There is never one’s fault. Both are guilty and both are equally forgiven. And with this You go everyday after 3 years of being together. She uses clishes, which is naive and do not work. It’s just words she’s using. I tell You guys and girls, live for Your power and empowerment and with this all other falls!
@@BarnabyBarry the more blatant one yes, the moving to fast, yes and the rudeness and judgmental ones yes it’s the covert ones the make me wonder if it’s them or me looking for it and self sabotaging myself, I’m still working on. But when the mask slips. I’m out!
Learning how to be your own best friend is your super power. When you enjoy your own company, you don’t feel that urgency to find someone to take away loneliness. Feeling like you need to be in a relationship can make you lower your standards and get involved with someone not good for you causing you to experience pain yet again. All my adult life I felt like I could only be happy in a relationship. Stepping out of that mindset and being kind to myself - since they weren’t kind to me - has given me a sense of peace.
I was that way too, always wanting someone in my life. I’ve been separated from my husband (I’ve gotten divorce papers) since March of this year and I am so happy in my life now. My kids are all adults and living their lives I’m blessed. I now share my home with 2 small terriers and a green cheeked conure and a parakeet. I’m so grateful for my life, it’s peaceful, happy, healthy and beautiful…❤️🙏🏼☺️😊
my narc relationship lasted 4 years....took me 6 years to get over. start dating again, met another narc online....found out she was in a serious relationship. date again, met another narc....broke it off after 2 months bc she was a narc. improvement! keep reading. keep learning. notice the red flags. keep healing. and keep the faith. good luck everyone!
Recovering from a narcissist is way harder than anyone could imagine, mainly because it seems so obvious from the outside, looking in, but when you're in the middle of it, nothing seems so off that you should change it. Loving someone after such a relationship is my biggest challenge, mainly because of fear, combined with my introverted nature. But this series has helped a lot more than I expected or than I can verbalize here. I thank you.
I was married to a narcissist for 34 years. I didn't know what a narcissist was until I had already left. Since it took me 36 years of trying to get him understand what a good woman l am, I am scared to make an other mistake . You are so right that I have to trust again.
I totally understand. I was married to a narcissist for 19 years, and I had no clue he was one until I was discarded. He has made our divorce miserable and has literally tried to destroy me. We have 3 children, and he discarded them, too. Thank you for sharing. Take care.
Thank you Stephanie! I’m 8 months out of a relationship with a narcissist (he cheated multiple times with multiple women unfortunately I didn’t trust my intuition). I’m so turned off by men right now. I will heal though because I’m not going to let a crappy, lying, manipulative cheater keep me from finding a man who loves me, cherishes me and has enough integrity to honor his/our relationship. I deserve that because that is what I offer. ❤
Just take little steps, think of things you want to do for you, make a plan on getting that, work on you and love will come . Just try having fun, learn who you are again. I know how hard it is to go out when the anxiety and depression hits hard just be kind to yourself. Good luck
I’ve learned people will use your shortcomings as an excuse to behave poorly and blame you. dealing with a Narcissist has been the worst thing I have ever dealt with.
In sum: -Don’t blame yourself for other people’s treatment or take on other people’s baggage. You are capable of having loving and beautiful relationships. Other people’s actions should not define you. Leave their baggage with them. -Find self wholeness and believe in your resilience. Develop a stronger sense of self love and self soothing. Know that you can be there for you. This will help you feel stronger even when bad or vulnerable times come. -Know that risk and vulnerability are often necessary to pursuing fulfillment and happiness. Lots of positive reinforcement in this one. Thank you.
My marriage was based on the illusion of love bombing and thinking love was important to us both. It wasn’t. I wanted deep love and connection. He wanted main mommy supply. I look forward to not having to wear the pants in the relationship and being vulnerable where an actual man can take the reigns in a partnership at times without worrying about outcome.
I've realized I have a fear of abandonment. My mother left me when I was 13. Then, my ex narcissistic husband discarded my children and myself for his new supply not too long ago. I believe I stayed with him because of my fear of being alone. He constantly cheated and blamed me. I should have left sooner, but I didn't. Being alone, I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned my mistakes and how to deal with life after a narcissist. Thank you for this video. It was great.♡
I had separated from my ex husband 2.5 years before I met the Narcissist. I was devastated when that relationship ended, but because he isn't toxic and we had done our best to remain amicable and look after our children and still had love and care for each other, it was (and still is) bearable. I felt closure and acceptance for what had happened. With the Narcissist I had no frame of reference for how someone could lie, abuse, manipulate and then discard me like a piece of garbage, after they had pretended to love me and I had shown them nothing but kindness, love and positivity. It wrecked me and has destroyed my trust, not only in him but many other people in my life. I'm nearly 18 months no contact and am in a much better place after some trauma therapy, a ton of research into NPD and psychopathy, but I still don't know if I'll ever be able to fall in love or trust a man again after this. It's like being hit by a freight train on a spiritual and psychological level.
It's tragic because good people who have been abused are sitting around thinking they aren't enough when the fact of the matter is that it's not even about "level." Being a ultra high level person doesn't prevent the novelty from fading. You can't be a "new, shiny toy" for all that long.
Thank you for these videos. For me, it's not just giving up on love; it's giving up on human relationships period. I've been physically away from my narc for about two years and not spoken to her for close to a year. However, the pain is still ever-present such that it feels as though it all happened yesterday. I'm broken by a relationship that I should never have gotten into in the first place and should have left within the first 48-hours. And yet I stayed for almost a year of emotional, spiritual, verbal, and physical abuse. I basically dated my mom--a narcissist borderline. Weird how that happens. So, all my life all I have known, it seems, is broken abusive people. I'm exhausted. I have little to no trust for myself or anyone else. How does one overcome this existential despair? I've come to believe that everyone, myself included, is so wounded these days that human connection is virtually impossible and it scares me.
I also left my abusive ex 2 years ago, haven’t spoken in over 1 year now. I’m far from healed from 4 years of traumatic bullshit, but I have made a lot of progress. Lots of therapy. Went on two different wilderness healing retreats that were powerful. Camping, hiking, road-tripping alone. Have tried my best to keep working on myself….. so.. you don’t have to feel this way forever. Even though I’ve made progress in certain areas I still can’t believe how fucked up I still am.
@@sarahellenrose I does get better. I think, for me anyway, it's self-compassion. That is, forgiving myself for staying as long as I did. Unlike my Narc, who I am sure has monkey branched at least a dozen times by now, I have worked on myself so that this never happens again.
I believe this is your BEST video to date! Wow, Stephanie, I’ve come so far in the two years I’ve been listening to you. The insight you’ve shared is SOOO appreciated!! But most importantly, the HOPE you give one to know what’s on the other side of all this “work” is PRICELESS.
Stephanie, you have such a gift of communicating a difficult message to those of us that are so broken. You make clear the whys….and the ways to heal, even though we NEVER got the closure we needed. I have often looked into your resources, but I honestly have no idea where to start. Thank you for every word you give us-I am truly better because you cared enough to give back to the hurting.
I do feel like I’m happier every time I’m on my own, I don’t feel like dating and being with someone works for me. It might be that it’s just been a set of bad luck. I just feel so drained when I do and that’s also not fair on others.
I have been surrounded by people in my life that had a lack of parental love in their lives. From both my parents to past partners. Me being an empath, have stayed too long in relationships excusing their behavior because of the fact that I felt that what they went through was not their fault and that is why they didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved. Trying to fix them and denying my own feelings, not listening to my emotions and dragging relationships on. It has been over 2 years since my last relationship and have definitely put walls up for myself. I am doing the work but I am afraid I will fall back to my old patterns in relationships. Thank you for all your videos, they are very helpful. ❤
i've been duped twice before i understood. Now it's hard for me to trust anyone. I see the worst all the time i give zero margin to anyone beside the fact that, meanwhile, i'm out of my prime and because of all this is hard to meet new people. These people destroy lives.
It’s coming up to the 2 year mark. I still feel in my heart all the things you said at the start. I don’t ever plan to live with a partner, or even desire a relationship again. But I feel my wounds are healed from that. I just truly prefer being alone and he reminded me of that. Is that not a possibility?
I just want to share this My thanks giving 2022 was spent at my daughter's with her mother mom my former mother inlaw I look at it as a gift from above she is 89 yrs old thank u lord Thanks Miss Stephanie
Came out of toxic relationship last Xmas, felt devastated, trauma bond etc, since learnt when my parents separated my mother left overnight, I dont remember or have blocked it, she said "see you in the morning " but was gone. We saw her again in a few weeks and then further down the line when she was settled lived with her again. Is this an abandonment issue, obviously I was shocked when she was gone, I was 13, was I too old for it to be an childhood trauma. Even though I have this information I still can't join the dots and get rid of the irrational heartbreak I feel toward my toxic ex. Hope this makes sense to somebody, if you got this far.
Yeah it does make sense because same with my ex narc. I am codependent probably and have fear of abandonment because my dad used to leave for months, then a year, then 2 years. And when he was around he was always drunk and high and very abusive, so was my ex narc gf.
Thanks Stephanie I’ve had multiple losses and let downs in my life and just a positive pep talk really does help it’s always been hard for me to let people in I had a difficult life and I always feel like people will not understand me let alone really love me and it’s hard I’m alone a lot these days and I don’t know who to let in or even how I have a lot of freinds but deep down I feel like I can’t rely on them cuz they will let me down so I rely on myself and I’ve gotten really good at it but n e ways your a treat!
What a great message you have here! Thank you for this affirmation. Spot on that it is essential to love yourself and know that taking risks are essential if I want to move beyond the hurt and pain. I know that my ex did the best she was capable of doing, which unfortunately resulted in my feeling pain and betrayal. I now realize that she just was not able to do otherwise, but I don't have to carry that for her, even if she is in total denial of her part in things.Thank you!
There is never one’s fault. Both are guilty and both are equally forgiven. And with this You go everyday after 3 years of being together. She uses clishes, which is naive and do not work. It’s just words she’s using. I tell You guys and girls, live for Your power and empowerment and with this all other falls!
I've listened to a lot of videos trying to navigate what happened to me while also trying to be real with my own responsibilities, failures, and need for growth. This is one of the wisest pieces on the matter that I've come across. Thank you 🙏
You are so nice. Don't give up on Love. I agree with you. There are many forms of Love. God's Love that people talk about in there Near Death Stories on You Tube are so encouraging. I have closed the door to that but the door is not locked. If someone comes along that write that would be fine. If not I'm happy with my life and enjoy growing at my own pace. Thank you, God Loves you. Best Dave. We live in a fallen World 🌍. God is the Answer.
Thank you, Stephanie. This is a great video. I've been out of a narcissistic relationship for a few months now and my wall is super high. It was high before the narc but he managed to knock it down and then destroy me. I am doing much better now but I can't really see myself getting involved with someone again. This video makes so much sense, but for now I'm going to stay on my own to continue healing.
You are so incredible psychologist. it feels like we're in a face-to-face meeting. Can’t express how your words is meaningful. And helpful. Thank you very much.
After all the fruitloop men out there there's no way I'm taking any more chances on a man. Im staying on my own now exhausted 😩 I know that I attract the nutters so I'm building my protective wall round me 10 foot high can anyone blame me I've been gaslight nearly suffocated hit raped nah that's enough in itself I love me and I will protectively care for me from now on im 56 so it don't matter anymore I've got my faith in God and my son and my family and good mates and my pets thats fine by me
Thanks! Your videos have helped me get to this other side of the healing journey. Where all of a sudden the reality makes sense and it becomes empowering to have survived it! I was hung up with a closeted narcissist for over a decade. Putting the pieces together through therapy, these podcasts, exercise, travelling…. etc, all of a sudden it’s as if my heart is finally getting to the finish line! The video you made about ending a relationship being a logical decision really hit home. I think youre a goddess. Thank you.
Inspiring message… thank you for sharing such positive insight and a different perspective on dating that sets realistic expectations around the dating process and our ability/need to be self sufficient and resilient enough to handle what could happen. As you said, there are just some things we can’t control, but we’re equipped to handle what comes.
At this point I'm not going to waste the few emotions I am still capable of feeling on some woman. I gave it several tries and love was worthless on every try. 30 more years and I punch my own ticket. I'll try and make those years fun.
many situations of what she describes........I went through. I had to learn the journey of forgiving is the only real peace ......vindications rarely or never work.
Can't say thanks enough for this video. So incitefull. Helped me see the bigger picture of my own experiences in a more coherent, connected way. Also, filled in some of the blanks.
The scary thing is that someone can seem like a really good person for a long time. For me right now, it’s not worth the risk. I know there are really great actors out there. That, combined with my compassionate nature (projecting it onto others) is not a good thing. There are narcissistic men who appear as the hero type. I seem to attract these types of men. And unfortunately, when I get to know them a little more, I start to get worried when I hear how close they are to their mom. I know it’s not a bad thing to be close to your mother as an adult. However; the narc men who abused me were always placed on pedestals by their mommas so it was usually a team effort of destruction upon me and my kids. I think deep down, I’m attracted to men who take initiative and who are ambitious but many of those men are control freaks. It’s so hard. I’m learning to love myself as cliche as the sounds. Also, my kids are too precious to me. I want to protect their long term happiness in place of my short term thrill from a romantic relationship. I pray romantic relationships don’t become our main focus in life ❤
Stephanie, I was so emotionally wounded that I spent most of my life depressed and struggling with anxiety disorder. I only went on a few dates but felt so uncomfortable that I never pursued any other dates. Yes I was sexually abused in my childhood, and spent my life in fear and anxiety even into my 40s. I was saved finally and am in a church that gets what harm abuse does to people. I have just begun to heal, but I don't think I'll pursue a relationship. My recovery is first priority and trying to date would be a distraction. Besides I have health issues that basically would make marriage impossible. Matthew 19:12-15 PS Do you actually meet with clients? Is it alright if I say you are so beautiful and encouraging!
Je suis désolée. J'espère que vous allez mieux. Moi aussi j'ai été sexuellement abusée dans l'enfance et celà m'a beaucoup affecté beaucoup d'anxiété sociale, beaucoup de haine de moi même. Comment allez vous ? Allez vous mieux ?
@@hamilton9651 i speak English, a little bit. I was asking how you doing, were you able to overcome your social anxiety? How do you feel? Do you date now? I myself experienced a lot of trauma during my childhood. sexual, emotional and physical. I'm still traumatized to this day. I'm 25 i feel estranged to myself, i feel like OBSERVING my life instead of living my live. I have a terrible memory. I believe I have BPD but where I live and due to my economical condition it's difficult to find help. I wanted to know if there's hope i want to know if you're feeling better in your body i really do. Do you have a family? Friends? Do you love or feel loved ? Can you hold a job for long? Assuming you have a family do they know what's happening to you? In fact I wished your phone could translate what I wrote in french but anyway ... I'm kindly waiting for your answer🙏
@@littleangel6203 Hello littleangel6203. May I ask you your name? I have not been doing well for a long time now. I too have BPD. No I am not dating anyone. I am depressed and sad, because I have not experienced physical love or intimacy. I suffered sexual abuse as a young child and now I experience memory loss. I do have a strong faith in God and a good church family, so I am not alone which is good. I attend church every Sunday and Tuesday evening. But I had terrible panic disorder and social anxiety when I was your age. I was rejected by every girl I ever asked out on a date. I was attracted to very toxic women who ended up hating me and telling me I was a boring person. I am older now. The last time I tried dating was three years ago, but again the woman was toxic and treated me terribly. I began to suffer dark, bad thoughts. But then I found God and knew I couldn't date anymore. I stopped and the bad thoughts went away. I would enjoy corresponding with you by letter or text. Just to even have a woman friend would be nice, but I completely understand if you aren't comfortable with that. Please tell me your name and the city or town where you live in France. I was in Provence in 1995. It's a beautiful country. I live in Whitehall, Maryland USA. God bless you, Hamilton PS There is a translation app available.
Starting seeing a new girl, and it was going great for the first two weeks. In week three, she's asking for my exclusivity. Week four, she's asking me if it's ok if the guy who sent her a dick pic can take her out to a concert, and now I'm the abuser for not being ok with it. Yikes, love is just a chemical reaction.
A lot of women refuse to cut contact with men who have shown to be a bad influence. One woman I know did this to a former best friend, cutting him off for showing jealously to hanging out with an ex boyfriend even though that ex wasn’t any good for her.
I’m terrified everyone is going to hurt me, I feel like that part of me that’s able to fall in love with someone again was like shut off after my abusive relationship. Idk what to do, every time I try to get close to someone i want to run
I am using my son Jareds name, on CZcams, my name is Brian. I am so there, but maybe will try a relationship one of these days. Right now is just not a good time, financially, more than personally/mentality/ spiritual.
I'm a good dude, and after a heartbreak where a narcissist played me after my mother's death, and knew I was grieving but didn't care. I was almost suicidal, but I've recovered but feel like I'll never meet a good woman who appreciates the good dude I am. I'm not scared of getting close, but more wonder if there's any good women left?
Just becoz we rode on potholes of life that doesn’t mean future is not paved . Observe & feel the journey , those who see us in the end , will join the path with smile and resilience I hope it make sense .
I'm a man in my mid 40s and now I think I've never expierenced what others call love. Relationships were pure terror. I don't know if I can face this again.
Same here Just turned 40 I was never loved properly as a child so I guess this is why I attracted narc. Although I wasn't given love, I try my best to not hurt anyone Trying to heal to experience genuine love some day
You are too young to not find a good love...I'm 65 so have experience.. get back in the saddle and ride...always be aware of red flags and if you see some them move away b4 you fall in love. ..you will find someone but it does take time, imagine the kind of person you wish to come into you life,they are out there ..good luck ❤
Stephanie, congrats on this thoughtful video. But I don't understand the emphasis on "healing from the wound" to become "normal". Who defines "normal" and how did they achieve that authority? For me, I used to be like velcro, other's opinions stuck. I'm achieving a state of "Teflon " where the opinions of others roll off. I live much happier now. And if someone believes I'm abnormal, I take that as a compliment. Live and let live.
im so terrified now that i don't even talk to anyone anymore...i thought this would pass but its' getting imbedded in me its been so long -18 months now
Is it bad to mirror the behavior of others in a positive way and if they don't get it , don't take it so personal? Just leave it and set my boundaries until they get the hint of their own behavior? Still learning, namastae 🙏
I want a relationship but am afraid of wasting my time, being douped again or being told that I am the only problem in the relationship
There is never one’s fault. Both are guilty and both are equally forgiven. And with this You go everyday after 3 years of being together. She uses clishes, which is naive and do not work. It’s just words she’s using. I tell You guys and girls, live for Your power and empowerment and with this all other falls!
It is not your problem. The only problem with you is being a trusting person.
Didn’t you see the signs? Hopefully now you know the characteristics so you can move on as soon as you see it!
@@BarnabyBarry the more blatant one yes, the moving to fast, yes and the rudeness and judgmental ones yes it’s the covert ones the make me wonder if it’s them or me looking for it and self sabotaging myself, I’m still working on. But when the mask slips. I’m out!
I love my Faith
I love myself.
I love my animals.
I love my hobbies.
THE END..😎
And u better love being alone
❤
Learning how to be your own best friend is your super power. When you enjoy your own company, you don’t feel that urgency to find someone to take away loneliness. Feeling like you need to be in a relationship can make you lower your standards and get involved with someone not good for you causing you to experience pain yet again. All my adult life I felt like I could only be happy in a relationship. Stepping out of that mindset and being kind to myself - since they weren’t kind to me - has given me a sense of peace.
How did you get out of that mindset? Any advice or tips?
You said it all. Love yourself first. Then go out and find your love, your life, your way in life.
I was that way too, always wanting someone in my life. I’ve been separated from my husband (I’ve gotten divorce papers) since March of this year and I am so happy in my life now. My kids are all adults and living their lives I’m blessed. I now share my home with 2 small terriers and a green cheeked conure and a parakeet. I’m so grateful for my life, it’s peaceful, happy, healthy and beautiful…❤️🙏🏼☺️😊
my narc relationship lasted 4 years....took me 6 years to get over.
start dating again, met another narc online....found out she was in a serious relationship.
date again, met another narc....broke it off after 2 months bc she was a narc.
improvement!
keep reading. keep learning. notice the red flags. keep healing.
and keep the faith.
good luck everyone!
No, no ... I am done. So done with it.
Don't give up. I've been there. You deserve better and you will get better. Hang in there!
Be done. ❤
💯
I don't have the energy anymore for it.
Recovering from a narcissist is way harder than anyone could imagine, mainly because it seems so obvious from the outside, looking in, but when you're in the middle of it, nothing seems so off that you should change it. Loving someone after such a relationship is my biggest challenge, mainly because of fear, combined with my introverted nature. But this series has helped a lot more than I expected or than I can verbalize here. I thank you.
I was married to a narcissist for 34 years. I didn't know what a narcissist was until I had already left. Since it took me 36 years of trying to get him understand what a good woman l am, I am scared to make an other mistake . You are so right that I have to trust again.
I totally understand. I was married to a narcissist for 19 years, and I had no clue he was one until I was discarded. He has made our divorce miserable and has literally tried to destroy me. We have 3 children, and he discarded them, too. Thank you for sharing. Take care.
i didnt know until i left either
You know the signs of a narcissist now. You’ll walk a way sooner if you meet one again.
@@amygalvin1799 I definitely will. It took me 36 years to realize so I am very guarded now.
Thank you Stephanie! I’m 8 months out of a relationship with a narcissist (he cheated multiple times with multiple women unfortunately I didn’t trust my intuition). I’m so turned off by men right now. I will heal though because I’m not going to let a crappy, lying, manipulative cheater keep me from finding a man who loves me, cherishes me and has enough integrity to honor his/our relationship. I deserve that because that is what I offer. ❤
I’ve got friends but don’t want to leave the house anymore. I feel trapped here. I want to love again, but I really don’t want to go out.
Just take little steps, think of things you want to do for you, make a plan on getting that, work on you and love will come .
Just try having fun, learn who you are again.
I know how hard it is to go out when the anxiety and depression hits hard just be kind to yourself.
Good luck
Massively betrayed. Duped for two decades. Why risk my remaining years?
Too many monsters among us.
I choose solitude.
Marshall, I understand how you feel. But I feel like the choice you have made is allowing the narcissist to take over your life forever .
I’ve learned people will use your shortcomings as an excuse to behave poorly and blame you. dealing with a Narcissist has been the worst thing I have ever dealt with.
In sum:
-Don’t blame yourself for other people’s treatment or take on other people’s baggage. You are capable of having loving and beautiful relationships. Other people’s actions should not define you. Leave their baggage with them.
-Find self wholeness and believe in your resilience. Develop a stronger sense of self love and self soothing. Know that you can be there for you.
This will help you feel stronger even when bad or vulnerable times come.
-Know that risk and vulnerability are often necessary to pursuing fulfillment and happiness.
Lots of positive reinforcement in this one. Thank you.
My marriage was based on the illusion of love bombing and thinking love was important to us both. It wasn’t. I wanted deep love and connection. He wanted main mommy supply. I look forward to not having to wear the pants in the relationship and being vulnerable where an actual man can take the reigns in a partnership at times without worrying about outcome.
I've realized I have a fear of abandonment. My mother left me when I was 13. Then, my ex narcissistic husband discarded my children and myself for his new supply not too long ago. I believe I stayed with him because of my fear of being alone. He constantly cheated and blamed me. I should have left sooner, but I didn't. Being alone, I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned my mistakes and how to deal with life after a narcissist. Thank you for this video. It was great.♡
I had separated from my ex husband 2.5 years before I met the Narcissist. I was devastated when that relationship ended, but because he isn't toxic and we had done our best to remain amicable and look after our children and still had love and care for each other, it was (and still is) bearable. I felt closure and acceptance for what had happened. With the Narcissist I had no frame of reference for how someone could lie, abuse, manipulate and then discard me like a piece of garbage, after they had pretended to love me and I had shown them nothing but kindness, love and positivity. It wrecked me and has destroyed my trust, not only in him but many other people in my life. I'm nearly 18 months no contact and am in a much better place after some trauma therapy, a ton of research into NPD and psychopathy, but I still don't know if I'll ever be able to fall in love or trust a man again after this. It's like being hit by a freight train on a spiritual and psychological level.
My peace is priceless
I have decided to love myself, relationships suck, I am DONE 🚮
It's tragic because good people who have been abused are sitting around thinking they aren't enough when the fact of the matter is that it's not even about "level." Being a ultra high level person doesn't prevent the novelty from fading. You can't be a "new, shiny toy" for all that long.
I'm picky so I'll wait! I will not let this happen again. God been with me the hold time.
Trying to heal from all the abuse has been hard. I was told every day I wasn't good enough, and it's hard to believe otherwise. But I'm working on it.
Thank you for these videos. For me, it's not just giving up on love; it's giving up on human relationships period. I've been physically away from my narc for about two years and not spoken to her for close to a year. However, the pain is still ever-present such that it feels as though it all happened yesterday. I'm broken by a relationship that I should never have gotten into in the first place and should have left within the first 48-hours. And yet I stayed for almost a year of emotional, spiritual, verbal, and physical abuse. I basically dated my mom--a narcissist borderline. Weird how that happens. So, all my life all I have known, it seems, is broken abusive people. I'm exhausted. I have little to no trust for myself or anyone else. How does one overcome this existential despair? I've come to believe that everyone, myself included, is so wounded these days that human connection is virtually impossible and it scares me.
I also left my abusive ex 2 years ago, haven’t spoken in over 1 year now. I’m far from healed from 4 years of traumatic bullshit, but I have made a lot of progress. Lots of therapy. Went on two different wilderness healing retreats that were powerful. Camping, hiking, road-tripping alone. Have tried my best to keep working on myself….. so.. you don’t have to feel this way forever. Even though I’ve made progress in certain areas I still can’t believe how fucked up I still am.
@@sarahellenrose I does get better. I think, for me anyway, it's self-compassion. That is, forgiving myself for staying as long as I did. Unlike my Narc, who I am sure has monkey branched at least a dozen times by now, I have worked on myself so that this never happens again.
I believe this is your BEST video to date! Wow, Stephanie, I’ve come so far in the two years I’ve been listening to you. The insight you’ve shared is SOOO appreciated!! But most importantly, the HOPE you give one to know what’s on the other side of all this “work” is PRICELESS.
Agreed soupy!!
Totally sounds like me. Im not opposed to finding love again , but im not so sure i project availability. Lol
I'm sure there's some good ones far and few but I'm enjoying life
Stephanie, you have such a gift of communicating a difficult message to those of us that are so broken. You make clear the whys….and the ways to heal, even though we NEVER got the closure we needed. I have often looked into your resources, but I honestly have no idea where to start. Thank you for every word you give us-I am truly better because you cared enough to give back to the hurting.
Thank you
I do feel like I’m happier every time I’m on my own, I don’t feel like dating and being with someone works for me. It might be that it’s just been a set of bad luck.
I just feel so drained when I do and that’s also not fair on others.
It has beem incredibly hard finding a therapist to help me heal through this trauma. I really needed to know I can move on.
Struggling with moving on too. 3 months since discard. Its even tougher because we have a daughter who keeps asking when mommys coming back :(
Happiness, is an inside job.
I have been surrounded by people in my life that had a lack of parental love in their lives. From both my parents to past partners. Me being an empath, have stayed too long in relationships excusing their behavior because of the fact that I felt that what they went through was not their fault and that is why they didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved. Trying to fix them and denying my own feelings, not listening to my emotions and dragging relationships on. It has been over 2 years since my last relationship and have definitely put walls up for myself. I am doing the work but I am afraid I will fall back to my old patterns in relationships. Thank you for all your videos, they are very helpful. ❤
i've been duped twice before i understood. Now it's hard for me to trust anyone. I see the worst all the time i give zero margin to anyone beside the fact that, meanwhile, i'm out of my prime and because of all this is hard to meet new people. These people destroy lives.
Stephanie,
Have a Good Holiday Season Keep the Great Videos Coming. DAVID, RI
It’s coming up to the 2 year mark. I still feel in my heart all the things you said at the start. I don’t ever plan to live with a partner, or even desire a relationship again. But I feel my wounds are healed from that. I just truly prefer being alone and he reminded me of that. Is that not a possibility?
I just want to share this
My thanks giving 2022 was spent at my daughter's with her mother mom my former mother inlaw I look at it as a gift from above she is 89 yrs old thank u lord
Thanks Miss Stephanie
I've been divorced from her daughter for 33 yrs🙂
Came out of toxic relationship last Xmas, felt devastated, trauma bond etc, since learnt when my parents separated my mother left overnight, I dont remember or have blocked it, she said "see you in the morning " but was gone. We saw her again in a few weeks and then further down the line when she was settled lived with her again. Is this an abandonment issue, obviously I was shocked when she was gone, I was 13, was I too old for it to be an childhood trauma. Even though I have this information I still can't join the dots and get rid of the irrational heartbreak I feel toward my toxic ex. Hope this makes sense to somebody, if you got this far.
Yeah it does make sense because same with my ex narc. I am codependent probably and have fear of abandonment because my dad used to leave for months, then a year, then 2 years. And when he was around he was always drunk and high and very abusive, so was my ex narc gf.
@@HorizonHipHop thanks i appreciate your thoughts and acknowledgement.
I’m ready to experience a new healthy happy relationship like no other!
Why can’t we met Someone like you in real life, a true friend ;-)
Thanks Stephanie I’ve had multiple losses and let downs in my life and just a positive pep talk really does help it’s always been hard for me to let people in I had a difficult life and I always feel like people will not understand me let alone really love me and it’s hard I’m alone a lot these days and I don’t know who to let in or even how I have a lot of freinds but deep down I feel like I can’t rely on them cuz they will let me down so I rely on myself and I’ve gotten really good at it but n e ways your a treat!
What a great message you have here! Thank you for this affirmation. Spot on that it is essential to love yourself and know that taking risks are essential if I want to move beyond the hurt and pain. I know that my ex did the best she was capable of doing, which unfortunately resulted in my feeling pain and betrayal. I now realize that she just was not able to do otherwise, but I don't have to carry that for her, even if she is in total denial of her part in things.Thank you!
There is never one’s fault. Both are guilty and both are equally forgiven. And with this You go everyday after 3 years of being together. She uses clishes, which is naive and do not work. It’s just words she’s using. I tell You guys and girls, live for Your power and empowerment and with this all other falls!
Listening to you today has been a blessing. Thank you.
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear right now!
Love your videos.
Thanks for this.. cause I was all done and will continue to be.. my heart is shut …
I've listened to a lot of videos trying to navigate what happened to me while also trying to be real with my own responsibilities, failures, and need for growth.
This is one of the wisest pieces on the matter that I've come across. Thank you 🙏
You are so nice. Don't give up on Love. I agree with you. There are many forms of Love. God's Love that people talk about in there Near Death Stories on You Tube are so encouraging. I have closed the door to that but the door is not locked. If someone comes along that write that would be fine. If not I'm happy with my life and enjoy growing at my own pace. Thank you, God Loves you. Best Dave. We live in a fallen World 🌍. God is the Answer.
Thank you, Stephanie. This is a great video. I've been out of a narcissistic relationship for a few months now and my wall is super high. It was high before the narc but he managed to knock it down and then destroy me. I am doing much better now but I can't really see myself getting involved with someone again. This video makes so much sense, but for now I'm going to stay on my own to continue healing.
This was amazing information. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏻✨
Thank you for your therapy! Lord bless you.
Great point, - we have he skills to handle what life brings our way..
You are so incredible psychologist.
it feels like we're in a face-to-face meeting. Can’t express how your words is meaningful. And helpful. Thank you very much.
I love your videos gives me hope to move forward
After all the fruitloop men out there there's no way I'm taking any more chances on a man. Im staying on my own now exhausted 😩 I know that I attract the nutters so I'm building my protective wall round me 10 foot high can anyone blame me I've been gaslight nearly suffocated hit raped nah that's enough in itself I love me and I will protectively care for me from now on im 56 so it don't matter anymore I've got my faith in God and my son and my family and good mates and my pets thats fine by me
Good for you!
Thankyou great great video thankyou
Beautiful video
..i cant take anymore heartache ..my soul is tired ..im done
You did gave a great insight ... you did ...
Stephanie you are very comforting and your insight is really giving me hope.
Thanks! Your videos have helped me get to this other side of the healing journey. Where all of a sudden the reality makes sense and it becomes empowering to have survived it! I was hung up with a closeted narcissist for over a decade. Putting the pieces together through therapy, these podcasts, exercise, travelling…. etc, all of a sudden it’s as if my heart is finally getting to the finish line! The video you made about ending a relationship being a logical decision really hit home. I think youre a goddess. Thank you.
I needed this one...
Amazing video! exactly what I was looking for today. thank you so much for sharing this is going to FREE many enslaved souls LOL! Namaste
You unpacked this message wonderfully. Now I just have to digest it. It's a meaningful nugget. Thnx.
I saw the thumbnail and my first thought was… TOO LATE!! 😂
Super good opening statement Steph..
Thank you for this much needed discussion
Inspiring message… thank you for sharing such positive insight and a different perspective on dating that sets realistic expectations around the dating process and our ability/need to be self sufficient and resilient enough to handle what could happen. As you said, there are just some things we can’t control, but we’re equipped to handle what comes.
Could anyone explain why narrcisists keep turning up,
As Ray Stevens once said, "they're everywhere!"
Yep! Trying to heal those wounds!
At this point I'm not going to waste the few emotions I am still capable of feeling on some woman.
I gave it several tries and love was worthless on every try. 30 more years and I punch my own ticket. I'll try and make those years fun.
many situations of what she describes........I went through. I had to learn the journey of forgiving is the only real peace ......vindications rarely or never work.
Can't say thanks enough for this video. So incitefull. Helped me see the bigger picture of my own experiences in a more coherent, connected way. Also, filled in some of the blanks.
Thank you for this advice its really hard to find love and have faith. I was with my ex for 11 years. Its been hard and dealing with these emotions
Thank you, this is sound advice
Thank you. ❤
The scary thing is that someone can seem like a really good person for a long time. For me right now, it’s not worth the risk. I know there are really great actors out there. That, combined with my compassionate nature (projecting it onto others) is not a good thing. There are narcissistic men who appear as the hero type. I seem to attract these types of men. And unfortunately, when I get to know them a little more, I start to get worried when I hear how close they are to their mom. I know it’s not a bad thing to be close to your mother as an adult. However; the narc men who abused me were always placed on pedestals by their mommas so it was usually a team effort of destruction upon me and my kids. I think deep down, I’m attracted to men who take initiative and who are ambitious but many of those men are control freaks. It’s so hard. I’m learning to love myself as cliche as the sounds. Also, my kids are too precious to me. I want to protect their long term happiness in place of my short term thrill from a romantic relationship. I pray romantic relationships don’t become our main focus in life ❤
Stephanie, I was so emotionally wounded that I spent most of my life depressed and struggling with anxiety disorder. I only went on a few dates but felt so uncomfortable that I never pursued any other dates. Yes I was sexually abused in my childhood, and spent my life in fear and anxiety even into my 40s. I was saved finally and am in a church that gets what harm abuse does to people. I have just begun to heal, but I don't think I'll pursue a relationship. My recovery is first priority and trying to date would be a distraction. Besides I have health issues that basically would make marriage impossible. Matthew 19:12-15
PS Do you actually meet with clients? Is it alright if I say you are so beautiful and encouraging!
Je suis désolée. J'espère que vous allez mieux. Moi aussi j'ai été sexuellement abusée dans l'enfance et celà m'a beaucoup affecté beaucoup d'anxiété sociale, beaucoup de haine de moi même. Comment allez vous ? Allez vous mieux ?
@@littleangel6203 Are you able to speak English? I understand a little bit of what you are saying, but not all of it.
@@hamilton9651 i speak English, a little bit. I was asking how you doing, were you able to overcome your social anxiety? How do you feel? Do you date now? I myself experienced a lot of trauma during my childhood. sexual, emotional and physical. I'm still traumatized to this day. I'm 25 i feel estranged to myself, i feel like OBSERVING my life instead of living my live. I have a terrible memory. I believe I have BPD but where I live and due to my economical condition it's difficult to find help. I wanted to know if there's hope i want to know if you're feeling better in your body i really do.
Do you have a family? Friends? Do you love or feel loved ? Can you hold a job for long? Assuming you have a family do they know what's happening to you?
In fact I wished your phone could translate what I wrote in french but anyway ...
I'm kindly waiting for your answer🙏
@@littleangel6203 Hello littleangel6203. May I ask you your name? I have not been doing well for a long time now. I too have BPD. No I am not dating anyone. I am depressed and sad, because I have not experienced physical love or intimacy. I suffered sexual abuse as a young child and now I experience memory loss. I do have a strong faith in God and a good church family, so I am not alone which is good. I attend church every Sunday and Tuesday evening. But I had terrible panic disorder and social anxiety when I was your age. I was rejected by every girl I ever asked out on a date. I was attracted to very toxic women who ended up hating me and telling me I was a boring person. I am older now. The last time I tried dating was three years ago, but again the woman was toxic and treated me terribly. I began to suffer dark, bad thoughts. But then I found God and knew I couldn't date anymore. I stopped and the bad thoughts went away. I would enjoy corresponding with you by letter or text. Just to even have a woman friend would be nice, but I completely understand if you aren't comfortable with that. Please tell me your name and the city or town where you live in France. I was in Provence in 1995. It's a beautiful country. I live in Whitehall, Maryland USA. God bless you, Hamilton
PS There is a translation app available.
Thanks a lot Stephanie for this insightful video 🙏🌹💐
Thank you honey I've listened to this video over and over again it's been very helpful God bless you and happy New Year to you and yours
I am terrified!!!!!!!!
Thank you for always coming through with your coaching ! You are the best ❤❤
I’m just drained just thinking about getting back on the market after my heartbreak
Stephanie---Excellent video! You are spot on! Thank you for your great insight.
Glad it was helpful!
Starting seeing a new girl, and it was going great for the first two weeks. In week three, she's asking for my exclusivity. Week four, she's asking me if it's ok if the guy who sent her a dick pic can take her out to a concert, and now I'm the abuser for not being ok with it. Yikes, love is just a chemical reaction.
A lot of women refuse to cut contact with men who have shown to be a bad influence. One woman I know did this to a former best friend, cutting him off for showing jealously to hanging out with an ex boyfriend even though that ex wasn’t any good for her.
@@Dj.D25 bad influence is pretty apt because the way she running game on me feels like fuck boy energy..
Don’t be a simp
You're no abuser just not a door mat! Wow! At least you know what you're dealing with early on. Kick to the kerb. She's vile.
That's a big red flag
Please don't ignore
Im not i just hope they don't lose interest in me things happen for a reason probably to make me stronger.
I’m terrified everyone is going to hurt me, I feel like that part of me that’s able to fall in love with someone again was like shut off after my abusive relationship. Idk what to do, every time I try to get close to someone i want to run
Being vulnerable…. So hard
Why why why ❤
Great video Stephanie!
You're very nice Steph ☺️ just saying ☺️
I am using my son Jareds name, on CZcams, my name is Brian. I am so there, but maybe will try a relationship one of these days. Right now is just not a good time, financially, more than personally/mentality/ spiritual.
Good NESS I needed to hear this
Thanks!
All makes good sense to me 😊
I'm a good dude, and after a heartbreak where a narcissist played me after my mother's death, and knew I was grieving but didn't care. I was almost suicidal, but I've recovered but feel like I'll never meet a good woman who appreciates the good dude I am. I'm not scared of getting close, but more wonder if there's any good women left?
Just becoz we rode on potholes of life that doesn’t mean future is not paved . Observe & feel the journey , those who see us in the end , will join the path with smile and resilience
I hope it make sense .
I'm a man in my mid 40s and now I think I've never expierenced what others call love. Relationships were pure terror. I don't know if I can face this again.
Same here
Just turned 40
I was never loved properly as a child so I guess this is why I attracted narc.
Although I wasn't given love, I try my best to not hurt anyone
Trying to heal to experience genuine love some day
@@Unbreakablechic Life is so incredibly difficult, isn't it?
You are too young to not find a good love...I'm 65 so have experience.. get back in the saddle and ride...always be aware of red flags and if you see some them move away b4 you fall in love. ..you will find someone but it does take time, imagine the kind of person you wish to come into you life,they are out there ..good luck ❤
Stephanie, congrats on this thoughtful video. But I don't understand the emphasis on "healing from the wound" to become "normal". Who defines "normal" and how did they achieve that authority? For me, I used to be like velcro, other's opinions stuck. I'm achieving a state of "Teflon " where the opinions of others roll off. I live much happier now. And if someone believes I'm abnormal, I take that as a compliment. Live and let live.
im so terrified now that i don't even talk to anyone anymore...i thought this would pass but its' getting imbedded in me its been so long -18 months now
Is it bad to mirror the behavior of others in a positive way and if they don't get it , don't take it so personal? Just leave it and set my boundaries until they get the hint of their own behavior? Still learning, namastae 🙏
Why would you use reverse psychology. It is better to say or show your boundary I believe. So it is clear.
On the lighter side-once we see another narcissist on a date-we move on and run!
Maybe the best talk you've ever given Stephanie, thx for helping people
I don't get paid to date women I get pay them to date me
I'm done dating I don't need to pay anyone to be with me
Someone dying is WAY different than being Rejected