Are You Afraid of Actually Getting Well?
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- čas přidán 13. 07. 2024
- Are You Afraid of Actually Getting Well?
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Yes I have been afraid, at times, of getting well. Because it means going back into the big bad world after over 1O yrs out of it, and getting back into all the stress of life. But I have been telling myself just lately actually: Take the pressure off yourself ! Just try and think abt doing the fun things, and let the rest - eg a job and getting back into life - happen organically, all in good time. I think maybe the longer u have been sick and out of the world and the older u get - the scarier it gets getting back in ....
It's scary for all of us. But it's worth overcoming the fear no matter what. There is no need to hurt. There is no need to play small. We can do this. YOU can do this. Go for it.
@@PainFreeYou 🙏
Jaquline everything that you have said here really resonated with me. I have been so worried about getting back into the stress of life, about being responsible for my life and happiness again. Good luck to you on your journey x
Thats exact what i feel, there some sort of trauma reenactment working sometimes
Very common. Hopefully this helps you on your journey.
When I realized that I was petrified of getting better some years ago, I was in shock. I thought : Oh my God, oh my God, what am I going to do without my pain!!! I am not going to be able to caught the attention of others, I am not going to have excuses!!! I was like.... WTF!!! Sorry, but I had I violent reaction to this. That was the first step that I took. Through the years, I got a lot better, but not totally cured. I have made many mistakes,and I am still and this process, and today I knew that I am still afraid of getting better. Who will I be without the anxiety and my pain? I wouldn't be me. I need to brake that pattern, I am still working on it. Thanks for the reminder ❤
Your a gift to humanity dan.. You just refuse to let us live in pain... Thanks for all your doing...
Thank you Richard.
@@PainFreeYou it really does help having constant reminders.. I have to admit there has been times when the doubt has kept in..only for one of your videos to pop up and.. Kick that doubt outa the field..
@@richardbranson8658 That's why I show up every day.
I know my anorexia started at age 12 because so many scary things were happening and I felt so alone and unloved, but when I became ill, people started to show their love and concern for me. When I came to healthy weight, I felt invisible. I have found pain also shields me from rejection, fear of failure at a job. I hate my pain and the extreme anxiety, but in a sense, I am afraid of being well because I don't know who I am without being ill. This makes so much sense. I don't want to live in the hole anymore and not participating in life.
Wonderful insight Laura. You can create a wonderful life where you see yourself.
You are very brave and insightful Laura
OMG YES I AM. thats insane timing
I get it. Life without symptoms is AMAZING.
Dear Dan, For me this topic hit the bulls eye. I've been asking myself lately "what's the secondary gain?" I really relate to using the symptoms to play small and hide. I spent many years prior to meeting you, forcing myself to work, traveling all over the world with intense symptoms that I just gritted my teeth through. . Of course the pandemic put an end to that. But I worked harder than ever during it. Now I feel like I have permission to stop pushing. It was hard and painful. I've been asking myself, " what if I could have permission to rest, play, take it a bit easier without pain, but just because that's what I want to do?" Thank you for addressing this. Thank you for all you do and most importantly-who you are. love, beth
Thank you Beth. Really appreciate you.
Beth - Love your comment. I’ve been asking myself the same question.❤
This really resonates with me too. I pushed way past my limits professionally leading up to getting TMS/fatigue. I was so desperate for rest and a break before getting sick. My body said ok that’s enough, no more. And now I am working at getting better, and I’m improving, and I’m afraid of running myself into the ground again if I get 100 percent well again.
I can relate to that
I think this is a really interesting point. I don’t like to admit it but I can see that I use it because it’s easier than setting a boundary for sure…or to get me out of things…have to revisit that!! 😮
It's nothing to be ashamed of. I did it often myself.
I’m a neglected child, now 55. I have post-Covid. When I have a day where I‘m a little better I get anxiety. I’m so afraid of having to go back to work before I‘m well enough. Had an experience like that 20 years ago. So tired and with pain at work and on the couch at home. 😢
Please try vague nerve yoga and study poly vagal theory
Sukie Baxter videos for simple ways to relax vagus nerve. Also Dr Gabor Mate videos plus book When the body says no and book The body keeps score. All will help. Keep it simple. One step at a time.
@@jmc8076 beautiful said ❤
i understand the fear. KNOW that you can get better. It's all driven by the brain perceiving danger. Consistent messages of safety is the way to convince the brain. czcams.com/video/5SsKnAgAvnY/video.html
I’m afraid of getting well, but not for the reasons you mentioned! The real reason I’m scared is because I’m afraid I’d get used to feeling good and then something else will happen again😅 I’ve had many days feeling well throughout my journey. I often feel best when I’m busy and engaged in something to the point of not overthinking or analyzing my symptoms constantly. But every time I feel better I’m afraid because I know it is so ingrained in my head that it won’t last forever. I’m so deeply convinced that I can’t be well forever that it’s hard to believe otherwise! I still live my life, working full time, studying part time, walks every other day, dance classes, time with people I love… but still in pain some days primarily because I don’t believe that my body is capable of feeling good. I’ve convinced myself that tms is a nervous system condition and is incurable (not true, I know) but hard to change your thinking 😅
Me too. I had to be carried off stage several times while playing my sax, fur to low back pain. It eventually shut me down and made me give up on life. Well, I'm still here and my life is small.
I think the skin condition on my face was my subconscious giving me a reason to hide from people. It started after an experience that led to me feeling unsafe around others. Obviously I didn't choose this and this idea could be me grasping at meaning but being aware it is a possibility is helpful in checking fear. Great job sharing a difficult topic 😀 thank you
Thank you Brisa.
@Patient Growth People can be cruel.
We can become "addicted" to the actual stress hormones we produce and seek them out unknowingly. Cold turkey.
So true.
Yes, true!
what do you mean 'Cold turkey' ? just curious ☺and can you explain a little more what you mean when u say We can become "addicted" to the actual stress hormones we produce and seek them out unknowingly. TY
@@privateperson5769cold turkey, he probably wants to quit the stress hormone adicction.
probably when ur life only functions on them like, the only exitement u get is when ur stressed or u csn only bring urself to work when stressed
@@privateperson5769stress is the driver of most or almost all things u do, when like this
You hit the nail on the head.
I went through these thoughts a while back. I've gotten so used to living in my bubble, that I wasn't sure I wanted to make decisions for my future and I liked the ability to say no to people and things easily. I got over that a while back when I came to the realization that I could create a new and better life and I have the chance that many don't choose to utilize a chance to start over and make a brand new life for myself. I can still say no to people and things that I don't want to do.
Now that I'm seeing some improvements, it gets me excited for a life that is pain free! I know I will get there!
YES. You WILL get there.
Thanks Dan great video as usual. 👍
So much of what you said is stuff I've been thinking about for a while now, but then dismissing it. Ìm seeing now that dismissing the thoughts rather dealing with them is also a part of my fear of getting well.
Don't get me wrong, I want to get well, and I will. I've already come a long way and am gaining the benefits. I now need to plan for when I'm really well.
I don't just want the life I had before pain / symptoms. I'm not just going to plan what I want to do, I'm intentionally planning what I don't want to do. For example:
I don't want to drive, never enjoyed it. Always found it stressful. I did it for convenience, in getting me to my job. Well, now I'm retired, I don't need to drive!
Within 5 or 10 minutes walk from my house I can access a bus or train. When I shop for groceries, I can get it delivered free.
I'll be fitter, physically and financially, by not driving.
Ahhh thanks Dan for being honest with us. This video was like a smack in the face sometimes, but worth it 😅
Keep focusing on that on that pain free beacon, guys. It may seem distant, but it's closer today than yesterday 👍👍 ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience and response to this touchy subject. We can all get to a pain free life and it can be amazing. It WILL be amazing.
I’m certainly not afraid of getting better!! I just want some normality in my life . I want to be able to go out , shopping, walk my dogs etc. I’m trying very hard to get do things although slowly. I know I’ll get there ,it will just take time . X
Wonderful that you want to and are ready to get back to living. Beautiful. Go for it.
Bingo! Sometimes “tough love” is a necessity. My TMS journey is in month 11. Im 90% better. During the journey my wife asked me couple times: “what do you get out of it” ? Meaning i dont want to let go bad enough. That there is some “goodie” i get. Very interesting
Quite interesting.
So happy you are 90% better. What a win! It encourages me 😊
I understand your talk.
Post pandemic and reducing fear in my life has enabled me to weed out friendships that were not going anywhere. So becoming smaller in that area of my life has been great. No reciprocity was not fun.
Thanks Dan for your video.
You are welcome Diane.
This is a GREAT topic! I think of this often & wonder what I’m still gaining. Getting out of social events is definitely one of them! Thanks for making a video about it!
My pleasure. Glad this helped.
This is me. I am fearful becausd i dont know who i am and what i want in life.
Start to dream. What do you want to be when you grow up? ;-)
This is why learning to set boundaries is such an important part of recovery for so many people. I know that now I feel much better able to say to doing more than my share at home or elsewhere. Thank you for this video Dan x
I know a few people in the UK on health benefits who'd like to try and go back to work. There's no proper financial support to do this. You're on it or off. Just another minefield trying to "survive". Try getting back on after signing off of benefits has pushed people to suicide. Had decades of issues but no government support until last year( at the lowest level), mainly to allow me to travel and park in London. Luckily my partner has been supportive, others don't have this. I'd like nothing better than to do a part time job to get me out and mixing, but even if you start off with volunteering, you will be reassessed immediately. it's an individual thing. Each to their own. Wishing them all strength to get their life's back. Xx
Really difficult situation. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Yes here in the UK successive govts punish and scapegoat people claiming welfare. The system needs a complete overhaul with a view to kindness and compassion and helping people rebuild their lives
Thank you for this video. It really speaks to me as I have been an attention addict for as long as I can remember. My Dad is a Doctor and I can remember getting undivided attention and advice from him whenever I was sick. Other times he paid more attention to my brother. I have recognized this need for attention since I was in my college days when I would even make up injuries to get attention. I know this plays a part for me on some level. I feel that I really want to get well and feel better but am not sure how my need for attention is playing a part in my process. Thanks again for addressing this issue.
I believe this is a common experience and does not need to stop or slow recovery. Focus on the fundamentals. If you haven't seen it yet, check out my fast start playlist. It will help you understand what is going on and what to do about it. DansFastStart.com
Thank you so much Dan! I have watched the fast start videos but will be going back for a rewatch. Love your work! Gives me hope
This is a very real phenomenon that I can attest to retrospectively…. My chronic pain sensations began when I retired. It all makes so much sense now. Dr Sarno mentions this as a definite life event that can trigger chronic symptoms in his book The Mind Body Prescription. Luckily with clarity and consistency of belief in this process , my symptoms have abated. I still have my painful moments but with calm reassurance, some deep breaths and pattern interrupt, I can return my thinking ( mindset)to the right path.
That is wonderful JoAnn. You are doing AMAZING.
So happy for you ❤ thanks for posting- it encourages me 😊
Retirement was the trigger for me too, coinciding with lockdowns and end of a long term stress. SPACE....!!!! Dangerous stuff space 🤣🤣!!!I am still riding the waves but your post gives me hope. I really congratulate you for getting through! How long was the process for you? ( tho I do get that's not really a good question.. 🤣.!!!)
The process continues… there are still moments of “ human pain” that can result in symptoms but I have my life back. But I apply those 2 or 3 basic principles, understand that I’m ok… I’m not broken and move on. Symptoms or no symptoms .Movement has also been key. It goes hand in hand ( for me) with the mindset. My journey has been seven years but I only learned about TMS/ PDP three summers ago… it’s taken awhile for sure . I’ve been able to become more automatic in catching my thoughts when symptoms arise …. Then I have a quick conversation with my brain and move on with strategies like pattern interrupt… or relaxed breathing. It always calms me and it works… this stuff really works.
Oh… and very importantly I was part of the group coaching calls program for at least 6 months. Now I am able to get by on daily videos.
Great video, Dan!
I think it’s possible to become addicted to the hormones of fear and suffering. It feels safe to be small, somehow, even though the only thing we all want is to feel better and to live bigger again The approach of teaching the brain safety is what can break the cycle. I’m noticing differences in my automatic thoughts, which tells me I’m on the right path. Symptoms will just have follow, right out the door!
You handled this challenging topic really well. I know it’s not easy ❤
Thank you Christine. Did my best not to offend or blame anyone for their symptoms. I appreciate your kind words.
Have guts! Say Yes when you mean Yes and say No when you mean No! Some of us are just people pleasers and our Brain and body is Sometimes just saying Wake up and Live Your Own Life! 😊❤
Love the spark!!!
@@PainFreeYou
I got that from Jesus..He says that in the Sermon on the Mount..but it is not usually taught in Sunday School. I discovered it myself and was so happy because..as a people pleaser..as Dr. Sarno says..the “perfects” and the “goods”. Esp have problems with TMS. I came from a religious family..but this is not Taught! Obedience was taught. And it doesn’t need to be in a religious context..it is just Good common sense.
@@kathleenwharton2139 Beautiful.
I congratulate you for tackling what is prob the most difficult of topics, Dan, and doing it so very well. I was fine again for 6 wks until I had loads of lovely plans coming up involving solo train trips etc. The symptoms returned and stopped me 8n my tracks. I love my small world -my paradise... garden, allotment, little campervan, seashore, quiet life with peaceful partner, messaging friends...After a lifetime adventuring and living on the edge it's been balm to the soul and still is. So theres that factor keeping me small. But there's also the fear I will get irritable critical and judgmental and rather too proud of myself again. All these have slowly disappeared over nearly 2yrs with all these humbling symptoms. I called it the Great Humbling🤣🤣. I am def afraid they will creep back. Any thoughts Dan? or anyone? Have to say also yesterdays video was really great and I have warned my partner I may be doing all sorts of silly thi ngs...🤣🤣
When you notice the fears creeping back in, interrupt them. Yes, yesterdays video is a great tool for that exact thing.
Just bumped into your channel, i love the knowledge and tips. Great reminders that we sometimes overlook, much love and peace ☮️
Thrilled to have you watching. Be sure to subscribe to the channel. I post a new video daily.
I never use the anxiety ie symptoms to get out of any situation but I do wonder what’s beyond this if I didn’t have this and to be honest I don’t know because I have been wrapped up in this for 3o years now so I honestly don’t know what it’s like to feel healthy and relaxed my journey has been to find away to cure myself,but I am doing has you say and I am getting some pull back doing it but I’m doing it, I’m getting new symptoms cold clammy sweats the feeling of cold water running through my body feeling like I had a cold shiver the last week I have had it all in my head and neck tight intense pressure,but I will keep going hopfully im doing it right by telling myself I’m safe and basically ignoring the feelings ❤
Hi Dan no this video not for me. I would like to do everything again normally. I do the opposite i do everything. I help with everything whenever i can. The attention i get is normal i dont speak about my pain to my husband or anybody else except with Corine and sometimes with my Tms family. There are absolutely no benefits from these symptoms. I cant wait untill i am on the other side. Big time struggling but remain calm and am very emotional cry a lot. Also from my symptoms.Going to watch the video from yesterday now. Love you Dan and everyone else a big hug and smile from me see you all tomorrow 😘😘😘
I feel the same but have compassion for those who this video does resonate with. ✌️
@@jmc8076 yes i feel compassion also ❤
I'm the same as you. If anything I have a tendency to push myself or not think I'm doing enough! I do understand it's different for others though & feel for them. You have the best day you can have today Lenneke. Love to you.💞
@@josiejo117 thanks Josie have a lovely day love you too ❤️💐😘💕
As I mentioned, this video is not for everyone. You can do this.
Interesting point, recognize some of the things you mention. Great video Dan. Thanks!
Not being convinced the pain will disappear...not deserving to be painfree..
Of course you deserve to be free of pain.
Yes my mother only was nice if I was sick, I live a full life but still symptoms and mostly depressed with no purpose but still working full time and meeting friends just never ending over the years
It's a very common experience.
I THINK THIS IS A FACTOR FOR ALL OF US WHETHER WE WANT TO ADMIT IT OR NOT. THE HUMAN HAS A NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF AND ANY PROSPECT OF THAT IS WELCOME. TAKING RESPONSIBILiTY FOR OUR HAPPINESS IS WHAT WE HAVE TO REALIZE TO OVERCOME THAT NEED AND THAT'S WHERE THE RESISTANCE BECOMES A PROBLEM IF WE ARE NOT AWARE OF OUR DESIRE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF. NOTHING WORTH HAVING IS EASY AND TAKES FORTITUDE.
Thank you for sharing your insight.
Any secondary gain is outweighed by social isolation . I force myself do stuff because otherwise I won't see people and seeing people takes my mind off symptoms. Often I don't feel like it. Yes it would be amazing to get rid of my symptoms . Can't imagine how it would be but of course there will always be difficult challenges.
I am missing out on my kids lives. 11 and almost 9yrs old because of this and it’s getting worse not better. Lots of trauma abandonment and fear I dont want my kids to remember me as “sick” mommy
It can and will change. Recovery from fear is the game.
czcams.com/video/VSmTe8zPXh0/video.html
Trust the process and Dan ❤❤
I so hear you Nadia. My kids are the same age difference. They are 11 and 13 now. You can get better too. Sending you ❤ and strength
Hey Dan! I use my symptoms to avoid conflict with my mum!😮
On a side note I’ve just had a terrible bout of Covid. It started last Tuesday and every single one of my RA symptoms DISAPPEARED! Now the Covid is on its way out the RA is coming right on back! Interesting!
More proof that it's TMS, not RA.
What is ra?
@@ezza1236 Rheumatoid Arthritis.
@@ezza1236 Rheumatoid Arthritis 🤗
It's all the deeply rooted fear...all tied into this
I think part of it is a learned pathway which has that secondary gain .. the other part is if we’ve been in this “journey” so long, then it’s hard to know *who* we are without TMS
Do you feel lost without your symptoms?
czcams.com/video/9TyR0_wyoww/video.html
I relate to this one ! When I have good days with no symptoms at all I completely forget how to be a human😂
@@JessicaParker-lh9st find something you enjoy. Then do that. ;-)
Abandonment issues for sure …
So common.
Very deep abandonment issues, my mother started coming around and paying a little attention to me a few years ago when my symptoms began. Before that we had almost zero relationship. Still no change with my birthfather though still zero relationship...oh well his loss!!! I don't think this is in any way subconsciously making me want to stay with my symptoms, however I can certainly see how easily it could for some people in a lot of different situations. Great video
@@SharonRedmond Thank you Sharon. Sensitive topic to discuss.
Hello sir I have to ask one thing from you...I have been suffering from back and neck pain from last 14 months, I have tried everything to get relief but no result, now I have seen your videos so I am confident that I will be normal in few months, but I am still confused that if I will cure my chronic pain but what about tingling and numbness in my body.
Yes and no. Want my life back after 4 years of first scarey symptom, bladder frequency after big stressor and became afraid of it and to go out and then Pandemic adding to fear and losing job i did from home. I had not overcome fear of bladder by time pandemic hit, i was working hard at it though, then bam more fear on top of stressful event, bladder problems, Pandemic, loss of job capital FEAR. Lost confidence and self esteem to go get a job now and form new life, i so want to lose this fear and get back to life. Fear keeps me trapped and the longer it goes on the more the fear grips me and tells me i can't do a job or mix with new people, double edged sword.
Rewrite the comment you just wrote. Write the opposite story. That's all you are doing is telling the story of how frightened you are and how you cannot get well. What is your new story going to be?
What if I’m afraid of having sex with my husband because of intense pelvic pain? If I get better I’m still afraid to be intimate with him because it has hurt so much in the past. I haven’t had a vaginal exam in 2 years because the last one was excruciating. How do I get over that fear?
This is a Real thing! Sometimes your body and your Mind is in cahoots! My grandmother had sciatica and she could garden an acre..and do all the cooking and cleaning..but she could not drive the tractor on the farm. I am partially paralyzed because of my situation. My xhusband second wife kicked him out and he is back again..wanting to make me his slave again! My Mind and my body is saying..”Hell..No!” 😊❤
You can still get well.
czcams.com/video/twNl7iv4K0Y/video.html
@@PainFreeYou
Yes! Dan! You are Right! I Intend too. This is my opportunity to stop people pleasing and live My Life!