the surface level problems are insignificant or unimportant. But to do away with the concept of sin and missions (done in the right spirit) is, in my opinion, just wrong.
One of my best friends growing up was an mk (her family finishing their 2.5 year furlough and moving away (in what felt abrupt to me) was one of my first deep relational traumas)
I believe she is still active in the faith but her father recently passed away unexpectedly and left her mom and younger siblings in a really tough spot. It's funny how much of the support network vanishes when someone who spends their whole life serving the church passes away and their family is now a financial liability instead of free labor.
You did such a good job with this subject! I was not a MK, but grew up in a nearly cult-like evangelical environment and can relate to so many of your experiences and reactions (especially as a fellow introvert!). Thank you for doing so much emotional work to tell your story. I struggle with feeling alone for how I grew up, as well as the community I had to leave in order to save my own sanity. I appreciate you and really enjoy your style and depth of empathetic storytelling. ♥
I'm not a MK, but I did grow up in a community that expected me to be a living example of godlyness. I really appreciate this video and could relate to a lot 💜.
Sending hugs
I grew up as a christian, I never went on mission trips as a child but I knew other kids that did and I always found it very strange from a young age. They'd come back with stories about how great they were for spreading the word of God and how they saved so many people and it just kind felt like they thought they were superior to everyone instead of being humbled by the experience of seeing those less fortunate.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I've been searching for a story like this for awhile. I was raised as a missionary kid for my entire childhood. I didn't start processing the trauma I went through until recently, at the age of 24, due to the pressure to constantly portray my MK experience as perfect and ideal.
I’m glad you found my video! I hope it helped! I definitely understand the need to portray MK life as ideal.
Fellow former MK here! I've stumbled across some online support groups and it's been so helpful in my healing
Another fellow former MK! Can you share which support groups you have found to be helpful? I've had trouble finding any.
I was not a MK, but I was a shy, sensitive, introverted teen riddled with anxiety and self-doubt. I was drawn to evangelical Christianity by the idea that Jesus was my personal best friend who understood me, had a plan for me, and would see to it that I would be the person he wanted me to be.
Before long, I would realize that my personality traits were unacceptable. My youth group was aggressively evangelical. I had no ability for “friendship” evangelism (which wasn’t friendship at all). I was told the Holy Spirit would give me boldness if I prayed for it. I was given a box of Jack Chick tracts to pass out. I couldn’t get past the lack of respect for people’s privacy and boundaries required for this activity. And I won’t start on the violent turmoil the belief of eternal conscious torment caused on the innermost core of my being or this would be a very long post. Evangelical Christianity, especially Calvinism, is not for the shy, tender hearted type.
Ugh that's horrible. People in church buildings are mostly fake hypocrites. Ive been insecure with severe anxiety my whole life but I didn't become bold until after I repented, was filled with the Holy Spirit and learned how to discern His voice and pray. Now He's been doing a deep healing on my trauma and my boldness in sharing truth is a natural outcome of me being refined more and more into Jesus' image. No effort of my own just an outcome of a close surrendered relationship and Christ being formed in me.
I haven't finished the video yet, but I was also a missionary kid. We moved when I was 10 years old. It was the worst experience I have ever had and I have never talked with anyone who had a similar experience. This was an immediate click for me. (I'm 5'10 with curly hair btw, so relate to that about awkward teenage phase!)
'the loud inner critic' (25:45) oh yes! I'm actually just writing about that right now, as I reflect on my own MK -> deconstruction story, for my soon to be released next video "reversing the missionary position"! so glad to have found your channel tonight; thank you! oh yes, and I SO relate to the 'emotionally taxing' part of making these videos (I call mine my 'testimony' - double meaning intended)! that's why I'm watching you tonight and not working on the first 'chapter' of my vid, as planned....
I've been following you guys for a year now. I'm an MK who deconstructed, and I get what you feel about post deconstruction isolation. I also know very few MKs who have left the faith. I've found connection through online support groups, which has helped.
Thanks for commenting! I've been amazed at how many MKs who are now deconstructed that have commented on this video and relate to a lot of what I said. It's not something I see in "real life" very much, so it's nice to hear from others who have similar experiences.
I actually knew an MK whose _dad_ (the actual missionary) had deconstructed, it kinda scared me though from the hush-hush way his son talked about him. I wasn't at all in one of those religious communities that encouraged shunning atheists either, it was just the fact that he was a _missionary..._
I'm a deconstructed MK too, my parents are still in missions. For me one of the hard parts was coming to terms with the fact that, if Christianity wasn't real, than the thing my parents (who are very nice people who I still have a good relationship with) and all the other nice missionaries I knew (many of them "aunts/uncles") had uprooted their entire lives for, and the work they had dedicated their life to, was essentially meaningless.
@@theantibot yeah it’s hard to be an out and proud atheist in TX so I feel you about the lack of support or admission of deconstructed lives here abouts
I'm not a MK but I am a PK that abandoned faith. I have never been happier nor have I looked back. I wish you the best in your journey
I am a Pk too our collective shared experience is important and more of us should speak out!
Congrats on leaving!
You never had it if you abandoned it.
Would you say that you have ever had a real spiritual experience? I’m just wondering. I can’t seem to abandon faith. I wish I could, but feel so empty without hope for something better than this world. It’s not that I want to live in heaven, but just that there is some purpose. I really feel like I had a life changing moment and felt pure love from a higher power. Maybe it was not supernatural but I’ve never been the same.
@@emilyp3150 Hey Emily, I hope my answer is not intrusive. I think everyone of us has different needs and it's good to take care of ourselves. From my experience, I had spiritual experiences and I also left faith. I am mourning a loss of purpose. At the same time, I feel like I can get to know myself for the first time in my life. I think there are many ways to find purpose or to feel love or to create spirituality on one selves terms. But right now, it feels hard for me.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I wasn’t a MK but was a missionary in high school and college. After deconstructing my faith, I’ve been working on healing my inner child. My entire life I felt like I was a puppet for Christ, or that I only did the things that were expected of me. I’m still working through guilt and shame in my life today. Please share more stories!
When I hear stories like this I am grateful for my semi-practicing Catholic family. When I was a kid (am now in my 50s) skepticism was always accepted and making a yourself a priority was frequently supported. Though going to church was often exhausting (I don't miss it at all). I do remember feeling sorry for the fundamentalist Baptist kids down the road who went to church several times a week.
I was particularly struck by your references to your introversion. I have often read that introverts have an especially difficult time in the evangelical community. It seems they're expected to be "on" continually, just bursting with energy every moment. I remember hearing an account of one introvert whose youth leader said he doubted whether she was really "saved" because she didn't appear very excited about it.
My introversion was generally respected, and at least Catholicism does have an old contemplative tradition.
You did a really great job! You and your husband’s channel have really helped me heal from some of my own religious trauma,
The narrative style and delivery are very like Genetically Modified Skeptic. 😊 It is also an amazing story. Thanks!
They’re married 😊
I imagine they collaborate and work on scripts together.
Thank you for sharing your experience as an MK. I am sorry for all the trauma you experienced. I hope that you will receive healing.
I am a missionary in my own country, became a Christian from the Hindu religion. I am thankful that someone shared the Gospel with me.
Have learnt alot these last years as I grow in my faith. People will disappoint you. No matter the faith.
The passage that comes to my mind is I will never leave you nor forsake you.
The Lord has been near to me in some of my darkest hours. He's the only One I can hold onto when trials come.
When I watched your first video I was struck by several things, the perfection of those spiral curls, those rocking eyebrows, and your fingernails (they were black at the time). You are a gorgeous lady, and even more importantly you are strong, have a commitment to finding and sharing the truth in a balanced way, and you just seem kind!
Your perspective on parenting as a group effort reminds me so much of my mother and her siblings. Her sisters pushed her into the satanic panic, modesty/purity culture, and hyper-controlling our entertainment options. I remember a cousin lecturing me about reading romance novels (that my mother had bought me) and threw my book away.
It’s hard enough to have the inconsistency of one or two adults trying to figure things out. It was a constantly moving goal post in our family because we had a dozen of them.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I grew up fundamentalist evangelical and I relate so much to dealing with the loud inner voice as an adult now removed from religion. Your voice is necessary:)
Thank you for sharing your story! i wasn’t an MK, but I was a PK in a Christian Missionary Alliance church so even tho I wasn’t overseas it felt very similar. I was almost pressured into going into the mission field before the pandemic hit…. now i’ve distanced myself from the church, even my dad left. The church is so focused on “saving the children” that it so often forgets the needs of the children. it’s haunting.
Growing up in what someone might call a third-world backwater, I used to meet so many foreign missionaries spreading their gospels (many of which belonged to pretty obscure denominations). They kind of creeped me out, but I also felt kind of bad for them even if I couldn't articulate why. It's very interesting hearing the story from the other side. Thank you for sharing!
Edit: Also your pug looks like a shadow at the end, so cute!
Thanks for this! I am an adult MK and an atheist now. You have distilled so much of your/my experience into thirty minutes in this video! There are so many emotional aspects to explore, and I am working on becoming a fully functioning human. Of course everyone has work to do but as you say, MKs are hardly represented in culture and there isn't a template for healing.
I’m so proud of you girlie. Even though we were brought up quite similarly, I think you turned out to be such a remarkable human being capable of a lot of love and empathy. It’s great to see how many people you have inspired from this. ♥️
Another MK here 😊 I’m agnostic and 🏳️🌈. Thanks for sharing! ❤️ It’s so good to hear your story. It’s really nice to know there are other MKs that can relate to the complex emotions (I struggle with the “negative” ones… haha pedestal effect). I don’t feel like I could talk about them around the MKs I grew up around because they’re still within that bubble.
I also share these experiences and it's so good to hear from other MKs who made it out!
It’s interesting to watch videos like this. I’m a Christian, and I can totally understand where you’re coming from. There always seems to be friction between Christians and non-Christians or people of different religions, however, by the end of the day, and despite our views on certain things, we should treat each other as if we’re all siblings (though not blood-related) and set aside the animosity. It’s eye-opening to hear your story as a former missionary. Christians are often encouraged to do missionary work, however it’s not as easy as other make it seem to be. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.
❤ Solidarity among people of different beliefs, absolutely!
I am a Christian, but I have always wondered and asked myself about missionary work in these remote places, and wondering if those remote places would even understand the concept of God, let alone their culture even being able to accept that sort of thing. Thank you for sharing this, because I’ve always wondered about what it is like in the missionary world putting yourself out there.
Sadly missionary work is worse for the communities you guys are trying to reach out to. Quick fixes don’t build up communities. It’s just a bandaid to the real issues they’re facing. And it’s just down right predatory behavior to preach to disadvantaged people. The whole thing reeks of colonialism
They definitely understand the concept of God, but from their own religion and cultures perspective. Imagine if they came into your territory forcing their beliefs on you and saying that what you believe is evil?
When you said "every mistake wasn't just a mistake, it was a life threatening sin" - I had to pause the video to let that resonate. I was an MK just barely- we came back to the US when I was still a baby. Growing up though my dad still raised us Christian, and because it was not a super extreme or radical version of it (though I have stepped away from even the level of extremity he had taught me), it's been difficult to pinpoint why my childhood and teenage years especially left me feeling the way it did. I think that attitude - making every tiny mistake into a huge deal - is a big reason why. It's not just that my boyfriend put his arm around my shoulder: it's that physical affection like that is a "slippery slope" (ugh) towards the ultimate sin like you said, premarital sex. Thanks for helping me unlock one more aspect of my upbringing that contributed to the mess of emotions I have about it now :')
I was a missionary kid! Not nearly to the extent that you were though. When I was younger than 10, my parents traveled to other countries for mission work. It was usually for a week to 3 months. They were leaders, so their presence I guess wasn’t always needed. Most notably we were in Venezuela before the most recent financial crisis. I am now deconstructed, and so much happier with my life.
Wow ... amazing testimony. Thanks for sharing. It is not easy. I grew up in Africa. My parents grew up in a church established by French missionaries in my country. They were thankful that they thought them how to read and write. My parents married early and had 5 kids within 10 years and we all grew up in church. My dad became a passive Christian, I left religion soon after 18.
I’m a PK to a southern Baptist pastor/preacher and my childhood church had a huge focus on international missions. I went on a lot of short term mission trips and so did my father-some of my closest friends’ parents decided to be missionaries and it was HARD being the kid who was left behind in the US-I cannot fathom being a kid who moved across the world.
I, too, have had issues with my identity and feeling/believing I am worthy of making my own decisions and living my own life. Religious trauma is so real! Thank you for sharing YOUR experience and your story-it is so refreshing and validating to hear a story that is so similar to mine (behind the perfectly manicured church facade). I do not really identify as a Christian anymore and am still deconstructing a lot of religious ideologies that no longer serve me and that harm/invalidate people. I guess ignostic/agnostic is where I currently most align. I am spiritual, but it’s so different. Sending you love and peace ❤
I am a PK, and we definitely share a lot of the same issues with growing up that MKs seem too. A lot of pressure and gaslighting. It's taken me a long time to unravel things-- still working on it!
I didn’t grow up Christian and have never been a Christian but I really appreciate learning about your personal experience - you’re well spoken and thoughtful in your approach to sensitive topics. It’s super insightful and interesting.
Antibot, thank you for making this video. CZcams is the only place that I've shared my deconversion story. And I did it anonymously. I've never been on missions, but I was born into the Christian faith. I got saved at age 13 and I started having doubts like a year after that. I thought it was an attack from the devil. This was in 1995 so I couldn't Google it, lol. But from 2014-2018 I critically examined my religious beliefs and I now identify as an agnostic atheist as well. It all really started when I was on CZcams looking up The Way Of The Master. That ended up leading me to the Atheist Experience.
Thanks so much. Just came across your channel. I was born and raised in same context you described. My parents were missionaries in Mapnduma and I flew through Wamena regularly to Sentani, to boarding school. I started that regular journey when I was 6 yrs old. My experience as an MK was way back in the '60s and '70s and the affects are still being worked through at this stage of my life. I have been in the process of reframing my worldview for quite some years and am grateful for your clear articulation of some of the traumas/affects of the MK experience. I think it would be interesting to compare notes between our different generational experiences of Irian Jaya.
Wow! What a small world! I’d absolutely love to trade notes - if you send me a DM on Insta (@taylor_the_antibot) or email me at theantibotyt@gmail.com I’ll be sure to see it!
Your story about MKs is very fascinating. I am glad to here your experience in Indonesia which actually is a Muslim country so I understand why missionaries travel there. I remember in Kitwe, Zambia where I grew up we had missionaries. I never understood it because most Zambians are Christians anyway but one major thing I noticed about missionaries is they were very gated. So we never got to play with MKs. We never met their kids. In Zambia it is normal for kids in the neighborhood to play together. They went into the rural area and came back in my neighborhood (which was upper middle class). There was a Zambian boy who was adopted and I don't think ever with played with him. I cannot even remember his name now. Lol. This was the late 1990s though so may be things have changed.
I love the fact that you spoke about boarding schools because they are common private schools in Zambia. In Zambia most missionaries sent their kids to the American International School in the capital city. Some would send their kids to a school called Lechwe which was a private school but not a boarding school.
To today I don't have a positive view of missionaries with due respect to your parents. I see it as Cultural imperialism especially the fact that I seldom met MKs who went to totally different schools and did not join us to play as kids. It was like we were in the same environment but lived in two different countries. Even at church I don't think I ever got to shake hands with missionaries who testified or attended my church sometimes.
I think we may have been in the same misson... my wife grew up in PNG. Thank you for sharing this. We are both atheists from missionary families and it's encouraging to hear other people's stories!
I moved from Australia to Kenya when I was 12 and started boarding school in Nairobi the day after we flew in. My family aren’t missionaries but they are very Christian. I can totally relate to the overwhelming experience that is going through (a difficult) puberty and moving to the other side of the world simultaneously. As an adult, I’m now deconstructing Christianity and figuring it out for myself. It’s a beautiful mess. Lots of love xx
Similar story place and age wise! Move to move, to that move. I told someone I sort of know for maybe the first time that I don't identify as a Christian now, at this stage in my life. I had questions for so long, and still do.
I wasn’t an MK but I was raised in a very strict, insular Christian environment, and have dealt with a lot of the same trauma.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This was a great video, and I really enjoyed it. I’d love to hear more about your MK experiences.
I wasn’t a missionary kid like most people, my parents weren’t missionaries, they weren’t even church people. I got into missionary work through my school when i was 12. I went to indigenous communities in my country when i was 13 with a bunch of other middle schoolers to save souls and spread the word. In year 12 i did home schooling and moved to Cambodia to do mission work. After i graduated i did my DTS at YWAM and went back out into the field. If you know anything about YWAM, you know that they don’t take one questioning their faith well. So when i started to question mission work and started to speak about the negative impact we may be having on these people we thought we were having i was basically kicked off of my team. That just forced my to deconstruct my faith. My entire teenage and early adult life was spent with these same people, believing the same things and doing what we thought was saving humanity. I never got to be a teenager. I have so much guilt about the colonial ideas i helped spread to indigenous people, and how disrespectful we were to the cultures of the people we were trying to save.
Both my parents were YWAMers who ended up raising us kids in the US. Never did a DTS, but I was routinely brainwashed by my parents and their missionary friends as well as church. Kept in a homeschool and Christian school bubble, of course. Planned on working in medical missions (mercyships) but thankfully deconstructed before I made any more major life decisions that would keep me tied to religion.
I also lament my seemingly "wasted" years. Still, I'm so proud that I was open minded enough to deconstruct.
Even though you didn't grow up with the pressures of an MK, I'd say your youth was certainly taken advantage of. I hope you have since been able to forgive yourself. I also hope you give yourself credit where credit is due for changing the trajectory of your life when you saw the negative impact of your actions and your teams actions. Best wishes
I really appreciate your sharing your story. I too am an MK (Brazil) so I can identify. My relationships with my other MK friends and Brazilian friends are strained by my liberal ideas. I can imagine how some of them would respond if I were to come out to them as an atheist. For me the biggest issue was thinking my parents’ ministry would be destroyed if I were not a “good MK”. I am now in my late 60s and can still feel that pressure.
Puraque? I graduated 1985 and am now an atheist agnostic
I'm technically an MK born in Tokyo under CBFMS (I think it's called CBOMS now) but my parents "failed" and moved back to the States when I was 5. The whole thing ruined my mom's life. By 14 I abandoned the hypocrisy, and got off easy. SO MANY kids had it worse than me, thanks for sharing!
Wow! Just, wow. Such a moving story. Thank you for sharing. (I’m not an MK, but I am a PK which isn’t as bad, but still I can relate to some of this.) But it seems like you made it through all right- you seem like a smart, kind, levelheaded, lovely person despite everything you went through.
I'm an MK too. My parents became missionaries when I was a toddler, welch is pretty standard I guess, but I had an interesting experience getting out of the missions space. A couple years before I moved out of my parents' home, my family actually moved "back" to work at one of the organization's home offices in the US. There was a whole campus there, with missionaries working in permanent admin positions and a constant stream of missionaries passing through for conferences, training, or unplanned furloughs (medical etc). There was also a youth group specifically for MKs, which I attended with my sister. It was cool to bond with the others over the strange experience of moving "back" "home" to a country that felt foreign, landing back into the secular world, and there were actually a lot of honest discussions of teen MKs struggling with their faith and with being held up on this MK pedestal. Of course most of them resolved their crises of faith, many going on to Bible college and/or into missions. And I didn't feel comfortable being completely honest there with how far my doubts had gone, because of the whole pseudo-family thing and how easily it could all get back to my parents... But it was still a cool space just for MKs, that honestly didn't feel judgy.
The accidental misspelling of "which" as "welch" is ironic, because "welche" plus variations means "which" in German
@@samwindmill8264 nooooo I didn't even notice my typo, I guess I have to leave it forever now XD
But isn't the misspelling congruent or fortuitous, rather than ironic? I might use the word ironic if "welche" happened to have the _opposite_ meaning in German (even though "opposite" doesn't really apply for a word like that).
This was very interesting to listen to, you are a great storyteller. I am happy to hear that you are doing much better now and I wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing. I always thought being an MK would be a cool way to see the world and be exposed to new ideas. Lol. Makes sense that I would be wrong when you really think about it, lol. Then again, I was never a Christian, so I don't think I can ever truly understand the way things work within that culture
@Engelbert Humperdinck a lot of seamen in a small space has never been my idea of a good time, lol
Just got chills. I was 1.5 when we went to Indonesia for likely the same mission aviation organization. My dad was a radio mechanic (never flew for the organization, but was a pilot), and we have a ton of stories from it. I was young enough when we got back that I don't have the same memories as you do, nor that of my brothers, but it's fascinating to see a more mature narrative on the experience. Love you guys, keep up the good work.
I'm late to this party, but also grew up as an MK. I have since left the church and am working on deconstructing. Also am no contact with my parents after coming out at as gay and that being handled horribly. I only know two other MKs who left the church and came out as queer, so finding your videos is amazing. Currently trying to work through all the issues I have from being raised that way. Probably the biggest is growing up knowing I was never my parents' top priority. I have since discovered I'm Autistic, and I can remember repeatedly being at events burned out with a migraine and on the edge of a meltdown and being told by my mom that I needed to suck it up because the ministry was important and we couldn't leave yet. A.k.a. it was more important than me being in physical or mental pain. I was depressed in high school and treated like I was just in a bad mood and needed to shake it off. I remember graduating college and struggling to find a job and my mother saying that if I couldn't find something, they would have to leave the mission field, with the thinly veiled implication being that I would be taking them away from God's important work and ruining everything. When I came out as gay, they harped repeatedly on how it made them look to have a queer child. My father has tried but can't forgive me for what he views as an abomination. My mom refuses to acknowledge any of the hard things growing on the mission field created for me and my brother. My brother is some shade of deeply closeted queer and a depressed mess who hates himself. But he's so indoctrinated that he can't leave, and the way he sees me as a result has strained our relationship to the point of barely existing. So yeah. All of that to say, there are others of us out here who walked away and are working through things. And seeing you on here talking about this stuff and being honest means a lot.
I love the empathy towards Missionary Kids and towards yourself in this video
Mollie,, we all have what we find an I'll share a little. it's her choice an mine an yours I've been wrong I wouldn't want anyone, to agree to disagree then Iam judging. 34 thousand different saying Christian. I have to figure my stuff 1st.
@Engelbert Humperdinck I have strong opinions about military like you, a girl going Airforce I can say ask my thoughts. I showed her an she felt the weight of a purple heart she didn't know, I said u don't want one of these, they showed me they don't giv a hoot. just saying B well.
Although I was not a missionary kid (I attended a very small Catholic/Christian school from grades 1 through 7, and left due to a very traumatic series of events), this video and your story has helped me to further unpack some of my own religious trauma, so thank you for making this! Thank you for sharing
I understand that religious people think they're doing others a favor by spreading their faith, but it just doesn't seem right to force one's beliefs on people from different cultures, especially recently contacted tribes. What is your take on that?
Yeah the way I see it, it's exploiting vulnerable people by taking advantage of their situation to indoctrinate them and make them dependent on the church. The way she described how a bunch of fanatic white foreigners swooped in to a remote civilization to decide their language for them really rubbed me the wrong way because I'm confident that it wasn't as mutual as it sounded.
I mean, I'm not in favor of the idea, but OTOH it's a bit condescending to use the word _force_ there, don't you think? As in "oh those poor brown people, they can't think for themselves."
@@ps.2 Idk. Could say push, impose, promote. Whatever. Establishing entire communities and moving people there to actively proselytize seems quite forceful.
@@ps.2 Missionaries do often force people through manipulation. You’ve heard of Operation Christmas Child? They use that as a time to tell kids it’s because of god that there is this abundance, and it’s the kids’ lack of faith that causes them to be poor. Manipulation isn’t free will.
@@ps.2 virtue signal much? Using your logic, no one could ever describe anyone doing anything negative to another, without denigrating (or “condescending” to) the receiving party. Ugh. She was literally empathizing with the group and you jumped on her, and attempted to “out-defend” the “brown” people (as you call them).
Get a grip.
Not an MK, but i was a PK! i totally relate to a lotta the things you talked about
in a different way
while you were in the field, my upbringing was entirely focused on MY community, very specifically
everything needed to be local, and important for this area
but i had the same thing, that intense pressure to behave in a perfect way because my dad was the pastor
every time i failed, i became paranoid
i hated myself, and i only ever viewed myself as a huge screw up, someone who can never do anything right
And in a lot of ways, i'm still there
but its comforting to find more people who experienced what i experienced and know that i'm not alone
Thank you, and Drew both for these
I wasn't a missionary but i did move to another city to join a church. I remember one time there was a University student lunch after church, and me and my friends were all studying at the time so we went along. We then got told that if we weren't going to mingle with new people then we had to leave. Despite not volunteering that day or the fact that we were all university students, because we were already part of the church, we were being told that if we didn't welcome new people that we couldn't be involved. This person also knew I had severe anxiety at the time and I am neurodivergent. It wasn't a strong point for me and approaching new people was especially hard.
This is a great example of churches only wanting to welcome new people to get them to continue coming but once you're in, they treat you like crap and if you're not serving all the time, you're doing something wrong.
I really appreciate your story. It was really interesting to listen to.
As difficult and as emotionally taxing as you said it was to tell the story, I would have never been able to tell this. You presented it in a positive, forthright and interesting way.
If found in my own personal struggles in life, that we are our usually harshest critics. I know the persona you present on this channel is probably a small and somewhat curated version of who you are - but the script preparation, along with your openness and honesty speak volumes about how successfully you are managing the challenges of your deconstruction along with the additional pressures doing it so publicly brings.
Good job and I really look forward to seeing more of these stories!
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This Trauma: Love you And Keep it up, You're Not Alone...
Wow my dad was also a missionary kid in Bandung. I was only an MK for a few years when I was very young, but it's pretty much the family business.
I've been increasingly realizing how much these missionaries devalue the health and wellbeing of children in missionary families, and when something goes wrong they blame it on sin or say that it is a sacrifice that must be made for the gospel.
Even though I was only a missionary kid for a few years, it harmed me and caused my parents to do things that harmed me, on top of the negative impact on local communities. Thanks for sharing your story, I wish this stuff was talked about critically more often.
Thanks for sharing your story. I was never an MK, but was a Christian for many years and then became an agnostic atheist about a year and a half ago. I greatly value hearing stories like yours as sometimes it brings new insights into the different traumas that religion can create. I look forward to your next video.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It isn't easy baring your soul like that and making yourself vulnerable for us. We appreciate it.
I was an MK in Japan. I’m glad my experience wasn’t as traumatic as yours. Although I experienced the same ideology, It wasn’t as concentrated and isolated as yours.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I also grew up in a high control environment, between my parents and my evangelical cult it really was a lot to unlearn.
Even though I was never a MK, there was a lot of similarity and the differences were very informative, and in a weird way seem to shed a lot of light on my own experiences, it feels like seeing the "other side" - what it's like to be looked to as a leader and role model in the christian faith, which was something I always aspired to be when I was an evangelical christian in that environment, but certainly nowadays am glad I never became.
I feel like your experience is in a lot of ways so complementary to mine, hence hearing all you have to say is so illuminating to me.
You also share it in a way which also really makes it easy to understand and relate to, it's very immersive. Even though you relay it in a conversational way, I also feel like I'm being drawn into a story somehow. I think you have a knack for storytelling in a relatable way.
Still, it sucks if it's from forced socialisation trauma and being forced to "share your testimony" all the time.
I know these things that can be seen as strengths (like when kids come across really "mature" due to having to "grow up quickly") can often also be coping mechanisms from underlying trauma where religion and high control environments are involved so there can be a lot of bittersweetness in the things we learn in order to survive those environments, especially when people praise us for them.
I'm speaking as a neuro-atypical who was so good at masking understanding that it took a seriously smart well-researched person I trusted completely in order to be myself in a way I never could before in order for us to piece together over years that I actually didn't understand the things I thought I did, or understand that true understanding wasn't just feigning competency and that "fake it till you make it" only applied to things like confidence, and that some things, like technical knowledge, at a high enough level one actually has to understand and not just give the right answers to questions about.
I was an army brat with evangelical parents and share some of the stories you state. My wife of 35 years also has very curly hair.
Thank you for raising this issue and presenting both the joys and trauma of being a Mk.
I am now 60 and did not move abroad, but moved location and schools regularly. I have felt neglected and traumatized from some aspect of MK childraring style but its also made me self reliant, adaptable and socialable.
In terms of faith I think my MK experience lead me to become a atheist. Mk is definitely an area for reach but the parenting style does not just apply to MK. There is definately things that can be done to improve things for Mk so that the child needs can be acknowledged and met but I feel that this is needed firstly within a wider context where children relocating because of their parents jobs. There is a danger that MKs like myself who struggled with normal identity issues, overcoming childhood trauma, and finding their own belief put the blame for what is living pains at the feet of their parents , the church culture and God.
I am a Mk who became a Atheist and now have found my own faith in God which is now relational rather than church culture or parentally given.
Mks are given a very strong belief framework which can be experienced as librating or oppressive or both. I thing that having a strong belief framework given by parents is much better than the problem people have when they have no sense of a belief framework or community. and experience frequent dislocation in the way children of celebrities or career families do. Our modern day Culture in general has a problem with sex and how to get children through puberty so your correct the issue is not black or white its grey.
Thanks for sharing your story, beyond the almost robotic rote answers we hear from MKs on shows like Hams I have never heard what it is really like growing up in that community. Dredging through our pasts can be difficult but also ultimately rewarding. Another vote for more of this topic in the future. Be well.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m currently working with perhaps the same mission in which you grew up, but in PNG. I’m a homeschool consultant and I appreciated your thoughts, as I really want to protect the mental wellbeing of the students I interact with.
Thank you for your honest and empathetic narrative of your years as a Missionary Kid. I am so glad you’ve been able to gain freedom and equanimity since those years. Love your channel!
Fellow MK here - 12 years in India, three different missionary appointments for my parents, 9 and a half years for me in expat boarding school. My time was good and bad. School was awful - psychological neglect, psychological and physical abuse. The expectation to stay quiet about bad stuff still affects me today. The pressure to suppress reactions to bullying and abuse only served to affect my emotional growth and I deal with depression and CPTSD daily. I deconstructed and became an agnostic atheist this year (at the age of 45) - most of my friends from India are still Christian, some have gone into missionary work themselves. I have a love/hate relationship with my background - I have some really good friendships that I would never give up, but at the same time the anger at what happened there makes it hard to appreciate the good times (what few there were).
Hey! How you feel about having a love/hate relationship with your background is exactly how I feel. I made some great friends there and experienced a lot of things that most kids don't get to, but also there were some pretty messed up things that happened.
PK support! Missionary kids always seemed like alternate reality versions of myself, walking straight out of another dimension. So similar in the role they played, yet from such a foreign world. There was always something about that tension between sameness and strangeness that made me uncomfortable around them, even when we were expected to act as friends when visits occured.
I can never fully relate to your experience, but as someone who was still raised in the ministry, experienced a move from California to the Bible Belt at 14 because of "God's calling," and was similarly criticised for not fitting into the more extroverted (and shameless) parts of evangelism and fellowship, I at least see a glimpse.
I would gladly welcome another video discussing the topic of kids raised in ministry generally, if you ever decide to steer in this direction again.
It was both sad and clarifying to hear your story. When I was young I participated in arranging things for missionary kids so they could spend time together and share their experiences. As far as I understood it was at the time understood that life of a missinoary kid was not easy, and that especially cultural changes were not easy, and the organisation I used to participate in tried to ease the problems with support camps during summer holidays (during the visits to the home country). I just don't know how much good they actually did.
One of my friend during my (university) student years was actually missionary kid. She sometimes talked about the challenges quite openly. On the other hand her sister talked much less about them. I knew other missionary kids as well (I sung in the choir with few younger ones), but not as well as her. Yet it was well known fact that many missionary kids found returning to home country especially hard and some later moved abroad. It was propably because many were brought up in Americanized international missionary schools and felt more at home in anglo-american culture than ours that is different. This was some 20 years ago though and I don't really know how things are now.
My goddaughter is a missionary kid as well, but her family returned already when she turned six and her brothers were even younger. She remembers a little, but I don't think she knows the local language anymore. I think that was easier than being older when returning home country. However even her parents felt that missionary community was quite cloused up in there and it was not always easy to make real impact. However I could see them returning to the field, but only after the kids are adult.
I’m an mk and this video resonated with me. Especially the part where we as adults can’t make decisions based off our own motivations and weren’t allowed room to make mistakes. Thank you. ❤
I'm an MK who is still a strong Christian. I'm so sorry your experience has left you with scars. You raise some really really valid points, and I defs relate to some of it, especially the whole pedestal thing... Thank you for putting your heart out on the internet - I applaud your bravery!
That’s awesome that you have an open mind :)
Would love to hear more of your experiences.
Thank you so much tor opening up and sharing!! I know it’s very hard and it means a lot ♥️