Relationship Therapists Review Issa & Lawrence's Relationship in 'Insecure' | Vanity Fair
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- čas přidán 7. 09. 2020
- Relationship therapists Laura Heck and Zach Brittle break down Issa and Lawrence's relationship in HBO's 'Insecure' and analyze their "roommate" relationship dynamic, how they both dealt with infidelity, and how Issa and Lawrence evolved from season to season.
Director/Producer: Sean Dacanay
Associate Producer: Paul Gulyas
Editor: Nick Rood
Laura Heck and Zach Brittle are certified Gottman therapists and relationship experts. As a public speaker and author, respectively, their insights on therapy have reached the masses. Check out the institute they're a part of and their Marriage Therapy podcast at the links below:
bit.ly/GottmanInstitute
marriagetherapyradio.com/about/
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Relationship Therapists Review Issa & Lawrence's Relationship in 'Insecure' | Vanity Fair - Zábava
I wish they analysed Issa and Molly's relationship, I find it even more interesting and complex. I feel like a lot people lose important friendships because we don't really have the study and understanding of friend relationships like we have of romantic relationships, even though it's just as important sometimes even more...
Yes! This would have been so good! Especially with how season 4 went down. Theres a LOT to unpack with molly and Issa's relationship
I was just about to suggest this too!!! Lol.
Absolutely
Yeah I feel like people undervalue friendships sometimes
Agree. Friendships are something that EVERYONE can relate to. Even if you’re not in a romantic relationship, we have all gone through friendships. There was a lot of Molly hate after Season 4, but I’ve always felt there was blame on both sides.
I haven't finished watching this but you should do definitely Molly and Issa next.
YESSSS
And Molly and Issa's friendship
Omg yes!!!! We need this
came here to say the same thing because that relationship WHEW what a mess
Molly FOR SURREEE
I think the lady missed the fact that actually Issa was not happy, thriving, and successful. She was also just trying to survive in the beginning. She actually hated her job.
It sounds like they watched an edited version that only featured Issa and Lawrence.
Indeed. Issa was not happy in her job, yet she made the effort to keep at it and get the money she needed to support herself AND Lawrence. I think this had an enormous impact on the failure of their relationship.
Yeah I feel like a few things were missed by the therapist and I assumed they haven't watched the show or something
Thats no excuse.
You still don’t cheat. You break up and then hook up
“They are not aligned in value,....schedule, fashion”
Phew 🤯
😂😂😂
The fact that these two therapists reflected Team Issa and Team Lawrence gives us an example of how split the audience STILL is about their on screen relationship. I’m glad they didn’t agree. 😌
yeah I think Lawrence needs some sympathy ..
@@SZAliaBanks he clearly was depressed. I wish they would have talked about mental health and also how traditional/patriarchal gender roles play a part in their dynamic.
That is deep cheating occurs in the mind way before it actually happens dang
She keeps stating that Issa was doing well...I’m here like no she is working at a nonprofit, she has a man who quit his job to startup his own. She was carrying that relationship. Many black women go through this. Stuck in a relationship with no ties to a marriage. Taking care of men and children with no help because we are seen as strong independent women. Lawrence was not doing anything and he forgot her birthday. When Issa met Daniel again, he just reminded her of who she was before societal pressures.
Exactly! Lawrence is grown and is partly to blame.
that was my exact situation...like blow for blow.
That’s exactly why even though they did great it in this, it would’ve been better to have it reviewed by a black therapists. POV changes.
So, then it was okay for her to cheat on him? [+]
It’s not okayy for her to have cheated. The main problem I have with this ladies view is that she’s placing all the blame on Issa. If you watch the show there’s an episode where they both explain how they caused harm to the relationship before the fall out. Lawrence mindset was not in the relationship way before Issa cheated. They both honestly needed time a part, but instead of doing that Lawrence shamed her. Even when Issa was going through her problems she never reflected them all onto him. She believed in his dream gave him chances, and he didn’t let her have one at all.
These two are normally simpatico when it comes to analyzing relationships. But now these two are just as divided about Issa and Lawrence as are many of us who watch _Insecure_
One thing I think that's not discussed (possibly because the therapists are just reacting to clips out of context, jumping several episodes ahead in time) and that is the importance of needing each individual to feel financially and emotionally stable enough to hear one another. In season one both Issa and Lawrence were unhappy with their careers and life goals _outside of the relationship_ They actually needed to be apart throughout most of season two and most of season three to figure out what to do with their lives. When that occurs by season 3, then they're ready to actually listen to one another.
Emotional availability requires resources. You can't always say how you feel in a calm, constructive manner if you've been unemployed for months on end. Or if you've been footing all the bills on your nonprofit salary. I think Laura should be more forgiving of both characters in this regard.
Agreed. I don't think they watch the show and I wonder if cultural dynamics misunderstanding is a factor in their analysis.
This.
Tara Walker they didn’t watch the whole show
Issa is an archetype for the idiots who betray you at your lowest point. She is a traitor and deserves to be treated as such. No wonder this generation is lost.
This comment is straight facts!
i’m actually happy they picked Insecure. it’s important to bring awareness to the dynamics of african american relationships
Sandra Boadu it’s not, but i’m saying it’s rare to see people review and discuss shows that are centered around black relationships.
@@Sandybeee dude why do y'all have to find something to nit pick about? The person just brought up the fact that's they're an African American couple. It's nice to see a change instead of just white couples. But yet again ppl like u will never be pleased 😒
@@paige2166 fr
See how Sandra’s dumbass deleted her comment
Black therapists should be analyzin' 'em.
I would like to see Molly and Andrew analysed too!!!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yes!!!
TRIPLE YES!
I see Molly as a "Karen." I have personally lived above a white female therapist who had nothing in order in her household and couldn't be relied of for any neighborly responsibilities, even though the building was a TIC which required her to do so. I wonder the percentage of therapists would fall under the "do as a say, not as I do" category when judging their personal life choices.
Hands down best show ever. Molly’s and Issas friendship most realistic I’ve seen on tv ever
I don't know why this was recommended but I am now invested in someone else's relationship 😂
Insecure is a great show!! I've been totally invested in Issa and Lawrence since the beginning.
😂😂😂😂
I'm Soo invested in that relationship, maybe that's why this was recommended for me😂😂🙈
Loved this! But would have also loved to see the perspective of a Black therapist who could give their perspective as well.
Yep! 90 seconds in and I was like, "they need Black professionals for this analysis"
I was thinking the exact same thing.
👍🏾🖤
@@morgane9819 ur
On the surface it seems to me that it doesnt matter (Only for Issa an Lawrence, I wouldn't think the same if the analysis was about Issa and Molly, for example), but now you say it, I'm interested in knowing why you did the suggestion. My English is very regular, sorry if the comment is poorly written
I like how the comments are all about needing a black therapists analysis
Y'all forgot that it was her birthday on season 1 😑 she was expecting something more
I SCREAMED when I saw the title! This is the content I had no idea I needed!!!! Loved this!
So the lady is clearly a member of the Lawrence Hive 😂😂😂
I feel like they both were wrong.. Lawrence got too comfortable and Issa should have tried to fix the relationship she was in first then leave if it wasn’t fixable. Issa should not have cheated
Yes. I agree. But, what I love about the show is that it shows that everyone phux up. Everyone makes mistakes/errors/harm/etc. Nobody on the show was flawless and everyone was insecure in some shape or form. [+]
No. Stop excusing the behavior.
Why is it up to Issa to fix the relationship? Why are black women always placed with the burden to always be the fixer?
@@laddyvanity a relationship takes two. I didn’t put it on one, I put it on both… she cheated and he stopped doing the things he needed to do to keep the relationship strong…
@@beneficent2557 I am not excusing behavior… neither one of their behavior was cool
The guy is on point ! Both of them had fault!
The woman therapist is terrible.
One of the reasons I fell off of Insecure was seeing the parallels of this relationship to my own in my twenties. (Lots of differences as well, mind you but enough is similar that I would get a tight chest and chills while watching.) It’s strange because listening to the therapists discuss allowed me to reflect on my own past situation. This is a first 😂 Usually it’s just fun and informative and not this personal!
Preserve your inner peace and ruminate
Perhaps you can attempt to repair that relationship with whomever you had the breakup with. Just talk about what was in your mind and heart, honestly, while listening to the other person. Each of you have your views/truths as you determined.
I am not saying that you need to reconnect but it certainly helps to resolve the problems in order to move forward and maybe even become friends since you know each other so well.
I think that's why a lot of people don't like the show. It's too close for comfort. We often turn to entertainment to escape and Insecure isn't offering it. I, too, feel that sting when I think of all that I went through in my twenties. But it's also a credit to Issa Rae and her writer's room willing to lean into a more nuanced, complicated depiction of an emotional black life. It's a beautiful-looking show but it's not aspirational.
@@selalewis9189 I think it's aspirational for the fact that it's willing to go there, to present us with this nuanced narrative that reflects real life, rather than offering something that offers nothing new. It makes us reflect on ourselves and think on how we could be better.
I wonder if they realize this was over 4 seasons
My thoughts exactly...I'm dying for season 5,
I felt like they didn’t actually watch it. We can see thru ur tactics, vanity fair
She put way too much on Issa- it's almost as if the female therapist wanted Issa to continue to hold Laurence's hand while he behaved like dead weight. Laurence wasn't on the couch for a year it was darn near THREE YEARS. Issa was dead wrong for sleeping with Daniel (especially since Laurence had begun to recommit and get his stuff together at that point) but she did support Laurence for all that time and he never put in effort until it was too late. To be fair to the therapist, I don't think they watched the whole series and that they were both going off synopsis'. I like this but I think having two black therapists (especially one being a black woman) would have a different perspective because there are some cultural expectations for black women to carry everyone on their backs at a detriment to themselves that I don't think the therapist is aware of.
Karen, karen-ing. The fact that it's a THERAPIST really surprised me. I agree, we need a black female therapist. I vote to boot this nosy, white karen...with a license to judge people's morality and correctness.
Agreed on this
Yesss facts she missed cultural pressures Issa was already dealing with but never mentioned
I wrote this under another comment, but she lacks cultural competence. Like the whole cultural understanding aspect was missing and so she missed a lot of what was happening.
I totally agree with what you said about Lawrence and Issa. And I want to believe that the female therapist didn't watch the entire series. By looking at snapshots/brief conversations, it's easy not to have a clear overall understanding of these characters. That or she has some type of bias against Issa's character (which is very possible) 🤷🏽♀️
Issa doesn’t have a great job she hates her job.
I guess it's great like it helps people
At first she did really like working at We Got Y’all. Stuff didn’t really change until season 2
Antonio Brooks she literally hated the job in the pilot episode. Issa told this children it’s the first job I got out of college. Issa found things she liked. When she noticed what an impact new experiences can have on the youth. But this wasn’t her first choice.
We gotch y'all?? Was a dump she hated
Just the fact she has a job and she does what she loves ... kinda of but it’s the people and she feels like the token blk
They didnt have to be black but at least make sure they watch the show..
Given how many episodes (of the vanity fair that theyre doing) and this most likely isnt their main job, i doubt they have time to watch the entire show (plus other shows like friends etc that theyve done analysis on)
@@AudjL__EXO-L Then Vanity Fair should have gotten two other therapists
@@danbrown1344 more people to not watch the show? any other therapists still have their jobs...
@@AudjL__EXO-L You can't convince me that Vanity Fair couldn't make a post asking if any licensed couples therapists have watched Insecure and would like to discuss the relationship dynamics on VF's platform. Like they would have to clear one day of their schedule, they would get paid, it would be great marketing for themselves, and would be an opportunity to help people have better relationships.
I’m really happy they picked these characters to discuss, other wise it probably wouldn’t have came into my timeline! Thanks to CZcams’s algorithm!! I’ll be searching for their podcast! Love this combo!!
Okay, now do Issa and Molly’s friendship 😭
The male therapist kinda gets it lol
If I had to pick who to bring my issues to it’d definitely be him lol he likes to dig into the how behind the why and what.
He knows how to pander to his customers. What about Lawrence's Standards? Y'all take trust and loyalty for granted.
If Issa agrees to become a stepmom that's gonna really interesting to see, cause that means she'll have to at some point bump into Canola Oil
Lol, not Canola Oil, but I hope she's not pregnant with Lawrence's baby. If she is I hope Issa does stay with him.
A'Mya Springer do you think she’s lying that he’s the father
@@shashavengesayi6055 She could be possibly out of spite because she knows Lawrence wasn't really over Issa when they were together. Also she had gone on a trip with another guy so it could be that guy's baby, but we won't find out until next season.
@@anissa2361 good observation. that would make her so trifling if she did that. And whoever she went on a trip with was probably a rebound for her
😂😂😂🙌
You can tell ms lady never actually watched the show. She keeps making assumptions that are wrong. Lawrence was kinda depressed and stuck on the couch for 4 years while issa was essentially the bread winner at a job she hated. They had no communication. The things shes saying are as if she never watched it
They’re not watching the shows/movies in their entirety. They’re only given a couple clips and react the best they can.
I think next time it should be therapists/ counsellors who have watched the show or a research assistant who has done proper research. The scene in the restaurant issa and Lawrence were not dating they had just met up to catch up.
I wish you used therapists that actually watch the series and understood the background or context
this series can easily be a TV show
It is a TV show. Or did you mean the therapist discussion?
@@Nohndl re: this VF series. i understand that Insecure is a TV show.
No one watches TV anymore
MORE MORE MORE MORE PLEASE OF THIS!!! EVERYDAY MORE OF THEM REACTING AND TALKING PLEASE!!!!!!!!
These are some of my favorite Vanity Fair videos. Keep them coming!!
Yessss I love this Vanity Fair series and this duo! Would love to see reviews on friendships🙏🏾
I love the different perspectives of the therapists, there are different ways to look at a thing. This is great!!
I started listening to you guys on marriage therapy radio on Spotify and I've been loving it so far. As a social worker/therapist and unmarried women.
I'm SO glad you covered them, I just finished watching the whole series. Please cover Molly and Issa next!!
They sort of glossed over the spectrum of the relationship
It’s a four season series and they only had a little over 20 mins 🤷🏾♀️. I would have liked them to discuss more too but apparently time didn’t permit it.
Representation matters. Would have loved to see this review done by POC therapists to provide cultural context and insights overlooked in the current review.
How would it be any different they are proffessionals they know what theyre talking about
@@DuckieWebb Im literally mixed raced (Half black half white)
@@DuckieWebb Its so funny that you just assumed im white because i even asked a question and please stop with this white fragility BS
@@3.S.T.A.L.K.E.R mixed with what? They gave a great explanation but adding race would have given it more depth.
@@RRAY1991 half black amd half white and I just dont see how someones race especially if theyre the same race what difference it would make
Can we get some therapists of color in here please lol
Black therapists specifically
PLEASE!!!!
Lmao I was looking for that comment
I feel you, but I actually think they’ve done a great job. Especially since they’ve got differing opinions.
OMG yes! I don't think they get a lot of what's the real. They don't get it.
Please keep this series going it's amazing!
yes, yes, yes, OMG yes, I'm so ready for this video. okay, I'm gonna watch it now.
Absolutely loved this
Really good analysis so happy you guys did Insecure!
The lady therapist really understands the situation for both people and her voice is so calming. The other therapist also did a very great job of analyzing and moving the conversations.
No, the lady therapist is being completely lopsided in her judgement and both therapists have obviously not watched the show. Have YOU?
I recently had a similar talk with my ex after 4 years just this past week and I’m telling you it’s transformative
I love these videos I could watch these two for hours!
This would have been more impactful and just better had you used BLACK relationship therapists because the blackness of Issa & Lawrence plays a significant part in their relationship & their dynamic. Elevate black voices.
Exactly, there are black therapists that could do this
Took the words right out of my mouth. I felt very uncomfortable with some of the things said by the male therapist.
I couldn’t even get through the whole thing because I was so disturbed by the choice of having two white people dissect black love & relationships. Has this year taught y’all nothing?!?!?!
As black therapist (11 years experience) I did agree.
I was specifically looking for this comment! Well said.
Omg, yes! What we've been waiting for!
YAAAY, I love your podcast!
Ooh I'm loving this marriage counselor series and i love insecure I'm glad they picked this show
I love this Couple’s Therapist Review series, they breakdown so much the relationship facets. But keep it neutral and professional
I think context matters, it would’ve helped them both. Issa was wrong for cheating and not communicating. Lawrence was wrong for not being present for Issa, but he was in a dark place. She didn’t say something sooner and help him get out that place. But it couldn’t have to have to be completely on her. He wasnt communicating also.
Yup. They gotta watch the entire season to really get it
she explained in this latest season to him that she did try for the entire time that he was in a rut. i don't condone cheating because its terrible and a pathetic thing to do but also, feeling like you're unable to get through to someone you love when they refuse to try put both of them in terrible positions smh.
sounds like b.s. to me. but it was expected
I WANT MORE OF THESE
The lady therapist is so on point!! Just spittin straight facts!!
I agree. It’s exactly my perspective on every point.
I think the male therapist doesn’t understand that even the writers of the show are not pro-Issa, the show is not trying to justify her decisions, it’s trying to show us that she’s working to be better and is struggling, time and time again.
In a relationship emotional, and naturally for women, financial stability is needed to feel secure. I think the female therapist willfully disregarded those things. This isn't justification but you can't expect one person to carry a relationship then wonder why they're wandering when they're clearly unhappy.
Excuse me? The "lady" *pfft* therapist is completely one-sided in her read of the entire relationship and is basically blaming Issa for the entire situation. Have you even watched the show? Are you an unemployed man leeching off a woman for years?
@@carolyneryan7152 You and all the other Karens of the world. Please explain your reasoning and defend your position. Are you somehow taking the fact that ONE questionable online therapist said everything in your inner-heart, and now you're sure that you are right? Have you even seen the show? Please tell me your "EVERY POINT."
yes! You are back!!!!!!
More of these please!
It was 4 years not a year! It really would have been helpful if they watched the show because clips don't tell all the facts.
The clip they showed, Issa actually says it was 4 years. She didn't pay attention I guess
Loved this. They both nailed this relationship in my opinion.
More of them please!
More of this please!
Loved this discussion 😁😁😁❤❤❤
This was good. Missed some stuff but still good.
That's the kind of videos that I like before even I watch !
That part about loving your partner through their lowest lows 🔥
The reason why I like to hear both of them it's because they bring a diffrent opinion to the analysis of relationships, and they both usually make pretty good points not only about the show/character they're watching but stuff to consider when it comes to real life relationships
Yo she’s not even trying to hide her thoughts but speaking as someone that does not believing in cheating or people using disappointment as an excuse to hurt someone else that trusts them .... I agree with Ms. Heck. Issa wasn’t happy with the way Lawrence was slacking she should’ve just told him not skip out on the relationship and cheat
Of course, and Issa (the character and the Actor) will tell you the same thing. Just because it's on screen doesn't mean that this is condoning the action. Have you even watched the show?
AHHH I ALWAYS LOVE THESE GUYS
This is my favorite show ever
Awesome video
I would love to see them react to Celine and Jesse in Before Midnight, so complicated and so much emotion
This is an amazing analysis. I don’t know why I can’t reach this conclusion on my own.
Never watched "Insecure" and now I want to. Lol
Do ittttttttttt
It’s soooo good
You’re missing out lol
Binge binge binge. Just kidding. Don't get sucked in!
You should!!!
Love this !!!
I love these videos
Everyone in the comments is not seeing her point of view because Issa is the hero of the show, she was written to be liked.
Haha why did the bleeps stop around 8:10? It turned into a free for all 😂😂
Could someone please analyze Molly and Issa's friendship? I feel like it's a really interesting friendship and we tend to place more emphases on romantic relationships as opposed to friendships, and it would be nice to dig into this one. Great video, btw😊
Really enjoying these reviews!
Would love to see one on Monica and Chandler
im enjoying this a lot
This is soooooooooooo good
She’s the best!! Love her ❤️
The one I needed to hear about.
Why is everyone hating on the female therapist? Obviously if you didn’t watch the entire series ur perception of their relationship is gonna be skewed, but u can’t fault her for that. They literally just gave her edited clips to react to and she well...reacted.
Why did they bleep the f word in the beginning of the video and let it fly 20 times at 8:12?
This is excellent!!!!!!!!!
can you guys do one on emotinally unavailable/ emotionally selfish partners?
This is perfection.
Oh my God I'm loving this so much, therapists fighting like we do!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
I’d prefer black therapists discussing this. You guys have range but there are black qualified professionals that could better analyze this
Issa doesn’t have a great job she hates her job.
I wish you had a CZcams channel and recorded your podcast. You guys are so savvy.
That's actually the beauty of the show. It's a show that is so polarizing, because everybody who watches it sees something different. I have never experienced a show like this before. Where I literally don't agree with anybody else's opinion, and as many people as watch teh show are as many viewpoints there are on waht is happening.
uhhh why do I feel like the woman hasn’t watched the full show? wish the approach to this was more intersectional... also how they gonna just skip three seasons like that I’m so weak. but pretty cool. the real complex relationship is between molly and issa....
They’re not supposed watch the full show. They do this on a few episodes for different series. I think they do an incredible job. This actually mirrors what they get in live therapy. People are rarely completely forth coming.
Kinda feels like the therapists didn't watch the series.
A therapist can explain the psychological aspects. A black therapist understands additional cultural layers better.
So, it's not just the psychological aspect, but what are the pressures and expectations of being a black man or woman in society?
What are the roles that they play?
What are their expectations of each other as a black couple?
They need Black therapists on here but I did really enjoy the woman therapist’s input. 13:12 sums up my opinion of their relationship entirely.
I’m also someone who has a flight response when I’m very upset and my past partners blocking my exit has only escalated things in the past.
I think it’s kinda comforting to see that even relationship therapists aren’t always in a agreement. In so many relationships, not even necessarily romantic, people are sometimes so focused on whose in the right or wrong when in reality most times aren’t that black and white and there might not be one right perspective
I don't even watch Insecure I just love these videos!
Clearly she has an anti cheater bias no matter how unhealthy a relationship is, which I totally agree with. get out before you put out.
"anti cheater bias" just leave & go it alone.