Learning to Be a Friend to Yourself
Vložit
- čas přidán 12. 03. 2018
- Many of us are far tougher on ourselves than we ever deserve to be, the result of difficult upbringings which deny us an internal voice of love with which to speak to ourselves. We need to learn that most necessary of arts: that of befriending ourselves.
Enjoying our CZcams videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: t.ly/r_pnI
Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: t.ly/kfE9p
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/ksSpLU
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
X: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Amanda Eliasson
artofam.se/
vimeo.com/artofam #TheSchoolOfLife
Thank you for watching our latest film. Do you struggle with being a friend to yourself? Let us know in the comments below. If you would like to talk more with us in person we are running a three-day event at the end of March in the USA: goo.gl/u7Q3a4
The School of Life I suffer from anxiety and inferiority complex, this helped me so much. Thank you
I hate myself so much and all the mistakes I made. I want to forgive myself without needing people to forgive me.
It's such a shame how cruel we are to ourselves, but would never dream of speaking to anyone else in the world the way we speak to ourselves. Thank you, much practice will need to be used to make this a reality.
Are you going to release your app for android anytime soon?
The School of Life it took 35+ years of life for me to understand this truth.
I didn't think this would make me cry but it did
Maria Johansson same here.
Totally caught off guard.
❤️
me too
why does it make you cry ?
It did the same to me. It’s hard to not be so critical of yourself. It was very cathartic.
Same 😔
The moment I can completely become friends with myself would be the greatest and most fulfilling achievement I can ever make
It is possible.
Perhaps that's true of us all...
You'll get there bud
"I can love you as you are, despite everything." That line always makes me cry.
I think I need to watch this about three times a day for a while; until it sinks in. 😞
yess i will try to watch it evey day
I can't concentrate on the context of the video cause im so relaxed by the sound of her voice.
So therapeutic.
thegossipswan009
I also felt the same ❤❤
yogibear2k10
Even if she did allegedly “sound about eight”, she still sounded great!
I can't concentrate on the context of the video cause the song in the background. so relaxing and i want to know the title
This video really touched me... It pains me to know how I've been treating myself over these past years, but knowing that I can grow, that I still can be forgiven for all my mistakes, really means the world to me. Thank you.
p.s. I never heard this narrator before, but she's really good!
I think you will find this video touching too: czcams.com/video/PaZ1EmPOE_k/video.html I go back to it quite often.
Your voice is so soul healing...
Abhinab Choudhary tru 😂
asmita bose yea😊
Your*
Yes. Thank you!
Chris News Im ok with it
I suffer from anxiety and inferiority complex, this helped me so much. Thank you
Sponge Bob you're not alone Sponge, I'm sure you're a great person. Have a great day/night wherever you are!
luisquincoces thank you :)
Sponge just remember what it took to get you here
I can relate as well:)
This video is so relaxing...
Thank you. This video was the most productive minute of my day. It made me cry a lot, but it touched me deeply. So, yes, thank you. Really. You guys are awesome.
Danilo Salvego did you really cry tho?
I suffered (still suffer) a lot with depression. The School of Life helped me a lot in a lot of ways. This video yes, made me cry and it's not a bad thing. In a simple way it just touched me in one of my deepest problem: to accept who I am and to be friend with my inner voice. :)
Danilo Salvego wow that is good I hope you get healed from depression. Loving yourself is very fun once you get the hang of it im sure ! Have a good day ☺
It made me cry as well, really helpful
Danilo Salvego Depression is so real man...have a great day brother.
I always think if I'm not a friend to myself then how can I be a friend to someone else
IzzyDuzIt true esteem is something easily lost and hard to win back.
We are IF yeah man, I work at it everyday.
We are IF That's the mindset I've had for a while, but aren't friends supposed to be the people in your life that introduce more self-love?
so true ..
I watch to this every once and a while. Whenever I have a bad event in my life I come back, close my eyes, and listen to this voice. The kindness evokes something within me to emulate it and forgive myself for my problems that I struggle to solve. Thank School of Life for this powerful video tool you have provided me, and others, with.
when it said "i know how deeply you've suffered" the tears came. i guess i never admit to myself that i have always been there for others but not myself bc i grew up in a dysfunctional family and was always trying to fix everyone to help them but i lost myself and i never knew it
watching this as i am sitting here dissociating with my thoughts
It's hard for me to be my own friend when I remember every flaw I have while underappreciating all the good traits. Being a perfecionist doesn't help much either, especially when it's shown the most on myself. Perfection as a human being is something not really achievable yet I still try to and let myself down.
Chiradori you're not alone. No matter how hard you are on yourself, you will always be an amazing person deserving to exist and be happy :)
The problem i have is that i’m so friendly and forgiving with myself that i’m destroying my life 😂😂
Younes Siwane real talk bruh, relatable.
Younes Siwane this is a real problem. help me
You've come to the wrong video. Too much self love is closer to narcissism, (of course it's more complicated than that) and it is destructive if untreated. This video is more useful to those with depression and severe lack of self love.
If you really loved yourself you would try to make good choices tho
Friends don't let friends destroy their lives!
I love her voice. So smooth and gentle. It makes me feel calm. Thank you so much.
L.A.M Panda and got me reflecting on my own thoughts.
Now you've made me cry
This brought me to tears, the good ones from deep within - so thank you
I actually cried reciting those loving words to myself ;(
This should be like something we tell to ourselves every day before starting our day. Love it
This seems similar to the chapter in J. Peterson's book: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.
Possibly, one of the most helpful lines I have heard this year
Which in turn is similar to every single one of the hundreds of self improvement books that came before his. Sadly, most books under that category have one original idea (at best) and copy the work of other until they have enough pages to be published.
Peterson being one of the most overrated human on earth nowadays.
That being said, the quote is still important, thank you
Maybe that's because there's nothing new under the sun? Some ideas are simply universal and you don't always need something new. You just need the right kind of voice that resonates with you, telling the same things.
J Peterson didn't invent self love. It's part of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).
My deep research shows that we all need not and should not think TOO high of ourselves and Never think TOO LOW of ourselves . It has to be a healthy view andsince we are not born perfect our mind will always see something wrong with us.Easy said than done but having a BALANCED view of ourselves has to be learned over time and with patience. LOVE YOU ALL !
Timing of this video could not have been more perfect. Thank you!!
Every now and then I watch this video for consolation and to remind me of treating myself better in as many aspects as I can .
When you have no friends it's easy to be a friend to yourself lol. Friends come and go but we are stuck with ourselves to the end. We all have a voice in our head, that is our friend giving us someone to talk too 😊
come here from time to time and it never fails to make me cry
It is almost always the case: you are the greatest obstacle on your way. But thank God there are ways to deal with it. Here are some:
1. When you finally realise that you do deserve to exist indeed, you also realise that for better or worst, it won't last long. And this is the major reason why you should constantly feel mercy for yourself. Just listen to Doc Watson singing the following song, you will understand...I am always in awe of the wisdom in folk songs:
AND AM I BORN TO DIE
And am I born to die,
To lay this body down?
And must my trembling spirit fly
Into a world unknown?
And must my trembling spirit fly
Into a world unknown?
Soon as from earth I go,
What will become of me?
Eternal happiness or woe
Must then my portion be
Eternal happiness or woe
Must then my portion be
A land of deepest shade
Unpierced by human thoughts
That weary region of the dead
Where all things are forgot
That weary region of the dead
Where all things are forgot
You can complement this with the wonderful, truly wonderful piece of music " Quando Corpus Morietur" by Giovanni Battista Pergolesi. Poor guy died when he was only 26 from tuberculosis...
2. Lacan says that the Christian injunction " love thy neighbour as thyself" must be ironic, because people hate themselves!
But on an interview with Paul Holdengräber, Elisabeth Gilbert offers us a very beautiful solution to this: She says that we all want to be good and kind in this world. And indeed we have a great opportunity at hand: since we have ourselves 24 hours available, the best way to really "practise" this sort of kindness is to start with ourselves!
3. Often we have no idea about how cruel we are on ourselves. It all seems so "normal" to us... So if you want to have an idea about how good a companion you are to yourself, you can start with a " self compassion" test on Dr. Kristine Neff's website.
4. The new ones among us may not know that "The Book of Life" website is the brain of this channel. There you have a great article called:
"A Self-Compassion Exercise"
5. The very best way to "cultivate compassion" withing you, for yourself and for everybody is meditation really. It is not complicated at all.
You can start by watching a short lesson on Mindfulness, from Yale Lectures. Just reach on youtube for this:
" Human Emotion 18.2: Emotions and Health II Mindfulness"
The professor is excellent! I started meditating with the guided meditation podcasts she recommends and they are extremely helpful. To find that podcast you can search on Itunes for this:
"UCLA Hammer Meditation"
There are several episodes and all of them are great. But you can start with one of these:
" Deepen your concentration"
" Working with Thoughts"
" Using Meditation Anchor"
6. The idea that we don't have to "achieve" anything in order to be loved and valued is so important too. In her wonderful book " Daring Greatly", Brene Brown gives you enough reasons and ways to "internalise" this thought. She reminds you of how hard but how important it is to be able to say this one simple thing:
" I am enough".
This is very useful.. thanks!
Hello Lee! You are most welcome. Thanks a lot for reading all this :- )
:)
Actually, practicing understanding, compassion or love on yourself is the greatest way to understand others. We seem to separate our experiences from the rest of the people, yet on many levels what we see in ourselves is what we will find in others. So, self-compassion is the very starting point of lovind and understanding others. Lua, thank you. I have seen a couple of comments from you and I find them really helpful. Take good care of yourself!
This immediately had me in tears. Thank you so much for this video.
1:33 PHOTOSYNTHESIS
Sometimes sincere self acceptance doesn't require melodramatic hypnotic suggestive consolation but honest and humble self reflection and down-to-earth letting go of unrealistic self expectation.
pramana There are many paths up the mountain. May yours bring your blessings, as much as anyone else who has found self-accusation.
Melodrama is itself a condescending way of treating others as if seeking sympathy rather than expression of genuine acceptance and understanding that does not require any exaggeration.
pramana I see your point but why presume the narrator's tone as melodramatic? It might as well be consoling or nurturing... Plus there's isn't any exaggeration I think
Agreed!!
These 2 mins healed me from inside ...
I wanted to cry when i saw this because of the fact that i usually say these things to myself on the regular
this video shows up right when i feel the worst of myself, I feel like crying rn
i fell in love with the voice-over artist !
This woman has an angelic voice.
this video really made my day. i've been going through a tough time trying to find myself, but this made me feel so warm and lovely. thank u for ur videos, they really make my days so much better (especially this one). 🍒🍒
I'm always amazed at how many people relate to this/ find parts of themselves here . I feel less special and less alone the more I learn.
This was exactly what I needed to hear. ...From myself.
Repeated the words as she said them. Wow i feel like crying. I NEED to love myself so much more than i do
I struggle with being my own best friend. These words of acceptance to self made me cry. My mind literally just got done expressing how it felt not enough, like it will never been good enough in anyway for anyone. Why can't I just have genuine relationships and be loved unconditionally? Well, I need to be that for myself in every way it seems, before I am able to have any friends or chosen family that accept me in that way. Learning how to become my own best friend, has been a challenge for me. Thank you for this video.
everytime im falling apart i come to this video and it helps to be a little less miserable. today is my birthday and it has been a lonely and sad day. im deeply lost and unhappy. my parents are getting divorced, im having troubles with anxiety and stress from college and i tend push people away in any relationship. just cant deal properly with my emotions. but this video... it makes me a little less sad.
thank you, school of life.
Mariana Lopes I hope you are doing better now. I send you the best wishes.
:)
CDX1080 i am :)))))) thx!!
Mariana Lopes That's great! It makes me happy! I'm happy for you!
I don't know why I got tears in my eyes.
This thought alone that it's just not you makes you feel so much more at ease with the truth
This just makes me think about how much I've failed to get a close friend and makes me feel pathetic towards myself and hate myself even more for ending up lonely and lost then dying and no shit will even remember me.
Thank school of life
Never knew that I could be moved to tears in less than 2 minutes.
Short video with a gigantic lesson.
The moment I started to respect myself more was when I looked back every misfortune that has ever happened to me, noticed that I went through them despite having depression, ADHD, Bipolar disorder... and having immense self hatred...and thought to myself:
"How am I still alive?"
This thought had so much weight to me because I knew the answer: It was because I was resilient, much more than I ever thought I was. Life chewed me up and spat me out, and I still had the nerve and audacity to continue living. Even the extremely self-hating me from back then was impressed.
I am an awesome human being, and nothing and no one can and ever will tell me otherwise. Sure, I'll be angry at myself or even hate myself briefly, but I'll bounce back. I always have, and always will.
I typed this mostly for myself; but on the off chance that one person who really, really needed to read what I wrote read reads this, then it's worth it to leave this comment. :)
You literally have been through so much worse than whatever it is you're going through. And despite everything that's happened, *you're still alive.* It may not seem like much but it actually means something.
That amount of strength is incredible, and deserves a compliment, no?
Tears come to my eyes while I repeat after her
Please can we have this female voice more, its so soouthing and easy to listen too. The guys is to formal and snobby and i switch of listening to him ramble on.
I think his voice is just fine. Plus you didn't have to insult him. He's just trying to help.
nooo, I LOVE Alain!
There is nothing snobby about Alain, whatsoever! Think you may just be a little misunderstood. He's just well-spoken.
This is really nice to hear right now because my best friend went a little insane and has been cursing me out lately. I know she has mental problems and so do I, but it does mean that I have to wait until she wants to be a friend again. So, I have to be my own friend because I'm all I am right now.
Tjis teachrs not only hoe to be a true friend with yourself but how to be a friend to others. One step at a time though. Love yourdelf then others.
Robert Warren Robertson Jr some have never seen love and therefore do not know how to give it, this could help.
This is something I'm trying to do for myself. Last year, I think I was the worst to myself that I have ever been. At one point, I wondered what I did to deserve so much hatred from myself.
Refraining from putting myself down was a good first start.
Ive heard this so many times.. Its so healing. Thank you for this
The video isn't about settling for less, it's about acceptance. There's a great difference.
You settle for less when you think you're a lost cause. You believe you were born flawed (while others might not be) and there's nothing to do about it.
Acceptance instead is about being human in your own way, together with everybody else. The value of these goals, and your heroism, lies in the fact that you're getting there with all your flaws.
When I was listening to this vid, I believed that the Lord Jesus was speaking to me through this. It really began to touch my heart. Thank you for making this. May God bless you. X
I cry watching this.
This made me cry a lot. I always wish someone would tell me these but all along, I just need to tell these to myself.
Every morning and night I repeat those words .
The voice is really soothing along with the music. What you have said is really true..... We often forgive others but fail to find forgiveness for ourselves. Mistakes are a part of life and accepting it is really helpful.
I'm curious... Why do we treat ourselves so bad? I've always felt like a wall stopping me from being kind to myself, or even accepting kindness from others.
It feels like I shouldn't do it, like I'm not allowed.to do so.
Been like this for years, since i was a kid... It just makes me sad to feel this way.
Francisco Javier Zapata Pardo you're not alone. I feel like this also :-) Maybe it will make you feel better to know that you are not truly alone in what you feel but you are more like others then you know .I think we treat ourselves bad to answer your question from deep rooted insecurities. I wrote all my insecurities down in paper and that helped me see why I talk so bad about myself.
Thehumbledmommy thank you, I'll it give a try :)
It is maybe our parents’ voices in our heads 😕
I think our ego gets in the way of feeling true happiness. It tells us ‘you can’t be happy until you are more rich/strong/powerful’ so we never allow ourselves to sit and be happy exactly where we are with what we have. I think that’s the key to happiness and helping with depression, is getting to a place where you truly feel ok with yourself in the now, no matter what’s wrong or not working in your life. Sending loving thoughts to all who read this.
I saved your comment to read from time to time for when I forget this
I have been truly hard to myself, though some of it has been very chastising, it has also been self realization that I must grow more as a person and let go of my fears.
I am existing
Mikisaywhat start living
Good. You deserve to.
This made me cry, but good tears. I'm so hard on myself. When I feel small and without power and agency (social agency or professional competence) I tend to want to lash out and hurt people by any possible, and any means necessary I get (at least I have power within society, even if it's one of the most harmful destructive kind). I think at least I have some power then, but then I realize what's happening... and it's too late. Then I feel terrible, and feel like I am living out a sentence of damnation in my mortal life. Then it's like I'm carrying around a lifetime's supply of shame.
This video just brought tears to my eyes!
What a kind, consoling voice.
Her voice is amazing
This is so difficult. Especially if you were lead to believe you weren't good enough by your parents when you were a child.
Literally broke down at this video. I have to dig into this more. Thank you SoF.
This made me tear up a little. I needed this, thank you guys and thanks to the artist who made this animation 💛 I love it
This is so difficult! I've been bullied in school and I still struggle, 24 years after.
What was the music in the background??
Chinmay Sanghi Bensound better days
Always look forward to these videos!
it makes me cry.
This brought tears to my eyes, thank you very much!
I loved your text, thank you internet for showing people who are in another country and that has different culture but we feel so much about feeling the same as us.
I very much enjoyed her narration. Her voice is very soothing. Would love it if she was more videos in the future
I cried during this..
This brought tears to my eyes
Wow! Beautiful! I am going to listen to this daily, multiple times! So soothing to my broken heart!
Thanks so much
This made me cry. Thank you. I needed this.
This video made me cry.
The simple animation was perfect and added so much to the message of this important video.
Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring message. The soft-spoken tone really reaches our inner self and makes us feel comfortable in the fact that we are good enough. We are exactly who we are meant to be, and it's important to raise ourselves up so we can live full out.
This made me cry.
Such a relief.....
I cried so much after this
Thank you.
this one made me cry. literately.
One of the most beautiful videos I've ever seen
I know this is an aspirin pill in video form but that POV shot @0:22 is so touching
this video is absolutely touching
De verdad le agradezco a quien traduce estos vídeos al español ♥️
I think that since I have been easy and lenient with myself my whole life, I am a failure today.
So, if I don't be strict with myself now, I won't be able to achieve my goals
"When we compare ourselves to other ppl..We are usually comparing ourselves to their strengths"..(not even considering the weaknesses they have)...Quote by Sam Adeyemi
It actually works and it's necessary for a good life. Let's give it a try. Or many.
the people that disliked this video. must be so sadly bitter.... love yourself!
Always been my own best friend! Feels awesome! (I do have other close friends as well though)