How I Deal With Flaky Friends - Real Talk Episode 3
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
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There is no such thing as a flaky friend. There are only flaky acquaintances.
Well said Catherine. Thank you for watching my video. I appreciate it. Hopefully, you got something out of it. Best of luck.
Exactly!
Agreed!
What I can't stand is when they say "I'll let you know"...and never do.
If someone tells you that they will "let you know", you're already option B. It shouldn't be a difficult choice. If you're option A in their life, they will let you know that immediately. Anyone in my books that responds to you that way doesn't really deserve to be a part of your life. (Unless it is for a valid reason like they are waiting on a response or another event to happen to let you know if they are free)
Yes! Its being 'Plan B' that pisses me off the most! I've been trying to figure that out. That is exactly what it is. I'd rather not be in the plans than be 'Plan B'.
I know exactly how you feel Stellaria. I appreciate you commenting and I would love to hear more about your experiences. This stuff inspires me to make more content.
@@therelationshipguru6814 It is probably a huge area that could be the topic of a whole series. I feel like I’ve been plan B my entire life. I was the youngest in my family (with one older brother) and my needs & wants were always last priority. I think these childhood experiences mean some of us give off a needy vibe that puts people off. Or we’re too nice and people know we won’t get upset if they cancel. I know often I am just ‘too available’. Or we just aren’t exciting and charismatic enough for other people to want to commit to. It could be related to the co-dependent (giver) - narcissist (taker) dynamic. I know I have always been attracted to people who are charismatic and who pay me attention and who are interesting. But mostly its one sided and they obviously don’t see the same qualities in me. If I try to establish any type of regular friendship with those people (a regular walk or something as basic as that) they usually end up cancelling on me repeatedly or even if long-time friends I haven’t seen for a while contact me to catch up - I will be their plan B so they’ll only follow through if it suits them. (I’m a stay at home mother of 3 - probably not your usual demographic!). But this topic is one that affects me a lot as I seem to have trouble with both making & sustaining friendships. I usually have at least one close friend at a time which helps me stay sane. I used to have more in my friend group but I seem to fall out with most of them over time - often I start to feel taken for granted and so I either reduce communication and discover how one sided things are. Or if I even express an opinion they disagree with they may start to devalue me.
Sometimes I just don’t know how much ‘rejection’ is normal and how personally I should take it. How many chances should I give someone before I give up on them? I guess your rule of 3 sounds sensible but it probably needs to be on more of a case by case basis.
Something I’ve recently become aware of is a thing called ‘rejection sensitivity dysphoria’ (RSD) which is an extremely strong sensitivity to rejected that people with ADHD often have. (And I suspect I have ADHD and RSD). It can make rejection feel like physical pain and can take days to wear off. So I know that is an issue for me - but it does make it hard to work out - am I being too sensitive? Should I keep persevering with this person? Or should I just have more pride and accept the price is often loneliness. Anyway - thanks for your video it was v helpful.
@@universaltruth2025 Thank you for your response. I appreciate your honesty and transparency as that doesn't happen often on the internet. I'm sorry that you've gone through all of that. I just wanted to let you know that it means the world to me that my video helped you. I hope my future videos can help you and other people too, that is really the goal of this channel. All the best to you and take care of yourself.
@@therelationshipguru6814 Thank you ❤️ & same to you.
Flakiness is is also making plans and the day of the give some stupid excuse that they can't..not making it a priority. After a few times i assume they dont want to hang out and i stop trying.
Thanks for writing in! Personally, I would call them out on it. I usually give them some grace because sometimes life stuff just happens but if this becomes a repeated pattern, then you know something is up. I'd rather not have people in my life that won't show me the same level of respect as I do them. Best of luck!
@@therelationshipguru6814 yes and it has become a pattern, once more and ill say how I feel in a non accusatory way..thanks!
I run a used oil business. The last year or so more guys have joined the industry. So now they are buying the used oil. So now they are offering more for the oil. Problem is the flaky behaviour from clients. Businessman who cancell at the last minute because they got a better offer. The other day I got call and while driving halfway got a call to cancel. Sometimes they just don't respond or return my calls. I am slowly getting used to this sick behaviour.
Just send them dry emotionless and hideously boring texts. They’ll soon vanish completely. Better off without them.
Thanks for your comment. Personally, I wouldn't even bother with that much effort. Every minute that I am spending to rub salt in the wound is a minute wasted. Best of luck to you.
"I'm too busy"
Remember when Sharon Osborne was on The Talk,The X Factor UK,America's Got Talent and Britain's Got Talent all at the same time?
She was hopping from California to London to New York on a daily basis.
This video made me feel better, thank you 🙏
Thanks for the comment and the support. I hope you have a good day sir.
We need to get married. I need peoole like you in my life. Im sooo done with flakwy people. 😂
Thank you for the comment. I am flattered haha.
I'm on vacatuon right now and there are a couple of people I've been wanting to catch up with. I purposely left it up to them to get back to me. I'm done chasing. If they haven't got back to me by the weekends I'm blocking their asses.
Thanks so much for the sub and comment. I completely know how you feel. We try to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes but we all have limits. If you really feel like the relationship is worth saving, I would strongly encourage you to have a "sit down" conversation with them and be honest about this 1 sided "friendship". Sometimes people are too busy to recognize what they are really doing wrong. Lord knows I am not perfect and I have been guilty of this in the past. Best of luck to you Gary.
If they flake 3 times, i ignore and go no contact on them. Even if they reach out, i still ignore them and then block them.
Thank you for the comment. A 3 strike rule is a good idea in order to set up some boundaries for yourself. The only thing I would say is it really depends on the context of the situation. If it is an emergency and this person couldn't answer then I think as a collective, we need to be understanding, patient and empathetic. HOWEVER, how many times has this actually been the case? 3 strikes is usually enough "forgiveness" to usually evaluate people as not worth your time or effort as they have displayed that exact same behavior towards you. Actions speak louder then words. I hope you found my material helpful. Thanks for watching!
Very good episode
Thank you, Rosalind! Your comments and support keep me going.
Lately I had a old friend of the family tell me over and over anytime would be good to come visit,but I noticed she and her husband would travel alot which is cool! But why would you invite someone to visit when your not going to be around? Weird! Plus when I said I could visit her tone became stressed! Also weird.
Thanks for writing in! My guess is she said it out of common curtousy to be polite but not actually follow through with her intentions. If you want to make plans with someone she would have actually set up a time/date with you. I might actually pose that to her as a question next time you speak. "Okay, let's lock down some plans, when would be a good date and time for you?" Anyways, best of luck!
i been having this friend who has been flaking on me while we make plans and i wait for hours to get picked up and there are sometimes where she did show up to pick me up since i don't drive and texts me sorry i fell asleep but i saw on her instagram friend story she went clubbing and we already made plans and i was upset and i did tell her before to not contuine to flake on me i decided to take my time and space from her at the moment because i'm really sad and hurting on the inside and i just taking my time and space and i ahve not texted her since then
First and foremost, I am sorry that you are going through all of this. It's never fun and it is never easy. I am sure that you're probably going through a gambit of emotions right now and all those emotions are normal. A reasonable acceptance of excuses made by your friend is normal but from what you're telling, it's gone beyond that. Hold your friend to a higher standard because you deserve a higher standard in your life. Understand that you might have to let this person go from your life as they certainly don't seem to have your best interests at heart. Best of luck to you and thanks for supporting the channel. I really appreciate it.
Whip it out
They dont value your time. Youre" on call"
At least when you are "on call" at work, you have a chance to be paid. 🤣