Kurt Metzger - The Playdate from Hell - This Is Not Happening
Vložit
- čas přidán 23. 05. 2019
- A childhood playdate gets weird when Kurt Metzger’s friend suggests they play “police.” (Contains strong language.)
Follow Kurt Metzger on Twitter: @kurtmetzger
About This Is Not Happening:
Now hosted by Roy Wood Jr., This Is Not Happening features long-form storytelling from stand-up comedians, musicians and more. These outrageous stories show why real-life experiences always make the best material.
Subscribe to Comedy Central Stand-Up: / @standup
Watch more Comedy Central Stand-Up: / standup
Follow Comedy Central Stand-Up:
Twitter: / standup
Facebook: / standup
Instagram: / ccstandup
Watch full Comedy Central stand-up specials: www.cc.com/topic/stand-up
#StandUp .
Comedy Central Stand-Up: Anti-Bias Statement: www.cc.com/info/k32ti7/ccsu-a... - Komedie
"Oh yeah, there was this thing where everyone on the block, they all got sisters one year." 😂 I need more explanation, pleeze!
It's called keeping up with the Joneses.
it was a relatively well off suburb so after one family adopted, to keep up the competitive front, neighbors adopted also (I'm guessing mostly girls)
Joel Kim Booster has a stand up about this actually! In the 80s international adoption from a lot of asian countries became really popular especially in religious communities.
Probably exchange students .
You don't need more explanation (waves hand)
These are not the orphans you are looking for (sweats)
One credit I have to give kurt is his uniqueness. A lot of modern comedians blend together. Between his weird appearance and having the balls to tell this story, I thinks he really stands out.
If only he weren’t a total dick irl
@@knifedance2402 why
Even if i dont find someone that funny if they are original ill def give them the props
Is it just me, or does this dude look a bit like Rodney Dangerfield with a pinch of Mr. Bean?
And sounds like Dan Soder
@@portlandgoose4727 stop both of you.
Rodney Dangerbean
I tell ya, you got no respect lol
If you don’t mind me asking what does your name mean in English?
dude this guys funny hes got that old school kind of comedy feel and his attitude worked great with the story hope to see more of him
He kinda has Rodney Dangerfields eyes
Someone stole all my muscle men when i was a kid. Had to go back to the beginning so I could rule Kurt Metzger out as a suspect. Then I remembered the kids' name was Joey. I'll get you Joey.
Muscle we’re fun but the Guts army men were the bomb.
I dare you to try
Literally every one of these videos' comments section is complaining about the intro, yet CC keeps using it.
These are my favorite videos on this channel
Don't ever let this show die, CC.
Mexican got on boots, CC!
oh, they did
Metzger is straight nuts, love it. when you're too crazy for Rogan, that's legit lol
Nobody is ever too crazy for Rogan unless you’re too smart. That’s how you know to separate the two. Alex Jones/Matt Braunger are too crazy and dumb, Kurt disappeared from media because he was smart
U can see the pain in his eyes
Its all the cocaine.
Thank you, Lego Abbath
I feel like more ppl have a story similar to this and will never tell it
*If Nicolas Cage and Rodney Dangerfield had a son*
bruh
Good luck unseeing this
Russel Peters crossed with Kumail Nanjiani
And their son could not tell a story.
Nicholas Dangercage
Really hoping that Josh got the idea for that game by accidentally witnessing his parents role-playing once. The other possibility is too disturbing to contemplate. 😬
"Just say yikes and move on"
yea....the story sucked because all I could think about was...that kid was abused. :(
@@BarbeeSpeaks I get it, but look at it this way. That kid, that was likely previously abused, has chosen, instead of becoming yet another abuser (as so many unfortunately do)... To try, and instead, find a way to fashion GENUINELY funny stories about those experiences, even if only as a means to cope with it and work through it? you know that old saying; 'If I didn't laugh, I'd die crying'? take it from me. There's more than just a kernel of truth to that.
And, for what it's worth... Now? Now that abused kid, for better or for worse, is doing comedy for a living. literally not just overcoming his traumas by himself, but getting paid to do so in front of a crowd. As, at least as far as the best ones are concerned, all great comics do, one way or another. There are arguably worst professions.
So I guess, in my opinion, with all that being said, I don't think the story sucked. Not at all.
Fucked up? Yes. As is often reality.
Comedy is just another form of entertainment, of Art. And the very best art, no matter the medium, has always drawn upon the most truly compelling of human experiences.
And... Real talk? The source material for such rarely comes from a pretty place. Again... No matter the medium, no matter the emotional take on it.
But with all that being said, to have the courage to not only persevere through abuse, but to go even further and turn those horrific stories into something that can be genuinely found to be funny, and not just to yourself but to others as well... Isn't That, Against All Odds, amazing? To have the courage and the audacity to Laugh in the face of pain and abuse? And persevere through it, beyond it? To maybe provide solidarity to others? And maybe, MAYBE even help them heal themselves through laughter? And then to further be able to Make it your professional calling?
Yeah.
I guess we can agree to disagree, but in my opinion, I don't think the story sucked at all. 😏😎✌
Lucy Hellbroke no no the kid the sodomised him was abused by his parents.
Why does hurt look like he is supposed to be in a claymation movie
I would have to go through a lot of therapy to even consider reflecting on this story. How tf is he telling it to a room of strangers
I just kept thinking some of the dudes laughing nervously in audience were a Josh or Brad at age 8
Kurt Metzger is literally my favorite comedian and has been for a while. That being said, somebody give this man a sandwich or something.
He looks good, I've only seen a few appearances from him but he's seemed to clean up very nicely.
pointless opinion I think it’s cause he’s associated with Amy Schumer
“She beat the drugs out both their asses”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He's been on Jimmy Dore's show a bunch lately; He's fun!!
I love they way he tells the story.
I understand that the reason you start every "This is not happening" with a joke because its a clincher and it draws people in but it makes for a bad user experience. I hate having to skip the first 15 seconds of every video because you ruin usually one of the best jokes in the video. I would love it if you just played the intro instead of a joke and then and intro like you used to a couple years ago.
It's always been like that. Since Ari, everyone complained.
@@andrewmcdonald5275 no they are right, it used to not play a joke and just played a video intro.
I skip a whole minute bc the intros are too fucking long lol
The intros also suck compared to Aris.
I do the same thing!
All I can picture is Big Jay Oakerson's impression of him 😭😂
"THAANK YOOUU"
Start 0:59
Always skip the intro, thanks bro
@@carsen161616 ya NP, just looking out
Sneezy Anus for the win!
RIP Ari. Actually hes prob better off now.
Mr.Sneezy Anus thanks Mr. Anus
'tiny Jewish cop' .... I am dying
I I had no idea Kurt was living with Bean’s Syndrome. Stay strong, brother!
I totally remember the toys he was talking about... Memories.
this guys delivery is so good
When I close my eyes he becomes Randal Skeffington, New York zombie extraordinaire.
Completely forgot muscles existed until today.
Not for nothing but this shows intro is obnoxiously long and unnecessary
Scott Tesfaye yea I think they are just doing it to piss everyone off at this point.
@@luke1035 They are, it's kinda funny
most stories are short and even comedians have to kinda string it out - you can tell her had to string this story out. the intro makes it up to meet that 10 minute mark = youtube profit $$$$$$
They were better when ari did them
Ari actually took artistic credit to the openers, depending on the theme of the show. Now it's comedy Central's not funny execs telling Roy what to do. It's just bad filler
Same thing happened to me as an alter boy, but the ending was way less funny.
This is honestly my favorite show.
I love him! Always hilarious ❤️
Ha, That's exactly how I ruined my beastman
Did you never figure out that that's what Stinkor was *for*? Did you perhaps ruin Mossman, too? Oh, wait--that's a considerably less poignant loss.
Stinkor was my absolute favorite. I quite liked the way he smelled.
His stand up is my favorite
Idk why but Kurt has always reminded me of like 10 of my dads funny friends.
Immediately skips to @1:00 ...
Sweet a new one!
Finally! Actual comedians!
Audience reaction at 5:19 just floored me. :D I can't
love this guy! so funny
I love picturing a board room of middle aged la executives gasing each other tf up about how great the intros are how important how much we're going to love them having a meeting about all of our comments
Fuck yeah! It was the 80's . I stole Muscles and Garbage Pail Kids too. From the stores though. I had them all.
Ooh we got a fresh one!!
That laugh at 8:44 - love it!
Is that Mr. Bean's brother or something?
Mexican got boots
Ah, this explains why there are so many Battle Beasts with the wrong weapons on Ebay.
You are really good n funny.
Thanks
Bruh, Metzger is BLASTED!!
Awesome
I remember all of these toys!!!!
My names Paul and that's between yall. New favorite line🤣
Kurt looks like Rodney Dangerfield in the thumbnail.
I kept thinking that all through.
Oh my god I LOVE this guy.. he's funny but he's got this like really nice sweet guy thing going on.. 😆💞
So funny! 😆
ive never seen someone with a severe coke problem look better physically this deep into addiction.
The parents of the neighborhood arranged a chickenpox party my kindergarten year that ended up being a show and tell of both the male and female genitalia.
haha, seems you were left unsupervised?
@@cras17 yep
Wtf is a chickenpox party were you all anti-vaxx or some shit
@@notsafeformiranda4271 Someone at the chicken pox party infected the rest of us so that we could all get chickenpox when we were young. This was the early 80's.
@@anothermike4825 bet that helped you figure shit out sooner until I was 11 I thought a Virginia was straight forward on a lady's crouch like my dick
Yo I actually had that Slime pit from Masters of the Universe. I think if I can remember it was actually a Hordak invention. Yep Mesa AZ I remember those days I had muscle men and a collection of Garbage Pale kids which I actually stole from a kid who lived down the street lol.
Yo I remember that toy too..crazy
So Kurt was "That kid" that would steal toys from neighborhood kids. My mom had to engrave my name on all my Nintendo games because of "that kid".
He reminds me of a young looking Rodney Dangerfield.
*sigh* The Slime Pit ™ was a contraption from Hordak, not Skeletor. And it ruined Moss Man, not OG Beast Man.
Best use of toy slime compounds...place atop a ceiling fan blade on a warm morning and wait.
I just spit up sprite reading this ahahaha
That's truly mean
That sir, is a dick move.
Have a thumb.
dudes top putting the punchlines of the jokes in the intro man
No Christmas or Hanukkah? How the hell do you get your dose of American Capitalism?!
by defying all doctrine, ditching the religion, and pursuing stand-up comedy.
Checked this out cause of jimmy dore. Great stuff Kyle. Stay on Jimmy's show dig ya
Damn, Kurt looked like a different person not long ago.
1:18 anyone else see the ‘Hi’ in the backlights in every one of these?
When your therapist says that you negate your childhood trauma by making a joke out of it all......
I remember the slime toy!!
Always liked this guy when I heard him on SiriusXM, though I haven't heard him in a while.
i fucking love the intros idc
Wasn't from lack of trying 🤣
Memories are dangerous.
This is some messed up junk.... I laughed the whole time...
This reminds me of the scene in the junkyard in Stephen King's IT.
0:54 Skipperino the intro
Wish this comment was pinned at the top
😂😂😂😂😂😂he is funny
0:54 Time to grab the headphones...I thought Kurt Metzger was introduced as Crapmaster. Nope....that totally sounded like Crapmaster.
Pauly Shore u tweakin stop doing drugs
"What's the deal with pitchfork mobs?"
boom!
The pie-to-the-face intro was so perfect! The contented grin followed by a head-snapping impact cracked me up good 😊
My new prayer is....Dear God, if I die please let it be on the don't let this happen intro moments.
Is his brother Guy Metzger? One of Mixed Martial Arts earlier fighters who fought out of the Lions Den.
Either Kurt got lucky, or someone finally figured out a decent look for him.
Dude used to dress like a walmart pedophile and now he looks like he books jazz bands. Not exactly a 180, but it's a huge step up.
😂😂
eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, idk man.
Eh I like the pulled sleeve checkered shirt and beard thing he had a lot.. Made him look like a normal New Yorker guy
I will tell you even though I'm a few years late that the skunk heman doesn't smell 20 years later. My dad had em as a kid and when I was growing up and was made to stay at my grandparents house they let me play with them, and it only smelled like dust lmao
i got caught stealing muscles
WOAH! He aged like 15 years in a matter of 2 years! WTF happened?
Hard drugs happened
He also lost weight.
trump?
I was the neighborhood marble thief at 5, I would even break in to houses when people were gone to steal cool marbles... Never went thru the teenage klepto phase tho.
1:56 Those were Kinnikuman figures. Those were HUGE in Japan for a while, no idea they got imported to the west.
He's soo high darn
Tried saying"my name's Paul and that shit's between y'all" on someone's crazy crazy ex and that woman demanded to speak to Paul for months lol?
I am confused as to why there is a question mark at the end of what is clearly a statement.
In lieu of a what-gives-shrug-emoji it was my stylistic choice LOL. You make a good point, mostly it was a really puzzling situation because said ex has on more than one occasion attempted to get someone to tell her "exactly who that Paul fellow was..."
That was horrifying.
He had the slime pit! Who had that!
Pretty funny
this guy is a combination of Forrest Gump and Randy Newman
Goddamnit, CZcams comment section. Now I can't unsee it. And I'm only 3 minutes in. 😂
Huehue interesting story telling
This story is harrowing 😳😩😳
I want to hear more about the Vietnamese sister
Bro this guy loooks like BOB from bobs burgers
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣