Trauma Bonding, Therapy Speak, and More with Dr. Perpetua Neo - Terri Cole
Vložit
- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- I am thrilled to welcome back my pal Dr. Perpetua Neo. She is an expert in high-functioning, overachieving women, as well as trauma bonding and abusive relationships.
In this conversation, we talk about the realities of trauma bonds, the misunderstandings around therapy speak since certain terms have gone mainstream, clarifying those terms, and the pitfalls Dr. P sees in her high-functioning clients and what they can do to regulate their brains.
We end with a discussion about respecting our hormones, my experience with perimenopause and menopause, what Dr. P learned about her own cycle, fasting, and more.
Time Stamps
0:00 - Quote from Dr. P
0:30 - Intro from Terri
2:45 - Trauma bonding
6:20 - Thoughts on therapy speak
7:43 - Therapeutic explanation of "triggered"
10:03 - The term "gaslighting"
14:11 - "I'm wired that way" excuse
15:30 - Misusing "boundaries" to manipulate
18:00 - Pitfalls of high-functioning women
19:50 - The big 3 things we tolerate
21:44 - Regulating your brain
25:15 - Saying "no"
26:38 - Hormone discussion (sleep, fasting, menopause)
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
• Addicted to Toxic Love... - Addicted to Toxic Love? Trauma Bonds Explained
• Boundaries or Control?... - Boundaries or Control? Identifying Coercive Tactics
• What is Gaslighting? H... - What is Gaslighting? Avoiding Mental and Emotional Abuse
• Understanding What Rea... - Understanding What Really Matters with Dr. Perpetua Neo
• Healing from Narc Abus... - Healing From Narc Abuse with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman
Resources Mentioned
Dysthymia: www.mindbodygreen.com/article...
Movie: "Gaslight"
Movie: "Rashomon"
Dr. Mindy Pelz's book, Fast Like a Girl
Dr. Mindy Pelz's show is The Resetter Podcast
About Dr. Perpetua Neo
Dr Perpetua Neo (DClinPsy, UCL; MPhil, Cambridge) coaches Type A++ overachievers with demanding lives and their organizations, to be in control of their heads, time, and relationships, so they perform and lead at their best always. And, they sleep peacefully.
Dr. P tailors strategies to her clients’ personalities and lifestyles, building lasting systems and structures, so they achieve multiple personal and professional goals. She specializes in The Big 3 we mistakenly tolerate-high-functioning anxiety, toxic relationships, and panic attacks-blending cutting-edge neuroscience, psychology, and ancient wisdom. She supports organizations to build accountable, sustainable high-performance cultures, and to tap into already-existing diversity including neurodiversity.
Website: perpetuaneo.com
Articles on MindBodyGreen: www.mindbodygreen.com/wc/dr-p...
Workbook: www.simonandschuster.co.uk/bo...
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
Instagram: terricole.com/ig
Community: terricole.com/fbg
TC's VIPs: terricole.com/membership
Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
Resources
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Insight Timer: insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
#terricoleshow #traumabond #gaslighting #relationshipexpert
Let me know your thoughts about our discussion on trauma bonding, therapy speak, the pitfalls high-functioning women often fall into, and your experience with hormones!
Thank you Terri and Dr Perpetua Neo
for sharing your knowledge on this
subject. Very valuable. 🙌💜
❤️❤️
Han tocado puntos muy interesantes en esta entrevista. Te agradezco profundamente, Terri, que ventiles la falta de interés e investigación que existía alrededor de la menopausia y sus tratamientos, fue mi caso que me restringieron a seis meses el uso de hormonas por los riesgos que decían que traian.
En cuanto al abuso de los términos inherentes al narcisismo, yo me descubro pensando que en algunos casos he exagerado, pero no dejo de indicarme que lo que siento con tal persona es real, como dices, el malestar es verdadero y requiero seguirme protegiendo de lo que no es.bueno para mí.
En donde estoy absolutamente segura es con mi madre, una narcisista encubierta, pero aún así no dejo de tener mi puerta sin llave, para seguirnos comunicando poco y de vez en cuando.
Thank you for sharing, Gregaria ❤️ I'm not sure if you saw this episode I did with Dr. Mary Claire, but she is my go-to menopause doctor on Instagram and she shared a lot of helpful information during our conversation: czcams.com/video/pz09zf1qrDM/video.html We go into the studies a bit more, too.
Thank you soo much for yet another fabulous episode 🙏❤️. Love the part on menopause and hormones!!!!
You are so welcome, thanks for watching and letting me know! ❤️
I appreciate and Love all of your videos , they help me so much . Do you record them live ? If so, when can I catch you live ? Thanks! ❤
Thank you so much ❤️ I don't record any of my podcasts live. I do go live on CZcams from time to time for special workshops- if you'd like to be kept up to date, I recommend subscribing to my newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter ❤️
Another great interview! Thanks for the new book and experts recommendations, Terri! ❤
I am so glad you enjoyed it, Anne! ❤️
You’re now one of my (concrete) go-to guides for my own continued growth and healing. This episode is completely another gem to add to my valuable collection of heartfelt resources! ❤Thank you both for your work! 👏🥹❤️🩹 thank you
Thank you so much, Lisa ❤️ I appreciate you!
Love it ❤
Thanks for watching! ❤
🦋
❤
Therapy speak on this channel has helped me see that trauma is real. Talking that way outside of this space sounds goofy.
I'm so glad my videos have helped you see that trauma is real ❤
I have listened to 15 minutes of this, because the title speaks of trauma bonding, which I am currently trying to understand.
Half way into it and many topics covered, except that. Respectfully if you want to please put them in another video.
I am actually scheduling myself time for this as I’m trying not to let all the media, trying to find credible professionals addressing narcissism and related issues, without it becoming another unhealthy focus and people leaning into unrelated, unhealthy views on the topic. Yet here we are, half way in (vested) and not a word about trauma bonding. Your own professional frustrations, movie titles and other topics.
I am not intending to offend. I appreciate your time, work, and sharing of information.
I hope you can hear what I am trying to convey. Without taking it as personal criticism.
Hi Trish- we talk about trauma bonding right at the top. Dr. Neo talks briefly about her own history of being with a narcissist and then goes into the research she did on trauma bonded relationships. It's at this time stamp (and time stamps are on all of my recent videos, intended to save viewers time): czcams.com/video/DDfP1CuzSIM/video.htmlsi=b_1LOVktim5h8dip&t=212
If you want a more focused video on trauma bonds, I have one here that is ONLY about this topic and is more of a deep dive/explainer: czcams.com/video/SwlmxpvQAps/video.html I think it would speak to what you're looking for more.
I actually respectfully partially disagree with the interpretation of the Jonah Hill convo: I read the entire published convo, I usually am very weary of controlling men, I'm a feminist etc. He began like this, ... but the END tail of the conversation was him telling her: "you do you, I don't like this lifestyle and I want to move on". So he let... sh*t / it... go... he didn't threaten the relationship or else... he was saying "ok,.. it's not working for me". That's not manipulation. And yes, he knew what kind of lifestyle she lead, so.. yeah, why trying to change her ? And also.. one can change his or hers mind during the relationship, we can tell ourselves we can handle some stuff and get annoyed afterwards and say "ok, that's you, this is me, this does not work anymore, good luck, bye ! ", without that being a manipulation tactic.
I think there is room for nuance here. I did an entire video around it when it happened: czcams.com/video/8sBKq8cRs78/video.html
(this was the article I read with the screenshots- www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniesoteriou/jonah-hill-ex-sarah-brady-more-alleged-text-screenshots)
The coercion is in Jonah knowing who she was and what she did before getting together, and then trying to get her to stop being who she was. He listed a bunch of conditions and then said those were his "boundaries" for a romantic relationship. He went on to say, "My boundaries With you based on the ways these actions have hurt our trust." That is not the same as saying "this isn't working for me." It also seems accusatory- like if Sarah had behaved differently, he wouldn't need to have these "boundaries." (Which seems more controlling to me, although we have no way of knowing everything that happened between them.)
Him saying, "If you need to...post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit...I am not the right partner for you" is like getting into a relationship with an actor and 6 months in saying, “No love scenes or I'm breaking up with you.” It is not a boundary - it is control.
My definition of boundaries is they are your own personal rules of engagement (what is okay and what is not okay with you) meant to protect you and your relationships. They are not meant to control others, they are focused on us.
For example, if you were with someone who almost never drinks alcohol, and they suddenly began drinking heavily, you might say, “I choose to set boundaries around my exposure to you when you are drinking because I love you and I love myself.” You are taking action to protect yourself, not judging, shaming, or otherwise attempting to control the other person.
I agree that we are allowed to change our minds, but I didn't find Jonah's use of the word 'boundaries' accurate. It concerned me that so many people on Reddit took no issue with how he communicated this, and I wanted to set the record straight because there are a lot of misconceptions out there around the word.