I trust him with my life but he has repeatedly lied to me about an emotional affair and I am mortally wounded. I am stuck monitoring social media. He has deleted her and says it was only a friend and we weren’t communicating well. Well, He’ll no we weren’t!! He was messaging her non stop for 9 months and ignoring me. I only found out when I had to use his phone and she was messaging nonstop while I had it. I am stuck. I am seeing a counselor and have lost my zest for life. I am an upbeat take charge person, but I can’t fix myself and I still don’t have answers. I feel like that is another lie. “I don’t know” is just a way to ignore my questions. I’m mourning what I lost and the security that I never had to question. I’m so sad. We have been married 49 years and I don’t know if I will live long enough to get over it.
I was married 26 years. My D Day was 2 1/2 years ago. My D Day was on day one of our family vacation. I totally understand your devastation in your marriage.
I am in the same boat as you. 3 years since my learing of my wife's cheating. Every day is a struggle. i've always been a glass is half full kind of guy but this has completely thrown a wrench into my brain and mental health.
How do u trust your unfaithful spouse again ? Like if u give them another chance and they do it again, then who do u blame ? Not them, not your counselor, not anyone but yourself for wasting your time. Your friends and family who told you to let go will have less empathy for you and just one thing to say... 'TOLD YOU SO! Plus after 2nd betrayal, your ability to trust is gone forever !
Why is it blame? You didn't chose to betray someone and honestly although it hurts, a second chance is not decades of betraying yourself persay. You take a calculated risk and the other person still falls, short, you move on. Not because you are so strong and smart but because you are having to protect yourself. Worrying about looking stupid is a waste of time. We blame victims for others bad behavior and that is not helpful. It also discourages the offender from seeing their problems. Encouraging someone to see they have some control and say in a relationship and the option to work themselves away if necessary is good. It doesn't involve blame. Also everyone is a bit different but if you want to trust again, just like if the cheater wants to stop, you can. There are ways of thinking and behaving that you need to achieve any goal, good or bad. I didn't believe it but I was able to trust again, each time a little less. However what is most dangerous is knowing your beliefs about your choices and if things go bad will you lose trust in your judgement because of your expectations.
There is a lot of helpful advice in this video. Thank you. Does Affair Recovery offer any actual one-on-one counseling? Is there a link within the website? Prices, options, Etc?
Hey Lanie thanks for reaching out to AR! We would love to answer any questions you may have. Please submit your questions to info@hope-now.com and we would be happy to assist you. To healing!
I trust him with my life but he has repeatedly lied to me about an emotional affair and I am mortally wounded. I am stuck monitoring social media. He has deleted her and says it was only a friend and we weren’t communicating well. Well, He’ll no we weren’t!! He was messaging her non stop for 9 months and ignoring me. I only found out when I had to use his phone and she was messaging nonstop while I had it. I am stuck. I am seeing a counselor and have lost my zest for life. I am an upbeat take charge person, but I can’t fix myself and I still don’t have answers. I feel like that is another lie. “I don’t know” is just a way to ignore my questions. I’m mourning what I lost and the security that I never had to question. I’m so sad. We have been married 49 years and I don’t know if I will live long enough to get over it.
so sorry to read your story, may God give you the healing you need!
I was married 26 years. My D Day was 2 1/2 years ago. My D Day was on day one of our family vacation.
I totally understand your devastation in your marriage.
Your story is my story…only been married nearly 33 years. I sincerely hope you are functioning better now. I want to feel better too
Me too, 32 years. How are you both doing now? The words "it meant nothing " get thrown around a lot.
I am in the same boat as you. 3 years since my learing of my wife's cheating. Every day is a struggle. i've always been a glass is half full kind of guy but this has completely thrown a wrench into my brain and mental health.
ATTUNE:
Awareness
Turning toward
Tolerance
Understanding
Non-defensive response
Empathy
How do u trust your unfaithful spouse again ? Like if u give them another chance and they do it again, then who do u blame ? Not them, not your counselor, not anyone but yourself for wasting your time. Your friends and family who told you to let go will have less empathy for you and just one thing to say... 'TOLD YOU SO!
Plus after 2nd betrayal, your ability to trust is gone forever !
Why is it blame? You didn't chose to betray someone and honestly although it hurts, a second chance is not decades of betraying yourself persay. You take a calculated risk and the other person still falls, short, you move on. Not because you are so strong and smart but because you are having to protect yourself. Worrying about looking stupid is a waste of time. We blame victims for others bad behavior and that is not helpful. It also discourages the offender from seeing their problems. Encouraging someone to see they have some control and say in a relationship and the option to work themselves away if necessary is good. It doesn't involve blame. Also everyone is a bit different but if you want to trust again, just like if the cheater wants to stop, you can. There are ways of thinking and behaving that you need to achieve any goal, good or bad. I didn't believe it but I was able to trust again, each time a little less. However what is most dangerous is knowing your beliefs about your choices and if things go bad will you lose trust in your judgement because of your expectations.
I like the thought that my spouse has my best interests at heart, like I've always had his. I guess it's just faith.
I agree. However my unfaithful spouse refuses to aknowledge my feelings because in doing so would solidify her wrongdoings.
That puts you in a tough position, for sure. Best of luck.
This is fantastic information thank you
Great Info 👏🏼
There is a lot of helpful advice in this video. Thank you. Does Affair Recovery offer any actual one-on-one counseling? Is there a link within the website? Prices, options, Etc?
Hey Lanie thanks for reaching out to AR! We would love to answer any questions you may have. Please submit your questions to info@hope-now.com and we would be happy to assist you. To healing!
@@AffairrecoveryLLC , thank you. Maybe I'll compose an email explaining my needs and we'll go from there.