START Standing-Up For Yourself As An Adult Man!
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 5. 06. 2024
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Timestamps:
0:00 - How To Stand Up For Yourself As An Adult Man
1:22 - Rule #1
3:01 - Rule #2
6:49 - Objections?
8:35 - Rule #3
11:41 - Tool #1
13:16 - Tool #2
15:16 - Tool #3
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Why is standing up for yourself so important?
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Hey Antonio
Just wanted to let you know
From one marine to another
I just graduated from MCRD SD
Just finished my leave and now am heading to SOI
Give me a shout out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Semper FI
Great video. I remember early on in my relationship with my wife I started calling her a pet name she ended up not liking, so she asked me to stop. Later she started calling me a pet name I didn't like. When I asked her to stop she told me I'd just have to deal with it. I responded by calling her the pet name she didn't like. Instantly she realized the double standard she was trying to push and apologized. She stopped calling me that pet name I didn't like. Stay strong gents, have self respect and others of value will respond in kind.
wise women, rare breed nowdays
This is a REALLY important topic. Assertiveness is something I always struggle with. Seems like I'm either being walked all over or making people upset. I can't help but think that happens BECAUSE people are so used to my niceness that any resistance contrasts that in a big way
People get upset when they don't get their way. You are right, people grow accustomed to manipulating people to get the result they want and when you put down boundaries they get "offended"
I always found it funny the same ones complaining about me being direct were the same ones out of line in the first place. I have no tolerance for the games, lack of respect and manipulation. So I shut it down or call it out as soon as I see it being done with me. Some say that's "aggressive" or "confrontational" but I think it's just having some self respect and boundaries.
Donât worry king, itâs ok to say no if you canât do something. They will get over it
Obviously, I don't know you, but sometimes people who are not assertive become aggressive when they finally get fed up. Of course, sometimes the other person is being unreasonable. Because you can only control yourself, it might be good to make sure that you're saying "no" in a courteous and kind manner. I like the techniques offered in this video because they can be memorized to be used when a situation suddenly arises and you have to think on your feet.
I used to be a doormat with my first love. Used to live by "Happy Wife Happy Life". I've since learned it's "Happy Spouse Happy House". Love Respect and Boundaries NEED to be a two way street for any successful relationship.
Here's another one no wife happy life
Saying word "No" is more impactful to make yourself stand out which is important nowadays
Yes!
@@RealMenRealStyle Agreed.
And this grown ass woman says "No." is a full sentence. Helping doesn't mean taking responsibility for everyone else's issues. Helping can be giving phone numbers or links to resources. That's how I do it.
This is peak masculinity. There's nothing more powerful than a man knowing how to say no. Great video.
Choose the right people to be around - you can be calm, courteous and assertive - yet if the people youâre communicating with are unstable and out to lunch, you wonât achieve what you set out to achieve. Know when to back away.â€
Started learning this in my 20s, better late than never. I used writing as an avenue to make sense of my boundaries and my nature. Wasn't deeply religious, naturally an empath, and was taught to sacrifice my wants and needs to create as much peace as possible. Not necessarily due to abuse, but I just was never taken seriously when I was younger. It was definitely the most exposed in ny romantic relationships, where I understood just how wrong those habits affected me when there was an issue that needs addressed as I bottled up and tolerated so much that I wouldn't explode, but I felt a loss of control of myself.
Took solitude to allow me enough introspection to start responding to boundaries being challenged at the moment of occurrence. Though I also emphasize control over how much past rage affects you during these times. It's easy to let it slip out. This is only for fellows who are just recently unlearning passivity.
Everything I said and did for my mother and my wife was never enough. At 20 I ended all contact with my mother, at 45 I got a divorce
Sorry to hear that - how are you holding up?
People who canât say no canât stand when people tell them no.
All these years later did you reignite your relationship with your mother ?
@@ManHandleSnowflakes no. She never even met my kids. She was a alcoholic who died of lung cancer.
@@RealMenRealStyle I met someone a couple of years after my divorce and it lasted 6 months before they died of a heart attack. Im now 65 and retired. I do not date anymore and live alone.
"No" and "vacation" are the two most powerful words in the American English language. Having emergency savings worth a year of bills empowers a man not to be a door mat. No fear of lossing a job. It also means making sacrifices and character building to achieve that level of wealth. I'm never scared to cut my income in half for another job. I learned so much about money and industries in the process.
I've always believed in the art of saying NO and then nothing after it. Explaining yourself afterwards is opening up a negotiation that is not necessary. Saying as few words as possible to communicate your point commands respect.
Takes courage in todays society to lift men like that bravo!
I had an upcoming gig with a bandmate with a very short notice, and he showed up to rehearsal with his new girlfriend. One hour into practice she starts pressuring him to leave because of some "honeymoon-phase" dinner they had with her family. I didn't want to overstep, but I did feel ambushed because I had cleared my own agenda and reserved quality time for full rehearsal. I let it slide for one single time, as I felt on the edge of saying regretable things, but I dif have the talk with my bandmate, I let him know how important my time was to cut rehearsal short because he was acting like a doormat, and let him know it was normal, and important to defend rehearsal time at all cost (are we musicians or not?), even if it meant coming across like selfish a$$holes to other people. Defending time for himself or my his mission, is the one single most important moments where any man should be fine with being seen like an a$$hole.
One of the most important lessons to be assertive is the notion that whatever happens whether you decide or not to set up boundaries/stand up for your self, or not, you are now responsible for the outcome. It does not shine good light on you to complain about the mistreatment of others when no assertive action has been taken - it is considered by others that you are complaining about the compromises you made.
Conversely, by being a person who is capable of saying No, establish and enforce boundaries, and walk away from circumstances in respectful but effective ways, you communicate to others that you are a man who manages and respects himself well.
Bonus: It makes you so attractive to women!
One of the best advice I ever got was that we only have a limited number of Yes answers but unlimited no.
Iâll watch this video later. But based off the title.
Bro. Stop glorifying the đ±. Maintain boundaries.
You know that thing women do when they get ticked off or upset and they playfully slap you or smack you? I hate that.
This girl I was trying to get with I went on a date with and she did that slapping thing and I told her to stop or I would leave her there if she did it once more.
Weâve been seeing each other for 5 years. Sheâs never done it since.
Set boundaries and respect yourself and she will respect you, too. If she doesnât, itâs very easy: LEAVE.
very important subject
Agreed!
One of the best things I did to improve myself is joining a lodge. Having dozens, if not hundreds, of brothers who will look out for you and support you has literally saved my life. Your last piece of advice is the best one. As iron sharpens iron, so to do good men improve each other. I've allowed myself to become too complacent in life and after 24 years of being married, I'm facing the possibility if not reaching 25. My support network has kept me strong and doesn't judge.
For me , trying to be a constant people pleaser only lead to burn out and fueled further inner conflict .
When l wore a younger man's clothes , l'd permit others to emotional manipulate me , in order to receive acceptance and validation , until l realized my self respect was equally important . Reprioritizing myself made a world of difference , even if it made me appear selfish and narrascistic . Today l have zero concern whether others may like me or not and as a result have found contentment and a greater level of self-esteem by not always being agreeable .
Antonio! Great stuff as always. I'm a recovering people pleaser with nearly two years of sobriety now. When I quit drinking, and put my life in line with my values, my self development skyrocketed. My priorities are, in order: Faith, self-care, family, business, and play/recreation. I try to fulfill these by my values of integrity, courage, commitment, and perseverance, and discernment. I'm a cattle hauler, and a cowboy of sorts, so I wrote this little poem to better help me embody my values and establish my own sort of code or creed. It's as metaphorical as it is practical. It goes like this:
Keep your leather oiled and your fences tight
Work and pray with all your might.
Know when to give and when to stand
Always ride for your own brand.
Persevere through all kinds of weather
Treat your neighbors well and your critters better.
-John "Skinner"
A good way to quit any addiction is changing your self image. This can be any addiction. From pornography to hardcore drugs.
What I mean by changing your self image, im saying to trick yourself. Instead of saying âIâm trying to quit blankâ, say instead, âI donât blankâ.
Here is an example:
James hangs out with his three friends. All four of them are heavy smokers and James wants to quit. His friend offers James a sig and he says âno thanks, Iâm trying to quit smokingâ. His friend are bugging him and keep telling him. James is sweating and he likes the smell and then, he grabs the joint and takes a puff. He is back to smoking
Henry is in the same situation. Instead he says, âno thanks, I donât smokeâ. His friends leave him alone and donât offer one again. Donât tell them your trying to stop, tell them you donât do it period.
This really helped me
I got this info from a CZcamsr named Hamza. He is a mental health CZcamsr. I love that guy.
Great vid. Its all about "What do I say no to right now so that I can say yes to the most important things to me in my life."
Most men have heard the word - No. So donât be afraid to say it.
If someone else is offended by you not agreeing to them, then they donât care about you but what you do for them.
Confidence is the key to say no when it's necessary! Loved your video!!!
Exactly!
Thanks !! This a much-needed message !!
Iâm self-employed single father Iâve set my boundaries in life with my government my sons mother my business customers my own family. I can honestly say Iâm much more fulfilled in life and at 34 I can say I have purpose. Keep truckin on men!
Whoever's doing your video thumbnails is doing a phenomenal job of it! I'm wanting to click on all of them.
I've experienced this, my Mom and Grandma always want me to go to a prayer group with them, I'm pretty religious myself, probably the most compared to my siblings and the other young ones of the family, but I don't like going because prayer groups don't align with my principles, I'd actually stay late at uni on purpose, so that when the transport came, I'd miss it, eventually, I just told my Mom that I didn't want to go, not because I was lazy, but I just didn't like it, my Mom was pretty confused but she respected my decision
Totally agree with all these points! I found myself trying my best to "people please" and saying yes too many times to where I make commitments that cross over prior engagements. The rest of the rules and tips sound helpful and I will try my best to use them
Really a great one here, Antonio. Always hear you and some others say (and this is a big one, which I have known and now understood for a while) something to the degree of, "Never apologize for something that you have not done wrong." I am younger, in my late 20s, and thankfully understand that a partner, especially a new one, should not be trying to sway your beliefs, and you should try to stand firm with reason and good communication, despite it possibly being difficult.
Great video! I typically lead with no, if someone asks they are pleasantly surprised when I say yes, it adds to everyoneâs excitement. at the job when it comes to training the new employees, at home when it comes to attending something, or even being asked to borrow money. If someone is expecting a no and receive a yes the overall excitement is higher, the downside I guess is the anxiety I cause people being afraid to asks anticipating a no as a response from me.
Love the video. Life is hard and has the ups and downs, but the only thing ultimately is how we respond to the situations.
If we respond in a positive way or stick up for ourselves, then it means we are not getting trapped in the moment and are thinking about the bigger picture.
This is something I have been working on a lot lately...
Thank you Antonio, I really love how you help men to achieve their goals and to always better themselves.
I'm glad to see how Manhood CZcams is rising and that it really helps men to understand how to become high value and most importantly makes us realize that we are not alone. There are many individuals that want to become great and this helps with the building of this large community that in this point in time really needs to exist.
Great video. Thanks for the gold advices Antonio.
Thank you, Antonio. This was a great video. There's a lot of encouragement and challenge here, and we all need that.
I just left a job with good pay that was not respecting my boundaries. They told me I would work the hours I laid out when I was hired, but instead had me in at obscure times, working long hours, and doing other people's work every day. They were even trying to "promote" me, with no increase in pay! Just more hours and more work! I'm a college student, just trying to get by and find a career where I can grow as a man.
When I pushed back against them, I saw that double standards were surfacing, and knew I needed to do something. I realized that I was "the doormat" of the company, because I was "a nice guy," and when I challenged that, management did NOT respond well. So I did the hard thing, found a new job with a bit of a pay-cut in an environment that will respect my time, my schedule, my boundaries.
I appreciate your respect for the religious men out there. I'm a Christian, and so the boundary of "Sundays are for God" has been essential in my work/school life. I also find that I have so much more meaningful purpose when I'm pursuing God throughout the week. It impacts people. I have many people ask me why I am the way that I am, why I work so hard, why I am so peaceful or respectful. I tell them that it's because I have a set of values that I will not compromise, and I am living for something outside of myself.
Keep doing what you do, Antonio. Your work does a lot for us young (and less young) men out here!
Great video, Antonio!! Love your commitment toward keeping true to staying away from inner destructive habits since my career is working in detox. Engaging in style and down-to-earth conversations has become so enhanced since following your tips for a while. Thanks for your honesty, forward thinking and overall dedication to people growing into a higher image for themselves. Your inspiration has led me to make barbershop style self care kits and guys just canât believe how much better they feel paying a bit more attention to improve or appreciate the bodies they have today. Stay gold!
OMG I love the concept of the "time left" calendar. I have a 2 year old daughter, and consider myself successful in work/life, but this really hit me hard!! The gears are turning now!
Its funny how I started watching this channel for mens fashion and now these are my favorite videos. Thanks Antonio!
This should be taught at school, and discovering and identifing your personal self values and gour life aims and goals
Thanks for this perspective, Antonio. This has been helpful!
This video is exactly what I needed this morning!!!! Great advice for sure
Amazing video, thanks for the great content!
Love this Antonio! Really hits home for me
This is a great video!
Great advice. Wish this was available a few years back. I helped a female friend/single mother and left me with a debt of ÂŁ000's GBP. Why she did not ask her partner to help with her finances, i.e. rent, utility bills, baby food, etc., I will never know.
Great video! Like always! Iâve been looking through your playlist searching for a video on early 20s and found one, but itâs not as specific, so still a bit lost with so many options of clothing. My goal for this year is to dress better, classier, but being in my early 20s and having no experience or great knowledge like you in style has me lost in a sea of possibilities, please do a video on that! Thanks again man, appreciate your work and advice!
Am I the only one who takes notes during these videos? It's good information!
Thank you!
Great advice, thanks for sharing! The idea of keeping core values to guide decision making is as powerful as it is difficult to maintain in the face of modern day temptations.
You're welcome!
Thanks Antonio, another great video in this series! Such great wisdom that's really needed in the world today.
Thank you for the SUPER THANKS!
I really enjoyed this video and the personal story on drinking. Thanks for uploading this. P.S. Love the Wolverine comic book in the background! :)
I love this because the thumbnail of this reminds me of what I went through with this one girl and that was my exact reaction. She thought she could guilt trip me and ended up just getting even more mad. Because I just looked at her and kept saying ok, sure, whatever you say, mhm, yup. She just left out of my car and started walking off. I went back to her, and told her here, you forgot your stuff. And then I left. It was awesome.
Awesome!! Got here for the fragrances, stayed for the other content. đž
Very cool. I'm glad you brought up this topic. I learned a long time ago to not believe the nice guy model. When I was first learning to set personal boundaries, it came off borderline aggressive. Lol Thanks for sharing. Many men can benefit from this.
Thanks for the video
Man this video was extremely helpful. Right place at the right time type of moments. Thank you
Another great video with important, timely, and balanced content. Also, where did you pick up that awesome challenge coin?
I was with my ex for 3 months and she needed enough income to get the place. She tried so hard to get me to commit to co-signing. Knowing i had money in the bank which would prevent me from being on a low-income lease i told her no. But she wouldnât shut up about it until i went in with her, filled out the form and the employee is like âIâm sorry, with your assets you donât qualify to be on a lease hereâ i politely said thank you and walked out lol. Glad i didnât end up signing anything with her cause we only lasted another 3 months.
Thank you Antonio for this video, it came at a very important time In my life, I'm starting a new job as a graduate and moving places and as a people pleaser I tend to, this reminded me of the importance of self-love and how much i need to keep on reminding myself to be assertive so I can be the best version of my self to help other people. Is there a way I can get one of those nice coins as a reminder to keep on track? Love your videos Greetings from Australia!
Hi! Interestingly, tips for assertiveness are the same if you are female. I am a recovering codependent/fixer personality that also has trouble standing up to others in a conflict. Setting boundaries is the key to playing well with othersđ This has been my experience and your video confirms it.
Amazing important content! You inspire me and keep pushing it! đ
Thank you! Will do!
This video is brilliant, thanks Antonio. Jon
This video came at the right time for me. Needed it!!
Excellent advise. Semper Fidelis.
Every single one of them. All the time it was cut short. Both, with them and relationships.
My faith helps me when to know to say yes or no to many things. It helps give me the solid values to live by. These values are separate from me so they don't change. These steps are great and help in the short and long runs.
PS: Nice Star Wars reference.
This is very good advice. I like all your videos. Assertive Communication is a great way to go. I will definitely take this to heart. I have been used by others it did not feel very good. We live and learn. Thanks for the advice sir.
2 month ago I ended a relationship were I was the living expression of a doormat. I let her bend my time in the most convenient way for her. There would be times i needed to sleep early and she would ask me to this thing for her because she missmanaged her time and wouldn't make it on time. Or times where i wanted to spend time with my family but i would leave early because she wanted me to be with her.
The list goes on and on. I really had no selfsteem back then and was very afraid of letting her down. But now I can look back and be glad that i left that relationship and focused on how i feel and what i want to do.
I had absolutely NO problem with setting my boundaries when it came to not getting the cove vakseen. It was flat-out "NO!" I'm not compromising or negotiating my health and well-being for ANYONE.
Thanks for the video Antonio!
You are a true man, one diligant and dedictated to your work of art!
Resourceful topics! Highly recommended!
Love this channel. You are helping a lot of men be men.
Absolutely right!!!
Thank you!
âïžWith low self esteem comes a tendency to please others, to feel accepted and needed. Perhaps identify what is your root causes and see if itâs something you can adjust. If your overweight, Antonio just gave you inspiration to make a change, and to finally start living life on your terms. Lose the weight and be amazed at how different people treat youâŒïž
My last Girlfriend wanted me to co-sign on a car that I knew she couldnât afford. Needless to say, weâre not together anymore
Antonio, I've been looking for a dark brown blazer like that. Looking sharp!
Where'd you find that one?
Oh, and uhh... Great video and stuff. VitaMAN!
Good stuff man. I tend to be a pushover myself because I love to serve others in the name of Jesus Christ; however, I am learning to say no and set boundaries for myself so that I can stand firm in the situations that really test me.
THANK YOU
Being an abstinent in your teens will teach you to say no better than anything else. For some reason drunks aren't happy unless everyone around them is also drunk
Great video. Helping people move is the worst deal you can ever get. I've always driven a truck amd I've been asked to help people move o er a hundred times and I've never gotten more than cold pizza and warm pop.
They want you to help them move cause a moving company wants to charge them $XXXX. xx. So they Want me to do that much money worth of work for cold pizza and warm pop. I'm never doing it again. I've done it for 20 yrs and I'm never doing it again.
I wish they'd put lessons like this in the school system. Better to take initiative yourself I guess but I just think it would be great for more people to learn this stuff
Awesome video. Iâve decided to implement two years of saying no. đNo longer a yes man. đŻ
Love this! Keep it up.
Iâm like a mafia gangster. I show little emotions speak only when I too. I demand loyalty and my other 50% especially when dating and when I donât get it Iâm quick to cut ties. And when Iâm moving forward and advancing in life or when I wanna vent about things in life and people get defensive about it and say they donât wanna be my friend anymore I tell them âGOOD! Get the fuck outta here!!â
Ray Ban Aviatorâs with a G-15, Randolph Engineering Aviatorâs are my go to sunglasses. They look good with everything.
Impressive, very based.
Any suggestions for books that follow the HARD rule? Or boundary setting in general?
Ok as someone who also doesnât drink does anyone have tips on negotiating social settings (ie. college) that are focused on drinking?
Be assertive, be morally upright and never cross your red lines!
No is a complete sentence. I like thatđ
Don't mistake kindness for weakness!
đ€Ł I couldn't stop laughing! My wife's name is Candace "Candy" and yes I did cosign her loan.
More Content like this Please
Quitting drinking was probably the best decision I ever made.
Hearing the Navy core values on my drive to the ship today threw me off for a secondđ
In meetings at work, I struggle with participating. I feel like others in the meeting are very talkative and there is seldom a time for me to get a word in edgewise. I think that is just an excuse though. How would you recommend I make my voice heard in meetings without comming across as aggressive?
Antonio nice outfit! no way you are benching 225!
OK, let's talk about this. I understand that you don't want to be abused by others , however, if you do nothing for others, then how can you expect others to even entertain the idea of ever helping you ? Like my grandfather used to say "if you want to have friends , you have to be a friend".
I can see the comic-book behind you more clearly. It has Wolverine on the cover. However, I see only one comic-book. Are you a fellow comic-book collector, or, is it only one book that is special to you in some way? If you are a fellow comic-book collector, I would love to know about your collection.
"my wife is not psycho" i loled when i heard that đ€Ł
Much of what you say is not gender-specific. Some females are equally manipulated by their lack of assertiveness and are programmed to automatically say, âyes.â Raising my son alone, I had to teach him these values.